GETTING THRU CONFLICT

Living Well Despite the Challenges

A project of Southern University at New Orleans

Universities Rebuilding America Partnerships US Department of Housing amp Urban Development

George Amedee Ph D Project Director

AuthorsJulianna Padgett PhD LCSWHarry J Doughty MSW GSW

Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict alternatives to passive or aggressive responses alternatives to violence

Dorothy Thompson

Stress Traumaamp Conflict

Stress of any kind can change our relationships to ourselves and those around us

Depending on our personality we may become more passive or more aggressive

Either way may lead to hurting ourselves or others

IMPORTANTAnger is normal but hurting ourselves and each other isnrsquot

There are productive ways to express anger

find solutions to problems and

have better relationships

Two Ways to Handle Conflict

As adversaries which sees each

other as the problem andfocuses on our differences and can result in

Tension Anxiety Sour relationships Low productivity No solutions Health problems

Two Ways to Handle Conflict

Cooperatively whichpromotes understanding ofdifferences amp focuseson our common ground and can result in

RelaxationFriendlinessGood relationshipsAchievementEmpowermentSolutions

Clues to Cooperative Conflict

accept conflict as normal and

nothing to be afraid of

be alert to early signs of discomfort

understand your own feelings and be able to express them

listen

be open to new solutions

forgive yourself and others

believe that conflict can be resolved

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

Within Your Family Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and differences

within your family

From Search for Common Ground Conversation about Conflict

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

At Work Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and

differences at your workplace

Conflict is a natural part of lifeConflict is everywhere it is a normal part of life and every relationship

Conflict is neither good nor bad Conflict does not have to result in winners and losers

Conflict offers a choiceAlthough there is not an easy answer to all problemsthere is always a choice

Dealing with conflict can be learned and practicedChoosing to deal with conflict through a cooperative approach requires a commitment to rise above automatic responses and the courage to step into the unknown It is a muscle we can build a question of attitude experience and learning from each other

Conflict is Inevitable

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is itDiscomfort Are you mulling over the situation because it is not sitting quite right with you What are your feelings and thoughts about it So far have you said very little about it

Incident Can you point to one or several specific occasions in which you clashed on this subject What was said that was upsetting

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Misunderstanding Do you believe the other person has misinterpreted your feelings motives or responsibilities How Could you be misinterpreting the other personrsquos How

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Tension Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of himher In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict alternatives to passive or aggressive responses alternatives to violence

Dorothy Thompson

Stress Traumaamp Conflict

Stress of any kind can change our relationships to ourselves and those around us

Depending on our personality we may become more passive or more aggressive

Either way may lead to hurting ourselves or others

IMPORTANTAnger is normal but hurting ourselves and each other isnrsquot

There are productive ways to express anger

find solutions to problems and

have better relationships

Two Ways to Handle Conflict

As adversaries which sees each

other as the problem andfocuses on our differences and can result in

Tension Anxiety Sour relationships Low productivity No solutions Health problems

Two Ways to Handle Conflict

Cooperatively whichpromotes understanding ofdifferences amp focuseson our common ground and can result in

RelaxationFriendlinessGood relationshipsAchievementEmpowermentSolutions

Clues to Cooperative Conflict

accept conflict as normal and

nothing to be afraid of

be alert to early signs of discomfort

understand your own feelings and be able to express them

listen

be open to new solutions

forgive yourself and others

believe that conflict can be resolved

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

Within Your Family Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and differences

within your family

From Search for Common Ground Conversation about Conflict

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

At Work Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and

differences at your workplace

Conflict is a natural part of lifeConflict is everywhere it is a normal part of life and every relationship

Conflict is neither good nor bad Conflict does not have to result in winners and losers

Conflict offers a choiceAlthough there is not an easy answer to all problemsthere is always a choice

Dealing with conflict can be learned and practicedChoosing to deal with conflict through a cooperative approach requires a commitment to rise above automatic responses and the courage to step into the unknown It is a muscle we can build a question of attitude experience and learning from each other

Conflict is Inevitable

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is itDiscomfort Are you mulling over the situation because it is not sitting quite right with you What are your feelings and thoughts about it So far have you said very little about it

Incident Can you point to one or several specific occasions in which you clashed on this subject What was said that was upsetting

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Misunderstanding Do you believe the other person has misinterpreted your feelings motives or responsibilities How Could you be misinterpreting the other personrsquos How

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Tension Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of himher In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Stress Traumaamp Conflict

Stress of any kind can change our relationships to ourselves and those around us

Depending on our personality we may become more passive or more aggressive

Either way may lead to hurting ourselves or others

IMPORTANTAnger is normal but hurting ourselves and each other isnrsquot

There are productive ways to express anger

find solutions to problems and

have better relationships

Two Ways to Handle Conflict

As adversaries which sees each

other as the problem andfocuses on our differences and can result in

Tension Anxiety Sour relationships Low productivity No solutions Health problems

Two Ways to Handle Conflict

Cooperatively whichpromotes understanding ofdifferences amp focuseson our common ground and can result in

RelaxationFriendlinessGood relationshipsAchievementEmpowermentSolutions

Clues to Cooperative Conflict

accept conflict as normal and

nothing to be afraid of

be alert to early signs of discomfort

understand your own feelings and be able to express them

listen

be open to new solutions

forgive yourself and others

believe that conflict can be resolved

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

Within Your Family Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and differences

within your family

From Search for Common Ground Conversation about Conflict

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

At Work Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and

differences at your workplace

Conflict is a natural part of lifeConflict is everywhere it is a normal part of life and every relationship

Conflict is neither good nor bad Conflict does not have to result in winners and losers

Conflict offers a choiceAlthough there is not an easy answer to all problemsthere is always a choice

Dealing with conflict can be learned and practicedChoosing to deal with conflict through a cooperative approach requires a commitment to rise above automatic responses and the courage to step into the unknown It is a muscle we can build a question of attitude experience and learning from each other

Conflict is Inevitable

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is itDiscomfort Are you mulling over the situation because it is not sitting quite right with you What are your feelings and thoughts about it So far have you said very little about it

Incident Can you point to one or several specific occasions in which you clashed on this subject What was said that was upsetting

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Misunderstanding Do you believe the other person has misinterpreted your feelings motives or responsibilities How Could you be misinterpreting the other personrsquos How

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Tension Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of himher In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Two Ways to Handle Conflict

As adversaries which sees each

other as the problem andfocuses on our differences and can result in

Tension Anxiety Sour relationships Low productivity No solutions Health problems

Two Ways to Handle Conflict

Cooperatively whichpromotes understanding ofdifferences amp focuseson our common ground and can result in

RelaxationFriendlinessGood relationshipsAchievementEmpowermentSolutions

Clues to Cooperative Conflict

accept conflict as normal and

nothing to be afraid of

be alert to early signs of discomfort

understand your own feelings and be able to express them

listen

be open to new solutions

forgive yourself and others

believe that conflict can be resolved

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

Within Your Family Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and differences

within your family

From Search for Common Ground Conversation about Conflict

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

At Work Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and

differences at your workplace

Conflict is a natural part of lifeConflict is everywhere it is a normal part of life and every relationship

Conflict is neither good nor bad Conflict does not have to result in winners and losers

Conflict offers a choiceAlthough there is not an easy answer to all problemsthere is always a choice

Dealing with conflict can be learned and practicedChoosing to deal with conflict through a cooperative approach requires a commitment to rise above automatic responses and the courage to step into the unknown It is a muscle we can build a question of attitude experience and learning from each other

Conflict is Inevitable

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is itDiscomfort Are you mulling over the situation because it is not sitting quite right with you What are your feelings and thoughts about it So far have you said very little about it

Incident Can you point to one or several specific occasions in which you clashed on this subject What was said that was upsetting

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Misunderstanding Do you believe the other person has misinterpreted your feelings motives or responsibilities How Could you be misinterpreting the other personrsquos How

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Tension Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of himher In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Two Ways to Handle Conflict

Cooperatively whichpromotes understanding ofdifferences amp focuseson our common ground and can result in

RelaxationFriendlinessGood relationshipsAchievementEmpowermentSolutions

Clues to Cooperative Conflict

accept conflict as normal and

nothing to be afraid of

be alert to early signs of discomfort

understand your own feelings and be able to express them

listen

be open to new solutions

forgive yourself and others

believe that conflict can be resolved

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

Within Your Family Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and differences

within your family

From Search for Common Ground Conversation about Conflict

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

At Work Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and

differences at your workplace

Conflict is a natural part of lifeConflict is everywhere it is a normal part of life and every relationship

Conflict is neither good nor bad Conflict does not have to result in winners and losers

Conflict offers a choiceAlthough there is not an easy answer to all problemsthere is always a choice

Dealing with conflict can be learned and practicedChoosing to deal with conflict through a cooperative approach requires a commitment to rise above automatic responses and the courage to step into the unknown It is a muscle we can build a question of attitude experience and learning from each other

Conflict is Inevitable

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is itDiscomfort Are you mulling over the situation because it is not sitting quite right with you What are your feelings and thoughts about it So far have you said very little about it

Incident Can you point to one or several specific occasions in which you clashed on this subject What was said that was upsetting

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Misunderstanding Do you believe the other person has misinterpreted your feelings motives or responsibilities How Could you be misinterpreting the other personrsquos How

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Tension Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of himher In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Clues to Cooperative Conflict

accept conflict as normal and

nothing to be afraid of

be alert to early signs of discomfort

understand your own feelings and be able to express them

listen

be open to new solutions

forgive yourself and others

believe that conflict can be resolved

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

Within Your Family Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and differences

within your family

From Search for Common Ground Conversation about Conflict

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

At Work Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and

differences at your workplace

Conflict is a natural part of lifeConflict is everywhere it is a normal part of life and every relationship

Conflict is neither good nor bad Conflict does not have to result in winners and losers

Conflict offers a choiceAlthough there is not an easy answer to all problemsthere is always a choice

Dealing with conflict can be learned and practicedChoosing to deal with conflict through a cooperative approach requires a commitment to rise above automatic responses and the courage to step into the unknown It is a muscle we can build a question of attitude experience and learning from each other

Conflict is Inevitable

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is itDiscomfort Are you mulling over the situation because it is not sitting quite right with you What are your feelings and thoughts about it So far have you said very little about it

Incident Can you point to one or several specific occasions in which you clashed on this subject What was said that was upsetting

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Misunderstanding Do you believe the other person has misinterpreted your feelings motives or responsibilities How Could you be misinterpreting the other personrsquos How

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Tension Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of himher In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

Within Your Family Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and differences

within your family

From Search for Common Ground Conversation about Conflict

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

At Work Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and

differences at your workplace

Conflict is a natural part of lifeConflict is everywhere it is a normal part of life and every relationship

Conflict is neither good nor bad Conflict does not have to result in winners and losers

Conflict offers a choiceAlthough there is not an easy answer to all problemsthere is always a choice

Dealing with conflict can be learned and practicedChoosing to deal with conflict through a cooperative approach requires a commitment to rise above automatic responses and the courage to step into the unknown It is a muscle we can build a question of attitude experience and learning from each other

Conflict is Inevitable

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is itDiscomfort Are you mulling over the situation because it is not sitting quite right with you What are your feelings and thoughts about it So far have you said very little about it

Incident Can you point to one or several specific occasions in which you clashed on this subject What was said that was upsetting

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Misunderstanding Do you believe the other person has misinterpreted your feelings motives or responsibilities How Could you be misinterpreting the other personrsquos How

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Tension Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of himher In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

How do you deal with conflict 0 being lsquoalmost always NOrsquo - 5 being lsquoalmost always YESrsquo

At Work Question 1 Is it easy for you to raise an issue or disagree hellip

0 1 2 3 4 5

Question2 When in conflict can you share your feelings especially angerhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 3 Do you deal with the ldquorealrdquo issue and find resolutionhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

Question 4 Is everyonersquos voice heard and respectedhellip0 1 2 3 4 5

And to think about

What would it take to create a safe or comfortable space for conflicts and

differences at your workplace

Conflict is a natural part of lifeConflict is everywhere it is a normal part of life and every relationship

Conflict is neither good nor bad Conflict does not have to result in winners and losers

Conflict offers a choiceAlthough there is not an easy answer to all problemsthere is always a choice

Dealing with conflict can be learned and practicedChoosing to deal with conflict through a cooperative approach requires a commitment to rise above automatic responses and the courage to step into the unknown It is a muscle we can build a question of attitude experience and learning from each other

Conflict is Inevitable

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is itDiscomfort Are you mulling over the situation because it is not sitting quite right with you What are your feelings and thoughts about it So far have you said very little about it

Incident Can you point to one or several specific occasions in which you clashed on this subject What was said that was upsetting

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Misunderstanding Do you believe the other person has misinterpreted your feelings motives or responsibilities How Could you be misinterpreting the other personrsquos How

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Tension Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of himher In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Conflict is a natural part of lifeConflict is everywhere it is a normal part of life and every relationship

Conflict is neither good nor bad Conflict does not have to result in winners and losers

Conflict offers a choiceAlthough there is not an easy answer to all problemsthere is always a choice

Dealing with conflict can be learned and practicedChoosing to deal with conflict through a cooperative approach requires a commitment to rise above automatic responses and the courage to step into the unknown It is a muscle we can build a question of attitude experience and learning from each other

Conflict is Inevitable

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is itDiscomfort Are you mulling over the situation because it is not sitting quite right with you What are your feelings and thoughts about it So far have you said very little about it

Incident Can you point to one or several specific occasions in which you clashed on this subject What was said that was upsetting

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Misunderstanding Do you believe the other person has misinterpreted your feelings motives or responsibilities How Could you be misinterpreting the other personrsquos How

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Tension Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of himher In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is itDiscomfort Are you mulling over the situation because it is not sitting quite right with you What are your feelings and thoughts about it So far have you said very little about it

Incident Can you point to one or several specific occasions in which you clashed on this subject What was said that was upsetting

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Misunderstanding Do you believe the other person has misinterpreted your feelings motives or responsibilities How Could you be misinterpreting the other personrsquos How

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Tension Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of himher In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Incident Can you point to one or several specific occasions in which you clashed on this subject What was said that was upsetting

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Misunderstanding Do you believe the other person has misinterpreted your feelings motives or responsibilities How Could you be misinterpreting the other personrsquos How

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Tension Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of himher In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Misunderstanding Do you believe the other person has misinterpreted your feelings motives or responsibilities How Could you be misinterpreting the other personrsquos How

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Tension Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of himher In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Tension Do you now hold a negative stance towards this person Does each new interaction confirm your poor opinion of himher In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Crisis Has a major explosion occurred Were extreme measures threatened What Were extreme measures executed What Was the outcome constructive or destructive In what ways

Recognizing Levels of ConflictChoose a recent conflict involving you It could be anything from a minor discomfort to a huge crisis What level of conflict is it

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

80 of conflicts can be solved by attentive concerned listening

Listen until a new understanding an new acceptance or a creative solution arises

Source Educators for Social Responsibility

To De-escalate Conflict First Listen

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Know that anger might be on top but there are other feelings below the surface

We see the top of the iceberg and react to it Often whatrsquos on top is a personrsquos anger

Beneath the surface are all the other driving emotions and real needs desire to be respected or loved is the biggest need

To resolve a conflict we must go below the surface

We go below the surface by listening and being willing to understand

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

F

IND

WORDS

Find words for your feelings Understand clearly what you are feeling and which of your basic needs is being frustrated

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

IDENTIFY

Identify your anger triggers What are those things that you know make you angry that you may be sensitive about that bring on feelings you donrsquot really understand yourself

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

COOL

DOWN

Learn reducers to cool down If something triggers your anger donrsquot respond immediately Instead count to ten before you speak walk away for a few minutes think about what is happening to you and why Breathe Find what works for you

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipR

ESPONSIBILITY

Take responsibility for your behavior Admit if you did something wrong donrsquot blame anyone else Remember no one can make you feel or act the way you do Itrsquos your choice

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellipCOMMUNICATE

Communicate Say what you are you feeling and why you are feeling it Donrsquot shut down Do it without blaming the other person for your feelings

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

LISTEN

Listen Listen Carefully listen to what the other person is saying Donrsquot interrupt And listen again

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

IF YOU ARE ANGRYhellipshifthellip

REFLECT

Reflect on how yoursquore dealing with anger Understand that we most often learn how to deal with anger from our childhood Think about what you learned Consider what is good about how you manage anger and what yoursquod like to change

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

When the other person is angry

listenhellip First defuse Acknowledge that yoursquore willing to listen Help the person

clearly say what the problem is Then problem solve (if appropriate) What are ways that could

change the situation It helps if you can keep the people and the problem separate

Listen attentively Pay attention paraphrase encourage reflect feelings Be assertive but not defensive Breathe and keep focused on the

other personrsquos feelings and needs You can clearly state what you did or what yoursquore willing to do but be gently assertive not defensive

Restate content and reflect feelings Let them know that you are really listening by telling them what you heard them say

Encourage speaker Use verbal and non-verbal indications that yoursquore willing to listen These include things like head nods eye contact and ldquoyes I understandrdquo

Ask questions Clarify what you donrsquot understand

Exception If someone is abusing you verbally emotionally or physically do not continue to engage in this process Stand up for yourself Physically leave as soon as you can

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

How to Listen for Understanding

First Just Listen Second Paraphrase content and reflect feelings ldquoIf I heard you correctly (state content and reflect feelings)

For example to paraphrase you might say something like ldquoSo you believe strongly _________rdquo ldquoYou were unhappy when she ______ rdquo ldquoThe way you see it is _______ rdquo

Third Ask ldquoDid I get it rightrdquo Then If yes great If no ask ldquoWhat didnrsquot I get rightrdquo Listen and paraphrase again until there is understanding

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

How to be Assertive not

Aggressive

Describe the situation or idea as clearly and specifically as you can

Express how you feel about the situation Use I or Myrdquo statements to make clear

your feeling and thinking

Specify what you want Include a specific deadline

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

1) Reason With Yourself

How you interpret and explain a situation determines whether you will feel angry or not Put yourself in a personal ldquohot spotrdquo (ie go stand in the longest line at the grocery store) and ask yourself the following three (3) questions

1048766 Is this really important enough to get angry about 1048766 Am I justified in getting angry 1048766 Will getting angry make a difference

2) Defuse Anger in Relationships

1048766 State your observations about the problem(s) 1048766 State what you think what you are feeling and what you

want

From University of Nevada Reno Student Health Center

Anger Reducers

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

More Anger Reducers

3) Cool Off

Breathe Withdraw Exercise Laugh at yourself Distract yourself

4) Stay in the present

The best clue that anger may be coming from old resentments is when a ldquoten-centrdquo provocation triggers a ldquoten-dollarrdquo response

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

More Anger Reducers

5) Practice Empathy Reframe the situation by trying to see things from the other personrsquos point of view

6) Help Others Anger and hostility cut you off from the people around you It makes you feel apart from-rather than a part of-the larger human community Volunteering helps fight the isolation that fosters anger

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Anger Reducers

7) Let it Go

The following questions can help you evaluate whether aparticular resentment is worth keeping Ask yourself

Do I use my anger as a way of feeling more powerful or in control

Does my anger help me avoid communicating

Do I use my anger to punish others or make them feel guilty

Do I use my anger to cover other feelings that I am trying to avoid

What do I gain by staying angry What do I gain by giving up my anger

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

DONrsquoT

A short list of ways to block your communication amp Badger with attack questions Threaten Make arbitrary demands or commends Moralizelecturecriticizeshow contempt Blameaccuse Give advice Discount or dismiss what is being said Use sarcasm Stonewall

A short list of ways to block your communication amp escalate conflict

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

Commit to Increasing Peace

In the midst of stress try and relax Breathe It will help you listen more

respectfully to everybody and yourself Be aware of your own needs ndash take

responsibility for meeting them Communicate without blaming others Bring out the best in others and in

yourself Do one good thing for yourself everyday

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

We each make a difference hellip

We are all interdependent and Irsquoll only be safe when others are safe too

When we are more aware of the way we deal with our conflicts we can choose and commit to dealing with them in a way that brings growth and mutual understanding

Change takes place one person at a time until it touches us all and becomes the norm

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9

THE END

Edited by Stephanie Jordan Project Coordinator

SUNO-URAP May 2009

• Slide 9