PAGE 1Justine Jones

COM 4462MW 3:00 PM

Short Paper #1

Dealing With Emotions in Conflict

One particular conflict that involves a range of several different emotions,

especially in interpersonal relationships, would be conflicts between romantic partners

such as in a marriage or a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. The reason why these

relationships tend to be so emotionally charged is most likely due to the amount of

emotions that are invested in the relationship in the beginning. Romantic relationships

are built on strong friendship and trust as well as attraction and similarities in personality.

If the trust is broken, such as where adultery is committed in the relationship, there are

many emotions that can come along with this for both parties. Some of the negative

emotions that come with this situation are fear, anger, hurt, and guilt. If these emotions

are not controlled and dealt with on a mature level they could potentially escalate the

conflict and lead to physical and verbal attacks, reciprocation, and withdrawal altogether.

It is imperative during emotional conflicts not to discredit the expression and importance

of emotions in order to understand the other’s feelings and their own internal conflict. It

is also important to understand how to handle these emotions during conflict and avoid

further escalation.

Possible Felt Emotions During Relationship Conflict

A good way to understand what emotions an individual is feeling is through

primary and secondary appraisals. Primary appraisals assess the situation and decide

whether the event is positive or negative and how it relates to the goals of the individual.

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Secondary appraisal can also be called “labeling.” During this process is when the

individual realizes what emotions they may be feeling and who is making them feel this

way. After appraising the situation, there are several emotions that can generate through

the process.

When the trust is broken between two people in a romantic relationship, the most

common emotions felt by one or more of the parties are anger, hurt, guilt, and sadness. A

common initial feeling to broken trust is anger. Anger is strongly associated with action

tendencies such as attacking “opponents” in the situation. Another emotion that is

commonly associated with this situation is hurt. Psychological hurt, or hurt feelings, is

closely related to anger and sadness and can sometimes escalate into one or both of these

emotions. Hurt can be caused by relational transgressions, feelings of betrayal, violations

of implicit and explicit relational rules, and infidelity in interpersonal relationships

(Folger, Poole & Stutman, 2008). Other common emotions associated with such

situations are sadness and guilt. Guilt is the result of hurting someone or the perceived

feeling of unjustly injuring or failing to help someone else. Ways of dealing with guilt

can be simply refusing to take responsibility, justifying one’s behavior, or offering

compensation for their actions. These emotions and actions in response to these emotions

are in some cases necessary to resolve the situation effectively.

Expression and Regulation of Emotions in Conflict

Emotions in conflict can be necessary to regulate social interaction and reflect

underlying emotional states (Hample, Thompson-Hayes, Wallenfelsz, 2005). Four key

ideas expand on the social aspects of emotional experience: display rules, emotion work,

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reappraisal, and emotional contagion. Display rules are what require people to minimize

or alter in any way their own emotions in order to be more socially appropriate. In a

situation where adultery is committed in a marriage, display rules may be needed to hold

back strong negative emotions to a more socially acceptable standard. What is “socially

acceptable” in a situation is dependent on several factors such as cultural rules and what

has been acceptable in the relationship in the past. Display rules are also used to project a

certain a separate emotional display than what an individual may be feeling inside. For

example, a wife who has been cheated on by her husband would most likely be feeling

extreme hurt, but can use display rules to hide hurt emotions in order to hide weakness.

Emotion work is somewhat parallel to display work such as that in a conflict

situation an individual needs to generate the appropriate feelings after evaluating the

situation and chooses their emotions accordingly. While display rules focus on the

outward appearance of an emotion, emotion work is directed internally (Hample, et al.,

2005). In a romantic conflict, either partner may be confused as to what they are feeling

in the situation. Emotion work is the process of evaluating one’s internal state and

deciding what emotions they are feeling in response to the conflict.

Reappraisal is a form of change in in thinking where people decrease negative

emotions by altering their thoughts in a positive way. During reappraisal, an individual

may reframe the situation by seeing new opportunities or looking at the conflict in a

different light. They may become more optimistic and see the situation in a new way. A

wife who has been cheated on initially would be filled with negative emotions toward

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their partner and life in general. After reappraisal, the wife would start to see new

opportunities for a change in life and may begin to come to terms with the conflict.

Emotional contagion occurs when one person experiences a response similar to

another's emotional display. In an argument, it is highly likely that both parties will

begin to mirror each other’s emotions. The reason for this is because emotions are

“contagious” and tend to spread between individuals involved in the conflict. Emotional

contagion can sometimes lead to escalation if both parties are unwilling to change their

emotional state. In a conflict between husband and wife where one of them may be

extremely angry with the other, both parties would start to display angry emotions. All of

these key elements of emotions in conflict help researchers understand how emotions are

regulated on an internal and external scale. Conflict is inevitably emotional, thus

emotions play a major part in understanding conflict and how to effectively deal with it.

Emotions in Conflict: What Makes Conflict Hurtful?

During a conflict, there are some things that people tend to be more sensitive

about than others when it comes to emotions. One of the main things related to emotions

in a conflict is the topic or content of the conflict. Based on the content of an argument,

all parties may come into the situation with pre-conceived thoughts and emotions about

the other parties based on what is taking place. In the reoccurring example of adultery in

a romantic relationship, both parties would enter into the conflict with negative feelings

and emotions.

Another factor that influences emotions based on interactions between parties is

the form of communication in the conflict. The form of a message is the specific type of

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speech act during communication. Some of these speech acts harmful to emotions during

conflict can be making accusations, posing questions, telling lies, and so on (Young,

2010). In trust issue situations, these speech acts can be detrimental to relationships by

harvesting more negative emotions. Lies and accusations can be extremely harmful to a

relationship and may create hurt emotions. Parties that are within an interdependent

relationship influence individual emotions based on how they interact with each other.

Measures to Control Emotions

The first step to handling emotions in conflict is to accept emotion as a natural

part of conflict. Its also important acknowledge and identify one’s emotional state during

the conflict in order for them to keep them under control. Discussing emotions in an

open setting and being honest is key to solving conflict in a rational way. Finally, the

best way to handle emotions in conflict is to try and foster hope and positive attitudes

instead of negativity (Folger et all., 2008). If all parties can look at the situation in a

positive light, it is more likely that the conflict will be solved more effectively. Emotions

are unavoidable when it comes to conflict, especially when the subject is sensitive and

personal. Identifying and learning to control these emotions is key to handling conflict

effectively without other influences.

Bibliography

Folger, O. P., Poole, M. S., & Stutman, R. K. (2008). Working through conflict,

strategies for relationships, groups, and organizations. Allyn & Bacon.

Hample, D., Thompson-Hayes, M., Wallenfelsz, K., Wallenfelsz, P., & Knapp, C. (2005).

Face-to-Face Arguing is an Emotional Experience: Triangulating Methodologies and

Early Findings. Argumentation & Advocacy, 74-93. Retrieved from EBSCOhost.

Young, S. L. (2010). Positive Perceptions of Hurtful Communication: The Packaging

Matters. Communication Research Reports, 49-57.