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Anger Management

WORKBOOK

© Trainer Bubble Ltd. 2018 - May-23 www.trainerbubble.com

Introduction, Objectives, and Expectations

Anger is a normal human emotion. We’ve all been angry at one time or another.

Some of us handle our anger better than others. While one person might be a bit unhappy when someone cuts him off in traffic, another is so angry that he shouts and swears, and starts driving aggressively himself. How can the same event cause such different reactions? And how can you make sure that your reaction is the calm one, instead of the wild one?

What we really want to do is to understand our anger more deeply and to create a new type of relationship with our emotions, a relationship where we manage them rather than letting them manage us.

By the end of this workshop, you will be able to:

Understand the physiology of anger and identify triggers Use cognitive restructuring and self-talk to help manage anger Develop better lifestyle choices Practice relaxation techniques Complete a thought record

Are there any other skills or knowledge you would like to gain during this workshop?


Learning Log

Section of Session

Key Learning Point


Action Plan

Action Priority When by?


Getting to Know You

To introduce yourself to the rest of the group, can you answer these questions?

1. How would you define anger?

2. What is one thing that is guaranteed to make you feel angry?

3. How often does this happen?

4. Have you ever taken any action to prevent it happening again? What did you do?


The Physiology of Anger

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems; problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. It can also make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.

Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

As you become angry your body's muscles tense up. Inside your brain, neurotransmitter chemicals known as catecholamines are released causing you to experience a burst of energy lasting up to several minutes.

This burst of energy is behind the common angry desire to take immediate protective action. At the same time, your heart rate accelerates, your blood pressure rises, and your rate of breathing increases. Your face may flush as increased blood flow enters your limbs and extremities in preparation for physical action. Your attention narrows and becomes locked onto the target of your anger. Soon, you can pay attention to nothing else. In quick succession, additional brain neurotransmitters and hormones (among them adrenaline and noradrenaline) are released which trigger a lasting state of energy.

Although it is possible for your emotions to rage out of control, the prefrontal cortex of your brain, which is located just behind your forehead, can keep your emotions in proportion. If the amygdala handles emotion, the prefrontal cortex handles judgement.

The left prefrontal cortex can switch off your emotions. It serves in an executive role to keep things under control. Getting control over your anger means learning ways to help your prefrontal cortex get the upper hand over your amygdala so that you have control over how you react to anger

feelings.

Among the many ways to make this happen are breathing and relaxation techniques (which reduce your built-up energy and decrease your amygdala activity) and the use of cognitive control techniques which help you practice using your judgement to override your emotional reactions.

If anger has a physiological preparation phase during which our resources are mobilised for a fight, it also has a wind-down phase as well. We start to relax


back towards our resting state when the target of our anger is no longer accessible or an immediate threat.

Anger and Loss of Control

You are going to watch a short video clip. Make notes below.

Anger is sometimes referred to as the ‘umbrella’ emotion because it can cover numerous feelings.

What emotions are under your umbrella?


Internal and External Triggers

Internal triggers include our brain functions and thought processes.External triggers come from the attitudes and behaviours of others, and the situations we encounter. Everyone has their own triggers for what makes them angry, but some common triggers include situations in which we feel:

Threatened or attacked Frustrated or powerless Like we’re being treated unfairly

People can interpret situations differently, so a situation that makes you feel very angry may not make someone else feel angry at all. Being able to recognise your triggers is the first step to successful anger management.

Read this list of triggers and tick the ones that make you angry. Then identify if the trigger is internal or external.

Event/ Situation Applies to Me?

Internal or

External?You weren’t included in a decision about your teamSomeone says you did something wrongYou feel tense and stressedYour boss belittles you in publicYou get stuck in heavy trafficYou worry about the future everydayYou hear that someone has been spreading rumours about youYou take things too seriously You get caught doing something you shouldn't have been doingYou actively avoid conflictYou feel left out at workAn employee doesn't respect your authorityYou get angry with yourself when you make a small mistakeYou are told that you can't do somethingYou let people ‘walk over you’Someone doesn't agree with youYou suffer from illness or painSomeone doesn't do what you tell him to doYour boss takes over a situation you were managingYou compare yourself unfavourably with othersOthers:


ABC Belief Monitoring

You can use a technique called ABC Belief Monitoring to help identify triggers and their consequences. In this three-step model, you assess a situation after it has happened.

1. Antecedent What was the situation?

2. BeliefWhat thoughts or beliefs did you have about the situation? How true did that belief seem (where 0% is not true at all and 100% is absolutely true)?

3. ConsequencesHow did you feel when the situation happened? How did you act? How did others react?

Think back to a situation when you felt angry or lost your temper. Use the ABC technique to analyse the causes and effects.

Antecedent

What was the situation?

Belief

What thoughts or beliefs did you have about the situation? How true did that belief seem? (Where 0% is not true at all and 100% is absolutely true)

Consequences

How did you feel when the situation happened? How did you act? How did others react?


Thinking Errors

Thinking errors are irrational patterns of thinking that can both cause anger, and be caused by anger: the angrier you feel, the more you are annoyed by thinking errors, and the more they annoy you, the angrier you feel.

To break this vicious circle, you need to identify your thinking errors and successfully challenge them. Some common thinking errors include:

1. 'Hot' thoughts 'Hot' thoughts are angry thoughts that flash into your mind and make you feel worse. People tend to have similar thoughts happening again and again, for example: "He is so lazy", "You’re so selfish.", "I hate this job."

2. Taking things personally People who are angry often take things personally and feel hurt by it. They look for, and expect, criticism from other people. If, for example, someone doesn’t speak to them at a meeting, they may feel that person dislikes them, when in fact it may be that he or she is just focused on the agenda.

3. Ignoring the positive People who get angry tend to focus their thinking on negative or bad events and ignore positive or good events.

4. Perfectionism

People who become angry often expect too much from themselves or those around them. If these standards are not met, then they feel badly let down and hurt. This hurt becomes anger.

Working in pairs, complete the table below by changing angry thoughts to balanced thoughts. You can add your own thoughts at the end of the table.

Angry (Hot) Thought Balanced Thought

He is looking at me and thinks I'm stupid

He is looking over here but I don't know what he is really thinking

They always let me down

She just doesn't care about me, she is selfish


The Effects of Anger

We now know that anger is a natural response to feeling attacked, deceived, frustrated or treated unfairly. Everyone gets angry sometimes – it’s part of being human. And it isn’t always a ‘bad’ emotion; in fact, it can sometimes be useful.

Work with your team to identify positive and negative effects of anger.

Positive Effects Negative Effects


Case Study

Work with your team to analyse the case study and answer the questions that follow.

Case Study

“What is it with you, Rita?” asked Karl, Vice President of Sales and Marketing, of his National Sales Manager. “Can’t you ever do anything right? No wonder I’m going crazy checking and rechecking your department’s work!”

Just ten minutes earlier Karl had finished being reprimanded by his boss, the Senior Vice President. Based on what his boss had said, Karl understood that an important report had been prepared with all the wrong data.

“Look, Rita,” continued Karl, “the bottom line is that you messed up. Now who prepared that report? What’s the name of the culprit? I’m going to give that person a piece of my mind.”“Karl, hold on, will you?” interrupted Rita.“The name,” demanded Karl.“It’s Ebins, the new guy I recently brought on board,” explained Rita. “Please let me call him in and find out for myself what happened.”“No way, I’ll do it myself,” replied Karl. “It seems I have to do everything around here myself anyway."

While Karl was getting Ebins on the phone, Rita was trying to compose herself. She was totally shocked at Karl’s behavior and wanted to resolve the problem herself. After all, Ebins was a member of her staff. Rita could only see her relationship with Ebins being destroyed by Karl’s bad temper and interference.

Once on the phone, Karl proceeded to attack Ebins. “You ruined everything. Nothing was done right!” As Karl slammed the phone down, he remarked, “Now let him stew for a while.”

1) What do you see are the problems here?

2) What might have been a more effective approach for Karl to take?

3) What would you have said to Rita, if you were in Karl’s place? If you were Rita, how would you feel now? What would you do?


Self-awareness

Self-awareness demands an accurate knowledge of yourself and your emotions. It also requires understanding and the ability to predict your emotional reactions to situations. Self-awareness involves recognising and understanding your moods and emotions and their effect on others.

When we examined our triggers earlier today, we were increasing our self-awareness by recognising our moods and emotions.

You are going to be comic writer for the next 10 minutes. Can you draw a comic strip illustrating a time when you got angry? Think about how you acted and behaved, what was said and done. How did you feel during the exchange? How did the other person feel/ react?

Your Trainer will give you a blank comic strip, and you can make your rough draft below.


Cognitive Restructuring

Cognitive Restructuring means changing the way you think; replacing emotionally charged thoughts with more rational ones; and using positive words. Remember earlier, we completed an exercise to turn ‘hot’ thoughts into balanced ones? That was one example of Cognitive Restructuring. Playing charades was another example of a situation that may cause stress, frustration, and mild anger.

Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly provocative terms that reflect their feelings. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these emotionally charged thoughts with more rational ones. For example, instead of saying to yourself, "Oh, this is terrible, everything is ruined!" tell yourself, "I'm upset about this, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it."

Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So, be logical and rational. Remind yourself that the world is not out to get you, you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Remind yourself that anger is a normal emotion that can be managed.

If you’re feeling upset or angry, you might find yourself automatically thinking or saying things like:

“This is all their fault.” “They never listen.” “This always happens to me.” “Other people should behave better.”

But often there are lots of different ways we could interpret a situation. It can make you feel worse if you think in terms of ‘always’, ‘never’ and ‘should’, because in reality things are rarely so black and white. Making an effort to replace these words with softer terms like ‘sometimes’ or ‘could’ when thinking about your situation might help you to break up negative thought patterns, reflect more calmly on your situation and find new ways through conflicts.


Assertive Communication

Part of Cognitive Restructuring is using assertive communication.

Often people who are most angry are people who haven’t developed their communication skills to the level they would like, and as a result they feel frustrated and misunderstood.

Sometimes we have certain issues that get in the way of a good relationship with an individual and we are reluctant to deal with this concern. We are most likely to retain the goodwill of the person we're standing up to if we stick with our own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, and avoid direct or implied criticism of the other person. However, this approach will not result in effective or positive communication. It may, in fact, cause anger to build up. Assertive communication means:

You express your feelings and your rights clearly You listen and negotiate You act in your best interest, though you still consider the rights and

needs of others You develop equality and trust in all your relationships You ask for help when you need it

Assertive communication can be demonstrated through verbal and non-verbal signals, and the perception of others will be influenced by this.

Verbal Non-verbal Perception by Others

A style in which you stand up for your rights while maintaining respect for the rights of others

Expresses honest feelings comfortably

Responds to violation of his or others rights

Speaks clearly in a firm voice

Will use ‘I’ easily

Maintains easy eye contact

A relaxed, upright posture, smooth, relaxed movements

Smiles freely

Each of our opinions matter

All others are considered important

We have equality


Self-talk

Self-talk has a huge influence on your feelings and can make you feel better or worse about any given situation. If your self-talk tends to be negative, you probably spend a lot more time feeling angry (at yourself, or at others) than someone whose self-talk is positive. For example: You’re in your manager’s office for your annual pay review. Your manager focuses 80% of the conversation on what you failed to achieve over the past 12 months.

Negative self-talk:

‘That is so unfair. I met all but one of my targets. And I told him ages ago I needed help from Sales. I feel so demotivated. Think I’ll go home early. I don’t need this right now.’

Positive self-talk:

‘It’s OK. My team and I know that we worked as hard as we could, and that the results we achieved were far beyond expectation. Think I’ll get doughnuts for everyone.’

Some examples of positive self-talk:

‘I can do it.’ ‘I’m good enough.’ ‘If I want to, I can.’ ‘It doesn’t matter if I make a mistake.’ ‘I can make it happen.’ ‘If I try hard, I’ll get there.’ ‘This is good fun, even if I’m hopeless.’

Think about situations from the past when you have felt angry. Can you write three phrases that could manage your anger? You will not share these expressions with the group, unless you want to.

1.

2.


3.


Lifestyle Choices

Looking after your wellbeing more generally could help you feel calmer and more in control when things happen that make you feel angry. We can’t always control the anger that builds up from external triggers, but we can find ways to reduce the pressure we put on ourselves through making the right lifestyle choices.

Try to:

Be more active. Being active can help let out any tension you’re feeling, and benefit your self-esteem. Even gentle exercise like going for a walk can make a difference.

Get a good night’s sleep. Not sleeping well can have a huge impact on how we’re feeling, and how well we cope with things that happen to us.

Be aware of your diet and nutrition.

Learn to deal with pressure. We can feel pressured or stressed for lots of different reasons, but taking some time to learn how to deal with pressure can help us feel more in control of difficult situations.

Develop your emotional resilience. Emotional resilience helps us feel more able to handle difficult emotions.

Identify your triggers.

Make sure you have time for things you enjoy.

Learn to relax.

Work with your partner to discuss what lifestyle changes you will make to help with your anger management.

I will


Relaxation Techniques

A relaxation technique is any method, process, procedure, or activity that helps you to relax, remain calm, and reduce feelings of anger. There are many techniques to choose from, depending on what suits you and what is convenient at the time you are angry.

Exercise – a long walk, run, yoga, judo or any other sport can help to release the stress that is causing the anger

Breathing patterns – try to breathe out for longer than you breathe in and focus on each breath as you take it

Progressive muscle relaxation – if you can feel your body getting tense, try focusing on each part of your body in turn to tense, and then relax your muscles

Do something to distract yourself – anything that completely changes your situation, thoughts or patterns can help stop your anger escalating. For example, you could try putting on upbeat music and dancing, or doing some colouring!

Breathing Patterns

Technique 1 – Simple Breathing Technique1. Start by taking several slow and deep breaths in a row, each time taking

care to exhale for twice as long as you inhale. 2. As you do this, notice where the air in your lungs is going. Open your

lungs and breathe deeply across your lung's full range.3. Your breath should enter your belly first, then your chest, and finally your

upper chest just below your shoulders.4. Continue this breathing pattern for several minutes, returning immediately

to normal breathing if at any time you feel odd or out of breath.

Technique 2 – The 4-7-8 Technique1. Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.2. Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count

of four.3. Hold your breath for a count of seven.4. Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a

count of eight.5. This is one breath. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle three more

times for a total of four breaths

How do you feel now? Is this something you will practice on a regular basis?


Progressive Muscle Relaxation

1. The first step is applying muscle tension to a specific part of the body. First, focus on the target muscle group, for example, your left hand. Next, take a slow, deep breath and squeeze the muscles as hard as you can for about 5 seconds. It is important to really feel the tension in the muscles, which may even cause a bit of discomfort or shaking. It is easy to accidentally tense other surrounding muscles (for example, the shoulder or arm), so try to ONLY tense the muscles you are targeting. Isolating muscle groups gets easier with practice.

2. This step involves quickly relaxing the tensed muscles. After about 5 seconds, let all the tightness flow out of the tensed muscles. Exhale as you do this step. You should feel the muscles become loose and limp, as the tension flows out. It is important to very deliberately focus on and notice the difference between the tension and relaxation. This is the most important part of the whole exercise.


Distraction – Colouring for Mindfulness

Colouring for mindfulness is a relatively new relaxation technique that helps to distract you mind from worries and anger triggers.

Your trainer will give you a picture and some colouring pens and pencils.

When you have finished, you can answer the question below.



Thought Records

A Thought Record is a tool that can be used to record events and situations that cause you to feel angry, stressed, or anxious. The seven-part thought record can be used to:

Identify negative thoughts

Help you understand the links between thoughts and emotions

Examine the evidence for and against a selected trigger/ emotion

Challenge a thought/ emotion

Generate more realistic alternatives for thoughts and behaviours

They have seven sections:

1. Situation

Describe what was happening: Who, what, when where?

2. Emotion/ Feeling

Emotions can be described with one word: e.g. angry, sad, scared Rate 0-100%

3. Negative thought

What thoughts were going through your mind?

4. Evidence that supports the thought

What facts support the truthfulness of this thought or image?

5. Evidence that does not support the thought

What experiences indicate that this thought is not completely true?

6. Alternative thought

Write a new thought which accounting for the evidence for and against the original thought

7. Emotion/ Feeling

How do you feel about the situation now? Rate 0 - 100%


Thought Record – Exercise

Complete a Thought Record, based on your own experiences.

Situation

Emotion/ Feeling

Negative thought

Evidence that supports the thought

Evidence that does not support the thought

Alternative thought

Emotion/ Feeling

Further Reading


Here is a selection of books and video clips that we recommend:

Mike Fisher – Beating Anger

Daniel Goleman – Emotional Intelligence

Paul McGee – Shut up, Move on

Dan Moshavi – The Upsides of Anger (TED Talk)

Linda Reinstein – Turning Anger into Action (TED Talk)

Mike Williams – Mindfulness


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