family constellation and birth order. family constellation = birth order can tell us a lot about the...

Family Family Constellation and Constellation and

Birth OrderBirth Order

Family Constellation = Birth order can tell us a Family Constellation = Birth order can tell us a lot about the lifestyle pattern being developed lot about the lifestyle pattern being developed by the child and how the child perceives reality by the child and how the child perceives reality around them.around them.

In an effort for a child to find their special In an effort for a child to find their special place in a family, children tend to select place in a family, children tend to select different roles, behaviors & interests.different roles, behaviors & interests.

Research shows us that those roles / Research shows us that those roles / characteristics / interests tend to be the same characteristics / interests tend to be the same or very similar for children in the same birth or very similar for children in the same birth order… However there are some exceptions order… However there are some exceptions and we will discuss those.and we will discuss those.

CAUTION!CAUTION!

If you are in one of the birth order If you are in one of the birth order categories, it does NOT mean that categories, it does NOT mean that you automatically have all these you automatically have all these characters. So be careful not to characters. So be careful not to stereotype based on birth order.stereotype based on birth order.

Who am I?Who am I?

ConscientiousConscientious Well organizedWell organized SeriousSerious Goal orientedGoal oriented AchievingAchieving

Believe in Believe in authorityauthority

Take chargeTake charge PrecisePrecise PickyPicky

First Born and Only ChildrenFirst Born and Only Children

Only Children (1)Only Children (1) Enjoys some intellectual advantage by not Enjoys some intellectual advantage by not

having to share mother & father with siblings.having to share mother & father with siblings. Accelerated language development because Accelerated language development because

they learn adult language patterns.they learn adult language patterns. Are very careful not to make mistakesAre very careful not to make mistakes Might have difficulties when outside the Might have difficulties when outside the

home and classmates and teachers don't give home and classmates and teachers don't give them a lot of attention, simply because them a lot of attention, simply because they're used to that at home.they're used to that at home.

Might have an easier time building Might have an easier time building relationships with adults than with other relationships with adults than with other children.children.

Only Children (2)Only Children (2) Enjoy being the center of attentionEnjoy being the center of attention Difficult to get them to change their mindDifficult to get them to change their mind May feel unfairly treated or very frustrated May feel unfairly treated or very frustrated

when things don’t go their way or as they when things don’t go their way or as they planned.planned.

Expect perfection of themselves and perceive Expect perfection of themselves and perceive themselves as far from it. Often the recipient themselves as far from it. Often the recipient of the phrase “I know you're busy, but you're of the phrase “I know you're busy, but you're really the one person who can handle this…”really the one person who can handle this…”

Tend to be impatient or intolerant with people Tend to be impatient or intolerant with people who don't measure up to their standards.who don't measure up to their standards.

Can get much farther if one-on-oneCan get much farther if one-on-one Ted Koppel. James DobsonTed Koppel. James Dobson

First Born Children (1)First Born Children (1) Often considered a special child by the Often considered a special child by the

family, especially if male.family, especially if male. Firstborns work hard at pleasing their Firstborns work hard at pleasing their

parents.parents. They share several similarities with only They share several similarities with only

children like they tend to be children like they tend to be conscientious, well organized, serious, conscientious, well organized, serious, goal oriented, achieving and believe in goal oriented, achieving and believe in authority authority

Firstborns often find themselves Firstborns often find themselves functioning as substitute parents.functioning as substitute parents.

First Born Children (2)First Born Children (2) Firstborns (& only children too) tend to be Firstborns (& only children too) tend to be

the "take charge" kind of people. They tend the "take charge" kind of people. They tend to be the first to notice that something to be the first to notice that something needs to be done about something and they needs to be done about something and they tend to be the first ones to get up and do it.tend to be the first ones to get up and do it.

Firstborns tend to be exacting, precise and Firstborns tend to be exacting, precise and picky. Jobs like pilots, or accountants, tend picky. Jobs like pilots, or accountants, tend to be taken mostly by firstborns because to be taken mostly by firstborns because there is not much room for mistakes.there is not much room for mistakes.

First Born Children (3)First Born Children (3)

There are two kinds of First born children:There are two kinds of First born children:1.1. Compliant nurturers and caregivers. So Compliant nurturers and caregivers. So

if something doesn't go their way, they'll if something doesn't go their way, they'll tend to accept it and live with it. Eg: bad tend to accept it and live with it. Eg: bad food (this is not a weakness; they just food (this is not a weakness; they just tend to bear more readily).tend to bear more readily).

2.2. Aggressive, movers and shakers. Those Aggressive, movers and shakers. Those tend to be the CEO's of the world; they'll tend to be the CEO's of the world; they'll do whatever is necessary to get the job do whatever is necessary to get the job done; unfortunately their social / family done; unfortunately their social / family life tend to be neglected a little because life tend to be neglected a little because they are so driven to do the best job they are so driven to do the best job humanly possible career wise.humanly possible career wise.

Only & First Born Children (1)Only & First Born Children (1)

may be self centered, may be self centered, fearful, ambivalent about fearful, ambivalent about trying new thingstrying new things

trust own opinion, trust own opinion, decisivedecisive

ConfidentConfident

may come off as too may come off as too overbearing or aggressive overbearing or aggressive can run over others; may can run over others; may be insensitive and tend to be insensitive and tend to be selfish; too focused on be selfish; too focused on goal and not enough of goal and not enough of others’ feelingsothers’ feelings

take charge, know take charge, know what to do command what to do command respect; others want respect; others want to follow their to follow their unflinching leadershipunflinching leadership

Leadership Leadership AbilityAbility

tend to criticize tend to criticize themselves and/or others themselves and/or others too much; never satisfied; too much; never satisfied; may procrastinate may procrastinate because they fear they because they fear they cannot do a “good enough cannot do a “good enough job”job”

always do things right always do things right and leave no stone and leave no stone unturned to do a unturned to do a thorough jobthorough job

PerfectionistPerfectionist

Natural StateNatural StateSanctifiedSanctifiedTrait / Trait / CharacteristiCharacteristicc

Only & First Born Children (2)Only & First Born Children (2)

Put themselves or those Put themselves or those they work with under too they work with under too much stress and pressuremuch stress and pressure

Ambitious, Ambitious, enterprising, enterprising, energetic, willing to energetic, willing to sacrifice to be a sacrifice to be a successsuccess

DriverDriver

may believe they are may believe they are always right and fail to pay always right and fail to pay attention to more intuitive attention to more intuitive opinionsopinions

known as straight known as straight thinkers; can be thinkers; can be counted on not to be counted on not to be compulsive or go off compulsive or go off half cockedhalf cocked

LogicalLogical

may worry too much about may worry too much about order, process and rules order, process and rules and not be flexible when and not be flexible when it’s needed; may show real it’s needed; may show real impatience with anyone impatience with anyone who is not as meticulous; who is not as meticulous; can be upset by surprisescan be upset by surprises

Have everything Have everything under control; always under control; always on top of things; tend on top of things; tend to be on time and on to be on time and on scheduleschedule

OrganizedOrganized


Who am I?Who am I?

CharmersCharmers FunnyFunny Can subtly Can subtly

manipulate manipulate othersothers

VivaciousVivacious PopularPopular Can be impatient Can be impatient

or or temperamentaltemperamental

Youngest ChildrenYoungest Children

Youngest Children (1)Youngest Children (1) Often get a lot of service from all the other Often get a lot of service from all the other

family membersfamily members May become dependant or spoiledMay become dependant or spoiled May develop feelings of inferiority because May develop feelings of inferiority because

they're smaller, less able to take care of they're smaller, less able to take care of themselves & often not taken seriously.themselves & often not taken seriously.

Really successful charmers; can boss Really successful charmers; can boss subtly or manipulate the entire family.subtly or manipulate the entire family.

They are the funny / comedian They are the funny / comedian entertainers.entertainers.

Care free, vivacious, popularCare free, vivacious, popular Can also be impatient and temperamentalCan also be impatient and temperamental

Youngest Children (2)Youngest Children (2) When they accomplish something the When they accomplish something the

parents (like it or not) are not so excited parents (like it or not) are not so excited about it as they were with the oldest. Like about it as they were with the oldest. Like a been-there-done-that attitude.a been-there-done-that attitude.

So to get attention, some use charm, some So to get attention, some use charm, some use manipulation, some use making a mess use manipulation, some use making a mess and some use a combination of the 3.and some use a combination of the 3.

If they put something in their mind, they If they put something in their mind, they have a very determined, persistent "I'll have a very determined, persistent "I'll show you" attitude and can persevere for a show you" attitude and can persevere for a very long time.very long time.

Youngest Children (1)Youngest Children (1)

May seem undisciplined, May seem undisciplined, prone to talk too much and prone to talk too much and too long. Can always talk too long. Can always talk a good game but can’t a good game but can’t always producealways produce

Read others well and Read others well and know how to relate know how to relate and work well in small and work well in small groups; love to groups; love to socializesocialize

People People OrientedOriented

May push too hard May push too hard because they see things because they see things only their wayonly their way

Keep coming with Keep coming with tireless persistence, tireless persistence, not taking no for an not taking no for an answeranswer

TenaciousTenacious

Manipulative, seeming to Manipulative, seeming to be too slick and a bit be too slick and a bit unbelievableunbelievable

Likable, fun to be Likable, fun to be around, easy to talk around, easy to talk toto

CharmingCharming


Youngest Children (2)Youngest Children (2)

May appear to be absent- May appear to be absent- minded, a little out of minded, a little out of focusfocus

Appear relaxed, Appear relaxed, genuine, and genuine, and trustworthy-no hidden trustworthy-no hidden agendaagenda

UncomplicatUncomplicateded

May appear self-centered, May appear self-centered, unwilling to give others unwilling to give others credit, having a big ego, credit, having a big ego, temperamental, spoiled temperamental, spoiled and impatientand impatient

Entertaining and Entertaining and funny, know how to funny, know how to get noticedget noticed

Attention Attention seekingseeking

Can be gullible, easily Can be gullible, easily taken advantage of; make taken advantage of; make decisions too much on decisions too much on feeling and not enough on feeling and not enough on thoughtthought

Caring, lovable, Caring, lovable, wanting to help, like wanting to help, like to get strokes and to to get strokes and to give themgive them

Affectionate Affectionate and and EngagingEngaging


Middle Children (1)Middle Children (1) They're the ones that get the short end of the stick; They're the ones that get the short end of the stick;

parents expect them to imitate the greatness of the parents expect them to imitate the greatness of the firstborns and at the same time they see they firstborns and at the same time they see they youngest getting away with more.youngest getting away with more.

They tend to get lower grades even if they are They tend to get lower grades even if they are brighter.brighter.

They tend to get away with more as their parents They tend to get away with more as their parents are not as strict with them as with the oldest and are not as strict with them as with the oldest and they fly under the radar unlike the youngest child … they fly under the radar unlike the youngest child … and they tend to be the rebels of the family.and they tend to be the rebels of the family.

Not as predictable as firstborn or youngest. They Not as predictable as firstborn or youngest. They tend to branch off the child directly above them: If tend to branch off the child directly above them: If he's shy, they're more outgoing; if he's studious he's shy, they're more outgoing; if he's studious more into reading etc., they're more playful, more into reading etc., they're more playful, athletic and outdoorsy.athletic and outdoorsy.

Middle Children (2)Middle Children (2) Tired of being told "you're too young" when seeking Tired of being told "you're too young" when seeking

the privileges of the older sibling and tired of the privileges of the older sibling and tired of hearing "you're too old" when seeking attention and hearing "you're too old" when seeking attention and TLC like a younger sibling TLC like a younger sibling Middle children tend to Middle children tend to have more friends because of the attention the have more friends because of the attention the friends give them.friends give them.

Because of all the negotiating and compromise, Because of all the negotiating and compromise, middle children tend to be good mediators when middle children tend to be good mediators when they're older. However if as children they're more they're older. However if as children they're more compliant and introverted, they grow up as pleasers compliant and introverted, they grow up as pleasers and may end up being victims as adults (bad and may end up being victims as adults (bad relationships, abusive boss or spouse…etc.)relationships, abusive boss or spouse…etc.)

Tend to be the most loyal of spouses and friends. Tend to be the most loyal of spouses and friends. When they are loved by their spouse or liked by When they are loved by their spouse or liked by their friends, they are much more apt to be their friends, they are much more apt to be committed and to go the extra 100 miles with this committed and to go the extra 100 miles with this spouse or friend. spouse or friend.

Middle Children (1)Middle Children (1)

May appear to be May appear to be bullheaded, stubborn, bullheaded, stubborn, unwilling to cooperateunwilling to cooperate

Willing to do things Willing to do things differently or take a differently or take a risk on their ownrisk on their own

Independent Independent thinkerthinker

Being treated unfairly may Being treated unfairly may have made them have made them suspicious, cynical, even suspicious, cynical, even bitterbitter

Don’t expect to be Don’t expect to be treated extra special; treated extra special; really appreciate love, really appreciate love, respect and affectionrespect and affection

Reasonable Reasonable expectationsexpectations

Friends may be too Friends may be too important and not important and not offending may cloud offending may cloud judgment on key decisionsjudgment on key decisions

Relationships are very Relationships are very important. They important. They make friends easily make friends easily and tend to keep and tend to keep themthem

Social lionSocial lion

May be rebellious because May be rebellious because they don’t feel they fit inthey don’t feel they fit in

Learned not to be Learned not to be spoiledspoiled

Grew up Grew up feeling feeling squeezedsqueezed


Middle Children (2)Middle Children (2)

May hate confrontation; May hate confrontation; often choose not to share often choose not to share their real opinions and their real opinions and feelingsfeelings

Peacemakers; willing Peacemakers; willing to work things out, to work things out, great at seeing issues great at seeing issues from both sidesfrom both sides

DiplomaticDiplomatic

May fail to admit it when May fail to admit it when they need help – too they need help – too embarrassing for them to embarrassing for them to ask ask

Can be trusted with Can be trusted with sensitive information; sensitive information; know how to keep know how to keep secrets & secrets & confidentialityconfidentiality

SecretiveSecretive

Can be seen as willing to Can be seen as willing to have peace at any price; have peace at any price; others may try to take others may try to take advantage of themadvantage of them

Know how to get Know how to get along with others. along with others. Can be skilled at Can be skilled at mediating disputes or mediating disputes or negotiatingnegotiating

CompromisiCompromisingng


Variables – Functional PositionsVariables – Functional Positions SpacingSpacing: If there are 5 years or more between two : If there are 5 years or more between two

siblings, it's like starting a new set. Eg (M-14, F-siblings, it's like starting a new set. Eg (M-14, F-13…. M-7, F5) or (M-14, F-12… M-5)13…. M-7, F5) or (M-14, F-12… M-5)

GenderGender: First born males often become functional : First born males often become functional firstborns: Eg (F-16, M-14, M-12, F-10) or (M-16, M-firstborns: Eg (F-16, M-14, M-12, F-10) or (M-16, M-14, M-12, F-11)14, M-12, F-11)

Role reversalsRole reversals: Eg (F-14 Sick, physically or mentally : Eg (F-14 Sick, physically or mentally challenged, F-12, M-10)challenged, F-12, M-10)

Sibling deaths and AdoptionsSibling deaths and Adoptions: Self explanatory.: Self explanatory. The birth order of the parents themselvesThe birth order of the parents themselves: Also self : Also self

explanatory; firstborn parents will run a different explanatory; firstborn parents will run a different ship than lastborn parents. ship than lastborn parents.

Overly critical parentingOverly critical parenting: Can cause a child to : Can cause a child to implode or can cause a child to explode (in a good implode or can cause a child to explode (in a good way or a bad way)way or a bad way)

Relationship with GodRelationship with God: Will not completely : Will not completely eliminate characteristics, but will increase the eliminate characteristics, but will increase the positive ones and decrease the negative ones. positive ones and decrease the negative ones.

ApplicationsApplications When parenting/serving a first born / only child:When parenting/serving a first born / only child:

Reassure them that if something they worked on is Reassure them that if something they worked on is not absolutely perfect, they are still loved and it not absolutely perfect, they are still loved and it does not decrease their value as a human being.does not decrease their value as a human being.

When parenting/serving a youngest child:When parenting/serving a youngest child: Give them Give them the message “we love you very much, but you're the message “we love you very much, but you're not going to get away with … and there are not going to get away with … and there are consequences.”consequences.”

When parenting/serving a middle child:When parenting/serving a middle child: Let them Let them know that they are special and are loved and they know that they are special and are loved and they don't have to be like the older child, they can be don't have to be like the older child, they can be themselves because they are wonderful and they themselves because they are wonderful and they can also have as much fun as the youngest.can also have as much fun as the youngest.

With all categories of birth order:With all categories of birth order: (LOVE & RESPECT) (LOVE & RESPECT) Train them / discipline them and bring them up in Train them / discipline them and bring them up in the Lord and all will be well.the Lord and all will be well.

Glory be to God Forever, Amen.Glory be to God Forever, Amen.

family constellation and birth order. family constellation = birth order can tell us a lot about the...

Documents