elaboration of the evidence
TRANSCRIPT
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District Writing Assessment FocusElaboration of the Evidence
“Our Weak Point, Our Achilles Heel”
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The StandardEffective use of a variety of
elaborative techniques• Effective use of a variety of elaborative
techniques
• Use of evidence from sources is smoothly integrated, comprehensive, relevant and concrete
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Student Writing
The last evidence for why I don’t think people should travel to Mars is because of cosmic rays. The cosmic radiation from the cosmic rays turns your cells into cancer cells, which gives you cancer.
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The last evidence for why I don’t think people should travel to Mars is because of cosmic rays. The cosmic radiation from the cosmic rays turns your cells into cancer cells, which gives you cancer.
Cancer is a disease that can kill you. Generally people will avoid places that have dangers that can cause certain death.
Therefore, cosmic rays are definitely a good reason to not travel to Mars.
Elaborating
Linking it back to the claim
Cancer is a disease that can
certain death.
kill you. Generally peoplewill avoid places that have dangers that can cause
Therefore, cosmic rays are definitely a good reason to not travel to Mars.