GETTING OUT OF THE HOLE:  

How To Cope With Disappointment and Regret

The Deep Dark Hole……

My life has not worked out as it should have, I’ve basically blown it and there is no way back…

Why didn’t God make me more “X” - Smarter, stronger, wiser, more talented, wealthy……

How come everything has changed around me and I am now stuck, useless, and irrelevant….

The Blame Game

It’s ALL the fault of: my parents, my childhood, my ex-wife, my teachers, society, the government, my asthma, my back pain, technology, alien abduction, demons, Satan, false teaching, the End Times, conspiracies, injustice, a fallen world, God who went to sleep on me, the Church, the pastor, the police, the court system, discrimination, the economy, lack of opportunity, attitudes toward men, fate or even “predestination”.

These are FACTORS and not final causes.

Things are not final, are not forever and are rarely focused on you personally

Joseph

Sold into slavery by his own brothers In prison on false sexual harassment charges Could have played the blame game Instead saw it as part of God’s plan Used the circumstances to grow personally

and assumed responsibility and developed skills both in Potiphar’s house and in prison.

Once promoted Joseph stayed in power because he had a highly developed set of leadership skills.

Realistic Expectations

It is impossible to be always successful in this unreliable world. Therefore the focus should not be on "always being successful" (with all the baggage of regret and disappointment that expectation creates) but instead our expectation should be to work with the much more possible goals of faithfulness and spirituality.

The Speck and The Log

We feel “ripped off” when things don’t work out but some disappointment is just hyper-criticism in disguise.

"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. (Matthew 7:1-5)

Forgive

God – for “messing up your life”, Job had to do this

Church – for pain and neglect Self – for all your sin, folly and mistakes,

after all it’s on the Cross! Others – for hurts both real and imaginary “The World” – for not treating you as you

would have liked to be treated.

Be Thankful!

See that no one pays back evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue that which is good, both for one another and for all. Rejoice always! Pray without ceasing! In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

(1 Thessalonians 5:15-18)

Two Rules

STOP DOING – that which is not working out for you no matter how good, virtuous, noble or compulsory you think it is because you are just living “under the Law” in such cases. (Of course also stop doing any really dumb stuff). First say “NO” which gives you room to say “YES”

DO A LOT MORE OF – that which is working for you and is making you godly, successful, wiser, more peaceful, happier and so on. Follow the Holy Spirit.

Most people will find that about 50% of their life is composed of things that are NOT working for them.

Ditch The Scoreboard!

Most Christian men are mentally keeping score of life, success and so on. They also keep score of their embarrassing failures.

We live by GRACE and not by the imaginary scoreboard.

The score got set to INFINITY at the Cross and its staying there!

We live by faith and not by “brownie points” or by gold stars.

Look At Nature

God makes BOTH giraffes and hummingbirds. It is silly for the giraffe to worry that it cannot fly or for the hummingbird to worry about its small size.

God makes sharks, tuna, trout and tiny reef fish. Its Ok to be a medium-sized fish if God made you to be a medium-sized fish. They have their place in the ecosystem as well.

Its OK to be a bible teacher and not an evangelist or to be a layman and not a pastor.

Certain roles are given by God and we just need to accept that.

Put The Past Behind You…

The future can only be built upon the present Regrets are paralyzing and are NEVER from God Fantasies are the stuff of fools and only lead to poverty Guilt and regrets are lies that devastate our self-esteem

and cause us to create foolish fantasies as a means of inner compensation, and those fantasies destroy us.

Put the past on the Cross and into the deepest ocean Let go of all need to compensate for past failure and

accept where you are at (for now) so you can start to build upon it.

Don’t imagine that the Tooth Fairy is going to give you a million dollars to make up for your terrible childhood.

Stop Fighting God!

Job, Jacob, David, Moses and Paul all had to stop fighting God (in different ways)

You have no valid case against God (Job) You cannot wrestle God to make Him do

what you want and bless you. (Jacob) You cannot blame God for all the

wickedness and attacks against you. (David)

You cannot resist God’s call on your life (Moses)

You cannot fight the revealed truth in your conscience (Paul)

Understand The Master Plan

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Because whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; and whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.

(Romans 8:28-30)

Build A Team To Help You!

Most people cannot get out of the hole alone.

Most guys are so prideful they insist on doing it themselves, the hard way.

Team Members: God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit), your wife and kids, parents, positive faith-filled friends, work colleagues, other experts in your field, an accountant, your pastor and local church, even angels.

Draw up a plan and tell people their part in the plan so they know exactly how you want to be helped.

Building God’s Kingdom - Digitally

21615 Berendo Ave. (Ste. 400)Torrance, CA 90502 USA

+1-310-844-6948 (Google Voice)johned@cybermissions.org (Email)

@Cybermissions (Twitter)

Cybermissions Prayer List, just send a blank email to:Cybermissions-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

www.cybermissions.orgwww.globalchristians.orgwww.newtestamentprayer.comwww.biblicaleq.com