haikus for jews by david m. bader - excerpt

8/7/2019 Haikus for Jews by David M. Bader - Excerpt

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Copyright 1999 by David M. Bader

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or trans-

mitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, in-

cluding photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and

retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published by Harmony Books,201 East 50th Street, New York,

New York 10022. Member of the Crown Publishing Group.

Random House, Inc. New York, Toronto,London, Sydney, Auckland

www.randomhouse.com

Harmony Books is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc.

Design by Barbara Sturman

Printed in the United States of America

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataBader, David M.

Haikus for Jews : for you, a little wisdom / David M. Bader.

p. cm.

1. Jewish wit and humor. 2. JewsHumor. 3. Senryu,

American. 4. Haiku, American. I. Title.

PN6231.J5B227 1999

811'.041088924dc21 99-31954

CIP

ISBN 0-609-60502-X

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

First Edition
http://www.randomhouse.com/crown


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There is no subject whatever

that is not fit for haiku.

B A S H O

This you call poetry?

Y I D D I S H P R O V E R B


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Foreword

Of all the many formsof Jewish-Japanese poetry, the Jewish haiku is

perhaps the most sublimely beautiful. Consisting

of just seventeen syllables, this little-known style

of verse combines the simplicity and elegance of

Asian art with the irritability and impatience

of Jewish kvetching. Its brief, carefully wrought

lines are designed to produce in the reader a

haiku momenta sudden, intense realization,

such as So thats it?


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The modern haiku owes its origins to

fifteenth-century Japan, where it was first noticed

that a seventeen-syllable poem was over much

sooner than other poems. After the failure of

experiments with eighteen- and nineteen-syllable

alternatives (too bloated), the haiku was em-

braced by Zen masters and Samurai warrior

monks, who were extremely pressed for time.

In keeping with the eras rigid code of Bushido,

haiku poets who exceeded the seventeen-syllable

limit were given the choice of committing hara-

kiriritual suicideor apologizing for being so

long-winded.

The earliest Jewish haikus were the contri-

bution of the now almost-forgotten Jewish HaikuMavens. Like the Japanese haiku, the Jewish haiku

was typically an untitled work, consisting of three

lines of five, seven, and five syllables, respectively.


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It also had to include a kigo, or season word,

hinting at the time of year. For example, in tra-

ditional Japanese haiku, russet could suggest

autumn, dragonfly could mean summer, while

cherry blossom might connote spring. Similarly,

in Jewish haiku, sunblock could signify summer,

extra sweater winter, and doing my taxes spring.

In Jewish haiku, the season word was some-

times left out entirely and replaced by a home-

furnishings word,such as broadloom.

Perhaps the most brilliant poet of the Jew-

ish haiku was Sheldon Sashimi Lepstein, ac-

cording to his mother. Lepstein grew up aspiring

to be a retainer in the court of the Tokugawa

Shogunate. Since he was born on the Upper WestSide of Manhattan in 1948, he enrolled in City

College instead. There, influenced by such haiku

poets as Basho, Issa, and Shiki, he soon found

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himself drawn to the works of Melvin Wein-

traub (Floop, floop! The sound of / matzoh balls

plunging into / boiling chicken broth) and Irving

Gittelman (Pans empty, plates cleared, / yet

another pot roast is / now indigestion).

Lepstein eventually mastered the intrica-

cies of the Jewish haiku himself. Some of his

finest efforts, the product of bitter life experi-

ence, were even more pointed and concise than

traditional haiku, such as his searing one-syllable

poem, Oy! and his two-syllable epic, Gevalt!

He is perhaps best remembered today for the

melancholy haiku

No fins, no flippers,the gefilte fish swims with

some difficulty.


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Though adhering to the traditional format,

the haikus in this volume have been made moreaccessible to meet the needs of Jewish people

who may be in a hurry. All syllables have been

counted and re-counted by the accounting firm

of PricewaterhouseCoopers. The author takes full

responsibility for any errors that may have crept

in, possibly as a result of proofreading after a

heavy meal and feeling a little sleepy.

12s

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HaikusFORJews


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Five thousand years awandering peoplethen we

found the cabanas.


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16s

17

Hey! Get back indoors!Whatever you were doing

could put an eye out.


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In the ice sculpturereflected bar-mitzvah guests

nosh on chopped liver.


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How soft the petalsof the floral arrangement

I have just stolen.

18s

19


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Shocking new findingall this worrying really

will give you cancer.


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Catskills hotel signPresident Johnson slept here

Havent changed a thing.

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Add cholesterol,overcook, then serve with bread

recipe revealed.


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22s

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Beyond Valium,the peace of knowing ones child

is an internist.


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Firefly steals intothe night just like my former

partner, that gonif.


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The same kimonothe top geishas are wearing

got it at Loehmanns.

24s

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