A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words

Kyle Gervais CMS 332 11-20-11

What Family Is “Networks of people who share their lives over long periods of time bound by ties of marriage, blood, law, or commitment, legal or otherwise, who consider themselves as family and who share a significant history and anticipated future of functioning as a family” (8).

Family Type I come from a two-parent biological family, the type of family from which both of my parents come from as well

This type of family “consists of parents and the children who are from the union of these parents” (9).

Communication Patterns and Family Functions

“Communication provides form and content to a family’s life as members engage in family-related functions….a function is simply something a system must do…in order to avoid a breakdown” (29-30).

The three dimensions of the circumplex model of marital and family systems are cohesion, adaptability and communication.

Cohesion and Adaptability Concerning the four levels of cohesion,

my family would be considered cohesive, where “family members strive for emotional closeness, loyalty, and togetherness with an emphasis on some individuality” (31). We love each other and are there for each other but also have our own, very separate lives.

As far as adaptability, or “how family systems manage stability and change” (32), I would call my family flexible. We are able to “experience high levels of change, shared decision making, and shifting rules and roles” (32). In 1997, we moved from Fort Kent, where all of my mom’s side was living, down to Saco, closer to my dad’s side, which resulted in a big shift socially and financially, but which we were successfully able to adapt to.

Family Themes

The theme that my family has taken for itself is that “You can always depend on family.” After the move, we were not as close to my grandparents (my mom’s parents) who were a major part of my upbringing, as well as my brother and sister’s, but they still visit us at least once every two months, and we make individual trips up north once a year. My dad’s side of the family is also there for us whenever we need support, and we are there for them. If anything were to go wrong for any of us, we know that we would be able to rely on members of the family, from whatever side, to help.

Rules My immediate family is very relaxed as far as rules go. When I was younger, a few of

my friend’s parents thought that mine were giving my too much freedom (which is funny, because I thought I was being sheltered compared to other friends). Through high school, and afterwards when we were still living at home, the children of the family were required to be home by a certain time (usually midnight) and call if we were going to be any later or if plans changed. Because this seemed totally reasonable, we followed the rules and rarely got into trouble or found ourselves grounded.

As far as language is concerned, nothing is off limits and I have said some of the most vulgar things ever spoken in the company of my parents and never gotten into trouble. We all swear like sailors. We are also aware though, that when we are in the company of others, or even members of our extended family, that we need to keep it clean.

Rituals “Rituals convey a variety of meanings and messages in emotionally powerful

patterns; they remind members of who they are, how much they care about each other, and they reflect a family’s relational culture” (113).

Growing up, my family used to have dinner together every single night as well as getting together with my grandparents and cousins on Sundays after church (which we went to together). After moving, church ended, as did eating dinner together but we still found time to go to the movies together, or these days, have a Sunday dinner whenever all of us are free.

My sister and her boyfriend also watch different sports together with my dad. I play in a band and my parents are at most shows, even if nobody else is.

Roles Jim – My dad, the primary provider, handyman, supportive, a total goofball,

willing to do anything to make sure his family is okay (be it emotionally or financially)

Linda – My mom, calls the shots, has the final say, does most of the cooking and some of the cleaning, extremely helpful with getting (and keeping) her kids on the right path

Chris – My brother, part-time comedian and independent filmmaker, the only one of us children still living at home, extremely moody, twin to my sister, spoiled rotten

Erin – My sister, understudy for my mother as far as thinking that she can call the shots and have the final say, twin to my brother, disinterested in having her own children but living with a guy who already has two

Kyle – Me, struggling musician, soon-to-be college graduate (the first in my immediate family including my parents), the eldest child and most independent

Decision Making “Decision making, like power, is a process that belongs

to the family system, not to an individual” (195).

When it comes to making decisions involving the family, like what we are doing for Thanksgiving or Christmas or what color we are painting the bathroom, my mom makes these calls. This is because we are all aware that she is the only one truly invested in the decision and that she will be the only one brokenhearted if it doesn’t go her way. When it comes to personal decisions though, we know that our family is there for us and usually, during one of our Sunday dinners together, we will air out what has been bothering us or look to members for support in making a decision. Just recently, I made the decision to quit my job but wouldn’t have felt as okay with it if not for the support and backing of my family.

Conflict “Family members who confront their differences are more likely to improve their relationships and experience more joint

benefits that increase love and caring” (210).

Though my family loves each other and gets along shockingly well for the most part, we are not without conflict. Growing up, I was very stubborn and selfish and got in a lot of arguments with my parents as well as my siblings which, through the years, I learned from. Getting older though, there are still fights, except these days they most often between my brother and I. Having extremely similar personalities and tastes does not make for a good combination and usually, at every other family get-together, we have it out about some sort of movie, TV show or band that we disagree on. He takes things personally and gets mad that I don’t get more worked up about these things. This is what is happening in the picture on the right. On the left, at a much younger age, I thought it would be funny to give my sister bunny ears. My brother didn’t find it as funny and decided to pull my hair.

Open Family As you might have guessed from the lack of censorship or force, and the fact

that none of we children have any defined career paths, that the Gervais Family is an open family. We are busy people, who are willing to experience new things and keep our options open. It wasn’t always like this though; before graduating high school, I would have said that we were more of a Closed Family, but as our lives have changed and the world has screwed us over a little bit at a time, my parent’s standards and goals have certainly changed, and honestly, it’s only improved our relationships with each other.

Family Image My family is like a lava lamp. We’re bouncing around all over the place,

at different speeds, with no clear direction and while we might occasionally crash into one another and explode into little pieces,

we are stuck together and we look pretty cool.

Family As I get older, and the opportunity to start my own family becomes more of

a reality, I am confident that I will carry on the themes, traditions and pieces of my upbringing that makes my family such a positive element in

my life.

It isn’t perfect, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Works Cited

Brommel, B.J.; Bylund, C.L.; Galvin, K.M; Family Communication: Cohesion and Change, 8th ed; Allyn and Bacon; 2012.