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Listening...(A wise man)

Some people areextremely famous. They are always in demand. They are known for their EXCEPTIONAL conversational skills. You must have noticed that all the people who are known for their conversational skills, do not speak much. In fact, they merely listen..A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. ~Wilson Mizner.But before I go into the details, I want to ask a question. What is the ultimate purpose of communication? To transfer you message correctly? I think that the ultimate purpose of communication is to persuade the people to do things, which YOU WANT.Right?.But before being able to persuade the people to do what you want,you have to know WHAT THEY WANT.Right?.And how do you think, you WILL know what people want?.THEY WILL tell you and the ONLY thing that is required from your side, is that you have to remain SILENT and LISTEN. EASYisnt it?.There must be some really solid reasons why listening is considered as the most important skill of all the fours..Listening scores highest in manners. It is an ELEGANCE in itself..People love to talk anyone who has good CONVERSATIONAL skills, and in order to project such an image, what you need to do?.Just LISTEN!!!.Understand that you do not need to be articulate or extremely intelligent to be a great communicator..IT IS a universal truth that people who SPEAK LESS, ACCOMPLISH MORE. Most successful people are extremely good listeners. if you want to advance your career and build meaningful relationships listening is the most important skill..Because you want to have a workable knowledge about listening I will answer the following questions..What is listening?How should you listen?What should you listen?Who should listen?When should you listen?Where should you listen?Why should you listen?....Now let us start from the beginning...What is LISTENING?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~..Listening means to pay attention. To make an effort to hear something. There are four very important things which you need to know..1.People do NOT want to be INTERRUPTED..Never interrupt anyone while one is speaking..2.People want to feel IMPORTANT..Do not say anything which diminishes the person's problems. It only suggests that they are making a mountain out of a molehill. They will feel that you are trivializing. It makes them feel bad. Do not offer any suggestion, just listen. Avoid saying, "It's not the end of the world" or "in 5 years you will not even remember this.Pay attention / GIVE undivided attention / stay focused.Nod in acknowledgement. Show that you are listening. An occasional yes, okay, shows that you are LISTENING...3.People want to feel SECURE..Create a conducive environment.Don't interrogate the person. Instead, gently ask questions when it's needed.Remove tension and differences.Make encouraging responses.Think like other person / be empathetic/ Place yourself in the other person's shoes.If I were you, I would have felt the same.We all need acceptance. And if you accept people as they are, you will become a people magnet.People want to be accepted as they are.If you are talking to a woman just listen and do not offer any suggestion unless asked...4.People do not want to be JUDGED..Do not be critical.People want to be comfortable with what they are.You can ask questions, but Ask questions ONLY to clarify and to show interest.Try to understand them, genuinely.It will establish rapport.React to ideas, not the person.Listen for ideas not just words....How should you LISTEN?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~..1.LISTEN before you speak.Always pause for four seconds before you speak..2.Think.Ask yourself if your contribution to the conversation is relevant. If it is not, keep quiet..3.Prepare in advance.Anticipate and prepare answers to frequently asked questions in advance..4.Make eye contacts.Eye contact means looking into the eyes-nose triangle for 60% to 80% of the 10 second time slot. 6 seconds per 10 seconds when talking business. And 8 seconds when talking to your beloved or acquaintances...Avoid~~~~~~~~~~.1.Avoid comparing the person's experiences to your own.Be cautious about acting like your experiences are exactly like the other person's. Avoid saying, "That's exactly like how it was with me...".2.Don't try to help immediatelyDo not offer solution to the person's problem. Focus on absorbing everything the person is saying to you. Only after that can you really try to help. Never give out your "amazing" advice (unless they ask you). People just want to be listened to, not be lectured at..3.Remember what you've been told.One important part of being a good listener is to actually absorb the information the person has told you. you can at least try to remember the situation. seem like you're better acquainted with the situation. It is OKAY if you don't remember all the names or details. Take notes Mentally. Use a pen and a paper to keep track of the important points . Turn off your own internal dialogue....Who should LISTEN?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.Everybody !!!Anyone with the slightest desire to improve ones learning.Anyone who wants to be a good businessman/employer/employee/son/daughter/father/mother/husband/wife/teacher et cetra.Who wants to be recognized as an extremely good CONVERSATIONALIST....When should you LISTEN?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The IDEAL time is as soon as the person who is talking to you indicates that he is about to speak....Where should you LISTEN?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.Everywhere....Why should you LISTEN?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.Just by listening you create an impression that you are interested in them, and almost everyone is INTERESTED in talking to a person who is interested in them..Most of the people just want that someone who should JUST LISTEN to them. Such sort of SOMEONE is everybodys weakness..If you listen ATTENTIVELY, you can concentrate on the CHOICE of WORDS..And if you pay close attention to the choice of words you can1. Know everything about the speaker.2. Know EXACTLY what he wants (or NEEDS).3. Understand what matters most to him.4. What he is going to say next..It is absolutely necessary to listen ATTENTIVELY and EMPATHETICALLY to make the most of the situation if you are conversing with an acquaintance or a (potential) customer..Everyone is 10,000 times more interested in talking about themselves and they are ready to pay (in cash or in kind) to someone who can just listen..However at times you will find people who....1. Do not want to listen (or even hear).2. Do not concentrate.3. Keep on thinking about what to say next?4. Keep on finding faults.5. Seek for every chance to start an argument.6. Will only what they want to hear.7. Have different perception...In all such circumstances,leave the scene OR i0f the person (or people) is your potential customer(s) or boss. Listen patiently..It is utterly IRRITATING to have to talk to someone who does not want to listen..Diligently keep away fromwasting your breath....Let us talk business.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.All the information given is basic..Now let us check it in a commercial environment..If you are a customer, to hell with everything which I have written, the CUSTOMER is ALWAYS RIGHT, but if you are the seller thenkeep these things in your mind..Any customer expects just these 7 things from the seller..1. Know your product/job well.2. Listen to me.3. Understand my problem.4. Focus on my NEEDS.5. Give me the customized solution.6. Deliver (or DO) what you have promised.7. Give me more than I expect...Therefore if you are a seller, you need to......1. Know everything about the product/service you are offering.2. Listen to the customer attentively and empathetically.3. Answers to all the expected question.4. Try to understand what matters most to the customer?5. Give the solution keeping the customers need in mind.6. Ask the customer exactly what he wants.7. Give exactly what customer wants. (Even if he wants his money back.)8. Ask if the customer is SATISFIED with the solution you have given.9. Ensure that the customer is HAPPY...If you are in Customer Service Department of any industry..Keep these acronyms in mind..LAST Listen Apologize Satisfy Thank. (if you are in customer service.)LAST Listen Advise Solve Thank (in you are in collections department)LBT Listen Before Talk.LC Listen Closely.Just keep these ACRONYMS in mind....Some QUOTES~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.Wisdom is the reward for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk. ~Doug Larson.Lenin could listen so intently that he exhausted the speaker. ~Isaiah Berlin.Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. ~Winston Churchill.Do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying. ~Charles C. Finn.The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. ~Peter F. Drucker.If animals could talk, the world would lose its best listeners. ~Robert Brault,.Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. ~Robert Fulghum.If I had it to do again, I'd ask more questions and interrupt fewer answers. ~Robert Brault.The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen. ~Tommy Smothers.The easiest way to meet people is to just look like someone who is willing to listen. ~Robert Brault.No one is listening until you fart. ~Author Unknown.Women like silent men. They think they're listening. ~Marcel Achard, Quote, 4 November 1956.The Arctic expresses the sum of all wisdom: Silence. ~Walter Bauer.I have often lamented that we cannot close our ears with as much ease as we can our eyes. ~Richard Steele.Now all my teachers are dead except silence. ~W.S. Merwin.All noise is waste. So cultivate quietness in your speech, in your thoughts, in your emotions. Speak habitually low. Wait for attention and then you low words will be charged with dynamite. ~Elbert Hubbard.Silence is a fence around wisdom. ~German Proverb.The silent man is the best to listen to. ~Japanese Proverb.Silence is as deep as eternity; speech, shallow as time. ~Thomas Carlyle.You hesitate to stab me with a word, and know not - silence is the sharper sword. ~Samuel Johnson.To silent another, first be silent yourself. ~Latin Proverb.Silence was never written down. ~Italian Proverb.Silence is a text easy to misread. ~A.A. Attanasio.Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose. ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words. ~Elbert Hubbard.There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even your bathtub. ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. ~Josh Billings.Keep watch over your mouth, lest it bring you to grief. ~Ahiqar the Assyrian.Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts. ~Margaret Lee Runbeck.The best answer to anger is silence. ~Author Unknown.The primary virtue is: hold your tongue;who knows how to keep quiet is close to God. ~Cato, translated from Latin.Some days, we just need to turn the quiet up. ~Dr. SunWolf, professorsunwolf.com.Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson.Listening goes beyond attentively waiting for the other person to stop talking..Talk so that people listen..Communication is interpersonal, intrapersonal, and transpersonal..It is virtually impossible to achieve try greatness as a lover, teacher, a salesperson without getting along with people.Today corporations spend billions of dollars to enhance the communication skills of their employees..If a person continually feels inferior around you, he will not have any desire to be near you..Therefore, teachers (or managers or leaders) listen to your subordinates with empathy. It will give them the psychological air. It gives a therapeutic and healing effect. ~ puneet biseria..Most of the teachers are filled with their own tightness, their own autobiography. Most of them usuallyignorethe students, a still greater percentage is veryseletivewhile listening to the students, their problems or concerns. However, it is not impossible to find good teachers who listen actively. And you need to hire a detective to find the teachers who listen empathically. ~ puneet biseria.Whenever you areReading/Listening, you are doing it1. To understand the feelings of the writer/speaker.2. To be entertained or stimulated emotionally3. To acquire information.4. To understand the point of view of the writer/speaker.5. To review or refine your understanding.6. To appreciate what isWritten/Spoken..KEY WORDS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~extensive listening listening for pleasure, to not set taskintensive listening listening with concentration for specific information needed for a taskauthentic listening recordings of natural conversationsrecorded listening recordings of rehearsed, semi- scripted or scripted speechlive listening- speech which is spontaneous/semi-scripted and often read out by the teacher herselfpre-listening- the stage when the listening task is introducedwhile-listening- the Listening for perception listening for sounds or intonation patternspost-listening the supposed things which are to be done after listening.perceptive listening - listening for sounds and intonation patterns.comprehensive listening - listening for understanding the messageListening Input- the audio which is used teaching purpose.Listening stimulus- the subject of the audio which is used to stimulate the thinking of learners.References :-~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.Raterop. B.J and Revell R. 1987Telephoning in English. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.Morgan J. and M Rinvolucri 1983Once Upon A Time. Cambridge ; Cambridge University Press.Maley A and A. Duff. 1978Variations on a Theme. Cambridge : Cambridge University Press.Davis P. and M. Rinvolucri. 1988.Dictation. Cambridge University Press.Rixon, S. 1986Developing Listening Skills. Essential Language Teaching Series. MacmillanUr, P. 1984.Teaching Listening Comprehension. Cambridge : Cambridge University Press.Anderson, A and Lynch, T 1988.ListeningOxford: Oxford University Press.Maley, A and Duff. A. 1983,Beyond Words. Cambridge: Cambridge University PressMortimer. C, 1988,Dramatic Monologues for Listening Comprehension. Cambridge: Cambridge University PressUr P. 1984.Teaching Listening ComprehensionCambridge: Cambridge University Press.Scarbrough D. 1984.Reasons for ListeningCambridge: Cambridge University Press.Rost, M. 1990.Listening in Language Learning. Longman : LongmanMaley A and A. Duff. 1978Drama Techniques in Language Learning. Cambridge : Cambridge University Press.Ur, P. 1984.Teaching Listening Comprehension. Cambridge : Cambridge University Press..End of Session