Fighting zombies is hard, buying a car shouldn’t be.At Tonkin, we make both easy.

The best way to fight zombies is to never enter into combat with them. Easier said than done – but when hoards of ravenous reanimated beings are beating down your door, you’ll need to use your brain and act fast! The best defense is always good offense, so we recommend equipping your roof with a High Torsion Beef Propulsion System, AKA “Meat Catapult.” Simply construct the catapult to the specs outlined below, load the beef and let ‘er rip. In no time you’ll be chumming zombies away from your property and over to the neighbors, whom you never really liked anyway.

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When you go to Tonkin.com, you can browse the complete inventory of all 17 Tonkin dealerships. Plus, we even deliver your vehicle right to your door, so you’ll never have to worry about leaving the cozy confines of your fortified zombie bunker. That is until you decide to go for that leisurely Sunday drive thru zombie country.

fig 1: Meat Catapult

B. 20-30 LBS BEEF BALL

A. TRIGGER

D. LAUNCHING ARM

C. WINCH

It’s common knowledge that zombies love fabric softener. Following reanimation, a zombie’s olfactory sense is at a heightened state. Zombies can’t get enough of clothes that smell like sweet morning rain. If you don’t want to attract unwanted zombie traffic, be sure to air-dry your laundry the old fashioned way; by hanging it out on a clothesline.

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Want to keep your new car smelling new? The 2011 Nissan Quest is an unconventional minivan that comes equipped with air-scrubbing technology, delivering a purified, cleaner smelling ride; all from the touch of a button. Perfect for your daily transporting of family pets, active kids, or the living dead.

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Not everyone has an arsenal of zombie fighting tools lying around the house. Sometimes you need to take what you have and get a little creative with it. For example: a gravy ladle is pretty useless on its own, but when outfitted with a kitchen knife, it’s instantly transformed into a Gravy Ladle Bayonet. After all, nobody wants to be stuck fending off an army of hungry zombies with just a gravy ladle.

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In life, selection is everything, especially when looking for a car. At Tonkin, we have 17 dealerships so we’re always sure to have the selection you’re looking for.

fig 1: Gravy Ladle fig 2: Knife fig 03: Gravy Ladle Bayonet

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One-thing horror movies have taught us is if you try to run away from a crazed killer, suspenseful music will play, you will be tripped by a log and quickly overtaken. So when being chased by zombies, don’t run! Simply speed walk away. Zombies are remarkably slow, so clench your butt cheeks and briskly walk to safety. Sure you might look silly, but at least you’ll be alive to be made fun of by your friends.

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They say slow and steady wins the race, but so does fewer pit stops. And if you’re looking for max fuel efficiency, it’s tough to beat the 2011 Toyota Prius Hybrid. The Prius Hybrid boasts a combined 50 miles per gallon, saving you both money and frequent pit stops in zombie territory.

C: CLENCHED BUTTOCKS

A: EYES ON THE PRIZE

B: PERFECT POSTURE

D: COMFORTABLE SHOES

Of course zombies hate getting shot with a gun, but when the opportunity arises to be shot with a camera they turn from meat eaters to walking hams. Zombies love the camera so much, they’ve been known to stop mid-attack to strike a pose. So if you see a zombie lumbering towards you, pull out your camera and take a shot the zombie would be proud to tag on Facebook.

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Wish you had eyes on the back of your head? Well, now your car can. The 2011 Honda Pilot & Odyssey both feature a rearview camera-parking assistant. So now even a zombie can parallel park like a rock star.

fig 01: Camera

fig 2: Headshots

If we’ve learned one thing from 1980’s music videos, it’s that zombies are great dancers. The repetitive beats in some songs trigger an involuntary twitch response in the muscles of the un-dead. These involuntary twitches, when syncopated to a beat, combine to form a dance. So next time you’re confronted by a hoard of zombies, bring your boom box and plenty of D batteries, then prepare to see some “thriller” dance moves.

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If you’re looking for a killer factory sound system, you need to hear the audio nirvana that is the 2011 Audi A8. Featuring a Bang & Olufsen Advanced Sound System, the Audi A8 has audiophiles drooling and zombies lumbering for the dance floor.

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For the times you feel like stepping out and being seen, the stylish Fiat 500 is for you. Don’t let its size fool you; it’s small but scrappy. The Fiat’s short wheelbase and oversized wheels are sure to keep you planted firmly on the ground, even while tearing around corners in your ridiculous bologna mask.

You’re not always going to be able to fight zombies, and constantly running from them will only tire you out in the long run. So when you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Follow the steps outlined here to construct a convincing zombie mask using only a slice of bologna. Simply apply the Meat Mask, walk with a limp and you’re ready to blend in with the un-dead. It’s just like mom always used to say, “One man’s bologna sandwich is another man’s meat mask.”

fig 1: TAKE A SLICE OF Bologna & FOLD

fig 2: BITE TWO HOLES AS SHOWN

fig 3: OPEN & FOLD IN HALF

Bite Horizontally

fig 4: INSTANT Meat Mask

fig 5: NOW ASSIMILATE*

*Please do not drive while wearing mask

Sure, playing with zombies can be fun during the week. But when the weekend hits, you just want to get away. So head for the water, because zombies are notoriously awful swimmers—only mastering the dead man’s float. When you want to escape the madness, strap on your floaties, hop in a boat and set sail for the sunset.

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Whether you’re hauling boats, trailers, or just hauling ass away from a zombie apocalypse—if you’re looking for best in its class towing capacity, then look no further than the Dodge Ram 3500. With more than 16,000 pounds of towing capacity, the Dodge Ram out-tows its competition by more than 2,000 pounds.

fig 1: Soaking up the Sun

fig 2: Perfecting the Dead Man’s Float

It’s likely that when Z-Day hits, the zombie infestation will cause power grids to become overloaded, resulting in a worldwide blackout. Thus rendering your home security system totally obsolete. That’s ok, it just means it’s time to get medieval. We suggest equipping all home entry points with tin bucket and marble booby-trap technology (see diagram). Primitive? Yes. Effective? Yes.

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A zombie attack can happen at any moment, so when looking for your next car, it’s important to keep safety in mind. The 2011 Chevy Cruze is protected by OnStar® and comes equipped with 10 air bags, standard. The Cruze is designed to offer continuous protection, so if you happen to run into a zombie herd along the way, you can take comfort in knowing you’ll be safe.

fig 1: FALLING Bucket DISORIENTS ZOMBIE

fig 2: Marbles ARE RELEASED CAUSING SLIPPAGE

At Tonkin, we’re all about providing as effortless a car buying experience as possible. From the ease of ordering your car

online from one of our 17 dealerships at Tonkin.com, to having your new vehicle delivered to your door, to providing you

with all the skills you need to know to thwart a zombie attack. At Tonkin we make buying a car easy.