INSIDE THIS ISSUE: Dangers of too little sleep p. 2; The power of forgiveness p. 3; EAP services p. 4

T H E N E W S L E T T E R O F Y O U REMPLOYEE ASSISTANCE PROGRAM Vol. 9, No. 3

IMPROVING YOUR RELATIONSHIPSForYour InformationHAPPINESS BOOSTERLive with purpose. People who strivefor something personally significant –whether it’slearning a newskill, raising agood family, orchangingcareers – arehappier thanthose whodon’t havestrong dreamsor aspirations. Pick one or moresignificant goals and devote time andeffort pursuing them.

STRESS MANAGEMENT TIPBlock out time in your daily schedule totake a break. A Harvard Medical Schoolstudy concluded that as little as 10 to 15minutes a day of private time can cutdown on stress, headaches, colds, poorsleep and increase your productivity.

BALANCING WORK ANDFAMILYTo help keep balance in your life, askyourself these questions:• Can success in one area of my life

compensate for failure in another?• Can success in my profession

compensate for a broken marriage, ruined health, or failure as a parent?

Identify your various roles and attach alevel of priorityto each. Usethis as a guidetoward makingintelligentdecisions onwhere to putyour focus.

In both our personal and work lives,there are times when we connectwith other people and make themhappy to communicate with us. Inthese instances, there is a free flowof information where both partiesleave the communication withpositive feelings. Then, of course,there are times when obstacles get inthe way of effective communication,and we leave with a mediocre ornegative impression about what justtook place.

To a large extent, your success as acommunicator is a result of certainstrategies that you may be employing,either consciously or without much thought. There’s a lot at stake when you communicate.If you want positive personal relationships or a successful marriage, the effectiveness ofyour communication will likely determine the type of person you attract as well as thefulfillment you get from your marriage.

In business, the effective communicators are the ones who will be respected and promotedto leadership positions. In sales, good communicators are more persuasive, establishrapport and sell more than those with weak skills. To be effective, it’s imperative to followsound communication strategies.

However, even the most skilled among us sometimes communicate in ways that turn peopleoff. The following are some communication “killers” to watch out for. By avoiding thesetraps, we can build rapport, leave a positive impression on others, and make communicatingwith us a valuable experience.

1. Making the other person “wrong.” Too many people view communication as anargument, where the objective is to prove that they are “right” and that the other person iswrong. The other person will always resent your attempt to establish that he or she is wrong.

Think about it: how do YOU like it when someone tries to prove that you are wrong? Most

Avoid These CommonCommunicationMistakes

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Your Employee Assistance Program

1-800-899-3926

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likely, you resent it when a co-worker or family memberplays this game with you. Many times we assert that weare right in matters of opinion, where there really is noright or wrong. Even if you are quoting a statistic andyou know the other person is mistaken, you gain little byinsisting that he or she is wrong.

Granted, there are some instances where it is importantto point out another person’s error – such as whensomeone insists the meeting is on Monday and youknow it is on Tuesday. However, this is the exceptionand it’s far better to make your point without setting upwinners and losers.

2. Talking too much about yourself. Just abouteveryone falls into this trap. You get in a discussion withsomeone and you dominate the conversation by talkingabout yourself, while allowing the other party very littleopportunity to speak. When you talk only about yourselfwithout letting the other party participate, you give themessage that you don’t care about the other person.

This creates resentment and that person will not lookforward to communicating with you in the future. On theother hand, when you listen to someone else, thatindividual feels validated and important. In yourupcoming conversations, make a note of the percentageof time you are speaking, as opposed to listening.

Remember this illustration: we are born with two earsand one mouth, and should strive to use them in thatproportion. When you listen twice as much as youspeak, the other person will have a positive impressionof you and will often feel that you are an interestingconversationalist, even though you did very little talking.

3. Interrupting. This is one of the most commoncommunication blunders. We start out listening tosomeone but then we begin to think of what we’re goingto say next and we tune them out. When we have ourthoughts ready to launch, we break into the discussionand start talking. This is insulting to the other party asyou did not let that person complete his or hercomments. Discipline yourself to let others finish theirthoughts before you chime in with yours.

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Communication Mistakes...Continued from page 1WELLNESS

Too Little Sleep Can DamageYour Physical and Mental HealthIf you think cutting back on yoursleep (less than the nightly 7-8 hoursof sleep recommended for adults)won’t harm your health, think again.Growing scientific evidencesuggests that too little sleep orerratic sleep may harm your health,mood and productivity at work.

Sleep and your appetite – A study from the University of Chicagofound that lack of sleep makes you want to eat more. The reason? Sleeploss appears to trigger changes in hormones that regulate appetite andstimulate hunger for high-calorie foods like cookies and chips. Accordingto another study, people who get less than the recommended seven toeight hours of sleep a night are up to 73% more likely to be obese.

Sleep and your physical health – According to the Harvard-runNurses’ Study, failing to get enough sleep heightens the risk for a varietyof major illnesses, including heart disease, cancer and diabetes. A reportfrom the study summarizes that a sleep deficit may put the body into astate of high alert, increasing the production of stress hormones anddriving up blood pressure, a major risk factor for heart attacks and strokes.Additionally, people who are sleep-deprived have elevated levels ofsubstances in the blood that indicate a heightened state of inflammation inthe body, which is now also recognized as a major risk factor for heartdisease, stroke, cancer and diabetes.

Sleep and your mental health – It is well-known that sleepproblems can be a key sign of depression. However, the latest medicalresearch now reports that the reverse is also true – sleep disorders canactually trigger depression or other mood disorders. The explanation?Sleep, mood and mental/emotional behaviors all share a complex mix ofchemistry in the brain. Disordered sleep appears to set off an array offorces in the brain and nervous system that can result in a depressedmood, major depressive episode or other mood disorder.

Sleep and your productivity – According to a Better Sleep Councilsurvey, sleep-deprived workers reported the following as work-relatedconsequences from lack of sleep:n 31 percent reported a decline in quality of workn 31 percent reported impaired thinking or judgment at workn 30 percent reported trouble retaining information

The survey summarized that “sleep deprivation impacts your alertness,your productivity and your ability to socially interact with co-workers.”

What to do

If you have difficulty with your sleep for any reason, take action. Most sleepdifficulties are either caused or reinforced by lifestyle habits or behaviorsthat are antagonistic toward good, restful sleep habits. There are manyresources at your local book store, library or online (National SleepFoundation website: www.sleepfoundation.org) that are filled withinformation and tips about how to get adequate sleep.

Communication Mistakes...Continued from page 2

Forgiveness – Good For YourHealth and HappinessIf you find yourself unable to forgive those who have hurt you – no matter how smallor major the offense – think again about what you are actually doing to yourself.Holding onto bitterness, pain, blame, anger orhostility is a form of internal stress that canundermine your health and quality of life. Whenwe’re unforgiving, we are the ones who pay theprice over and over.

Forgiving lowers stress

In a 2001 study of college students, studysubjects were instructed to either dwell on theinjustices done to them, or imagine themselvesforgiving their offenders. Those who focusedon unforgiving responses showed signs ofincreased stress – their blood pressure surged,heart rate increased, facial muscles tensed,and their negative feelings escalated.Conversely, forgiving responses induced calmerfeelings and physical responses.

According to the latest medical research, forgiveness can lead to:n reduced stress and hostilityn fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic painn lower risk of alcohol and substance abusen improved heart function / lower blood pressuren improved relationshipsn improved sleep

Learning to forgive

Forgiveness is not excusing someone else’s wrong behavior, nor does it necessarilyinclude reconciliation with the person who wronged us. Forgiveness means nolonger dwelling on the wounds that keep us tied to the past. By learning to forgive,you take responsibility for how you feel and take back the power from others tokeep hurting you.

The process of forgiveness begins by recognizing, accepting and working throughangry and hurt feelings. Journaling, writing letters (even if they are unmailed), ortalking with a trusted friend can be helpful. Seek out information or books about“how to forgive” or seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professionalto help you through the process of forgiveness.

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HEALING

4. Changing the subject abruptly in agroup discussion. This is a variation oninterrupting. You’re talking about your recentvacation with a group of friends whensomeone cuts you off and says somethinglike, “Did you see the baseball game lastnight?” How does that make you feel?

In most cases, the person cutting you offwants to steer the discussion back to a topicwhere he or she can re-assume command ofthe discussion and dominate once again.Sometimes, the person who cut you off justhas a limited attention span and needs tokeep changing subjects. Regardless of themotive, it’s rude.

5. Talking too much about the negative.People are bombarded with negative newsfrom the media. Terrorism, violent crime andnatural disasters are just a few of the topicsthat receive many hours of daily coverage.Then there’s the negative “drama” in yourpersonal life – your disappointing relationships,unfulfilling career, or bouts with illness.

While it’s only natural to share your lifeexperiences with others, especially friendsand co-workers, you don’t need to tell themeverything that’s wrong. What makes youthink they want to hear about yourdysfunctional family or the fact that you’renot appreciated at work? People haveenough troubles of their own without hearingyour tales of woe. Keep your conversationsuplifting and others will look forward tospeaking with you.

with them. If their phone rings or shows amessage coming in, they immediately diverttheir attention away from you. The messagethey’re giving is that the incomingcommunication is more important thananything you have to offer. Unless you areexpecting an emergency message (whichis rarely the case), turn off or ignore yourphone when meeting with others. You’llhave plenty of time to examine thosemessages later.

6. Treating your cell phone asmore important than the

person you’re speaking to.More and more people feelthe need to be “connected”with the world 24/7. Theseindividuals are slaves totheir cell phones. Itdoesn’t matter whetheryou’re in the middle of aconversation or meeting

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Healthy Exchange is published quarterly by Jenican Communications, 19 Gatewood Dr., Aliso Viejo, CA 92656, (949) 360-1508. Copyright © 2014 Jenican Communications. All rightsreserved. This newsletter is not intended to provide medical advice on personal wellness matters, which should be obtained directly from your physician.

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Communication Mistakes...Continued from page 3

7. Looking for more “important” people.This usually happens at networking events.You’re engaged in a discussion withsomeone when you see a person youperceive as “more important” than theperson you’re currently talking to. Your eyesdart toward the “important” person and allyou want to do is break away from theexisting discussion and approach theperson you perceive as more valuable. Thisis an insult to the person you’re talking to.

If you feel you must interrupt theconversation to seize an opportunity tospeak to someone else, explain the situationand promise the person that you will be backto resume your conversation with him or her.Then make sure to get back to that personafter your other discussion is complete.

If you are guilty of any of the communicationmistakes above, keep these in mind andwork to improve your communication skills.These are not simple habits to break andyou’ll need to be vigilant. But you canbecome a more effective communicator andwatch as other people respect you more –and your personal and professionalrelationships improve.

Did you know?Your EAP Website offers:• Employee/CustomerSatisfaction Surveys

• Administrator SatisfactionSurveys

• Articles & Newsletters• Quizzes & Self Assessment Instruments

• Tips on Stress Reduction• Management and Human Resource Tips

Forgot your password? Ask yourHuman Resource specialist forthe password or call the EAP at

1-800-899-3926.

www.theemployeeassistanceprogram.com

Your Employee Assistance Program

1-800-899-3926

Employee Assistance Program1-800-899-3926

• Personal / Work Stress

• Marital / Family Concerns

• Alcohol / Drug Concerns

• Frustration / Anger / Sadness

All of us experience personal, family or work related problems now and then.Sometimes, even ordinary problems can become overwhelming. It is at

these times, your EAP can provide free confidential assistance. Employees or family members can call to receive telephone consultation

and/or to schedule an appointment with an EAP specialist.

Read Healthy Exchange online: theemployeeassistanceprogram.comNewsletter comments welcome at: Managed Care Concepts

P.O. Box 812032, Boca Raton, FL 33481-2032

CALL FOR FREECONFIDENTIAL

HELP

Can you recognize the difference between strivingfor excellence and pursuing perfection? Certainly itis a good thing to have high standards and give yourbest effort at work. Perfectionists, however, havedifficulty recognizing when enough is enough.

The perfectionist is driven by more than the desireto do well. Perfectionists equate their self-worthwith achievement and flawless performance. Tofeel good about themselves, they must produceperfect work and see their mistakes as evidence oftheir lack of self-worth. In their pursuit of perfection – which is unattainable –perfectionists end up feeling bad about themselves most of the time, no matter how muchthey achieve.

Because perfectionists are driven to keep trying until they get things “perfect,” they oftenget hung up on meaningless details and spend more time on projects than necessary.The result? According to a 10-year study of over 9,000 managers and professionals,perfectionism at work makes for reduced job performance, depression, alienatedcolleagues and stress-related illness.

Are you suffering due to your own desires to be perfect?l You feel constant pressure to achievel You criticize yourself when you’re not perfectl You feel you haven’t done enough no matter how hard you try l You either want to do something “just right,” or not at alll You demand perfection from other people

If any of the statements above feel familiar to you, you could struggle with perfectionism.To eliminate perfectionist thinking, begin by recognizing the difference between anacceptable level of performance and the need to achieve perfection. Some tasks dodeserve meticulous preparation and execution, but most projects can be completed ontime with a more realistic effort.

Your EAP Is Here To Help: If perfectionism in the workplace – either your own or that ofyour boss or a co-worker – is causing difficulty in your life, call your Employee AssistanceProgram (EAP) for confidential counseling, referrals or information. We’re here to help you.

MANAGING WORKPLACE STRESS

What’s the ProblemWith Perfectionism?