From the Editor

Happy Valentine's Day! We hope you have a lovely day wherever you are in the wor ld and wha tever your relat ionship status is. Kenya's beautiful weather means we are lucky to have flowers all the year around. Nairobi streets will be awash in red roses by the stem, bouquet or arrangement and people will be wearing red. The hotels are gearing up for romantic dinners and weekend getaways. Boyfriends, partners, significant others and spouses have been making plans to celebrate their relationships. We singles have made our plans too. My widows group will be going out to lunch. We will laugh a lot, tell naughty jokes, share stories and memories and shed a few tears for our spouses. Above all we will enjoy one another's company. We call ourselves “The Circle of Hope”. Where would we be without the encouragement and support of our female friends! It is our prayer that you find the articles in Femnet equally support ive and inspiring and that you will be motivated to write about something from your life that might encourage another woman.

We have an interesting potpourri of articles for you this month. Mumbai's world famous soprano, Patricia Rozario writes about “Growing up in Santa Cruz” and how she gives back by encouraging and teaching young Indian singers to reach world class standards. Twelve year old Alayna Fernandes tells the story of her battle against cancer with the help of her mother Vea Fernandes in “Feeling Confident”. Dr. Lakshmi Persaud relates a frightening childhood experience and eulogises her cousin Bal in “See Saw Margery Daw”.

Cynthia Fernandes encourages us to overcome past diff icult ies and think positively in her article “To Ponder on…in 2014” while Colleen D'Souza describes the effects of the recent polar vortex in North America with “Ice Storm”. Mafie D'Sa reinforces our overall vision of women helping one another in “Ladies Who Lunch” and Adeline Johnson shares how she managed to balance single motherhood and a career in “My Experience with Child Minding”.

Be encouraged and inspired!

Happy Valentine's Day!

(for the Editorial Team)

Issue 23 | Page 1Visit us at femnet.goanet.org

Issue 23 | February 2014 | 4 Pages | For free circulation only

When I was growing up in Santa Cruz West, Mumbai with my parents and four brothers there was always a lot of singing and piano playing in the house, guided by my mother who taught us and accompanied us on the piano on every occasion. Dad was a tenor and brought music back from Italy and London when he travelled on work. Mum is a soprano (still going strong at 91) and I loved it when we all sang Goan folksongs together in harmony.

I remember many of the adults and youngsters in the parish had beautiful natural voices and sang for the love of it. I was lucky that my parents allowed me to go to L o n d o n t o s t u d y singing, with the hope that I would come back, settle down and teach singing. However, my first singing teacher in London was amazed by my progress vocally and insisted that my parents allow me to stay in Europe and try to make a career! This became a reality when I met my husband, pianist Mark Troop and we set out on a path to make careers in music and have a family together. We are very proud of our two children, Olivia and George who have put up with all our comings and goings and still turned out well!

Thirty-five years after I left India to study in London I was able to consider coming back on a regular basis to teach singing to youngsters. We started in December 2009 and January 2010 and visited the National Centre for Performing Arts (NCPA) Mumbai and Kala Academy Goa three times a year to do intensive vocal training. We were very pleased with the response and commitment of those eager to learn to sing well. We

we re i nv i t ed t o Pune , Ahmedabad and Delhi to run our course later and have now completed four years of teaching singing in India.

We have established the "Giving Voice to India" (GVI) programme which has singers coming from Bangalore, Coimbatore, Nagpur, Jamshedpur, Hyderabad and other cities. We are also training teachers so that our students can be taught using our methods while we are away. We could not have done this without the help of our dedicated volunteers.

Every t ime we visit there are new students and I am so thrilled to hear these beautiful voices emerge. When I left India to go and study music not many p e o p l e w o u l d have considered making a living out of performing

but now there is a big change in attitudes. I am constantly surprised by young Indians who tell me they are mad about opera!

Several years before we started GVI, I had taken Joanne D'Mello, a young soprano from Goa to London to study with me at the Royal College of Music. After doing very well in London she is now doing a Masters in Leipzig, Germany.

Three years ago another student, Oscar Castellino, a baritone, gained a place at the RCM and is now working with me in his third year with great success in opera. This year, we had two more students audition for Trinity College of Music, London and they have both been offered places to start in September.

Things are starting to happen after four years of hard work and we are very excited. Last year we put on a short opera, “The Little Sweep” at the NCPA, by the English composer Benjamin Britten with an all Indian cast. In August this year we plan to perform "Dido and Aeneas" by Henry Purcell, with many more of our students, in Mumbai, Goa, Pune and Delhi.

Make sure you catch a performance at one of the venues - it is an excellent piece. I know we are still at the beginning of a journey but it has been well worth all the long hours of work and it feels like a dream is starting to become a reality.

Patricia Rozario (UK)

Born in Bombay, Patricia Rozario gained a BA in English and French from Bombay University before coming to London to study at the Guildhall School of Music, winning the Gold Medal and the Maggie Teyte Prize. She also studied at the National Opera Studio in London and won many other prizes. Since then her career has developed in opera, concert work, recording and broadcasting. She established the “Giving Voice to India” programme several years ago. She is married to a fellow musician and they have two children. Further details can be found in Patricia's website - www.patriciarozario.com

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GROWING UP IN SANTA CRUZ

Issue 23 | Page 2

My name is Alayna. I live with my mum, Vea, my dad, W i l l i a m , m y b r o t h e r, Nathaniel, 17 and my 15-year-old sister Alyssa. I also have a pet dog called ZenaZoo.

I love playing with my dog, doing arts and crafts, fun science experiments and running, but I used to get a lot of pain in my leg.

One day I found that one leg was longer than the other so I went to the hospital with my mum and dad. The doctor took an MRI of my body and found that my pelvis was tilted.

A few days later we went to stay on the children's ward so they could take some tests like a bone scan and CT scan. The next week the doctor explained that I had a lump in my left pelvis that was pushing my leg out to make it longer and giving me lots of pain. The lump is a tumour, a type of cancer called Ewing's Sarcoma.

The doctor explained that a body is made up of millions of tiny cells you can only see through a microscope, The cells sometimes start to divide up to make new cells too

quickly and do not do their job properly. That means lots of damaged cells multiply and form a lump - cancer. To find the treatment for me they had to do a small operation called a biopsy so the doctors could look at a tiny sample of t h e t u m o u r u n d e r a microscope.

When we found what the tests showed, the doctor explained that I would need s o m e m e d i c i n e c a l l e d chemotherapy. Soon after that, I had another small operation to put my central line in. The doctor explained that the chemotherapy would

have to go on a drip through my central line, a PICC line. I called mine 'Wiggly'! The treatment took a while but I did not have to stay in hospital all the time. Altogether I had 14 cyc l e s o f chemothe rapy. Chemotherapy didn't hurt but it made me feel a bit weird and I didn't feel like eating, so I had a nose tube fitted. When that came out I had a tube in my tummy that I called 'Suzie'.

After my chemotherapy the doctors said I

had to have radiotherapy. I did not mind radiotherapy but one of the side effects is that the area that is getting treated gets very itchy!

There were times during treatment when I thought: 'why me?' and my mum would reassure me by saying I was a brave girl and would come through it. I tried not to think about the bad things and concentrated on things which make me happy.

When treatment was finished I had all my tubes taken out and a big 'Well Done' party. The most important thing for me during treatment was being constantly in touch with my family and friends all over the world. We were really blessed to have the full support of all the staff in the ward - nurses, doctors, play specialists, teachers and therapists.

The cancer has gone but doctors will continue to monitor my progress over the next 12 months. I learnt so much in hospital and with God's grace; I am now a stronger more confident person. Now I really appreciate my Mum's cooking.

I am so happy to be back at school and all my friends and family are very supportive.

I look forward to a wonderful 2014!

FEELING CONFIDENT

Alayna Fernandes with the help of Vea Fernandes (UK)

In September 2012 11-year-old Alayna Fernandes from Reading UK was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma, a condition where cancer cells are found in the bone in soft tissue. Here is her story as narrated to her mother, Vea.

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To this day, that incident sits beside me.

During the August holidays, I would go to the home of my cousin Bal to play “three holes” with marbles, hop scotch, skipping, hide and seek, knights in armour jousting, bandits, Tarzan and Robin Hood. The houses in the compound were made of mud walls with thatched roofs. My cousin Bal, my best fr iend, was always kind and considerate.

On that memorable day, we were in the house, not sitting inside the hammock swinging and singing as we often did, because you can't play “See Saw” that way. Bal sat at one end of the hammock, which was before the open door facing the yard. I sat at the other end, inside the house, close to the mud wall separating the gallery from the bedrooms.

I would push the mud wall with my feet, and out Bal would go, flying through the open door, into the yard. As the hammock swung back in, I kept my feet straight, ready to push out against the wall. Up and down, up and down, on and on we went, enjoying ourselves while the ropes attached to the rafter creaked. Then Bal said, “Let us exchange. I am having a far better ride than you, I'm flying high out into the yard, while, you have nowhere to go because of the wall.

Together, we jumped off; then on again together, taking each other's place.

Then it happened.

I saw a bright light upon me; slowly I regained consciousness. I was lying in the yard, with the sun above and dust flowing from the house. There, on the earthen floor, the massive wall I was pushing against lay still, exposing the bedrooms.

Bal was nowhere. I went all around calling; nothing. Suddenly, I ran out of the house, searching for an adult, the open, pervading silence reminded me that all able men and women were working in the fields. “Help! Help!”I screamed and screamed.

Two women opened their front door.

“Bal is under the wall. It fell on him.”

“Is this a joke?”

“Come,” I cried, “you must come.”

“Hurry, hurry,” I urged.

When they arrived, “Nothing is under that wall,” they said, “look the wall is flat, not raised anywhere; stupid child.”

“He is there. He is there,” I insisted, panicking, though I was not sure myself, but where else could he be?

They tried to lift the heavy wall; it kept breaking in their hands.

“Nothing is there. The child is lying. We can't lift this wall.”

Silence.

Then, “Go call the men from the rum shop.” I ran all the way; three men came with me.

After a while lifting : “I'm seeing black feathers.”

“It is a black hen, this child lying.” They were gasping in the dust.

It took some time to lift. Bal was found and taken to the local hospital by car.

Two days after, the doctor said, he had no injury. And so it appeared to those who cannot see. Bal was left with a cough all his life, due to the amount of dust he was forced to breathe in, for such a long time. Couldn't they have removed it from his lungs?

To this day, I believe that incident shortened his life; he died thirty years ago. He died because he wanted me to have a better ride. I wished the wall had fallen when I was close to it; he died young because he was a kind, gentle soul.

I think daily of his many acts of kindness.

SEE SAW MARGERY DAW

Dr. Lakshmi Persaud (UK)

Issue 23 | Page 3Visit us at femnet.goanet.org

Last month we experienced one of the most beautiful (or devastating) weather phenomena in Eastern Canada. This was in the form of an ice storm – snow, followed by a light rain drizzle which lasted all evening and into the morning hours, resulting the most incredible picture-perfect postcard scene outside your window, or, as a great number of p e o p l e experienced, pure devastation.

The trees and all fixtures outdoors h a d t h e s e beautiful, exotic ice-forms hanging on wires, eaves, t roughs, t rees, branches, electric wires: icicles in all kinds of shapes and forms. They looked like crystals with the sunlight shining through dancing in rhythmic movement to the sway of the sound of the gentle rustling (crackling) breeze. This was a scene very rarely seen or heard of in many years, especially here in Toronto.

Driving through the side streets and back roads, the sight was magnificent until you hit upon a patch or more of pure devastation - not only branches laying across garden paths, but trees cracked right down the middle of the tree trunks and laying across the road, on cars, downed electrical wires crying out to

ICE STORM 2013

Colleen De Souza (Canada)

residents to beware not to drive over “live” wires.

Sidewalks and roads were like skating rinks. Electricity maintenance crews worked incessantly throughout this period trying to restore power to the hundreds of thousands residents who had outages,

s a c r i f i c i n g s p e n d i n g Christmas with their famil ies. This also caused havoc to many holiday travellers as flights were cancelled.

A couple of weeks la ter, another snow storm and freezing rain blew i n , w i t h

temperatures going down to –30C and -40C, crippling the cities and several communities once more. For those affected, it was a long cold harrowing experience. As it happened, all this came about just before Christmas, so people who rarely talk to their neighbours were not only welcoming each other into their homes, but took strangers in and offered help to the elderly, needy, mothers with young children, surely giving credence to the true meaning of the season.

Communities are still in recovery mode but this is certainly a phenomenon for the memory book.

TO PONDER…IN 2014

Cynthia Fernandes (Mumbai, India)

To me a Butterfly has always symbolized change, hope, love, peace, simplicity, strength and beauty – a new beginning for every ending. Mahatma Gandhi, the famous Indian political and spiritual leader said, 'you must be the change you want to see in the world'. In my own humble way, I would like to be the catalyst for that change.

Make 2014 your greatest year yet!!! You have the gift of life so anything is possible.

Use your voice and life to be a messenger of hope, a catalyst for change and inspiration to others in the New Year!! Remember, you have special gifts and talents which others do not have.

Clean your slate. No more left-overs! Refuse to let the disappointments, mistakes, setbacks or fai lures of yesterday rob you of the opportunities, breakthroughs and open doors that are waiting for you today.

Make failure an open door to a new future. Learn from the experience. Reassess your strategy. Change your approach. Plunge ahead with fresh energy, bold enthusiasm and a new game plan. Hold a spirit of optimism and positive expectation that

things will work out for you.

Continue to move forward. Your destiny is waiting just ahead for you.

Discover the brilliance of you!

SURPRISE YOURSELF…MANTRA FOR THE DAY… “I CAN DO IT”

There comes a time in life when you must make the difficult decision to let certain things go: a negative attitude that you know no longer serves you; a relationship where you are dying together, rather than growing together; an addiction that you know is destroying you and does not represent your character.

It takes courage to face the truth about who you are, the choices that you have been making in your life and to decide that it is just not me. I can't do this anymore. I

have had it.

It takes a level of self love, of dedication and determination to live your greatest life. So, look within. Look at every area of your life and ask yourself these questions: Am I on course? Am I growing mentally, emotionally and spiritually? If there is anything blocking that, anything preventing you from living your greatest life, make the tough decision to let it go. MOVE ON.

Life is about surrendering and releasing - surrendering and releasing all of the things, habits and behaviors that no longer serve you. You have something special…

TO BE WHO REALLY ARE. YOU CAN DO IT. I CAN DO IT. WE ALL CAN DO IT… LETS DO IT.

Happy New Year to you and your team. Thanks for sending me the Femnet regularly and I must say it is very enjoyable reading. It brings back memories of past and I am sure all of us enjoy this. We hope our families who live in these days and times will come to know about days gone by. I circulate the issues to some of my friends who also seem to enjoy the topics. Hazel Nazareth, Australia

Thank you, dear Betsy for your kind words of encouragement. I do so love what you are doing and look forward to every issue of Femnet. Fond wishes to you for 2014. Shehnaz Pinto, Mumbai, India

Once again I did enjoy the last issue of Femnet very much. Kudos to all the contributors and, of course, you ladies for putting it together. Colleen D'Souza, Canada

Great issue. Really liked the article on small sweet things! Cynthia PintoFounder Member

Scanning through the layout of the issues, I congratulate you on your adventurous endeavour. You have provided an excellent platform for women to reminisce of beautiful memories in their lives and share it with others. Great Going !!!! Kind regards, Hazel Viegas, Goa, India

Thanks so much for this Janis. I have thoroughly enjoyed it and particularly your articles! Mary Mwinzi

FEEDBACK MESSAGES

Issue 23 | Page 4Visit us at femnet.goanet.org

In 1980, when my son had grown up, I was pregnant again and confronted with the prospect of bringing up the baby as a single parent. I was deputy head of a large secondary school, so I decided my child would be far better off if I worked rather than live off benefits. This meant I would need to remain healthy and find a child-minder. I took great care of my health and worked until a week before I gave birth and went back to work five weeks afterwards.

I found my first child-minder, a loving woman who was mother to three daughters. I invited her to the hospital so that she could start to bond with my baby daughter as early as possible.

She picked up my baby from work since I had to be in very early to sort out staff absences. By the time we arrived at work, my daughter was asleep. I had a complaint that she was on the premises but she was always picked up before school officially started.

I was breast-feeding her and my biggest challenge was the evening before the day I started working again. I needed her to drink from the bottle and she fought for about five hours not to take it. Finally, out

of hunger and exhaustion she gave in.

I had been told by a health visitor that if I accepted the fact that I was going to work without her, the baby would also accept it and neither us would be anxious. So I did. I expressed my milk, locked it in a cupboard at work at lunchtime and exploded the myth that you cannot both breast-feed and bottle-feed a baby. She happily accepted both and at weekends I would feed on demand, so that I had enough milk for the next week.

I reasoned that it is vital that the child is loved both at home and with the child-minder. I thought that breast-feeding was the one thing I could do for her that the child-minder couldn't, so she would always know who her mother was.

I also decided that it was better that she was looked after in someone else's house rather than her own because she would eventually turn round and exert her authority over her own house rather than the care giver being in charge.

Stability is essential. I have witnessed children being passed between relatives during the week in order to save money. This I was not prepared to do. One move in the morning and evening was enough. I

LADIES WHO LUNCH

also did not send her to a play group or nursery for that very reason. Too many people are in charge of your child in these institutions – I preferred just one.

After a year my child-minder left the area and I also stopped breast feeding. My second child minder was less warm but more efficient. I moved to within 100 yards of my school in order to make life easier.

My daughter has grown up to be a lovely, caring individual, so I have no regrets about my decisions. During the holidays, I always took her back for a day a week, so that the contact was maintained.

A light hearted observation …

Women have a deep desire for both conversation and connection. Email and phones offer impersonal communication, w h i l e f a c e - t o - f a c e u n h u r r i e d conversat ions offer nourishment, encouragement and a joie de vivre!

In the circle of life, there comes a time when the kids have flown - so many years of parenthood – then one day, they're gone! We know the empty space they leave will be filled with more joy at seeing them achieve their aspirations.

So we find ourselves with spare time or rather the chance to re-connect on a different level with our girlfriends - our ME time when we meet up for either an invigorating spa day cum lunch or generally just lunch. Our conversation, not centered solely on children or grandchildren, tends to cover social, topical news, pol i t ics – virtual ly everything, including the inevitable gossip calypso!

We often drift into nostalgia, recalling our special youthful years in East Africa or

remembering our parents and their pearls of wisdom, as we relax over a glass of Merlot or Pinot Grigio and enjoy varied cuisines in restaurants with their certain je ne sais quoi ambience.

We meet maybe four times a year - travelling up on the tube to various spots in London – an ideal city, steeped in history everywhere with multicultural people and the ever present tourist. Not only do we put the world and each other to rights, but this bonding exercise has b e c o m e a n a l m o s t t h e ra p e u t i c experience.

Women need women to bounce ideas off, share worries, joys, health issues, as well as the occasional moan about him indoors. Men meet up usually at the pub or for a card game or to play sport with the competit ive streak that began in childhood.

Naturally, our talking, sharing and connecting, have on occasion led to “tamashas!” (storm in a tea-cup or in our case a wine glass) usually followed by post mortems via emails or calls. However,

once done and dusted with the air cleared somewhat, we are usually good to go again in the next few months - even when autumn leaves start to fall and the wintry months set in.

Our lunch group i s not un ique. Generations of women have and will continue to share their life woes and joys with women confidantes. In crisis, a woman's first reaction is “whatever has happened, we will come running… often with food”. As our senior years hover above us, it is often our girlfriends that make us believe in ourselves again… providing a gentle encouragement to venture on to pastures new.

Belief and faith are the vital ingredients that keep us hopeful, spiritually content and confident that there is always an answer to any prayer. Whatever the next ten years may bring, our group of Ladies who Lunch, provides the safety net that a close relationship brings. Life usually is not about where you are or what it is you are doing, it's who is there doing it with you, that makes experiences worthwhile and memorable.

Mafalda-Anne deSa (UK)

MY EXPERIENCE WITH CHILD-MINDERS

Adeline Johnson (UK)

Adeline Johnson is from England and is currently living in Goa, India. She taught mathematics in two large secondary schools in the UK (Pewsey, Wittshoe and Norwich) for 46 years in all with 18 of those as a Deputy Head. She played three instruments and tennis at County standard. Her two children were both international sportspersons, her son in table tennis and her daughter in badminton.