PowerPoint Presentation

Games and Autobiography:Game Design is my PsychologistAlex Camilleri

ROME 18-19 MARCH 2016

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaHi everyone, thanks for joining my talk today. Its called as you can see Games and Autobiography: Game Design is my Psychologist and it covers some aspects on how making an autobiographycal game helped me understanding more about myself. I have to start with a disclaimer though.

DISCLAIMERTHIS TALK IS CODE-FREE

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaThis talk is Code-Free (I suspect unlike the majority of talks at the Codemotion)2

DISCLAIMERTHIS TALK IS NOT ABOUTProgrammingMaking tons of moneyBecoming successfulWhat games you SHOULD make

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaThis means that is not tech-oriented, its not about programming, about how to become millionares or successful, and Im not here to tell you what games you SHOULD be making.3

DISCLAIMERTHIS TALK IS PERSONAL

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaIt is a personal talk that I hope youll find interesting and perhaps will inspire you to make personal projects. This said4

WHO AM I? (the short version)Alex CamilleriGame Designer and DeveloperKalopsia GamesMemoir En Code

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaMy name is Alex, and Im a game designer and developer. I have a one-man-company called Kalopsia Games, I recently released the game Memoir En Code and people apparently liked it (which is the reason why Im here today)5

OVERVIEWWho am I? (the extended (but still short) version)Autobiography in GamesFirst ExperimentsMemoir En CodeGame Design: a self-reflexive practiceConclusion

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaThis is an overview of the talk, Ill start with an extended version of my introduction, talk about autobiography in games and then move on to present few autobiographical project I made and eventually Memoir En Code. The goal is to explain how game design became a self-reflexive practice or how I learnt more about myself through game design.6

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Born in Palermo, Italy

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaSo who am I? Im Alex and I was born in Palermo7

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Grew up in Sicily

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaI grew up in Sicily8

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Played videogames since I was a kid

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaAs probably the majority of you, I played tons of videogames since I was little, Indy with my dad, this awesome Batman game on the Atari LYNX with my brother, or MYST when I was visiting my aunt here in Rome when I was a kid.9

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Never been a particularly good student

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaThis is a nice way to say that I was quite bad at school, if you can read italian you can see that these are not great grades for a highschool student. And I think one of the reasons why I was not good is because I was VERY MUCH into videogames10

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Started with game journalism

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaand I start my career as a game journalist for many years (pretty much until GDC 2011).11

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Dropped out (twice) from Universit degli Studi di Palermo

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaBefore that I dropped out twice from university, since I was too busy reviewing games and spending my time learning the basics of game programming and prototyping.12

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Games, Art, Not Art, Not Games, Whatever

Fatale (Tale of Tales, 2009)Nega Kon (Bahrami, 2011)

The Marriage (Humble, 2007)

Everyday the Same Dream (Molleindustria, 2009)

I Wish I Were the Moon (Benmergui, 2009)

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsia developed a strong interest in unconventional games, or notgames or whatever theyre considered. I was so tired of analysing and writing about games that I felt like it was time I would start making games for real13

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Games, Art, Not Art, Not Games, Whatever

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaI went to few events and met some indies that wanted to make new kinds of games14

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Moved to the Netherlands

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaSo I moved to Breda in the Netherlands15

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Studied Game Design and Production

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaWhere I studied Game Design and Production16

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Met Michelle

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaI met Michelle, my girrlfriend, and weve lived together since then.17

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Lots of conferences and game jams

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaI attanded lots of game conferences and gamejams this is probably very familiar and this allowed me to18

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Moved to the UK

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaTo move to Cambridge in the UK. So me and Michelle went in the UK19

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Sony Guerrilla Cambridge - RIGS

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaDuring an internship I did game and level design on the game RIGS at Sony Guerrilla, after which20

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Moved back to the Netherlands

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaWe moved back to the Netherlands.21

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Founded Kalopsia Games

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaI decided to open my own tiny one-man-company called Kalopsia. And I mean I really had a great time at Guerrilla but I think I felt like I wanted to devote my time onto more personal projects.22

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Michelle moved to Malm, Sweden

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaWhile I was finishing my studies, Michelle Moved to Malm doing her master in Interaction Design23

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Long-distance relationship

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaAnd we started a long-distance relationship, which totally sucked. It was really frustrating and we were both quite unhappy, so we traveled back and forth a lot (like once a month).24

WHO AM I? (the extended version)I moved to Malm

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaSo I said, screw it, Im moving to Malm too.25

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Worked in Copenhagen, Denmark

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaAfter moving I worked for half a year in a game company in Copenhagen (which btw is just 20 minutes away from Malm)26

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Started working on my autobiographical game

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaAnd I eventually started working on my thesis project and commercial release Memoir En Code.27

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Day and night

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaDay and night note the desperate look at the bottom right. For part of the development Michelle weekly filmed me and questioned me about the game, it was a very interesting practice, and Ill get back to it shortly28

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Released Memoir En Code!

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaAnd I eventually released it, and people liked it!29

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Joined Codemotion 2016, Rome

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaAnd then people took a flight to Rome and now Im here talking to you.30

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Why are you telling us all this stuff, Alex?

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaSo why are you telling us all of this? 31

WHO AM I? (the extended version)Personal stories can be interesting

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaIts because my project is very personal and so is most of what I do. I think that all of us have stories to tell, personal one, that can be interesting and shared with other people in different ways. And through games we can also do that and thats what I try and do.32

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN GAMESBut what is Autobiography?

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaOne of this ways is through games, where autobiography exists in different forms33

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN GAMESAutobiography

An account of a persons life written by that person (Oxford dictionaries, n.d.)

from birth to death/fame; chronological, linear, factual narrative; purports to get the facts right; involves research and factual accuracy history as opposed to how one remembers ones own life (Alden, 2011)

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaBy definition, an autobiography is an account of a persons life written by that person, and usually is conssidered to be from birth to death, chronological, linear, with factual narrative. I think what we call autobiographical games are more in line with the literary genre of Memoir. 34

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN GAMESMemoir

Originates in memory, in personal experience. And the contract with the reader is that youre telling the truth as you know it and have discovered it and believe it to be true. Usually takes a portion of a life; childhood, for example, or deals with a specific theme or experience and disregards the rest of the life (Alden, 2011)

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaA memoir originates in personal experience and usually takes a portion of a life, disregarding the rest of the life. I think my work and many other projects published by other developers are more in line with this definition, but I guess is a semanthic problem to some degree. Its definitely the reason why my game is called Memoir En Code though.35

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN GAMESHeavy Rain

Quantic Dream, 2010Papo & YoMinority Media, 2012PassageJason Rohrer, 2007

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaBut autobiography in games doesnt appear in one single form, its not black and white, so Ill shortly show how three very different games, Heavy Rain, Papo & Yo and Passage have autobiographical elements in different measures.36

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN GAMESHeavy Rain

(Quantic Dream, 2010)

Authorial figure Team sizeDavid Cage, Writer/Director ~100

Autobiographical traitStory inspired by Cages experience of losing his son in a supermarket. Settings and characters are fictional.

The starting point of Heavy Rain is, what would've happened if I didn't find my son again (Ohannessian, 2011, para. 1)

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaHeavy Rain, developed by Quantic Dream on PS3, was developed by a team of around 100 people lead by David Cage as Writer/Director. In an interview, Cage explained how the story was inspired by his experience of losing his son in a supermarket. He said that the starting point of Heavy Rain is, what wouldve happened if I didnt find my son again?.So with such a huge team and project scope, the production moved towards fictional characters and settings.37

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN GAMESPapo & Yo(Minority Media, 2012)

Authorial figure Team sizeVander Caballero, Designer 12

Autobiographical traitGame based on Caballeros experience of having an alcoholic father. The game fully embraces metaphor to tell the story

To my mother, brothers and sisters with whom I survived the monster in my father (Minority Media, 2012)

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaPapo & Yo was developed by 12 devs at Minority Media, lead by Vander Caballero as a designer. In this game the autobiographical component is much stronger since the game is based on Caballers experience of having an alcoholic father. Even in this case, the game fully embraces metaphor to address the narrative for many reasons, one of them is because such a tough topic and story is hard to digest in its raughest form.38

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN GAMESPassage(Jason Rohrer, 2007)

Authorial figure Team sizeJason Rohrer, Author 1

Autobiographical traitGame based on Rohrers thoughts on life and death after a friend passed away. Strong metaphorical component.

And if you're wondering, I do have light hair and blue eyes, and my spouse does have red hair and green eyes. [] That's me and my spouse in there, distilled down to 8x8 pixels each (Rohrer, 2007b)

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaThen theres Passage, but I could have taken many others of Rohrers games to be honest. It was a solo project based on his thoughts on life and death after a friend passed away. It has a strong metaphorical component in terms of game mechanics, but in the manifesto he wrote This is exactly what I loved about his project. There was a clear and direct connection between the designer and the player, and there was no other layer between the two.39

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN GAMESMemoir En Code(Alex Camilleri, 2015)

Authorial figure Team sizeAlex Camilleri, Author 1

Autobiographical traitGame based on a several personal life events.Steers away from metaphor.

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaSo this was my aproach to Memoir En Code, which is very much similar in terms of autobiographical component to Rohrers work. What I tried to do with my project, though, was to steer away from metaphor, I didnt want mechanics or aesthetics to be a symbol for something else. I wanted to create something rough and direct that would put my personal story in contact with the player.40

FIRST EXPERIMENTSSome of my autobiographical prototypes

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaMemoir En Code was not my first experiment though. For many years, even before I moved to the Netherlands, I played with the idea of making very personal games.41

FIRST EXPERIMENTSBloomRelationship betweenme and my brother

Dynamics inside my family

Mechanics as metaphor

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaBloom was supposed to be a game about the relationship between me and my brother. After highschool I think I was having some problems sharing my space with him and I wanted to show this through a game in which you showed two different realities of specific events, so using mechanics as metaphor. Then the project transformed into a bigger picture of the dynamics inside my family and I eventually never worked on it (and thats probably for the best)42

FIRST EXPERIMENTSBoundFeeling lost

Feeling confused

Mechanics = Message

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaBound was made during a Game Prototype Challenge, and I think it was right before I decided to move to the Netherlands. In this case I wanted to use emchanics to express a specific feeling, feeling lost or out of place, while at the same time feeling stuck, so using mechanics as direct message43

FIRST EXPERIMENTSThe MirrorLeaving friends/family behind

Being alone

Mechanics and aesthetics holding meaning

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaThe Mirror was heavily inspired by The Graveyard and Passage, and I made it I think when I knew I was about to live to the Netherlands. Its a game about leaving family and friends behind and the fear of being alone. In this case the aesthetics gained a stronger importance in carrying the meaning of the game.44

FIRST EXPERIMENTSThe WalkInspired by a walk with Michelle

Joy of sharing a moment

Feeling a bond

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaThe last one and for sure the most experimental one, was The Walk. Its probably the one with the weakest autobiographical component, it was just inspired by a walk with Michelle. One evening we were walking on this sort of countryside street, and it was all calm and we were holding hands and I felt this joy of sharing a very simple moment. So I said why not, lets make a game in which players ACTUALLY have to hold hands. Thsi was made during the GGJ 2012 I think.45

FIRST EXPERIMENTSAutobiographical prototypes

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaIm showing you these project to clarify that games can be very personal and can show that in very different way, and theres not one way of doing that (its actually the countrary). And I doubt that without these small experiments I would have ended up making Memoir En Code.46

MEMOIR EN CODEAutobiographical game album

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaHeres a trailer of the game so that you can finally understand a bit more about it.47

MEMOIR EN CODEMusic

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaWhile developing Memoir En Code I was listening to a lot of music albums and I felt kind of jelous of the music medium. Music albums are devided in tracks, each one giving different feelings, and they are not demanding to the listeners (at least on a superficial level). In 20-40 minutes you listen to an album andeveryone, like EVERYONE can do that. So I got obsessed with the idea of creating a hybrid between a music album and a videogame, so I made a game album.48

MEMOIR EN CODEAutobiographical game album?Collection of games (tracks)

All of them autobiographical

Bi-directional linear progression

~30 minutes playtime (basic)

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaSo I made a collection of small games, all of them autobiographical (because that was my focus) for a total of around 30 minutes of basic playtime. This means that to actually finish and understand the game youll probably have to play it many tames. I also designed Memoir En Code to have a bi-directional linear progression, meaning that you dont have a menu from which you select the game that you want to play, but you can move from one to the other because the actual sequence is part of the design. Its basically the same thing as using a music cd.49

MEMOIR EN CODEAutobiographical game album0. Pieces1. resund2. Oranje3. Laurana4. Otoloop5. S.S.S.6. Precisione7. Silippo8.

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaThere are a total of 9 tracks and all of them have different gameplay, looks and mood. So lets get to the point of the talk, which is what game design taught me about myself?50

GAME DESIGN: A SELF-REFLEXIVE PRACTICEGame Design is my psychologist

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsia

51

GAME DESIGN: A SELF-REFLEXIVE PRACTICEOtoloopORIGINAL IDEAA game about my childhood complex

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaOtoloop is probably one of the most personal tracks of the game, and its based on my childhood school-fear of being bullied because of my ears. Its something that with time you stop caring about and eventually overcome, but definitely a huge huge problem for many kids and teens, often overlooked by friends/family. Even right now, you are probably thinking oh yeah not a big deal but its difficult to grasp the psychological impact that it has. And I thougt ok, I will make the game about the fact that I used to grow my hair to cover them up, and my fear to go to the barber-shop to have a haircut, so I made it. And while I was designing it and playing I realized that, look at me, I still grow my hair despite the fact that I dont even think about it.52

GAME DESIGN: A SELF-REFLEXIVE PRACTICEOtoloopUNDERSTANDINGCarrying a childhood complex

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaI realized that the game was much more about carrying a childhood complex that the depiction of it, so I eventually made Otoloop the only looping track of the game, to underline how its difficult to get past childhood a childhood complex.53

GAME DESIGN: A SELF-REFLEXIVE PRACTICELauranaORIGINAL IDEAA game about struggling to study. Dealing with expectations.

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaLaurana is another interesting example on how designing the game allowed me to understand more about myself. So the idea was to make a game about how difficult it was to study in our house in Palermo, and how annoying it was to see how my parents were always disappointed despite my best efforts. So I made a game in which you have to find a quite space in the house, and there are different sources of noise, and you can move and close doors to optimize the silence around you, and its kinda silly but also beautiful because I designed the simple Ais to behave exactly how my family members would (so for instance my brother has a higher chance of leaving door opens and so on). But despite this, by making the game quite difficult I found out something.54

GAME DESIGN: A SELF-REFLEXIVE PRACTICELauranaUNDERSTANDINGLack of personal space.

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaI found out that I just needed my personal space. I could spend all my effort moving in the house, moving here and there, but the result would always be that it didnt work. And regardles of the school results, the constant was a lack of personal space, which I hopefully solved by moving to the Netherlands.55

GAME DESIGN: A SELF-REFLEXIVE PRACTICESilippoORIGINAL CONCEPTBedtime story my dad used to tell me.

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaThe last one is Silippo, wich is (nbut not entirely true) the closing track of Memoir En Code. I thought that I wanted to make a game about a bettime story that my dad used to tell me when I was little. So one day I called my dad and asked him to write the story down, and it was actually quite funny, because to some degree the character of that story (Silippo) I guess he was a future version of me or my brother, so it was kind of an inception between me as a designer, the player as me, my dad as the designer of the story, and me as Silippo. In this case I wanted to create this feeling of innocence and at the same time of safety and bond that you can feel when you are close to a loved one. 56

GAME DESIGN: A SELF-REFLEXIVE PRACTICESilippoUNDERSTANDINGSolitude and distance from parents and family

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaAnd only after designing the game and the interactions, I realized that the feeling that I ended up recreating was the one of eventual melancoly of not being close to parents and family, but knowing that the beauty of memories is that they connect people and theyre timeless, they live in the past, present and future.57

CONCLUSIONGame Design can help you

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaIn other words, game design helped me and can help you understanding more about myself and my own life, even if you dont really know about it.58

CONCLUSION

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaIn other words, game design helped me and can help you understanding more about myself and my own life, even if you dont really know about it.59

CONCLUSIONPersonal = Good

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaAnd Id like to remind you that there are an infinite amount of types of games that we CAN make, games that are personal and that can tell simple stories about simple people with simple lives. Each one of us has memories and stories (even the simplest one) that are shared among thousands of people and that can be expressed through games. So like many other developers who keep inspiring me did and are still doing, you can also work on something personal that can leave a trace of you.60

CONCLUSION

Memoir En Code on Steam (soon)!

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsiaNow Im preparing for the Steam release of Memoir En Code in May, but if youre curious you can already get the game and youll receive the new version when its out.61

REFERENCESLudographyBahrami, M. (2011). Nega kon. [PC], Iran: Self-published Benmergui, D. (2009). I wish I were the moon. [PC], Argentinia: Self-publishedCamilleri, A. (2015). Memoir en code. [PC], Sweden: Self-publishedHumble, R. (2007). The marriage. [PC], USA: Self-publishedMinority Media. (2012). Papo & yo. [PS3], Canada: Self-publishedMolleindustria. (2009). Everyday the same dream. [PC], USA: Self-publishedQuanticDream. (2010). Heavy rain. [PS3], USA: Sony Computer EntertainmentRohrer, J. (2007a). Passage. [PC], USA: Self-publishedTale of Tales. (2009). Fatale. [PC], Belgium: Self-publishedBibliographyAlden, P. B. (2011). What exactly is a literary memoir? Retrieved June 12, 2015, from http://paulettealden.com/articles/what-exactly-is-a-literary-memoir-2/Autobiography. (n.d.). In Oxford dictionaries. Retrieved June 10, 2015, from http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/autobiographyOhannessian, K. (2012). A conversation with Heavy Rain creator David Cage continues[Spoilers]. Retrieved May 25, 2015, from http://www.fastcompany.com/1558728/conversation-heavy-rain-creator-david-cagecontinues-spoilersRohrer, J. (2007b). What I was trying to do with Passage. Retieved June 13, 2015, from http://hcsoftware.sourceforge.net/passage/statement.html

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsia

Thanks!

ROME 18-19 MARCH 2016Alex Camilleri@AlexKalopsia

All pictures belongto their respective authors

www.memoirencode.com

www.memoirencode.com@AlexKalopsia