GenerationtoGeneration—PassingonaLegacyofFaithtoOurChildrenCopyright©2020bytheInternationalFellowshipofChristians&Jews,Inc.Allrightsreserved.

Unlessotherwisenoted,allquotationsaretakenfromtheHolyBible,NewInternationalVersion®,NIV®.Copyright©1973,1978,1984,2011byBiblica,Inc.™Usedbypermission.Allrightsreservedworldwide.

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CoverandinteriordesignbyMarketOneConsultants,FortWorth,TexasCoverphotoimage:ShutterstockInsidecoverphotoofRabbiYechielEcksteinandYaelEcksteinbyOlivierFitoussiIFCJProjectStaff:CalebBurroughs,DavidKuner,YonitRothchild,andBetsySchmittPublishedbytheInternationalFellowshipofChristians&Jews,Inc.withofficesinCanada,Israel,SouthKorea,andtheUnitedStates.

ISBN978-0-9835327-7-4

ALSOBYAUTHOR

HolyLandReflections:ACollectionofInspirationalInsightsfromIsrael

SpiritualCookingwithYael

WitheternalgratitudetoGodforblessingmewiththeperfectparentswhotaughtmethewayIshouldgo.

CONTENTS

FOREWORD

INTRODUCTION

OVERVIEW

TEACHINGOURCHILDREN

SHABBAT

TEACHINGOURCHILDRENPRIORITIES

PASSOVER

TEACHINGOURCHILDRENTOSEEKKNOWLEDGE

SHAVUOT

TEACHINGOURCHILDRENGRATITUDE

TISHAB’AV

TEACHINGOURCHILDRENHOPE

HIGHHOLYDAYS

TEACHINGOURCHILDRENFORGIVENESS

SUKKOT

TEACHINGOURCHILDRENFAITH

PURIM

TEACHINGOURCHILDRENCOURAGE

TZEDAKAH

TEACHINGOURCHILDRENGENEROSITY

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

FOREWORD

WhenayoungOrthodoxRabbibeganhisvisionaryworkin1983buildingbridgesofunderstandingbetweenChristiansandJews,itwasDr.PatRobertson,presidentofCBNandRegentUniversity,whowasoneofthefirstChristianleaderstostepforwardtoembraceRabbiYechielEckstein’swork.FollowingRabbiEckstein’suntimelydeathin2019,hisdaughterYaelEcksteinstoodatthehelmoftheorganizationtheRabbifounded,theInternationalFellowshipofChristiansandJews,asitsnewpresident.AnditwasDr.Robertson’sson,GordonRobertson,whosteppedforwardtoofferhissupport.Fatherandson.Fatheranddaughter.Eachrepresentsalinkinthechainoffaiththatstretchesfromgenerationtogeneration,andextendsthatlegacyoffaithbeyondtheboundariesoftimeandspaceforgenerationstocome.

Iwasprivilegedtoknowandtosupportanextraordinaryman,YechielEckstein.YechielwasanOrthodoxRabbiwhorealizedthatbuildingbridgesbetweenChristiansandJewswasaworthycenterforalifetimework.

AfterthehorrorsoftheHolocaustandtherefusalofsomeChristiangroupstointervene,therearoseintheJewishcommunityaprofoundaversiontoChristians.Yetinthemodern-dayevangelicalchurch,there

isaprofoundloveofIsraelandJewishcauses.YechielEcksteinsawbeyondtheprejudicesofhisdaytobuilda

fellowshipwhichhasbroughttensofmillionsofdollarsinrelieftobeleagueredHolocaustsurvivorsandneedyJewsinIsraelandaroundtheworldthatspringsforthfromthelovewhichevangelicalChristianshaveforIsrael.

TheworkoftheInternationalFellowshipofChristiansandJewsisindeedprofound,andIamdelightedthatYechiel’sdaughter,Yael,iscarryingontheworkofherfather.Iknowthatgoodthingsarestilltocomeinhismemoryandashislegacy.

PatRobertsonFounder/ChairmanTheChristianBroadcastingNetwork,Inc.

HaveyoueverwonderedwhyGodchoseAbraham?Genesis18:19givesustheanswer:“ForIhaveknownhim,inorderthathemaycommandhischildrenandhishouseholdafterhim,thattheykeepthewayoftheLORD,todorighteousnessandjustice,thattheLORDmaybringtoAbrahamwhatHehasspokentohim”(NKJV).The“keepingofthewayoftheLORD”isnotonlythesecrettoAbrahambeingchosen;itisalsothesecrettothesurvivalofJudaism.Evenwithoutdwellingintheirhomelandformorethan2,000years,theJewishpeoplehavesurvived.Noothernationonearthhasretainedtheircultureandtheirfaithfor4,000years.

GodistheGodofgenerations,theGodofAbraham,Isaac,andJacob,andthispatternofgenerationshasbeenrepeatedsinceAbrahamtothepresentday.ThefaithofourfathersisalegacythatrequireseachgenerationtokeepthewayoftheLord.WithintheJewishfamily,eachgenerationplaysaroleinobservanceinthehome,fromtheyoungestaskingquestionsattheseder,tothemotherlightingcandles,tothegrandfatherandfathergivingtheblessingoverthechildrenontheSabbath.Judaismisnotjustobservedinthesynagogue,itisprimarilyobservedinthehome,andeachmemberofthefamilyisaparticipant.

Intoday’sworld,weliveinaculturethatisincreasinglyintolerantofbelief,particularlybeliefinaJudeo-Christianworldview,andincommandmentstoobey.Foryears,Ihavelongedforabook,amanual,thatcouldbeusedbyChristianfamiliestotransmitalivingfaiththroughthegenerationsevenwhilelivinginahostileculture.YaelEcksteinhasgivenusthatbook.

Mayyoustudyit,mayyouadoptit,andmoreimportantly,mayyoudowhatiswrittenhere.Ifyoudo,youwillfindthataswekeepourfaith,ourfaithwillinturnkeepus.

GordonRobertsonPresidentandCEOTheChristianBroadcastingNetwork,Inc.

INTRODUCTION

Leteachgenerationtellitschildrenofyourmightyacts;letthemproclaimyourpower.—PSALM145:4,NLT

OnFebruary6,2019,mylifechangedforeverwithonephonecall.IhadjustreturnedfromafamilyvacationwhenIreceivedthenewsthatmyAbba,myfather,RabbiYechielEckstein,hadunexpectedlyandtragicallypassedawayatage67.Intheblinkofaneye,Ihadlostmyfather,mymentor,andmyrolemodel.

Inspiredbymyfather’sworkandvisioninfoundingtheInternationalFellowshipofChristiansandJews,Ihaddecidedtofollowinhisfootsteps,dedicatingmylife,ashehad,tobringingChristiansandJewstogetherandhelpingJewishpeopleinneedinIsraelandaroundtheworld.Justmonthsearlier,TheFellowship’sBoardofDirectorshadnamedmePresident-electtotakeupmyfather’smantleonceheretiredinthreeyears.Ihadbeenblessedtoworkalongsidemyfathersince2005,takinginhisvision,hisdirection,andmorerecently,takingonmoreoftheday-to-daydutiesofrunningtheorganization.However,theplanhadalwaysbeenforhimtobebymyside,guidingmethroughthetransition.Now,bereftanddevastated,Ifacedanunknownfutureonunfamiliarterrain.

Yet,inthosedifficultdaysfollowingmyfather’spassing,whatbecameincreasinglycleartomewasthathehadbeenpreparingmefor

thisverymomentmyentirelife.NotonlyhadhebeguntrainingmeforrunningthelargestnonprofithumanitarianorganizationinIsrael,moreimportantly,hehadbeeninstillinginmefrommychildhoodthefoundationalvaluesIwouldneedtonavigatethisworldandmakeitabetterplace.Myfatherhadleftmealegacyoffaith.

AsrenownedChristianpreacherBillyGrahamsaid,“Thegreatestlegacyonecanpassontoone’schildrenandgrandchildrenisnotmoneyorothermaterialthingsaccumulatedinone’slife,butratheralegacyofcharacterandfaith.”InJudaism,werefertothisasl’dorv’dor,whichliterallymeans“fromgenerationtogeneration.”Wepassdownourfaithtothenextgenerationnotjustthroughformalreligioustraining,butthroughtheholyobservances,therituals,andthetraditionsthathappenwithinthelifeofthefamily.IlearnedtheimportanceofsettingprioritiesandputtingGodfirstthroughtheweeklyobservanceofShabbat.IlearnedthevalueofaskingquestionsandseekingwisdomasmyfamilygatheredaroundthesedertableforPassover.Eachholidaythatweobservedthroughouttheyear,andeachtraditionthatwefollowed—fromthetzedakah(charity)boxwekeptinthekitchentotherecitingofblessingsbeforeandaftereverymeal—wereopportunitiesformymotherandfathertoreinforcethefundamentalvaluesofhope,gratitude,generosity,courage,faith,andforgiveness.ItisthesesamevaluesthatmyhusbandandIarenowteachingandpassingontoourfourchildren.IknowthisbroughtgreatpridetomyfatherashewatchedhisgrandchildrenbeingraisedwiththosesamevaluesandwithsomuchloveforGod.

WhenhefoundedTheFellowshipin1983,myfatherbelievedthatitwasthiscommonground,thiscommitmenttofaithandinstillingthese

fundamentalvaluesinourchildren,thatbothChristiansandJewsshared.HededicatedhislifetobuildingbridgesofunderstandingbetweenChristiansandJews.AsmoreandmoreChristiansbeganexploringtheJewishrootsoftheirfaith,hesharedwiththemhowtheapostlePaulinRomans11taughtthatChristianshavebeengraftedontothericholivetreeofIsrael.ItiswithhisvisioninmindthatIwritethisbookandinviteyoutotakethisjourneyoffaithwithme.

Inthepagesofthisbook,wewillexploreholyobservancesoftheJewishyearandthekeyvalueitreinforces,throughtheteachingsIlearnedatmyfather’sfeet,andhowmyhusbandandInowincorporatethoseteachingsintoourownfamily.Inaddition,aftereachchapter,wehaveprovidedasectionjustforyouwithinformationonhowtheobservanceismentionedintheChristianBible,alongwithquestionsandBiblestoriestodiscusswithyourfamily,andaselectionofBibleversestomemorizethatemphasizeakeyvalue.Myprayeristhatyou,too,willbeinspiredandencouragedasyoupassonyourfaithandtrainyourchildrenforlivesofgodliness.

Finally,thisbookisatributetomyfather,indeepgratitudeforhisloveandforhislegacy.Shortlybeforehepassedaway,myfathergavemehisblessinginpreparationforthedayIwouldassumethedutiesaspresident.Hesaidtomethen,“ThisistheprayerI’verecitedoveryoueveryFridaynightonShabbatsinceyouwereborn:MaytheLordblessyoulikeourmothersSarah,Rebekah,Rachel,andLeah.MaytheLordblessyouandwatchoveryou.MayHeletHislightshineuponyouandbegraciousuntoyou.MayHeliftupHiscountenanceuntoyouandgrantyoushalom,peace.Thisismyblessingtoyou,thatyourlifewithyourfamily,withyourchildren,andyourcallingbefilledwithloveand

meaning.”ThesearethewordsthatIhavecarriedinmyheartsincethatdarkest

day,andwhichhaveenabledmetocarryonmyfather’slegacyandpassitontomyownchildren.Thankyou,Abba.Iloveyoualways.

YaelEcksteinFellowshipPresident&CEO

HIGHHOLYDAYSTEACHINGOURCHILDRENFORGIVENESS

“Youshallnothateyourbrotherinyourheart,butyoushallreasonfranklywithyourneighbor,lestyouincursinbecauseofhim.”—LEVITICUS19:17(ESV)

WhoisaGodlikeyou,whopardonssinandforgivesthetransgressionoftheremnantofhisinheritance?

Youdonotstayangryforeverbutdelighttoshowmercy.—MICAH7:18

Iherebyforgiveallwhohavetransgressedagainstme,whetheronpurposeorbyaccident,whetherinthislifetimeoronanyotherplane… .Letnoonebepunishedonmyaccount.—HareniMochelprayerbeforetheeveningShema

Manyofusbearemotionalbaggagethatwecarrythroughoutourlives.It’sthetypeofbaggagethatcanslowusdown,throwusoffbalance,andeventhreatenourmentalwellbeing,justascarryingtoomuchphysicalweightcan.Yet,thetruthisthatmanyoftheburdenswebearareburdenswecouldputdownifwewantedto,insteadofendlesslysufferingfromthemonadailybasis.

Specifically,mostofuscarrytwotypesofbaggage.Oneistheneedforforgiveness.Thisbaggagecontainsguilt,shame,hopelessness,andsadness.Theotheristheneedtoforgive.Thisbaggageisfilledwithanger,resentment,regret,andturmoil.Bothhavethepowertopreventusfromtruepersonalandspiritualgrowth.Riddingourselvesoftheseburdensisfreeing,andultimately,lifechanging,yetneitheriseasytoputdown.

Inordertoobtainforgiveness,wemustbewillingtohumbleourselvesandhavethecouragetoadmitwrongdoing.Inordertoforgiveapersonwhohashurtus,wehavetobewillingtoletgoofthepastand

overlookanotherperson’swrongdoings.Moreover,theneedtoforgiveandtobeforgivenarenotonlyissueswithotherpeople.TheyarealsodeepneedsrelatingtobothGodandourselves.ThereisnotapersononearthwhodoesnotneedGod’sforgiveness.TheBibletellsusthat,“Indeed,thereisnooneonearthwhoisrighteous,noonewhodoeswhatisrightandneversins”(Ecclesiastes7:20).AstheapostlePaulwroteintheChristianBible,“forallhavesinnedandfallshortofthegloryofGod”(Romans3:23).Inaddition,oftenthepersonwemostneedtoforgiveisourselves.

Forgivenessisdifficult,butitsrewardsareinvaluable.WefindforgivenessattheheartofsomeofthemostpivotaleventsofIsrael’shistoryintheBible.OneofthemostimpactfulandemotionalstoriesintheBibleiswhenJosephforgavehisbrothersforwhattheyhaddonetohim.InGenesis50:15,aftertheirfatherJacobhaddied,thebrotherswereterrifiedthatwithouttheirfather’sprotection,Josephwouldtakerevengeuponthem.Yet,Josephhadforgivenhisbrotherslongago,andinsomeofthemostpowerfulwordsofforgivenesseveruttered,hereassuredthem,“Don’tbeafraid.AmIintheplaceofGod?Youintendedtoharmme,butGodintendeditforgoodtoaccomplishwhatisnowbeingdone,thesavingofmanylives.Sothen,don’tbeafraid.Iwillprovideforyouandyourchildren”(Genesis50:19–21).ImaginewhatthefateofthenationofIsraelwouldbeifJosephhadnotforgivenhisbrothers?

Fast-forwardtoanothercriticalmomentinthehistoryofIsrael,whenMosespleadedwithGodtoforgivethechildrenofIsraelforbuildingandbowingdownbeforeagoldencalfwhilehewasonMountSinaireceivingGod’slaw:“Turnfromyourfierceanger;relentanddo

notbringdisasteronyourpeople”(Exodus32:12).Thenonceagain,MosespleadedforforgivenessonbehalfofthepeopleastheystoodonthethresholdofthePromisedLandandrefusedtoenterbecausetheywereafraid.Mosessaid,“Inaccordancewithyourgreatlove,forgivethesinofthesepeople,justasyouhavepardonedthemfromthetimetheyleftEgyptuntilnow”(Numbers14:19).AndGodreplied,“Ihaveforgiventhem,asyouasked”(Numbers14:20).IfnotforGod’sgrace,thenationofIsraelwouldnothavereceivedtheTenCommandments,becomeGod’schosennation,orinheritedtheHolyLand.

Askingforgiveness,givingforgiveness,andattainingforgivenessarecriticaltolivingahealthyandhappylife.AsJesustaughthisdisciplesintheChristianBible,“Forifyouforgiveotherpeoplewhentheysinagainstyou,yourheavenlyFatherwillalsoforgiveyou.Butifyoudonotforgiveotherstheirsins,yourFatherwillnotforgiveyoursins”(Matthew6:14–15).Forgivenessisnotonlygoodforthesoulsofothers;itisgoodforoursoulaswell.

Eventhoughithasbeenscientificallyproventhatseekingforgivenessisimmenselybeneficial,twoofthehardestwordsformanypeopletosayare,“I’msorry.”Thosetwowordshavetremendouspowertohealrelationships,repairdamages,andchangethefutureforthebetter.Yetsomanypeoplewouldratherlivewiththepainofbrokennessthensaythosewordsaloud.Peopleoftenmistaketheactofapologyasasignofweaknessorasanactofsubmissiontoanotherperson.However,nothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruth.

Ittakesastrongpersontoaskforforgiveness.Itrequirescourageandinnerstrengthtoputone’sselfintosuchavulnerableposition.Itrequireshumilitytoadmitdoingwrong,andparadoxically,agoodsenseofself-worthinordertoknowthatsuchanadmissiondoesnotdiminishone’svalue.Apologiesarenotfortheweak.

Sincereapologiestakeapersonwhoisstrongenoughtolowerhisorherselfinfrontofanotherperson,tofeelremorse,toexpressregret,andtoacceptresponsibilityforhisorheractions.Noonetaughtmethislessonbetterthanmyfatherdid.

IrememberatimewhenIwasachild,andIwasnotbehavingwell.Iwasactingoutandspeakinginappropriatelytomyparentsaschildrenoftendo.Myfathertoldmetostopmisbehavingonce,twice,athirdtime.Nevertheless,IkeptonwhatIwasdoing,caughtupinmyownworld,andbarelypayingattentiontomyfather’sgentlereprimand.MyfathersensedthatIwascompletelyignoringhim,andconsequentlywasupsetandyelledatme.ThiswassomethingthatIwasnotusedto,anditscaredme.Myfatherdidn’tgetangrywithmeveryoftenandrarelyexpresseditthewaythathedidonthatday.Irantomyroomintears.

Afewmomentslater,Iheardmyfather’sfootstepscomingupthestairs.HecameintomyroomandsatonmybedwhereIhadburiedmyfaceinmypillow.IrealizedthatIhadbeenmisbehavingandthoughtthatmaybemyfatherhadcometopunishme.Butthat’snotwhathappened.

Instead,myfatherstrokedmybackuntilIstoppedsobbingandlookedupathim.Withtearsinhiseyeshesaid,“I’msorry,Yael.Ishouldnothavereactedsoharshly.Yes,youweremisbehaving,butyouarethechildandIamtheparent.Ishouldnothavelostmycooland

yelledatyou.ThereareotherwaysthatIcouldhavedealtwithit,andinthefuture,Iamgoingtobemorepatientandtalkthingsoutwithyou.”

Icouldhardlybelieveit.Mytowering,big,strong,father,whowaslargerthanlife,hadcometoapologizetome!Inmyeyes,myfatherwasalwaysrightandnevermademistakes.Itwasincrediblypowerfulwhenheadmittedtomethathehadbeenwrongandapologizedforthewaythathereacted(eventhoughIdefinitelydeservedit!).Irememberthinkingthateveryonemakesmistakes,evenmyfather,andthateveryonecan,andshould,apologizewhentheydo.ThatdayIlearnedthatthesignofatrulystrongandmatureadultistheabilitytoaskforgivenessfromanyone,evenasmallchild.Ilearnedthatitwasnotjustthe“right”thingtodo,butitalsowasthehallmarkofagreatperson.

Inlife,weallmakemistakes,butarighteouspersoncorrectsthem.InJudaism,thehighestformofrepentanceiswhenapersonisintheexactsamesituationaswhentheyfirstsinnedandtheychooseadifferentcourseofaction.Aftermyfatherapologizedforlosinghistemperwithme,hefoundhimselfinthesamepositionmany,manytimesthroughoutmychildhood.However,everytimeIpushedhimtothelimit,hewouldsaytome,“RememberthatpromisethatImadetoyou,Yael,tonotlosemycoolandyellatyou?Let’ssitdownandtalkaboutthis.”

Everytimethatmyfatherremindedmeofhispromise,healsotaughtmethevalueofatrue,sincereapology.Suchanapologycanchangeourdestinyandtransformusintothebestversionsofourselves.

ThemostsacredtimeontheJewishcalendarisknownastheHighHolidays,ortheHighHolyDays,whichbeginwithRoshHashanah,literallythe“HeadoftheYear”andcommonlyreferredtoastheJewishNewYear,andculminateonYomKippur,theDayofAtonement.Thetwoholidaysareconnectedbythedaysbetweenthem,knownastheTenDaysofRepentance.Thisisatimeofintenseintrospection,self-reflection,andrepentancethatleadstoaskingforgivenessfromGodandalsoseekingforgivenessfromthosewhomwehavehurtoroffended—whetherintentionallyorunintentionally—throughouttheyear.Itisatimewecanchartanewcourseandbegintheyearwithacleanslate.

Theseholydaysareadelicatebalancebetweenfeastingandfasting,repentingandrejoicing.AccordingtoJewishtradition,RoshHashanahisadayofjudgmentwhenGodtakesacloselookateveryperson—hisorherdeeds,misdeeds,theirheart,andtheirtruestintentions—andmakesanassessment.It’souryearlyspiritualcheckup.TheBiblereferstoRoshHashanahas“TheFestivalofTrumpets,”areferencetotheritualram’shornknownastheshofarthatwesoundthroughoutthetwo-dayholiday(Leviticus23:23–25).Theshofarservesasanalarmclockthatremindsustowakeupfromourspiritualslumber,evaluateourselves,repentwherenecessary,andreturntoGod.Thetrumpetblastsarealsoareferencetoroyaltyandsymbolizeouryearlyre-coronationofGodasourKingandourrededicationtoHimasHissubjects.However,inadditiontoacceptingGodasourKingandJudge,onthisholidaywealsorelatetoGodasourlovingFatherandrecallHisgreatmercy.RoshHashanahisbothasolemndayandadayofcelebrationbecauseGodismercifulandforgivesoursins.AccordingtoJewishtradition,whenweappearforDivinejudgment,theangelssay,“Don’tbeafraid,theJudge

isyourFather.”Thethemesofintrospection,repentance,andforgivenesscontinue

throughthedaysbetweenRoshHashanahandYomKippur.Thesedaysareconsideredanidealtimeforsincererepentance,asJewsbelievethatGodisespeciallycloseandattentivetoourprayers.TheTenDaysofRepentanceleaduptotheculminationoftheHighHolyDayseasononYomKippur,theDayofAtonement.

Historically,YomKippurwasthedaythatMosesattainedforgivenessonbehalfoftheIsraelitesforthesinofthegoldencalf.Itisconsideredanauspiciousdayforforgivenessforalltime.InTempletimes,YomKippurcenteredaroundaservicelaidoutindetailinLeviticus16,andwastheonlydayoftheyearthattheHighPriestenteredtheHolyofHoliesandmadeatonementforthesinsofthenation.AsGodcommanded,“onthisdayatonementwillbemadeforyou,tocleanseyou.Then,beforetheLORD,youwillbecleanfromallyoursins”(Leviticus16:30).

Today,theDayofAtonementismarkedprimarilybyfasting,praying,andaskingforGod’sforgiveness.Inspiteoftheverysomberaspectsoftheday,somehavealsocalleditoneofthehappiestdaysontheJewishcalendar.MosesIbnEzra,an11th-centuryJewishscholar,explained,“Nosinissolightthatitmaybeoverlooked.Nosinissoheavythatitmaynotberepentedof.”OnYomKippur,weareseriousaboutconfrontingourshortcomingsandjoyfulthatourGodisamercifulGod,aGodwhoforgivesandcancompletelyeraseoursinsasthoughtheyneverhappened.

TheHighHolyDaysareouropportunitytowipetheslateclean,and

begintheyearanew—withnewdreams,possibilities,intentions,andcommitments.WeentertheNewYearwithgreaterwisdom,higheraspirations,andarenewedrelationshipwithGod.AsChristiantheologianBillyGrahamoncesaid,“EveryyearduringtheirHighHolyDays,theJewishcommunityremindsusallofourneedforrepentanceandforgiveness.”

AccordingtotheJewishOralTradition,GodcreatedthepossibilityofrepentancebeforeHeevencreatedtheworld.Thisisbecauserepentancegoesagainsttherulesofnature.Thelawsofnaturedictatethatoncesomethingisbroken,itcannotbeputbacktogether.Onceglassisshattered,eventhemosttalentedartisancannotmendit.Moreover,wecannottravelbackintimetopreventtheglassfrombeingshatteredinthefirstplace.However,throughrepentance,Godcreatedawayforustodoboth—tofixwhathasbeenbrokenandtochangethepast,sotospeak,makingitasifthebreakingneverhappenedinthefirstplace.God’sforgivenessisnothinglessthanamiracle—itgoesagainstthelawsofnaturesothatwecanberedeemed.

DivineforgivenessisagiftfromGodthatmustbevaluedandappreciated.“ThesinglemostimportantlessonofYomKippur,”writesRabbiJonathanSacks,“isthatit’snevertoolatetochange,startagain,andlivedifferentlyfromthewaywe’vedoneinthepast.Godforgiveseverymistakewe’vemadesolongaswearehonestinregrettingitanddoingourbesttoputitright.”

AstheYomKippurliturgyasserts,thereisnosuchthingasaperson

whodoesnotsin.However,sincanonlyholdusbackifweletit.Godhasgivenusthepowertoreleaseourselvesfromthetentaclesofsinbyaskingforgivenessandresolvingtobehavedifferentlyinthefuture.Godpromises,“Ifmypeoplewhoarecalledbymyname,willhumblethemselvesandprayandseekmyfaceandturnfromtheirwickedways,thenIwillhearfromheaven,andIwillforgivetheirsinandhealtheirland”(2Chronicles7:14).ThepathwaybacktoGodisalwaysopen.

Yet,JudaismmaintainsthattherearesinswhichGodcannotforgive—atleastnotwithoutacriticalstepbeforeweaskforHisgrace.WhenitcomestoourrelationshipwithGod,Hecanforgiveanything.ButGoddoesnotforgiveourwrongdoingstootherhumanbeingsuntilwehaveaskedforforgivenessfromthepersonorpeoplewehaveharmed.Truerepentance,whenitcomestootherpeople,requiresasincereapologyandasignificantattempttosetthingsright.Forthisreason,ithasbecomecustomaryforJewishpeopletoseekforgivenessfromfamily,friends,andanyonetheymayhaveharmed,justbeforetheHighHolyDays.Weapologizeforourwrongdoings,bigorsmall,andgrantforgivenesstoothersbeforeweseekforgivenessfromGod.

TheHighHolyDaysarenotonlyaboutseekingforgiveness;theyarealsoatimetoletgoofthepastandforgiveothers.IntheJewishOralTradition,astoryistoldaboutafirst-centuryrabbiwhoprayedforrainduringatimeofdroughtintheHolyLand,yethisprayerswerenotanswered.However,whenhisstudentprayedforrain,itstartedtorainimmediately.Whiletheothersagespresentweretryingtofigureoutwhythestudent’sprayerwasansweredandthegreatsage’sprayerwasnot,aheavenlyvoicecalledoutthatitwasnotanissueofgreatness;rather,thestudentwasmoreopenandforgiving,whiletheteacherwas

moreexactanddemanding.Godrespondedtoeachofthemaccordingtohispersonality.

Whilewearenotpermittedtoforgivesomeoneonbehalfofanotherindividual,norarewerequiredtoforgivesomeoneastheycontinuetoharmus,wemustbewillingtoforgivethosewhohavehurtuswhentheysincerelyapologize.Indeed,ithasbeensaidthatholdingontoresentmentislikedrinkingpoisonandhopingtheotherpersonwilldie.Yet,asidefromthefreedomwereceivefromforgivingothers,wealsoinvokeGod’sforgivenessandmercywhenwearemercifultowardothers.Furthermore,wearecommanded,“Youshallnothateyourbrotherinyourheart”(Leviticus19:17ESV).Ratherthanharboragrudgeandresentment,wemustmakeeveryattempttoworkthingsoutwiththosewefeelhavehurtus.Justaswemustpursueforgivenessforourselves,wemustalsoseektoforgiveothers.AstheapostlePaultaughtintheChristianBible,“Bearwitheachotherandforgiveoneanotherifanyofyouhasagrievanceagainstsomeone.ForgiveastheLordforgaveyou”(Colossians3:13)

Whenitcomestoforgivingothers,IcanhonestlysaythatmychildrenhavebeenmyteachersatleastasmuchasIhavebeentheirs.Bynature,ourchildrencanmoreeasilyletgoofangerandmoveonquicklyaftersomeoneelsehashurtthem.Whenweareyoung,wedonothavethementalfacultiestoruminateoveranunpleasantinteractionorthememorycapacitytokeeppastincidentsintheforefrontofourmindsforyearstocome.Asweageandourmindsmature,wegainthetoolsto

analyzeandrememberourexperiences,butifwearenotcareful,theycangetinourwaywhenitcomestoforgivingandlettinggoofthepast.Forgivingdoesnotmeanforgetting,butitdoesprovidefreedom.

Therewasonetimeinparticularthatmydaughtertaughtmethepoweroflettinggo.ShewasthreeyearsoldwhensheaskedmeforacandythatshesawonashelfandItoldher“no.”Needlesstosay,shewasnotveryhappyaboutthatanswer.Shethrewaclassictantrum,cryingandprotestingthesituation,whichIamsurefromherperspectivewasunfairandunkind.Butthenshedidsomethinginteresting.Justafewmomentslater,sheclimbedintomylapandsnuggledupagainstmychest.

Mydaughter’sreactiontaughtmetwothings.First,thatitispossibletoseparateasituationfromaperson.Shewasupsetathercircumstances,butshedroppedherangeratme.Partoffaithmeansbelievingthatourlivesareexactlyastheyaremeanttobenomatterwhoorwhatcontributedtothem.Whenwecanseparateourcircumstancesfromthepersonorpeoplewhoplayedaroleincreatingthem,wecanmoreeasilyforgiveandmoveon.Thesecondconceptthatmydaughter’sactionsillustratedwasthepowerofmovingonquicklyandcompletely.Wallowinginherpityandangerwouldnothaveservedherwell.Focusingonourlovingrelationshipallowedhertounburdenherselffromthepainofresentmentandstepintolove.Ofcourse,shedidnotdoanyofthisconsciously;itcomesmorenaturallytoachild.Yet,asadults,wehavetheopportunitytodothesameintentionally.

AbeautifulJewishprayerincludedinthenighttimeprayerswesayjustbeforegoingtosleepillustratesthepowerofforgiveness.Theprayerisbothadeclarationthatweforgiveanyonethatmayhavehurtus

inanywayandarequestthatwebeforgiven,aswell.Itreads:

MasteroftheUniverse,Iherebyforgiveanyonewhohasangeredorantagonizedmeorwhosinnedagainstme—whetheragainstmybody,myproperty,myhonor,oragainstanythingofmine;whetherhedidsoaccidentally,willfully,carelessly,orpurposely;whetherthroughspeech,deed,thought,ornotion;whetherinthislifetimeoranotherlifetime—Iforgiveeveryone.Maynomanbepunishedbecauseofme.MayitbeYourwillLORD,myGodandtheGodofmyforefathers,thatImaysinnomore.WhateversinsthatIhavedonebeforeyou,mayYoublotoutinyourabundantmercies,butnotthroughsufferingorbadillnesses.MaytheexpressionsofmymouthandthethoughtsofmyheartfindfavorbeforeYou,God,myRockandRedeemer.

Theintentionofthisprayeristhatwenevergotobedangry,notonlyforthesakeofthosewhohavehurtus,butalsoforourselves.Everymorningisafreshstarttoanewday.CarryingoverpasthurtandresentmentonlyholdsusbackfromenjoyingGod’sblessings.WhenIsaythisprayerwithmychildrenatnight,myhopeisthattheirnaturaltendencytoforgivewillaccompanythemthroughouttheirlives,andthattheywillgrowintoforgivingandmercifuladultswhoarekindtoothersandtothemselves.

Askingforforgiveness,however,doesnotcomeaseasily,andourchildrenneedtobetaughthowtoincorporatethisintotheirspiritualdevelopment.Nobodylikestoadmitbeingwrong.Yet,likemost

parents,myhusbandandIhaveinsistedthatourchildrenapologizeassincerelyaspossiblewhentheyarewrong.Having40daysoutofeveryyearwhenourentirefaithcommunityfocusesonaskingforgivenessfromGodandfromothershashelpedimmeasurablyinguidingmychildrentobecomfortablewithapologizing.FortheentiremonthbeforeRoshHashanah,weobservethetraditiontosoundtheritualshofareverydayinourhome.Thepiercingsoundandunusual-lookingtrumpetcapturedourchildren’sattentionfromaveryyoungage.Astheygrowolder,theyautomaticallyassociatethesoundoftheshofarwithrepentanceandaskingforgiveness.

AstheNewYearapproaches,askingforgivenessbecomescommonplace.ItiscommoninJewishschoolsthatprincipals,teachers,andotherauthorityfiguresinthelivesofourchildrenaskforforgivenessincasetheyinadvertentlyhurtachild’sfeelings.Imaginetheimpactthathasuponachild—seeingtheadultsandauthoritiesintheirliveshumblyaskingforforgiveness—muchliketheimpactmyfatherhadonmewhenIwasachild.Inaddition,mychildrenandtheirfriendswillexchangeapologiesinadvanceoftheholidays.Whiletheapologiesmaycomemorefromaplaceoftraditioninsteadofsincereregret,thispracticetrainsourchildrentoaskforgivenessandtoforgive.Itgivesthemthetoolstobecomematureadultswhoareabletohumblethemselveswhentheyarewrongandmakeamends,justasmyfatherdid.

HIGHHOLYDAYSINTHENEWTESTAMENT

NeitherRoshHashanahnorYomKippurarementionedspecificallyintheNewTestament;however,theunderlyingthemesfoundintheseobservancesareevident.Forexample,thecalltorepentanceassymbolizedbythesoundingoftheshofaronRoshHashanahisfoundrepeatedlyinNewTestamentscriptures.AsJesusbeganhisministry,JohntheBaptistpreparedthewaybyannouncing,“Repent,forthekingdomofheavenhascomenear”(Matthew3:2).Certainly,repentancewasakeymessageinJesus’andhisfollowers’teachings(Matthew3:2;4:17;Mark6:12;Luke5:32;Acts2:38).Additionally,theNewTestamentmakesmanycomparisonsbetweentheDayofAtonementandthesacrificialdeathofJesus(Hebrews9:6–28;13:11–13).

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FAMILYTIME—TEACHINGOURCHILDRENFORGIVENESS

Asafamily,writedown(orshare)somethingforwhichyouneedforgiveness.Thenwritedownsomeonewhoyouneedtoforgive.Whichistheharderthingtodo?

ReadthefollowingparableJesustaughthisdisciplesaboutforgivenessinMatthew18:23–35.WhatdoesthisteachabouthowGodviewsforgiveness?Howshouldwetreatotherswhohavewrongedus?

FrederickRobertson,a19th-centuryBritishAnglicanclergyman,wrote,“Wewinbytenderness.Weconquerbyforgiveness.”Asafamily,discusswhatthatmeansandwhatitteachesusabouttheneedtoforgiveoneanother.

ForParentsIndiscussingtheHareniMochel,thetraditionalprayerofforgivenesssheandherchildrensayeachnight,Yaelwrote,“WhenIsaythisprayerwithmychildrenatnight,myhopeisthattheirnaturaltendencytoforgivewillaccompanythemthroughouttheirlives,andthattheywillgrowintoforgivingandmercifuladultswhoarekindtoothersandtothemselves.”Howmightyouincorporateaprayerforforgivenesswithyourchildrenonaregularbasis?

MEMORYVERSES

Selectoneoftheversesbelowforyouandyourfamilytomemorizeonforgiveness.

“I,evenI,amhewhoblotsoutyourtransgressions,formyownsake,andremembersyoursinsnomore.”—ISAIAH43:25

WhoisaGodlikeyou,whopardonssinandforgivesthetransgressionoftheremnantofhisinheritance?

Youdonotstayangryforeverbutdelighttoshowmercy.—MICAH7:18

“Forifyouforgiveotherpeoplewhentheysinagainstyou,yourheavenlyFatherwillalsoforgiveyou.Butifyoudonotforgiveotherstheirsins,yourFatherwillnotforgiveyoursins.”—MATTHEW6:14–15

Bearwitheachotherandforgiveoneanotherifanyofyouhasagrievanceagainstsomeone.ForgiveastheLordforgaveyou.—COLOSSIANS3:13

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

YaelEcksteinisPresidentandCEOoftheInternationalFellowshipofChristiansandJews,thelargestcharitableorganizationinIsraelandthelargestChristian-supportedhumanitarianorganizationhelpingIsraelandtheJewishpeople.TheFellowshipraisesmorethan$127millionannually,helping1.5millionJewsinneedinIsraelandaroundtheworld.

Yaelleadsallministryprogramsandservesastheinternationalenvoyandon-airadvocate,givinghertheraredistinctionofbeinga

womanleadingoneoftheworld’slargestreligiouscharities.SherecentlywasnamedbyaleadingJewishpublicationasoneofthe“top100individualswhohavepositivelyinfluencedJewishlife”forherworkas“theworld’sleadingJewishinterfaithactivist.”

Priortoherpresentduties,YaelservedasGlobalExecutiveVicePresident,SeniorVicePresident,andDirectorofProgramDevelopmentandMinistryOutreach.Yaelwastrainedforleadershipforover16yearsbyherfather,RabbiYechielEckstein,whofoundedTheFellowshipin1983byreachingouttoChristiansandbuildingbridgesoftrustandmutualeffortbasedontheirsharedloveoftheBibleandsupportforIsraelandtheJewishpeople.

Yael’swritingshaveappearedinavarietyofrespectedpublications,includingTheJerusalemPost,FoxNews,TheChristianPost,andTheTimesofIsrael.Sheistheauthoroftwobooks:HolyLandReflections:ACollectionofInspirationalInsightsfromIsrael,andSpiritualCookingwithYael.Inaddition,herinsightsintolifeinIsrael,theJewishfaith,andJewish-ChristianrelationscanbeheardonTheFellowship’sradioprogramHolyLandMoments,whichairsfivetimesaweekonnearly1,000stationsintheU.S.,Canada,andbeyond.

BorninChicagoandnowaproudcitizenofIsrael,Yaelandherhusband,Amichai,aretheproudparentsofMeyora,Liam,Sapir,andShimmy,towhomtheyareimpartingthelegacyoffaith.