FACS 56 life management

the listening process

why is listening so hard?

brain is incredibly powerful—unless we are engaged in active listening, really concentrating and asking questions of the speaker—does not have enough to keep it busy

not busy brain=blurred focus & daydreams

why is listening so hard?

distractions interfere with effective listening

Too hot? Too cold?

Too tired? Worried about the parking ticket you just got?

why is listening so hard?

good listeners stop the conversation and admit they weren’t concentrating when distractions occur

they ask the speaker to begin again when they are ready to refocus their attention and prepared to assimilate, organize & respond

why is listening so hard?

preconceptions and prejudice against the speaker or topic can be barriers to effective listening—close-mindedness

refusing to listen because you don’t like the message is a missed opportunity to learn

why is listening so hard?

try to focus on the emotional content behind the message

pay attention to the pitch, tone, speed, and body language

a speaker that feels you have genuinely listened to them is more inclined to listen to you

active listening is effective listening

an active listener concentrates on the speaker and is mentally and emotionally engaged

we must break the old habit of never getting beyond just hearing the message

eliminate distractions

increase your ability to hear by eliminating noise and other environmental interference

create a setting where you can see the speaker, make eye contact & won’t get distracted

be honest if it is not a good time for you to listen—ask to set aside a different time

be open

have empathy for the speaker—strive to really understand their thoughts and feelings

you do not need to agree with them

you are gathering information—listen to the whole story without judging

accept that people have different values, styles & opinions—react to ideas not to the person

concentrate

ask questions of the speaker—open-ended questions instead of those that can be answered with “yes” or “no”

limit your own talking—focus your mind on what the speaker is saying, not on what you want to say next

be very attentive to nonverbal messages—make sure verbal and nonverbal match

“no problem” verbal message and angry facial expression do not correspond

listen for the true meaning

often people are not assertive because they fear hurting the feelings of others or they do not want to be rude—this can result in less clear or direct communication

be aware of questions or complaints that are actually requests.

one way to know if you really understood the message is to paraphrase“what I hear you saying is…”“let me see if I understand…”

participation activity:listening and paraphrasing pg. 186

…divide into groups of three people—sender, receiver & observer---each person should get the chance to play each role

…the sender chooses a topic and makes brief comments about it, pausing after each comment to allow the receiver to clarify what has been said or to paraphrase the comment

…when paraphrasing the listener should try to make paraphrase more specific than the original statement

…the observer can make suggestions if the sender and receiver need help

homework:listening to a loved one pg. 181

…select a person who is very close to you…listen to them for 20 minutes…eliminate distractions, do nothing else but listen…show openness with your body language and maintain eye contact…concentrate on what they say & listen for the true meaning…write what you discovered on pg. 182