EffectiveWorkplace

Communications

Welcome

Presented by Ray Rusin

Based in Kansas City ______________________ Ph.D. in psychology

Author:Managing Differences: How to Build Better Relationships at Work and Home

Conflict Resolution: Mediation Tools for Everyday Worklife, McGraw-Hill

Creator:Manager-as-Mediator Seminar

AndSelf-as Mediator Seminar

Daniel Dana, Ph.D.President DMI, Inc.

Welcome to

Self Mediation:*

A core workplace competency

*The Self-as-Mediator Seminar ™

Foundation Ideas

• Good mediation techniques can be used by non-professional mediators.

• Mediation does not always require a third party.

• Mediation does not require an “event”.

• Individuals, like organizations, can and should strategically manage conflict.

Goals

• Learn a new way of seeing conflict so that differences can be managed “on line” to prevent conflict

• Think strategically about conflict

Immediate Long term

• Discuss a core competency for resolving conflicts “off line” . . . Self Mediation

• Not miss the men’s semi-final freestyle fantail diving competition!

Let’s get acquainted

• What’s your name?

• Where are you from?

• What’s your job?

May be unnecessary if pre-acquainted}

• How do you know when there is a “conflict or communication” problem?

– What did you hear – see – become aware of?

– What were its outcomes (positive and/or negative), if known?

avoiding threatening facial expressions withholding information pre-empting agitation body posture not returning messages

raised voices getting the boss to take sides getting co-workers to take sides shouting hostile gestures “silent treatment” no eye contact etc.

Discovering Our “Wrong Reflexes”

What behaviors show that conflict is present?

• avoiding

• withdrawing

• withholding information

• not returning messages

• silent treatment

• etc.

• threatening

• pre-empting

• getting others to take sides

• shouting

• hostile gestures

• etc.

• facial expressions

• agitation

• body posture

• fidgeting

• perspiring

• etc.

? ? ?

Discovering Our “Wrong Reflexes”

Intentional behaviors Unintentional

• avoiding

• withdrawing

• withholding information

• not returning messages

• silent treatment

• etc.

• threatening

• pre-empting

• getting others to take sides

• shouting

• hostile gestures

• etc.

• facial expressions

• agitation

• body posture

• fidgeting

• perspiring

• etc.

Discovering Our “Wrong Reflexes”

Intentional (strategic) behaviors

• avoiding

• withdrawing

• withholding information

• not returning messages

• silent treatment

• etc.

• threatening

• pre-empting

• getting others to take sides

• shouting

• hostile gestures

• etc.

Discovering Our “Wrong Reflexes”

• threatening

• pre-empting

• getting others to take sides

• shouting

• hostile gestures

• avoiding

• withdrawing

• withholding information

• not returning messages

• silent treatment

“Flight” “Fight”

Discovering Our “Wrong Reflexes”

Pronghorn

Antilocapra americana“American goat-antelope”

60 – 70 miles per hour

Herding for safety

Distancing = “Walk-aways” Coercion = “Power-plays”

• threatening

• pre-empting

• getting others to take sides

• shouting

• hostile gestures

• avoiding

• withdrawing

• withholding information

• not returning messages

• silent treatment

Discovering Our “Wrong Reflexes”

The Essential Process requires the Cardinal Rules:

1) No Walk-aways We must stay in the Essential Process

2) No Power-plays We must not impose one-sided solutions

A Better Strategy

• A communication tool– no new skills are needed

• Mediation without a third-party

– the initiator wears two hats: negotiator and mediator

– simple “self-help” mediation• A way to get others to work with you, not against you

– even “difficult people”• A core workplace competency• A life skill

What is Self Mediation?

An attitude shift fromme-against-you to

us-against-the-problem

Step 1: Find a time to talk• A conversation about having a conversation• No communication = no solution

Step 4: Make a deal• Plan the future

Step 2: Plan the context• Remove the land mines• Protect the dialogueStep 3: Talk it out• Do two simple tasks• Use natural forces toward harmony to produce the Breakthrough

Overview of Self Mediation

When to use Self Mediation?

Formal resolution

Informal resolution

by grievance/ADR/legal system

Clashes

Managerial MediationSelf Mediation

with self-help mediation tools

Self Mediation Works When

Two people in the dialogue. . . Is the issue defined so two can solve it?

On-going interdependent relationship

No risk of physical violence

If power imbalance, then trust. . . Is there risk that power/authority will be abused?

Clash level

Knowledge Abilities

How We Do Anything Well

Mediation (or music) as a performing art

Skilled behavior

Questions…