Things I Learned From Cop Movies

During all criminal investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip

joint at least once.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Never, ever, be Inspector Harry Callahan’s new

partner.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is

necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously

from left to right every few moments.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry which wire to cut. You will

always choose the right one.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight

involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to

attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their

predecessors.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Police departments give their officers personality

tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their total

opposite.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated

machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man

eating sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

I missed the day of the Academy when they taught how to ride on a car hood.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Your supervisor is always wrong and must be trained

into understanding your methods of police work are

far superior to his.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Exotic sports cars can be bought on a cop's salary.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Every officer will be involved in a shooting within the first week on

duty.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

There are two types of women:

1. Victims. 2. Kick ass partners. You will sleep with both types.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Pistols are never carried with a round chambered.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

You can knock most bad guys old cold with a single

punch, and never break your hand.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Unless the movie is about a federal agent, federal

agents all wear expensive, three-piece suits, and are

incompetent jerks.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Even the tightest, most fashionable outfits can

completely conceal guns, badges, handcuffs and

pistol magazines.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Cops involved in shootings are seldom debriefed or placed on administrative

leave.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Typing in only a name into a police computer will yield

the owner’s last ten addresses and employers, complete military record,

and medical history.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Any police radio can be “patched through” to the Joint Chiefs of Staff on a

moment’s notice.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Cops commonly transfer from one major police

department to another with no intervening training or loss of status or seniority.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Detective’s offices are always clean and modern,

unless they are in New York City, where they will be housed in condemned

buildings.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Every patrol division has at least one fat, aging cop who

wisecracks endlessly and smokes a cigar.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

The smallest detail in a photograph or video image

can be “enhanced” to reveal the suspect’s face.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Criminal gangs can always find an abandoned building with heat, electricity, and

telephone service to use as a hideout.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Cops never know of the existence of these

buildings.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

An unlimited number of search warrants can be

“picked up” by any officer, for any reason, at a moment’s notice.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

The chances of being killed by a drunk driver increase

approximately 100 times by marrying a cop.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Every third vehicle accident will involve at least a minor

fire.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Every fifth vehicle accident will result in a breathtaking

explosion.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Police radios will transmit without having to activate the “push to talk” button.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Every police agency, district attorney’s office, and animal

shelter has at least one “safe house.”

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

If you need to escape from a building, use the ventilation system. The ducts are large

and unobstructed, and no one will think of looking for you

there.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

All telephone numbers in the USA begin with 555.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

All beds have special L shaped sheets which reach up

to armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the

man lying beside her.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

It is easy for anyone to land a plane, as long as there is

someone in the control tower to talk them down.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious

beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his

wounds.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take

out a bill. Just grab one at random and hand it over - it will always be the exact fare.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Women will investigate any suspicious noise in a house

while wearing their most revealing underwear.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK stadium.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or

ending telephone conversations.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices having large red digital

displays, so you know exactly when the bomb will go off.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

It is always possible to park directly outside the building

you are visiting.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak

English to each other.

Things I Learned From Cop Movies

Any door can be opened in seconds with a paper clip or credit card, unless it is the

door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.