From the work of Paul Axtell

Conversation

A spoken exchange of thoughts, opinions and feelings; talk.

Program ContentListen in a new wayHave meaningful conversationsFollow through on commitmentsTreat what you do as if it mattersDesign effective meetings

“Talking about tough issues in meaningful ways”

“The essence of good listening is empathy, which can be achieved only by suspending our preoccupation with ourselves and entering into the experience of the other person.” Michael Nichols

“Speaker and listener are constantly jockeying for position, one’s needs competing with the other’s. If you doubt it, try telling someone about a problem you are having and see how long it takes before he interrupts to tell you about a problem of his own or to offer advice…” Nichols

Listening• Tell me about yourself

• Tell me about your family

• Tell me about when you recently experienced making a difference

• Tell me about the neighborhood where you grew up

• Tell me about a current project you are excited about

Conversation Relationship

Can we treat it like it matters?

What value would that have?

Conversation MattersMaybe it’s all we’ve gotOur culture tells us it doesn’t matter

(actions speak louder than words?)Context… & Coke spillsTaking people for grantedOur desire for comfort limits our

conversations

Our future is defined by our conversations today

Complete Communication

1. You say it

2. I get it

3. You get it that I got it

If you leave out #3, they will crank up the drama

To every conversation….

Set up

Process/content

Closure

Working with Problems

Normal Context = Problems are Bad!DenialShift of blameOh _____!What is wrong with me? You? It?If I try harder, it will turn out

Same Problem/Different Context

OK good, we’ve got a problem!Now, what is true?Its OK for problems to be brought forwardBarrier becomes challengeStrategic thinking possible

What’s So? So What? Now What?

Complaint Management

Context - person complaining is awesome!

Just hear itBehind every

complaint…View optionsPeel the onion

More on ComplaintsKeep asking…What else?Check for completion

80% are solved by listeningWhat do you see you can do about that?Look at options with complainerDrive conversation to commitmentPush them to action

What is the value of this?

So, they have shared the concerns/complaintsThey have been heard, appreciatedGuided toward appropriate actionThey feel respected, valued

Results Well-being

MeetingsContextThis meeting

mattersMy participation

mattersThis is my meeting

even if I am not leading it

MeetingsGround rules:Meta

conversationsClear intentAdvantage of

public decisionsAsk people to

take on a future they are not sure they can produce

Decision making:

70% want it 30% can live with it If person can’t live

with it, they have responsibility for finding alternative direction

X by Y OK to not get all the

way there today

Key Design FeaturesWhat do we want to produce - if you don’t

know, askWhere are they, coming into the meeting?How do we want the meeting to go?What issues or concerns do they have about

this topic?Consensus –70/30Watch out for - calling one when there are

options; drifting

Leaders guideManage the conversationClarity about the topic and outcomeOne conversation at a timeAll conversations taken to completionClear transitionsEveryone listening and paying

attentionEveryone taken care of throughout the

conversation

Conversational movesThank you. I appreciate being told. Can we

set up a time to discuss this?Where are you with this?It seems you have an issue with ___. Have

you spoken with her?This is what I got from speaking with you.What else?By when will you do that?

Taking Care of People

Use their nameThank themGive them creditBuild on what they

sayDon’t resist themSpeak to them on

breaks, before and after

Ask for their views

Avoid distracting behavior

Check back with themInvite them into the

conversationCredit them with

changing your thinking

Welcome and introduce new members

AcknowledgementPeople want to make a difference and they

want to be told they do.What do I tell others about someone but

never tell them?What do I really appreciate about the people

I work withWhat recent results, accomplishments

should we be proud of?

Acknowledgement

I like what you have

I like what you do

I like who you are...

A final word on context

You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people, than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Dale Carnegie