effective fraud prevention through emotional connection

Effective Fraud Prevention Through the Power of Emotional Connection

Lola Gershfeld, PsyDBoard Dynamics Specialist

The new science of emotional connection has revolutionized our understanding of the impact we have on each other.

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Team members depend on each other to make the company successful.

This dependency creates an attachment.



We have a need for emotional connection.

When we are unsure of that connection or we feel disconnected, there is a part of our brain that goes into panic.

This isn’t about how strong you are as a person or how mature you. It is the fact that you have a mammalian brain.


Your mammalian brain tells you that being alone with no one watching your back or looking out for you is dangerous. And indeed it is.


We are not designed to face the threats of the economy, competition, or life alone. We don’t do it well.


When we hear people say,

“They’re just being difficult, or has a personality disorder, or doesn't have any

skills," we look at it through the lens of this new science and say, "No, this

person is actually terrified. They are in a terrible attachment panic and have no

idea how to deal with it.”

So, they deal with it by getting angry or shutting down and withdrawing, which

unfortunately pushes people away.


With emotional connection, you not only create an environment for people to be open and transparent, you create an environment where people care about each other.


Emotional connection starts with how deal with your emotions and the emotional signals you send to each other.


Emotion is what directs our interaction with each other. It literally moves us in very specific ways.


Emotion comes from the Latin word emovere, which means “to move”.


Emotions are contagious. If you are feeling stressed, the people that you work with will also feel that stress.


Two Most Damaging Emotions to Human Functioning


Fear Shame

The natural tendency for us when we feel shame or afraid is to “hide and divide”. Underneath that fear and shame is the need for reassurance.


Auditors play an important role in fraud prevention by creating emotional safety with the people that are being audited.


6 Things Emotionally Connected

Auditors DON’T Do



6 Things Emotionally Connected Auditors DON’T Do

They Don’t Blame

• When people feel blamed, they become defensive and start withholding information to protect their safety.

• Blaming can set off a negative pattern and gets you away from creating safety and connection.

The most common negative cycle starts with one person complaining, criticizing, blaming and the other defending, distancing, and stonewalling, withholding information.


CriticizingComplaining

Blaming

DefendingDistancingStonewalling

Then, the cycle gets its own momentum and before you know it, you start to think of the other person as an enemy and you start to physiologically respond to them as dangerous.



If You Catch Yourself Blaming…

• Identify the emotion in yourself – Focus on the most vivid aspect of the experience.

• Name the emotion and share it with someone that you feel connected with.

• Expand your experience by identifying the trigger point when the blame occurs.



They Don’t Create Roadblocks and Cause Confusion

Instead, they understand that in order for the investigation to be successful they must provide people the confidence they need to address challenges together.

Emotion is the most powerful thing in team function.



Examples that help maintain emotional balance• Laying out the process and expectations - creates safety and care.

• Keeping eye contact – sends a message, “I see you.”

• Relaxing your facial muscles - helps people feel more relaxed.

• Using a soft voice - sings a lullaby to the amygdala.

• Hearing the whole person and being open to another’s viewpoints.



They Don’t Shy Away From Differences

Differences are about topics. Topics don’t define a relationship. Significant fights that define a relationship are always and only about one question, the attachment bonding question "Are you there for me? "Do I matter?"

Accessible

• Are you accessible to me? Can I reach you? Will you hear when I call? Are you accessible to me even though you are feelings stressed?

Responsive

• Are you emotionally responsive to me? Do you get my concern, my pain? When I look into your face can I see that my emotions impact you?

Engaged

• Are you be emotionally engaged with me even though you are feeling stressed? Can you help me to do my job effectively even though you are feeling stressed.



All relationship distress, from an attachment point of view, results from a “no” or an “unsure” answer.



They Don’t Stop Being A.R.E.

Emotionally connected auditors make sure that people to feel that the answer to the question, “Are you there for me?” is “yes”. It doesn’t mean that they agree with everything that the other person is saying, it means that the experience they create sends a clear message for other people, that they are always accessible, responsive and engaged.


The main element that defines a secure bond that lasts is emotional responsiveness. It is being able to reach somebody emotionally, create that emotional connection, and trust that you can engage with them when you need them.


An insecure bond is where you don't trust that and you're not sure that's going to happen. What ends up happening is you start pushing for that connection, becoming very agitated, monitoring it all the time, being preoccupied with it and never feeling sure that you are safe.


“Emotional openness and responsiveness is what creates trust, safety, and secure bonding.”

- John Bowlby, Father of Attachment Theory



They Don’t Stop Forming Bonds

Human beings thrive in secure and safe relationships with each other. Although your job is to investigate, secure bonding is what really creates safety for people to be open and transparent.

There are Three Basic Moves To Connection


Reach Push Shut Down

Reach


“I am feeling like we are not moving anywhere. We are kind of stuck. Do you think we can regroup and try again a bit later?”

Push


I’ll make you respond to me. “Why do you always argue? Can't you ever? I'd like you to," and it's protesting, complaining, criticizing, demanding and it’s pushing, pushing, pushing for connection.


The trouble with pushing is it is perceived by the other person’s mammalian brain as a danger cue, as a threat, and where you're trying to get people to come towards you, you are actually pushing them away.

Shut Down


"I'll give up. I don't need a response from you. I'm hurting. I don't want to feel rejected or abandoned," because we're all terrified of that. “I give up, I numb out, I turn away."


The tricky part about that shutting down is it leaves you alone, just like yelling and trying to control.



They Don’t Take Their Role for Granted

They know that creating an effective team is challenging and takes a lot of work. They also know that when the team is emotionally connected, serving as an auditor becomes a lot more fun and personally satisfying.


Everything you do is really moving people into that ability to be emotionally more open and responsive—so that if someone gets disconnected or feels panicked or afraid, you can deal with it in the most effective way possible.


Establishing Safety

• No one has to be the bad guy.

• Validating people’s concerns.

• Affirm feelings• Acknowledge their experience• Reframe responses in a form of attachment

Secure Attachment• Makes the team stronger• Makes people more resilient to stress• They are less likely to get off track• They learn faster• Better at solving challenges• More vigilant in preventative measures• You are a much more effective auditor



Creating an effective board or a team is like dancing the Argentine tango. If you know anything about the Argentine tango, it is not like a regular traditional tango. The Argentine tango is improvised.

What determines great partners from amateurs is emotional connection.

It is the ability to tune into your emotion and be in-tuned with your partner so as you improvise the dance, you move in synchrony, you move in the same emotional channel.


So, the Argentine tango is improvised but it has basic moves, some basic actions.


The same with creating an effective team. The power of emotional connection helps you to be an effective leader and every time you work as a team, you create a new dance, a new interaction but there some basic moves, some basic actions that you need to know and do in order to allow that emotional connection to form and evolve.

These actions are summarized in a tool called Be Cards

As well as a book, called TRUSTMAKERS, that show 52 ways to use Be Cards in building strong and secure bonds with each other.


When you approach leadership that is based on this new science of emotional connection, you have the most amazing arena for change.


Nothing grows people like emotional connection. I get more individual change when I work with a board or a team than when I work with individual directors or executives because people grow each other.


We are not just social animals, we are homo-vinculum, we are one who bond.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this presentation.

For more information on fraud prevention through the power of emotional connection, please contact us at:

Level Five Executive, Inc. 2901 W. Coast Hwy, Suite 200 (714) 992 – 4561Newport Beach, CA 92663 levelfiveexecutive.com

Email: [email protected]: @LevelFiveExecLinkedIn: Lola GershfeldFacebook: Lola @LevelFiveExec

effective fraud prevention through emotional connection

Leadership & Management