final defense presentation 2/12/2014

full video: http://tinyurl.com/I-forgot-my-phone

3

http://tinyurl.com/I-forgot-my-phone

http://tinyurl.com/I-forgot-my-phone

“Technology and material things may make life easier, but they do not seem to lead to happiness. Instead, we long for the social connections of past years, we enter a confusing world of too many choices, and we become depressed at younger and younger ages.” (Twenge, 2006)

4

“Though apps allow us to perform a multitude of operations, they may not be well suited to support the kind of deep connection that sustains and nourishes relationships” (Gardner and Davis, 2013)

5

“[Technology devices] are not so good for opening a dialogue about complexity of feeling. We are increasingly connected to each other but oddly more alone: in intimacy, new solitudes.” (Turkle, 2010)

6

Personality and Social Psychology Review15(2) 180 –198© 2011 by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, Inc.Reprints and permission: sagepub.com/journalsPermissions.navDOI: 10.1177/1088868310377395http://pspr.sagepub.com

Changes in Dispositional Empathy in American College Students Over Time: A Meta-Analysis

Sara H. Konrath1,2, Edward H. O’Brien1, and Courtney Hsing1

AbstractThe current study examines changes over time in a commonly used measure of dispositional empathy. A cross-temporal meta-analysis was conducted on 72 samples of American college students who completed at least one of the four subscales (Empathic Concern, Perspective Taking, Fantasy, and Personal Distress) of the Interpersonal Reactivity Index (IRI) between 1979 and 2009 (total N � 13,737). Overall, the authors found changes in the most prototypically empathic subscales of the IRI: Empathic Concern was most sharply dropping, followed by Perspective Taking. The IRI Fantasy and Personal Distress subscales exhibited no changes over time. Additional analyses found that the declines in Perspective Taking and Empathic Concern are relatively recent phenomena and are most pronounced in samples from after 2000.

Keywordsempathy, temporal change, meta-analysis

Recent psychological research recognizes that people are inextricably linked to their social environments and to those around them. For example, people report a stronger prefer-ence for spending time with others rather than being alone and do so for a majority of their waking hours (Kahneman, Krueger, Schkade, Schwarz, & Stone, 2004). Moreover, people are more likely to experience a wide variety of health problems when lonely or isolated (see Cacioppo & Patrick, 2008). However, this is a paradox of sorts: Although people cannot seem to live without one another, they also some-times cheat and manipulate each other, are physically aggres-sive and verbally offensive, lie, steal, and exhibit a number of other socially deleterious tendencies.

Given the prevalence of conflicted, antisocial, and other-wise unpleasant interactions with other people, researchers have been interested in factors that promote cooperative, prosocial, and satisfying relationships. Our focus in this article is specifically on empathy. In general, empathy seems to enable people to relate to others in a way that pro-motes cooperation and unity rather than conflict and isola-tion. Thus, an examination of potential changes in empathy over time affords new insights into how and why people help and relate positively to one another. Temporal changes in empathy might help explain certain interpersonal and societal trends that suggest people today are not as empathic as previous generations.

In the current article, we use cross-temporal meta-analytic methods to examine changes over time in American college students’ dispositional empathy scores. We do so by using

the time-lag method, which separates the effects of birth cohort from age by analyzing samples of people of the same age at different points in time. In this study, we compare col-lege students from the late 1970s and early 1980s to college students in the 1990s and 2000s. By studying college stu-dents at each of these time periods, we are able to collect data from people who are from the same age group but different birth cohorts. Birth cohorts can be seen as sociocultural milieus (Stewart & Healy, 1989; Twenge, 2000), in that children growing up in the 1970s in the United States were exposed to different sociocultural norms than those growing up in the 2000s, despite being physically located in the same country. The logic underlying this approach is similar to that used in cross-cultural psychology to examine similarities and differences in the self-construals, traits, and behaviors of people across different sociocultural regions of the world (e.g., Choi, Nisbett, & Norenzayan, 1999; Heine & Lehman, 1997; Markus & Kitayama, 1991), except that we instead assess differences between birth cohort groups (rather than cultures). Several studies have used this method to find birth cohort differences in traits such as anxiety, self-esteem,

1University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, MI, USA2University of Rochester Medical Center, Rochester, NY, USA

Corresponding Author:Sara H. Konrath, University of Michigan, Research Center for Group Dynamics, Institute for Social Research, 426 Thompson Street, Ann Arbor, MI 48104Email: [email protected]

by guest on April 14, 2011psr.sagepub.comDownloaded from

7

There are some things that we discuss onlywith people who are very close to us. These

important topics may vary with the situation orthe person—we may ask for help, probe forinformation, or just use the person as a sound-ing board for important decisions—but these arethe people who make up our core network ofconfidants. How have these discussion networksof close confidants changed over the past two

decades? We address that question here withdata from a high-quality national probabilitysurvey that collected parallel data in 1985 and2004. We find a remarkable drop in the size ofcore discussion networks, with a shift awayfrom ties formed in neighborhood and com-munity contexts and toward conversations withclose kin (especially spouses). Many more peo-ple talk to no one about matters they consider

Social IIsolation iin AAmerica: CChanges iin CCoreDiscussion NNetworks oover TTwo DDecades

Miller McPherson Lynn Smith-LovinUniversity of Arizona and Duke University Duke University

Matthew E. BrashearsUniversity of Arizona

Have the core discussion networks of Americans changed in the past two decades? In1985, the General Social Survey (GSS) collected the first nationally representative dataon the confidants with whom Americans discuss important matters. In the 2004 GSS theauthors replicated those questions to assess social change in core network structures.Discussion networks are smaller in 2004 than in 1985. The number of people sayingthere is no one with whom they discuss important matters nearly tripled. The meannetwork size decreases by about a third (one confidant), from 2.94 in 1985 to 2.08 in2004. The modal respondent now reports having no confidant; the modal respondent in1985 had three confidants. Both kin and non-kin confidants were lost in the past twodecades, but the greater decrease of non-kin ties leads to more confidant networkscentered on spouses and parents, with fewer contacts through voluntary associations andneighborhoods. Most people have densely interconnected confidants similar to them.Some changes reflect the changing demographics of the U.S. population. Educationalheterogeneity of social ties has decreased, racial heterogeneity has increased. The datamay overestimate the number of social isolates, but these shrinking networks reflect animportant social change in America

AMERICAN SOCIOLOGICAL REVIEW, 22006, VVOL. 771 ((June:353–375)

#2855-ASR 71:3 filename:71301-McPherson

Please address correspondence to MillerMcPherson at Department of Sociology, Universityof Arizona, 440 Social Sciences Bldg, Tucson, AZ85621 ([email protected]) or Department ofSociology, Box 90088, Duke University, Durham,NC 27708 ([email protected]). Support fordata collection was provided by National ScienceFoundation grant SES 0347699 to the first and sec-ond authors and by CIRCLE to Tom W. Smith. Thefirst two authors presented earlier versions of theseanalyses at the 2005 Conference on Social Capital and

Networks in Columbus, Ohio, and at the SocialCapital Working Group at Duke University. Theauthors thank Howard Aldrich, Mark Chaves, JoeGalaskiewicz, Jerry A. Jacobs, Ken Land, S. PhilMorgan, Robert Putnam, Linda Renzulli, BarryWellman, and three anonymous ASR reviewers forhelpful comments. Peter V. Marsden provided detailsof his earlier work, allowing us to replicate his 1987analyses; Tom W. Smith and Jimbum Kim at NORCprovided valuable information about General SocialSurvey procedures and data issues.

There are some things that we discuss onlywith people who are very close to us. These

important topics may vary with the situation orthe person—we may ask for help, probe forinformation, or just use the person as a sound-ing board for important decisions—but these arethe people who make up our core network ofconfidants. How have these discussion networksof close confidants changed over the past two

decades? We address that question here withdata from a high-quality national probabilitysurvey that collected parallel data in 1985 and2004. We find a remarkable drop in the size ofcore discussion networks, with a shift awayfrom ties formed in neighborhood and com-munity contexts and toward conversations withclose kin (especially spouses). Many more peo-ple talk to no one about matters they consider

Social IIsolation iin AAmerica: CChanges iin CCoreDiscussion NNetworks oover TTwo DDecades

Miller McPherson Lynn Smith-LovinUniversity of Arizona and Duke University Duke University

Matthew E. BrashearsUniversity of Arizona

Have the core discussion networks of Americans changed in the past two decades? In1985, the General Social Survey (GSS) collected the first nationally representative dataon the confidants with whom Americans discuss important matters. In the 2004 GSS theauthors replicated those questions to assess social change in core network structures.Discussion networks are smaller in 2004 than in 1985. The number of people sayingthere is no one with whom they discuss important matters nearly tripled. The meannetwork size decreases by about a third (one confidant), from 2.94 in 1985 to 2.08 in2004. The modal respondent now reports having no confidant; the modal respondent in1985 had three confidants. Both kin and non-kin confidants were lost in the past twodecades, but the greater decrease of non-kin ties leads to more confidant networkscentered on spouses and parents, with fewer contacts through voluntary associations andneighborhoods. Most people have densely interconnected confidants similar to them.Some changes reflect the changing demographics of the U.S. population. Educationalheterogeneity of social ties has decreased, racial heterogeneity has increased. The datamay overestimate the number of social isolates, but these shrinking networks reflect animportant social change in America

AMERICAN SOCIOLOGICAL REVIEW, 22006, VVOL. 771 ((June:353–375)

#2855-ASR 71:3 filename:71301-McPherson

Please address correspondence to MillerMcPherson at Department of Sociology, Universityof Arizona, 440 Social Sciences Bldg, Tucson, AZ85621 ([email protected]) or Department ofSociology, Box 90088, Duke University, Durham,NC 27708 ([email protected]). Support fordata collection was provided by National ScienceFoundation grant SES 0347699 to the first and sec-ond authors and by CIRCLE to Tom W. Smith. Thefirst two authors presented earlier versions of theseanalyses at the 2005 Conference on Social Capital and

Networks in Columbus, Ohio, and at the SocialCapital Working Group at Duke University. Theauthors thank Howard Aldrich, Mark Chaves, JoeGalaskiewicz, Jerry A. Jacobs, Ken Land, S. PhilMorgan, Robert Putnam, Linda Renzulli, BarryWellman, and three anonymous ASR reviewers forhelpful comments. Peter V. Marsden provided detailsof his earlier work, allowing us to replicate his 1987analyses; Tom W. Smith and Jimbum Kim at NORCprovided valuable information about General SocialSurvey procedures and data issues.

8

What role, if any, can technology play in addressing this “connection crisis?”

9

abstracted presence

Empathic Communication

distant partners

local partners

abstracted presence:abstract; sensory and non-verbal (e.g., aural, tactile, visual); ephemeral; lightweight

local partners:can readily have

collocated, face-to-face interactions on

a regular basis

distant partners: cannot readily have collocated, face-to-face interactions on a regular basis

reflective sharing: grounded; reflective and verbal (e.g., lingual, textual, narrative);

ongoing; effortful

MFT Model-dependent Common FactorsMFT Model-dependent Common FactorsMFT Model-dependent Common Factors The 4Rs

Common InterventionsCommon InterventionsCommon InterventionsCommon InterventionsCommon InterventionsCommon InterventionsCommon InterventionsCommon Interventions

Common OutcomesCommon OutcomesCommon OutcomesCommon OutcomesCommon OutcomesCommon OutcomesCommon OutcomesCommon Outcomes

Raising awareness of the interaction cycle and each individual’s role in it

Slowing down the process

Repattern / Reflect


Standing metaRepattern / Reflect

Raising awareness of the interaction cycle and each individual’s role in it Encourage personal responsibility

Repattern / Reflect

Use of metaphorUse of metaphor

Reflect / Restory

Family of origin as a context for the cycleFamily of origin as a context for the cycleReflect / Restory

Altering the cycle

Emotional regulationReflect / Restory

Altering the cycle Cognitive reframing

Reflect / Restory

Altering the cycle

Behavioral shifts

Reflect / Restory

Softening

Client’ s awareness of the cycle and their own role in it

Restory /Reconnect

SofteningSoftening of thoughts

Restory /Reconnect

SofteningSoftened behavior

Restory /Reconnect

Softening

Softened affect / emotional regulation Restory /

Reconnect

Making space for the other

Support of partner’s autonomy

Restory /Reconnect


Confidence

Restory /Reconnect

Making space for the other Slowing down

Restory /Reconnect


Personal responsibility

Restory /Reconnect

Restoryreach new

understanding

3Reconnectdefine self with other

4

Reflectconsider self

& other

2Repattern

do something different

1

R

R

R

R

single interface Fr

ed

Fyona

two different interfaces

Ian

Isabelle

Daw

n David

surveyed designs, according to class

likely users from study, according to class

software/device interface

single interface, single user

two identical interfaces

Daw

n

profile class

Meg lifts her Diary Built for Two, a mobile touchscreen device, from her bag as she sits down to her daily coffee.

She turns to the next page in her diary and begins to recount and reflect upon her day, an activity that begets new interpretations of herself and her partner.

Tw

Diary Built for

She highlights as she writes, indicating parts of her entry that she would like to share with her partner.

Ian & Isabelle, Interview 3

00:00:15 -- parents think that she's not in school. grandma doesn't approve of her cross-country

trip plans with Ian.

00:02:15 -- grandparents and mom's don't approve; parents threaten to cut off her cell phone

00:03:45 -- "we're still going to go"

00:04:15 -- "spent a lot of time studying, he spent a lot of time looking for jobs while I studied

so he could help me focus." "'you need to study'"

00:05:00 -- went to a Lady Gaga concert last night

00:05:15 -- they worked out together in the morning and then went to the computer lab to

study / look for jobs together

00:05:35 -- they didn't txt much today. "I didn't tell him this, because my mom still gets the

bills. [because she could see who she's txting]."

00:06:05 -- on Monday he was with his friends

00:06:30 -- we talked about whose family's more normal. we put together a sponsorship

proposal for corporate funding for running. he wrote fragments and I fixed them--I didn't tell

him that.

00:08:30 -- on Saturday, they volunteered for a run. <tennis coach bullying her> "I thought

that was really cool how [Ian] stood up for me."

00:09:45 -- "We talked a lot about… we talked it out, too, what we shared because it's a big

issue. I think Ian is the type of person that likes to be liked and he doesn't understand why my

parents don't like him… so I have to really tell him that you don't really need to listen to what

they have to say… By sharing what I'm writing, what I was thinking about, I wasn't sure if I

01:20:22 -- "when you ask me questions, you taylor them to me, so I understood how to

answer them." ** aw, very nice

01:21:34 -- "I guess [this journal] is like a book of secrets; I'm not going to share it with my

mom and my grandma, I'll share it with Ian, so it's kind of like our book of secrets." ** a

couple journal

01:22:05 -- "we've just been through it together and [people] we've been through most of the

events that are in there together. So it's a different representation, a different portrayal of the

same event." "It's like you have to have a password, and our password is the relationship.

You're not going to understand it if you're not in our relationship"

01:23:00 -- "I wouldn't mind [sharing all of it]. I wouldn't be able to read his handwriting"

"unless I put it on the computer for you"

01:23:30 -- "I guess text messaging before just our thoughts and our writing didn't have as

much meaning. When we talk about it verbally it's easier to understand and connect" **

REPATTERN

01:24:45 -- <discusses the value of highlighting>

01:27:33 -- "it made me really think about our relationship" "it made me really think about our

relationship, too"

01:12:49 -- "it engaged more conversations"

01:13:25 -- "we still txt each other when we're in the same room, when we're this distance

from each other. Random song lyrics, what we're thinking about, if he's hungry he'll say he's

hungry. When he shares things out loud, he has this look on his face, and I think he can hide

that look when he's texting, kind of like a mask."

01:14:45 -- "it was an interesting experience to see how you could engage questions about

different things I wouldn't think about. Or how the journal relates to different things, or why

I'm doing it, like was I really doing it for the study or did I really want to do it? And, I think I

really wanted to do a journal."

01:15:18 -- "I think the whole study was really helpful on getting emotions out there that

otherwise just wouldn't have gotten out there." "yeah" "well, she's very quiet. There's stuff I

know she wouldn't share with me unless she actually thought it through and was concise."

"yeah. That's what it's doing, that's the word. If I was able to write it down I bet I could be

more concise." "it just makes sense, she's quiet and calculated. She doesn't want to say

anything that could--" "hurt somebody" "hurt somebody or potentially damage something."

01:17:12 -- "that stuff about her grandma, that stuff about her grandma that otherwise would

just be really hard to say"

01:17:49 -- "before this study I would always ask her what her mom does, and she would just

tell me 'ask my dad.' Now, she'll actually tell me what her mom does and all that other stuff."

** something they were able to share

01:18:28 -- "and sharing the whole drug problem thing"

01:18:45 -- "talking about the relationship [in the interviews] and writing the journal and

having an outline--a map, a guide, a collection of thoughts [allowed them to share more with

each other]"
























each other]"

understood [Isabelle] better. I also wrote about how much fun it was going to Lady Gaga

together. I told her right after. I wrote it down right after when we went to McDonald's. I just

handed her the notebook."

01:03:57 -- "it was just peaceful,. She was telling me about stuff that I did that was so simple

that I didn't even think about doing. That part of it is something that is very helpful. I guess it's

just the simple small little things that stick out the most [to her]. And, I'm constantly told them

I guess, it's a really nice reminder." ** REFLECT, RESTORY, RECONNECT

01:04:45 -- "yeah, I do [think I'll keep my journal]. I think I'll actually write in it more,

probably more when I get a job. It's been helpful to actually write things down. I don't get as

antsy and I stay more calm about things. I think it's because I can rationalize things a little

better. It's just certain things that I would get angry about in the past that I would just think

twice about after I wrote about it. It brings a different prospective. It kinda makes me feel like

the other side, like what it is that's actually making me mad and why am I getting mad? Is it

really worth it? Cyclists and traffic. I was just getting out of my car and I opened my door and

this guy was just yelling at me as I opened my door and this guy dropped an F-bomb… usually

I would just yell at them. After I wrote about it I was just like 'oh, well, I guess it's a pain in

the ass for him to stop right there. I'm just opening the door and not looking where I'm going.

I'm just being stupid'" ** REPATTERN, REFLECT, RESTORY, RECONNECT **

01:07:28 -- "just how messed up her family was…"

01:07:50 -- "part of her, I guess, that kind of enraged me a little bit, though. I was getting

passive aggressive and yelling about her grandma being an idiot." ** journal sparked anger

01:08:16 -- "I grew up, my parents put me on Ritalin and ADHD meds" <he doesn't understand

how her grandma could have just prescribed all her kids Ritalin just to give them a competitive

edge>

01:10:55 -- "it was really cool to know that simple things have so much value"

00:56:38 -- "my great great grandfather had a family in Pittsburgh and one in Illinois"

00:57:24 -- "it was really hard for me to share, I didn't know what I wrote versus what I had

already told her."

00:57:40 -- "When she was yelling at me and nitpicking at everything I did, I didn't want to

offend her and tell her too much about that." "I kept a little bit of that in. First I gave her the

part that I did something wrong."

00:59:35 -- "it would be helpful, sometimes people go blind and don't see what you're doing…

There are known knowns and unknown unknowns, about what you're doing, I guess. There's a

lot of unknown unknowns for me, there's a lot of things I just don't know about myself, which

I guess would be nice if someone would share, and I guess for her would be nice if I would

share a little less." ** he's already so open with her.

"not for me, maybe for her, though. The stuff I wrote is stuff I would talk about, but the stuff

she wrote is obviously stuff she wanted to talk to me about."

-----

Dec. 9 -- 4pm

I spent until about 3:30 today playing around with a teaching statement. I am having trouble

figuring out how to balance finishing this analysis and preparing for next steps. I suppose

today I will just do a bit of both. On to Couple 9.

-----

01:00:50 -- "if you write it down and remember it, not necessarily talk about it the same day,

but f you can go back on it and look back on it and be like 'remember when we did this, how

happy that made us?'"

01:01:30 -- "wrote down on a notepad about how I was laughing at her mom, about how I

00:49:48 -- "there wasn't much to write about because there wasn't school to bitch about. I

actually wrote about some positives, my best friend, my grandparents…"

00:50:35 -- didn't write about her grandma or the cross country trip. "I actually wasn't that

upset about not going on it, because I'd rather not have her family upset about her, you know,

going on a stupid road trip that can be done anytime."

00:51:05 -- "[wrote about] what was going on." she was the one writing about family issues,

"didn't see the point in being redundant, I guess."

00:51:26 -- "shared how he thought it was really cool hanging out with best friend… and her

mom's voice mail how I thought it was really funny. It's stuff we already usually talk about

anyway… it seemed like the stuff that I shared was the stuff we already talk about anyway…"

"I'm just very open about everything really, there's not much I don't tell."

00:52:30 -- he's going to psychiatrist for anxiety

00:53:10 -- her mom has a Ritalin addiction

00:53:42 -- she asked me yesterday "who do you think's family is most normal?" ** point of

connection for them

00:54:20 -- dad cheated on his mom for 10 years, having another kid with another woman… it

was just really hard for me to deal with all that stuff. Yeah, for a little girl who's growing up

around drugs, her older sister ___ with father… so yeah, I'm just dealing with all that business.

She convinced me to see a therapist. ** connection around this issue

00:55:30 -- "it does make us stronger to have someone to talk to, someone who understands.

We were talking at the gym the other day and we asked 'what if our lives were boring?' she

said that to me after we got off the elliptical, 'what if our lives were boring and our parents

didn't suck and you didn't sue people all the time?' I'm like 'I have no idea. I don't think we'd

be interesting.'"

mom was pissed off about that, didn't know where she was. I guess she just thought that she

was already across the country, so she was just threatening her. I was just like laughing at the

voice mail and that's when we started getting along again, 'cause we were just laughing at the

voicemail." ** REPATTERN, REFLECT, RESTORY, RECONNECT inside to outside the

journal

00:46:31 -- "I just had a better understanding of it, and understanding of what must be going

through her head. It's really hard for her dealing with her family." ** RECONNECTION,

empathy, considering other

00:47:11 -- "she shared the [grandma issue] a few days before."

00:47:45 -- "My sister took a train across the country with her boyfriend, it was just a weird

correlation, because my sister got yelled at by my grandpa when she did it, and now she's

getting yelled at by her grandma." ** connection? empathy, building her into his story?

"it's just weird because no one yelled at the guy in either situation" ** very thoughtful of

him…

00:47:56 -- she shared some of those things from her journal, how upset she was at her

grandma, how upset she was about it not being accepted, an dhow her family has kind of

estranged her

00:48:33 -- "I didn't know what to think of it, both of our families kind of suck, I guess, so I

just kind of supported her." ** CONNECTION

00:48:47 -- "we went to Lady Gaga last night, which was something to deter, get our mind off

of it, it was nice."

00:48:01 -- "I lost my actual journal… [sarcastically says that he's upset he lost it] I actually

like writing in there minus the whole straight line thing. It was ok writing in the journal, it was

a little more structured… applying for jobs."

00:37:58 -- "I would write what my grandma said and summarize it. Then, 'well, what do I

think about what she said and why she said it?' rather than 'she said that just because.'" **

00:38:20 -- "I kinda like [writing in the journal]. Like, I was writing today and I was just

sitting outside and I was like 'this is fun.'" ** study really changing people

00:38:44 -- she thinks she will still keep sharing journal, but she doesn't think he likes writing

or will keep writing. ** one-sided

00:39:15 -- re: what she didn't want to share with Ian. "I woke up and he was just like 'happy

birthday beautiful' and I thought was really sweet… it was really cheesy. And then I've been

asking him 'you still don't want to know?' He's like 'I don't care'" ** DISCONNECTION!

-------

00:42:30 -- lots happened this week. went to a run on friday night. <talks about relationship

with mom, talk about how they both did in the race, talks about how Isabelle went around to

get free stuff like she always does…>

00:43:40 -- they did another miler, were too hot to do it so just hung out on the field with his

grandma

00:44:09 -- volunteered for leukemia and lymphoma society

00:44:33 -- spent day with his best friend from TN… it was really cool that she was accepting

of him going out, felt like he was ditching her a little more or less

00:45:21 -- got into an argument yesterday. she was nitpicking at every little thing he did. I

didn't really understand it until I listened to this voicemail her mom left her. Her mom left her

this rally awesomely psychotic voice message saying--I don't know what's going on there.

Actually it's because we were going to drive across the country and now we're not going to

because her grandmother didn't approve--so we're just flying across the country now… Her

00:30:15 -- "he shared that it hurt him that they don't like him, so it was just like his side of the

story" "he got to see his best friend… hadn't been able to see him since November"

00:31:00 -- "I think [the journal] didn't force actual talking, but it encouraged more

conversation rather than texting each other… you lose meaning in txt messaging, so there's

more meaning when there's actually talking to the person, because you know they're listening."

** sharing, RECONNECTING

00:32:25 -- keeps journal in backpack

00:32:45 -- wouldn't want parents to read it

00:33:05 -- she showed him a page of the journal. He actually looked at a few pages, I think. "I

said, 'here's the page, read it' and then he read the rest of the pages on his own." **

REPATTERNING, sharing

00:34:29 -- I think by keeping it I learned that I can write down things and share it with

people. [taught her] to be more open… in communication." "By keeping it, I will talk about

things that I don't normally talk about with other people" ** repatterning, identity change??

00:35:25 -- "normally I don't tell my friends about my family, [but she talked with her friends

about it]" "by writing stuff down, you have more of a, you can think about, you take it out of

your head and it empties it, you put all your thoughts in there, so you have more to think

about. So, by sharing what I wrote, I could also think about other things." ???

00:37:04 -- "I think keeping a journal makes me think about things I normally wouldn't think

about. Just like the issue with my family. Like normally if I wasn't keeping a journal I'd be like

'whatever' and I wouldn't think about it as much. But, it kinda helped relieve the pressure that's

on me just to put my thoughts into it and to kinda look back and see if there's a problem with it

or how I could fix it when I honestly don't know how. So, it's just looking at the different

angles of a situation when I'm writing in the journal." ** REPATTERN, REFLECT,

RESTORY, journal make her face issues

was going to tell him that my grandma didn't approve, but I just did it anyway. I knew it would

cause tension, but I didn't want to bottle it up and keep it from him. So, the sharing, I guess I

was able to not keep something from him that he would know was bothering me. Like, he

knows when something's bothering me, and I know when something's bothering him, but

sometimes we'll just be like 'no, nothing's bothering us' and we'll let it go." **

REPATTERNING

00:11:47 -- <explains how a negative interaction that she apologized for was bothering him all

day, and it took until he curled up on the bed later… "if we go to NY, if we're still going" he

was frustrated and she said 'you need to tell me what's bothering you' 'I'll tell you tomorrow'

'so, are you going to tell me' he still hasn't told her…

00:15:19 -- "my mom left me crazy messages, which I shared with him--'I'm going to call the

police if you don't call me'"

00:16:06 -- listened to grandma "talk at me about how she didn't approve" … "so I talked to

him about that"

00:17:40 -- she wrote in her journal that her mom used to say she would be her friend and her

mom, but now she realizes that she was just he mom.

00:19:12 -- wrote about this event right after it happened, and throughout the week

00:20:20 -- "I think I wanted to write about it" ** a real journal entry

00:21:00 -- they are now flying across country because grandma doesn't approve.

00:21:54 -- "the writing I guess sort of helped me see my plans, too, not just what I'm thinking

about." ** RESTORY, value

00:23:10 -- "[the journal] helped me set goals"

00:24:04 -- "summarizing [the journal when shared]" "usually when we were just laying

around or walking around" "usually at night, when we were just like laying around, don't know

what to talk about" ** journal as conversation starter

00:25:09 -- "I talked to my grandma today" "my mom was txting me a lot, and so we would

just, I had usually already done my journal entry, so I just talked about my thoughts about how

I think my grandma and my mom are being unfair. Then my mom would just txt me and I

would be like 'oh Ian, look at this, what do you think of this?' then I would explain what I had

written" ** sharing journal content

00:26:07 -- "I wouldn't have shown him messages and stuff. I honestly don't know what to do

and I think he can really help me. … I wanted to be open."

00:26:53 -- discussion about the fight last week

00:27:27 -- "so, without the sharing assignment, do you think you would have talked to him

about your grandma?" "no" ** REPATTERNING

00:27:42 -- "I'm sharing stuff that I wouldn't share I guess"

00:28:03 -- "it did [make it easier to talk about new things like grandma] just to have my

thoughts in order" ** REPATTERNING, RESTORYING

00:28:17 -- "writing it out helps me focus on the main points and what's really important rather

than going around in a circle" ** REPATTERNING, RESTORY

00:28:35 -- "I liked it, I feel like I can share more and it doesn't matter what it's about. I think

it's just easier when I can write it down and then I know what I want to talk about." **

RESTORYING

00:29:45 -- "I would never let him listen to my dad or my mom's messages, and I did, just

because of the situation I guess… might as well tell him everything… I think he liked it, he

laughed." ** REPATTERNING… sharing more of one thing makes share more of other thing

Chris example

8/11$Wed$!!"Had"to"watch"the"kids"until"5:45"then"Did"nothing"met"with"Stacy

8/12$Thu"!!"Watched"the"kids"then"did"

nothing"picked"up"[Daughter]"From"soccer

8/13$Fri$!!"Watched"the"kids"till"5"cooked"

Dinner"Played"[indecipherable]"on"the"

computer"Apply"for"Job"watched"TV

8/14$Sat"!!"Did"nothing"most"of"the"Day"

colored"Cindy’s"Hair"@"night

8/15$Sun"!!"Spent"the"day"@"Home"and"did"

Nothing"all"day"Helped"Cindy"in"the"tent"@"

bed"time"they"Decided"Not"to"Stay

8/16/$Mon"!!"[Daughter’s]"Birthday"Spent"the"day"at"Home"Her"I"had"a"Doctors"

appointment"and"went"with"[name1]"to"

look"@"a"few"neighborhood"for"Apartments

8/17/$Tue"!!"Comcast"came"@"11:00"had"

the"kids"9:30"!"5"then"did"nothing

[daughter] From soccer

Cindy’s

Cindy

[daughter]’s

[name1]

David

David

David

x

But last week, I opened a door. And maybe I should have just tried it sooner. It’s

funny – with this exercise… I often think I know what the answer is going to be, and

yet often it really surprises me. And when I get the answer, then I wonder how I

could have not seen it all along, because in retrospect it seems damn flipping

obvious.

R> Well, it's about time :) - I knew that *puts doorstop under door*

And the answer was, because I love you so very much that anything at all that

would hurt you or us, just breaks my heart so intensely and at such a deep level, I

can’t even begin to describe the pain. And if I feel I’ve done something to cause

you to dislike me in any way –I’m so afraid of losing you – yeah, the tears just flow.

I don’t know… but looking at that emotion and really feeling it and allowing it to

tell me what it was and why it was there – allowed me to see it for what it is. And

it’s not just a negative thing, it’s not just a fear – wow, that’s the part that loves

you. Immensely – intensely – with all my heart – so very deeply. Scarily so.

I’m not sure why I have kept it all boxed up and closed off. I’d probably have to do

the exercise again, to really get it. But I have. I haven’t always been able to feel

it. But all I have to do now, is open the door and ask it, are you happy to see

Rusty? And I get a surge of joy at just the thought of being with you – that races

through my whole body. My heart leaps and races at the thought of you – and I’m

not just mellow and content in your presence but filled with light and pleasure

just to know you are there.

And funny enough – but it almost feels like I’m looking at everything with fresh and

slightly new eyes that had not seen clearly before – all that was in front of me.

Though I’ve no doubt I spoke the truth when I told you I loved you – somehow…

some way – it means even more. I think Rusty – that in my whole life, I have never

had anyone I could truly depend on. Never. No one has ever been reliable.

R> Well, now we can depend on each other with all our hearts and strengths and

help each other through weaknesses.

And with Lars, that was okay – because I kept charge and I relied on me. As I did

with most everyone in my life, including my parents. But you, you are different. I

have told you so many different times, how I have observed people like you – see

F>

Fred?

Fred

F>

[my ex]

10

1. couples need E.C.2. E.C. systems are rare in HCI3. the 4Rs of E.C. helped design DB24. DB2 supported E.C. for some5. interviews supported E.C. for some6. E.C. is a useful tool

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11

MFT Interview 1

start ~3:00

10:35 [argument vs. conflict] "arguments is a pretty broad category; the language we tend to

use is 'conflict'. [spiraling out of control] We're interested in how conflict occurs in couples

and families, and how that conflict progresses to violence... Johnson's Typology of Conflict.

There's some violence that's...about control. [spiraling out of control] But, most violence that

occurs in relationships is actually more about escalating conflict.

11:55 [patterns] MFT was founded on the theoretical basis of general systems theory meaning

that we don't focus on inter-psychic phenomena--we're not as interested in what's going on

within an individual, the classic view of psychotherapy where people sit down and talk about

THERAPY AS LAST RESORT stigma, denial

PATTERNS OF INTERACTION positive interaction patterns, negative interaction patterns

SUPERFICIAL VS. UNDERLYING ISSUESconflict vs. argument, other

SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL spiraling out of control, being stuck in patterns, not understanding their own behavior

RECLAIMING AGENCY partners being without agency, giving agency to partners

BREAKING OUT OF PATTERNS

REFLECTION mindfulness, seeing, reflection, distancing from the self

RE-STORYING new thoughts, new narratives

CONNECTION intimate sharing, love gifts, acceptance, ongoing connection

12

“get the couples to do something differently.” “help couples look at what they’re doing”“help couples see themselves differently”“a relationship needs to be rebuilt everyday”

13

Restoryreach new

understanding


4


& other

2Repattern


1

R

R

R

R

14


Common InterventionsCommon Interventions

Common Common Outcomes

Raising awareness of the interaction


Repattern / Raising awareness of the interaction cycle and each individual’s role in it

Standing metaRepattern / Reflectcycle and each

individual’s role in it Encourage personal responsibilityReflect

Use of metaphor

Family of origin as a context for the cycleFamily of origin as a context for the cycleReflect /



Restory

Behavioral shifts





ReconnectSupport of partner’s autonomy

Reconnect


ConfidenceMaking space for the other Slowing down







Repattern / Reflect




Repattern / Reflect


Reflect / Restory


Altering the cycle



Reflect / Restory

Altering the cycle

Behavioral shifts

Reflect / Restory

Softening


Restory /Reconnect


Restory /Reconnect


Restory /Reconnect

Softening


Reconnect



Restory /Reconnect


Confidence

Restory /Reconnect


Restory /Reconnect



Restory /Reconnect

15

Therapy is not a mere technology imposing a language of expertise and knowledge but first enacts a relational ethics. This is a gesture of hospitality, a welcoming of the other to a place where dialogue as a speaking between persons can occur. Whatever happens after that, in the form of therapeutic techniques, strategies or approaches is secondary... This accords with outcome research showing what contributes most to change is not therapeutic technique or model but “common factors” across all approaches, like the therapeutic relationship and whether the therapist is perceived as empathic, caring and compassionate. (Larner, 2004)

inspired by diagrams by Rupert Wegerif: http://tinyurl.com/dialogic-space-video 16

http://tinyurl.com/dialogic-space-video

http://tinyurl.com/dialogic-space-video


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17

Feather

Scen

tI J

ust C

licke

d to

Say

I Lo

ve Y

ou

Hug Over a Distance

LumiTouch

inTouch

is “intimate, non-verbal interpersonal communication.” It creates a “shared virtual space... through aural, visual, and tactile manifestations of subtle emotional qualities.” (Dodge, 1997)

images borrowed from (Strong and Gaver, 1996; Brave and Dahley, 1997; Chang et al, 2001; Mueller et al., 2005; Kaye, 2006) 18

abstracted presence

distant partners

abstracted presence:abstract; sensory and non-verbal

(e.g., aural, tactile, visual); ephemeral; lightweight


19

abstracted presence


distant partners

local partners




a regular basis



ongoing; effortful

20


Tw

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Diary Built for

21



Tw

Diary Built for


22

The diary is “…a place to advise yourself… a nonthreatening place to work out relationships with others and to develop your capacity for intimacy… a path to self-awareness and self-knowledge… a means of achieving self-identity… a means of accelerating or concluding psychotherapy.” (Rainer, 1978)

23

abstracted presence


distant partners

local partners

Diary Built forTw

24

[name1]

[name2]

[name3]

[name4]

[name5]

[name5] [name6]

[name7][name8]

[name2]

[name4]

David

David

David

Dawn

[name2][name1]

[name3] [name4][name5]

[name5] [name4]

[name2]

Dawn

Alan

[name1]

25

Ian & Isabelle, Interview 3

00:00:15 -- parents think that she's not in school. grandma doesn't approve of her cross-country

trip plans with Ian.

00:02:15 -- grandparents and mom's don't approve; parents threaten to cut off her cell phone

00:03:45 -- "we're still going to go"

00:04:15 -- "spent a lot of time studying, he spent a lot of time looking for jobs while I studied

so he could help me focus." "'you need to study'"

00:05:00 -- went to a Lady Gaga concert last night

00:05:15 -- they worked out together in the morning and then went to the computer lab to

study / look for jobs together

00:05:35 -- they didn't txt much today. "I didn't tell him this, because my mom still gets the

bills. [because she could see who she's txting]."

00:06:05 -- on Monday he was with his friends

00:06:30 -- we talked about whose family's more normal. we put together a sponsorship

proposal for corporate funding for running. he wrote fragments and I fixed them--I didn't tell

him that.

00:08:30 -- on Saturday, they volunteered for a run. <tennis coach bullying her> "I thought

that was really cool how [Ian] stood up for me."

00:09:45 -- "We talked a lot about… we talked it out, too, what we shared because it's a big

issue. I think Ian is the type of person that likes to be liked and he doesn't understand why my

parents don't like him… so I have to really tell him that you don't really need to listen to what

they have to say… By sharing what I'm writing, what I was thinking about, I wasn't sure if I

01:20:22 -- "when you ask me questions, you taylor them to me, so I understood how to

answer them." ** aw, very nice

01:21:34 -- "I guess [this journal] is like a book of secrets; I'm not going to share it with my

mom and my grandma, I'll share it with Ian, so it's kind of like our book of secrets." ** a

couple journal

01:22:05 -- "we've just been through it together and [people] we've been through most of the

events that are in there together. So it's a different representation, a different portrayal of the

same event." "It's like you have to have a password, and our password is the relationship.

You're not going to understand it if you're not in our relationship"

01:23:00 -- "I wouldn't mind [sharing all of it]. I wouldn't be able to read his handwriting"

"unless I put it on the computer for you"

01:23:30 -- "I guess text messaging before just our thoughts and our writing didn't have as

much meaning. When we talk about it verbally it's easier to understand and connect" **

REPATTERN

01:24:45 -- <discusses the value of highlighting>

01:27:33 -- "it made me really think about our relationship" "it made me really think about our

relationship, too"
























each other]"
























each other]"

understood [Isabelle] better. I also wrote about how much fun it was going to Lady Gaga

together. I told her right after. I wrote it down right after when we went to McDonald's. I just

handed her the notebook."

01:03:57 -- "it was just peaceful,. She was telling me about stuff that I did that was so simple

that I didn't even think about doing. That part of it is something that is very helpful. I guess it's

just the simple small little things that stick out the most [to her]. And, I'm constantly told them

I guess, it's a really nice reminder." ** REFLECT, RESTORY, RECONNECT

01:04:45 -- "yeah, I do [think I'll keep my journal]. I think I'll actually write in it more,

probably more when I get a job. It's been helpful to actually write things down. I don't get as

antsy and I stay more calm about things. I think it's because I can rationalize things a little

better. It's just certain things that I would get angry about in the past that I would just think

twice about after I wrote about it. It brings a different prospective. It kinda makes me feel like

the other side, like what it is that's actually making me mad and why am I getting mad? Is it

really worth it? Cyclists and traffic. I was just getting out of my car and I opened my door and

this guy was just yelling at me as I opened my door and this guy dropped an F-bomb… usually

I would just yell at them. After I wrote about it I was just like 'oh, well, I guess it's a pain in

the ass for him to stop right there. I'm just opening the door and not looking where I'm going.

I'm just being stupid'" ** REPATTERN, REFLECT, RESTORY, RECONNECT **

01:07:28 -- "just how messed up her family was…"

01:07:50 -- "part of her, I guess, that kind of enraged me a little bit, though. I was getting

passive aggressive and yelling about her grandma being an idiot." ** journal sparked anger

01:08:16 -- "I grew up, my parents put me on Ritalin and ADHD meds" <he doesn't understand

how her grandma could have just prescribed all her kids Ritalin just to give them a competitive

edge>

01:10:55 -- "it was really cool to know that simple things have so much value"

00:56:38 -- "my great great grandfather had a family in Pittsburgh and one in Illinois"

00:57:24 -- "it was really hard for me to share, I didn't know what I wrote versus what I had

already told her."

00:57:40 -- "When she was yelling at me and nitpicking at everything I did, I didn't want to

offend her and tell her too much about that." "I kept a little bit of that in. First I gave her the

part that I did something wrong."

00:59:35 -- "it would be helpful, sometimes people go blind and don't see what you're doing…

There are known knowns and unknown unknowns, about what you're doing, I guess. There's a

lot of unknown unknowns for me, there's a lot of things I just don't know about myself, which

I guess would be nice if someone would share, and I guess for her would be nice if I would

share a little less." ** he's already so open with her.

"not for me, maybe for her, though. The stuff I wrote is stuff I would talk about, but the stuff

she wrote is obviously stuff she wanted to talk to me about."

-----

Dec. 9 -- 4pm

I spent until about 3:30 today playing around with a teaching statement. I am having trouble

figuring out how to balance finishing this analysis and preparing for next steps. I suppose

today I will just do a bit of both. On to Couple 9.

-----

01:00:50 -- "if you write it down and remember it, not necessarily talk about it the same day,

but f you can go back on it and look back on it and be like 'remember when we did this, how

happy that made us?'"

01:01:30 -- "wrote down on a notepad about how I was laughing at her mom, about how I

00:49:48 -- "there wasn't much to write about because there wasn't school to bitch about. I

actually wrote about some positives, my best friend, my grandparents…"

00:50:35 -- didn't write about her grandma or the cross country trip. "I actually wasn't that

upset about not going on it, because I'd rather not have her family upset about her, you know,

going on a stupid road trip that can be done anytime."

00:51:05 -- "[wrote about] what was going on." she was the one writing about family issues,

"didn't see the point in being redundant, I guess."

00:51:26 -- "shared how he thought it was really cool hanging out with best friend… and her

mom's voice mail how I thought it was really funny. It's stuff we already usually talk about

anyway… it seemed like the stuff that I shared was the stuff we already talk about anyway…"

"I'm just very open about everything really, there's not much I don't tell."

00:52:30 -- he's going to psychiatrist for anxiety

00:53:10 -- her mom has a Ritalin addiction

00:53:42 -- she asked me yesterday "who do you think's family is most normal?" ** point of

connection for them

00:54:20 -- dad cheated on his mom for 10 years, having another kid with another woman… it

was just really hard for me to deal with all that stuff. Yeah, for a little girl who's growing up

around drugs, her older sister ___ with father… so yeah, I'm just dealing with all that business.

She convinced me to see a therapist. ** connection around this issue

00:55:30 -- "it does make us stronger to have someone to talk to, someone who understands.

We were talking at the gym the other day and we asked 'what if our lives were boring?' she

said that to me after we got off the elliptical, 'what if our lives were boring and our parents

didn't suck and you didn't sue people all the time?' I'm like 'I have no idea. I don't think we'd

be interesting.'"

mom was pissed off about that, didn't know where she was. I guess she just thought that she

was already across the country, so she was just threatening her. I was just like laughing at the

voice mail and that's when we started getting along again, 'cause we were just laughing at the

voicemail." ** REPATTERN, REFLECT, RESTORY, RECONNECT inside to outside the

journal

00:46:31 -- "I just had a better understanding of it, and understanding of what must be going

through her head. It's really hard for her dealing with her family." ** RECONNECTION,

empathy, considering other

00:47:11 -- "she shared the [grandma issue] a few days before."

00:47:45 -- "My sister took a train across the country with her boyfriend, it was just a weird

correlation, because my sister got yelled at by my grandpa when she did it, and now she's

getting yelled at by her grandma." ** connection? empathy, building her into his story?

"it's just weird because no one yelled at the guy in either situation" ** very thoughtful of

him…

00:47:56 -- she shared some of those things from her journal, how upset she was at her

grandma, how upset she was about it not being accepted, an dhow her family has kind of

estranged her

00:48:33 -- "I didn't know what to think of it, both of our families kind of suck, I guess, so I

just kind of supported her." ** CONNECTION

00:48:47 -- "we went to Lady Gaga last night, which was something to deter, get our mind off

of it, it was nice."

00:48:01 -- "I lost my actual journal… [sarcastically says that he's upset he lost it] I actually

like writing in there minus the whole straight line thing. It was ok writing in the journal, it was

a little more structured… applying for jobs."

00:37:58 -- "I would write what my grandma said and summarize it. Then, 'well, what do I

think about what she said and why she said it?' rather than 'she said that just because.'" **

00:38:20 -- "I kinda like [writing in the journal]. Like, I was writing today and I was just

sitting outside and I was like 'this is fun.'" ** study really changing people

00:38:44 -- she thinks she will still keep sharing journal, but she doesn't think he likes writing

or will keep writing. ** one-sided

00:39:15 -- re: what she didn't want to share with Ian. "I woke up and he was just like 'happy

birthday beautiful' and I thought was really sweet… it was really cheesy. And then I've been

asking him 'you still don't want to know?' He's like 'I don't care'" ** DISCONNECTION!

-------

00:42:30 -- lots happened this week. went to a run on friday night. <talks about relationship

with mom, talk about how they both did in the race, talks about how Isabelle went around to

get free stuff like she always does…>

00:43:40 -- they did another miler, were too hot to do it so just hung out on the field with his

grandma

00:44:09 -- volunteered for leukemia and lymphoma society

00:44:33 -- spent day with his best friend from TN… it was really cool that she was accepting

of him going out, felt like he was ditching her a little more or less

00:45:21 -- got into an argument yesterday. she was nitpicking at every little thing he did. I

didn't really understand it until I listened to this voicemail her mom left her. Her mom left her

this rally awesomely psychotic voice message saying--I don't know what's going on there.

Actually it's because we were going to drive across the country and now we're not going to

because her grandmother didn't approve--so we're just flying across the country now… Her

00:30:15 -- "he shared that it hurt him that they don't like him, so it was just like his side of the

story" "he got to see his best friend… hadn't been able to see him since November"

00:31:00 -- "I think [the journal] didn't force actual talking, but it encouraged more

conversation rather than texting each other… you lose meaning in txt messaging, so there's

more meaning when there's actually talking to the person, because you know they're listening."

** sharing, RECONNECTING

00:32:25 -- keeps journal in backpack

00:32:45 -- wouldn't want parents to read it

00:33:05 -- she showed him a page of the journal. He actually looked at a few pages, I think. "I

said, 'here's the page, read it' and then he read the rest of the pages on his own." **

REPATTERNING, sharing

00:34:29 -- I think by keeping it I learned that I can write down things and share it with

people. [taught her] to be more open… in communication." "By keeping it, I will talk about

things that I don't normally talk about with other people" ** repatterning, identity change??

00:35:25 -- "normally I don't tell my friends about my family, [but she talked with her friends

about it]" "by writing stuff down, you have more of a, you can think about, you take it out of

your head and it empties it, you put all your thoughts in there, so you have more to think

about. So, by sharing what I wrote, I could also think about other things." ???

00:37:04 -- "I think keeping a journal makes me think about things I normally wouldn't think

about. Just like the issue with my family. Like normally if I wasn't keeping a journal I'd be like

'whatever' and I wouldn't think about it as much. But, it kinda helped relieve the pressure that's

on me just to put my thoughts into it and to kinda look back and see if there's a problem with it

or how I could fix it when I honestly don't know how. So, it's just looking at the different

angles of a situation when I'm writing in the journal." ** REPATTERN, REFLECT,

RESTORY, journal make her face issues

was going to tell him that my grandma didn't approve, but I just did it anyway. I knew it would

cause tension, but I didn't want to bottle it up and keep it from him. So, the sharing, I guess I

was able to not keep something from him that he would know was bothering me. Like, he

knows when something's bothering me, and I know when something's bothering him, but

sometimes we'll just be like 'no, nothing's bothering us' and we'll let it go." **

REPATTERNING

00:11:47 -- <explains how a negative interaction that she apologized for was bothering him all

day, and it took until he curled up on the bed later… "if we go to NY, if we're still going" he

was frustrated and she said 'you need to tell me what's bothering you' 'I'll tell you tomorrow'

'so, are you going to tell me' he still hasn't told her…

00:15:19 -- "my mom left me crazy messages, which I shared with him--'I'm going to call the

police if you don't call me'"

00:16:06 -- listened to grandma "talk at me about how she didn't approve" … "so I talked to

him about that"

00:17:40 -- she wrote in her journal that her mom used to say she would be her friend and her

mom, but now she realizes that she was just he mom.

00:19:12 -- wrote about this event right after it happened, and throughout the week

00:20:20 -- "I think I wanted to write about it" ** a real journal entry

00:21:00 -- they are now flying across country because grandma doesn't approve.

00:21:54 -- "the writing I guess sort of helped me see my plans, too, not just what I'm thinking

about." ** RESTORY, value

00:23:10 -- "[the journal] helped me set goals"

00:24:04 -- "summarizing [the journal when shared]" "usually when we were just laying

around or walking around" "usually at night, when we were just like laying around, don't know

what to talk about" ** journal as conversation starter

00:25:09 -- "I talked to my grandma today" "my mom was txting me a lot, and so we would

just, I had usually already done my journal entry, so I just talked about my thoughts about how

I think my grandma and my mom are being unfair. Then my mom would just txt me and I

would be like 'oh Ian, look at this, what do you think of this?' then I would explain what I had

written" ** sharing journal content

00:26:07 -- "I wouldn't have shown him messages and stuff. I honestly don't know what to do

and I think he can really help me. … I wanted to be open."

00:26:53 -- discussion about the fight last week

00:27:27 -- "so, without the sharing assignment, do you think you would have talked to him

about your grandma?" "no" ** REPATTERNING

00:27:42 -- "I'm sharing stuff that I wouldn't share I guess"

00:28:03 -- "it did [make it easier to talk about new things like grandma] just to have my

thoughts in order" ** REPATTERNING, RESTORYING

00:28:17 -- "writing it out helps me focus on the main points and what's really important rather

than going around in a circle" ** REPATTERNING, RESTORY

00:28:35 -- "I liked it, I feel like I can share more and it doesn't matter what it's about. I think

it's just easier when I can write it down and then I know what I want to talk about." **

RESTORYING

00:29:45 -- "I would never let him listen to my dad or my mom's messages, and I did, just

because of the situation I guess… might as well tell him everything… I think he liked it, he

laughed." ** REPATTERNING… sharing more of one thing makes share more of other thing

26


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27

x





obvious.



























F>

Fred?

Fred

F>

[my ex]





obvious.



























Fred

F>

29

Chris example

[daughter] From soccer

Cindy’s

Cindy

[daughter]’s

[name1]

8/11 WedHad to watch the kids until 5:45 then Did nothing met with Stacy

8/12 ThuWatched the kids then did nothing picked up [Daughter] From soccer

30

1. disliking intimate sharing2. emotional distress3. gender and journaling4. time, money, technology

31


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“By asking couples to scrutinize their relationships and by prompting them to discuss their relationships with one another, our study played a role in shaping these relationships. In some cases, our study served to strengthen a relationship; in other cases, to facilitate its dissolution. …we unwittingly became couples counselors.” (Rubin and Mitchell, 1976)

Couples Research as Couples CounselingSome Unintended Effects of Studying Close Relationships

ZICK RUBIN Harvard UniversityCYNTHIA MITCHELL Boston University

For the past few years, we and our co-workers 1

have been studying the development of relation-ships between men and women among a large sam-ple of student dating couples in the Boston area.Our primary techniques have been questionnaires,administered at several points over a two-yearperiod; interviews with a small subset of thecouples; and a series of laboratory experiments.In all of this, our orientation has been that of thebasic researcher. We are interested in identifyingand clarifying the social psychological processesthat are important in the establishment, mainte-nance, and dissolution of close interpersonal rela-tionships. Like many other basic researchers, wehave been hopeful all along that our work wouldprove to be of value to clinicians, counselors, and,more generally, to people who seek to understandand to improve their own relationships with others.But as we planned and embarked on the research,those potential applications remained securely inthe realm of the potential. They did not seem tobe at all direct or immediate. In the course of ourresearch, however, it became increasingly clear thatwe "basic researchers" had been active agents ininfluencing the relationships of many of the coupleswe studied. By asking couples to scrutinize theirrelationships and by prompting them to discusstheir relationships with onei another, our studyplayed a role in shaping these relationships. In

An earlier version of this article was presented by thefirst author as an invited address at the meeting of theMassachusetts Psychological Association, Auburn, Massa-chusetts, October 26, 1974.

Requests for reprints should be sent to Zick Rubin, De-partment of Psychology and Social Relations, HarvardUniversity, Cambridge, Massachusetts 02138.

1 This research has been directed by the first author, incollaboration with Anne Peplau and Charles T. Hill, andhas been supported by a research grant from the NationalScience Foundation. A book about this research is inpreparation.

some cases, our study served to strengthen a rela-tionship; in other cases, to facilitate its dissolution.In the process, we unwittingly became couplescounselors.

In this article, we examine these unintended"effects of our research. We explore the social psy-chological processes that may underlie these effectsand then discuss some of their methodological andethical implications. Finally, we suggest someways in which a fuller appreciation of the links be-tween couples research and couples counselingmight be of benefit to researchers and counselorsalike.

The Boston Couples StudyThe following is a synopsis of the research pro-cedures employed in our study of dating couples.In the spring of 1972, we sent an initial recruitingletter to a random sample of 5,000 sophomores andjuniors, half of them men and half women, at fourcolleges in the Boston area. We chose the fourcolleges with a view to diversity: They included asmall private college, a large private university, aCatholic university, and a state college for com-muter students. Through the initial mailing, welocated several hundred couples who were "dating"or "going together." We invited these cbuples toinitial questionnaire sessions. The 231 couples whoappeared at these sessions constituted our sample.Our modal couple consisted of a male junior and afemale sophomore who had been dating for about8 months. Almost all of the couples were datingone another exclusively, but few of them had anyconcrete plans for marriage. We proceeded to fol-low up these couples through extensive question-naires in the fall of 1972, the spring of 1973, andmost recently (by mail) in the spring of 1974. Allof the initial participants were followed up, re-gardless of whether or not they were still dating.

AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGIST • JANUARY 1976 • 17

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“In a conventional session, most of the therapist's questions ostensibly are designed to help him or her formulate an assessment. The questions themselves are not usually regarded as interventions to help clients. Yet, many questions do have therapeutic effects on family members... however, some of the therapist's questions can be countertherapeutic.” (Tomm, 1987)

Fam Proc 26:3-13, 1987

Interventive Interviewing: Part I. Strategizing as a Fourth Guideline forthe Therapist

KARL TOMM, M.D.aaFamily Therapy Program, Department of Psychiatry, University of Calgary, 3330 Hospital Drive, N.W., Calgary, Alberta, Canada T2N4N1.

A clinical interview affords far more opportunities to act therapeutically than most therapists realize. Because somany of these opportunities remain outside the therapist's conscious awareness, it is useful to elaborate guidelines thatorient his or her general activity in directions that are liable to be therapeutic. The Milan associates defined three suchbasic guidelines: hypothesizing, circularity, and neutrality. Hypothesizing is clear and easy to accept. The notions ofcircularity and neutrality have aroused considerable interest but are not as readily understood. These guidelines may beclarified and operationalized when reformulated as conceptual postures. This process is enhanced by differentiating afourth guideline, strategizing, which entails the therapist's decision making, including decisions about how to employthese postures. This paper, the first in a series of three, explores these four interviewing guidelines. The other papers willappear in a subsequent issue. Part II will focus on reflexive questioning, a mode of inquiry oriented toward mobilizingthe family's own healing capacity. Part III will provide a scheme for analyzing and choosing among four major types ofquestions: linear questions, circular questions, reflexive questions, and strategic questions.

INTRODUCTIONI have become fascinated with the variety of effects a therapist can have on individual clients or families during the

course of a clinical interview. In a conventional session, most of the therapist's questions ostensibly are designed to helphim or her formulate an assessment. The questions themselves are not usually regarded as interventions to help clients. Yet,many questions do have therapeutic effects on family members, (directly) through the implications of the questions and/or(indirectly) through the verbal and nonverbal responses of family members to them. At the same time, however, some of thetherapist's questions can be countertherapeutic.

The latter became painfully obvious to me a few years ago while reviewing a videotape of a marital session. One of my"innocent" questions appeared to have stimulated the re-emergence of serious marital conflict. It occurred during afollow-up session in which the couple were talking about the fact that they had not had any arguments for several weeks. Inother words, there had been a major improvement in the marriage. After a lively and enjoyable discussion about thesechanges, I asked, "What problems would you like to talk about today?" Following this seemingly innocuous question, thecouple gradually drifted into a bitter argument about which of the two of them most needed further therapy. I (privately)reconstrued the improvement as "transient and unstable" and resumed my treatment of their chronic marital difficulties. Iremained completely blind to the fact that I had inadvertently triggered the deterioration until a colleague pointed it out tome on the videotape.1 In retrospect, the assumption behind the question, that problems needed to be identified and/orclarified before I could act therapeutically, turned out to be limiting and pathogenic. It limited the discussion to areas ofdissatisfaction and served to bring forth pathological interactions. Instead, I could have capitalized on the newdevelopments and asked questions that were designed to strengthen the recent changes. Unfortunately, I did not see thatoption clearly at the time.

This blunder and other more positive learning experiences (reported in Part II) led me to realize that a therapist is farmore influential in what emerges during a session than I had previously imagined. I began examining the interviewingprocess in greater depth and eventually came to the conclusion that it would be more coherent and heuristic to regard thewhole interview as a series of continuous interventions. Thus, I began to think in terms of "interventive interviewing," aperspective in which the range of therapeutic opportunities is extended by considering everything a therapist does during aninterview to be an intervention.

This perspective takes seriously the view that it is impossible for a therapist to interact with a client without interveningin the client's autonomous activity.2 The therapist assumes that everything she or he says and does is potentially significantwith respect to the eventual therapeutic outcome. For instance, every question and every comment may be evaluated withrespect to whether it constitutes an affirmation or a challenge to one or more behavior patterns of the client or family. Asillustrated in the scenario described above, to ask about a problem is to invite its emergence and to affirm its existence. Inaddition, to listen to and to accept the description of a problem is to concede power with respect to its definition (10).Within this perspective, no statement or nonverbal behavior is assumed, a priori, to be inconsequential. Nor is the absenceof certain actions considered trivial. By not responding to particular events the therapist may knowingly or unknowingly

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“Very early in my work as a therapist, I discovered that simply listening to my client very attentively was an important way of being helpful… Research evidence… points strongly to the conclusion that a high degree of empathy in a relationship is possibly the most potent and certainly one of the most potent factors in bringing about change and learning.” (Rogers, 1975)

Empathic: An Unappreciated Way of Being

by

Carl R. Rogers. Ph.D

Centre for Studies of the Person

La Jolla, California

It is my thesis in this paper that we should re-examine and re-evaluate that very special way of being with another person which has been called empathic. I believe we tend to give too little consideration to an element which is extremely important both for the understanding of

personality dynamics and for effecting changes in personality and behaviour. It is one of the most delicate and powerful ways we have of using ourselves. In spite of all that has been said and written on this topic it is a way of being which is rarely seen in full bloom in a relationship. I will start with my own somewhat faltering history in relation to this topic.

Personal Vacillations

Very early in my work as a therapist I discovered that simply listening to my client, very attentively, was an important way of being helpful. So when I was in doubt as to what I should do, in some active way, I listened. It seemed surprising to me that such a passive kind of interaction could be so useful.

A little later a social worker who had a background of Rankian training, helped me to learn that the most effective approach was to listen for the feelings, the emotions whose patterns could be discerned through the client's words. I believe she was the one who suggested that the best response was to "reflect" these feelings back to the client - "reflect" becoming in time a word which made me cringe. But at that time it improved my work as therapist, and I was grateful.

Then came my transition to a full-time university position where, with the help of students, I was at last able to scrounge equipment for recording our interviews, I cannot exaggerate the excitement of our learnings as we clustered about the machine which enabled us to listen to ourselves, playing over and over some puzzling point at which the interview clearly went wrong, or those moments in which the client moved significantly forward. (I still regard this as the one best way of learning to improve oneself as a therapist). Among many lessons from those recordings, we came to realise that listening to feelings and "reflecting" them was a vastly complex process. We discovered that we could pinpoint the therapist response which caused a fruitful flow of significant expression to become superficial and unprofitable. Likewise we were able to spot the remark which turned a client's dull and desultory talk into a focused self-exploration.

In such a context of learning it became quite natural to lay more stress upon the content of the therapist response than upon the empathic quality of the listening. To this extent we became heavily conscious of the techniques which the counsellor or therapist was using. We became expert in analysing, in every minute detail, the ebb and flow of the process in each interview, and gained a great deal from that microscopic study.

But this tendency to focus on the therapist's responses had consequences which appalled me. I had met hostility, but these reactions were worse. The whole approach came, in a few years, to be known as a technique. "Nondirective therapy", it was said, "is the technique of reflecting the client's feelings." Or an even worse caricature was simply that, "In nondirective therapy you repeat the last words the client has said." I was so shocked by these complete distortions of our approach that for a number of years I said almost nothing about empathic listening, and when I did it was to stress an empathic attitude, with little comment as to how this might be implemented in the relationship. I preferred to discuss the qualities of

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“... even if you never share a sentence of your diary with anyone else, you will share it through your life. Its existence will touch other people by the way it changes you and permits you to develop in self-awareness, directness, and honesty.” (Rainer, 1978)

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Does a single interface promote more intimate sharing / Reconnection than a single interface, single user profile?

Is there need for a more structured activity to encourage Reflecting about the self, the other, and the relationship in a single user interface?

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Researchers should consider the possibility that their studies, especially if they use in-depth interviews about personal matters, may unintentionally trigger new perspectives in respondents and subsequently change their lives. We are too tempted to see respondents as passive beings dutifully conforming to their role in the … interview. They may be more reactive than we think. (Veroff et al., 1992)

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• 4Rs framework

• The design space for intimate partners

• Diary Built for Two design concept

• Symmetric and Asymmetric interface profiles

• Therapy as a lens for research methods

• Empathic Communication Technologies

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CONFERENCE PAPERS & NOTESBranham, S.M., Harrison, S.H., Hirsch, T. “Expanding the design space for intimacy: supporting mutual reflection for local partners.” In Proceedings of the Conference on Designing Interactive Systems (DIS ’12), Newcastle, UK, June 2012, 4 pages. (acceptance rate: 20%) (Best Paper Award)

Branham, S.M., Harrison, S. “Designing for collocated couples.” In: Neustaedter, C., Harrison, S., and Sellen, A., eds. Connecting families: the impact of new communication technologies on domestic life. Springer, 2012.

Lee, J.S., Branham, S.M. “Processlessness: staying open to interactional possibilities.” In Proceedings of the Conference on Designing Interactive Systems (DIS ’12), Newcastle, UK, June 2012, 4 pages. (acceptance rate: 20%)

WORKSHOPS ORGANIZED & WORKSHOP PAPERSBranham, S.M., Harrison, S., Tatar, D., Nathan, L., Olivier, P, Thieme, A. “Co-creating and identity-making in CSCW: Revisiting Ethics in Design Research.” Workshop to appear at CSCW 2014, Baltimore, MD, February 15-19, 2014.

Branham, S.M. “Couplehood as culture: exploring intimate couples through a domestic media space.’” In Workshop on Connecting Families: New Technologies, Family Communication, and the Impact on Domestic Space (GROUP ’10), Sanibel Island, FL, November 2010, 4 pages.

INVITED TALKS & PRESENTATIONSBranham, S.M. Designing for Couples. Guest Lecture, Stanford HCI Brown Bag Lunch. Stanford, Palo Alto, CA. October 3, 2012.

Branham, S.M. Design cultures in computer science. Guest lecture, Design Cultures graduate course taught by Matthew Wisnioski. Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, VA. March 13, 2012.

Branham, S.M. Couplehood as culture: exploring intimate couples through a domestic media space. Center for HCI at Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, VA. November 12, 2010.

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• explore the couples design space

• explore Symmetric and Asymmetric interfaces

• explore therapy as metaphor for research methods

• E.C. for other user groups

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abstracted presence


distant partners

local partners




a regular basis



ongoing; effortful






Repattern / Reflect




Repattern / Reflect


Reflect / Restory


Altering the cycle



Reflect / Restory

Altering the cycle

Behavioral shifts

Reflect / Restory

Softening


Restory /Reconnect


Restory /Reconnect


Restory /Reconnect

Softening


Reconnect



Restory /Reconnect


Confidence

Restory /Reconnect


Restory /Reconnect



Restory /Reconnect

Restoryreach new

understanding


4


& other

2Repattern


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What role, if any, can technology play in addressing this “connection crisis?”

final defense presentation 2/12/2014

Technology

samples of people

behaviors of people

temporal changes

spending time

time periods

usingthe time

keywords empathy

social research