Summertimeand the living is not easyKathryn Harrison Brown, MA, PC

I n t H I S I S S u ESummertime and the Living Is not Easy…

From the Editor

Healing Grief through Art

A Child’s View

Book Review

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EDITORDiane Snyder Cowan, MA, MT-BCDirector

VOLUNTEER EDITORThelma Morris

EDITORIAL ASSISTANTFelicia Dunlap-Stanley

CONTRIBUTING WRITERSKathryn Harrison Brown, MA, PCBereavement Coordinator

Mollie Postotnik, MA, AT, PCArt Therapist

Susan Lakin, LISWPediatric Bereavement Coordinator

Shavaun Jones, M.ED., PCChildren’s Bereavement Coordinator

300 East 185th Street | Cleveland, OH 44119-1330 | 216.486.6838 | 800.707.8922 | hospicewr.org

“Summertime and the living is easy…” or so the old song says. It implies that summer is a time to relax, be carefree, enjoy simple pleasures and delight in all that is good about the warm weather. July 4th and Labor Day are celebrated as family and friends get together for fireworks, picnics, swim parties and barbecues. People relish gardening, planting flowers and vegetables, and watching the fruits of their labor grow. The sunshine feels warm on the face and there is a familiar smell in the air associated with the winds of summer.

For those whose loved one has died, the living may not be so easy and the things you enjoyed about summer in the past may not hold the same joy for you now. Gardening, for instance, may not bring the same pleasure it once did. Death changes people in many ways, and one common grief reaction is losing interest in things you once liked to do. The change may be just temporary, next year you may again enjoy yard work, parties, and other summer events.

Some grieving persons, on the other hand, love digging in the dirt, pulling weeds, and planting flowers. They find it therapeutic to feel the soil. They lose themselves for hours in the work, and feel that the physical exercise is good not only for the body but also the mind. People can work through many emotions while being physically active. Another benefit to hard work is that folks become so tired they sleep better at night.

Some individuals choose to create a memory garden in honor of their loved one and find comfort in tending it with loving care. They may decide to plant special flowers or select a beautiful statue to install. Whatever you find helpful for you during this time of grief is okay. There are no rules for the bereaved: what is right for one person may not help another. You do not have to journey alone. The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement Center is available if you need to talk with someone or would like information about support groups. Please call 216.486.6838.

GriefAboutGriefAboutVolume 21 | number 2 | Summer 2011

A puBliCAtion of thE EliSABEth SEvErAnCE prEntiSS BErEAvEMEnt CEntEr

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his has been a year of great change for Hospice of the Western Reserve. We have a new CEO, a new look with a new logo, a new site for our headquarters and our new Westside Ames Family Hospice House. The biggest change for the bereavement center is that we have moved to our beautiful location on the lake, called the Lakeshore Campus, which has been renovated to accommodate programming and services for the bereaved. The view of the lake is breathtaking, the healing gardens provide comfort and the ambience of the center is warm and inviting. We hope that you will like it as much as we do. As stressful as these changes have been, it has been a time for growth and renewal. We know that grief changes and challenges us too. For example, we change from spouse to widow or widower, from child to orphan. With the death of your loved one, your life and role in life is forever changed. Adjusting to a new role brings many challenges from paying bills to taking out the garbage to cooking for one to maintaining a car. The list is endless. There can be changes in relationships, routines, responsibilities, finances, spirituality, and life goals. Yet during this time of change and transition, there is growth. Be kind to yourself as you adjust to these life changes. Take time in making decisions, ask for and accept help, consider keeping a journal or joining a support group. Reflect on the positive – on what you’ve learned and accomplished during this time. And remember, you do not have to grieve alone. We continue to be here with comfort, hope and healing.

Diane Snyder Cowan, MA, MT-BC216.486.6312dscowan@hospicewr.org

Diane Snyder Cowan, MA, MT-BC

From the Editor

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Warm Summer SunBy Mark Twain

(Samuel Langhorne Clemens)

Warm summer sun,

Shine kindly here,

Warm southern wind,

Blow softly here.

Green sod above,

Lie light, lie light.

Good night, dear heart,

Good night, good night.

Visit The Bereavement Center's Blog at:http://bereavementcenter.blogspot.com

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Healing Grief through Art

Mollie Postotnik, MA, AT, PC

As an art therapist, I understand how much making art helps people move through grief. As a person who has experienced many losses, I know how much making art has helped me heal. I have learned that it does not matter how good an artist one is; it is the creative process that heals. I believe it is a spiritual process, connecting me with the creative power of the universe.

“Letting Go”The process begins with taking time to relax, to be still, so that I can leave the everyday worries of the world behind and get in touch with my grief. Second, I have to contemplate how I am going to represent the loss of my loved ones in a visual way, instead of only in my thoughts

and feelings. Many times, I do not know what my piece will look like; I just start doing something and am often surprised at the result! Third, the action of painting, sculpting, or selecting items or images to assemble to help me move through my grief, takes my mind into a safe place so I can send my worries on vacation. It also makes me feel like I am taking action to do something about my pain. Lastly, I share what I have made with other people, explaining why I chose the colors I used, what the art represents, and what memories it evokes. This helps me process the feelings that I may not have been able to verbalize or have been aware of before, and to make meaning of the loss.I am blessed to have been witness to the power of healing through art, here at the Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement Center as well as in my practice elsewhere.

• There was one young woman who said at the beginning of the workshop that she was unable to talk

about her loss. However, after she decorated a heart-shaped fabric piece in memory of her loved one, she was able to share quite a lot with the group.

• A woman in her eighties, who said that her heart still hurts too much to talk about the loss of her son three years ago, assembled his photo as a child in a shadowbox frame, surrounded by items that represented his life. The creation of this piece enabled her to share with the group the circumstances surrounding his death.

• A man who was grieving his mother chose to paint a tribute to his parents, rather than the suggested landscape. He felt safe enough to directly face his grief, and asked to incorporate the names of all the participants in the group into his painting so he could include them in prayer.

Art therapy helps to heal the grieving heart. Whether you have had any previous art experience or not, give it a try! The people who made the art pieces in these photos did. You can find a list of upcoming Healing Arts workshops in this newsletter.

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SUMMER 2011CommunitySupport Groups & Activities

MaSSagE ThEraPyProviding Comfort Through TouchStress is a normal part of life. As you move along grief ’s journey, you may face many challenges. Massage therapy is a tool useful in helping to cope with stress, anxiety and fatigue. To schedule an appointment, call Felicia Dunlop-Stanley at 216.486.6335. All appointments will be held at The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement Center.Basic Fees: $25 for 30 minutes $50 for 60 minutes

yoga MaTTErSGive yourself the gift of time and attention. The practice of Yoga helps you tune into yourself and take care of your physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Classes held at Hospice of the Western Reserve Lakeshore Campus. For more information please call 216.486.6838.On-going Yoga Class designed for caregivers & bereaved.Wednesdays, 5:30 pm to 6:45 pmFee: $40/month or $12 Drop-in (sliding scale fee available)

alCoholiCS anonyMouSlakeshore CampusWednesdays, 12:45 pmFor more information, call 216.241.7387

Bereavement Support groups Unless otherwise noted, our support groups are open to anyone who has had a loved one die. Please note, the Westlake groups will be held at St John Medical Center, Community Outreach, 29160 Center Ridge Road, Suite R. Groups are subject to change. Call to verify time and location.

adult Support groupsCirClE oF hoPE SEriESA six-week educational support class for adults who have had a loved one die. Registration is required. Please call the facilitator listed below for more information or to register.ashtabula officeFall Dates To Be AnnouncedMarti Dixon 440.997.6619

The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement CenterWednesdays, Jun. 8 – Jul. 13, 10:00 to 11:30 a.m.Diana Battles 216.486.6364

lakeshore CampusMondays, Sep. 26 - oct 31, 6:00 to 7:30 p.m.Tensie Holland 216.383.3741

lakewood office Wednesdays, Jun. 8 – Jul. 13, 6:30 to 8:00 p.m.Judy Beckman 216.383.3737 ext. 3110

Mentor officeFall Dates To Be Announced Lisa Florjancic 216.383.3737 ext. 3041

Warrensville heights officeWednesdays, Jun. 29 – aug. 3 10:30 a.m. to 12:00 p.m.Emily Joyce 216.763.6442

hoPE & hEalingAn on-going monthly support group for grieving adults. Registration is not required. Please call facilitator for more information.lakeshore Campus3rd Monday of the month, 6:00 to 7:30 p.m. April Ratcliffe 216.383.3782

Warrensville heights office4th Wednesday of the month, 2:30 to 4:00 p.m. Vicki Jackson 216.383.3737 ext. 3200

Mentor office2nd Monday of the month, 1:30 to 2:30 p.m.Lisa Florjancic 216.383.3737 ext. 3041

For ThE young aDulT (20’S)The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement Center3rd Wednesday of the month, 6:00 to 7:30 p.m.Diana Battles 216.486.6364

hoPEFul hEarTSGrief support for anyone age 60 and over who has experienced the death of someone special. holy Spirit Family Center410 Lear Road, Avon Lake4th Tuesday of the month, 1:00 to 2:30 p.m.JoDee Coulter 216.383.3737 ext. 3440

ParEnT loSSA monthly group for adults adjusting to life after the death of a parent.lakewood office2nd Tuesday of the month, 6:30 to 8:00 p.m.Judy Beckman 216.383.3737 ext. 3110

ParEnTS TogEThErA support group for parents coping with the death of an adult child. Registration is required.lakewood officeMondays, oct. 24 – nov. 14, 6:30 to 8:00 p.m.Judy Beckman 216.383.3737 ext. 3110

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hElPing hanDS/hEaling hEarTSA monthly support group for children ages 6-13 and adults, who have experienced the death of a loved one. While the adults are meeting, there is a co-existing support group for the children. Registration is not required.The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement Center3rd Tuesday of each month, 6:00 to 8:00 p.m.Colleen Thompson 216.486.6316

ConnECTionSA six-week support group for families who have experienced the death of a child. After pizza together, parents have a support group while children (ages 6-12) gather for expression through art, music, play and discussion with others who have lost a sibling. Registration is required. Fall Dates and Location To Be AnnouncedSusan Lakin 216.383.3737 ext. 3964

FaBriC anD FEElingSA weekly group where participants use fabric techniques such as quilting (sometimes involving clothing from loved ones) or photo transfer to create quilts, pillows, dolls and other types of lasting memories. Sewing expertise is not necessary.The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement CenterThursdays, 2:00 to 4:00 p.m. Mollie Postotnik 216.486.6544

SPECial EVEnTSDinnEr anD a MoViE FaMily nighTCome join us for a light dinner and a film examining concepts of grief and loss. We will provide time for a short discussion and a creative activity for remembrance. Registration is required.Movie – “up”The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement CenterThursday, Jun. 23, 6:00 to 8:00 p.m.Shavaun Jones 216.486.6319

BErEaVEMEnT ETiquETTE (Supporting a Grieving Person)Supporting someone who is grieving can be challenging. You have good intentions but can’t find the “right” thing to say. Join us for a group discussion on supporting a grieving person, where you will get practical tips and gain insight into being helpful. Registration is required. lakeshore CampusTuesday, Jul. 12, 6:00 to 7:30 p.m.Tensie Holland 216.383.3741

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Support Groups Continued on Page 6 >>

Spousal loss groupsnEW BEginningSA monthly support group for young widows and widowers (ages 55 and younger). This group is open-ended and on-going. Registration is not required.WestlakeSt John Medical Center, Community outreach 29160 Center Ridge Road, Suite R2nd Wednesday of the month, 6:30 to 8:00 p.m.JoDee Coulter 216.383.3737 ext. 3440

Warrensville heights office1st Tuesday of the month, 6:00 to 7:30 p.m.Vicki Jackson 216.383.3737 ext. 3200

nEW JournEyA support group for widows and widowers of any age, adjusting to life without their spouse. This group is open ended and on-going. Registration is not required.The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement Center2nd Thursday of the month, 10:00 to 11:30 a.m.Diana Battles 216.486.6364

ashtabula office2nd Thursday of the month, 6:00 to 7:30 p.m.Marti Dixon 440.997.6619

horiZonSA monthly support group for the older adult widow and widower. This group is open ended and on-going. Mayfield Village Baptist Church6500 Highland Road, Mayfield2nd Tuesday of the month, 1:00 to 2:30 p.m.Kathryn Harrison Brown 216.486.6331

lakewood Maple heights library5225 Library Lane, Maple Heights – Room 4 4th Thursday of the month, 1:00 to 2:30 p.m.Vicki Jackson 216.383.3737 ext. 3200

Children and Family Support groupsS.T.a.r.S. (Supporting Tears, Anger, Remembrance & Sadness)A six-week support group for grieving children ages 6-12. While the children are meeting, there is an adult support group to assist parents and family members in dealing with their own grief. The groups are free and open to the public. Registration is required.The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement CenterWednesdays, June 22 - July 27, 6:00 to 8:00 p.m.Molly Kohut 216.486.6275

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healing arts Workshops, Summer 2011Healing Arts Workshops provide grieving people with a creative outlet for their grief and are open to all grieving people. No art experience is necessary. Call Mollie postotnik at 216.486.6544 or email her at mpostotnik@hospicewr.org to register no later than four days in advance of workshop date. Suggested $5.00 donation for supplies.

ShaDoWBoX oF MEMoriESRemember your loved one(s) by creating a three-dimensional shadowbox using one or more photographs. Participants will paint the shadowbox first; then small items such as pieces or bits of clothing, mementos or writing can be

incorporated, surrounding the photo or photos.The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement CenterThursday, Jul. 7, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.ashtabula officeTuesday, Jul. 12, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.

Warrensville heights office Wednesday, Jul. 20, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.

WestlakeSt. John Medical Center, Community outreach 29160 Center Ridge Road, Suite R, Group Room DTuesday, Jul. 26, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.

MoSaiCS oF loVEMosaics are assemblages of broken bits of ceramics, glassware, stone or natural objects that form a new image or design. Make a mosaic piece that evokes memories of your loved one. You may bring your own stones,

glass or ceramic pieces (already broken, please) if you wish. The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement Center Thursday, aug. 18, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.

WestlakeSt. John Medical Center, Community outreach 29160 Center Ridge Road, Suite R, Group Room DTuesday, aug. 23, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.

Warrensville heights officeWednesday, aug. 31, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.

SaVE ThE DaTEArt for Relaxation

CEraMiC ManDala PlaTES

Participants will create their own mandala design and paint both sides of a bisque (unglazed china) dinner plate with ceramic glazes the first session. Plates will be fired during the week so that we can use them at the potluck at the second session, which will

be devoted to sharing about the process. Bring your loved one’s favorite food item to share!

Warrensville heights officeWednesday, Jun. 1 & 8, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.

The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement Center Thursday, Jun. 9 & 16, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.

WestlakeSt. John Medical Center, Community outreach29160 Center Ridge Road, Suite R, Room DTuesday, Jun. 14 & 21, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.

MiXED MEDia MonoPrinTS

Participants will create a design or scene using multiple watercolor monoprints. You can then embellish your piece with hand-made paper, metallic or non-metallic markers, and pencils or pens.

The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement Center Thursday, Sep. 15, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.

Warrensville heights officeWednesday, Sep. 21, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.

WestlakeSt. John Medical Center, Community outreach 29160 Center Ridge Road, Suite R, Group Room DTuesday, Sep. 27, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.

Lakeshore Campus300 East 185th StreetCleveland, OH 44119-1330216.383.2222

Headquarters17876 St. Clair AvenueCleveland, OH 44110-2602800.707.8922

Ashtabula Office1166 Lake AvenueAshtabula, OH 44004-2930440.997.6619

Hospice Care Center 26376 John RoadOlmsted township, OH 44138440.235.3134

Lakewood Office 14601 Detroit Avenue, Suite 100Lakewood, OH 44107-4212216.227.9048

Lorain County Office2173 n. Ridge Road E., Suite HLorain, OH 44055-3400440.787.2080

Mentor Office5786 Heisley RoadMentor, OH 44060-1830440.951.8692

Summit County Office150 Springside Drive, Suite A-100Fairlawn, OH 44334 330.800.2240

Warrensville Heights Office4670 Richmond Road, Suite 200Warrensville Hts, OH 44128-5978216.454.0399

Westlake Office29101 Health Campus Drive, Building 2, Suite 400Westlake, OH 44145-5268440.892.6680

The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement Center300 East 185th StreetCleveland, OH 44119-1330216.486.6838

Hospice of tHe Western reserve office Locations

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Dear Kids,

Six year old Jenny and her brother visited Grandfather on his lake in Minnesota every summer to go to the beaches and watch the sailboats. Then one winter her beloved Grandfather died. Summer approached and Jenny realized that she would not be going to Minnesota that year. She would no longer swim in the waters, watch the boats as they sailed by or visit her Grandfather with whom she shared these adventures. For most of us summer is warm weather, fun activities and lots of laughs with friends and family. It may be very hard to think about how much fun summer can be once someone very special has died. Memories of special times spent with a loved one who is no longer with you can make you feel very sad. Sometimes you may feel guilty when you go for a walk or swim without your favorite companion. There may be times when you feel angry that your loved one has died and can no longer be with you to do things. These feelings are all normal reactions to have when time passes and things you do remind you that someone you cared for

very much has died. On the other hand, you may even want to go and have fun without thinking about how much you miss that special person. That is OK too. There is no right or wrong way to feel when someone you love dies. The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself.   There are several ways to take care of yourself while you are grieving. You can go to a special place that reminds you of good memories you shared with your loved one. You can create a memory box or scrapbook to keep pictures or items that were left to you by that person. You may need to talk to someone about how much you miss your loved one. It is OK to discuss memories and feelings with close family and friends if they don’t mind listening and sharing. Sometimes you might just feel like crying and that is OK too. It is important to let your parents or caregivers know if you are having a really hard time dealing with your grief so they can give you extra help. The most important thing to remember is to be kind to yourself. Have fun this summer and take care.

Sincerely,Shavaun Jones, M.ED., PC

A Child's View

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Camp InformatIonOur camps provide children, ages 6-14, the opportunity to express feelings, learn ways to cope, and remember their special person who died through art, music, games and stories.

Call Karen Hatfield at 216.486.6042 for registration information and materials.

Camp Healing HeartsA one-day event at Common Ground in Oberlin; Saturday, June 18, 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.

together We CanA day camp at Red Oak Camp in Kirtland, Aug. 9 through Aug. 11, 9:00 to 3:00 p.m.

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Non-profit Org.U.S. Postage

PAIDCleveland, OHPermit No. 848

The Elisabeth Severance Prentiss Bereavement Center is a community-based grief support program thatprovides services throughout Northern Ohio. We offer support to anyone who has experienced a loss due to death.

Political discussions aside, a child becomes a reality from the moment parents learn of a pregnancy. So it is that Elizabeth McCracken, in her book An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination, describes her tragic loss of a stillborn son as the loss of a loved and cherished child. Her complex mix of sadness, guilt, regret, anger, and confusion are not different from any parent experiencing the death of a child. She writes, “I want a book that acknowledges that life goes on but that death goes on, too; that the person who is dead is a long, long story.” An author of several novels, McCracken’s style is eloquent and painfully honest, never self-pitying. In describing the change in responses from family and friends, she says, “That is one of the strangest side effects of the whole story. I am the thing worse than a cautionary tale: I am a horror story, an example of something terrible going wrong when you least expect…a story so grim…it’s better not to think of it at all.” She wishes she had a printed card to pass out that states, “’My first child was a stillborn.’ I want people to know but I don’t want to say it out loud.” In the end, she decides this book is her card.

McCracken shares the hopes and dreams she and her husband had for their firstborn. She keeps a daily journal of her pregnancy, affectionately calls him Pudding, and lives an idyllic life in France. Initially they resist buying things for the baby, but eventually begin accumulating silly and practical items that catch their eye. When the baby dies, “The first thing we did…was dismantle the future.” Her husband broke down the furniture, threw away the mattress and the stuffed hippo. “But not the baby clothes. Who can separate practicality from hope from lingering superstition. We wanted another child…to fill those clothes.” Those who have lost a child will see themselves in this couple’s journey through the unanswered questions and attempts to come to terms with the reality of what happened. Those who have been fortunate not to have experienced such a loss will gain a keen awareness of the struggles faced by the loss of one’s hopes and dreams. As sad as McCracken’s tale is, it is one readers find difficult to put down and one, ultimately, of connection and hope.

300 East 185th StreetCleveland, OH 44119-1330

Serving Ashtabula, Cuyahoga, Geauga, Lake, Lorain and Summit Counties with offices throughout.

Hospice Resale Shop in Lyndhurst

800.707.8922 | hospicewr.org

Susan Lakin, LISW

Go green! If you would like your copy of About Grief emailed to you, please send your email address to Diane Snyder Cowan at DSCowan@HospiceWR.org

© Copyright 2011 All Rights Reserved

Book review

300 East 185th Street | Cleveland, OH 44119-1330 | 216.486.6838 | 800.707.8922 | hospicewr.org

An Exact Replica of a Figment of My ImaginationBy Elizabeth McCracken

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