facing the crisis of the family in the name of the children: first comparative survey on children...

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FACING THE CRISIS OF THE FAMILY IN THE NAME OF THE CHILDREN:

FIRST COMPARATIVE SURVEY ON CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE

STRASBOURG 23 OCTOBER 2013 EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT Room LOW 3.1

www.colibri-italia.it

Jan Piet H. de ManChild and Family PsychologistAccredited Family Mediator

European Institute for the Best Interests of the [email protected]

JOINT PHYSICAL CUSTODY IN BELGIUM AND

AGE-ADAPTED PARENTAL PLANS

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Jan Piet H. de ManChild and Family PsychologistAccredited Family Mediator

European Institute for the Best Interests of the [email protected]

(Nearly) EquallyShared Parenting in Belgium

and best practi ce possibiliti es

Law tending to privilege the egalitarian housing of the child of separated parents

and regulating the forced enforcement in matters of child housing

18 JULY 2006

Civil Code Art. 374 § 2 :

“In case the parents do not live together and seize the court with their dispute, the agreement on the housing of the children is homologated by the court except when it obviously is contrary to the interest of the child.

In the absence of an agreement, in case of joint parental authority, the court examines with priority, at the request of at least one parent, the possibility of fixing the housing of the child in an egalitarian way between his parents.

However, if the court estimates that the egalitarian housing is not the most appropriate formula, it can decide to fix a non-egalitarian housing.

Anyhow, the court decrees by a specially motivated judgment, taking into account the concrete circumstances of the case and the interest of the children and of the parents.”

323.10.2013 Strasbourg CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE

Loi tendant à privilégier l'hébergement égalitaire de l'enfant dont les parents sont séparés et réglementant

l'exécution forcée en matière d'hébergement d'enfant18 juillet 2006

§ 2. Lorsque les parents ne vivent pas ensemble et qu'ils saisissent le tribunal de leur litige, l'accord relatif à l'hébergement des enfants est homologué par le tribunal sauf s'il est manifestement contraire à l'intérêt de l'enfant.

A défaut d'accord, en cas d'autorité parentale conjointe, le tribunal examine prioritairement, à la demande d'un des parents au moins, la possibilité de fixer l'hébergement de l'enfant de manière égalitaire entre ses parents.

Toutefois, si le tribunal estime que l'hébergement égalitaire n'est pas la formule la plus appropriée, il peut décider de fixer un hébergement non-égalitaire.

Le tribunal statue en tout état de cause par un jugement spécialement motivé, en tenant compte des circonstances concrètes de la cause et de l'intérêt des enfants et des parents.


More general information:

Study on the Enforcement of Family Law Judgments

National Report of Belgium

Prof Marta PERTEGÁSProfessor of Private International Law, University of Antwerp –Counsel Nauta Dutilh (Brussels) www.ua.ac.be/marta.pertegas

Prof Frederik SWENNENProfessor of Family Law, University of Antwerp – www.ua.ac.be/frederik.swennen Attorney-at-law GREENILLE Estate & Trust Attorneys – www.greenille.com

http://ec.europa.eu/civiljustice/publications/docs/family_rights/belgium_en.pdf


http://www.greenille.com/

Best Practice?

“the agreement on the housing of the children is homologated by the court”

A parental agreement is the best guaranty for the children’s best interests =>

YES

Best Practice?

“the court examines (…) the possibility” and

“if the court estimates that the egalitarian housing is not the most appropriate formula, it can decide to fix a non-egalitarian housing.”

This leads to disputes pro and contra “egalitarian housing”. Parental disputes harm the children’s best interests. =>

NO

Better?:

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Law Proposition concerning the Housing Regulation of Minor Children

with their Non-Cohabiting Parents(deposited by Mr. Guy Swennen)

30 March 2004


“In the absence of such an agreement, the judge, when one of the parents requested it, enunciates an in time as equal as possible shared parenting, except when there are objective reasons in the interest of the child not to grant it, and determines the domicile.”

Best practice would be to stimulate parents to elaborate agreements (in law and/or jurisdiction and/or expertise): “As long as the parents do not agree on the parenting time schedule for their children, the children shall be taken care of alternatingly during half of the time by each of their parents.”

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A PARENTING PLAN is since long compulsory in Belgian “mutual consent divorce”:

Art.1288 Jud.C.: The spouses must fix in written their conventions about the following topics: (…) 2° their authority on the person and their management of the assets of their children and the right to personal contact (…) 3° the contribution of each spouse to the cost of living, the upbringing and the adequate education of their children”

Best practice: A parenting plan should be compulsory before the start of every divorce or separation procedure (as it is in The Netherlands).

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FAMILY MEDIATION

Art. 387bis Civ. C.: “The court tries to reconcile the parties. It gives them all useful information on the procedure and especially on the interest of having recourse to mediation, as provided in the seventh part of the judicial Code. When it establishes that a reconciliation is possible, it can order the adjournment of the procedure in order to allow the parties to gather all useful concerning information and to start the mediation process.” (The parents have to agree on going to a mediator.) Best practice:Compulsory information session and try-out of mediation (subventioned by the Justice department) before the judicial procedure (as in Canada etc.)

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PRACTICEin Flanders

“2,207 divorced families in which there was at least one common child at the time of the residential separation.” “Joint physical custody = child lives at least 33% of time with each parent”

“The frequency of sole mother custody has decreased over time: the incidence has dropped from almost 80% to approximately 53%. This decrease was nearly balanced by an increase in joint physical custody, which has tripled over three decades. The incidence was less than 10% for couples divorced before 1995, but joint physical custody was the arrangement for 33% of the most recently divorced couples.” “cooperative couples were more likely to have joint physical custody compared to sole mother custody” “joint physical custody was most likely when children were between 4 and 12 years old” “at the residential separation”.

p.831-833.

An Katrien Sodermans, Koen Matthijs, Gray Swicegood:

Characteristics of joint physical custody families in Flanders.

DEMOGRAPHIC RESEARCH, Volume 28, article 29, pages 821-848, published 16 april 2013.

http://www.demographic-research.org/Volumes/Vol28/29/

http://www.demographic-research.org/Volumes/Vol28/29/

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PRACTICEChanges over time

“The association with the highest change over time was parental conflict. (...) Before 1995 joint physical custody was significantly associated with low parental conflict. For example, parents with joint physical custody arrangements that divorced before 1995 reported a mean conflict score of 3.9, whereas this figure was 4.7 for sole father custody families and 5.6 for sole mother custody families. However, the association between parental conflict and the custody arrangement was absent for couples that divorced after 1995.” “joint physical custody became more widespread among average-educated parents after joint physical custody had been legally adopted (2006).”

p. 833.

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PRACTICE: JUDGMENTSFrequencies

In a 2010-2011 research in 2 Belgian courts concerning 276 judgments in cases in which fathers asked an egalitarian housing (equally shared parenting), this housing regulation was granted in 37 % of the cases. Of the remaining 63 %, an in-between regulation like 9/5 was ordered in 17,25 % of these cases (10,9 % of the total), while in the remaining 82,75 % (52,1 % of the total), the traditional half-of-the-weekends-regulation (or less) was ordered.

Dossier “Intérêt de l’enfant dans le cadre de la loi sur la garde alternée”. Dossier realisé avec les collaborations de Céline Lefèvre, Sophie Tortolano, Thierry Riechelmann, Eric Messens.

Mental’idées n°19 (février 2013). Les tendances statistiques des décisions judiciaires en matière d’hébergement, p. 26.

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PRACTICE: JUDGMENTSREFUSING ORDERS

The 200 motivations for these 174 refusing orders were (each order could have several motivations; absolute numbers): 1. Young age: 41 2. Order of preliminary social inquiry, study, police inquiry: 34 3. Conflict between parents: 324. Need of progressivity: 32 5. Need of permanence/anchorage in the maternal house: 21 6. Inadequate professional time schedules and occupations/distances between domiciles: 20 7. Childrearing deficiencies: 14 8. Material deficiencies: 6

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PRACTICE: JUDGMENTSGRANTING ORDERS

Motivations (89) for the 102 positive decisions: 1. Nothing is opposed to the installment of an egalitarian housing: correct conditions in father and mother: 60 2. Need of equilibrated contacts with father and mother: 19 3. Childs opinion for egalitarian housing (more than 12 years): 4 4. No specification of the motivation: 4 5. Egalitarian housing practiced since …: 2

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Best practice:

Age and time perception of the child as a determinant for

age-adapted parenting plan arrangements and court orders

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Kelly, J. & Lamb, M. E. (2000). Using child development research to make appropriate custody and access decisions. Family & Conciliation Courts Review, 38, (3), 297-311.

Berger, Maurice & Gravillon, Isabelle: "Mes parents se séparent", Ed. Albin Michel, 2003.

Jaede, Wolfgang: “Was Scheidungskindern Schutz gibt. Wie sie unbeschädigt durch die Krise kommen.” Verlag Herder, 2008. e-book ISBN 978-3-451-33069-8

Rotsaert, Joke (18/12/2012). Universiteit Antwerpen (persoonlijke mededeling).

Scientific Bases

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The Age and the Housing Schedule of the ChildProgressive Calendar

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Age Maximal Separation Housing Schedule0 to 6 Months 3 times a Week Each time 3 hours with the father

6 Months t 1 year 3 times a Week Each time 4 hours with the father + 1 Night

1 to 3 years 3 times a Week, but 24 hours in the Weekend with the father

each time 5 hours with the father(e.g. 1/1/1/1/1/1/1)

3 years not more than 3 days separated from one parent

e.g. 3/2/2


e.g. 3/2/2

5 and 6 years not more than 5 days separated from one parent

e.g. 5/5/2/2


e.g. 5/5/2/2

8 and 9 years not more than 7 days separated from one parent, 10 days in holidays

e.g. 7/7

10 to 13 years not more than 7 days separated from 1 parent, 2 weeks in holydays

e.g. 7/7

14 years and older not more than 14 days separated from one parent, when the youngster wants this schedule

e.g. 14/14


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More recent scientific research• Kelly , J. B. (2005). Developing beneficial parenting plan models for

children following separation and divorce. Journal of American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 19, 101-118.

• Kelly, J. B. (2007). Children’s living arrangements following separation and divorce: Insights from empirical and clinical research. Family Process, 46(1), 35-52.

• Michael E. Lamb and Joan B. Kelly: Improving the Quality of Parent-Child Contact in Separating Families with Infants and Young Children: Empirical Research Foundations. In R. M. Galazter-Levy, J. Kraus, & J. Galatzer-Levy. (2009). The scientific basis of child custody decisions. (Second edition). Hoboken, NJ: Wiley. (pp. 187-214): S. 10-11.

• Joan B. Kelly, Ph.D. © 2010: Options for Parenting Plans – (School Age). (personally communicated .ppt)

• Linda Nielsen (May 2013): Custody and Overnights for Young Children: Large Issues, Small Data. WJFL, Vol. 33, p. 8-11.


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Age adapted parenting plan: Subjective Opinions

“Various writers and researchers cautioned that any overnight time away from mothers before age three23 or age four24 is harmful to the mother-infant attachment, and therefore strongly recommended against overnights with fathers. No empirical support has sustained these recommendations, (…) but the prohibitions against overnights for young children with their fathers, who are not strangers but a second important attachment figure, remain central in popular thinking, custody evaluation recommendations, and judicial decision-making.26 ”23 WILLIAM F. HODGES, INTERVENTIONS FOR CHILDREN OF DIVORCE: CUSTODY, ACCESS, AND PSYCHOTHERAPY (1991).24 Judith Solomon & Zeynep Biringen, Another Look at the Developmental Research: Commentary on Kelly and Lamb’s ‘Using Child Development Research to Make Appropriate Custody and Access Decisions for Young Children’, 39 FAM. CT. REV. 355, 361 (2001).26 Author experience as family law judicial trainer and presenter at national and international divorce conferences.

Joan B. Kelly (2005): Developing Beneficial Parenting Plan Models for Children Following Separation and Divorce. Journal of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, Vol. 19, 237-254, at 243-244. https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-iOqOKLc35POG5MazFfejhidzQ/edit?pli=1

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Age adapted parenting plan: Objective Facts

“More recently, empirical longitudinal research reported that no detriment to children from birth to three years is associated with overnights with fathers.27 Mothers and fathers of those children who had overnights reported fewer social and attention problems in their children, and less withdrawn behavior among girls, compared to those without overnights. Among children from age four to six, overnights were associated with significantly fewer psychological adjustment problems, when compared to those without overnights. Consistency of schedule was a most important predictor of good adjustment, as children with inconsistent schedules were reported by mothers and fathers to have more social problems and internalizing symptoms.”

27 Marsha K. Pruett, et al., Critical Aspects of Parenting Plans for Young Children: Interjecting Data into the Debate About Overnights, 42 FAM. CT. REV. 39, 53-56 (2004), (study excluded families with a history of domestic violence.) Joan B. Kelly (2005): Developing Beneficial Parenting Plan Models for Children Following Separation and Divorce. Journal of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, Vol. 19, 237-254, at 244. https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-iOqOKLc35POG5MazFfejhidzQ/edit?pli=1

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Age adapted parenting plan: Objective Facts: Why?

“Although evidence exists of gender differences in the parenting of fathers and mothers (for example, fathers play with their young children proportionately more than do mothers; physical care giving is a larger component of mother-infant interactions, compared to fathers), parents are more similar in interacting with their young children than different, and both parents make significant contributions to their children’s social and cognitive development and their emotional well-being through their nurturance, interest, and approval.29 ”

29 Michael E. Lamb, The Role of the Father in Child Development (Michael E. Lamb ed., 3rd ed. 1997).

Joan B. Kelly (2005): Developing Beneficial Parenting Plan Models for Children Following Separation and Divorce. Journal of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, Vol. 19, 237-254, at 244. https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-iOqOKLc35POG5MazFfejhidzQ/edit?pli=1

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Age adapted parenting plan: Simple RuleA Child should not be separated from one of its parents for more days than its age in years (or, in casu, the age of the youngest sibling).

i.e. maximally 1 day for a 1 year old child, maximally 2 days for a 2 years old, 1 week (e.g. week/week) only from the end of the 1st year of the primary school, 12 days (= traditional half of the weekends) only from the end of the 1st year of the secondary school, etc..

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Age adapted parenting plan: What is it About?

The Child‘s Subjective Time Perception,

its ability to overlook the future


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The Child‘s Subjective Time Perception

% of its Age

1 year old child experiences 1 day as long as its 30 years old parents 1 month1 „ „ „ „ 12 days (between 2 alternating WEs) „

„ „ „ 1 yearKindergarten child „ 12 days „ „ „ „ „

„ 4 months„ „ „ 1 week (in a

week/week) „ „ 2 months


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Concrete parenting time schedules:

general rules

Avoid (interpretation) conflicts

(in the presence of the children)!

=> Precise formulations!

Stimulate elaborating agreements!

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Concrete parenting time schedules:preliminary general stipulations

“All schedules of this parenting plan are valid as long as both parents and their children do not agree on an other schedule.”

“As long as the parents and their child(ren) do not agree on the place of transition, the child(ren) will be brought and collected at its (their) nursery or nurse or school.”

“Each parent may authorise an other person to collect his/her child(ren), with notification to the child(ren).”

Concrete parenting time schedules:Joan B. Kelly, Ph.D., and Divorce Resolutions, LLC., 2003:

Child Custody Parenting Plans Options (Children of School Age) Some Possible Options for Child Custody Parenting Plans for Children of Divorcing Parents.

www.ColoradoDivorceMediation.com/family/Child-Custody-Parenting-Plans-Options.pdf

Time of the child with one and with the other parent and at school or nurse(ry)

(Nearly) every other weekend: 11/3 „The last school day of each school week

comprising the first, third or fifth Friday of the month the father (mother) will collect his (her) child(ren)

at its (their) school(s) and bring it (them) back to its (their) school(s) the next school day.“


http://www.ColoradoDivorceMediation.com/family/Child-Custody-Parenting-Plans-Options.pdf

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Every other weekend: 12/2 (11/3) According to that children’s subjective time

perception ”simple rule”, this traditional option only really guaranties the best interests of the child when it has finished its first year of secondary school (ca. 12 years)!

“This option establishes 12 days separation from the second parent. Divorce research indicates that this is often too long for many children, and may diminish the second parent’s importance to the children — with fewer opportunities for involvement in their day-to-day, school and homework activities. In addition, this option provides little relief to the first parent from children responsibilities.”

Joan B. Kelly, Ph.D., and Divorce Resolutions, LLC., 2003: Child Custody Parenting Plans Options (Children of School Age)www.ColoradoDivorceMediation.com/family/Child-Custody-Parenting-Plans-Options.pdf


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Divorce as Risk for Children“A large body of empirical research confirms that divorce increases the risk for adjustment problems in children and adolescents (for reviews, see

Amato, 2000; Emery, 1999; Hetherington,1999; Kelly, 2000; McLanahan, 1999; Simons et al., 1996). Children of divorce were significantly more likely to have behavioral, internalizing, social, and academic problems when compared with children from continuously married families. The extent of risk is at least twice that of children in continuously married families (Hetherington,

1999; McLanahan; Zill, Morrison, & Coiro, 1993). Although 10% of children in continuously married families also have serious psychological and social problems, as measured on objective tests, estimates are that 20–25% of children from divorced families had similar problems (Hetherington& Kelly, 2002; Zill & Schoenborn, 1990). The largest effects are seen in externalizing symptoms, including conduct disorders, antisocial behaviors, and problems with authority figures and parents. Less robust differences are found with respect to depression, anxiety, and self-esteem. (…) preadolescent boys were at greater risk for these negative outcomes than girls»Kelly , Joan B. and Robert E. Emery: Children’s Adjustment Following Divorce: Risk and Resilience Perspectives. Family Relations, 2003, 52, 352–362, p. 355.

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“Children in divorced families have lower academic performance and achievement test scores compared with children in continuously married families. The differences are modest and decrease, but do not disappear, when income and socioeconomic status are controlled (for review, see McLanahan, 1999). Children from divorced families are two to three times more likely to drop out of school than are children of intact families, and the risk of teenage childbearing is doubled. (…) Children from divorced families have more difficulties in their intimate relationships as young adults. Compared with young adults in continuously married families, young adults from divorced families marry earlier, report more dissatisfaction with their marriages, and are more likely to divorce (Amato, 1999, 2000; Chase-Lansdale,

Cherlin, & Kierman, 1995). Relationships between divorced parents and their adult children also are less affectionate and supportive than those in continuously married families (Amato & Booth, 1996; Zill et al., 1993). When divorced parents denigrated the other parent in front of the children, young adults were more likely to report angry and less close relationships with the denigrating parents (Fabricius & Hall, 2000).” Kelly , Joan B. and Robert E. Emery: Children’s Adjustment Following Divorce: Risk and Resilience Perspectives. Family Relations, 2003, 52, 352–362, p. 356.

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Every other weekend: Effects on Children

In “a middle-aged sample (age 35–84, N = 2,496)” “Those who experienced parental divorce as a child (…) or as an adult (…) had a higher risk of depression compared to those whose parents are still married. Similar results were found for family solidarity, suggesting that parental divorce was associated with long-lasting effects on the children who experienced it.” Holly Uphold-Carrier & RebeccaUtz: Parental Divorce Among Young and Adult Children: A Long-Term Quantitative Analysis of Mental Health and Family Solidarity. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, Volume 53, Issue 4, 2012, pages 247-266, 21 May 2012http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10502556.2012.663272#.UmFNghbnYUI

http://www.tandfonline.com/action/doSearch?action=runSearch&type=advanced&searchType=journal&result=true&prevSearch=+authorsfield:(Uphold%5C-Carrier,+Holly)

http://www.tandfonline.com/action/doSearch?action=runSearch&type=advanced&searchType=journal&result=true&prevSearch=+authorsfield:(Utz,+Rebecca)

Every other week: 7/7„In the even calendar weeks the father will,

and in the odd calendar weeks the mother will

collect their child(ren) at its (their) school(s)

on the last school day of each school week

and take care of it (them) during the following weekend

and school week.“



Every other week: 7/7According to that children’s subjective time perception ”simple rule”, this traditional option only really safeguards the best interests of the child when it has finished its first year of primary school (ca. 7 years)!

By that age/developmental phase, the child has learnt the names of, and is able to recognise and foresee the week days.

“Note: changing households on Friday after school often works better than on the traditional Monday after school approach (allowing for a “winding-down” at the time of transition, rather than requiring “gearing-up” at that time).” Joan B. Kelly, Ph.D., and Divorce Resolutions, LLC., 2003: Child Custody Parenting Plans Options (Children of School Age)www.ColoradoDivorceMediation.com/family/Child-Custody-Parenting-Plans-Options.pdf



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Children’s best interests?

Outcomes for Children in Shared Residential Custodycompared with children who “live almost exclusively with their mother”

Study ! Other ! Psychological ! Behavioral ! Relationship ! Relationship ! Physical health

! ! Emotional ! ! with father ! with mother !

Spruijt & Duindam (2010) ! Same ! Better ! Better ! Better ! Better !

! academically ! ! ! ! !

Fabricius et al. (2010) ! ! ! ! Better ! !

Neoh & Mellor (2010) ! ! Same ! more stressed ! !!

Kaspiew et al. (2009) ! ! Better ! Better ! ! !

Melli & Brown (2008) ! ! Better ! Better ! Better ! ! Better

Campana et al. (2008) ! ! Better ! Better ! ! !

Fabricius & Leucken (2007) ! ! ! ! Better ! Better ! Better

Breivik & Olweus (2006) ! same academically ! Better ! Better ! ! !

! drugs and drinking ! ! ! ! !

Lee (2002) ! ! Better ! Better ! ! !

Buchanan & Maccoby (1996) ! better academically ! Better ! Better ! Better ! Better ! BetterPearson & Thoennes (1991) ! ! Better ! Better ! !

!Luepnitz (1991) ! ! Same ! Same !

! !Brotsky et al. (1991) ! ! Better ! Better !

! !

Modified from: Linda Nielsen (2011) Shared Parenting After Divorce: A Review of Shared Residential Parenting Research, Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 52:8, 586-609, DOI: 10.1080/10502556.2011.619913. Page 598.

Every other Weekend + each Week 1 fixed Day + Night: 6/1/1/3/2/1

„... Moreover (s)he will go and get their child(ren) from its (their) school each Wednesday and bring it (them)

back to its (their) school the next school day morning.“

Every other weekend + each week 2 same days: 3/2/2

„Each Monday of each odd calendar week, the child(ren) is (are) collected by its (their) mother at the transition place, where she brings it (them) back on the next Wednesday morning; the next Friday, she collects it (them) at the transition place and brings it (them) back there on the next Monday morning. Each Monday of each even calendar week, the child(ren) is (are) collected by its (their) father at the transition place, where he brings it (them) back on the next Wednesday morning; the next Friday, he collects it (them) at the transition place and brings it (them) back there on the next Monday morning.

When the Monday is not a school day, the bringing will be done on the first school day of that week. When the Friday is not the last school day of the week, the collecting will be done on the last school day of that week.“

„... the transition place …“


Every other weekend + each week 2 same days: 3/2/2

According to that children’s subjective time perception ”simple rule” (age’s years = maximal separation’s days), this option with shorter separation periods can well be “digested” and thus really safeguards the best interests of the child when it is 3 years or older (kindergarten). The schooldays are very simply foreseeable for whatever week, without the need of looking in an agenda.

DAY BY DAY, also during the weekends (1/1/1/1/1/1/1)

„Each day their child(ren) will be brought by one parent to its (their) nursery or nurse (name and address), where the other parent will collect it (them) the same day and bring it (them) back the next day.“

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DAY BY DAY, also during the weekends (1/1/1/1/1/1/1)

According to that children’s subjective time perception ”simple rule” (age’s years = maximal separation’s days), this option with even shorter separation periods can well be “digested” and thus really safeguards the best interests of the child when it is 1 year or older.

One of the advantages of this day-by-day-schedule is that the child does not have to pack its necessary things for more than 1 or 2 days: cuddly toy, clothes, school books and utensils, laptop, … Thus it is very convenient for secondary school pupils too.

Every other School Day (3/1/1/1/1/3/1/1/1/1)

„Each school day the child(ren) shall be brought to its (their) school by the parent with hom it (they) spent the night, taken that day from its (their) school by the other parent, who shall bring it (them) to its (their) school the next school day.“

Every other School Day (3/1/1/1/1/3/1/1/1/1)

This schedule is well suited for children from Kindergarten on.

The transitions take place at the school. Thus, it is avoided that the child(ren) has (have) to experience possible parental conflicts (at their doors).

The children have to take less (school) things with them than in the 3/2/2/3/2/2 schedule.


Fixed Parts of each day

“Each day the mother (father) works, the father (mother) will collect their child

at its nurse(ry) (name and address) and take care of it until (s)he brings it

to the mother’s (father’s) home between …:… and …:… o’clock.”


Fixed Parts of each day

Babies need fixed “rituals” in order to recognize and know the world. For this reason, it is necessary, that the “visiting” parent appears into his baby’s life at always the same part of the day, when the same things happen, and does the same activity with him, with the same rituals.

NEST CARENot the children move from one parent to the other, but the parents move in turn into their „child(ren)‘s house“ („nest“) in order to take care there of their child(ren).

The nest care model is possible for all parenting time schedules.

Thus, the children always stay in their familiar surroundings and so

are not stressed by „movings“ or possibly long trips in trains or planes.

Less traveling of the children and of the parents

also saves money and time.

The nest care model is most money saving when the parents can live with new partners, their parent(s) or friends during the periods in which they do not take care of their children in their „nest“.

If not, a small studio would be sufficient. 15.12.2011 Themenabend Stuttgart


NEST CARE (2)

Because the parents don‘t need 2 homes that are large enough to house their children, „nest care“ is financially advantageous.

The children don‘t need own rooms in 2 homes, nor 2 wardrobes, toy boxes, bicycles, computers, etc.!

With a day-by-day-schedule (1/1/1/1/1/1/1), agreements about the fridge content are reduced to a minimum. Each parent can bring the (main) meals for the next 24 hours with him/her.

Agreements about the cleaning and upkeep of the „nest“ are necessary.

BEST PRACTICESUSE OF THE FAMILY HOME

On the basis of the empirical scientific research findings I now know about what best safeguards the children’s best interests, I would recommend the following best practice principles for judgements or/and laws:

1) As long as the parents do not agree on what parent will stay in the home, their child(ren) should stay in their family home (= "nestbirding" = "nest care").

2) As long as the parents do not agree on what parent will stay living with their child(ren) in that family home, each parent should in turn go there to take care of their child(ren).

BEST PRACTICESPARENTING TIME SCHEDULE

3) As long as the parents do not agree on a parenting time schedule, they should each in turn take care of their child(ren) for 1 day. However, as soon as all their children go to school, each parent should take care of them during the whole weekend (from the last school day of the week to the next school day), unless the parents and their child(ren) agree on an other parenting time schedule.

4) As long as the parents and the child do not agree on another transition place, the child should be deposited at and got from its school or day care place.

BEST PRACTICESFAMILY HOME ALLOCATION

5) If the parents agree not to practice "nest care", but do not agree on who will stay living in the family home, the parent who takes care more than the other one of their child(ren) may stay living in the family home, as long as both parents do not agree otherwise. When both parents take care of their child(ren) for the same amount of time, the parent with the lower income may stay in the family home, as long as both parents do not agree otherwise.

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WHAT CAN “EUROPE” DO?Researchers now are strongly stimulated to publish in scientific journals, not in media for the concerned professionals and the general public, who would profit from the scientific evidence to make and/or encourage evidence-based decisions. In case of separation/divorce, evidence-based decisions would be able to diminish the risks of damaging the children’s evolutions (health, serious psychological and social problems, antisocial behavior (delinquency etc.), education, etc.) and the costs thereof for the parents and for the society . The scientific knowledge that is necessary for these evidence-based decisions should be transfered to the concerned professionals, parents and public opinion. This transfer should be stimulated by subventions for the scientists and other people and organisations who publish their results in news papers, in magazines for the concerned professionals and in the internet, and who tell their results and practical conclusions in parents’ and professionals’ conferences and in TV, radio, internet video’s, etc..

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Thank you for your attention!Merci beaucoup pour votre attention!

Vielen Dank für Ihr Interesse!Dank u wel voor uw belangstelling!

Jan Piet H. de ManEuropean Institute for the Best Interests of the Child

Institut Européen pour l‘Intérêt de l‘EnfantEuropäisches Institut für das Kindeswohl

Europees Instituut voor het Belang van het [email protected]

facing the crisis of the family in the name of the children: first comparative survey on children...

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