e health december 6 2016 writing workshop
TRANSCRIPT
![Page 1: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/1.jpg)
WRITING WORKSHOP
E-HEALTH SASKATCHEWAN
![Page 2: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/2.jpg)
![Page 3: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/3.jpg)
![Page 4: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/4.jpg)
05 DECEMBER 2016AGENDA
• Introduction
• Just A Minute exercise
• The structure of a good story
• Text analysis
• Vernacular eloquence
![Page 5: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/5.jpg)
THESIS
• Storytelling is the key to getting your message across
• You need a narrative structure for your
• writing
• presentations
• conversations
![Page 6: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/6.jpg)
THE HIDDEN AGENDA:IF YOU’RE NOT TELLING A
STORY…YOU’RE NOT DOING
ANYTHING.
”
“
![Page 7: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/7.jpg)
SUCCESSFUL POLITICIANS
UNDERSTAND THIS PERFECTLY.
![Page 8: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/8.jpg)
NATIONAL POST27 SEPT. 2016
![Page 9: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/9.jpg)
![Page 10: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/10.jpg)
![Page 11: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/11.jpg)
WE SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN GOVERNMENT
• speaking to people who are not listening
• writing reports that never get read• failing to engage people.
![Page 12: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/12.jpg)
![Page 13: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/13.jpg)
![Page 14: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/14.jpg)
“Stories are the most powerful delivery tool for information.The best way to unite an idea with an emotion is by telling a
story.”
![Page 15: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/15.jpg)
JUST A MINUTE EXERCISE
![Page 16: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/16.jpg)
![Page 17: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/17.jpg)
DIVIDE INTO GROUPS OF 3 OR 4
![Page 18: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/18.jpg)
PICK A STORYTELLER
![Page 19: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/19.jpg)
JUST A MINUTE EXERCISEHELP YOUR STORYTELLER…
• Craft their story.
• What’s interesting
• What’s not.
![Page 20: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/20.jpg)
JUST A MINUTETHE GOAL
• Speak for one minute:
• No hesitation• No repetition• No deviation
![Page 21: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/21.jpg)
WHEN YOU’RE READY,
![Page 22: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/22.jpg)
COME TO THE FRONT OF THE
ROOM.
![Page 23: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/23.jpg)
YOUR STORIES…ONE MINUTE.
![Page 24: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/24.jpg)
POST JUST A MINUTESOME QUESTIONS
• How did you pick a storyteller?
• Are some better than others at storytelling?
• Why?
• How did you organize your story?
![Page 25: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/25.jpg)
IAN, WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO DO
WITH MY JOB?
![Page 26: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/26.jpg)
THE INFORMATION EDITING SKILLS YOU NEED…
• allow you to get your point across;
• These skills should be highly valued in complex organizations;
• Without a narrative, no one will hear you.
![Page 27: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/27.jpg)
![Page 28: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/28.jpg)
![Page 29: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/29.jpg)
![Page 30: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/30.jpg)
![Page 31: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/31.jpg)
![Page 32: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/32.jpg)
— Alex Frankel, Guardian, 27 November 2016
YOUR POLICY IS ONLY AS GOOD AS THE NARRATIVE
OR PUBLIC DISCOURSE YOU HAVE HUNG IT ON.
”
“
![Page 33: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/33.jpg)
![Page 34: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/34.jpg)
Nancy Duarte—Resonate.• Every story needs a big idea;• A unique point of view, rather than generalizations;• Convey what’s at stake;• Make people care about your perspective.
pg. 78
![Page 35: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/35.jpg)
Point of view versus topic
• Governments write about topics;• People write with a point-of-view;• One builds a story, one doesn’t
![Page 36: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/36.jpg)
The fate of the oceans isa topic.
Climate change is killingsea otters expresses a point of view.
![Page 37: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/37.jpg)
— Nancy Duarte, Resonate.
YOU CAN HAVE PILES OF FACTS AND STILL FAIL TO
RESONATE.
”
“
![Page 38: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/38.jpg)
THE STRUCTURE OF EFFECTIVE
STORIES
![Page 39: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/39.jpg)
![Page 40: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/40.jpg)
![Page 41: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/41.jpg)
![Page 42: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/42.jpg)
![Page 43: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/43.jpg)
![Page 44: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/44.jpg)
![Page 45: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/45.jpg)
Derick Heathcoat-Amory
• Britain’s Chancellor the Exchequer, 1958 - 1960• 1st Viscount Amory KG, GCMG
![Page 46: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/46.jpg)
KG
![Page 47: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/47.jpg)
![Page 48: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/48.jpg)
KCMG
![Page 49: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/49.jpg)
Operation Market Garden.
• Amory was wounded and captured in the battle• September 1944• Largest airborne military operation to that point.
![Page 50: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/50.jpg)
39,620 troops delivered by air
• 21,074 via parachute• 18,546 by glider
![Page 51: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/51.jpg)
![Page 52: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/52.jpg)
![Page 53: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/53.jpg)
![Page 54: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/54.jpg)
WHAT AM I DOING WHEN TELLING A STORY..
![Page 55: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/55.jpg)
I’M THINKING ABOUT THE AUDIENCE…
• Who are they ?
• What do they need ?
• What context is needed ?
• How do I order my choices ?
![Page 56: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/56.jpg)
— John McPhee, New Yorker, September 14, 2015.
WRITING IS SELECTION.
”
“
![Page 57: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/57.jpg)
“You select what goes in and you decide what stays out. At base you have only one criterion; If something interests you, it goes in—if not, it stays out.”
![Page 58: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/58.jpg)
HYPOTHETICALLY, THE FOUNTAIN IS FALLING APART.
• What story do I want to tell ?
• This symbol of our heritage must be saved !
• This symbol of colonialist oppression must go !
![Page 59: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/59.jpg)
WHAT SHOULD WE DO ABOUT THE FOUNTAIN
• Is it worth saving?
• Should money be spent instead on a different monument?
• What information do you need to make a good decision?
![Page 60: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/60.jpg)
TRY TO ANTICIPATE RESPONSES TO YOUR STORY.LANGUAGE AND STORIES ARE ABOUT
POWER.• “I’d like to thank the province for getting rid of that
fountain”.
• “Thanks for once again dumping our heritage”.
![Page 61: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/61.jpg)
ARE INEXTRICABLY LINKEDLANGUAGE AND POWER
• Information drives action
• Action has to be explained
• The end result of a decision, inevitably, is the exercise of power.
• The end result of that intersection is story.
![Page 62: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/62.jpg)
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said…
…people will forget what you did.
![Page 63: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/63.jpg)
…but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
![Page 64: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/64.jpg)
How do you feel after reading most government documents ?
![Page 65: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/65.jpg)
STYLE AND STRUCTURE
![Page 66: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/66.jpg)
![Page 67: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/67.jpg)
Subordinating Style
• Components linked by relationship of:
![Page 68: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/68.jpg)
CAUSALITYTEMPORALITYPRECEDENCE
![Page 69: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/69.jpg)
CAUSALITY: ONE THING CAUSES
ANOTHER
![Page 70: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/70.jpg)
TEMPORALITY:ONE THING HAPPENS BEFORE ANOTHER.
![Page 71: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/71.jpg)
PRECEDENCE:ONE THING IS MORE
IMPORTANT THAN THE OTHER.
![Page 72: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/72.jpg)
Time for a shiftTemporal
CausalPrecedence
![Page 73: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/73.jpg)
![Page 74: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/74.jpg)
![Page 75: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/75.jpg)
POSITIONING STATEMENT EXERCISE
![Page 76: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/76.jpg)
REPORT BACK IN 15 MINUTES
![Page 77: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/77.jpg)
TEXT ANALYSIS
![Page 78: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/78.jpg)
Text analysis
• Why some stories are better than others.
![Page 79: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/79.jpg)
![Page 80: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/80.jpg)
![Page 81: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/81.jpg)
two scores
• Flesch-Kincaid Read Ease score (1 - 100)• North American Grade Level
![Page 82: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/82.jpg)
Reading Ease score
![Page 83: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/83.jpg)
![Page 84: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/84.jpg)
NOT-SO-GOODSCORE
![Page 85: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/85.jpg)
![Page 86: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/86.jpg)
![Page 87: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/87.jpg)
FOR SASKATCHEWAN’S PUBLIC SERVICENEW TARGETS
• A Flesch-Kincaid readability score of 50 or greater;
• A grade level between 6-8;• 12 to 15 words per sentence.
![Page 88: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/88.jpg)
“IAN, GRADE 6 LEVEL IS HARD TO ACHIEVE,
WITHOUT DUMBING DOWN THE CONTENT
”
“
![Page 89: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/89.jpg)
MORE THAN 40% OF NORTH AMERICANS HAVE ONLY BASIC LITERACY SKILLS.
![Page 90: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/90.jpg)
SIMPLE IS NOT EASY,
IT CAN BE ELEGANT.
![Page 91: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/91.jpg)
B. ObamaM. Obama
H. ClintonD. Trump
0
22.5
45
67.5
90
Readability ScoresMajor Convention Speeches
July, 2016
![Page 92: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/92.jpg)
B. ObamaM. Obama
H. ClintonD. Trump
0
2.25
4.5
6.75
9
Grade LevelMajor Convention Speeches
July, 2016
![Page 93: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/93.jpg)
USING READABILITY SCORES TO IMPROVE
WRITING.
![Page 94: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/94.jpg)
Sasktel 2014 Annual Report.
• Pg. 6• Let’s re-write it.
![Page 95: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/95.jpg)
![Page 96: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/96.jpg)
![Page 97: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/97.jpg)
WORKING IN GROUPS, TAKE 20 MINUTES
• Can you do better?
![Page 98: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/98.jpg)
MY ATTEMPT
![Page 99: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/99.jpg)
![Page 100: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/100.jpg)
![Page 101: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/101.jpg)
![Page 102: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/102.jpg)
THE USE OF NUMBERS IN
STORIES
![Page 103: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/103.jpg)
NUMBERS NEED CONTEXTSTORIES SOMETIMES NEED NUMBERS
• Always• be• comparing
![Page 104: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/104.jpg)
THIS IS A STORY.
![Page 105: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/105.jpg)
The US Federal Air Marshal Service spend $800 million annually.
![Page 106: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/106.jpg)
That $800 million represents
• 40% of what the US Secret Service spends;• 10% of what the FBI spends annually.
![Page 107: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/107.jpg)
Know the difference between numbers and
stories.
![Page 108: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/108.jpg)
• Only 5% of US flights have an Air Marshal;• Since 9/11, there have been no hijackings;• There have been more arrests of Air Marshals• than by Air Marshals since 9/11.
Here’s some other stories…
![Page 109: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/109.jpg)
From the abstract to the concrete.
![Page 110: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/110.jpg)
The whole tendency of modern proseis away from concreteness.
George OrwellPolitics and the English Language
1946
![Page 111: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/111.jpg)
Concrete narratives use superlatives to move
the story along.
![Page 112: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/112.jpg)
fastest, newest, oldest, strongest,first-ever.
![Page 113: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/113.jpg)
![Page 114: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/114.jpg)
![Page 115: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/115.jpg)
![Page 116: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/116.jpg)
use of metaphor make writing concrete
![Page 117: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/117.jpg)
VERNACULAR ELOQUENCE
![Page 118: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/118.jpg)
![Page 119: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/119.jpg)
“If we read every sentence aloud carefully…and if we then fiddle and adjust
our words until they feel right in the mouth and sound right in the ear, the resulting sentence will be strong and
clear.”
–Prof. Peter Elbow
![Page 120: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/120.jpg)
Questions
• Do you write multiple drafts ?• Do you read them out loud to someone else ?
![Page 121: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/121.jpg)
“If we read every sentence aloud carefully…and if we then fiddle and adjust
our words until they feel right in the mouth and sound right in the ear, the resulting sentence will be strong and
clear.”
![Page 122: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/122.jpg)
PARTING THOUGHTS.
![Page 123: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/123.jpg)
In your documents/presentations….• convey a big idea;• covey what’s at stake;• Convince me I should care.
![Page 124: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/124.jpg)
Exhibit a clarity of intent
• What problem am I trying to solve;• What does ‘good’ look like;• How will I know when I get there ?
![Page 125: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/125.jpg)
Rejected opportunity cost
• What happens if I do nothing ?
![Page 126: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/126.jpg)
An audience transformed
• The highest goal;• Now that I’ve read this, I know this;• Now, I have to do something.
![Page 127: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/127.jpg)
A PRESENTATION
TEMPLATE.
![Page 128: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/128.jpg)
We had a big idea• It’s important because—• This idea came from—• We talked to these people, and they said—
![Page 129: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/129.jpg)
Here’s how our big idea changed
• We were surprised to discover—• New information created these new insights—• Here’s why these insights are valuable—
![Page 130: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/130.jpg)
The value proposition
• Our big idea will improve a process/save money/• make life better for people in the following ways—
![Page 131: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/131.jpg)
Rejected opportunity cost
• If we do nothing, here are the consequences—• Here’s what they are doing on other jurisdictions—
![Page 132: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/132.jpg)
Now that you now all this
• You must—
![Page 133: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/133.jpg)
questions
![Page 134: E health December 6 2016 Writing Workshop](https://reader036.vdocuments.site/reader036/viewer/2022070522/58ee96661a28abef6f8b46a1/html5/thumbnails/134.jpg)