heard it through the grapevine debra disney c ampus of c are gossiping is a character flaw nope! i...

Heard It Through the Grapevine

Debra Disney

CAMPUS of CARE

Gossiping is a character flaw

Nope! I heard that it is a social skill that can be developed in a healthy way!

Raisins video link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qozjbbEv9zY


Why did the VIA committee choose to offer this presentation?

Spring 2014 survey:

Q4: Avoid Gossip and Spreading Rumors

Q14: Speak Directly to the Person with whom I Have an

Issue



Workshops• April: MBB for Stress Management (now available on Sakai)• Sept: Assertive Communication• Oct: Conflict Resolution

• Today:

Heard it Through the Grapevine

- Perceptions

- Assuming Goodwill

- Perpetuating the Grapevine



Goal of the workshops?

• Originally:

Improve responses to Q4 and Q14• Now:

Develop gossip as a social skill rather than view it as a character flaw.

WHAT???


Objectives

Participants will be able to:– Define office gossip and rumors– Distinguish between helpful vs unhelpful aspects of

gossip– Distinguish what information is worth passing on– Summarize the effect PERCEPTION has on choosing

whether to perpetuate the grapevine


How would you define office gossip?

• talking about people who are not present• talk is relaxed, informal, entertaining• typically the topic of conversation concerns

information about which we can make moral judgments

• same definition whether at work or in family/friend groups

• information about the behavior and personal lives of other people http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gossip


Is that different from a rumor?

How would you define rumor?

• Harmful• Unverified• Anxiety + Information Vacuum = Rumors• Information or a story that is passed from person to

person but has not been proven to be truehttp://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/rumor


Distinguish between helpful vs unhelpful aspects of rumors– Are rumors ever helpful?


Distinguish between helpful vs unhelpful aspects of gossip– Is gossip ever helpful? – If so, how?


“The Science of Gossip: Why We Can’t Stop Ourselves”

By Frank T. McAndrew, PhD

Knox College

Scientific American Mind, October 1, 2008

“It helped us thrive in ancient times, and in our modern world it makes us feel connected to others – as long as it is done properly.”


When not done properly - the nasty, unhelpful side of gossip

• In its rawest form, it is a strategy used by individuals to further their own reputations and selfish interests at the expense of others

• Creates conflicting loyalties (triangles)• Can encourage resistance to management plans• Can counteract the values of an institution

(MC: Integrity, Social Justice, Human Dignity)


When done properly, the possibly helpful side of gossip

• Can indicate a sign of deep trust, signaling that you believe that this person will not use this sensitive information in a way that will have negative consequences for you

• Can provide an outlet for stress, tension, anxiety

• Can make work less boring

• Bonds people together (those not included in the grapevine are outsiders who are not trusted or accepted by the group)


The possibly helpful side of gossip

•When controlled, can be a positive force in the life of a group

- Roy Baumeister of Florida State University

- Robert Trivers, Rutgers University, Evolutionary Biologist


Why is it so hard for us to avoid?

Ancient Mind

o It helped us thrive in ancient times»Prehistoric forebears tended to live in relatively small groups, knew everyone else in a face-to-face, long-term kind of way and strangers were infrequent and temporary»Had to cooperate with the in-group members for success against out-groups»Had to compete with in-group members for limited resources»Had to remember who was a reliable exchange partner»Had to remember who was a cheater»Had to know who would be a reproductively valuable mate


Ancient Times

People who were fascinated with the lives of others were simply more successful than those who were not, and it is the genes of those individuals that have come down to us through the ages. Like it or not, our inability to forsake gossip and information about other individuals is as much a part of who we are as is our inability to resist doughnuts or sex – and for the same reasons.

• Hard-wired in our brains to be fascinated by gossip


In our modern world

it makes us feel connected to others –

as long as it is done properly!


Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language (Harvard University Press in 1996)

Robin Dunbar, Psychologist

University of Liverpool in England- Suggests that gossip is a mechanism for bonding social

groups together, analogous to the grooming that is found

in primate groups.

Gossip might be one of the best tools that we have for comparing ourselves socially with others, helping us to become better citizens.

Sarah R. Wert, University of Colorado at Boulder Peter Salovey, Yale University


How do we distinguish which information is worth passing on?

Which of these would be interesting for the grapevine?• A friend just won the lottery• An adversary just got a promotion with a hefty raise• Your beloved sister cheated on her husband• Your despised uncle was discovered embezzling money


Which of these would be interesting for the grapevine?• A friend just won the lottery• An adversary just got a promotion with a hefty raise• Your beloved sister cheated on her husband• Your despised uncle was discovered embezzling money

Ally Not Ally

Positive Information(we tend to pass along)

Positive Information

Negative Information

Negative Information(we tend to pass along)


So how can we develop the skill of “good” gossip?– Avoid the human tendency to broadcast failure and whisper success

– Avoid extremes

• The self-righteous person who refuses to participate in gossip tends to be isolated

• The person who blabs everything tends to get a reputation as an untrustworthy busybody

– Know our intentions

– Am I being a good team player?

– Am I sharing key information with others in a way that will not be perceived as self-serving?


So how can we develop the skill of “good” gossip?

– Apply the “Four-Way Test” of Rotaryhttps://www.rotary.org/en/guiding-principles

1. Is it the TRUTH?

2. Is it FAIR to all concerned?

3. Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?

4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?

– Be aware of the nature of messages when using text, snap chat, FB

– Understand the role perceptions plays

https://www.rotary.org/en/guiding-principles

The Role Perception Plays


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLsIWKqWvAI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLsIWKqWvAI


Stimulus Selection Interpretation Behavior

Gossip or not?

Process of Perception


Stimulus Selection Interpretation BehaviorGossip or not?


ACTIVITY



“Perception Check” to determine the accuracy and validity of perceptions• Never assume that what you perceive as the truth is the actual, absolute

truth

• Be aware of the limitations of the process of perception

• Assume Goodwill

Ask yourself:

Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person think,

feel, or act this way? (This leads to curiosity)

vs

What is the worst and most hurtful way I can take this?

(This leads to defensiveness)

Summary

– Acknowledge that gossip might serve a useful purpose, if done skillfully

– Improve the quality of perceptions, so that we can decide what information is helpful to pass through the grapevine

– Be honest with yourself regarding your intent in listening to or spreading gossip.

– Apply the “Four-Way Test” of Rotary:

1. Is it the TRUTH?

2.Is it FAIR to all concerned?

3.Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?

4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?

heard it through the grapevine debra disney c ampus of c are gossiping is a character flaw nope! i...

Documents

office gossip

grapevinethe science

sensitive information

social skill

stress management

boringbonds people

social justice

people http