Enduring Conflict:what can be achieved and how

Phillip Hart

‘Ok, small rant, I was soooo blessed with 2 lots of in-laws. One of them always made me

feel part of the family, the others, far out, they just go out of there way to stir the pot.

Well bring it on is all I've got to say. They have gone to far this time’

Intensity of conflict

Time

Types of conflict

Enduring Conflict

Transient Conflict

‘I have done all I can do

We have been down this road before.

It is well known by us all that the problem is [her] and

I have come to the realisation that she is incapable of change,

thrives on conflict, is a very envious and malicious person

who gets satisfaction from making people's lives unhappy.’

Help people find ways to engage constructively

Build their… By helping them…

Awareness and understanding:- Engage cortex, disengage limbic system

Willingness to engage:- Remain in connection with each other- Confidence in us

Capacity and skills

Belief in the possibility of ‘improvement’

Trust

Recognise what they are facing

Develop effective channels of communication, improve dialogue between opposing sides, find arenas

Express values that are important to participants

Use influence/power wisely

Work on partial agreements

Set and review baselines, measure the changes, see the incremental progress

Build trust or find ways of interacting in the absence of trust.

Case Study: 12 elected representatives

Process

1. Intake Interviewed all separately

2. Conflict Workshop 3 hour - all participants

3. Monitoring I attended their next meeting,measured their performance of thebehaviour they had chosen to improve

Case Study: 12 elected representatives

Principles

1. Future-focussed; know and respect the history, and not be trapped by it

2. A different sort of conversation

• Structure (interest-based approach)

• How we raise issues with others ('I language')

3. There are long-standing problems: how can we engage more effectively with them?

Case Study: 12 elected representatives

Indicators and baselines

• What would you need to see, to know that things had improved? (eg fewer outbursts, complaints…)

• How could you notice how those things are going, over time?

• Note to self: make sure any indicators are SMART(Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-based)

Your own example of an Enduring Conflict

In your own example, how could you/did you help participants…

1. Recognise what they are facing

2. Develop effective channels of communication, improve dialogue between opposing sides, find arenas

3. Express values that are important to them

4. Use influence/power wisely

5. Work on partial agreements

6. Set and review baselines, measure the changes, see the incremental progress

7. Build trust, find how to interact in the absence of trust.

Further reading

• Bernie Mayer, Staying with Conflict