fop384 - "lame ducks"

FOP255sc219wlmartULnight / fop250sc145extdimmsdale

EXT - DIMMSDALE, NIGHT


EXT- DIMMSDALE MEGAPLEX 32, NIGHT.


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INT - TURNER CAR

TIMMYBoy, that detective movie was awesome!

FOP362sc161_CityStreet_TurnerCarInterior

MOMOh yes, I love Sherlock Homely movies. --

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-- He’s so homely --

-- he has to be smart.

TIMMYI still can’t believe the butler did it.

DADWhat butler? --

-- The movie was about a giant green lizard that destroyed Pough-keepsie.

MOMYou wandered into the wrong theatre again, dear.

COSMOI wandered into the wrong theatre, too. --

-- There was hot oil and popping sounds.

WANDAYou wandered into the popcorn machine, Cosmo.

COSMOOoh, that explains the imitation butter avoring in my pants. --

-- I call it butt butter.

TIMMYHey --

-- what happened to our house?

EXT - TURNER FRONT DOOR, NIGHT.

The nameplate swings back & forth.

The whole house is gone!

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The nameplate falls to the ground.

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(DAD GASPS)

DADWe've been robbed! --

-- They took everything! --

-- Our furniture, TV... --

-- even the walls!

MOMIf we had a butler --

-- I’d blame him.

Sparky walks in wearing a back brace.

TIMMYSparky, why didn’t you stop the burglar?

SPARKYI didn't see a burglar. --

-- I was too busy helping the mover with the ski mask load all of your stuff --

-- into his unmarked van.

TIMMYThat was the burglar!

SPARKYOhhhhhhhhh!

Sorry, Timmy. --

-- I thought we were moving somewhere better than this dump. --

-- This place doesn’t even have walls!

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CHET UBETCHAThis is Chet Ubetcha --

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-- reporting --

-- that a burglar --

-- has been robbing houses all over Dimmsdale, --

-- taking everything --

-- including my microphone, --

-- which is why I’m talking into this churro. --

-- This just in: --

-- it’s a Mexican donut.

Chet walks out.

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(SFX: TRUCK HONK, OS)

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Dinkleberg drives in.

DINKELBERGHey, Turners, --

-- I saw you were robbed, --

-- so I took the liberty of replacing all your worldly possessions. --

-- I also brought you --

-- this sack of cold hard cash.

DADCold and hard --

-- like --

-- your heart! --

-- Get off my lawn, --

-- you demon with a human face!

DINKLEBERG WIPE

EXT - TURNER HOUSEHOLD, DAY.

Dinkleberg replaces dish.

INT - TIMMY’S ROOM

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TIMMYI’m glad the house is back to normal.

-- And it’s a good thing --

-- Mr. Dinkelberg got exact replicas of all my old stuff. --

-- We can --

-- forget the burglary ever happened.

DADOooooooohohoh Timmy, --

-- We can --

-- never forget this burglary ever happened!

-- To catch the burglar --

-- I’m starting a neighborhood watch.

DADDarn it! --

-- He took my watch! --

-- This guy is more cunning than I thought.

TIMMYDad, you don’t wear a watch.

DADGood detective work, son. --

-- I could use you on my team.

TIMMYDad, you’re not a detective.

DADI might as well be. --

-- I've seen every Sherlock Homely movie ever made. --

-- Well, except the one we just came back from. --

-- Anyway, --

-- I’m calling a neighborhood watch meeting in our living room!

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(SFX: CLOCK TICKING SLOWLY)

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INT - TURNER LIVING ROOM

TIMMYUh, Dad, --

-- I don’t think anyone else wants to join your neighborhood watch.

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A tumbleweed rolls through.

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DADThat’s because the burglar --

-- stole their sense of justice!

CROCKERHello, --

-- I’m here --

-- to join your neighborhood watch program.

TIMMYWere you robbed too, Mr. Crocker?

CROCKERNo, --

-- I’m here cuz I wanna chew the burglar out --

-- for not taking Mother. --

-- I left her on the porch with a note that said --

--'Please steal me' --

-- but no dice. --

--He did however --

-- take my dice.

DADWell, --

-- now that we’re all here, --

-- I’m gonna pull out --

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-- my --


-- ofcial detective case. --


-- Let’s see...

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As detectives, --

-- we’ll need a name that will strike fear --

-- into every criminal out there. --

-- We’ll call ourselves --

-- the --

-- Dimmsdale Undercover Crime Killer Squad.

TIMMYSo we’re... --

-- the Ducks?

DADOf course we are. --

-- Nothing puts more fear into the heart of thieves --

-- than duck hats. --

-- I stole them from Dinkelberg, so technically --

-- I'm our rst suspect.

DADFrom now on, you will call me by my code name: --

-- Major Mallard.

DADYour code name --

-- is --

-- Lucy Goosey.

TIMMY Oh come on!

DADAnd your code name --

-- is --

-- Mr. Quackers.

CROCKERCould I be named The Falcon? --

-- It’s a cool name --

-- and it might get me a date.

DADFalcons have nothing to do with crime. --

-- Everyone knows ducks are nature’s crime-ghters. --

-- They y South for the Winter --

-- To bust perps! --

DADNow to catch a burglar in the act, --

-- we’ll have to set up a stakeout.

EXT - STAKEOUT STEAKHOUSE, NIGHT.

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DADI love steak outs! --

-- Especially with creamed corn. --

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-- I love creamed corn, Timmy.


TIMMYI don't think a stakeout means going out for steak.


CROCKERI worked at a steakhouse once, --

-- just to steal the knives. --

-- That --

-- reminds --

-- me, --

-- I have to leave soon --

(CROCKER CUTS STEAK)

-- to put mother out for the burglar with a note that says, --

-- 'Great for pulling your plow.' --

-- That woman’s got the cankles of a Clydesdale.

(SFX: OFFSCREEN DOOR CREEKING OPEN)

FOP289sc000Burglars

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(ALL THREE CHEWING)

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DAD (mouth full)This steak out is delicious! --

-- Once we're done, --

-- we should really --

-- start looking for the burglar.

DAD Excuse me! --

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DAD Waiter, could I get a doggy bag, please?

BURGLAR Sorry, --

-- not my table.

(BURGLAR LAUGHS EVILLY)

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(BURGLAR LAUGHING)

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TIMMYDad, --

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TIMMYI think that was the burglar.

DADWhat?! --

-- To the duck truck, Mr. Quackers! --

-- You too, Lucy Goosey.

TIMMY Oh come on!

DADFloor it, Mr. Quackers.

CROCKER It’s the Falcon!

DAD No it’s not!

(CROCKER GRUMBLES)

FOP222sc004gasbrakepedal

FOP222sc004gasbrakepedal

(SFX: ENGINE REVS)

(SFX: ENGINE REVVING, WHEELS PEELING OUT)

(DAD YELLING)

(DUCK VAN nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh)

DAD It’s the burglar! --

DAD blows his duck call.

(SFX: DUCK CALL)

DUCKS swoop in.

-- Arrest him!

WHIP PAN

Incidental Character Pack - M162

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TIMMYThat’s just a guy taking out his trash.

DADTrust me, Lucy Goosey. --

-- I have the mind of a defective.

TIMMYI think you mean detective.

(SFX DOOR SLAM)

(SFX: DUDE YELLING....

KLANG!)

CROCKERNo, --

-- I think he had it right the rst time.

Dad looks OS.

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DAD (SUGG)Gah! --

(SFX: DUCK CALL)

-- Look! --

WHIP PAN

-- Someone’s in old lady Schwimmer’s house.

TIMMYThat’s Mrs. Schwimmer, Dad.

DADWhich is exactly what the burglar would want us to think.

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INT - MRS. SCHWIMMER’S HOUSE.

Mrs. Schwimmer is brushing her dentures.


(SFX: DOOR SLAMMING OPEN)


DADYou’re busted, burglar! --

-- We’re the DUCKS!

CROCKERI’m the Falcon! --

-- What are you doing later?

DADShut your beak, Mr. Quackers, --

-- and pat the suspect down for stolen loot --

-- while we go for more steak!

(SFX: OLD WOMAN SCREAMS)

(OLD WOMAN XENA BATTLECRY)

CROCKERGAH! --

(WOMAN’S BATTLECRY, CROCKER YELLING)

-- Why am I always stuck with an old lady?

-- I swear I attract them like a free bus to Reno.

EXT - TURNER HOUSE, NIGHT

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FOP232sc086cosmoduck

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DAD & CROCKER are looking at a conspiracy theory board.

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DADAfter much thorough --

-- and handsome investigating --

-- in this duck hat, --

-- I've concluded that the burglar is none other than... --

-- Dinkelberg.

TIMMYMr. Dinkelberg's clean. --

-- Nothing we found leads to him.

DADOh really? --

-- Then how do you explain these stolen duck hats?

action text

TIMMYYou stole them from him, Dad.

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DADIt’s Major Mallard --

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-- and stop twisting my words. --

DAD-- I will not be a victim of this witch hunt!

TIMMYGuys, I’m worried about my Dad. --

-- All his crazy detective work is gonna get him into trouble.

WANDAI wouldn’t worry, Timmy. --

(SFX: DAD SCRIBBLING ON POSTER)

CROCKERSo it is Dinkelberg! --

-- The Falcon --

-- is --

-- gonna go ask that lunatic why --

-- why he didn’t steal mother.

DOOR OPEN SUDDENLY.

(SFX: ANGRY NOISE WALLA)

CHET pops in using an ice cream cone as a microphone.

CHET UBETCHAThis is Chet Ubetcha --

-- reporting --

-- that --

-- Timmy Turner’s Dad has harassed half the town, --

-- causing an angry mob --

-- to demand that the Turners leave Dimmsdale forever. --

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-- In related news, the angry mob would’ve brought pitchforks and torches --

-- but those were stolen, too.

CHET (SUGG)My ice cream!

CROCKERWhoa. --

-- I haven't seen a mob this angry --

-- since they ran out of powdered donuts at parent/teacher night. --

-- Well, I'm out of here. --

-- Time for the Falcon --

-- to take to the sky!

CROCKER Great, the burglar stole the duck truck. --

-- Get Turner!

(MASSIVE ANGRY DUCK QUACKING)

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(DAD YELLING)

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(ALL DUCKS PECKING AT DAD)

DADOh no! --

-- Even the ducks have turned against me! --

-- No, I’m wrong. --

-- I just have creamed corn on my shoes.

ANGRY MOBGET TIMMY’S DAD! GET TIMMY’S DAD

DAD<SOBS> I’ve failed Timmy --

-- Every house in Dimmsdale was robbed --

-- and I couldn’t stop it.

DAD I’m not t to wear --

-- this extremely attering duck hat. --

-- Let’s go pack our things --

-- so --

-- we can --

-- leave this town forever. --

-- We’ll pick up some steaks on the way out.

SPARKYI’m not hungry. --

-- I ate a duck. --

-- Anyway, --

-- let’s blow this joint.

TIMMYNo, Sparky. --

-- I don't wanna move. --

-- I have to nd a way to help Dad catch this burglar --

-- and save his reputation.

WANDABut how, sport? --

-- Every house in Dimmsdale has already been robbed.

TIMMYThen I wish Dimmsdale had one more house.

DADWell, --

THE FAIRIES POOF AWAY.

-- Timmy, --

-- looks like I’m being driven out of town by an angry mob. --

-- Story of my life.

TIMMYDad, --

-- you cannot give up on the DUCKS. --

-- There’s still one house that hasn’t been robbed. --

-- You might be able to trap the burglar there!

DADI've never noticed that house before. --

-- But I think we've realized --

-- that I don't really pay attention.

EXT - THE NEW HOUSE ON THE BLOCK, NIGHT

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TIMMYThis is the only house left for the burglar to rob, Dad. --

-- And when he shows up --

-- you’re gonna be here to stop him.

DADYou’re right. --

-- And when I do, --

-- I’ll prove to everyone --

-- that they were wrong about me. --

(SFX: DUCK CALL)

-- Let’s do this, Lucy Goosey!

TIMMYYou got it, Major Mallard!

DADIt’s Dad. --

-- Oh, right.

EXT - NEW HOUSE FRONT DOOR, NIGHT

(SFX: DOOR KNOCK)

COSMOHello, neighbors. --

-- We’re the super rich Fairymans. --

-- Care for --

-- a fancy egg?

DADThank you. --

-- I gotta say, Mr. Fairyman, --

-- I like your green hair. --

-- I guess when you're rich you can get away with anything.

COSMOThat’s right. --

-- (calling out) We’re super rich! --

-- Now if you’ll excuse me, --

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-- I have to leave my gold out to dry.

-- I have to leave my gold out to dry.

WANDALook, honey! --

-- The diamonds are ripe.

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COSMOThose will go great in your diamond mango salad. --

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ROBBER pops up from the tree.

COSMO-- Won’t you stay for dinner?

DAD Sure! --

-- Timmy, --

-- it’s gonna be hard --

-- for me not to rob these people.

DAD goes to close the door...

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WANDAOh, --

-- don’t bother closing the door! --

-- We rich people nd it to be such a hassle!

DADI’m gonna dust --

-- for ngerpaints.

TIMMY Fingerprints, Dad.

(TIMMY COUGHING)

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(SUGG)QUACK!

TIMMY Uh, Dad, --

-- aren’t you supposed to dust for ngerprints and block off crime scenes --

-- after a crime?

DADTimmy, --

-- I’m the defective here.

BURGLARYou sure are.

DADOh no! --

DAD-- It’s the waiter!

TIMMYDad, it’s the burglar!

WANDA (O.S.)And he’s got our wands! --

WANDA-- I mean, our very expensive salad tongs!

BURGLARThanks to your loser neighborhood watch, --

-- robbing this town --

-- has been a piece of cake. --

-- I’m just gonna steal this one last thing --

-- before I go have a piece of cake.

(DAD GASPS)

DADListen up, burglar. --

-- You can rob my house --

-- and humiliate me in front of the entire town, --

-- but --

-- nobody steals my duck call!

Fingerprint dust box falls out!

ROBBERAHHHHHH --

ROBBERCHOOOOOOOOO!

ROBBER passes out.

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TIMMYDad, your super weird detective skills actually paid off!

DADThat’s because good always triumphs over evil. --

-- Now grab the diamonds out of that salad --

-- and let’s get out of here.

FOP312sc145angryMOB2

EXT - FAIRYMANS’ HOUSE

ANGRY CROWD WALLA


DADHere’s your burglar, Dimmsdale! --

DAD-- We can all rest easy --

-- now that the streets are safe. --

-- I know I will. --

-- All that creamed corn --

-- me really sleepy.

(CROWD CHEERS)

CLOSE on a gross-looking meatloaf.

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We see a long line of people.

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EXT - FAIRYMANS’ HOUSE, DAY.

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NEIGHBORWelcome to the neighborhood, Mrs. Fairyman.

WANDAGreat. Thank you.

-- What are we gonna do with --

-- 800 meatloaves?

COSMOWell you know what they say: --

-- When life gives you meatloaf, --

-- make lemonade.

COSMO Boy, --

-- this is disgusting lemonade.

CROCKERI’m the Falcon! --

-- Call me.

fop384 - "lame ducks"

Art & Photos

ext turner household

int turner cartimmyboy

neighborhood watch meeting

neighborhood watch program

detective movie

im gonna

dinkleberg wipe

dadgood detective work