A C K N O W L E D G E M E N T S

Writing a book is not very easy. It needs passion and commitment

to be able to express the message you want to impart to others. It also

needs cooperation from people around you to make the atmosphere

conducive by not making a lot of noise that can destruct your concent-

ration.

First, I want to acknowledge the patience of my husband Pars for bear-

ing with me when it is time to hit bed at nigh; he would leave me alone

and not demand to join him in bed though I know he tells me that he

can’t sleep without me by his side, for he feels more secured whenever I

am beside him.

I would also like to acknowledge the inspiration in writing this book

came from the upbringing my parents provided us. I thank God for al-

lowing me to grow up in a Christian family. My parents taught me prin-

ciples of the Word of God through their actions, though they did not

memorize them, they were instinctively doing it! They helped me under-

stand the great and wonderful life it is to be happily married. They

showed me through examples how my duties and obligations as a wife

and mother of my children should be. I am eternally grateful for all the

wonderful things God has taught my parents and handed them down to

us. The priorities they taught us…not material things but life, friends,

family, insight into my life, and the ability to love and be loved. The list

is endless!

GOD’S TEN COMMANDMENTS

FOR MARRIAGE

Good marriages don’t just happen. It is not just because you married

the right person and got lucky. Good marriages are built on more than

passion. They are built on principle.

In the Scriptures, we find the best guidelines and principles for a healthy

marriage. God’s words and God’s principles are never ever outdated…

never! They are just as applicable today as they were to ancient Jews

living in Israel.

In this book, I want to point out to principles God has given us in a place

you might not think was intended for marriage. That place is the Ten

Commandments, found in Exodus 20.

A N T R O N A S

Chapter One God's Ten Commandments For Marriage

_______________________

Introduction

_____________________________ Working together for a blessed mar-riage touched by God is the answer to a successful marriage. If you have been married any length of time, you know for a fact that good marriages just don't happen. They have to be worked on with passion and decision to build on God’s principles. In the Scriptures we find the abso-lute best guidelines and principles for a healthy marriage in any genera-tion. God's words, God's principles are never outdated. I’d like to go back three and a half thousand years and look at some wedding vows that are extremely re-levant today. I don't know if you are aware of this or not, but God looked at Israel as His bride. Throughout the Scripture He refers to them as His wife and uses the analogy, the

metaphor, that He is the husband. In Jeremiah He said, “You have been an unfaithful wife. You have com-mitted adultery.” He went as far as saying “I have written you a bill of divorcement.” In the book of Ezekiel and Hosea He uses the same analo-gy. God is the husband; Israel, His people, is the wife. He speaks about the unfaithfulness, but He also speaks about His love towards them and desires a long-term relationship. And even in the New Testament, the church is referred to as the bride of Christ. God is basically saying that he wants to have an intimate, per-sonal relationship with His people Do you know that the Ten Com-mandments is God's wedding vows for His people? God was saying, “If you want a long-term relationship with Me that is healthy and growing, here's what you need to do.” Marriage is seldom an easy proposi-tion. At some point, every marriage sees an end to the honeymoon bliss. Even so, the end of the honeymoon need not mean the end of happiness or passion. Every couple can keep the fires of love burning long after the honeymoon has become nothing but a sweet memory. How can we do this?

Marriage means work. Contrary to what many folks think, best wishes and good luck have nothing to do with health and happiness of a mar-riage. A good marriage results from working hard and by putting the timeless principles of God’s Word at the center of the relationship. Marit-al happiness is really a matter of choice. It comes when we do things that keep our love growing and ma-turing---even during the tough times. Through the prophet Isaiah, God tells His people, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!” What a tremendous word! “Fear not” Why? Because He has redeemed us through Jesus Christ, and those who know Christ are in God’s plan. He knows our name—in fact He knows even the number of our hair. So re-lax, do not be afraid for God has a plan for your life and your marriage. He will incorporate the stormy sea-son of your marriage into His plan. But the choice is yours; you need to work it out with Him. _________________________

Exodus 20:4-6

“You shall have no other Gods before Me, nor any curve image…”

1. No One Else But You We want to talk about the Ten Commandments as they relate to us in our relationship with God, certain-ly... you know, in that vertical rela-tionship; but, also, we can see the parallelism in how they apply hori-zontally in our own marriage rela-tionships. The Ten Commandments are not only just God’s lists of dos and don’ts; and by the way, they are not just "thou shalt not". They are not some sort of a stairway to hea-ven, where you keep this one, you keep this other one, and if you can keep all ten, then the pearly gates will swing open wide, and God will admit you inside His heaven. It's not all that, there is more to it. Let's look at the first one. In Exodus 20:4 He said, "You shall have no other gods before Me." God is saying, "I want an exclusive relationship. I don't want to be fla-vor-of-the-month. I want to be your one and only one." How appropriate is that in marriage. This deal is for life. I'm not shop-ping, I'm not looking anywhere else, and I’m committed to this thing. I have one and only, from now until death do us part. Whether you got married in a Christian church, at a

justice of the peace, or at a quickie wedding chapel in Las Vegas, you still have taken part in a covenant agreement laid out by God in which He told us to “leave and cleave.” In a morally and socially chaotic world where half of new marriages shatter through divorce, and prenup-tial agreements—a contractual ar-rangement, are increasingly in vo-gue. “Well, let's get married, but we are going to have some prenuptial agreements; and if this thing doesn't work out, you don't get the house and you don't get this and you will get that. Let's get this all sorted out just in case.” Couples seeking contractual agree-ments seem to expect that someone or something will separate what God has joined together. They appear to see such agreement as an easy way to open the “back door” for a swift and clean getaway. If you choose to operate your marriage only on le-gal contract, you may stay together, but you will miss the dynamic rela-tionship that comes only with the spiritual bonding and intimacy of a divine covenant. God’s formula, and only His formula, gives signific-ance, creativity, and sizzle to a mar-riage.

Cleave to the sacred reality of mar-riage covenant! Understand that what God joins together, there is no one else except your spouse, the “one and only one.” Henry Ford, on his fiftieth wedding anniversary, his golden wedding an-niversary, was asked how he was so successful in his marriage. He said, “I am successful in my marriage for the same reason I am successful in my business. I stick to one model.” In marriage, God commands us to have only one. God didn't take two ribs out of Adam's side and say, "Okay, here is Eve, here is Saman-tha. Take your pick, whatever you want.” No, He took one rib out of Adam's side, brought her to the man, and the two became one. You have to have that mind set if you want to have a healthy growing mar-riage…I'm in this thing through thick and thin. It doesn't matter. I'm committed. “There is no one else but you!”

In Verse 4 -“ “You shall not make

for yourself a carved image—any likeness of anything that is in hea-ven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water un-der the earth; 5you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I,

the LORD your God, am a jealous God...” “You shall not make for yourself a curved image...”And He went on to say…, in heaven above, in the earth, or in the sea.” God wanted to make sure that it was all covered. “Don’t make images of me, and then wor-ship them” God is saying, Don't love a substitute, love Me. For some people, it's easier for them to worship a curved image and relate to them, than to relate to God Him-self. An image could also be some-one we admire, a pastor, a parent, a friend, a hero, a movie star, and could be an old relationship. There are people who love to live in a world of fantasy, or in the past. They try to compare their spouse with someone else. Even memories of the past love can lead to the “greener pasture” syndrome. Some-times when conflicts erupt in your marriage, and you don’t “leave” your past, you’ll be tempted to men-tally compare your partner with that person from your past. Thoughts such as “If I only had married Gloria instead, or I know Fred would have acted differently in this situation,” This can drive a wedge between a husband and wife. This can be dis-tractive since you are not living in

reality. You and I both know there is no “greener pasture.” Every mea-dow has its share of beggar lice, blighted spots, and thorns. So how do you get a greener grass? By wa-tering the grass you already have! Irrigate and cultivate what you have with your spouse, rather than gazing longingly at an image of the past. We’ve got to face the music; we cannot have any substitutes for our frustrations. Love your spouse and find your fulfillment in that relation-ship. I think that is one reason why pornography is also so derogatory. There are men or even women who are involved in this. They are point-ing all their affection, passion, lust and everything towards an image, and it robs the marriage. It sucks the life out of a marriage relationship. Don't love a substitute. Love your mate. Your passion belongs to your wife. Your passion belongs to your husband, not to some image on a screen. Some people will fill their life with work and look for their fulfillment there. Some parents will fill their life with their kids and look for their ful-fillment there, and it becomes a substitute for what they should be experiencing in their marriage rela-tionship. And eventually it breaks down.

Let me illustrate to you a typical scenario: A guy just buries himself in his work, “Well, I'm doing this for you because I love you.” And the wife or husband may bury all of their affection and passion on the kids, and their world revolves around that, and they can’t find time for their marriage relationship. Of course as parents, it is your obli-gation to take care of your kids but you are forgetting that kids are hap-pier when their parents are happy and the environment at home is plea-sant. When your marriage relation-ship is out of order, your kids be-comes out of order…they are un-happy and can possibly develop some syndrome in their growing years. Someone has said that one of the surest ways to bring an end to marit-al intimacy is to have children. I do not agree with this statement at all. Our attitude while having a family should be maintaining marital inti-macy a challenge. It doesn’t have to spell an end to intimacy. Children are blessing from the Lord, but they also demand a lot of time. Most Christian couples work for a living and also tend to other life responsi-bilities

including those at church and with friends and extended family. Finding intimacy or trying to work out a rela-tionship is not easy, but I can tell you from experience that it can be done. My father played golf for 50 years; it really kept him physically fit. He finds enjoyment in that, and there are other things he enjoyed doing with his friends. He loved walking and breathing fresh air. He did not play golf because there is no fulfill-ment in his relationship with Mom. Golf is not a substitute for his mar-riage fulfillment. Whenever you are trying to find ful-fillment in other ways, without rea-lizing that when crises comes and it happens… that is if he gets laid off or when its time to retire and the kids are grown up and leaves home, and there is only you two who are strangers left in the house, who has ceased to relate long ago, what do you think will happen? There is no place for substitutes in marriage relationship. Love one another and put each other first in your life. No substitute, no replace-ment,” “no other image” but your spouse

Exodus 20:7

“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain…”

2. I Shall Speak Well About You Verse 7 says, “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.” God is saying, “If you want to have a good relationship with Me, speak well of me.” Watch your words. In fact, the phrase “in vain” means empty, meaningless, insincere, not showing due respect. Whenever you speak superficially or lightly about someone, it weakens your respect for them. Mature love can withstand every tri-al thrown its way. It lasts through

out the years—but only through choosing to do the work necessary to make it grow. One basic principle that can help your love grow into mature love you desire, is to speak word of blessings to your partner, and do it consistently. The word blessing comes from a combination of three terms: will, well, and word. So to speak a blessing on each other, we speak a willing word and a well word. This produces healing and soothes any scars brought on by con-flict. Far too often, words flow from the mouths with little thought behind them. We say things that hurt our spouse before we realize it. In mar-

riage, words can be enriching or it can be damaging, depending on the kind of words that you speak. Some couples fall into the bad habit of be-littling one another in the presence of others. They cut one another down, sometimes in a joking manner in a crowd, making it sound funny but insulting. They may laugh and appear to be good sports at first—but after a while, such behavior makes one think if that was a joke or its out of the abundance of the heart. In the Book of Proverbs says: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue. And those that indulge in it will eat its fruit for life or for death.” Sometimes we say habitual negative comments without realizing we are regularly planting negative seeds, that sooner or later we will harvest the fruit of it. God says: “Whatever a man sows, that shall he reap…” You sow the wind; and, eventually, you will reap the whirlwind. Build your spouse up with words. Be lavish with your praise. There is a saying “Praise is a Many Splendor Thing” It means--- be creative be-cause there are countless ways of praises, verbal and nonverbal ways.

Nonverbal praise might include your body language, the way you look at each other, your gestures. A smile or a loving look can do wonders in reassuring your spouse of your ge-nuine love. A short note of “I love you,” a phone call in the middle of the day. Be creative! In the book of James, it says: that the tongue is like the rudder of a ship. The rudder determines which way the ship is going to go. Some people, the ship of their marriage is headed towards a disaster. Pars and I have been in the presence of some people we couldn't wait to get away from. They just cut each other to ribbons with their words, and you just don't even like to be in their presence. A relationship like that will eventually go over the falls. Is it Niagara Falls? I will share a little story with you and then we will move on to the next one. Pars and I were in a conference, oh, ten years ago. I couldn't help notic-ing there was this husband and wife and their two teen-age boys. The boys were sitting, taking notes for two hours and forty-five minutes. This is amazing; most kids would be shooting papers and just slapping

each other. Two hours and forty mi-nutes… gosh no way! I was so fascinated with this family and with the discipline of these boys and it seemed they have that hunger for the word of God at a young age and being able to sit and listen. I couldn’t help myself and I asked Pars to join me and meet this family. So we met the husband and wife, and I said, “What is your secret? Your boys, we watched them sit here for two hours and forty-five minutes, they weren't fighting with each oth-er.” I was astounded at what the mother said: “Well, our key is, we just teach them to speak the right kind of words. Sometimes they fight like all siblings do; but when they do, we make them stop and face each other and say, “You are my brother. I love you. I wouldn't hurt you.” And we make them speak words of life to each other. And the father said, “It works like magic.” That was the phrase he used. Then I talked to the boys, they were so gra-cious and respectful. We learned something from this family. When we do counseling, we make the couples face each other and say positive things to each other. At first there is always great resis-tance--- what else could it be?--- pride. “I’m not going to do it” he

says. “It’s just like pulling my teeth.” But after submitting to this procedure, you can see the expres-sion of their faces change after hear-ing positive love words from each other. Then we end up the session by asking them to forgive each oth-er, hug and I say a short closing prayer for them. This method has been very fruitful. We have seen couples fight like cats and dogs. They are at each other's throats right there in a counseling session. They are arguing and fight-ing with one another. And, believe me, I've seen that more times than I care to remember. We usually start the session by asking questions such as “Why did you marry each other?” “Well, we loved each other.” “Do you still love each other now?” “I don’t know.” is the common re-sponse. After the session, we ask them if they really want to be helped and save their marriage, and there is one condition-- they need to cooperate; there must be mutual interest and decision to make it work out, not on their own power, but by the power of the Holy Spirit. Their first assign-ment is to speak positive love words to one another all week long. We ask them to come back and see us in a week. The ones that we can get to

agree to do their assignment, usually come back, and thy look like two heads stuck on one body. And mira-culously, their relationships turn around because their speech turned around. Don't underestimate the power of your words, my brothers and sisters. Read the account in Genesis. God created the world with words. God said, and it was; God said, and it was. God said it… it happened; God said it… it happened…until the world was formed. God made man in His own image and in His own likeness with the ability to speak words: atmosphere-creating words, life-changing words, and also we are capable of speaking negative words, so be careful! Use your tongue only with words that can build up. Don't underestimate the power of your speech. Make this a motto: “I will speak well about you”

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Exodus 20:8

“Remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy…”

_____________________________

3. I Shall Have Exclusive Time with You

In Verse 8 it says: “Remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy. 9Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female ser-vant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. 11For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, sea, and all that is in them, and rested the se-venth day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and hal-lowed it. “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.” Now the word “Sabbath” literally means intermission, rest, to cease from labor, to put down your work. As if God is saying, “If you want a long- term relationship with Me, we need to have time together. A special time, an exclusive time, and an extravagant time together.” This is the kind of relationship God is asking for himself. If you can do this to God whom you do not see, then it would be easier for us to do this to our spouse whom we see. Once we develop this kind of rela-

tionship with God everything fol-lows. And it will not happen if you don't plan it and make it a high prior-ity in your schedule. So many times couples are trying to squeeze one another into their busy schedules. “Well, dear, I can be with you next Thursday between 4:00 and 4:34, maybe 4:40. That ought to give us time to have a really vulnerable, meaningful conversation. I'll attend to this in five days, talk to you lat-er!” We can attend to our other schedules: time with friends, sports, clean the car, on with your internet, whatever, while the spouse gets a few “left over time.” God is saying, If we are going to walk together, if we are going to have a relationship, if you are going to be My own special treasure, I want your time. Have you heard of this fallacy, “Well, we don't spend quantity time together, we just spend quality time together.” Baloney! That’s my fa-ther’s favorite expression. Quality time comes out of quantity time. The more you spend time together with quality time the better, but you need to schedule it; you have to make it happen. We all know what busy is? Yeah, all of us do. I mean, you have

kids, you have your job, you have every other thing in the world. But you have to make your time with your spouse a priority. You have to have an exclusive time with each other. It's important that you date of-ten if you want your relationship to grow. God is like saying: If you want a good relationship with Me, you need to show these characteris-tics. And in a marriage these are qualities that you need to look for. _____________________________

Exodus 20:12

“Honor your father, and your mother that your days may be

long…” ____________________________

4. I Shall Honor and

Love You “Honor your father and your moth-er that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” To honor your father and your moth-er, God is just basically telling us that we must be grateful. Generally, but certainly not in all cases; parents put much time and energy and love and money in raising their children

And it is tragic when a child is un-grateful. William Shakespeare said, “How sharper than ant's tooth it is to have a thankless child.” Try to observe somebody that is un-grateful towards their parents and feels no responsibility towards them, I guarantee you that will color every other area of their life, as well. They are selfish, and they feel like the world owes them a living. Just like the hippies, they go pick up their welfare check and their food stamps, and they get their test results from the free clinic... and they have to do it in a hurry because they have to make it in time for the demonstra-tion against the “establishment.” You know what I’m talking about. Some people feel like the world re-volves around them. It's all about “my” needs. “You are not meeting my needs.” It is very difficult to have a relationship with an ungrate-ful, selfish person. If you want to have a good marriage, you have to give. You have to be a servant. It's not about, my needs aren't being met, my needs… my needs… my needs...! There must be a give and take and not to take each other for granted. We need to put much time and energy for the happiness of each other. “Honor and love each other that your days may be long.” When

you don’t get stressed out with any-thing especially with the person who lives with you, hopefully for a life-time, you will have a long life. I remember a movie I watched. Here is the father of the groom wav-ing to the newlyweds saying, “Re-member son, happy wife, happy life.” Because he is the father of the groom, he was giving advice to his son. He was concerned about their relationship to last. He knows that when one “honors” it also means re-spect; there will be a happy, whole-some relationship.

______________________________

Exodus 20:13

“You shall not kill.” ____________________________

5. I Shall Not Kill Your

Happiness “Kill” is a heavy word, but we don’t realize that in our daily existence, we are guilty of this unknowingly. “I can’t kill anyone, not even an ant!” Did you ever say nasty words to your neighbor, to your children, to your wife? Did you kill the joy and happiness of your spouse, the expec-tations, the dreams, and aspirations?

Did you murder your marriage rela-tionship which ended in divorce? Were you ever angry and violent? In Matthew 5:21, Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago. You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment. But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judg-ment.” If you are going to have a good, healthy, lasting marriage, you need to learn to be gentle. People who are easily angered, who are violent or have an explosive temper, react like the “incredible hawk,” these destroy relationships. Try to observe when you go to some people’s house, and there are holes in the doors; holes in the walls, something wrong is going on. Sooner or later, you will hear they have divorced. And it is not always the guys with the temper. Some women go ballistic with very little provocation... throwing things, cursing, swearing, hitting. It hap-pens. Listen, young lady, if you are dating someone that blows up easily, loses his temper while driving down the freeway with him, somebody cuts him off, and he rolls down the window and... (growls a bunch of words or gives the ‘dirty finger and

makes you cry often; you better take that as a warning sign, baby! You better not marry somebody with that temper. On the other hand, if you are a per-son who cannot control your temper, you better learn to control yourself or the devil will control you. Watch your anger. It erodes the foundation of relationships. The only way to control anger is to put on the wisdom of God. The bible says “Man’s wisdom is foolishness to God.” And God is saying, love your enemy, forgive that you may understand the weaknesses of others. Science is able to show that the male and female brain work very diffe-rently. Men and women differ not only in their physical attributes and reproductive function but also in the way they think, react, and how they solve intellectual problems. Rather than foolishly despise your partner’s uniqueness, delight in it. Even ver-bally abuse or anything that conse-quently brings pain emotionally or mentally is a violation of this com-mandment. Thinking less of oneself and more of your spouse’ welfare will bring considerable good effect on your relationship.

Exodus 20:1

“You shall not commit adultery.” ________________________

6. I Shall Be Faithful to You

Verse 15 says: “You shall not com-mit adultery.” With God, that is putting other things... people... before Him; spiri-tual adultery... dabbling in the occult or other religions. And it is quite ob-vious in marriage; it would be hard-pressed to imagine anything more damaging than adultery. Be faithful not only in action, but in thoughts. Today we don’t have to wander out-side to see our “Bathsheba.” Our own work environments or neigh

borhood might provide a “rooftop-There is a great struggle for men in their lustful thoughts towards an attractive or charming coworker and same struggle with neighbor, family friend, or associate. Men need only to drive to the near-est town with the so-called “men’s club” featuring female bodies on display and there is also an increas-ing number of clubs for women where male dancers leave little to the imagination. But perhaps our closest equivalent to David staring Bathshe-ba is watching the screen in the

computer; gazing, contemplating, and fantasizing over what we are viewing. With the arrival of the In-ternet we don’t even have to leave the confines of our home. Again, Jesus expands on this in Mat-thew chapter 5. “You have heard that it was said to those of old, You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Having a lustful, exploitive disposi-tion will choke a marriage. Love gives but lust takes; love serves, but lust demands; love nourishes, but lust chokes. Sex should be enjoyed in marriage. It is a gift from God. It is wonderful. But listen to me: Lust without love has no place even in marriage. It will hurt a marriage. It can destroy a rela-tionship. You commit adultery and unfaith-fulness not only in action but in thoughts, and in words. Be faithful to one another because unfaithful-ness obliterate trust then love de-cays. Adultery usually has negative ef-fects. An affair is one of the most

painful experiences the jilted spouse will ever be forced to endure, and it is also very painful for the children. Friends and members of the ex-tended family are usually hurt as well. However, the unfaithful com-mon effects of adultery/cheating spouse and the lover are also hurt by the experience. They are left with feelings of depression, guilt, and humiliation. Billy Graham said: "How many homes are broken because of men and women who are unfaithful! What sin is committed every day at this point. God will not hold you guiltless! There is a day of reckon-ing. 'Be sure your sin will find you out' (Numbers 32:23). ____________________________

Exodus 20: 15

“You shall not steal.”

7. I Shall Be a Person of Integrity

“You shall not steal." In other words, be a person of integrity. If you are always cheating, lying, cut-ting corners, that sort of thing, it will be hard for your spouse to respect and trust you.

Your uprightness of character should make your partner feel proud about you. The idea we get here is that a person of integrity is real. They do what they say they will do. People who have integrity are honest, sin-cere, they have it all together. The word “integrity” comes from the same root word as integration. People who have integrity have inte-grated their faith into their life. In Matthew 23, Jesus speaks seven woes to the Pharisees. The problem of the Pharisees was that they were hypocrites, they had no integrity. They would say one thing in public and do another in private. Integrity is not what we say or do, but it is who we are, what we are. Integrity goes to the bottom of our heart. What we say and do comes from the heart, and defines who we are. It's been said that if we will take care of our character, our reputation will take care of itself. I personally can forgive my husband for any faults and be able to forget, but the moment he lies to me, I abso-lutely will never trust his word again. This is part of our covenant with each other and with our child-ren, “Tell the truth and we will for-get your fault.” This is also my cri-terion with my relationship with

friends and business associates. I will only consider and trust them for as long as I don’t catch them lying, not even once!

________________________

Exodus 20:16 “You shall not bear

False witness Against your neighbor”.

_____________________________

8. I Shall Not Ruin Your Reputation

In the eighth commandment, God forbids us to detract in any way from our neighbor’s honor or reputation. It is our good reputation that keeps us well-thought of and well-spoken among our fellowmen. “A good name is more desirable than great riches, high esteem than gold and silver” (Proverbs. 22:1) Husband and wife are no longer two but one. I am not saying that they need to be inseparable or be together physically all the time; however they need to be together in their hearts. What is important to her is important to him. What troubles one, troubles the other. When she is insulted, he is hurt, when he is insulted, she

is hurt. In simple language, I will

not ruin your good name because

whatever they say against you will

be reflected on me. But sometimes

when we are hurt we tell our friends

about our discontentment, about our

arguments, without realizing, it‘s al-

ready a gossip.

Do you know there are five kinds of

Gossip? The first gossip is the ―an-

gry gossip;‖ the second is the ―en-

vious gossip,” then the ―honest gos-

sip,‖ the ―insecure gossip,” and fi-

nally the ―entertaining gossip.”

Angry gossip, is telling others about

the defects of your spouse when you

are angry; when one is envious,

tendency is to tell others that your

mate is stupid, and lazy and other

lies about personality and achieve-

ments. Have you heard this phrase,

―I am not gossiping, I am just tell-

ing the truth nothing but the truth‖

―Do you know that my wife had an

extreme make over or my husband

is wearing a wig and he has false

teeth?‖ That is honest gossip!

Sometimes the wife or husband is

so insecure that they tell things

about their private life to get the at-

tention of others and be liked by

their friends. This is the insecure

gossip.

Have you noticed that telling things

about your spouse entertains others

in parties and gatherings? Yes, you

become the life of the party in the

expense of your partner‘s reputa-

tion. Your spouse embarrassment is

yours as well, and that is entertain-

ing gossip. These are the five gos-

sips that can ruin the reputation of

your marriage partner.

I recommend strategically spread

―good reports‖ about your spouse.

Say some good things to a friend or

relative but be sure it is genuine, be

sure you are acting to build up your

spouse. Don‘t let selfish motives

find their way into your praise in

order to gain some personal benefit.

We need to praise our partner both

in words and action.

_________________________

Exodus 20: 17

“You shall not covet your

neighbor’s wife,…

9. I Shall be Contented with You

Don't be discontented with what

you have. Don't make what you

don't have the focus of your life.

Accentuate what you do have and

what God has blessed you with.

Learn to appreciate your spouse's

strengths, and celebrate one anoth-

er's strengths and quit thinking

about the grass being greener on the

other side of the fence. That is a

misleading notion. It‘s nothing but

spray-painted green…got me! So

many times people are busy com-

paring their spouses with others.

Forget the comparisons; it will kill

your relationship. Do your best to

help cultivate those strengths and

bring them out rather than look at

what you don't have. ―Oh, I wish

you were like him. He leads the Bi-

ble study.‖ ―Why can't you be like

her? Why can't you be a submissive

wife like her?‖ Let‘s practice seeing

only the good things in our spouse,

and there will be no regrets. I tell

you, God can resurrect a dead love.

Make Jesus Christ the center of

your marriage, and He can turn

things around. He can make a good

marriage better; He can also make a

bad marriage good.

Exodus 20: 17

“…You shall not covet anything

that belongs to your neigh-

bor.”

__________________________

10. I Shall Be Thankful

for What I Have

It is not forbidden to wish to have a

house like my neighbor‘s house or a

car like his or even a woman just

like his wife. What is forbidden, I

think, is to want his car or his wife,

her house or her husband. It is all

right to want to have a big house. It

is forbidden to want to live in

someone else‘s house or life. I am

commanded to be me, not you or

her. I am forbidden to covet your

place, to wish to be you.‖

There is power in praise and if only

you and your spouse will devotedly

count your blessings daily, you will

realize how blessed you are.. You

will not desire to have more than

what you need and be contented and

thankful for what you have. Greed

is one of the capital sins. Because

of greed couples end up divorced

when they push themselves into

quicksand of debt. Many husbands

and wives mislead themselves about

material possessions, and they neg-

lect to consider many things in their

marriage that are more valuable

than gold. So they slosh further out

into the swamp of debt, thinking it

is a normal lifestyle. This is the re-

sult of wishing for what others have

and cannot be contented of what

they have. Somewhere along the

way, they sputter, ―but…but…,‖

then it‘s too late. The quicksand of

debt pulls them down and the mar-

riage dies. Be thankful for what you

have! Don‘t be greedy.

Material success had indeed been at

hand with me, but there was still no

inner joy and peace in my heart.

Life begun to be more comfortable

for my family and I, and yet I was

not happy.

One day while praying, I thought of

all the things in my life which I

should be thankful and grateful. I

thought of the good health my fami-

ly and I are enjoying. For my won-

derful husband who loves and cares

for us; for all my dreams of success

realized; my friends and all the

people who sincerely care about us;

our faith and our community. I

started dwelling on these blessings

and considered how richly blessed I

am and instantly I was energized

and propelled my life towards

greater joy and fulfillment.

Consider counting your blessings,

and be thankful for all of them and

find real happiness within!

CHAPTER TWO

The Power of the Resur-

rection in Marriage ___________________

Introduction ______________________

What was the Law?

The Law, given through Moses,

which is the Ten Commandments,

was a divinely un-instituted code of

life by which Israel was governed.

This covered the spiritual and moral

code and was the basis of the whole

law. They can be divided into two

main categories. The first three

dealt with Israel‘s relationship and

attitude towards God. The follow-

ing seven dealt with the relation-

ships and attitudes towards one

another. Jesus summed up all Ten

Commandments in one—LOVE.

When Paul speaks of the ―Law‖ he

is dealing with the basic principles

that was contained in the covenant

God made with Israel; that is, if

they OBEYED and fulfilled all the

Law they would find right standing

with God. Paul‘s purpose has been

to prove that NO MAN has ever

found righteousness through the

Law--not because there was any-

thing wrong with the Law itself, but

because of the basic nature of sin

that is within man.

In Romans chapter 7:14-19, he tells

us what it‘s like living under the

Law.

“We know the law is spiritual; but

I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to

sin…For I have the desire to do

what is good. But I cannot carry it

out. For what I do is not the good

I want to do; no, the evil I do not

want to do- this I keep on doing.”

Paul is trying to tell us that we have

a sinful nature, which is unspiritual.

The carnal man, even how much he

desires to do good, he cannot carry

out to do what he knows is right.

He still does what is evil.

The Law presented only God‘s high

standard of righteousness, but im-

parted no power to fulfill it. Just as

the law of a state may stipulate a

certain speed limit for driving, but

that law has no power within itself

to make a person drive at that speed.

It can only convict the law-breaker.

The Purpose of

the Law

If the Law, then, is powerless to

give man righteousness, why did

God give it to Israel? Paul gives the

answer: ―…..Through, the Law we

become conscious of sin.‖ There-

fore God gave the Law to act as

mirror. When you look into a mir-

ror and see that our face is dirty, we

don‘t pick up the mirror and rub our

faces with it to try to get clean. Its

purpose is simply to show us that

we need cleaning, but we go to

another source—the water—to ac-

tually be made clean. This was the

purpose of the Law—to reveal sin,

to show us our need of cleansing,

and to point us to the One who

could make us clean—Jesus Christ,

the Savior who would come.

The Law was given because of ne-

cessity. Between the promise to

Abraham and the coming Jesus, was

a period of 2,000 years, so God

gave the Law as a temporary cove-

nant to act as guidelines for the

people of Israel. But the Law also

fulfilled an important function; it

revealed sin for what it really is.

The good news of the Gospel is

that, God sent Jesus to take our

judgment. We were not only sin-

ners, but powerless sinners—

powerless to save ourselves and to

change ourselves. And so on the

cross Jesus became for us every-

thing that we could not be. He

didn‘t just save us, He became sal-

vation for us. As we have seen, our

SIN were dealt with by Christ‘s

identification with us—as my

SUBSTITUTE, dying for me. It is

by our identification with Christ---

He is my Representative dying as

me. In other words, as the Father

looked down upon the Cross at His

Son, He saw ME being put to death.

I was taken down off the Cross and

buried in the tomb. I went to the

depths of hell and suffered the aw-

fulness of total separation from

God. I then rose triumphantly over

all the powers of darkness and sin.

I ascended into heaven and sat

down at the right hand of the Father,

because I was in Christ!

All the ordinances were fulfilled in

His sacrifice on the cross of Calvary

and His Resurrection. He is the

mediator of the New Covenant in

which God promised to put His Law

in our minds and write it on our

hearts, in other words, in the New

Covenant He imparts the POWER

to fulfill all righteousness.

Man has desired to walk on the

moon for many centuries, but the

law of gravity has held him back.

In 1969, he finally achieved his de-

sire and Neil Armstrong took the

first step on the moon. What made

it possible? Somehow he had to be

set free from the law of gravity.

The answer is to put him in a rocket

with a power greater than the

earth‘s law – a power which would

shoot him right out of that law into

a new dimension.

In the same way, the resurrection of

Jesus Christ is the power which

―rockets‖ us out of the law of sin

and death, and brings us into a new

dimension—a dimension where the

Spirit of life is now the law for

power which operates in our lives.

Following the resurrection, Jesus

told His disciples “I am going to

send you what my Father has prom-

ised...” He sent the Holy Spirit to

do the parenting work to bring us to

maturity. The Spirit lives on the in-

side, working everyday to cause the

salvation we have received, to be

worked out into every area of our

lives. The Holy Spirit is the guaran-

tee that the Gospel works. He acts

as a witness that we have been born

into God‘s family. When Christ

died on the Cross, He released us

from the old way of effort. We now

live the Christian life in ―the new

way of the Holy Spirit.‖

The Holy Spirit is called the ―Spirit

of grace‖. Grace is the total empo-

wering of the Holy Spirit, and it is

the key to the whole Gospel. It is

the Holy Spirit—the Spirit of

grace—who makes the Gospel an

inner reality in every individual not

an outer knowledge.

The Marriage

Covenant

The moment we say ―I do‖ we en-

ter into a covenant relationship

with our marriage partner and with

God. Just like the 10 Command-

ments given to Moses, these ―Ten

Commandments of Marriage‖ will

act as a diagnostician, probing and

revealing the unhealthy aspects of

your marital relationship. Let us

consider this a code of life, the ba-

sis on how to govern our actions as

a married couple. The strength of

this relationship will depend on its

foundation which is LOVE.

If each partner will try to obey and

fulfill all the ten, they will be able

to achieve their goals---to love and

to cherish, till death do us part. But

do you really think it is humanly

possible to follow all the ―I shall‖

and the ―don‘ts‖ and ―dos?‖

As Paul is saying we have this hu-

man nature, which is always op-

posed to God. But the whole Chris-

tian life is moving toward one spe-

cial goal: the likeness of Christ

Himself. The focus of our lives is

very important. The Gospel was

specifically designed to change our

focus from ourselves to God. We

have been raised with Christ, yet so

many married couples have their

eyes still fixed to the ground. They

have returned to the old focus of

self-effort. Self-effort cannot do

anything to change you in God‘s

sight, even if you do succeed to

change some of your behavior, your

most serious problem—self depen-

dence—has not changed. Faith

changes our focus from self to God.

Instead of fixing our eyes on the

problems, we must focus on the

Lord Himself and our faith then re-

leases God‘s grace to begin the ac-

tual work of change in our lives. It

is important that a married couple

be born again in the renewal of their

mind, and be willing to allow the

Holy Spirit to coach them to follow

whatever principles that they learn

from the Bible or from any books

that they read. It is almost impossi-

ble to work on a relationship if Chr-

ist is not the Lord of their lives.

As the Holy Spirit reveals an area of

our life which still conforms to our

old self, we are to put off the old

self and put on the new self. This,

however, is a decision in grace, not

a decision in self-effort. It happens

through a renewing of our mind. As

the Holy Spirit reveals the truth of

the Gospel, He conforms our think-

ing to the truth of His Word.

Salvation covers everything, spirit

soul and body. God saved us; He is

saving us and will continue saving

us in the future. He is the hope of

our marital relationship. He is a

part of our marriage covenant. He

is the mediator of the covenant we

entered into with our marriage part-

ner. He puts the law of our vows in

our minds and through the Holy

Sprit‘s power the moment it sinks

deep in our hearts, He imparts the

POWER to fulfill our sacred vows

to one another.

This is what I am trying to achieve

in this article, ―The Ten Com-

mandments of God for Marriage,‖

that as the Holy Spirit reveals the

areas of your life that needs to be

changed and eventually like a tree

you will grow into maturity and

your frame of mind will change.

Your heart will be like the heart of

Jesus who can love unconditionally,

and once you have changed that

heart of stone into a heart of flesh,

you will have the nature and wis-

dom of God, no longer the wisdom

of the world. And as you unite

yourself with Christ‘s sufferings,

you will experience the depths of

suffering which genuinely consoles

and encourages those who are suf-

fering.

To be like Christ means to be like

Him in attitude and motivation, in

the way He would act and react to

people. Christ‘s response to people

and their problems was very differ-

ent from our response to others.

Adam in the Garden of Eden chose

to partake from the Tree of the

Knowledge of Good and Evil in-

stead of the Tree of Life which

represented the life of God Himself.

It offered the highest expression of

life—God‘s love, wisdom and pow-

er. It imparted the fullness of God‘s

nature. There was no wisdom in the

Tree of Knowledge of Good and

Evil; it was just the knowledge be-

tween right and wrong. Without the

full complement of God‘s nature,

the knowledge of good and evil is

the most destructive thing in this

world. Every argument, every di-

vorce, every war has been started

because of this ability to judge be-

tween right and wrong. Every per-

son in every argument believes that

they are right and that the other per-

son is wrong, if they didn‘t, they

wouldn‘t fight.

The warning label on the Tree of

the Knowledge of Good and Evil is

exactly the same today. The know-

ledge of right and wrong without

the ‗Wisdom‖ of God is futile.

“Once you were alienated from

God and were enemies in your

minds because of your evil beha-

vior. But now He has reconciled

you by Christ’s physical body

through death to present you holy in

His sight, without blemish and free

from accusation.” (Colossians 1:21-

22)

Through the blood of Christ, shed

on the Cross, we now have peace

with God. Another way of saying

this is that we have been ―justified‖

by His blood. Justification means

that all of the court records in hea-

ven that were against us have been

wiped clean. We no longer have a

record. There is no longer any

judgment hanging over our heads.

All the records of our past hurts

with our spouse can be wiped out,

by the power of the Resurrection of

Christ through the Holy Spirit‘s in-

tervention.

How can we deal with the imperfec-

tions, flaws, and sins that take with-

in our marriage? The operative

word has to be ―Forgiveness.‖

We need to cultivate a lifestyle of

forgiveness, and unconditionally.

Relationship is number one problem

of our society.

We need a supreme power working

within us to be able to submit to one

another. There is hope because God

is giving us opportunities to move

forward in life and He desires that

we grow and reach our potentials.

Anytime you try to step forward,

the enemy will try to bring opposi-

tion and adversity against you. But

remain standing on your ground and

keep doing what you know is right.

Keep on praying, reading the Bible,

going to church and walking in love

and forgiveness. Follow the exam-

ples of Jesus and let your words and

actions bring life to those around

you, your spouse and kids. Focus

more on loving than proving our

point. As you honor one another

and lay your own opinions aside,

you‘ll discover a level of peace, and

rest you‘ve never experienced be-

fore. Alleluia!