gullivers travels play script draft four

(Name of Project)

by(Name of First Writer)

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WONDERLAND PRODUCTIONS

GULLIVER’S TRAVELSBY JONATHAN SWIFT

Written and Adapted by Alice CoghlanIn collaboration with the original cast.

Directed by Alice Coghlan

First performed at Mermaid Arts Centre

December 16th 2010.

Copyright Alice Coghlan 2010

[email protected]

www.wonderlandtheatre.com.

CAST LIST

Gulliver - Nathan Gordon

GULLIVER FAMILY

Mary Gulliver - Sarah Kinlen

Betty Gulliver - Roseanne Lynch

Lemuel Gulliver - Graeme Singleton

A VOYAGE TO LILLIPUT

Tergoscar, Peasant of Lilliput- Graeme Singleton

Yeoman Tolgo of Lilliput - Fra Gunn

Emperor of Lilliput- Sarah Kinlen

Empress of Lilliput - Roseanne Lynch

Flimnap, Lord High Treasurer - Graeme Singleton

Lady Flimnap - Sarah Kinlen

Citizen of Mildendo - Fra Gunn as puppeteer

Shopkeeper of Mildendo - Fra Gunn as puppeteer

Emperor of Blefuscu - Graeme Singleton

Admiral of Blefuscu- Fra Gunn

People of Lilliput - Fra Gunn

A VOYAGE TO BROBDINGNAG

Captain Peter Williams - Fra Gunn

Tom Watkins - Sarah Kinlen

Watch Leader - Graeme Singleton

Glumdalclitch Brumdalnitch - Roseanne Lynch

Farmer Brumdalnitch - Fra Gunn

Mistress Brumdalnitch - Sarah Kinlen

Gozol Brumdalnitch - Graeme Singleton

Beggar - Graeme Singleton

Mistress Buzgloopee (Queen in disguise) - Sarah Kinlen

Shepherd boy - Graeme Singleton

2.

(MORE)

Queen of Brobdingnag - Sarah Kinlen

Dwindle Dwarf - Graeme Singleton

King of Brobdingnag - Fra Gunn

Monkey - Fra Gunn

Eagle that picks Gulliver’s box up - Sarah Kinlen

Puppeteers of shadow eagles- Graeme Singleton & Fra Gunn

Captain Thomas Wilcocks - Graeme Singleton

A VOYAGE TO HOUYHNHNM’S LAND

James Welch - Graeme Singleton

Pirate First Mate - Fra Gunn

Teenage Yahoo - Roseanne Lynch

Yobo Yahoo - Graeme Singleton

Female Yahoo - Sarah Kinlen

Sorrel Nag - Roseanne Lynch

Master Grey - Graeme Singleton

Chief Houyhnhnm - Fra Gunn

Baby Yahoo- puppet

Favourite Yahoo - Fra Gunn

Prosecuting Houyhnhnm - Sarah Kinlen

Don Pedro de Mendez - Fra Gunn

3.

(CONT'D)

CONTENTS

Act 1: Lilliput

Scene 1 : Gulliver Leaves Home and is Shipwrecked 6

Scene 2 : Arrival in Lilliput 6

Scene 3 : The Lilliputians Discover a Giant 7

Scene 4 : Audience with the Emperor at the Gates of Mildendo 8

Scene 5 : Tour of Mildendo 16

Scene 6 : Tour of the Empress' Apartments 17

Scene 7 : Tour of the Emperor's Apartments 19

Scene 8 : Gulliver Seizes the Naval Fleet at Blefuscu 21

Scene 9 : Gulliver Urinates on the Queens Apartment and Flees 28

Scene 10: Escape from Lilliput 33

Part 2: Brobdingnag

Scene 11: Arrival in Brobdingnag 35

Scene 12: The Streets of Flanflasnic 42

Scene 13: Freak Show at the Sign on the Green Eagle 44

Scene 14: The Queen Purchases the Grildig 47

Scene 15: Gulliver is Abducted by a Monkey 49

Scene 16: The Queen's Bedchamber 53

Scene 17: Interview with the King of Brobdingnag 55

Scene 18: Departure from Brobdingnag 57

Scene 19: Gulliver is rescued from Brobdingnag by the Sailors 61

Scene 20: The Return to Mary and Betty 62

Act 3: Houyhnhnm's Land

Scene 21: Mutiny onboard Ship - Gulliver is Put Ashore 64

Scene 22: Arrival in Houyhnhnm's Land 67

Scene 23: Waiting for the Wizard 70

Scene 24: Gulliver is Examined by the Houyhnhnms 71

Scene 25: The Houyhnhnm Dinner 74

4.

(MORE)

Scene 26: Nature Trail through Yahoo Territory 75

Scene 27: Gulliver Washes in the River 78

Scene 28: The Houyhnhnm Assembly 80

Scene 29: Departure from Houyhnhnm Country 81

Scene 30: The Portuguese Sailors Rescue Gulliver 83

Scene 31: The Final Return to England 84

Scene 32: Epilogue in the Stable 85

Glossary 87

5.

CONTENTS (CONT'D)

SCENE 1: GULLIVER LEAVES HOME AND IS SHIPWRECKED(The Gulliv er f amily at dinner as a storm rages at the windows. The Ensemble sing.)

Adieu sweet lovely Mary

Ten thousand times adieu

I am bound to cross the ocean love

To seek for something new

Come change your ring with me dear girl

Come change your ring with me

That it might be a token of our true love

When I am on the sea(The scene becomes a ship.)

And now that I am on the sea

I know not where I am

Kind letters I will write to you

From every foreign land

The secrets of my mind fine girl

The best of all goodwill

So let your body be where it is

My heart will be with you still(A clap of thunder and the storm rises)

There's a heavy storm arising

See how it gathers round

While we poor souls on the ocean wide(The ship breaks up, the sailors are swept into the water but continue to sing f aintly .)

Are ploughing through the deep

There's no-one to defend us love

And keep us from the cold

On the ocean wide where we must b ide

Like jolly sailors old.

SCENE 2: ARRIVAL IN LILLIPUT

Instrumental Music from Adieu Nancy theme. Gulliver is shipwrecked, he swims for his life and tries and fails to put his feet on the bottom.

6.

Suddenly to his great surprise he can. He wades to the shore for over a mile. He is very weak and drunk. The light is the hot Lilliputian light somewhere north west of the Tasmanian coastline.

As Gulliver walks up the beach, a puppet peasant enters. He wants to scream but then decides against it. He runs off and returns with help.

Gulliver starts to snore. It starts to get dark. The Lilliputians return with lanterns. The snoring is suddenly much louder.

SCENE 3: THE LILLIPUTIANS DISCOVER A GIANT

YEOMAN TOLGO OFLILLIPUT

Go softly Tergoscar - that way you won’t wake the man mountain up. Sh softly does it...

TERGOSCAR PEASANT OFLILLIPUT

Maybe he eats little people?


I’ll gut him before he does. Now you take the ball and I’ll take the twine. And up the man cliff I rise.

They start to unravel the ball of twine. Yeoman climbs up and onto Gulliver.


What does it feel like up there?


Like I’m about to meet my Maker.

TERGOSCAR PEASANT OF LILLIPU

Wait for me!

He climbs up too.

What are you doing to his moon face?


I’m sewing his eye lashes together.


Why don’t you just stab his eye out?

7.


He may be more valuable to the Empire of Lilliput sighted. If we can tie him down before he wakes,

the Emperor can have him transported to his capital at Mildendo.


Have a man mountain transported to his capital at Miledendo. How?


Tergoscar I will do all your thinking for you.


Eh yeah..

YEOMAN OF LILLIPUT

And the Emperor all your speculating.

SCENE 4: AUDIENCE WITH THE EMERPOR AT THE GATES OF MILDENDO

Everyone looks upwards for the Emperor and a puppet enters on horseback, to the music of See the Conquering Hero Comes.

LORD FLIMNAP

All Hail Golbasto Mom maren Evlame Gurdilo Shefin Mully Ully Gue the most mighty Emperor of

Lilliput, Delight and Terror of the Universe. Monarch of all Monarchs, at whose nod the princes of

the earth shake their knees;

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Pleasant as the spring,

LORD FLIMNAP

Comfortable as the summer,

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Fruitful as the autumn,

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Dreadful as the winter.

The Ensemble bow. The Emperor surveys Gulliver, but never gets closer than the end of his chain. The Emperor’s horse rears up but he is not unseated.

8.

PEOPLE OFLILLIPUT

All Hail the King!

Gulliver lies down with his face on the earth to talk to the Emperor.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Welcome to our Empire of Lilliput Man Mountain.

GULLIVER

Please grant me my freedom.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Your Majesty.

LORD FLIMNAP

Man Mountain, God will grant you your liberty if and when the Emperor feels like it.

GULLIVER(to audience)

Oh.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

My royal dignity is offended by his bulk.

GULLIVER

I’m sorry about that.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT(to his and his Empress’ puppeteers)

Still offended. Pray make our Royal Persons taller, taller and taller still!

GULLIVER

May I introduce myself? My name is Lemuel Gulliver I’m a Doctor and Ship’s Surgeon and I haven’t

visited a court before. Would you like to step into my hand? I won’t eat you ...

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Three thousand of my choicest archers are ready to fire their arrows at you if you do.

The archers growl enthusiastically.

Now is every Lilliputian watching?

9.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Oui. The Royal Correspondents are scribbling away.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Then Man Mountain raise me up! Higher, higher and higher still.

Gulliver lifts the King above his head. Wild cheers from the Lilliputians.

ENSEMBLE

Long live the King/He is so tall/ His head strikes the sun/Long live the Sun King!

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

I feel like a God up here.

GULLIVER

You are a God. And I am your humble subject.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

I am not a God, but I am by God’s grace, God’s ninety-sixth Vice-Regent on Earth. God chose me to

rule in Lilliput because I am the tallest.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Are you frightened up there chou chou fleur?

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

No. I’m enjoying the fine views of our Celestial Metropolis of Mildendo.

More wild cheers from the Lilliputians.

It is the most beautiful metropolis in five thousand blustrugs- isn’t it Man Mountain?

GULLIVER

Your city looks like a painted scene at the theatre to me. Why the tallest tree is only seven foot high!

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Seven of your feet Man Mountain are eighty four of mine! And I am the Emperor.

GULLIVER

I apologise Your Majesty, but I come from a land where every human creature has the same foot

size as me.

10.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Liar. My philosophers have decided on the truth, and that truth is that you have dropped from the

moon.(looking down)

Fine day to take the air eh.

ENSEMBLE

All Hail the Sun King!

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Your brave Emperor is risking his life for Lilliput’s safety.

An audib le intake from the crowd follows each of the following phrases.

Your Emperor has reason to believe that this Man Mountain could be armed and dangerous. He

could be a Trojan Horse stuffed full of Big Endians.

ENSEMBLE

Boo.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Is that the beating of a heart or is that the ticking of a bomb? Pretend that you’re a scary giant.

Gulliver obliges. The Lilliputians cower. The King attempts to look brave but fails.

GULLIVER

Agh! Arr..Agh!

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Woh. Help!

GULLIVER

Ah!

The yeoman fires and hits Gulliver in the bottom. He pulls out the miniature arrow. He takes out his hanger.

GULLIVER (CONT’D)

You vicious little vermin.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

11.

Gulliver puts the Emperor puppet back on the ground.

Who fired at the Royal Person?

YEOMAN OF LILLIPUT

Not me. I’m too stupid.

LORD FLIMNAP

Seize him!

Flimnapp beats the executioner’s drum. The peasant runs to hide. Once he has he is replaced by his puppet which is all bound up with string.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Should we hang, draw and quarter him, as of old?

ENSEMBLE

Yes.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

No today we have a brand new punishment for High Treason in Lilliput - Mastication by Giant! Man

Mountain I humbly present you with your Afternoon Tea.

YEOMAN OF LILLIPUT

Please Sir I didn’t do it.

ENSEMBLE

Eat him, eat him.

YEOMAN OF LILLIPUT

Don’t eat me, oh no.

ENSEMBLE

Eat him.

YEOMAN OF LILLIPUT

I taste of pooh.

GULLIVER

But I like pooh.

12.

ENSEMBLE

Eat him, eat him, eat him.

Gulliver picks up the archer puppet. He makes a face that he would eat him alive. The puppet squalls, and the ensemble are in terrib le pain, even the Emperor thinks he might have gone too far this time.

GULLIVER

We don’t eat peasants in England.

YEOMAN OF LILLIPUT

Thank God for that.

Gulliver takes out his hanger and then surprises the ensemble by cutting the archer free of his bonds and letting him run away.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Man Mountain is merciful. Merci Man Mountain.

ENSEMBLE

Merci Man Mountain.

GULLIVER

Please grant me my liberty Your Majesty.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

No. What’s that?

Gulliver takes out his pocket pistol.

GULLIVER

It’s my pocket pistol.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

I want your hollow pocket pistol.

GULLIVER

Grant me my freedom first.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

No.

13.

GULLIVER

Don’t be afraid my Lady.

Gulliver fires his pistol in the air. Hundreds fall down as if they have been struck dead. The Emperor remains standing but takes a few moments to recover himself. The Empress is quivering on the ground, Gulliver helps her up.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Merci.

GULLIVER

Will you grant me my liberty now?

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

No.

GULLIVER

Just what do you want me to do?

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Guess.

GULLIVER

Well I could promise to make an exact survey of the circumference your empire, with my paces.

Like so...

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Guess again...

GULLIVER

I could quarry and raise great stones for the construction of temples, palaces and castles for

Mildendo. Like so...

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Last try.

GULLIVER

I could promise to defend your Lilliputian empire against her enemies? Like so...

Gulliver flourishes his pocket pistol.

14.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Yes! Free him!

Lord Flimnap unlocks Gulliver’s chains. Festive music.

LORD FLIMNAP

May I offer you my compliments on your liberty Man Mountain?

GULLIVER

Why not?

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Lord Flimnap.

The Emperor puppet indicates that Lord Flimnap should leave for Gulliver’s cloak.

People of Lilliput from today you have a giant ally against the miniscule Empire of Blefuscu! To

mark this auspicious day, I have ordered that a new suit of clothes be made for Man Mountain by

two hundred of our seamstresses and three hundred of our tailors. Long /Live Man Mountain.

ENSEMBLE

/Long Live Man Mountain etc.

The suit of clothes is dragged in by Lord Flimnap. Gulliver puts it on and lifts the Emperor and Empress into his hands and leaves, followed by Lord Flimnap and the carriage.

SCENE 5: TOUR OFMILDENDO

LORD FLIMNAP

People of Mildendo: Your most mighty Emperor, whose dominions extend to the extremities of the

globe and whose feet press down to its centre, has granted a licence for his latest favourite to visit

your city.

ENSEMBLE

Hurrah!

Gulliver’s approaching footsteps sound thunderous. Shopkeeper and Citizen are up on the roof.

15.

CITIZEN OF MILDENDO

Here he comes.

SHOPKEEPER OF MILDENDO

The good Lord be praised ... He’s stepping over the Lion’s Gate.

LORD FLIMNAP

All citizens are commanded to keep within their houses, at their peril.

GULLIVER

What a populous metropolis!

Wild cheers.

How many of you are there down on the rooftops?

SHOPKEEPER OF MILDENDO

Five hundred thousand and fifty eight souls all told.

GULLIVER

Then Mildendo is more populous than our capital city of London.

CITIZEN OF MILDENDO

Mildendo is the biggest.

GULLIVER

Mildendo is the best!

EVERYONE

Long live Man Mountain.

LORD FLIMNAP

Stay within your houses, by royal order.

GULLIVER

Which is the way to His Majesty’s Palace at Blefaborac citizen?

CITIZEN OF MILDENDO

It’s where our two great streets come together!

Gulliver turns in a new direction.

16.

GULLIVER

Why I thank you citizen.

SCENE 6: TOUR TO THE EMPRESS’ APARTMENTS

The lights come up on the Queen and her Lady in Waiting.

LADY FLIMNAP

The colossus is in the Blenheim Courtyard Your Majesty.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Mon dieu. Is everything looking magnificent?

LADY FLIMNAP

Oui. Don’t tell the Emperor but I can’t wait to see how big it is ..

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Imagine.

Gulliver surprises them by being at the window. Both women look up, look at each other and giggle

GULLIVER

Hello Your Highness. What a delightful residence you have here. It’s daintier than my daughter

Betty’s Doll’s House. You must have paid a lot for it eh?

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

It was my dowry Man Mountain.

GULLIVER

Oh really?

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

My father is the Emperor of Blefuscu - their King married me strategically. The palace was so fusty,

gothic and well, Lilliputian when I arrived, and so I have spent years Blefuscifying it.

LADY FLIMNAP

I dare you to look up.

17.

GULLIVER

And who is this Your Majesty?

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

This is Lady Flimnap, my Lady in Waiting and my husband’s mistress.

GULLIVER

Oh.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Lady Flimnap you are dismissed. I prefer to be Blefuscan about these things. So - she has three

children now and I zero.

Lady Flimnap curtsies and still can’t stop giggling.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT (CONT’D)

Here is my hand.

She puts her hand out of the window.

GULLIVER

I am very honoured that you put your hand out of the window for me Your Highness.

Gulliver gives her hand a slobbery kiss.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Ugh. I’m sure my husband is waiting for you in his cabinet Man Mountain.

SCENE 7: TOUR TO THE EMPEROR’S APARTMENTS

Gulliver crosses to the Emperor’s cab inet and peers through the window. The King holds a gold sceptre aloft under and over which Lord Flimnap is leaping and creeping.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Good Morning Man Mountain. Under-

LORD FLIMNAP

We’ve been expecting you.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Over- Boy what purpose do you think this trial of dexterity serves?

18.

GULLIVER

It keeps your ministers fit and flexible for their old age?

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Over. No. The ancient art of leaping and creeping exercises the Art of Politics. Under! Lord Flimnap

is a candidate for the great office of Commander of our Lilliputian Expeditionary Force against

Blefuscu. Over!

GULLIVER(joking)

Would you like me to apply too?

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Actually I would. Under.

GULLIVER

How?

LORD FLIMNAP

By competing in this ceremony of course!

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT(raising the sceptre to an impossible height)

Over - over - over!

Go and find some dusty hole and shuffle papers in it.

LORD FLIMNAP

I am sorry if my elasticity has disappointed Your Majesty. Under?

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Off with you!

Lord Flimnap leaves. The Emperor takes out a hard boiled egg.

Man Mountain which end should I break my breakfast egg on? The big end or the little end?

GULLIVER

The convenient end.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Are you mocking me boy?

19.

GULLIVER

No.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Good. In the other Empire of the universe they believe that eggs should only be broken on their big

end. Now what do you say to that?

GULLIVER

That must be the wrong end.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Right.

GULLIVER

Right.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Right. The Godly way is to break one’s egg on its smaller end. Our two empires have been

engaged in the most bloody and obstinate war over this orthodoxy for last six and thirty moons. My

grandfather, the Emperor with six wives, was the very first Small Endian on Lilliput, and I have

inherited from him his love of a roast swan, a well-planned execution and of course a crusade. To

come to the point, my wife’s spies have informed us today, that the Emperor of the miniscule

Empire of Blefuscu, has assembled fifty men-of-war, and if there is a fair wind tonight, they will sail

against Lilliput tonight!

GULLIVER

Tonight?

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Tonight. I have every faith in your strength, valour and gratitude my magnificent Man Mountain and I

will be waiting for you, your bulk and your strategy on my seashore at sunset tonight.

GULLIVER

Tonight ... tonight ... tonight...

Gulliver looks around with his telescope.

20.

SCENE 8: GULLIVER SEIZES THE NAVAL FLEET AT BLEFUSCU

A seashore at sunset.

Gulliver is holding fifty metal cab les and hooks.

The Empress holds out her hand. She is holding back the tears.

GULLIVER

Your Highness, I hope to have the honour of kissing your hand upon my victorious return

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Be merciful to my father Man Mountain, he is a good man.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Make haste - I want the fun to start now.

ENSEMBLE

God is with you Man Mountain - God be with you Man Mountain etc.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Oh I wish I’d asked if I could sail over on his shoulder.

Music. Gulliver wades into the sea and eventually starts to swim. As he moves away the cries of good wishes from the Lilliputians fade to a mid-sea silence.

ADMIRAL OFBLEFUSCU

A man eating giant is wading its way into Blefuscu harbour Your Majesty.

EMPEROR OFBLEFUSCU

Muster every sailor on Blefuscu.

Gulliver arrives at the Blefuscan ships and starts to attach his tackle to their prows.

GULLIVER

People of Blefuscu if you hold your fire then I’ll promise not to/ hurt you.

EMPEROR OFBLEFUSCU

God save Big Endians! Draw. Aim. /Fire!

ENSEMBLE

Fire!

21.

GULLIVER

Stop prickling me!

EMPEROR OFBLEFUSCU

Aim for his eyes you twits!

ENSEMBLE

Draw. Aim./ Fire.

ADMIRAL OFBLEFUSCU

Fire. We’re winning!

Gulliver puts on his glasses.

GULLIVER

Your losing. Agh.

ENSEMBLE

Oh no!

GULLIVER

Fee-fi- fo-fum- I smell the blood of a Blefuscan.

Be he live or be he dead - I’ll take your tallest for my bread!

Gulliver picks up the Emperor puppet who carries on fighting. The Blefuscans stop firing and start to whimper and wail.

EMPEROR OFBLEFUSCU

Keep fighting Blefuscu. I am proud to die as your Emperor.

Gulliver puts the Emperor into his pocket. The Blefuscans stop fighting so much.

GULLIVER

But I promised your daughter I’d be merciful.

ENSEMBLE

He’s cutting our ships adrift!

EMPEROR OFBLEFUSCU AND ENSEMBLE

AAgggghhhhh!

22.

ENSEMBLE

He’s dragging our ships to Lilliput! Aaggggggggggghhhhhhh.

Gulliver starts to drag the ships away with him.

Sound effect of wooden ships moving off together.

GULLIVER

Can you swim Your Highness?

EMPEROR OFBLEFUSCU

Like a whale.

GULLIVER

Then swim back to your Blefuscu

ENSEMBLE

Blefuscu is undone...

GULLIVER

Bloody arrows.

The sun is rising. The voices of the Blefuscans get a little quieter as Gulliver moves away. Gulliver picks the arrows out of his clothing. He walks up the Lilliputian beach.

Long Live the most powerful and puissant Emperor of Lilliput.

PEOPLE OFLILLIPUT

Long Live Man Mountain!

Gulliver makes a show of his strength.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

People of Lilliput God has sent this man to help and defend you.

The people cheer.

We hereby honour this man with Lilliput’s highest title of Nardac.

Gulliver kneels.

GULLIVER

I thank Your Majesties.

23.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

It is we who have to thank you. Rise Nardac Man Mountain .

People of Lilliput, once Nardac Man Mountain swims back to Blefuscu and returns with the

remainder of the enemy’s fleet, Blefuscu will be reduced to a province of Lilliput!

ENSEMBLE

God save Nardac Man Mountain.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

With Man Mountain’s help, we will destroy and put to death the Big-Endian heretics, and compel the

whole universe to break its eggs on their smaller ends! Won’t we Nardac Man Mountain?

GULLIVER

No Your Majesty

EMPEROR AND ENSEMBLE

Uh?

GULLIVER

I will not make free people into s laves.

ENSEMBLE

Uh?

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

You are my subject, I am your King. I think for you. Don’t I?

ENSEMBLE

Yes!

GULLIVER(to the audience)

I refuse to let him become sole monarch of his universe.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Are you ready to do your duty?

GULLIVER

I think all true believers should break their eggs on their convenient ends.

24.

The Emperor is speechless with rage.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Then I am going to host a banquet on the beach in your honour Man Mountain.

Gulliver picks up the Queen’s puppet and takes her off to the picnic.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Heretic!

LORD FLIMNAP

Heretic.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT AND LORD FLIMNAP

Heretic.

GULLIVER(quietly )

Your Majesty I kept your father safe in my pocket and let him swim back to Blefuscu. In fact no one

was killed in the battle.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Merci. I am in your debt.

GULLIVER

I hope to be of service again.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Would Man Mountain like to taste some bread baked in the Blefuscan style?

Miniature baskets of French bread are given to Gulliver by the puppet Queen.

GULLIVER

Yes please.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Voila!

PEOPLE OFLILLIPUT

Long Live Nardac Man Mountain. Ten

25.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

He’s the people’s hero now.

ENSEMBLE

Twenty.

LORD FLIMNAP

His diet could soon cause a famine.

ENSEMBLE

Two hundred.

GULLIVER

More.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

To wash it all down, here is wine from my own vineyards on Blefuscu.

Miniature barrels are handed to Gulliver by the puppet Queen. Gulliver throws each barrel away and the ensemble run away.

PEOPLE OFLILLIPUT

Seven.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

We should starve him to death.

ENSEMBLE AND GULLIVER

Seventy.

LORD FLIMNAP

The stench of so large a carcass might provoke a plague in our metropolis.

ENSEMBLE AND GULLIVER AND EMPRESS

Seven hundred!

GULLIVER

People of Mildendo I thank you. To Mildendo!

Gulliver belches. He is more than a little drunk. He picks up yet more barrels and throws them to the ground.

26.

ENSEMBLE

To Mildendo!

GULLIVER

To Lilliput!

ENSEMBLE

To Lilliput!

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

To Nardac Man Mountain.

ENSEMBLE

To Nardac Man Mountain!

GULLIVER

Excellent people of Lilliput I must thank you for your hospitality.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

We thank you. From this day forward, let this day be known as Nardac Man Mountain Day!

Wild cheering.

GULLIVER

And now children, come and play in my pockets!

Gulliver goes to his house, curls up to go to sleep.

SCENE 9: GULLIVER URINATES ON THE QUEEN’S APARTMENT AND FLEES

The shadow puppet fire begins.

The sound of a fire - palace alarm bells- it becomes louder as Gulliver’s party approach the palace.

Gulliver is asleep in his Temple and snoring loudly.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Help! Fire! Fire! Fire I’m trapped Help Fire etc.

The Lilliputians bang on the Temple doors.

27.

LADY FLIMNAP

Wake up Nardac Man Moutain? Wake up - fire has broken out in the Empress’ apartments!

GULLIVER

Fire? How?

LADY FLIMNAP

A Maid of Honour was reading a Blefuscan romance and feel asleep over it...

GULLIVER

Headless girl.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Help!

Gulliver leaves for the palace.

LORD FLIMNAP

Clear every street for Nardac Man Mountain, by Royal Order.

ENSEMBLE

Make way - make way.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Help!

GULLIVER

Stay calm Your Highness, I’m coming to save you.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Help! If I jump I’ll crack my legs in four.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Make haste Man Mountain!

GULLIVER

I’m here Your Highness.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Merci.

28.

GULLIVER

Pray climb up into my hand.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Merci Man Mountain.

GULLIVER

Pray stand back Your Majesty.

Gulliver brings the Empress to the Emperor

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Ma cherie you’re safe.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Oui. Deluge the flames Man Mountain.

The whole ensemble forms a chain gang to pass buckets to Gulliver.

GULLIVER

Faster - faster- faster - let’s work in double time.


Faster!

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

When will it rain?

ENSEMBLE

Faster - faster - faster!

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Do something Man Mountain.

GULLIVER

People of Lilliput watch how your Nardac can rain on a fire!

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Noooo!

29.

GULLIVER

And out she sizzles.

Gulliver urinates all over the palace. Pissing and crackling sounds. The Lilliputians watch in horror.

Thank God for that presence of mind.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Our palace has been defiled.

Gulliver approaches the Emperor and Empress.

GULLIVER

I’m delighted that I just drank so much of your delicious Blefuscan wine Your Majesty.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Nardac Man Mountain it is high treason to make water within the Royal Precincts.

GULLIVER

I know. But my waters have saved your magnificent palace at Blefaborac. Long Live the Empress!

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Long Live the Emperor.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Grovel before me.

GULLIVER

What’s happening?

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

It was a malicious, treacherous, devilish discharge. Eh! People of Lilliput how should your

Emperor punish such a traitor?

LORD FLIMNAP

Set fire to his house at night!

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

And then surround it with twenty thousand men armed with poisoned arrows.

30.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

How will we dispose of the body?

LORD FLIMNAP

It’ll be cremated Your Majesty.

GULLIVER

Your Majesty I am your most loving Nardac.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Man Mountain although your crimes are great, there is still room for mercy.

LORD FLIMNAP

Mercy is a most commendable virtue in a Prince and one for which the Emperor is so justly

celebrated. Long/Live the Emperor.

PEOPLE OFLILLIPUT

Long Live the Emperor!

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

As a mark of my great friendship and favour towards you Man Mountain, I am going to order my

surgeons to simply press sharp pointed arrows into the balls of your eyes.

Gulliver stands.

GULLIVER

No.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Yes I say.

GULLIVER

No I say.

Gulliver tears a great rock out of the palace walls.

GULLIVER (CONT’D)

No. People of Mildendo I could pelt your palace to pieces.

31.

EVERYONE

No!

Gulliver towers menacingly over the people of Lilliput.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

I will fight you to the death Man Mountain!

GULLIVER

You are the most pernicious race of little odious vermin that ever crawled upon the surface of the

earth. Now if Your Highnesses will excuse me, I have an invitation to visit the Emperor of Blefuscu.

And I’m travelling by ship.

Gulliver throws his stone wide of the people who all scatter and scream. Gulliver swims away with a ship.

EMPEROR OFLILLIPUT

Come back and fight me like a big man.

EMPRESS OFLILLIPUT

Oh my palace...

SCENE 10: ESCAPE FROM LILLIPUT

Very loud sounds of the sea. Music.

It is still night time with a touch of dawn on the horizon.

Gulliver is floating on the sea with his ships in his hands. There is fog and he’s lost.

He empties a sheep in a cage into his mouth.

TOM WATKINS

A hundred years is a very long time,

Ho, yes, ho!


A hundred years ago.

They used to think that pigs could fly

32.

ENSEMBLE

Ho, yes, ho!

TOM WATKINS

I don't believe it, no, not I.

ENSEMBLE


CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS

They thought the stars were set a-light,

GULLIVER

Ho, yes, ho!

ENSEMBLE

By some good angel every night,



TOM WATKINS

Captain there’s someone floating down there in the water.


Haul to starboard.

GULLIVER

Help!


Ready about?

ENSEMBLE

Ready.


And Heave Ho.

33.

GULLIVER

Mij helpen!


We’re coming to get you! Who’s down there?

GULLIVER

My name is Lemuel Gulliver.


Thy life’s a miracle. The Swallow went down north west of Van Diemen’s Land nine months ago.

Haven’t you recognised my voice yet Lemuel?

GULLIVER

No..


It’s your old sea pal Peter Williams..

GULLIVER

This is the kind of thing that only happens in books!

FIRST MATE

Welcome aboard


The Swift

ENSEMBLE

Gulliver.

TOM WATKINS

We’re sailing for Japan if we don’t run out of fresh water ...

They thought the moon was made of cheese.

34.

ENSEMBLE

Ho, yes, ho!

You can believe it if you please.



Ho, yes, ho!



SCENE 11: ARRIVAL IN BROBDINGNAG

The sailors’ song accompanies the sailors as they row ashore. The song fades away as they climb out onto the beach. The natural sounds of the beach sound louder than might be expected. There is the rumble of humid thunder in the air. The sailors carry vessels for water collection.

TOM WATKINGS

Waterfalls of the Pacific- Tom Watkins is dreaming of you!

WATCH LEADER(to the audience)

I’m so thirsty I could drink bilge water.

GULLIVER

Ugh.

WATCH LEADER

Captain if there be lava due east, there may be creeks due west.


Hmm.

GULLIVER(Only Gulliver still has a water bottle)

Peter can I have leave to make what discoveries I can?


Go - go.

35.

Gulliver walks up into the auditorium and the Captain sits down to rest.

WATCH LEADER (sarcastically )

Has he got his Union Jack to hand?

TOM WATKINS

Water! Up here! Water.


Water men. Water!

The sailors run towards the water and fall into it, scooping it up and rolling in it.

An earth tremor begins.

WATCH LEADER

Water! Sweet water.

TOM WATKINS

I’m so happy I’m blowing bubbles.

WATCH LEADER

What’s that?


Don’t be alarmed - it’s only a volcanic tremor.

The sailors all start to feel the tremor but really want to drink.

WATCH LEADER

Captain Williams something or someone is banging something somewhere.

TOM WATKINS

Cannibals ...


Quick! Fill up the water vessels.

Tom Watkins belches loudly.

36.

WATCH LEADER

It’s getting darker.


That’s the sun in the pines. The Lord be praised - that tree’s taller than our cathedral at Salisbury.

Very loud sounds of Glumdalclitch laughing. Every time her feet bang the sailor group bounces up.

WATCH LEADER

But it has two legs?

TOM WATKINS

Uh?


That hand is bigger than I am. It’s a -

WATCH LEADER AND CAPTAIN PETER WILLIAMS

Giant!!

TOM WATKINS

A giant?

WATCH LEADER & CAPTAIN

A giantess!!

Incredulous pause. Then they all scream together.

ENSEMBLE

Run Tom! Run! Run. Giant. It’s a giant etc.

They run around the stage and clamber back into their boat.


Wait. Have any of you men seen Doctor Gulliver?

TOM WATKINS

Uh-ah.

37.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Gru - gru.


But I was best man at his wedding..

Watch Leader bangs him on the head with an oar and throws him in the boat.

TOM WATKINS

That’s mutiny.

WATCH LEADER

That’s orders. Come on Tom. Two six

TOM AND WATCH LEADER

Heave!

WATCH LEADER

Two six

TOM AND WATCH LEADER

Heave etc

Glumdalclitch enters the stage.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Gru Gru back mala dingnag. I’m only a little girl. Gru Gru back mala dingnag

GULLIVER

WAIT FOR GULLIVER!

TOM WATKINS

God be with you Gulliver!

Glumdalclitch enters the water. She is trying to catch up with the sailors. As she wades in deeper the sheet rises higher.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Gru gru back mala dingnag- gru gru backk - Don’t be frightened. Gru back. OOhhh. Gru- gru back!

I’m out of my depth! Oh Sekool Daddy! SekoolI me Daddy - Daddy..

38.

The lights come on in the ship’s model. We can only hear the sailor’s voices.


Ach I’ve an egg on my head. Where’s Doctor Gulliver?

GULLIVER

I’m squeezed between two blades of corn like a field mouse.

The ship sails away. Beat.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Ah-what tiny footprints they left. One, two, three, four ... Ah- ha -this doll’s cup will be my prettiest

treasure. GOZOL! MUMMY! DADDY!

She gets down on all fours and starts to crawl, tracing the tiny footprints with her finger tips. Every time she takes a step there is a bang. We can hear her heavy breathing.

GULLIVER

Oh I should try to end my days!

Glumdalclitch discovers Gulliver’s hiding place and watches him intently.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Ah-ha!

GULLIVER(scared and conf ounded)

Oh my desolate widow.

Gozol, Mistress Brumdalnitch and Farmer Brumdalnitch arrive.

GLUMDALCLITCH(in a low v oice)

Gozol - Daddy -Mummy- it’s a pixie.

GOZOL

They’re real?

GLUMDALCLITCH

Didn’t I always say I believed in fairies?

39.

MISTRESS BRUMDALNITCH

Ugh.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

Shhh. I’m planning how to catch him.

The Farmer puts on his gardening gloves. He gets ready to catch Gulliver.

GULLIVER

If that water mill takes another step I shall be squelched to death. I want to live and have

adventures! Ahhhhhh!

Gulliver produces his puppet before them and screams with all his force.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

Got ya!


Agh!

The farmer picks him up between his thumb and middle finger and holds him up to his face. Glumdalclitch screeches with delight.

GULLIVER

Woh Stop pinching me so grievously!


Brumdal it’s a splacknuck. Yuck!

GULLIVER

My dear kind Sir, I humbly greet you and your little ones. I come in peace. Peace!


Dash its little face on that rock pool. Now!

GLUMDALCLITCH AND GOZOL

No!

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

Sh wife. It’s probably more scared than you are.

40.

GULLIVER

Stop squeezing me Sir.

Gulliver groans, sheds tears, and turns his head towards his sides.

The farmer puts Gulliver on all fours and he and his children hunker down around him.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

Look - it goes on two legs!

GLUMDALCLITCH

He’s so pretty.

GOZOL

You don’t need to be scared now Mummy.

Mrs Brumdalnitch sniffs. The group watch Gulliver walk about with fascination.

GULLIVER

Kind Sir, I humbly present you with my gold sovereign.

Gulliver offers him a gold coin. To the farmer it is the size of a pinhead. He puts his ear to the ground to hear Gulliver.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

What’s that he’s saying?

GLUMDALCLITCH

It’s fairy language.

GULLIVER(the same in Dutch)

Ik bied u mijn gouden medaille.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

I couldn’t buy a grain of barley for that. Maybe you could use it for a sequin Growgrootha?


Maybe..

41.

GOZOL

Give it back to him.

The farmer tries to give the gold to Gozol but then gives it back to Gulliver.

GLUMDALCLITCH

But it’s fairy gold! Come on little man.

She picks up puppet Gulliver.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

In stories, if you find a fairy, that fairy will make you rich.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Only if you promise to be good.

The family leave.

Glumdalclitch picks puppet Gulliver up and starts to sing him a lullaby.

GULLIVER

Woh. Glumdalclitch is my school mistress and has taught me to speak Brobdingnagian and given

me the name of Grildig which in Latin is nanunculus, in Italian bambolino and in English midget.

SCENE 12: THE STREETS OF FLANFLASNIC

Travelling music. Gulliver is in his travelling box.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

Oyez - hear ye - oyez - come one come all to view the Grildig spectacle at The Sign of the Green

Eagle- come and see the tiniest creature in the world - in every part it is an human creature and

yet it is no higher than a splacknuck!

GLUMDALCLITCH

A splacknuck?

GULLIVER(aside f rom his cage)

Their native animal - very finely shaped and about six feet in height.

42.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

Don’t be getting any ideas Glumdalclitch...I’ll be back with lots of customers...

The Farmer exits.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Look Grildig - look at the walled city of Flanflasnic.

GULLIVER

What a great heap of buildings... Flanflasnic’s streets make me think of mountainous gorges.

BEGGAR(to Glumdalclitch)

Can you spare us some change for gruel love? Egh what do you have there?

The beggar peers at Gulliver. He keeps scratching and has no teeth.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Ugh... Holding is thirty jirons, touching is twenty and looking is five.

BEGGAR

Hello.

GULLIVER

Wait Glumdalclitch. He’s so full of interesting diseases.

The beggar sneezes.

GULLIVER (CONT’D)

Ugh. Kind Sir, would it please you if I took a sample of your wart?

BEGGAR

I’ve lots of warts, which one do you want?

GULLIVER

That magnificent one.

Gulliver tries to cut off a sample with his scalpel.

BEGGAR

That’s the mouldy one on the tip of my nose. Agh! You’re a vicious little runt aren’t you?

43.

The beggar takes the travelling box and shakes it and in so doing frightens Gulliver into the hollow of the sheet which will become the giant table.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Daddy!

The farmer puts his arm around his daughter and the travelling box, and in so doing b locks actor Gulliver standing behind him.

SCENE 13: FREAK SHOW AT THE SIGN OF THE GREEN EAGLE

ENSEMBLE(they hav e responded to the f armer’s sales pitch)

Oh ah oh

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

Oyez . Come one come all to see the one hundred and one diverting tricks of Grildig the brave!

The remaining ensemble enter and crowd around the sheet and start pulling the corners.

ENSEMBLE

Oh - ah- oh - etc

GULLIVER

Excellent people of Flanflas nic , I come before you a weary traveller, to educate and perhaps to

amaze you. Sh. Ladies and Gentlemen I will now present you with my hanger...

He takes out his hanger and demonstrates various fencing poses and lunges.

SHEPHERD BOY

Ha-ha.

MISTRESS BUZGLOOPEE

Oh I want to take him home to play with my Zumbalcoo. She’s only two.

GLUMDALCLITCH

He’s my Grildig.

GULLIVER

Excellent people I am also skilled at the ancient art of pike staffery.

44.

MISTRESS BUZGLOOPEE

What’s that?

GULLIVER

Mistress Buzgloopee my hanger will now represent a very very long metal pole to you. Armed with

this I and my fellow pikem en march in close formation, and when we have the enemy at close

quarters, we form a pike block and then slowly s lowly slowly we push Frenchie back into

submission.

Gulliver demonstrates pike staffing techniques. Everyone laughs.

ENSEMBLE

More!

SHEPHERD BOY

What do you do if you’re on the losing side little man?

GULLIVER

Should our push of the pike fail, we take out our hangers and slash our way through the ranks...

MISTRESS BUZGLOOPE

Someone bring the little man a drink!

More laughter. A giant thimble is lowered onto where Gulliver is standing. He smiles.

ENSEMBLE

Drink. Drink. Drink!

GULLIVER

Ah a libation. Why I thank you Flanflasnic! To Flanfasnic!

ENSEMBLE

To Flanflasnic.

GULLIVER

To England

ENSEMBLE

To England. To Brobdingnag.

45.

GULLIVER

To Brobdingnag.

ENSEMBLE

Drink- drink- drink!

As he drinks the ensemble cheer, clap and stamp him on. He sways about.

The ensemble all change places at the table. Mistress Buzgloopee dons a mask to play the Queen of Brobdingnag.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

Oyez - come one come all to the Grildig Show the seventh sold out performance of the day!

Gulliver is weary and resentful.

GULLIVER

My hanger! Very feared by my enemies.

ENSEMBLE

More!

GULLIVER

The ancient art of pike staffery.

ENSEMBLE

More.

GULLIVER

Would someone bring this man a drink?

He drinks and very nearly falls.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

Oyez - come one - come all to the twelfth and nearly sold out Grildig Show of the day! But never fear

if you can’t catch the evilest, vilest, tiniest creature in Brobdingnag today, we’re here at the Sign of

the Green Eagle for another two hundred and two shows!

GULLIVER

My hanger!

46.

Gulliver collapses and the Farmer tries to poke him awake

ENSEMBLE

What a rip off! Boo.

Everyone leaves except for a masked woman and Glumdalclitch.

SCENE 14: THE QUEEN PURCHASES THE GRILDIG

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH(He whistles and calls like he is herding an animal.)

Up with you splacknuck up. Now, or they’ll be asking for a refund! Up Splacknuck up! Up I say! Up!

GLUMDALCLITCH

Daddy...if Grildig does any more Grildig shows,

GLUMDALCLITCH AND GULLIVER

Grildig says he could die.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

It seems that Grildig’s been reduced to a skeleton.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH(starting to count his money )

Show time’s over Mistress.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

It’ll be over when I say it’s over.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

Mistress ... However, if you join my Friends of Grildig scheme you can have an exclusive audience

with Grildig for the gold price of /

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

No-that won’t be appropriate. Besides I’m the Queen of Brobdingnag in disguise! Ta-da! Now what

do you say to that?

Musical flourish, possib le musical underscore from here. She takes out a bank note with her face on it and rips off her disguise.

47.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

Eh. Is that for the platinum membership?

GLUMDALITCH

We are not worthy Your Majesty.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

That’s right on your knees girl.

GULLIVER

My spirits are revived by the Influence of your most August Presence, and I will now beg the honour

of kissing the Imperial foot. Glumdalclitch please.

Puppet Gulliver is lifted to the level of the Queen’s finger tip by Glumdalclitch. He embraces it with both of his arms.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Don’t you have a strong grip Grildig?

The Farmer and the Queen politely laugh.

GULLIVER(aside)

She’s delighted by so much strength in so diminutive an animal.

Musical underscore anticipating the excitement of going to court.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Oh! We should like to purchase you for a fair price.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Him no!

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

Whist! Your Majesty can have the girl and the grildig for a thousand pieces of gold.

Puppet Gulliver and his travelling box are handed over.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Done.

48.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Hooray!

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

I’ll have to send the King of Thailand my white elephant to pay for my Grildig but what of it?

Groogoly Grildig. I’m your Mummy now.

GULLIVER

Groogol Mummy.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Groogol Daddy.

FARMER BRUMDALNITCH

Groogol Little Glum. Next time your mother and I’ll see you, you’ll look like a fairy princess. Don’t

forget to send us your portrait and eh some pocket money eh?

Musical sequence showing their little procession off to court. Glumdalclitch is given her new dress by the Queen. She then brushes the Queen’s hair.

SCENE 15: GULLIVER IS ABDUCTED BY A MONKEY

Gulliver is writing his diary at his desk with a feather quill.

GULLIVER

Today it is Dwindle Dwarf’s turn to amuse Her Majesty, so I’ve decided to stay in my peaceful

travelling box and ponder my travels for the benefit of public and private life.

A loud bouncing and skipping sound is heard.

What’s that? Oh my Jacks and Jakes! It’s the King’s monkey.

The monkey skips around to the other side and rattles the miniature box.Although he is much alarmed Gulliver keeps very still.

If you’re wondering why I don’t call Glumdalclitch, it’s because I don’t want to alert that frolicsome

fiend’s attention.

The monkey spies Gulliver and makes faces, it grins, it claps, it chatters.

MONKEY

Go - gagaa ga aga ga go go...

49.

Gulliver tries to hide in the corner. The monkey goes closer. Gulliver moves again and a cat and mouse game ensues.

GULLIVER(sometimes sarcastic, as goes to dif f erent corners of the box)

What pleasure. What peeping. What chattering. What grinning. What curiosity. Why I even want the

presence of mind to hide myself.

The monkey pulls open the miniature door and pulls puppet Gulliver out.

No - no . Aghhhh! Ouch.

MONKEY

Gu-gu.

The monkey holds him as a nurse might hold a suckling baby and strokes his face. If Gulliver struggles it squeezes him harder. The monkey offers him its breast.

GULLIVER

She’s mistaken me for one of her own species. It may be more prudent to submit.

Gulliver suckles

MONKEY

Goooooo. Goooo.

GULLIVER

Hm. It tastes a bit like coconut milk.

The monkey clamps his head to her breast again. Gulliver suckles again. Glumdalclitch enters and looks inside the travelling box..

GLUMDALCLITCH

Grildig?

GULLIVER(muf f led by the breast)

Glumdalclitch...

GLUMDALCLITCH

Ahhh! Sekool - gru! GRU!

The monkey shrieks with pleasure and takes off on high with him.

50.

GULLIVER

Glumdalclitch! Sekoool!

GLUMDALCLITCH

Sekool! It’s taking him up the drainpipe- Sekool! Sekool! etc

The sound of an alarm being raised. A bell is ringing.

KING OFBROBDINGNAG VOICEOVER

This is a palace emergency. This is a palace emergency. Calling all palace guards to the Queen’s

Quarters. Her Majesty’s midget has been abducted by His Majesty’s monkey.

The sound of uproar and the palace guards mustering.

The Queen enters

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Run for ladders page boys! Gru pages gru!

GLUMDALCLITCH

Gru pages gru. Climb faster please! Gru - gru.

DWARF(running onto the stage, to the audience)

Now I’m the smallest grildig again. Whoopee!

The monkey settles down. Everyone on ground level looks up as they follow the ladders. Laughter.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Are you alright up there Grildig?


Hundreds of the court are looking up at me. I’m famous. I could touch the clouds from this height

Your Majesty. In fact I!

The monkey teasingly plays around with Gulliver like a man about to throw a stick to a dog. The Queen and Glumdalclitch run to all the possib le places they might catch him from.

51.

MONKEY

Gra,gra, gra goo! ....Na,na,nag,nooo,.. Pra,prag,proo..pooh!

ENSEMBLE

Oh...ah...oh etc.(This goes on f or three rounds)

GLUMDALCLITCH

No Monkey No. Sekool! CATCH GRILDIG!

The monkey raises its arm to throw Gulliver down.

Puppet Gulliver is thrown. Actor Gulliver returns to the stage with b lown up cheeks.

GLUMDALCLITCH (CONT’D)

You’re safe.

ENSEMBLE

Hooray!

GULLIVER(still with crammed cheeks)

Thank you for saving me Little Nurse. (jealous that his brav ery could hav e been called into question)

Loud laughter. The Queen takes him to her breast and strokes him.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Ah Come and tell Mummy all about it Grildig.

GULLIVER

I was so frightened I forgot about my hanger, but if I’d thought of it, why when she poked her paw

into my box I’d have given her such a wound.

DWARF.

The Lilliputians looked upon me as the greatest prodigy that ever appeared in the world.

Gulliver falls a vomiting.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Ugh. Somebody take the splacknuck -

52.

The Queen drops him and the dwarf catches him.

DWARF

I’ll give him a bath Your Majesty. Glumdalclitch you’re not allowed in the boys bathroom. (f rom inside the bathroom)

I love bath time. It’s my favourite time of the day.

We hear the sound of flushing water. Gulliver being half drowned and the dwarf laughing. Glumdalclitch stands downstage in agony.

SCENE 16: THE QUEEN’S BODY

DWARF

I found monkey marks on his spotty behind.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Poor Grildig. We must put some salve on them. Glumdalclitch please. There.. there. Mummy’s

finding so many bruises. Can you roll over please? Oh it is such a pleasure to see and to touch you

Grildig.

DWARF.

Oh it’s so tiny.

GULLIVER

Not where I come from.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Grildig you’re still shivering from your bath. Let Mummy warm you up.

She puts the Gulliver puppet to her chest.

DWARF

Imagine you’re back with your monkey mummy and give her a good suck. Ha-ha.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG(to Dwindle Dwarf )

Beware the whip fool!

DWARF(to himself )

I love you.

53.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG(to Gulliv er)

Do something Grildig you’re not a puppet!

DWARF

Inside should be cosier - Your Majesty.

GULLIVER

Oh brother not in there.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Don’t wriggle. And don’t pretend it’s your first time.

Lullaby Grildig ...

The Queen and Dwindle Dwarf sing a lullaby that underscores the ‘breast scene’

GULLIVER(the puppet is inside the brassiere)

Her skin is so vari fied with pores, spots, pimples and freckles, that nothing could appear more

nauseous.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Oh ho ho you’re tickling me.

DWARF

I wish I was small enough to tickle you Your Majesty.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Why?

The Queen and the dwarf laugh knowingly.

GULLIVER

There is a mole as broad as a dinner plate and hairs hanging from it thicker than pack threads. I

wish I could pluck it.

Gulliver can’t resist himself and plucks.

54.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Ouch! You vile little man. And you can take your little toy back to the nursery. No! Make him do

something to serve me first.

DWARF

Isn’t that what Her Majesty paid a thousand jirons for?

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Why don’t you tell me how your father grew him, that would be so much more amusing than his

Lilliput...

DWARF.

Drown him in the bath.

GULLIVER

No brother. I wish to delight their Majesties with my music. After the Royal Banquet tomorrow, the

accomplished Grildig will celebrate his nation on the spinet.

SCENE 17: INTERVIEW WITH THE KING OFBROBDINGNAG

Gulliver plays Rule Britannia on an imagined piano, with great piano cudgels he has carved himself then covered them in mouse skin, whilst the King, Queen, Dwarf and Glumdalclitch look on.

DWARF.

Oh ‘my Jacks and Jakes’ what’s Grildig about to do to that piano?

GULLIVER

Rule Britania! Britannia rule the waves.

Britons never, never, never shall be slaves.

They clap.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

He’s no greater than one of his Lilliputians. Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves..

DWARF.

Britannia rules the waves.

55.

KING OFBROBDINGNAG

My little friend Grildig, having just listened to your most proud five hour presentation upon your great

British institutions, I must conclude that your Natives are the most pernicious race of odious little

vermin that ever crawled upon the surface of the earth.

DWARF

Very bad for the odious little vermin.

GULLIVER

Your Majesty I would like to tell you of a miraculous white powder. If a spark falls into an heap of

this powder, it flies up into the air with a noise and agitation that is greater than thunder. If Your

Majesty were to ram this powder into a hollow metal tube with a lead ball and fire it, why it could

destroy an army at once! It tears houses to pieces, bursts and throws splinters on every side and

dashes out the brains of all who come near it.

KING OFBROBDINGNAG

How can such an impotent and grovelling an insect as you entertain such inhuman ideas?


How prejudiced and narrow minded of the King.

KING OFBROBDINGNAG

Well?

GULLIVER

My gunpowder could make you the absolute master of the lives, liberties and fortunes of your

people.

KING OFBROBDINGNAG

I should rather lose half my kingdom than be privy to such a splacknuckish secret.(to Glumdalclitch)

I’d lock the little weasel up if I were you.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Yes Your Majesty.

KING OFBROBDINGNAG

Wife I’ve had quite enough of your menagerie for the night.

56.

QUEEN OFBROBDINGNAG

Fine. Don’t throw away the key just yet.

KING OFBROBDINGNAG

It is time for the Buzgloopee Ceremony of the Royal Bedchamber.

The King takes the Queen’s arm and leaves, followed by the triumphant dwarf. Glumdalclitch puts Gulliver back in his travelling box.

DWARF.

I’ll look after the key for you Your Majesty. (to the audience)

She loves me!

GLUMDALCLITCH

You’re not going to cry are you Grildig?

SCENE 18: DEPARTURE FROM BROBDINGNAG

Glumdalclitch places Gulliver’s box on the seashore. She puts her lips through the bars to give him a kiss. The ensemble make seashore sounds.

GULLIVER

Mummy all I want is to be allowed out of my travelling-box and to walk about without the fear of

being trampled to death like a frog or a young puppy.

GLUMDALCLITCH(starting to cry )

But I promised Her Majesty I wouldn’t let you out - a seagull or an eagle might mistake Grildig’s wig

for a periwrinkle.

GULLIVER

Is that sentry up on the cliffs there to protect me from eagles?

GLUMDALCLITCH

No Grildig, that’s Her Majesty’s look out. He’s been scanning the sea for a Mrs Grildig for two years.

GULLIVER

Do you know what I’d like to do today Glumdalclitch? I’d like to tile the roof my travelling-box with

shells.

57.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Pretty!

GULLIVER

And I want to help look for shells too!

GLUMDALCLITCH

No Grildig. Her Majesty says Grildig plays inside. We haven’t forgotten how the monkey, the

sparrow, the spaniel, the rat and the cat came to find you out, have we?

GULLIVER

Groogol Little Glum. Ugh.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Groogol and be good for Mummy!

She gives him a big kiss and then jumps over the box and goes off to look for shells. She hums a lullaby.

GLUMDALCLITCH (CONT’D)

Splish - splash - splosh/ Granny’s in the wash/who put her in/my brother Gozol/how will we get her

out? with her old bottle of stout ... splishity, splashity, splosh...

GULLIVER

Oh little Betty...No ship can come and look for your father in Brobdingnag, as only I have discovered

it.

Sound and music. A golden eagle appears and circles the stage. It caws.

GLUMDALCLITCH(looking up and wav ing her arms)

Oh no!

GULLIVER

What’s that?

The eagle screeches at Glumdalclitch and drives her around the stage before Glumdalclitch runs away. It starts to inspect Gulliver’s travelling box. All the sounds of her movements are amplified.

58.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Gru! Grun! Somebody sekool! sekool!

GULLIVER

Agh. Please help me. Somebody sekool! Sekool me! Sekool! Glumdalclitch etc

The eagle violently picks up the box in her teeth and flies up into the sky.

GULLIVER (CONT’D)(looking down)

Groogol Glumdalclitch! Groogol for the last time! Groogol...

Glumdalclitch re-enters and sees the shadow eagle flying off.

GLUMDALCLITCH

Grildiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggggggg!

Glumdalclitch collapses in a crying heap and the lights darken over her.

GULLIVER

Oh my ... so this is what flying must feel like - and I Lemuel Gulliver will be the first man to ever

have achieved it.. Let’s record man’s first ever bird’s eye view.

He tries to stand up but falls down again with the motion. A bang and a buffet. Gulliver tries to remain calm. The eagle caws and violently shakes the travelling box. The sound of whooshing wind increases.

Agh all I can see is a wall of white fog- I must be in the clouds.

He starts to shiver.

Woh! Why they look like the Arctic landscapes of the North West passage I saw as a cabin boy.

GLUMDALCLITCH

The eagle wants to crack his box on a rock, like a tortoise in a shell, and then pick out his body and

eat him up...

A bang, a buffet and a sudden drop. The sound of beating wings increases.

GULLIVER

Oh I feel like a signpost in a windy day!

Two other eagles join the fray. The three eagles start to fight one another.

59.

GLUMDALCLITCH

GRILDIG!

The travelling box’s fall is st

Suddenly the eagle lets go of the box and it drops very fast. Gulliver spins around and around with the window. Blackout

GULLIVER

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Sekooooooooooooooooll!

Gulliver’s box lands in the water with a great splash.

I’m alive! Hurray! Hurrah! Hurray! Sekool! Help! Hilf mir! Mij helpen! Can anybody hear me?

Silence except for the waves.

If I can escape sinking for a day or two, what can I expect but a miserable death of cold and

hunger?

Fish played or puppeteered by the ensemble pass his window by.

Ah-ha- I see parum pisca tor. At least they’re not big enough to eat me. Oh I should of stayed in

Redriff with my Mrs Gulliver, and prescribed people’s pox, people’s pustules and people’s pus. No

one will ever read about poor Glumdalclitch now. And nobody will be educated by my travels.( to a member of the audience)

How long do you think it takes to die? I’m going to try to find out. You’ll tell me when it’s over won’t

you?

He lies down to sleep.

SCENE 19: GULLIVER IS RESCUED FROM BROBDINGNAG BY THE SAILORS

A shadow puppet boat sails onto the stage and discovers a shadow travelling box. A grating sound on the side of the box is heard. The lights flicker on and off.

ENSEMBLE


Ho, yes, ho!



60.

(MORE)

They used to think that pigs could fly

Ho, yes, ho!

I don't believe it, no, not I.


The Ensemble continue to hum A Hundred Years under the dialogue.

CAPTAIN THOMAS WILCOCKS

Men we need to be very careful. There could be a great criminal inside whom some Prince has put

to sea in a leaky vessel... If there be anybody down below let them speak now.

GULLIVER(v ery loudly )

Let me out of this monstrous dungeon!


Hold fast and we will.

Gulliver sniggers and laughs at the size of the sailors.

ENSEMBLE

They thought the moon was made of cheese.


Heave, men/ heave

ENSEMBLE

Heave,

GULLIVER

What tiny creatures my rescuers are.

ENSEMBLE

An hundred years ago.

The scene transforms to an English one.

61.

ENSEMBLE (CONT'D)

SCENE 20: THE RETURN TO MARY AND BETTY

MARY GULLIVER

They thought the stars were set a-light,

ENSEMBLE

Ho, yes, ho!

BETTY GULLIVER

By some good angel every night,

ENSEMBLE


MARY GULLIVER

Lemuel.

GULLIVER

Mary!

MARY GULLIVER

My Lemuel?

Gulliver bends low to Mary’s knees.

GULLIVER

Come here and kiss me lass. Oh - ha ha ha....

MARY GULLIVER

What did they do to you Lemuel?

BETTY GULLIVER

Dearest Father, I’d like to ask your blessing.

Gulliver looks for her sixty foot in the sky.

GULLIVER

Why?

BETTY GULLIVER

I’m down here dearest father.

62.

MARY GULLIVER

Hasn’t Betty grown?

GULLIVER

She’s shrunk. Why have you starved yourselves to nothing?

BETTY GULLIVER

The last any of our families heard of The Swift was three long winters ago.

MARY GULLIVER

We need to talk.

He bends to take Betty and Mary into his hand. He looks them in the eye, as if it could help him keep balance.

GULLIVER

My Lilliputians climb into my hands for a chat. Oh ha ha...here’s our level.

MARY GULLIVER

Stop Lemuel.

GULLIVER

Do you know where your Daddy’s been Betty?

BETTY GULLIVER

Where?

GULLIVER

He’s been to a land of giants. And he’s bought you back a wart from a giant beggar’s nose.

Gulliver offers Betty the wart.

BETTY GULLIVER

Ugh. You are as horrid as Mummy says.

GULLIVER

But I was going to have it set in silver for your birthday.

MARY GULLIVER

Lemuel, please don’t ever put to sea again.

63.

The ensemble hum the tune of An hundred years on the Eastern Shore.

GULLIVER

Let’s talk about that later.

Gulliver and his wife dance.

BETTY GULLIVER AND ENSEMBLE


Ho, yes, ho!



INTERVAL

SCENE 21: MUTINY ONBOARD SHIP - GULLIVER IS PUT ASHORE

Gulliver is now dressed as a captain. He is down in the ship’s hold and his ankle is chained to his bed. One pirate has his pistol trained on Gulliver. The sailors who surround him are half pirate half yahoo.

ENSEMBLE

Fifteen men on whole ship’s list

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

Drink and the devil be done for the rest


PIRATE FIRST MATE

The captain lay with his nob in gore

Where the scullion’s axe his cheek had shore

And the scullion he was stabbed times four

And there they lay, aye, dam my eyes

All lookouts clapped on paradise

JAMES WELCH

All souls just bound contrary wise.

64.

ENSEMBLE

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

JAMES WELCH

Fifteen men of ‘em stiff and stark

ENSEMBLE

Yo ho-ho and a bottle of rum.

PIRATE FIRST MATE

Ten of the crew had a murder mark

ENSEMBLE

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum.

GULLIVER

Dearest Mary and Betty,

I hope and pray that life is still prosperous and sweet for you at Redriff. I should have learned the

lesson of knowing when I was well, instead I choose to become Captain of The Adventure.

I have terrible news. The good men you met onboard at Portsmouth all died of calentures and the

new crew I was forced to take on at Barbados have now turned my men pirate against me.

ENSEMBLE

Fifteen men of ‘em stiff and stark


Ten of the crew had the murder mark,


JAMES WELCH

Lemuel Gulliver, our Captain has decided to rid himself of you.

GULLIVER

I am your Captain Welch.

Welch casually hits Gulliver.

65.

JAMES WELCH

Now you know who your Captain be.

Gulliver spits.

PIRATE FIRST MATE

You’re going to be set ashore at the first strip of sand we discover.

JAMES WELCH

A colonis ing a coward like you, would want to impress the natives with his golden grandeur.

PIRATE FIRST MATE

Get dressed Gulliver.

He hands Gulliver his captain’s uniform and Gulliver starts to dress.

GULLIVER

Kindly let me have a pocket pistol to fire over their heads.

JAMES WELCH

No. I believe in fair play.

PIRATES

Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest


Drink and the devil be done for the rest

Yo ho and a bottle of rum!

SCENE 22 ARRIVAL IN HOUYHNHNM’S LAND

The yahoos are in the fields. As Gulliver walks downstage with a necklace in his hand they shyly sneak up and surround him. Some of them mimic him.

Sounds of meadows adjoining the seashore.

GULLIVER

Now what to do? There are long rows of trees, fields of grass and a great field of oats over there.

But where are the natives? And where are their arrows? I’m so hungry I could give myself up to the

first savages I meet! I’m planing to buy my life from them with this trinket Betty made. Agh!

66.

He shows the audience a brightly coloured glass necklace. Teenage yahoo leaps for it and runs off. She puts it on.

TEENAGE YAHOO

Yahoo.

ALL YAHOOS.

Yahoo! Yahoo! Yahoo!

GULLIVER

Stop! Give that back. That’s made for trading, not stealing. Look at her - why she’s almost human.

Look at her dugs! Look! The deformed animal.

The remaining yahoos are fascinated by him and yobo yahoo advances directly. Gulliver brandishes his hanger and retreats under a tree. Yobo screws up his face so that it distorts in several directions and raises his forepaw, it is not clear if he wants to fight or if he is curious. The other yahoos cheer him on. He scratches his armpits.

What do you want? Ugh you stink like an unemptied bed pan.

YOBO YAHOO.(he display s himself )

Yabadababdoo!

ALL YAHOOS.

Yabadabayoo.

Gulliver smites the yahoo with the flat of his b lade. Yobo howls and all the yahoos come running. Heavy metal music. They pin him down with wild cries. They form a line and defecate together and then pelt and smear him with it. One of them gets his hanger and mockingly dances with it. Others stuff his mouth with shit or with vomit. There are a series of charges led by Yobo. Every time a shit hits Gulliver the yahoos cheer.

Help! Glumdalclitch sekool! Mij helpen! Menu de ajuda! Hilf mir! Mary I love you- Mary - Mummy-

Mary I love you - what a way to die. The cowards! You cowards!

Gulliver tries to make a run for it and picks up a shit and hurls it back at yobo.

YOBO YAHOO.

Galagala Gabooo!

67.

Yobo catches the shit and pelts him in the face with it. One takes his wig from his head, whilst another takes the hat and they dance around him with it. Female is now wearing the necklace. Sorrel Nag appears at a distance.

GULLIVER

Stop! Please stop! You can have all my bracelets, all my rings and all my other trinkets and toys if

you’d just stop. Sekool me now Glumdalclitch !

Gulliver is sobb ing and the yahoos are laughing at his defeat. Sorrel Nag rears up.

SORREL NAG

Neigh- heigh-heigh-heigh!

The yahoos screech and scramble. The hat and the wig are dropped. Some yahoos hide and some go to transition into horses. The hiding yahoos seethe in the bushes. Gulliver picks up his wig and Captain’s hat. Sorrel Nag stares at him. There is a moment of stillness.

Gwa illa yahoo? Gwa iila oo?

GULLIVER

I wish I’d a Brobdingnagian apple to say thank you with.

He whistles and attempts to pat her neck and she shakes her head, bends her brows and removes his hand with her hoof. She starts to circle him.

SORREL NAG

Hohaho. Hhum yahoo.

GULLIVER

Easy now. Easy ...Sh..

SORREL NAG

Hohaho. Hnuy illa.

GULLIVER

Easy now ... easy ... I know I stink like a sewer but, my gift with horses is well known...

SORREL NAG

Hhum yahoo hhum.

Master Grey enters the scene. He carries a collar and chain for catching yahoos.

68.

MASTER GREY

Hee Yahoo! Hee.

Both horses are astonished when Gulliver doesn’t obey.

Yahoo. Huhum maiah sorrel. Huhum

SORREL NAG

Huhum.

Master Grey canters to confer in neighs with Sorrel Nag. They greet one another by ritually pressing their hooves together. The words yahoo and houyhnhnm are frequently used which Gulliver starts to repeat to himself, whenever it is used. They look at him often.

GULLIVER

Ponder my travels- they’re quite fascinated by me! yahoo ... houyhnhnm... it seems that these

horses are conversing with one another, and if so their subject is me.. yahoo ......yahoo...yahoo.

FEMALE YAHOO.

Yahoo!

GULLIVER

Ugh!

A hiding yahoo pelts Gulliver with one more shit. The yahoo is reprimanded by Master Grey.

MASTER GREY

Sleigh yahoo sleigh.

Gulliver wipes some more shit away. The horses go back to their conversation.

GULLIVER

Ugh! I am amazed by these brutish beasts.

He wipes more shit away using his shaving mirror.

Houyhnhnm! Gentlemen, if you be shape shifting magicians, you can understand any language,

therefore I beg one of you to let me ride upon him, as if he were a real horse, and to bring me to the

nearest human dwelling.

69.

MASTER GREY

Neigh yahoo. Neigh!

Gulliver tries to mount Sorrel Nag’s back and is knocked out by Master Grey. Momentary b lack out. The neighs and cantering of horses.

SCENE 23: WAITING FOR THE WIZARD

Sorrel Nag washes and cleans Gulliver. When Gulliver wakes up he is bandaged and alone on a straw mat. Only he is lit on stage but there are horses in the shadows, possib ly undertaking domestic tasks such as laundry or sewing.

GULLIVER(He rubs his head)

No - I don’t know how long I’ve been here.

SORREL NAG

Neigh - heigh- brayye.

FOALS(shrill)

Neigh-heigh-houy-houy-pepe.

GULLIVER

I’m waiting for the human reply.

He lays out his trinkets and toys - three b racelets of false pearl, a small looking glass and a two knives.

MASTER GREY

Beheigh yahoo beigh.

The sound of horses cantering across open ground. Neighing conversation.

GULLIVER

Is everything their illusion? I see a clay floor, a wattled wall, a thatched roof, and a great manger.

Do you? I thought I saw a comely mare threading her needle with her hoof?!? Did you?

He rubs his eyes. He pinches himself. He becomes frantic.

I don’t want another adventure. i want to go home. I want to wake up. Wake me Mary. Please wake

me. Mary!

70.

SCENE 24: GULLIVER IS EXAMINED BY THE HOUYHNHNMS

Chief Houyhnhnm, Master Grey and Sorrel Nag all enter the playing area. Together they rear and stamp their feet on the earth with a clatter.

MASTER GREY

Cease yahoo.

ALL HOUYHNHNMS

Cease.

There is a greeting ritual where the Chief offers Gulliver his hoof, Gulliver shakes it, instead of pressing it as a Houyhnhnhm would.

GULLIVER

Yahoo.

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN

Yes you’re a yahoo, but what classification or breed are you? Have you grown up from the slime?

The mountain? Or the mud?

SORREL NAG

In Yahoo!

Female Yahoo enters chained

GULLIVER

Great magicians, I can’t understand a single neigh. Neigh.

FEMALE YAHOO

Neigh.

GULLIVER(to Female Yahoo with hatred)

Neigh.

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN

We have never encountered a yahoo that can speak before, though you don’t speak houyhnhnm do

you? Hhum yahoo.

Female Yahoo presses her hand to Gulliver’s hand. Gulliver can’t bear the stink and tries to pull away.

71.

GULLIVER

Yuck.

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN

Stay Yahoo.

ALL HOUYHNHNMS

Stay ...stay...stay.

The horses pound the earth. Gulliver is compared to Female Yahoo, particular attention is paid to Gulliver’s exposed skin, hands, hair and hat.

MASTER GREY

Its skin is smooth and white, but it is still the skin of a yahoo my Mare.

SORREL NAG

It has a blue and gold skin my Stallion. Is this the thing which is not?

MASTER GREY

No. It has the face and figure of a yahoo.

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN

It must be some kind of yahoo prodigy.

GULLIVER

Yahoo prodigy.

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN

Is such intelligence possible from so brutish a creature? Maybe the parrot is trying to speak

Houyhnhnm.

GULLIVER

Houyhnhnm!

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN(indicating himself )

Yes Houyhnhnm. We are houyhnhnms.

ALL HOUYHNHNMS

Houyhnhnms.

72.

GULLIVER

Houyhnhnm. My gift for languages was ever thus. (he thinks y ahoo could be a greeting)

Yahoo Houyhnhnm.

MASTER GREY(contemptuously pointing to Gulliv er)

Yahoo.

FEMALE YAHOO.As if greeting him

Yahoo.

ALL HOUYHNHNMS AND YOBO(pointing to Gulliv er)

Yahoo.

GULLIVER

Yahoo...

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN

I am a yahoo.

He motions that Gulliver should repeat the phrase.

GULLIVER

I am a yahoo. I am a yahoo. If I am a yahoo I must study to be a Houyhnhnm...

All the horses agree.(to the audience)

We all are yahoos.

SORREL NAG

And we are all Houyhnhnms.

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN

Brr. It is time to munch and mull in our meadows.

The remaining free horses graze their meadows and run happily around the stage for a few beats.

Tranquil, happy music or sound scape.

73.

SCENE 25: THE HOUYHNHNM DINNER

Gulliver enters dressed in a b izarre mixture of furs, yahoo skins and his Captain’s uniform. He trots around like a horse and tries to mimic the movements of the Houyhnhnm.

GULLIVER

Thirty seven moons have now passed and I have been named ‘Wonderful Yahoo’ and so I live in

the kennel closest to the house. The virtues of the excellent quadrupeds, and my own similarity to

my yahoo brother, have convinced me of my thousand faults, which would not even pass for human

weaknesses amongst you lot. This time I have not a word to offer in our species’ defence. Instead I

contemplate and practice every Houyhnhnm virtue; and eat only milk, oats and herbs as they do.

When my Master Grey has company, he allows me to wait at the dining stable.. I’m infinitely

delighted with my station of humble auditor, as nothing passes here but what is useful. My

Masters.

Gulliver bows. The ensemble create the scene of a Houyhnhnm dinner party centre stage. They sit around the mangers, Master Grey and Sorrel Nag sit as a couple. Gulliver moves to his dog’s position in the corner. The ensemble improvise a weighty discussion in Houyhnhnm. It is possib le that a yahoo attends them.

I never presume to speak, because I would lose much time for self-improvement

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN

Our subjects are generally on friendship, virtue and charity

SORREL NAG

the visible operations of Nature

MASTER GREY

the unerring rules of Reason

PROSECUTINGHOUYHNHNM

And most often upon what is excellent in poetry.

ENSEMBLE

Now we all praise Sorrel Nag

Fourteen times champion

Of our Solstice Festahag

74.

(MORE)

Strong, agile, sweaty and fleet

Sorrel Nag knows no defeat.

GULLIVER

I am proud to listen to the Houyhnhnm sing, and would like to one day dictate what is sung and

said here to the wisest assemblies in Europe. (Directly to the audience, whilst giv ing f ocus to the horses)

We - we venerate them. Your Honours?

The horses dismiss his worship and gallop away. Gulliver is left alone until Sorrell Nag calls him from behind a hill.

SCENE 26: NATURE TRAIL THROUGH YAHOO TERRITORY

The lighting denotes an open grassy space.

Sounds of the primal yahoo outdoors. All the yahoos howl.

Yobo yahoo is happily sucking on a juicy root and singing.

SORREL NAG

Wonderful Yahoo, today’s salutary lesson is on the effects of the juicy root. Yahoos love to dig for

this rare root, for it produces much the same symptoms as you report wine once did upon you....

GULLIVER

I never sucked such a root Your Honour.

SORREL NAG

Watch how it howls,grins, chatters, reels and tumbles.

Yobo suddenly want to hug Gulliver. The other yahoos copy Gulliver’s discomfort with glee. An explosion of yahoo energy. A yahoo pulls at Gulliver’s clothing and Sorrel Nag gives it a kick. Gulliver hides behind Sorrel Nag.

GULLIVER

Agh. Jabber jabber jabber.

SORREL NAG

Heigh heigh. To the mud with you. Heigh heigh heigh.

75.

ENSEMBLE (CONT'D)

GULLIVER

Jabber jabber jabber.

SORREL NAG

Your nature is as cowardly as theirs is!

GULLIVER

That one must be the ruling yahoo Your Honour - as he is the most cunning, malicious and

deformed.

SORREL NAG(condescendingly )

How logical you are.

GULLIVER

Your Honour, thank you for distinguishing me from the rest of my species. Oh the black is the

leader’s favourite. Oh yes oh yes he is ... oh he likes the taste of baked mud in the morning doesn’t

he?...

The favourite licks the leader’s buttocks and toes.

All the other yahoos must hate him, and that‘s why he stays so close to their leader. He’s afraid of

their excrement!

Female suddenly gazes on the two males.

SORREL NAG

Do you miss your she-yahoo?

GULLIVER

I never want to look upon Mrs Gulliver again... My she only has matted hair on her pudenda. Ugh

The female shows the male her bottom and farts sweetly.

The males follow her and she often looks back, with a counterfeit show of fear.

SORREL NAG

Inhale it...Isn’t it an education?...

GULLIVER

Ah she knew he would follow her.

76.

SORREL NAG

But you’re following her too.

The males growl at Gulliver.

GULLIVER

Your Honour I’m not.

SORREL NAG(turning Gulliv er so that he no longer f aces the y ahoos)

Then show me some decency.

Sorrel exits. Yobo gives the juicy root to the favourite and thus wins the female. The couple b ite each other and smell one another’s bottoms, then disappear. The favourite falls asleep in the mud. The female has left her baby behind.

GULLIVER

I’m going to try to get closer to her convienient hole. Shh. Shh. Where’s your Papa then? Shh.

The baby starts to scratch. Gulliver wishes to placate it. He offers it his shaving mirror.

Cudgey cu- aren’t you the pretty cub then? How developed is your cranial lobe? Sh be a good cub

shh. Hm Now I’m going to feel your tummy. Yes its abdominal structure is human ... but there is no

light of human intelligence in your eyes. Now this might tickle a bit...

The baby wakes and hollers. The favourite awakes.

Sod it! You odious vermin. Sh sh.

The baby vomits all over him and itself. Gulliver notices that the favourite is preparing to throw shit at him. His response is throw the screaming baby at him.

SCENE 27: GULLIVER WASHES IN THE RIVER.

Gulliver goes to the river and starts to undress. Two yahoos now operate the b lue sheet and the female hides in the rock.

GULLIVER

Neigh-heigh-heigh. Hhum Houyhnhm. It doesn’t seem that there are any houyhnhnm nearby -

Hhum Houyhnhm- if there were I’d have to keep my vomit soaked disguise on.

77.

He strips down to his fur loin cloth and dives into the water. The female is overcome with desire and stands some way off on the side of the bank. She tries to take off her skin too.

How I hate and detest my yahoo reflection ... Oh no! ... She’s harmless enough. Don’t play with my

clothes girl.

He keeps scrubbing himself and she mimics his movements. He cleans his waistcoat in the water.

I’m quite safe because you yahoos don’t like washing or water. Yes yahoo. Now I’m going to count

to ninety-nine.

He ducks under the water. After a few seconds, the female takes a running jump and embraces him in a ‘fulsome’ manner. He tries to fight her off and she tries to grab him. This carry on endures for some time, at one point Gulliver emerges with her on his shoulders. The sound and lights change to match when they are under or over the water.

Help! Stop! Talk amongst yourselves. Leave go of me! etc.

Sorrel Nag gallops over. She watches what is happening and can’t believe what he sees. She noses through the clothes Gulliver has left beside the river.

Stop watching us and do something Your Honour please!

SORREL NAG

Drop him. Drop him at once!

The female whimpers and relinquishes her hold. She leaps onto the far bank where she stands gazing and howling.

You can get out too.

The two yahoos who were puppetering the river leave to return as horses.

And what pray is that?

Gulliver has his hands over his groin.

GULLIVER

My John Thomas Your Honour.

SORREL NAG

And these?

Sorrel Nag indicates his clothes.

78.

GULLIVER

Your Honour I need them to keep warm and to cover my shame... I’m getting cold - I’ll need to put

my skin on.

Gulliver is shivering and starts to dress. Each time he puts on a new item of clothing the yahoo howls again. She loves to show Gulliver her bottom. The other two horses give focus from a distance.

SORREL NAG

You are doing the thing which is not. No animal can have two skins, two furs or two hides. Without

these Wonderful Yahoo you are just like her. The sight of your soft white organs has inflamed her

desire. Look how she howls for you, as for one of her own species. Indeed my reason tells me that

you were encouraging her.

GULLIVER

Your Honour, it was her that wanted me.

SORREL NAG

And you that wanted her. If she’d the gift of speech she’d tell me herself. Every animal needs its

mate.

Gulliver is shivering.

GULLIVER

Please forgive me for the poor sinner that I am Your Honour.

SORREL NAG

You smell of yahoo. You are an exact yahoo in every part. / I do not understand the thing which is

not. My reason requests an Extraordinary Assembly.

Sorrel Nag neighs on her hind legs. The other horses come galloping into a well defined semi-circle and stamp their hooves.

SCENE 28: THE HOUYHNHNM ASSEMBLY

ALL HOUYHNHNMS

/He said the thing which is not... He did the thing which is not...He made up the thing which is not.

He believes the thing which is not.

79.

This sound crescendos like a nightmare. The staging is expressionistic and subjective to Gulliver’s perspective. The chief ends the crescendo by pounding his hoof like a gavel.

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN

Houyhnhm Brethern. We are gathered here to decide what is to be done with a yahoo with

glimmerings of reason.


Sorrel Nag how does he pretend to be the thing which he is not?

He bangs his hoof.

SORREL NAG

He wears a second skin, under which he is anatomically the same as any other yahoo.

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN

If Wonderful Yahoo was repentant, he would appear naked before us.

GULLIVER

But

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN

Silence yahoo.


Master Grey it is not conducive to Reason for a stallion to converse with a yahoo dog, or for his

mare to take pleasure from their yahoo picnics together.

ALL HOUYHNHNMS

Hear hear. Brr. Brr.

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN

Houyhnhnm brethern, this yahoo might seduce his brother yahoos up into our peaceful mountains,

and then destroy our Houyhnhnm cattle.

ALL HOUYHNHNMS

True, true.

80.

CHIEFHOUYHNHMN

Therefore Wonderful Yahoo, this Assembly exhorts you to swim back to the place from whence you

came.

GULLIVER

I cannot disobey Reason. The thing that is, is that I am a yahoo. That I am guilty of.

ALL HOUYHNHNMS

True.. True...

GULLIVER

I shall build my boat and go.

ALL HOUYHNHNMS

Guilty Yahoo - Yahoo Guilty- Guilty Yahoo! Yahoo guilty.

The lighting becomes nightmarish. The horses crowd about Gulliver. They rear and stamp with great animal energy. Gulliver swoons.

SCENE 29: DEPARTURE FROM HOUYNHNHM COUNTRY

A beach on a fine breezy morning.

Gulliver is swooned in front of Sorrel Nag and Master Grey. He has never felt so much grief or despair before.

GULLIVER

Your Honours, there could be no greater happiness than to die at your hooves.

MASTER GREY

Heigh- the tide has reached the appointed place.

Gulliver rises to pull his boat of yahoo skins on stage.

GULLIVER(hopef ully )

Maybe my boat will sink?

SORREL NAG

Yahoo skin is strong, and yahoo tallow watertight.

Gulliver prostrates himself before the horses.

81.

GULLIVER

Your Honours I love you and your family, more than I could ever love my own.

Gulliver kisses Master Grey’s hoof but remains locked therein. A pause.

MASTER GREY

Is he dead?

Master Grey raises Gulliver’s chin with his hoof. Gulliver k isses it fervently.

GULLIVER

Oh that so illustrious a person should pay such a mark of distinction to so inferior creature as I.

Gulliver stands and gets into his boat and sets sail.

Music. Lonely sea b lue lighting.

The Houyhnhnm watch him till he is out of sight.

SORREL NAG

Take care of thyself gentle yahoo.

GULLIVER

Hny illa nyha maiah Houyhnhnm... She always loved me.

ENSEMBLE(f rom af ar)

Hny illa nyha maiah Houyhnhnm.

SCENE 3O: THE PORTUGESE SAILORS RESCUE GULLIVER

Gulliver is all alone at sea.

Light and sound scape to denote the passing of time.

DON PEDRO

The story you have told me is a dream or a vision.

GULLIVER

Captain is it the custom in Portugal to say the thing which is not?

82.

DON PEDRO

Captain the Inquisition would burn you and your story in the plaza.

GULLIVER

Yahoo catholics love a martyr.

DON PEDRO

Your wife doesn’t want a silver relic she wants a husband!

GULLIVER

Please, let me row away to some desolate island.

DON PEDRO(touching Gulliv er)

Captain Gulliver I see it as a point of honour to return you to your wife Mary and your children.

GULLIVER

It is a wonder to find such kindness in a yahoo.

SCENE 31: THE FINAL RETURN TO ENGLAND

The Gulliver family pull open his boat like a present and spin it around. Mary takes him in her arms and kisses him. Gulliver cries out

MARY GULLIVER

Lemuel we thought you were dead!

BETTY GULLIVER

Papa you’re home from the South Seas!

MARY GULLIVER

Look at Betty - she’s all grown up now and so handy with her needle. I’d like to introduce you to our

son - we called him Lemuel for you.

LEMUEL GULLIVER

Good Afternoon Papa. Are you surprised to meet me?

He tries to kiss Gulliver’s cheek, Gulliver shudders away.

83.


By lying with a she-yahoo, I have become the parent of more.

MARY GULLIVER

Lemuel?

LEMUEL GULLIVER

Tell us about the South Sea Indians Papa.


I am repulsed by my reflection in his face.

BETTY GULLIVER

Did you meet any giants or Lilliputians this time?

GULLIVER

You smell like odious animals to me.

MARY GULLIVER

They were just playing in the stables Lemuel. Would you believe that Queen Anne now keeps one

of your Lilliputian pigs as a pet? Don’t you want to greet us Lemuel?

GULLIVER

Neigh. Hhum Houyhnhnm.

Gulliver rears up like and emits an emergency neigh. Soundscape of thundering hooves.

SCENE 32: EPILOGUE IN THE STABLE

These horses are peaceful, passive and broken in and are played in the costume of the Gulliver children with horse’s masks.

GULLIVER

I wish I could digest raw oats too...I like talking to you Gentle Masters. Thank you for suffering me to

live in your stable with you.

Mary enters with a bowl of porridge. Gulliver won’t interact with her.

84.

MARY GULLIVER

Are you feeling better today dear Lemuel? ... I put home made jam in your porridge.

GULLIVER

Your Honours I have something to confess. I know that I will revert to my yahoo nature if I speak to

my family, but last Sunday was the fifth anniversary of my homecoming. I allowed Mary to sit at

stable with me. Yet I found the scent of a she-yahoo so offensive, that I stopped my nose with rue

and lavender - like so. Did I do wrong my Noble Masters?

What do you have to neigh Houyhnhnm? Hhum Houyhnhm ... yahoo... Houyhnhnm. Please neigh

something - neigh anything! My young stone-horses, Grildig needs your judgement, your guidance

and your instructions. Hhum Houyhnhnm hhum , come Houyhnhnm come, hhum Houyhnhnm

hhum!

Mary leads Gulliver out of the stable. The horses exchange a knowing look with one another and go back to their munching.

85.

Glossary

Dingnag - people in Brobdingnag

Hhum - come on in Houyhhnm

Hilf mir! Help in German

Mala - little in Brobdingnag

Menu de ajuda! help me in Portugese.

Mij helpen - help me in Dutch

Neigh - no in Houyhnhnm

Groogol - goodbye in Brobdingnag

Gru - come on in Brobdingnag

Gru - sho - go away in Brobdingnag

parum piscator - little fishes in Latin.

Sekool- help in Brobdingnag

Sleigh - stop in Houyhnhnm

86.

gullivers travels play script draft four

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