elc1411 unit 4

Unit 4 - Achieving an academic writing style

Unit 4 Achieving an academic writing style

Learning Outcomes

By the end of this unit, you should be able to:

use appropriate vocabulary and accurate grammar to demonstrate academic style and tone in writing

express your ideas and views in cautious rather than assertive language where appropriate

revise your academic essays effectively

Introduction

In Units 2 and 3 you learned how to use and organise material from your sources in extended academic texts such as literature reviews, essays and reports. When you write a coursework assignment or answer an examination question, you cannot simply consider the content and organisation of your writing, you will also need to pay close attention to the style and accuracy of the language in which it is expressed. This unit is designed to help you with these two important aspects of academic writing.

This unit is divided into four sections. The first three sections provide reference and practice material on various aspects of academic writing style. The final section focuses on editing and proofreading academic texts. This unit serves to enhance your understanding of the style and format required of the kind of text that you will encounter, such as expository essays for answering group project questions and solving problems.

iWork Before you start this unit: Go to the Ancient Egyptian Mummies forum at http://elearn.elc.polyu.edu.hk/ and follow the instructions

Section 1 The features of academic writing style

This section introduces you to some of the key lexical (i.e. vocabulary) and grammatical features of academic writing style.

Activity 1

If you were asked to describe the characteristics of academic writing style, words such as formal, complex and objective would probably spring to mind. Your reading at the PolyU has already given you a general idea about the nature of academic writing style, but how exactly do writers achieve such a style? We can answer this question by examining academic writers’ choice of vocabulary and grammar.

Work in pairs. Discuss and note down some of the main features of the vocabulary and grammar that appear in the books and articles that you read in your department’s subjects. Be prepared to share your ideas with the rest of the class.

1

http://elearn.elc.polyu.edu.hk/


Activity 2

This activity gives you the chance to apply the ideas about academic writing style that you discussed in Activity 1.

SituationFor a course that you have been doing at university, you have been researching whether the consumption of organic produce can affect the health of a population. You are also interested in whether a subject’s positive opinion of their well being* has an effect on their general level of health. The area that you are investigating for an assignment is whether Hong Kong subjects also feel better about themselves after consuming organic produce.

In Table 1 below, the results of two surveys are presented. First, a large scale survey was conducted by Wallace and Welbeck (2009) among 4619 students in the UK about consumption of organic produce and self health ratings. Then, the questions were adapted by your group to survey 89 students in the PolyU.

In the survey, subjects were asked to say whether they felt the following illnesses would increase or decrease on a scale from 0 (increase a great deal) to 3 (no effect) to 6 (decrease a great deal) after the consumption of organic produce.

In pairs, discuss the data in Table 1. How would you explain the findings? When you have completed your discussion, write a short text of 3 or 4 paragraphs in which you describe and discuss the data.

Table 1: Reduction and increase of illnesses after consumption of organic produce

Features UK Students PolyU studentsHeadaches 4.9 5.5Colds 3.1 4.1Coughs 2.2 5.4Aches and pains 4.5 3.2Skin complaints 3.4 4.5

Source: Figures for UK students from Wallace and Welbeck (2009)

* Note: “well being” describes the state of feeling healthy and happy.

‘XuanXuan 13’ reproduced with kind permission of Li Wei

2


Activity 3

We will now look more closely at the features of academic writing style. The passage below is taken from the first part of an early draft of an expository essay, in which the writer discusses data collection and some of the figures, about the perceived problem of PolyU students’ lack of use of English outside the classroom. When you read the passage, you will quickly discover that its style and tone are inappropriate.

Your task is to examine how the author’s choice of vocabulary and grammar contributes to the inappropriate style and tone of the passage.

As you read the passage, underline and correct the problems with style and tone. In pairs, try to classify the problems under the headings vocabulary and grammar. Note down your ideas at the end of the passage. Be prepared to share your observations with the rest of the class.

Note: Style often refers to level of formality. For example when writing to a friend you would use an informal style. Tone often refers to level of politeness which is used.

1. How often do PolyU students use English outside the classroom? As many

2. people think PolyU students don’t use English much outside of class, I wanted

3. to find out the answer to this question so I decided to do a survey. I worked out

4. a questionnaire and then handed it out to lots of students from eight

5. departments. The students filled in the questionnaire and then gave it back to

6. me. I did the survey in September 2009. A total of 707 students took part in

7. the survey, which is a really huge sample. In fact, this is the biggest survey of

8. its kind ever done in Hong Kong! When I got the questionnaires back, I looked

9. closely at the data and put it into a number of figures.

3

2.72

2.55

2.45

2.4

2.12

2.11

1.99

1.95

1.95

1.69

1.32

1.05

0 0.5 1 1.5 2 2.5 3

Overseas holidays

Non- PolyU friends

Relatives

Part-time jobs

PolyU friends

Restaurants / bars

Private tutors

Brothers / sisters

Social functions

Domestic helper

Parents

Grandparents

Situations

Mean

Figure 1: Speaking in English outside university


10. The first area I’d like to look at is speaking in English. Basically, what I

11. wanted to know was how often students speak English outside the classroom.

12. The questionnaire asked the students to say how often they use English when

13. they talk to friends, parents, etc. When they filled in the questionnaire, the

14. students had to circle a number from 1 (never) to 6 (very often). If they circled

15. the numbers 1-3, it means that they don’t use English very much. If they

16. circled the numbers 4-6, it means that they use English fairly often. As you

17. can see, I’ve put all the data about speaking in English in Figure 1.

18. Let’s now talk about the data in Figure 1. First and foremost, it’s crystal clear

19. that students don’t have many opportunities to speak English outside the

20. classroom. You can tell this because all the means are under 3.00. Clearly,

21. PolyU students don’t have any need to speak to parents, etc. in English. This

22. is undoubtedly because their family members are Cantonese speakers.

23. Obviously, there’s no point in speaking English when everyone can speak

24. Cantonese. As you can see, PolyU students never speak to their

25. grandparents in English. This is not surprising because, as we all know, old

26. people in Hong Kong can’t speak English. That’s because the education

27. system wasn’t very good in the past. You can see, though, that there are a

28. few situations (overseas holidays and so on) where students do get a golden

29. opportunity to use their English, even though this is not really very often. In a

30. nutshell, then, the data in Figure 1 prove that PolyU students don’t speak

31. English much outside the classroom.

Note down five to six problems with style and tone under each heading.

Vocabulary Grammar

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

4


Section 2Improving the style and tone of your writing

This section offers you practical advice on how to improve the style and tone of your writing. This advice is organised under two headings: vocabulary and grammar.

Using appropriate vocabulary

Formal verbs

Use formal (single-word) verbs such as examine rather than phrasal or prepositional verbs such as look at.

This report looks at [examines] the problem of juvenile delinquency. Hong Kong has got over [recovered] from the latest recession.PolyU linked companies have not taken off [been successful] in recent years.

Colloquial expressions

Avoid informal or colloquial expressions such as a lot of in your written assignments.

a lot of research a great deal of / a considerable amount of lots of studies numerous / a large number of / myriad / plethora a really interesting study very / extremely / particularly a bit disappointing somewhat / rather / fairly it is a must essential / necessary / crucial

Clichés

Clichés are expressions that have become worn out by overuse. The expressions below are dull and unoriginal. Avoid using them in your written work.

hot topic heated debate last but not leastbeyond a shadow of a doubt all in all in a nutshellfirst and foremost crystal clear golden opportunityevery coin has two sides pull the plug push the boat out

Idioms

Idioms are common in informal written and spoken English. They are much less common in academic writing, particularly in science and engineering subjects. Since idioms are a feature of informal communication, you should avoid using them in your written assignments. In a seminar discussion, the idiom old hat would be acceptable; in a term paper, it would be better to use out of date.

The information in Jackson’s book is old hat [out of date].

Precise words

Avoid simple everyday words such as good, bad, big, small, nice, get and thing in your academic writing. Use precise formal words instead (like those in brackets).

Pollution has been a big [major] problem in Hong Kong in the past thirty years.The facilities in the lecture theatre are bad [inadequate].Bonny got [obtained] her degree from the Hong Kong Polytechnic University.

Negative words

5


You should also avoid direct, negative words such as lies, cheat, cheap, useless and worst. Try to use cautious, indirect language when expressing negative ideas.

Without a doubt, the worst aspect of Dr Wong’s teaching is a lack of feedback. Giving feedback is perhaps the least successful aspect of Dr Wong’s teaching.

Synonyms

If you repeat the same words and phrases in your written assignments, it will make your work appear monotonous and unsophisticated. To make your writing more interesting, you should use appropriate synonyms. Here are some more examples:

findings results appear seeminquiry investigation argue contend

iWork For extra practice on using academic vocabulary, go to http://elearn.elc.polyu.edu.hk/ and click on English for University Studies and then Unit 4.

iWork For extra practice on formal and informal words, look at English Vocabulary in Use (Upper Intermediate and Advanced) 1996 Unit 7, available in CILL. This book (different edition) is also in the Pao Yue Kong Library.

Activity 4

Fill in the blanks with the following formal verbs. Make sure that you put the verbs in the correct form.

discover fluctuate devise investigate reduceconduct establish increase assist discuss

1. The research team (came up with) _____________________ an imaginative solution to the problem.

2. In this essay, I will (talk about) _____________________ the issue of genetic engineering.

3. The study was (carried out) _____________________ between May and July 2010.

4. A research associate was appointed to (help out) __________________ with the analysis of the data.

5. Researchers (found out) __________________that the chiller was the source of the problem.

6. This study (looks into) __________________the problems which immigrant children experience in their first year at secondary school.

7. Government figures indicate that food prices (went up) __________________ by 3% in January.

8. The working party was (set up) __________________ to review the teaching of English.

9. The stock market (went up and down) __________________quite sharply last month.

10. The government intends to (cut down) __________________expenditure on tertiary education in the coming decade.

6



Using appropriate grammar and language style

Contractions

Avoid using contractions such as it’s and they’re in academic writing.

won’t will not don’t do not I’ve I have

It’s [It is] widely acknowledged that English plays an important role in Hong Kong’s business sector.

Addressing the reader as ‘you’

Avoid addressing the reader as ‘you’ in your written assignments.

You can see the findings in Table 1. The findings are presented in Table 1.

Personal pronouns

In many fields of study (e.g. science and engineering subjects), academic writers avoid using the personal pronoun I because it makes their work seem too subjective. One way of avoiding the first person is to use the passive voice.

I conducted the experiment on 23 October 2006. The experiment was conducted on 23 October 2006.

Another technique is to make the text (e.g. report) or part of the text (e.g. section) the subject of the sentence.

In this report / section I will examine the problem of drug abuse in Hong Kong. This report / section examines the problem of drug abuse in Hong Kong.

Questions

Avoid using questions as they can make your writing appear unsophisticated.

In my report, I will answer the following question: What are the causes of stress? This report examines the causes of stress. Whether exams cause stress is examined in this report.

‘Run-on’ expressions

Limit the use of ‘run-on’ expressions such as etc. and and so on because these are seldom used in academic writing. Use the term such as instead. This informs the reader that not all the examples are given.

Professionals often need to write reports, memos, etc. at work. Professionals often need to write documents such as reports and memos at work.

Negative forms

Avoid informal negative forms such as not much and not many. Use the formal negative forms little and few.

Not much [Little] research has been conducted into job stress in universities.Not many [Few] studies have investigated Hong Kong society in the 19th century.

Activity 5

7


In pairs, improve the style of the sentences below.

1. The problem of air pollution has become more and more serious in recent years.

2. In the past decade, a lot of research has been conducted into indoor air quality.

3. The results indicate that the quality of service in some Hong Kong restaurants is bad.

4. Hong Kong companies value employees who possess good communication skills.

5. Language policy in secondary schools has been a hot topic for many years.

6. It’s generally accepted that students learn more effectively when they are taught in their mother tongue.

7. The students didn’t encounter many problems finding relevant data for their project.

8. Ensuring a substantial sample of subjects for a questionnaire survey is a must.

9. Researchers got their data by conducting telephone interviews.

10. Cheung’s (2009) interpretation of the data is totally wrong.

iWork For extra practice on using relative clauses, go to http://elearn.elc.polyu.edu.hk/ and click on English for University Studies and then Unit 4.

iWork For more information on relative clauses, look at English Grammar in Use (Intermediate) 2005 Units 92-97, available in CILL. This book (different edition) is also in the Pao Yue Kong Library.

‘Boxing’ reproduced with kind permission of Li Wei

8



Activity 6

The following passage is taken from the final draft of the expository essay about the perceived problem of PolyU students’ lack of English usage outside the classroom. When you read the passage, you will quickly discover that it is more appropriately written than the draft you analysed in Activity 3. Discuss with a partner the ways this passage is more appropriate than the earlier version.

Students’ use of English outside university

(A) This essay investigates the perceived problem of Hong Kong students’ lack of English usage outside university. The data reported below were derived from a questionnaire survey of a substantial sample of first-year undergraduates from eight departments at the Hong Kong Polytechnic University.

(B) The survey was conducted between 12 and 23 September 2009. The subjects completed the questionnaire during their English for University Studies classes under the supervision of a research assistant. A total of 1,283 questionnaires were distributed and 707 correctly completed copies were returned and subsequently analysed. The questionnaire required the respondents to indicate the frequency with which they speak, listen, read and write in English outside the formal setting of the English-medium classroom.

(C) The first section of the questionnaire asked the subjects to indicate on a six-point scale how often they speak in English in a range of non-academic situations. On the evidence of the findings presented in Figure 1, it would appear that tertiary students in Hong Kong generally have little need to speak in English outside the classroom.

(D) The evidence suggests that undergraduates rarely communicate with their parents or grandparents in English. This finding is perhaps not surprising as census data indicate that the overwhelming majority of people in Hong Kong speak Cantonese (Cheung et al., 2003). In the intimate family domain, young people understandably have little need or desire to speak English, apart from special circumstances such as preparing for English language examinations.

(E) The results indicate that the situation in which tertiary students use English least is in interactions with their grandparents. When interpreting this finding, it is worth noting that recent surveys have revealed that English is less widely known among Hong Kong people in their sixties and seventies than those in the 40-60 and 20-40 age groups (Chan, 2004). This largely stems from the fact that the provision of English-medium secondary education was limited in the 1940s and 1950s (Li, 2000). The majority of citizens in the 60-70 age group are likely to have received only a Chinese-medium primary education (So, 1992).

(F) While the data in Figure 1 suggest that tertiary students tend not to speak English very frequently outside class, there are apparently several situations where spoken English has some degree of importance in the subjects’ lives. As might be expected, the situation where the subjects need to speak the language most is on overseas holidays. As Cantonese is not widely spoken outside China, it is perhaps understandable that students need to communicate in English on trips to Europe, North America and other parts of Asia.

(G) As noted above, students rarely talk to their immediate family members in English. However, it is interesting that some of the subjects apparently have some need to communicate with their relatives in English. One possible factor behind the use of English in this situation is that their relatives live in an English-speaking country. In the case of younger relatives (e.g. cousins), it is possible that they have no knowledge of Cantonese, while older relatives (e.g. uncles, aunts) may feel more comfortable using their adopted language.

9


Activity 7

As you were reading the passage in Activity 6, you probably noted that the writer uses many of the strategies presented in the section on style and tone in academic writing. This activity gives you the chance to review some of these strategies.

Answer the following questions.

1. Skim through the passage and find formal verbs with similar meanings to the following. The paragraph is given in brackets to help you.

filled in (B) looks into (A)

handed out (B) found out (E)

2. Find words in the passage which have similar meanings to the following basic words:

done (B) big (A)

later (B) got (A)

3. The writer often needs to refer to the people who completed the survey (i.e. PolyU students) and the findings of the survey. To avoid repeating the words students and findings, the writer uses a number of synonyms. List the synonyms used.

students: ____________________________________________________________

findings: _____________________________________________________________

4. How does the writer avoid using informal negative forms? Underline one example in the passage in Paragraph D.

5. The draft that you read in Activity 3 included the following sentences:

This is not surprising because, as we all know, old people in Hong Kong can’t speak English.

That’s because the education system wasn’t very good in the past.

You have probably already discussed why the sentences are inappropriate.How does the writer revise this part of the report?

‘Li Wei falls to Hong Kong’ reproduced with kind permission of Li Wei

10


Section 3Hedging in academic writing

When you analysed the style and tone of the extract in Activity 3, you probably noted that one of the main problems is the writer’s use of assertive language in discussing the data. Examples of the writer’s use of assertive language are highlighted below.

Let’s now talk about the data in Figure 1. First and foremost, it’s crystal clear that students don’t have many opportunities to speak English outside the classroom. You can tell this because all the means are under 3.00. Clearly, PolyU students don’t have any need to speak to parents, etc. in English. This is undoubtedly because their family members are Cantonese speakers. Obviously, there’s no point in speaking English when everyone can speak Cantonese. As you can see, PolyU students never speak to their grandparents in English. This is not surprising because, as we all know, old people in Hong Kong can’t speak English. That’s because the education system wasn’t very good in the past. You can see, though, that there are a few situations (overseas holidays and so on) where students do get a golden opportunity to use their English, even though this is not really very often. In a nutshell, then, the data in Figure 1 prove that PolyU students don’t speak English much outside the classroom.

Although assertive language is appropriate in some situations (e.g. advertisements, debate speeches, sales presentations), it is generally avoided in academic writing. If you express opinions or make claims in strongly positive language, it will leave you open to attack by critical readers. For example, compare the following sentences:

1. The Hong Kong economy will grow next year.2. The Hong Kong economy might grow next year.3. Some economists believe the Hong Kong economy will grow next year.

In sentence 1, the writer is leaving themselves open to criticism if the Hong Kong economy does not grow next year. In sentence two the writer is hedging by using the modal verb ‘might’. In sentence three, the doubt is being transferred to a third party. This means your own authority in the subject matter or the readers' confidence in you is not reduced.

However, good writing states ideas with confidence. If you are confident of your opinion, you should clearly state it. When you demonstrate confidence in what you write, readers will have confidence in you. The writing will be more active, more engaging, and more likely to provoke the response you desire from your readers.

This does not mean that expressing your ideas in cautious language is poor writing style. In the academic world, it is common to use cautious or tentative language when discussing ideas or data. This is known as hedging. This section introduces you to some of the key hedging techniques used in academic writing.

iWork For more information on using may and might, look at English Grammar in Use (Intermediate) 2005 Units 29 and 30, available in CILL. This book (different edition) is also in the Pao Yue Kong Library.

11


Hedging Techniques

When you discuss ideas or data in your written assignments, you should use cautious rather than assertive language if you are not completely certain of the reasons. This means that you should avoid expressions such as:

clearly obviously without a doubt certainlyundoubtedly definitely there is no doubt that absolutely

Compare:

The experiment clearly demonstrates that water boils at 100 C. The experiment might demonstrate that water boils at 100 C.

You should be careful about using words like always, never, every and all because this suggests absolute certainty which can be inappropriate in assignments.

When you analysed the passage about English use outside the classroom (in Activity 6 of this unit), you noted that the writer used a number of hedging techniques. These are summarised below. Each technique is illustrated by an extract from the passage in Activity 6.

1. Hedging verbs

The following ‘hedging’ verbs are often used in academic writing:

suggest indicate estimate assume imply

The results indicate that the situation in which tertiary students use English least is in interactions with their grandparents.

The verbs appear and seem are used when a writer wishes to ‘distance’ himself / herself from the findings (and therefore avoid making a strong claim).

On the evidence of the findings presented in Figure 1, it would appear that tertiary students in Hong Kong generally have little need to speak in English outside the classroom.

Note that the writer also ‘protects’ himself / herself by using the phrase on the evidence of. These expressions are used in a similar way: according to, on the basis of, based on.2. Modal verbs

Another way of appearing ‘confidently uncertain’ is to use modal verbs such as may, might, could and can.

In the case of younger relatives (e.g. cousins), it is possible that they have no knowledge of Cantonese, while older relatives (e.g. uncles, aunts) may feel more comfortable using their adopted language.

3. Adverbs

The following adverbs are often used when a writer wishes to express caution.

probably possibly perhaps maybeapparently seemingly presumably conceivably

This finding is perhaps not surprising as census data indicate that the overwhelming majority of people in Hong Kong speak Cantonese (Cheung et al., 2003).

12


4. Adjectives

Another technique is to use an adjective.

probable possible uncertain unlikely

One possible factor behind the use of English in this situation is that their relatives live in an English-speaking country.

5. Nouns

The following nouns are often used in academic writing:

probability possibility evidence likelihood claim assumption

The evidence suggests that undergraduates rarely communicate with their parents or grandparents in English.

6. Generalisation

There are several ways in which you can qualify a generalisation.

(i) You can use the verb tend or the noun (have / be a) tendency (to).

While the data in Figure 1 suggest that tertiary students tend not to speak English very frequently outside class, there are apparently several situations where spoken English has some degree of importance in the subjects’ lives.

(ii) You can use an adverb such as:

generally largely primarily for the most partpredominantly mainly usually to a great extent

This largely stems from the fact that the provision of English-medium secondary education was limited in the 1940s and 1950s (Li, 2000).

(iii) You can use a qualifying expression such as most or the majority of.

The majority of citizens in the 60-70 age group are likely to have received only a Chinese-medium primary education (So, 1992).

(iv) You can identify exceptions by using expressions such as apart from, except for or with the exception of.

In the intimate family domain, young people understandably have little need or desire to speak English, apart from special circumstances such as preparing for English language examinations.

iWork For extra practice on using modals, go to http://elearn.elc.polyu.edu.hk/ and click on English for University Studies and then Unit 4.

iWork For extra practice on the differences between spoken and written English together with a listening exercise, go to http://elearn.elc.polyu.edu.hk/ and click on English for University Studies and then Unit 4.Activity 8

13




This activity gives you an opportunity to practice the techniques that you have learned in Section 3.

In 2010, the English Language Centre of the Hong Kong Polytechnic University surveyed 978 Form 7 school leavers about their preferences when studying higher education. A brief summary of some of the results is presented below.

Table 1: First Choice of University

Hong Kong University 21%

The Chinese University of Hong Kong 17%

Hong Kong University of Science and Technology 15%

The Hong Kong Polytechnic University 14%

City University of Hong Kong 11%

Hong Kong Baptist University 11%

The Open University of Hong Kong 8%

Lingnam University 7%

Hong Kong Shue Yan University 4%

‘A pause for humanity 3’ reproduced with kind permission of Li Wei

Read what the writer said about the reason why HKU and CU were the most favoured. Note the phrases underlined.

The survey results indicate that the preferred universities were HKU and CU. A probable reason for this is their long history, and the preference of employers for employees who graduate from these institutions.

In the space below, give possible reasons for the ranking of the other universities. Use language from the techniques you learned in Section 3.

The school leavers were asked a similar question regarding their first choice of course when applying for University. Examine Table 2 below giving the results, and then provide possible

14


explanations in the box below.

Table 2: First choice of course when applying for University

Engineering 15%

Law 4%

Nursing and Health Sciences 8%

Design 12%

Business 20%

Computing 15%

Textiles 4%

Construction 7%

Logistics 16%

Others 5%

15


Section 4 Revising written assignments

This section helps you to develop the ability to revise your written assignments. The revision process is divided into two parts: proofreading and editing.

ProofreadingEverybody makes mistakes when trying to express difficult ideas and concepts in a foreign language. Making mistakes is an essential part of the language learning process. All students make mistakes when they are using new vocabulary or unfamiliar grammatical structures. However, what you must ensure is that you minimise the number of errors you make and that you do not make mistakes that could be avoided. Such mistakes are sometimes called slips because they are oversights or the result of a lack of attention to detail rather than a lack of knowledge. The process of thoroughly checking your writing to eliminate all avoidable errors is known as proofreading.

Grammar and spell checks

To improve their grammar and spelling, many students run proofreading software on their personal computers. However, this is not perfectly reliable because the computer may not know the exact word you wish to use in a particular context. Make sure you are consistent with your use of either British or American spelling. It is poor style to switch between the two.

Activity 9Look at the following pairs of words. Underline the British English spelling.

a) traveled / travelled f) to practise / to practiceb) theatre / theater g) sceptical / skepticalc) check / cheque h) program / programmed) analogue / analog i) centre / centere) defence / defense j) fulfill / fulfil

iWork For more information on American English, look at English Vocabulary in Use (Upper Intermediate and Advanced) 1996 Unit 93, available in CILL. This book (different edition) is also in the Pao Yue Kong Library.

Activity 10The computer spell checker does not see any errors in the poem. Can you find them?

Ode to My Spell Checker (anonymous)

Eye halve a spelling checker

It came with my pea sea.

It plainly marks four my revue miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a quay and type a word and weight for it to say

Weather eye yam wrong oar write.

It shows me strait a weigh as soon as a mist ache is maid.

It nose bee fore two long and eye can put the error rite.

Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it,

I am shore your pleased to no.

Its letter perfect awl the way.

My checker told me sew.

16


Editing

The aim of the editing process is to check that your writing is clear, logical and reader-friendly. It is commonly concerned with how one part of a sentence links with another, how sentences link with each other and how longer pieces of writing relate to each other. Sentences which link together well are said to be cohesive. If you are able to arrange your clauses and sentences in a clear and logical way, you will find that the ideas and concepts you are trying to express will ‘hang together’ more effectively and your writing will be more coherent. Once you have written your assignment and checked it for style and tone, you should check to see if you have made any errors in the following areas:

Sentence fragments

Sentence fragments occur when dependent clauses are treated as complete sentences. An independent clause is a group of words that contains a subject and a verb and expresses a complete thought. It can stand alone as a complete sentence. For example:

The government has introduced many measures to deal with inflation.

A dependent clause is a group of words that contains a subject and verb but does not express a complete thought. A dependent clause cannot be a sentence. For example:

Although the government has introduced many measures to deal with inflation.

The addition of the dependent clause marker although means that something else is required to complete the sentence. For example:

Although the government has introduced many measures to deal with inflation, they have not been very effective.

Therefore, it is incorrect to write something like this:

Although the government has introduced many measures to deal with inflation. They have not been very effective.

Other dependent clause markers include: after, when, unless, before, if, as, whether, in order to and while. When you use a dependent clause marker, make sure that it is combined with another clause to make a complete sentence. For example:

When David studied for the final examination, it was very noisy.

Run-on sentences

A run-on sentence is when one sentence follows another without punctuation. For example:

The seminar was a success all the participants enjoyed it very much.

The easiest way to correct a run-on sentence is to insert a full stop between the two sentences.

The seminar was a success. All the participants enjoyed it very much.

17


Comma splices

A comma splice is when two complete sentences are connected with a comma rather than a full stop. For example:

The seminar was a success, all the participants enjoyed it very much.

The best way to avoid comma splices is to insert a full stop between the two sentences.

The seminar was a success. All the participants enjoyed it very much.

Double conjunctions

In English (unlike in Cantonese sometimes) only one conjunction is needed to join two clauses within a sentence. Only one conjunction is needed in the following sentences.

Although I have lived in Hong Kong for ten years but I have not been up the Peak.

Because I like Japanese food so I went to Japan on holiday.

Punctuation

The semicolon is a useful item of punctuation which can improve your academic writing style. You can use the semicolon in place of the full stop to emphasise that one sentence is very closely related to the next sentence; often you do this when the second sentence begins with a transitional word such as therefore, however, consequently, for instance, or for example.

Martin has some difficulties during the first semester and did not complete his course work; therefore he was unable to move on to the next year.

You can also use a semicolon instead of a full stop if you want your reader to notice the relationship between the two sentences; in other words for emphasis.

The President promised reform; a few days later he forgot everything.

Other Errors

Activity 11

iWork While some errors are fairly common among student writing, other errors are more individual. Look at some past writing work you have done for which you have received feedback from a teacher, or visit WAP in CILL (A305) with some of your writing, and try to identify some of the errors that you frequently make. Write them down in the space below.

‘LeiWei falls to the Earth’ reproduced with kind permission of Li Wei

18


Activity 12

In pairs, identify and correct the problem with each sentence.

1. Worried by rising prices and alarmed by the decline in business activity.

2. The next chapter has a great deal of important information in it you should start studying it right away.

3. Most of the computers in the self-access centre are broken already, this is a good example of the lack of care among the students.

4. Even though he was the most popular member of the government.

5. Since we were in Tsim Sha Tsui, so we visited Ocean Terminal.

6. This computer does not make sense to me it came without a manual.

7. Mr. Wong is the head of the finance department, he is also on the board of directors.

8. Although he has scored more than 200 goals in his career and played for his country over 70 times.

9. Judy lives a charmed life she never seems to have a serious accident.

10. Although I went to the conference, but I did not stay long.

iWork For extra practice on error correction, go to http://elearn.elc.polyu.edu.hk/ and click on English for University Studies and then Unit 4.

iWork For extra practice on common grammar mistakes, for the errors you noted in Activity 11 find the appropriate units in English Grammar in Use (Intermediate) 2005, available in CILL, and do the exercises. This book (different edition) is also in the Pao Yue Kong Library.

Activity 13

Look at the text you wrote for Activity 2. Revise and improve the content based on what you have learned in this unit about academic vocabulary and grammar, hedging techniques and common errors.

iWork Reflections on this unit. Go to your learning journal at http://elearn.elc.polyu.edu.hk/ Make a note of things you have learned in the unit.

19

