duck wrap and other stupid poems - frank anthony

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Duck Wrap

And other Stupid Poems

Written & Illustrated by

Frank Anthony

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-

NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. To view a copy of this

license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/ or send a

letter to Creative Commons, 444 Castro Street, Suite 900, Mountain View,

California, 94041, USA.

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Contents

The Lizard n' the Wizard 1

Showbiz 2

I Wonder Where's my Underwear 3

There's no Grater Greater 5

Duck Wrap 7

From a Seesaw once... 9

Desperation 10Dead Poems Society 11

Pink Pickled Poet 12

Free Market 14

Scrawny Scribbling Scribe 15

Yester & Yonder 17On A Tree 17

Sleepy Time Blues 18

Night Terrors 20

Mixed Marriage 22

Je ne regrette.... 22Introduction

I wrote many of these poems back around 2004, about the

same time I discovered my enjoyment of creating cartoons.

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When I draw I tend to either work in pencil and ink the

outline later in pen, or draw directly with the pen, rarely re-

drawing. Some of the images were coloured with artistswatercolour and others using the Gimp (www.gimp.org).

Creating this e-book brought back to me the sheer delight of

this kind of doodling and was a great reminder of the creative

possibilities of free play.

I make no apology for the simplicity of the poems. As aclown, performer and 'poet' I have a great love of stupidity

and couldn't imagine doing a job that was anything less than

stupid!

I hope you enjoy the book.

Frank Anthony

7th October 2013

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http://www.gimp.org/http://www.gimp.org/


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The Lizard 'n the Wizard

A passing flying lizard

hit a wizard in the gizzard

The wizz he fell down flat

and turned quite blue

I helped him to his feetand fixed his robe so it looked neat

And so he magicked up this book

to give to you!

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Showbiz

Life is hell

and my armpits smell

and my knickers are falling apart

As for my finances,

they're even worse than my chancesAnd my health?

Well just don't even start.

Of hope, day to day, there's nary a ray

the Repo man's repo'd my floor!

I'd go to work - but I can't stand that

cos' my boss is a big stupid bore.

No, the Stage is the place where I ought to be!

Exotic dancing at nights!

Then taking my bow, to the roar of the crowd,

in my sparkly costume and tights!

*As with all artists, the author struggles withthe necessity of a day job

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I wonder where's my underwear?

I wonder where's my underwear?

I left it here, I did! I swear!

S'not under here, not under there.

Didn't drop 'em on the stair.

What's worse, I've only got one pairof purple spotty underwear!

Oh, it really would be too unfair

If someone's nicked my underwear!

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There's no Grater Greater (or Greater Grater)

written while grating cheese for cheese sauce

There's no grater greater than the grater I own!

There's no greater grater than mine!

When grating I use just this grater alonealbeit of simple design.

These new-fangled graters with electric rotators

I just cannot help but malign!

for all other graters I simply disown

and I'll stick with this grater of mine!

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Duck Wrap

Ah'm a duck Ah go quack

Ah got feathers on mah back

Ah bin swimmin' all day s

so ah gotta hit the sack!

Ah'm a man-duck (that's a drake)Ah like swimmin' in mah lake

An' when it comes to bread...

Man, Ah'm always on the take.

Ah can swim and ah can fly

Ah can be wet. Ah can be dry

But ah don't like no orange sauce!

Man, that stuff makes me cry!

'Duck Wrap was written prior to running a poetry workshop for

Hackney City Farm I realised none of my poems were very rap-likeand thought I'd better display some range!

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From a seesaw once...

From a seesaw once I saw a sea

as I seesawed up and down

And the sea I saw was a saucy sea

all sticky, thick and brown.

On the sea seesawed a sailing shipseesawing wild and free!

The saucy sea seesawed the ship

and the seesaw seesawed me.

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Desperation

If I could just nip behind that tree

things'd be great, 'cos then I could pee!

Or better still, just there on the hill

there's a shop with a looyou just ask at the till!

I've pee'd in a train

and even a 'plane

and back at my house

I go time and again!

Oh, I really do wish I could go for a pee!

But I can't get down

from this elephant, see?

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Dead poems society

Yesterday my poem died

half-written on the page

A work that really should have been

A Wonder of the Age'T'would have been an awesome work

to stand the test of Time

Alas, it came to nothing

for the words just wouldn't

match up.

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Pink Pickled Poet

Once, at the insistence of my pushy Papa

we drove to a pickling plant in his car

Pink peppered pickles was the product they made

and Papa hoped I'd learn the pickling trade.The manager met us and said Son, you'll go far

popping pink pickled peppers in a pickling jar!

Said I Thank you kindly, but I must follow my star

and can't pause to pop pickles, pink though they are!

Pink pepper popping's not for people like me!

My potential is purely in poetry, see?

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Free Market

The things I'd do if I were free!

I'd dance! I'd sing! Write poetry!

Out amongst the trees I'd run

And build a treehouse just for fun!

Oh, such a life, if I were free!

I'd walk for miles beside the sea!

Pick wild flowers, smell the air!

Not sit in an office au contraire!

But sad though it is, I have to say

My life has not worked out that way

Tho' I'd give my arms to be free

The fact remains my bank owns me!

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Scrawny Scribbling Scribe

A scrawny scribe who scribbled scrawled a script

With rhythmic ribald rhyming his pen dripped

Until a pious portly priest passed by

And upon the scrawny scribbler cast his eye

O scrawny scribe thou scribblest crap! sayeth heWhen thou coulds't pen pious poetry like me!

At this the scribbling scrawny scribe just laughed

What? Pen pious priestly poppycock? That's just

daft!

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What? Pen pious priestly poppycock? That's justdaft!

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Yester and Yonder

Yester and Yonder went for a wander

over the brow of a hill.

Yester dallied all day, Yonder wandered away

so Yester's a day behind still.

On a tree

I think that I shall never see

a tree as beautiful as me

It lacks my form, lacks my grace

Good grief, it even lacks a face!

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Sleepy Time Blues

Up, down, left, right!

I don't know how to sleep tonight!

Curled up or stretched right out?

It's something I just can't work out!

I wriggle round, I toss and turnAnd count some sheep

And suck my thumb

And kick the covers from my bed

But I'm just not a sleepyhead!

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Up, down, left, right!

I don't know how to sleep tonight!

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Night Terrors

A zorgle bird is a bird to shun

It's a great big thing with eyes that stun!

And the flurgle snail you'd best avoid

If you touch it's slime you'll be destroyed!

And never go near a flabber beastUnless you want to be deceased!

But the scariest kind of monster pest

Is an alien toad in a wooly vest!

If disturbed it'll zap you dead!

But they can't get me, 'cos I'm safe in bed!

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And never go near a flabber beast

Unless you want to be deceased!

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Mixed marriage

The funniest man in the world

married the saddest woman on Earth

yet despite their deep affection

he laughed himself to death

This made her sadder than everand she died with barely a sigh

And when they found out,

their kids didn't know

whether to laugh or cry.

Je ne regrette...

The things I never cared about

As I was growing up

Have all conspired to create

A useless grown-up

If I could have that time againThose happy carefree ways!

I wouldn't care about them still

I'd laze around for days!

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About Frank Anthony

Frank Anthony is a London, UK based performer with

interests in modern Commedia and clowning. He trained as

an actor at London's City Literary Institute between 1996 and

98 and has performed at the Greenwich Millennium Dome

(now the O2) as well as many private, corporate andcommunity events.

He and has worked widely in street theatre, where he

developed an interest in clowning, Commedia and

improvised comedy. He has a passionate interest in

creativity in general and the importance of free play and

imagination.

Frank is available for performance and workshops. For more

information visit: http:franklystupid.weebly.comor email

[email protected]

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duck wrap and other stupid poems - frank anthony

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