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Journal of Loss and Trauma, 19:462–473, 2014Copyright © Taylor & Francis Group, LLCISSN: 1532-5024 print/1532-5032 onlineDOI: 10.1080/15325024.2013.801306

Grief in Comparison: Use of Social Comparison Among Cold Case

Homicide Survivors

ASHLEY P. WELLMAN Department of Criminal Justice, University of Central Missouri,

Warrensburg, Missouri, USA

The current qualitative study examines the use of social compari-son among cold case homicide survivors as a method of defining their grief. Twenty-four cold case homicide survivors completed in-depth interviews about the trauma of living with an unsolved homicide. Survivors compared themselves to individuals coping with non-homicidal deaths and fellow homicide survivors. Results indicate survivors of unsolved homicides utilize downward eleva-tion, lateral comparison, and upward contacts in their journey of grief and coping. The direction and type of comparison can have both positive and negative effects on the survivors’ views of self and progress made towards emotional recovery. Implications are discussed.

KEYWORDS grief, homicide, survivor, trauma, socialization

Nearly all persons experience the death of a loved one in their lifetime. Yet people regard some deaths as worse than others (Sunstein, 1997) based on factors such as age of the deceased, level of suffering, level of third-party responsibility, social disadvantage, and involvement in a catastrophic event. How do the survivors of a deceased individual make sense of their loved one’s death? Many survivors will use social comparison (Festinger, 1954) to assess their situation relative to others who have also experienced death. For cold case homicide survivors, social comparison may be utilized to provide personal understanding and explanation for their grief when law

Received 14 February 2013; accepted 29 April 2013 Address correspondence to Ashley P. Wellman, Department of Criminal Justice, University

of Central Missouri, Humphreys Building 300, Warrensburg, MO 64093. E-mail: awellman@ucmo.edu

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Cold Case Homicide Survivors 463

enforcement and the criminal justice system offer no resolution or answers in their loved one’s case.

LITERATURE REVIEW

While no universal definition of a cold case exists, many scholars agree that three elements contribute to the decision to officially declare an “uncleared” homicide as cold: The original detective has been reassigned or is no longer working the case; there are no promising leads or new sources of informa-tion; and the case is at least 1 year old and has had no activity for a year (Walton, 2006). As clearance rates decrease, the risk that a homicide will go cold increases, creating an influx of cold case homicide survivors.

Bard and Sangrey (1979) were the first scholars to recognize that the living survivors of a homicide victim may also suffer from victimization. Research indicates survivors often suffer from emotional and psychological distress, intrusive thoughts and emotions, lack of trust (Armour, 2002), and hypervigilance (Rynearson, 1995). Many struggle with physical repercussions including disturbance of sleep patterns, loss or gain of weight, headaches, and increased shock reactions (Armour, 2002). Often there are alterations in belief systems, social stigma, insufficient experience with law enforcement, and lack of social support (Armour, 2002). A small collection of qualitative pieces on traditional homicide survivors have offered particularly significant insights (Armour, 2002; Armour & Umbriet, 2006; King, 2004; Malone, 2007), examining how survivors of a solved homicide must learn to reprioritize, make meaning, and move forward after their loved one’s murder. However, research has neglected to address how survivors reorganize their lives after a murder when a perpetrator has not been apprehended and justice has not been achieved.

The current article explores the extent and nature of social comparisons made by cold case homicide survivors as a mechanism for defining and making sense of their traumatic circumstances. Festinger introduced social comparison theory in a classic article (1954) explaining the natural reaction of comparing one’s own features with those of others. Since Festinger’s original proposition, the theory has expanded to include multiple directions for comparison. Individuals may compare themselves to others who they perceive are doing better (upward comparison), reacting in a similar fashion (lateral comparison), or coping worse (downward comparison) (Hakmiller, 1966).

Central to Festinger’s original theory was the idea that people seek to compare themselves to elite individuals, later termed upward comparison. Buunk, VanYperen, Taylor, and Collins (1991) conducted two studies to mea-sure marital satisfaction and the use of upward affiliation (associating with individuals perceived as being in a better situation). Results indicated that women with high marital dissatisfaction preferred contact with women with

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464 A. P. Wellman

higher levels of satisfaction. Similar upward comparison has been found among cancer patients (Molleman, Pruyn, & Van Knippenberg, 1986) and dis-abled individuals (Buunk, 1995; Ybema & Buunk, 1995). Upward comparisons have been shown to allow individuals to develop hope, inspiration, and useful information/coping tactics through understanding individuals who are “better off” (Montada, Filipp, & Lerner, 1992) but have the potential to be detrimental to those who focus on the negative perspective that they are not performing as well as others (Buunk, Collins, Raylor, VanYperen, & Dakof, 1990).

Lateral comparisons can be made to establish similarities with others. A lateral view of others’ situations can be used to mitigate the severity of the situation and normalize experiences (Morrell et al., 2011). When seeking to establish such parallels, it is common for people to either underestimate or overestimate similarities (Buunk, 1995). However, if the similarities can be accurately identified, lateral comparisons can lead to a decreased feeling of loneliness and a greater sense of belonging.

Scholars have argued that people use downward comparison to com-pare themselves with those who are worse off in an effort to enhance their own well-being (Finlay, Dinos, & Lyons, 2001; Taylor, Wood, & Lichtman, 1983). Many note that when individuals view their situation as less dire than others, they experience an instant improvement in mood (Aspinwall & Taylor, 1993) that can have long-term positive effects on self-regulation and personal growth (Bandura & Jourden, 1991). While positive effects will exist for individuals who use downward comparisons to feel better about them-selves, these comparisons can also pose risks for people who view others being worse off as a sign that they too can digress (Buunk et al., 1990).

METHODS

Given the limited research on the traumatic experiences of cold case homi-cide survivors, this study assesses how these victims compare their own experience with trauma to the experiences of others and how these percep-tions impact their grieving process. As such, this study may provide insight into the complicated healing process cold case homicide survivors face in the aftermath of an unsolved murder. The direction in which cold case homi-cide survivors compare their grief (upward, downward, or laterally) will provide guidance for practitioners attempting to aid this specific, unique group of bereaved persons.

Participants were recruited from local law enforcement files, local media records, and area homicide bereavement groups. Consistent with Amick-McMullan, Kilpatrick, and Resnick (1991), the current study was limited to immediate family members including parents, children, spouses, siblings, grandparents, and grandchildren of homicide victims. To qualify, the homi-cide case had to be at least 1 year old with no promising leads or investigative

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Cold Case Homicide Survivors 465

movement. Case facts and cold case classifications were confirmed through law enforcement personnel. In total, 24 cold case homicide survivors from 15 families formed a snowball sample. The group included six males and 18 females; 16 participants were Caucasians and eight were African Americans. The average time since their loved ones’ unsolved murder was 12 years, with a range of 2–44 years. Following each participant statement, participants’ pseudonym, relationship to the victim, age, race (White [W] or Black [B]), and years since the homicide are listed in parentheses to provide context to the statement.

The researcher conducted individual, in-depth interviews with each sur-vivor. The interviews ranged from 2.5 to 4 hours and followed an IRB-approved questionnaire. Audiotaped for accuracy, the interviews were tran-scribed immediately following each session. After signing a consent form, survivors were asked to tell their personal story from the moment of homicide notification to the present. In a conversational format, specific questions were asked to allow survivors to discuss elements of their experience in more detail (e.g., experience with law enforcement, coping mechanisms). The interview questionnaire did not include any specific questions about social comparison, although survivors were asked how the unsolved homicide affected their relationships with others. Instead, the results of the current study were extracted from unsolicited comments and descriptions of social comparisons made by the survivors themselves. While all survivors made reference to social comparison, I attempted to select the most powerful state-ments for inclusion. The quotes included are verbatim comments from inter-view transcriptions and have not been altered in regard to grammar or dialect. Consistent with Finlay and Lyons (2000), details are included on lateral, upward, and downward comparisons with both non-homicide survivors (out-group persons) and fellow homicide survivors (in-group persons).

RESULTS

Non-homicide Comparisons

The cold case homicide survivors consistently noted great frustration with individuals attempting to identify with or draw parallels to their personal journey. Offers of condolences that included statements such as “I under-stand,” “I know how you feel,” or “We have all been there” generated feelings of anger and bewilderment, as survivors expressed there was no possible way for other persons to understand if they had not personally experienced the murder of their loved one.

You can’t possibly know how I feel. Until you walk to the walk, you don’t know how I feel. Don’t say that. These shoes … you do not want to walk in these shoes. (Gabrielle, wife, 38, B, 2 years)

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466 A. P. Wellman

Other people, when they say “I know how you feel” … no you don’t. (Kayla, sister, 28, B, 2 years)

While recalling their own account of their life after homicide, survivors con-sciously separated their experiences from the experiences of others who were grieving the death of a loved one from other means. The majority of non-group comparisons were directed toward individuals coping with natu-ral death.

When someone is sick, you get ready for it … you have a warning. (Elliot, brother, 31, B, 2 years)

It is different when they have been in the hospital, and you know that now they are at peace. (Gabrielle, wife, 38, B, 2 years)

It’s different from having just [lost] someone. It’s not the same [in regard to friend’s mother who died of natural causes]. Well, she wasn’t hurt. She died in her sleep. But my grandmother was hurt. She was and there is a lot more psychologically that goes with that. (Sophie, granddaughter, 35, W, 15 years)

My son got killed. That’s the closest person to me. My mother had passed, but my son, my son, he’s supposed to outlive me. A natural death … totally different. He was taken from me, violently taken, shot in the head. (Harrison, father, 61, B, 2 years)

Losing a child under these circumstances is different than just losing a child. A number of them [her friends] have also lost their daughters. They’re my age and they have lost their daughters to breast cancer. But they have had—their daughters were married. See, how I feel is that Heather was 21. She never really had a life, you know? She was just starting. She was never married, if she had decided to be married. She never had children. She never had any life. (Emily, mother, 72, W, 17 years)

In addition to contrasting their own experience with natural death, some survivors noted that their loved one’s death was worse than someone who had died as a result of an accident. While both homicides and accidents are unexpected deaths, the survivors indicated that there was a vast differ-ence between the two types of deaths.

And I knew people get into accidents. There is no guarantee of life. But, um, murder was a different thing. (Michelle, mother, 50, B, 12 years)

She wasn’t in a car accident, I mean, that’s tragic also. But she was killed in her home and we don’t know by who. (Clara, sister, 49, W, 3 years)

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Cold Case Homicide Survivors 467

He lost his son—I believe he fell off the balcony or something. And he said to me, and I was very surprised that he said he didn’t know the pain we were going through. There is a difference. (Emily, mother, 72, W, 17 years)

When comparing their own journey to individuals who have not expe-rienced a homicide, almost all of the cold case homicide survivors utilized upward comparison, viewing their own position as worse off. The upward comparisons resulted in feelings of isolation and being different. The cold case homicide survivors noted several reasons their situation was grim in comparison. With a homicide, there was no warning or anticipation of death, the victim was not in peace at passing, the family feels judged as deserving/criminal in nature, and the death involved horrific violence and grotesque imagery.

Only one survivor noted that her son’s murder and subsequent death was not the worst-case scenario for her family. After meeting a woman who was a quadriplegic after surviving the exact same gunshot injury that had killed her son, one mother was able to view her son’s death as a blessing.

And it made me realize that I knew how adamant Devon was about not wanting … he would not have wanted to live like that. And so it was just the weirdest thing because the bullet entered her at the same place as Devon’s … . I felt like the Lord was saying I could let Devon live and he could have had to live like this. He wouldn’t have wanted that. So that was just a real special gift. (Sarah, mother, 57, W, 11 years)

Despite her son’s traumatic death, Sarah utilized downward comparison to realize her son and her family could be coping with a scenario that in her perspective was far more challenging and painful.

Homicide Comparisons

Previous literature indicates that individuals are likely to associate with people who share their disposition and prefer the contact to be with individuals who they view as better off (Morrell, et al., 2011). While the cold case homicide survivors recalled how they felt isolated from the outside world, when describ-ing other homicide survivors, there was a clear bond that emerged.

The majority of survivors in this sample made lateral comparisons with fellow homicide survivors. Whether the statement was generally directed at “all homicide survivors” or specific encounters with fellow survivors, the cold case homicide survivors noted they were able to understand and relate to one another.

We [homicide survivors] can relate to each other, you know. We both have been down that road. (Abigail, mother, 60, B, 15 years)

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We’re [homicide survivors] walking in the same shoes. (Nancy, mother, 63, W, 20 years)

If they are walking in these shoes, they know. (Madelyn, mother, 50, B, 2 years)

We’ve both been down that road … wondering what you are going to do next week and the next week. Something that nags at a person. (Abigail, mother, 60, B, 15 years)

With other people who lost someone through violence, the pain don’t change; it’s just the same. It goes on and on and on. (Harrison, father, 61, B, 2 years)

I think that even though we [homicide survivors] all have different per-spectives it’s still … with homicide it’s one central thing. We are all won-dering the same thing … why? (Sophie, granddaughter, 35, W, 15 years)

By seeking individuals they view as similar, survivors are able to nor-malize and understand their own disposition. The survivors even recognized that homicide created a commonality and could be utilized to develop friendships and offer support to one another. By their descriptions of meet-ings and outings with other homicide survivors, the cold case homicide survivors in this sample detailed the importance and positive impact of such encounters.

You are meeting people who are in the same situation you are … you can bond with them and make friends with them. (Grace, sister, 52, W, 5 years)

I sort of wrote to her and she wrote to me. And she had lost her daughter a number of years ago, I think back in 1986 or something like that. And she insisted when she knew we were coming down to Gainesville … that we get together. To go out for dinner. I met her and I thought it was an excellent meeting. We stayed there. We not only had dinner, but we stayed several hours after dinner. (Emily, mother, 72, W, 17 years)

[There was] this couple that we were just talking to last weekend. It was like … we didn’t know each other before their son was killed. We go to the same church but we did not really know each other. It was a friend of mine that [had] us all over for dinner and let us talk; it was good. (Sarah, mother, 57, W, 11 years)

Most of the survivors detailed a sense of unification and uniformity in coping with a homicide. However, for the unique participants in the current study, their cases are classified as cold, or lacking a resolution to the case

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Cold Case Homicide Survivors 469

years after the initial murder. A very small proportion specifically used this factor to indicate their grief was more difficult than a traditional homicide survivor.

So I guess what sets apart a cold case family from one that gets solved is just not knowing who you can trust. And you just don’t know if you’re saying something you shouldn’t say. (Clara, sister, 49, W, 3 years)

While most survivors had noted that not knowing who the perpetrator was haunted them on a daily basis, social comparisons were used to explain why other case circumstances, including having a missing persons case clas-sified as a homicide or having a traditional solved homicide, would be even more difficult than their current disposition.

But then, the ones that are missing, they are even worse. You don’t even know where your loved ones are. (Michelle, mother, 50, B, 12 years)

I think my experiences were bad … a lot of theirs [other homicide survi-vors] were worse, you know? (Robert, brother, 32, W, 11 years)

And when those cases are solved, I can say that those people are a little worser for it. (Elizabeth, sister, 34, W, 4 years)

I seen some of my brothers and sisters … what they were going through when they knew who did it. They were suffering when they had to go reenact what had happened. The man who did it is sitting up there and his family is sitting over their making faces at them when their brother done killed the son. I said “My God, they’re going through all this here?” I wanted better not to know. (Harrison, father, 61, B, 2 years)

It is possible that downward comparisons were used by the cold case homicide survivors to counter prominent thoughts of fear, suspicion of others, and hopelessness.

Statements from survivors in this study indicate a deep connection with other homicide survivors, often recognizing how their experience with homi-cide would allow them to understand others in a similar situation. Each of their individual experiences has the ability to provide guidance to other survivors who are at various points in the healing process.

If they [other survivors] ask me something, you know, I can tell them what my experiences were. It would be nice to have somebody that you can talk to. (Michelle, mother, 50, B, 12 years)

He’s [God has] used what we’ve been through to help other people. (Sarah, mother, 57, W, 11 years)

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You have to do something positive because it could help so many people. There is a feeling that you get when you help other people. Because you’re giving of yourself and helping them. (Nancy, mother, 63, W, 20 years)

I believe God takes us through so we’ll be able to help somebody else. … He wanted me to learn from what I went through to help another person, and then when I realized what was going on and opened up, now I can see her pain, I really can. (Harrison, father, 61, B, 2 years)

You know what it’s like to lose a loved one and so I think you can relate to someone else that has lost a loved one. And perhaps if their loss is more recent than yours, you may be able to provide some insight. (Marianne, granddaughter, 66, W, 40 years)

They might have already gone down a path and be able to direct you in how to deal with stuff. Especially the older cases … how did you get to where you are today? What did you do that might help me? Can you give me some direction of how to go from here? (Grace, sister, 52, W, 5 years)

Without a resolution, the survivors discussed a multitude of challenges, fears, and debilitating questions. Yet, social comparison reflects feelings of belonging, understanding, and superior circumstance among the sample. This possibility warrants further investigation.

DISCUSSION

The results of this study indicate that direction may not be the most impor-tant factor in social comparison theory; instead, who individuals are compar-ing themselves to might be more significant. When comparing themselves to non-homicide survivors, participants nearly exclusively utilized upward comparison. They noted that experiences with loss caused by accident or natural death could not compare to the emotional devastation and distress after a murder. These findings are consistent with earlier studies that suggest upward comparison can cause increased anxiety, depressive thoughts, and isolation (Buunk et al., 1990).

Consistent with previous research (Buunk et  al., 1990; Festinger, 1954; Morrell et al., 2011), the participants in this sample identified with and sought out relationships with other homicide survivors, providing the survivors with a sense of acceptance and normalcy to their traumatic grief experience. When comparing themselves to other homicide survivors, the current sample utilized upward, lateral, and downward comparisons. Most of the participants attributed positive reactions from each directional comparison. When upward comparisons were made with other homicide

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Cold Case Homicide Survivors 471

survivors, the cold case homicide survivors reported potentially being helped by those in a “better place” and a desire to achieve their level of healing, supporting previous research that details this trend (Buunk et al., 1991; Montada et al., 1992; Morrell et al., 2011). The sample indicated that they felt a bond with others who had experienced a homicide. The bond was illustrated by the survivors’ continuous mention that all homicide sur-vivors were “walking in the same shoes” and that even with different cir-cumstances the grief was “all the same.” Specifically, they noted how they could use their own progress to help others who may not be as far along on their grief journey (downward comparison) while drawing guidance from other survivors who were further along on their healing path (upward comparison).

Cold case homicide survivors have a unique circumstance due to the fact that their case remains unsolved and there has been no resolution to the murder. At other points in the interview, many of the survivors had expressed how frightening, maddening, and disheartening the unsolved status was and how not knowing the identity of the perpetrator had complicated their grief processing. However, when they described how other individuals were worse off than themselves, they used the fact that their case was unsolved to explain that those with a case resolution may be in a more harmful scenario. It is possible that this downward comparison helps to neutralize their pain of not knowing and provides a justification of why knowing the killer’s iden-tity may not be helpful.

Overall, comparisons with other types of bereaved persons caused distress and resulted in isolation, while comparisons with other homicide survivors, regardless of direction, equated to better adjustment and grief management and provided cold case homicide survivors with a sense of belonging, a way to make meaning of their loss, and a model for effective healing. The results demonstrate support for survivor-led programming and guide the recommendation that victim advocates and individuals interacting with the bereaved should recognize and value the spectrum of comparison (downward, lateral, and upward), noting that each direction can be helpful or harmful to the individual in need.

The current study offers great insight into the experiences of an under-researched victim group. However, the study is not without limitations. A referral, snowball sample was used, and survivors were not directly asked about the individual usage of social comparison. Future large-scale qualita-tive and quantitative research could specifically measure social comparison and may provide a more complete picture of the current themes. Attention to the effects of various demographics on the use of social comparison among these survivors may also be helpful. The cold case homicide survi-vors in the current study expressed a desire to be counseled by other homi-cide survivors. Research on the availability, utilization, and success of such programs should be conducted.

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472 A. P. Wellman

CONCLUSION

The current results indicate that the cold case homicide survivors in this sample utilized social comparison as a means of understanding, processing, and coping with their grief. The overall trends indicate that when compared with bereaved persons who are coping with non-homicidal deaths, cold case homicide survivors use upward comparison to position themselves as “worse off” and as “different.” When comparing themselves to these types of indi-viduals, survivors noted feelings of isolation and greater distress. However, when comparing their experiences with those of other homicide survivors, lateral and downward comparisons were primarily used, allowing the cold case homicide survivors to feel a sense of community, belonging, and peace. The results advocate for survivor-led bereavement programs and offer thera-pists potential insight into the useful and dangerous social comparisons that can be made by this unique population of victims.

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Sunstein, C. R. (1997). Bad deaths. Journal of Risk and Uncertainty, 14, 259–282.Taylor, S. E., Wood, J. V., & Lichtman, R. R. (1983). It could be worse: Selective evalu-

ation as a response to victimization. Journal of Social Issues, 39, 19–40.Walton, R. H. (Ed.). (2006). Cold case homicides: Practical investigative techniques.

Boca Raton, FL: CRC Press.Ybema, J. F., & Buunk, B. P. (1995). Affective responses to social comparisons among

disabled individuals. British Journal of Social Psychology, 34, 279–292.

Ashley P. Wellman is an assistant professor of criminal justice at the University of Central Missouri. Her areas of specialization include violent offending and victimization.

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