7/29/2019 Funny Facebook Status Updates - Wit and Wisdom

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Archive for the Wit and Wisdom Category

Funny Facebook Status Updates : Wit and Wisdom

Posted on the March 2nd, 2010 underWit and Wisdomby

1. When you have a flask, every hour is happy hour.2. Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.3. Never drink waterif it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach.4. It doesnt matter what temperature the room is. Its always room-temperature.5. Always forgive your enemiesNothing annoys them so much.6. When youre right, no one remembers. When youre wrong, no one forgets.7. Always borrow money from a pessimist.A He wont expect it back.8. If you cant see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.9. Where theres a will, there are five hundred relatives.10.Accept that some days youre the pigeon and some days youre the statue.11.The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,

theres a 90% probability youll get it wrong.

12.If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no womanaround to hear him, is he still wrong?

13.Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.14.Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.15.Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.16.Never forget a friend, especially those that owe youChinese Proverb17.You cant have everything, where would you put it?18.Strangers have the best candy.19.Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, youll be a mile

from them, and youll have their shoes. -Jack Handy

20.If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!21.When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.22.Keep smilingit makes everyone wonder what youre up to.23.Theres always a light at the end of the tunneljust hope its NOT a train!24.If it doesnt fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway. 25.If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.26.Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get

from not reading it.

27.Money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery much easier to live with.28.Whoever said money cant buy happiness doesnt know where to shop.

29.There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who cant.30.Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.31.Money cant buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.32.Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.33.When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.34.Theres nothing more restful than taking orders from fools.35.He who laughs last didnt get the joke.36.Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?37.Id rather have Lockheed deliver the mail than ride around in a plane built by the post

office.38.Time flies when you dont know what youre doing.

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7/29/2019 Funny Facebook Status Updates - Wit and Wisdom

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39.Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.40.We are the people our parents warned us about.41.Love your enemies. Itll make em crazy.42.Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with

experience.

43.Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hearthem speak.44.Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.45.He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.46.Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.47.Always borrow money from a pessimist. He wont expect it back.48.Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.49.When in doubt, mumble.50.To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.51.A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.52.When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses

water.53.Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.54.If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, youll have trouble putting on your pants.55.What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you cant

understand.