getting over a broken heart is never easy

8/11/2019 Getting Over a Broken Heart is Never Easy

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25/03/2012 21:19:00

Getting over a broken heart is never easy, especially in the social

networking age, when photos of you an your e! in happier ti"es re"ain

plastere on your friens# $acebook pages% &orse, recent research

suggests that ro"antic re'ection can cause physical pain in a way that noother negative e"otion((not even anger or fear((can%

)ut it#s actually goo to go through the insane espair an bouts of

enless tears that result fro" being u"pe, contens bestselling author

an relationship e!pert *usan +iver% &e shoul e"brace these feelings

rather than run fro" the", she argues in her book, The Wisdom of a

Broken Heart% -s unlikely as it "ay soun, this sorrow is the gateway to

lasting happiness, she writes, speaking of her own two(year e!perience

recovering fro" heartbreak% +iver an other e!perts escribe ways to

rie through those uninvite waves of grief%

1. Make friends with your heartbreak. .ou "ay be te"pte to

try an forge past it, nu"bing the pain with reboun se! or a ate with a

gallon of ice crea"% r you "ay haren your heart an swear off all

future relationships% )ut that#s the cowarly approach, an one that won#t

serve you well in the long run% t takes a lot of courage to be sa, says

+iver, but a fantastic life is not one that is placily happy% &ith grieving

co"es increase awareness: of what#s truly i"portant to you who" you

love who loves you% f course, no one wants to feel that way, "yself

inclue, +iver as, but if you allow the saness to teach you, it

actually will resolve faster than any effort to fight it%


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2. Deal appropriately with negative thoughts. 4eitation is a

great way to uiet the "in an help eal with the tenency to beat

yourself up for things going wrong, says +iver, a practicing )uhist%

-nother approach when negative thoughts are running enlessly throughyour "in is to get up an o so"ething else% 6ake a walk or call

so"eone who#s having ifficulty an try to think of the" instea of

yourself, says +iver% .ou can also try e!a"ining your thoughts fro" a

istance% 7et the" 'ust rush in, like a strea" rushing by, +iver

reco""ens% $eel your feelings without telling yourself a story about

the"% &hen +iver was at the lowest point of her heartbreak, she took

her saness to "ean that she# never feel happy again, ha no chance of

"eeting anyone, an even if she i "eet so"eone, she# probably win

up being a total 'erk an wo"an(hater% 6hese thoughts 'ust plunge her

eeper into prolonge saness% *i"ply acknowleging to yourself what

you#re feeling 8hopelessness, espair, fear without rawing any

conclusions fro" those feelings, she says, will allow your "in to process

the grief "ore uickly an return to a "ore balance state%

*ee: ow .our +ersonality -ffects .our ealth

3. Turn up the radio. *cience suggests that "usic has a

therapeutic effect% 8;o, not that breakup albu" with the sa, lovesick

songs% )lare so"e of your favorite, feel(goo tunes: 7istening to the"

can trigger the release of enorphins, lifting your spirits an co"bating

stress%

4. Know the difference between grief and depression. 6here is

often a fine line between the two, an nor"al heartbreak can so"eti"es

transfor" into full(blown epression% ow to tell the ifference< n

epression, nothing see"s to "atter, +iver writes, whereas with saness,

everything oes% - telltale sign that epression is setting in is that you

ru"inate nonstop about the breakup, an you cannot stop your "infro" tor"enting you with very painful thoughts, +iver says%
http://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/heart/slideshows/how-your-personality-affects-your-healthhttp://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/heart/slideshows/how-your-personality-affects-your-health


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. !eel so"e kindness toward your e#. 6he "ost potent step

you can take in your own healing, +iver writes, is to e!ten loving

kinness to your e!% -lthough that see"s counterintuitive an ne!t to

i"possible, the process of e!tening your heart to so"eone who" youhave no intention of loving ever again, she says, can actually bring

feelings of stability an peace to your inner "in% .ou on#t nee to

forgive or forget your e!#s past transgressions or stay in touch% 8n fact,

+iver says it#s a goo iea to e(frien hi" on $acebook to keep fro"

obsessing about his every "ove% .our focus shoul be on letting go of

anger% +iver reco""ens sitting in a uiet, co"fortable place an

spening a few "inutes wishing yourself well(("ay be happy, healthy,

peaceful, accepting of "yself((before wishing your e! the sa"e%

=e"e"ber that no "atter how baly he treate you, he has the sa"e

longing as you: to fin love an be happy%

*ee: *top >"otional >ating &ith 6hese 5 6ips

$. %rite the story of your relationship.?o it fro" the thir(

person point of view in three ifferent writing sessions% $irst, tell about

how this wo"an "et this "an an how they fell in love% 6hen write about

the love story an how it starte going south% $inally, tell the story of the

breakup: *he sai this he i that% @ust taking that step back an

looking at your circu"stance as if you were escribing so"eone else "ay

soun silly, but it helps you bring a very valuable perspective, says +iver%

-n it also helps you look at your story fro" the stance of so"eone

who#s A instea of so"eone who#s e"broile in agony% .ou "ight also

gain so"e valuable revelations: what you "iss about the relationship an

what you on#t%

&. 'teer clear of the self(help section.)ookstore shelves are

cra""e with books that say, 6his is your fault% .ou create this

situation by the way you thought, or by carrying forwar chilhoowouns, +iver says% )ut that#s not true% ?on#t try to co"e up with

reasons on why it happene an how to prevent it fro" happening again%

-llow yourself to feelheartbreak((that#s what actually gets us over it%

). *ive love. +erhaps at no other ti"e than post(breakup o we

want love so "uch, +iver says% )ut instea of esperately searching, give

love, to anyone, in any situation% 6here#s always a chance of loving,

+iver says% 6hat is how you balance the sorrow an rage fro" the

heartbreak you#re ealing with((by giving love to whatever situation orperson you are interacting with% 6hat is the secret%
http://health.usnews.com/health-news/diet-fitness/diet/slideshows/stop-emotional-eating-with-these-5-tipshttp://health.usnews.com/health-news/diet-fitness/diet/slideshows/stop-emotional-eating-with-these-5-tips


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getting over a broken heart is never easy

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