2013 GRAMMY AWARDS

Watched & Reviewed by Dana

TAYLOR SWIFT

She needs to go away – far, far away, and

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER come

back.

If a circus theme cannot make you good, all that posing is not

going to help. I know all I am ever going to be is mean, but so be it.

Shut the Eff UP!

LL COOL J

Dude, you were cooler last year. Less talking, more coolness please.

More of this

ELTON JOHN

Who was he singing with?

Dude you can sing that is for damn sure!

Uh, the eyebrows are just a tad bit too gay!

TWITTER

Look LL, reading Tweets on TV reduces your “cool” factor

drastically!

If I wanted to know what #Ahole had to say, I would “follow”

them. I don‟t, because I do not care!

Death to Twitter!

J LO

All I see is one gigantic mother effing thigh surrounded by black.

Stop! Just stop, you ain‟t all that any more girl. Showing pics of your

grammy‟s outfit down to your belly button is just sad. Really just sad!

It reeks of desperation!

THE KATY PERRY TWITTER

PARADOX

I will let Tweets be read so long as Katy Perry never, ever, ever,

ever (to quote T.Swift) wins another award. In addition, she must

craw into a large hole and never emerge again!

Really with that dress? Man you can sing but you have some bad

ass taste when it comes to dresses!

Fire your stylist, or hire a stylist but for the love of

humanity stop wearing ugly clothes. It hurts my eyes!

ADELE

FUN.

Okay, they are the cutest little things out there – even in

manpris, they are cute.

But wait, is that rain, on fun.? That makes your guys cute and cool!

Why didn‟t you get electrocuted?

MIRANDA LAMBERT

This I don‟t care about the size of my giant ass country girl super

tight dress wearing time has got to come to a STOP! Really. Just

Stop!

I dub it Country Ghetto and your new name is Mrrr‟&Duh.

MIGUEL & WIZ KHALEEF

Dude for a scrawny ass little black guy, you rocked that zig zag suit!

Miguel? Stop whining!

CARRIE UNDERWOOD

I need her to go on a booze and drug filled rampage that would

make the Rolling Stones and The Who blush.

She needs some tarnish to that perfect shine!

SKELETOR & VERSACE BOY

Eat a EFFING Cheeseburger you two.

You are too skinny, and I do not say that lightly!

JOHNNY DEPP

Time to get a new look man. That pirate, keith richards, kinda

thing you got going on is just getting tired. Really, really tired! And I

am a fan man, a big fan!

Somewhere between J Crew and Treasure

Island there is a style just waiting for you!

MUMFORD & SONS

Who would have thought that the banjo irish diddy thing would catch on?

These boys are pretty dorky looking and they are lucky they can sing.

They are getting laid for banjo music! Good banjo music, but banjo

nonetheless!

STOP CUTTING TO

TAYLOR SWIFT.

This is the Grammy‟s not the “look how pretty I am while I dance and

sing” Taylor Swift show.

STOP IT!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Oh man dude, that was bad! Bruno did it last year, and did it way

better. Time to walk away man.

Waaait – Jay Z just walked on. Can he save JT? Nope! Look dude

if Jay Z cannot save your ass, it is one sorry ass, ass!

You DID NOT bring sexy back!

KELLY ROWLAND

One slip of that dress and it is Grammy Cooter City here we

come!

FRANK OCEAN

I know everyone loves him – but it just sounds like whiney, puky

music to me.

It makes me want to punch him in the face!

Now you want to punch him in the face too!

That dumb ass sweat band does NOT help either!

DAVE GROHL

Ok, really CSI Goth Girl – stand down soldier! You are holding

on to him just a little too tightly for my liking!

BLACK KEYS

G.D. Effing lucky to be so talented because you boys got a bad

case of the Fugglies!

You are my new favorite band of all time though!

MAROON 5 & ALICIA KEYS

Adam is a Right Proper Douche Bag. Looked it up in the dictionary

and there he was under Douche Bag!

But wait, Alicia Keys on drums, are you kidding me – that is pure evil

genius madness!

Wait, whaaaat was that a boobie shot at 1:23! And all the way

throughout the rest of the song.

Even with a booby shot you are still a Right Proper Douche Bag

Adam!

BIG BANG GIRL

If you are going to present at the Grammys

And if you are going to wear big girl shoes at said Grammys

You sure as shit need to learn to walk in your big girl shoes!

KELLY CLARKSON

Oh sweetie – man you need a stylist! You and Adele should get

together and hire one together!

You might be stronger, but you dress like shit!

#SHUTTHEFUCKUP

How „bat that Twitter bitches!

RIH RIH

Okay – That bitch can sing her ass off! Not too bad on the eyes

either right?

You make some bad ass choices in your life, but they are balanced

by that voice!

PROPOSAL

Carrie Underwood you need a little Rih Rih to spice you up a bit

and make you a little less “whole milk” goodness.

Rih Rih you need a little C.U. Cuz she would not take that shit

from Chris Brown that is for sure!

JOHN LEGEND

I want to find you and slap that stupid look right off of your face.

You smug ass M.Effer!

JAY Z FOR PREZ!

The US would be one cool ass country that NOBODY would eff

with!

THE BLACK KEYS, PART

DEUX

How to make a very high voodoo dude on keyboards, a New

Orleans marching band, and two dorky dudes cool!

That is good music!

I know, but I love this song!