Download - True faith 122
NEWCASTLE UNITED FANZINE - THE ALTERNATIVE VIEW - 2015/16 SEASON
15/16
ISSUE 122
PARTIZAN
GEORDIE
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EDITOR: Michael Martin
DEPUTY EDITOR:
Gareth Harrison
ART & DESIGN:
Glenn Ashcroft
& Michael Martin
ILLUSTRATIONS:
Marc Jennings
marcjennings.co.uk
PHOTOGRAPHY:
Matt Flynn, Colin Ferguson
& Carl Haynes
PROOFREADING -
Neil Huitson
WEBSITE: Glenn Ashcroft
& Michael Martin
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Editorial.................................................... pg4
TBAWE...................................................... pg6
Optimism................................................ pg11
DerbyDisaster....................................... pg14
Comeinno.9yourtimeisup......... pg16
CommunityService............................. pg20
TouchingDistance............................... pg24
ToughCrowd.......................................... pg28
Theworstoftimes?............................ pg31
Judas?....................................................... pg34
Here’swhatyoucouldhavewon.. pg36
TPRofTynesidevTalksport
&thewhitevanmenofEssex........ pg40
Jubilee-IsNewcastleactually
betterwithoutthefootballteam?.... pg42
ArrestedDevelopment....................... pg44
Acaptain’stale..................................... pg48
Cartoons................................................. pg52
FeeleveryBeat..................................... pg53
EndofEmpire....................................... pg62
TheboyfromBrazil............................ pg64
Didtheclubinvestall
itcouldinthesummer?................... pg70
tfPodcasts............................................. pg77
Postcardsfromtheedge................... pg78
TheSecretDiaryofLeeRyder........ pg80
60secondseason-1914/15.......... pg84
Depression,drugs,delusion
&MrAshley’sbigshop..................... pg86
TheEnd................................................... pg90
Welcome to tf 122.
Once again I’m startingoff an editorial here withUnitedonanothermassivedowner.DespiteanewHeadCoachinthesummerwitharevampedbackroomstaffaswellas£50minvestedinnewplayerswe’vehadtheworst start to a season inourentirehistory.WeweredisgracefullybadathomeintheLeagueCuptoSheffieldWednesday Reserves anddeservedly exited thecompetition we had thebestchanceofprogressingin. We have lost anotherderby by an emphaticscore-line and as I write(before the Stoke game)we are second bottom ofthePremierLeague.
There have been somehorrific performances –Sheff Wed (h),West Ham(a),Swansea(a)andWatford
(h) were straightforwardlyhorrific whilst losing 6-1at Man City stunned thetravellingsupport.
Whilstmanyhaveassessedthesquadaswoefullyshortof quality in key positions– right through the spineoftheteam–fromcentre-half to central midfield tocentre forward there havebeen plenty who havequestioned the qualityof leadership and pride inthe jersey from numerousplayers.
Despite a whole closeseason of preparation theteam does not yet havean identity in its style ofplay and although therehave been moments hereandthere inseveralgameswhere we have shownpromise they simply havenot been sufficient to giveusanymorethanonewin
in tenPLmatches andwecouldnotdealwithSheffieldWednesday’s second stringintheLeagueCup.
There are also far toomanyplayersonthebookspickingupbigmoneywhoare currently contributingnothing – Tiote, Cisse, DeJong,Goufrann,Williamson,Obertan, Marveaux andRivierewhothoughinjuredis painfully short. All ofthose players should havebeen moved on in thesummer and although£50m was spent on fourplayers only three are inthe side regularly and lastseason’s key buy De Jonglooks to be a peripheralfigurewho is failingto liveuptohisbilling.Cabellawasreturned to France fromwhence we have broughtinThauvin who despite anearly flicker at Man Utd
and against Northamptonin the League Cup lookscompletely ineffective. Justtoaddtothegloom,HatemBen Arfa looks reborn atNice.Sighs!
We’ve been told that thetask of rebuilding Unitedwill be done over threewindows and hints havebeen dropped that theclub will be active in theJanuary window. McClarenhas spoken about theneedtobring inprovenPLexperienced players andmaybe break the U-25rule in signing new talent.However, it seems as ifthe Head Coach will havelittlesayinthenewplayerscoming in and there willbe no change to theCarr-Charnleyhegemonyinthatarea.GodknowswhatBobMoncur’s role is on thefootballboardbutitmaybe
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it is only marginally lessinfluentialthanMcClaren’s.
So,asthingsstandweseemto be a long way fromtop eight finishes and ifwe hadn’t been promiseddifferently it wouldn’t beunreasonable to supposethe “No Cups” policy wasstillinfullforce.
At the start of the seasonMcClaren asked for tengamesbeforeanyonemadeany judgements of whathe is bringing to theBlack&White planet.Withonlyone Premier League winin ten the former Englandmanager is now notunsurprisingly asking for afullseason.
Ithinkhemaygetit.
Charnley and Carr seemto have been fixated onbringing McClaren to SJPand simply set their facesagainst public opinion,adopt radio silence andhopeforthebest.WhetherAshley will allow hisinvestmenttoberelegatedtotheChampionshipintheseasonwhenvastamountsofmoneyarecomingdownthetubesasa resultofanastonishing new set ofTVdealsisopentodebate.
Ofcourse it isnomysterywhyweareinthisposition.There has been consistentunder-investment in theplaying staff extendingbackyearsandonesummerof half-decent investmentisn’t going to quickly roll-back a mad period of JoeKinnear as Director ofFootball and 12 monthswithout signing a singlefirst team player not to Follow Michael on twitter
mentionayouthacademythat continues to fail todeliver.Good players haveleftandnotbeenreplacedonfartoomanyoccasions.
The hope we had for aturnaround in the club’sfortunes in the summerarepainfullyunfulfilledandif we are in the same PLpositiononNewYear’sDaythenalarmbellsmightstarttoring.
As ever supportingNewcastle United is well,justbloodyawful!
Thoughtherearesomeraysof sunshine in Mag-Worldandyouarereadingit.
We’ve recently decided tobring our fanzine to youFREE of charge. It makesabsolutely no commercialor business sense for usto bring it to you FREEbutwell,that’sneverreallybeenamajorconsideration
in this caper since wepublished Issue 1 in 1999.Aslongaswecancoverthecosts then we’re fine. Wethinkwecanjustaboutdothat and it’s our ambitionto be able to continue todevelopwhatwedogoingforward.
What we do now knowhowever is that thereadership of this herefanzine is going to gothrough the roof and itsnot over-stating it to saywhat you are reading isquitelikelytobethemostwidely read fanzine in thecountry.
Naturally,thisisaNewcastleUnited fanzine and thatwill always continue to bethecasebutwedofeelasthoughthereisnon-specificNUFC related material inthese pages to attract aneven wider fanzine lovingcrowd who may not even
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beGeordiesorevenfollowUnited.That’sfineandyouareverywelcome.
With a hugely increasedreadership what we cannowoffertoourexpandingpool of writers is a hugereadership for you. Everywriter wants to be readand we think if you areinterested in dipping yourtoes into fanzine writingthenthere’snobetterplacethan here. Just drop me [email protected] andwe’llgetyouputtowork.
I keep telling myself thisAshley purgatory at ourclubcan’tgoonforeverbutit’sacolddarknightthatisdriving away thousands ofourfriendsfromthestands.
Bah,enjoythisissue.
Keep On, Keepin’ On…
Of course it is no mystery why we are in this position. There has been consistent under-investment in the playing staff extending back years and one summer of half-decent investment isn’t going to quickly roll-back a mad period of Joe Kinnear as Director of Football and 12 months without signing a single first team player
thru black & white eyesSat Aug 08 Nought likestarting a new seasonwiththemackems3downto an ‘already relegatedLeicester’ (according tomany pundits) within 20mins. Keep up the goodwork, Dick! Cattermolefor England etc etc.Swansea also look deadhandy at Cheslea in aPremier League openingdaythatremindsmethatthe league is still jampackedwiths**t.
Aug 09 Well that wasbetter wasn’t it. An outof sorts Southampton,fresh from the EuropaLeague on ThursdayshouldreallyhavebeatenUnited, spurning twogreat chances but itwould have been harshon Steve McClaren’s newlook United. ChancelMbemba turned up in atuxandheandWinjaldumlooked decent with thelatter scoring a bit of a
non-traditional worldlyafteracrossfromGabrielObertan on his weakerfoot. Somethingtobuildonatleast.Onthesameday Arsenal hilariouslylose at home to WestHam.
Aug 11McClaren’spatteris that SJP is good andwe could have gotten all3 from the opening day.Thatfirstwinwouldhavebeen nice but I left SJPhappierthanprettymuchthe whole of last season.We had a style of playand a plan. The pressreckonMitrovicisaradge.He is, but he mistimed atackle, he didn’t kneecapsomeoneandthenstampontheirface.Longseasonfor our Serb. If he’s anygood the press will bedesperatetodiscredithimandus.
Aug 16Duetotheresultand more importantly
the performance againstSaints, I decided to driveto Swansea in an 8-seattaxiwithamate. Advice:don’tevertrustNewcastleUnited as NUFC werewell beaten with DarylJanmaat getting two softyellows and Swansearunningouteasywinners.Gary Monk is letting hismouth go off saying wetried to kick them. He’sa prick and wrong as wedidn’t get close enoughtoSwansea tokick them,evenwith11men.IHATETHISCLUB.
Aug 17UnitedsignyoungFrench internationalFlorian Thauvin for areported £13 milliontaking our summerspending to over £50million. It’s not enoughthough. More needed.ACB,CF,CM are all musts.By my count we’vesignedColback andAnitain 4 seasons as genuine
CM’s….onlyatNUFC.
Aug 19 McClaren isconvinced United areoperating on a differentleveltolastseason.We’llsee, Steve. Win somegamesfirst.Heseemstobe getting on with localjournos a lot better thanhispredecessorsandIlikethe cut of his jib. DarylJanmaat says sorry. Itwould be much easier tostay angry at him if hewasn’tsobloodygood.
Aug 22 United draw atOld Trafford and couldhavenickedit.WeplayedclassandMitromightjustbe the newAlan Shearer.Performances come inallover thepark andStevenTaylor is immense. Ofcourseheisnowinjuredforthe season or something,but cheers for that onegame, Steven. The levelof application shown onthe game, compared to
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every game underCarverwas worlds apart. We’restill playing the 4-2-3-1 formation that simplydoesn’t work at NUFC,but I’ll take a point atMan Utd any day. Whatimpressed me most wasthe players didn’t panic.Thauvinwas inches awayfromwinningit.3pointscould have been crucialwiththisstartwehave.
Aug 25 United get their‘cuprun’underwayagainstleagueTwoNorthamptonare run out comfortable4 1 winners with youngThauvin having quite thegame. De Jong gets astart and is decent. It’llnever last as he picks upmore injuries than SAFCdo managers. We drawSheffield Wednesday athome in the next round.Ouryear?
Aug 27McClarenasmuchas confirms United’stransfer business is doneandhe’shappywith it. Ihave my doubts. Let’sseewhatispatteriscomeOctober and November.If he goes into ‘we needtospendinJanuary’mode– I have my doubts over
his credibility consideringthe positive noises he’smaking right now whenthe squad is still sorelylackinginmostareas.
Aug 29AndreMarriner isabadrefandMitroisoutfor3games.Balls.
Aug30Mostofthenationis talking about Mitrovicand NUFC and saying itwasadefiniteredandit’snicetoseesomeonestickupforArsenal.Hilariouslygoontohave3mensentoff in 4 days after theinternationalbreak,whichisnice.Unitedhavefaceda tough start and pickedup2pointsfrom4games.Not great, but signs ofencouragement. The realstuff comes when theplayers return for gamesagainst West Ham andWatford. Don’t let usdown,lads.
11 SepWorrying reportsthatCisseandTiotehavebasically downed toolsat United, both unhappywith their contractualsituations. I don’t eventhinkTiote is a footballeranymore but consideringMitro is a target for s**t
refs everywhere so Cisseneeds to stay fit andfocussed,hisallegedeaseat missing meetings andtraining – are caused forconcern.
14 Sep United aresmashed at a mediocreWest Ham. The 4 2 31 fomration with Anita(not good enough) andColback (only any goodfurther up the pitch) justdoesn’t work. It didn’tworkforPardew.Itdidn’twork for Carver and itdidn’tworknow.Itdidn’twork at Swansea and itdidn#tworkhere. Reallyitdidn’tworkathometoArsenaleitheraswefailedtohave a shoton target.SortitoutSteve.
17 Sep Daryl Janmaat’sbeen wheeled out to themediaagain.ThatmeansCharnley and Bishop arepanicking. Janmaat onlytalkstouswhenhe’sbeena)sentoffb)taskedwithexplaining why his teammates are so bad, in alanguagewhichhedoesn’tcall his own. Watford ismassive.ChelseaandCityto come. We’ve had arockhardstart,nowisthe
timetoperform.
19 SepWefailtoperform
21 Sep I’mstillraging
23 Sep I’vecalmeddownenoughtogototheSheffWedgame.Theybring6k.Fair play. We shuld havebrought 11 footballers.McClaren is a joke. Hedoesn’t know what he’sdoing. Sheff Wed make11changesandbatterus.They should have wonby more. Season over.ChesleaandCitytocome.PissoffMcClaren–giventhe job on the basis ofbeingGraemeCarr’smate.3winsinhislast20gamesasamanager.Weplayedthe same S**TE 4 2 31formationagain.S**TE.It doesn’t work.We haveno defensive midfielders.We have no fast players.Winjaldum doesn’t haveacluewherehe’splaying.Thewholethingisajoke.Whatafarce.
25 Sep McClaren issorry. Chelsea look wellbad though, they’ll stillhammerus.AtleastMitrois back. Charnley emailsusalltosaysorryandthatwe shouldn’t panic cos
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they’vegotthis.AyerightLee.Youclown.We’res**t.Again.Your boss sais thiswasn’t going to happenagain,andithas.
27 SepUniteddrawwithChelsea in a game weshouldhavewon.Colbackwasimmensebeforegoingoff at HT – played in hisproperMIDFIELDposition,not standing in front ofthe back 4. Mitro is sogood. He’s 21 and playsthe lone target man likea 34 year who’s droppeddown the leagues andplayed1000games–thatsoundsnegativedoesn’tit.Ifyousawhimplay,you’dunderstand. We threwaway 2 points though.Chelsea deserved nought.City away next, we’ll gointothenextInternational
break bottom. At leastMcClaren ditched theterrible formation. 7gamestoolate.
30 Sep A slim HBA istearingitupinFranceforNice.Damn,itwasmucheasier for everyone whenhe was an overweight,under performing prick.NowIwanthimback.
2 Oct McClaren reckonsour 2 up front will causeMan City problems andbelieves we can end ourEtihad ‘hoodoo’ in theleague
3 OctWe don’t. Aguerogets 5 in like 89 secondsor something. WelldoneSergio. The funniest partofitallisthatfor40minsUnited were class, andjustbetterthanCity.The
linemsan should neverofficiateagainafterrulingoutagoalfor20thatwasonside.Wecanblamethelino for the loss, but notshipping 6 in quick time.Thesquadhasnoleaders,noheart.There’spromisebut littlemore than that.We’re bottom after 8games,whatoddsonthatchangingallseason?
10 Oct Wales andNorthern Ireland qualifyfor the Euros. F***ingget in lads. Eachcountryhas a population smallerthan Longbenton andnowthey’reofftoFrance.What an achievement.McCalren reckons he hasthebackingofthe‘board’(isn’theonit???)
16 Oct TimKrulisoutfortheseason.Sigh.Sosickof
this.Unitedsittopoftheinjurytable,again.It’sthesame every year. Buyingcheapplayerswithcheapinjury records, the wholething with United feelspointless. Derby ticketshave come through. I’mnotarsed.Nooneis.
19 October Fat Samloses his first match atSAFCaheadof thederby.Sunderlandhardlyhave ashot.
18 OctoberWellthatwasgood. United score 6 athome since 2010. Wewinby4forthefirsttimein well, ages? Counterattacking football is theorder of the day as anexposedNorwicharetornto shreds by a rampantUnited. Mitrovic’s goalis just about the most
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attractive thing I’ve everseen. It’s a crucial winbecause,well,it’sthefirstbut also as this 6 gamesneedtoyield12pointsatleast to have any chanceofstayingup–andwe’vebagged 3. Sissoko wasinfuriatingly superb (isthere a better right sideintheleaguethanheandDaryl?).
Winjladum becomes thefirsttoscore4sinceSheareragainstWednesdayin’99.Mark Lawrenson says hedidn’tevenplaythatwell.Hedidplaythatwell.Hewas class. Also Unitedwereclass,waytoomanypeopleonaboutNorwichhitting the post twice.They were 5 2 down forthesecondone.
Sets things up nicely forthederby.
22 October The pre-derby bull-s**t machine
is in full flow with themackems on about theirrecent record and ourlot on about trying deadhardorsomething.Pleasejust don’t be s**t, again.Unitedhaveput ina fewdecent performances thisseason and next Sundayneeds to be one. Wealso shouldn’t be gettingbeatagainbythat lot,asthey’rejustsopoor.
McClaren says he’ll havea party when (if) we getto40points. Mostmagsare not amused after the‘top8’wasmentionedpreseason.Whatwillhedoifweget60points–4daybender?
October 23Me,tfEdandthe lads from ALS havea civil chat and a curryaheadoftheweekend.Theconsensus of the night:bothteamsares**t.
October 24 One more
sleep.BastardmiddayKOmeans early rises for allinvolved.
October 25Nope
October 26Wellthatwass**t, forentirelydifferentreasons. If anything, ithurtlessbutwassomuchmore galling after Unitedcontrolledthegamefromstart to finishand thanksto some inept refereeingofthehighest level–gotbeat.S**te.
Unlike the previous 5gamesnotasingleplayerdisgraced himself. I canseewhytherefgaveapen.Itwasn’tapen,butIdon’tblame the ref for takingthe easy decision. Whatyou can blame him forhis scandalously sendingoffColo.Weweredeniedacast ironpenaltyattheotherendofthepitchandit was a formality fromthere.Bastards.
United played well, the
new passing football
McClaren has persisted
with so much paying
obvious dividends and
really we should have
been2or3up. Itwasn’t
to be and Wearside is
in raptures. Relegation
beckonsforthemsurely.
October 28 Colo’s red
cardoverturned,correctly.
Can we play it again?
United are charged with
failing to control their
players over the decision
whichhasnowprovedto
beincorrect.Theironyof
itall
October 29JackColback,
ouronlyproperCM,isout
for months apparently.
Mint
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Optimism Thismightsoundalittlemental,butIdon’tactuallythinkthatthisseasonhasbeenasdisastrousasthemediawouldhaveusbelieve.Granted,wehavefailedtowinaleaguegamesofarandhaveonlymanagedthreepointsfromeightgames.ThrowinanearlyexitfromtheLeagueCupandthingsdon’tlooktoogoodonpaper,butIhavealreadyseenglimpsesofusplayingmuchbetterthisseasonthanatanytimeduringtheprevioustwo.Ihatetoacceptmediocritybut,Isupposeatthemoment,wehaveto.
The opening three gamesI didn’t realistically expectany points, so to get twowasabonusIthought.Sure,indaysgone,SouthamptonathomeandSwanseaawaywould be six easy points.Four at the worst. Butrecenthistorysaysdifferent;perhapstoughereventhese
days than visiting post-Ferguson Man U. AgainstArsenalathomeIthoughttheintentionsweregoodifnotnaiveanddespitenoteverreallythreatening,thefact we didn’t completelycapitulate after goingdown to ten men wasencouragingatleast.
AdmittedlytheWestHamandWatfordperformanceswerehugelydisappointing,andpointsdroppedagainstteamsweshoulddefinitelybe competing with.Therewere flashbacks to thelast few years watchinga lethargic, hapless shipsinking with nobody at
James Brown
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the wheel, either on thepitchoroff it. I’mnot forone moment suggestingthat all our failings, andthe capability to beterrifyinglyawfulattimes,have magically vanishedovernight.ThesecondhalfatCityillustratingperfectlythatthereisstillplentyofroomforimprovement.
The first half of thatgame however, we gaveCity problems and wereeasily the better teamat home to Chelsea. ThereturnofMitrovicshowedhowmuchwehadmissedhim, he’s obviously abit of a head case butI think we have neededthat in our game for awhilenow.The last time Iwasremotelyproudoftheplayers wearing the shirtwasbackwhenthelikesofNolan, Barton and Carrollwerestillknockingaround.Matched with a welcomeboost of pace and youthfrom the likes of Perez,Mbabu and Mbemba andamorecomposed looking
midfield pairing of Anitaand Colback, the balanceand shape of the teamlooksmuchmoresound.
Unfortunately,withyouth,thereisthedangerofheadsdroppingtooquicklywhenthings don’t go our way,and a lack of experienceand confidence to calmdown and rely on thebasics.Relinquishingatwogoal lead at home withthose first three pointstantalisingly close, andconcedinggoalseithersideofhalftimeinManchesterseemed to hit the ladshard.The best lessons arealwaysthehardesttolearnandwecanonlyhopetheteamwillemergestrongerandmoreresilientforit.
And I do quite likeMclarentoo;hewasn’tthefashionablechoicetotakethehotseatbuthiscareersuggests he is a managerout of the old-schoolwithout any unnecessaryflashandswagger.Healsothrives on developing a
team around the kind ofpotential we now haveat St James Park. If hecan get anything out ofWijnlandum, Thauvin andDe Jongwhilst continuingto push those that havealready impressed, wemight be on the way tohavingahalfdecentteam.These next two gamesafter the internationalbreakwillofcoursebethetruemeasureofhowthingsare going, and perhaps ina couple of weeks someof my positivity will bewaning.Hopefullythough,before the inevitable axestarts looming overhead,the manager can delivermoresignsthatthingsareactually moving in therightdirection.
P.S. Ignore everything you’ve just read. At the time of writing, Tim Krul has been ruled out for the season and, of course, the mackems have done their usual party trick of swapping managers just in time to beat us.
...the fact we didn’t completely capitulate after going down to ten men was encouraging at least.
Beforewelookatanythingelse,thehorribleandpainfulrealityisthatwehavelost6derbiesinarowandletin13goalsscoringonly1inreturn.Thatissouldestroyinganddepressingandisevenmoregallingwhenyoulookatthequalityoftheoppositionoverthose6games.Sunday’sgamewastheexceptionratherthantheruleinthelast6defeats.Iwokeupthismorningandstillcan’tbelievethatwelostagamewhereweplayedallofthefootballandlookedliketheonlyteamlikelytoscorefor47ofthefirsthalf’s48minutes.That,however,istheproblem.
On reflection, regardless
of whether you think it
was a penalty or not,
Collocinigavethechance
for an inexperienced
and weak referee to
give a decision that was
massivelyinfluencedbya
boisterous home support
behindthegoalandright
in his face. Never mind
Fletcher chuckinghimself
around like a rag doll or
whetherashouldercharge
isstillalegalchallengein
football,wegavehimthe
chance to give a penalty
when we were in charge
and bossing a weaker
team all over the park.
Whatcamenextwasthe
tf 14 www.true-faith.co.uk
TED EDWARDS
DERBY DISASTER
bollockspart.Thedecisionto send Collocini off waswrong, simple as that. ItwasarguablethatFletcherwouldn’thaveevengottothe ball, never mind hadthe‘opportunity’toscoreas he was heading awayfrom goal and any touchwouldhavetakentheballeither towards thecornerflag or out of play. Andfortherecord,IthinkthatElliot would have easilygot to the ball beforeanyone else and just fellon it. S**t decision andonethatincensedplayers,staff and fans in equalmeasure but again, wegavethe‘weakaspiss’refthechancetomakeitandthatreflectsbadlyonourdecisionmaking.Thecoldhard fact is that we lostthe second half 2-0 aswelleventhoughwewerestilltheonlysidetryingtoplayfootball.Anunmarkedmackematthebackpostforthesecondandahalf-heartedsofts**tepullingout of challenge leadingtothethirdwereallthingswhere we could havemade a difference – thatand Mitro missing at 1-0whichwouldhavemadeamassive difference. Don’tget me wrong, we wereunfortunatebutwedidn’thelpourjustandrighteouscauseontheday.
It’seasytowritethisstuffthe day after the gamemind you. If I’d written900 words yesterday itwould most probablyhave been 900 swearwordswithascatteringof‘mackembastards’thrown
in for good measure.Themain thing forme isthat we cut out the daftdecisions and play withthe kind of control thatweshowedinthefirst47minutes of the derby. Alittle cutting edge wouldbe welcome, especiallywith good investment inJanuary but if we aren’tcareful, we will be stilltalking about cominggoodall thewayupuntilwe are cut adrift in thebottomthreeandit’stoolatetodoanythingaboutit. Optimism is good butwe need results and weneed them soon. I thinkwe have a much bettersquad than last year butit has to start gettingwins in thebag.Thenextfew games offer us thechance to do that butenough talking – just getthreepointsregularlyandeverythingwillbealright.
As to the mackems,good luck to them butif they think they are ona roll based on Sunday,theyare sadlymisguided.Theyareaverypoorsidewith limited ability andan owner who seemsreluctanttokeepthrowinggood money after bad.We can put them to theswordinMarchandputafew things right but theyhaveapsychologicalholdover us at the momentwhichishardtobreak.Weneed a team with steal,good decision makingand the odd bit of paceand flair to create andtake chances. This gameisn’t complicated no
matter how complicated
peoplemakeitandhaving
football people make
football decisions at the
club would give us the
best chance of success
(radical thought I know)
but I’m not holding my
breath.Unitedneedtoget
on a roll and get out of
the s**te at the bottom
of the Premier League
table and do it quickly.
Otherwise,anotherseason
of relegation fighting
and misery will ensue.
If this keeps going until
Januarythen Icanseeus
haemorrhagingevenmore
supportandevenAshley’s
desperateliesonthefinal
day on Sky won’t make
anydifferencetotheway
people feel. This isn’t a
reaction to the derby
defeat at all but more a
realisation that we have
been more patient with
McClarenthananyrecent
manager I can think of
(especially at SJP) but if
wekeephangingoutHead
Coaches or Managers (or
whatever we call them)
out to dry, then people
will find something else
todowiththeirtimeand
money.
Put it rightbetweennow
andthenexttimeweplay
themandwhenwehump
them in March, we can
helpsecuretheirrelegation
instead of surrendering
another threepoints that
keepsthemup.
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www.true-faith.co.uktf 16
“Cisse has had it for me too. Given his chance tonight and buggered it up with an open goal.Shove your ‘lack of confidence’ up your arse”
ThiswastweetedbymeshortlyaftersufferingatextbookPardewhumping4-0atthehandsofSpurs.Perhapswithanelementofkneejerkangerattachedtoit,howeverIwasverymuchattheendofmytetherhearing‘confidence’excusesspanningforknockingontwoyearsasthereasonwhyourNumberNinehadfailedtoreproducethestunningformshowninhisfirstseasonplayingforUnited.
Fast-forward 18 months,and my feelings towardsCisse have not changed.The ‘confidence’ excuseshave eventually subsidedfrom his staunchsupporters, as they comeround to the fact thatCisse’s huge flaws inconsistency are actuallydowntoanallroundlackofability.Addtothattheplayers well publiciseddiscontent of being onTyneside currently, andhisfeature inthestartinglineup has been overstayed.
BeforeIgetcriticisedforbeing too overly criticalandunappreciativeoftheSenegalese striker, I feelit important to provide acertain aspect of balance
to this argument. Cisse’sgoalscoring ratio sincesigning in 2011 is veryadmirable – albeit notamazing. 42goals in110appearances on the faceof it, demonstrates aplayerwitha real strikersinstinct. Infact-therewasastageinthelatterpartsof last season that he abetter minutes per goalratiothananyotherplayerin the Premier League.In truth – without thecontribution of Cisse lastseason, you could makea canny assumption thatwe would be plying ourtradeintheChampionshipthis season. Furthermore– I can happily say I waspresent at StamfordBridge to witness thebest goal scoring brace
in my living memory,whenCisse continued hisexplosiveforminthe lastenjoyableseasonwehaveexperiencedasfans.
LookingdeeperintoCisse’s‘contribution’ however,does paint a picture,whichisfarmorecomplexthan simply claiming wehave a top class strikeron our hands whom wecouldn’t live without.Weareastrugglingteam,andin a world where we arelooking to play a morefluid and passing gameunder McClaren (to veryvarying levelsof success),its crucial that we havea team of players whopossess technical ability,footballing intelligence,and quite simply-offer
COME IN NO.9 YOUR TIME IS UP RICHARD SMITH - Follow @richysmith100
more than just being a‘finisher’.OtherthanCissenot necessarily being theclinical finisher is goalsrecord suggests he mightbe (more on that later),helacksbasicskillsofnotjust a forward – but alsotop-level footballers. Iwatched the recent awaydefeat toWest Ham andwas astounded by thenumber of times I sawCissefailtoevenchallengeforheaders,hisreluctanceto attempt to bringmidfieldersintoplay–notto mention his ongoingpersonal confusion withthe offside rule. I agreethat the lone front manrole is not his bag, andquitefranklyitsdisturbinghowMcClarenstillappearsto have not fully caught
ontothis.However,whenIseeslightfiguressuchasAyoze Perez holding theball up with his back togoal with relative ease,I shake my head at thefactthatCissecompletelylacks competence inthis department. I sawAlexandarMitrovićatOldTrafforddropintomidfieldand run with ease withthe ball at his feet –making a fool of WayneRooney in the process,before distributing itwide to a midfielder.Cananyone remember thelast time Cisse looked ascomfortabledribblingwiththe ball? An absolutelyanonymous displayagainstWatford saw himhauled off at half time– largely driven by the
fact he failed to involvehimself in the game andwent into hiding. Thebottomlineisasastriker-if you aren’t getting theservice you want, youhavetohavemoreaboutyou in trying to makethingshappen.Forme itssimply not good enoughjust to chuck out thatexcusewhenthingsaren’tgoingyourway.Revertingback to my earlier point–therearealsoanumberofoccasionswhenCisse’sfinishingleavesalottobedesired.You only neededto have watched his firsthalf chances againstWatfordtorecognisethis.
In my end of seasonarticle for True Faith – Ievaluatedtheplayersthat
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An absolutely anonymous display against Watford saw him hauled off at half time – largely driven by the fact he failed to involve himself in the game and went into hiding
www.true-faith.co.uktf 18
Newcastle should moveon, and in looking at thereasons for calling it aday on Cisse, it was theplayersoverallunreliabilityfrom an appearancesstandpoint. Through acombinationofinjuriesandbrainless suspensions, ourmainstrikeronlymanagedtwenty-two appearancesin all competitions lastcampaign.ThishasbeenarecurringthemeduringhisoveralltenureonTyneside,with injuries in particularoftenaseriousproblem.Infact- as I sit here writingthis piece now, news hasfiltered through that theplayer has picked up aback problem which willsee him miss tomorrowscrucial cup tie againstSheffield Wednesday. Likeotherplayersinoursquad(Taylor, De Jong, Tiote) –our woeful performancein recent times has beenmassively hampered by araft of frequent offendersissuing sick notes at will.With a squad clearly stillunfitforpurposeincertaindepartments, we cannot
afford to rely on playerswith such poor fitnessrecordsagainandagain.
It has been heavilysuggested from variousquarters this past twoweeks that Papiss is farfromcontentonTyneside,andhasbeeneyeingupamove elsewhere for sometime.At the age of thirty,heprobably thinkshehasone last big pay day leftin him and the continuedlinkswiththeMiddleEastcertainly show there ismore than just a bit ofsmoke in those reports.The truth of the matteris – Cisse’s applicationboth on and (allegedly)off the pitch has furtherhighlighted a player who(like others in the squad)wouldratherbeelsewhere.This begs the questionas to why, with only acouple years left on hiscontract, did we not tryandcash inon theplayerandinvestinsomeoneelsethis summer? I’ve beenon record in this fanzinespecifying my admirationforCharlieAustin,andwas
desperate for us to makea real go of bringing theEnglishstrikertotheNorthEast.Austinpossessesallofthequalitiesofanoutandoutcenterforward.Abletohold up a ball effectively,comfortable running atdefenders, and with animpressivePremierLeaguegoalsreturn,playingfortheworstsideinthedivision
For what may seem likea fairly damning articleof our striker, it wouldbe remiss of me not toacknowledge Cisse’scontributioninablackandwhite shirt. He has beenanimportantplayerforusinwhathaslargelybeenatorrid period in the clubshistory, and in the main-he has demonstratedcommitment and passionfor the club. The timehas come however forus to thank him for hiscontribution and seek torecruit somebody with amore all round game andwho can give us the goalscoringcenter forwardweneedtodriveusforward.
For what may seem like a fairly damning article of our striker, it would be remiss of me not to acknowledge Cisse’s contribution in a black and white shirt. He has been an important player for us in what has largely been a torrid period in the clubs history
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Long standing true
faith writer, Tony
Higgins who regular
readerswillrecognise
from his Real Spain
articles has his first
bookoutnow.Travel
with Tony through
the undergrowth
of Spanish football
and life for only
£4:99.Onlyindigital
format.
EachseasonFCSt.PaulioftheBundesliga2.playanexhibitionngameattheirMilerntorStadiuminHamburg.FormallyithasbeenBesiktas(whichprovespopularwithGermany’shugeTurkishpopulation),andCelticwithwhomtheyhavefanfriendshipswith.
FC.St.Pauliusedthisgame
to try out a line up that
would look like the one
expected to face Arminia
Bielefeldontheopeningday
a week later after a series
ofwarmupgamesagainst
local sides as well as trips
to Austria and Denmark.It was announced, on theother hand, that RayoVallecano would field twoseparate teams of elevenforeachhalf.
Withjustover9000insidethe Milerntor, including
FC St. Pauli 4-2 Rayo Vallecano,18July2015-14:30-Millerntor-Stadion,Hamburg
a couple of hundredVallecano sympathisers,in good spirits enjoying arelaxed atmosphere withthe vast majority of fansenjoyingabeeronthesun-kissedstandingterraces.
Once the smoke clearedfrom the Spaniard’sflares the game wasunderwaywithbothteams
MICHAEL BRADLEY
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inexplicably wearing whiteshirts. St. Pauli controlledthe play throughout thefirst half with it certainlyshowing that they were afew weeks nearer the bigkickoff than their Spanishcounterparts. It took onlyseven minutes until somesharp but simple passingallowedSebastianMaiertotap in from close range.Pauli continued to dictateplay throughout the firsthalf with Sobiech andGuenter making it 3-0beforethebreak.
Despite the second halfstartinginmuchthesameway with Leonart Thymakingitfour,Rayofoughtback in the 51st and 71stminutewithRaulUcheandAlex Moreno respectively.Action amongst thisincluded two yellowcards resulting in a redfor descent for the sameRayo player in the spaceofabout20secondsandamissedpenaltyforSt.Paulias Halstenburg missed a
chance to make it five byputtinghispenaltywideofthegoalkeeper’sleftpost.
In an entertaining matchthere was much moreaction than I’ve come toexpect from most friendlygames you’re likely to goto. However, regardless ofwhatwasgoingononthepitch the organisation ofthe whole event that sawa stage set up for a postmatchconcertoutsidethegroundwherebothsetsoffanswereappropriatelyfedandwateredwithsausagesandbeer.Thefactthatthetwogroupsoffansweresoeagertoenjoyeachother’scompany is no surprisewhen you consider thecultures that surround thetwoclubs.
ThereareplentyofcolumninchesspentonFCSt.Pauliwith varying degrees ofaccuracy and ‘journalistic’license. For me, the storygoes, in short, somethingalong the lines that in the
late 1980s groups of leftleaning squatters, theirsupporters and a thrivingpunk scene began topopulate the terraces andhave since attracted fanslocally, nationally andinternationally who wouldalso like to be part of afanbasethatfightsagainstracism, homophobia,sexismand fascism inandoutside of football. That’snot to say that theydon’tdraw the majority of theirsupportlocally(foramoredetailed history take alook at Nick Davidson’s‘Pirates, Punks & Politics’).Theclub,alongwithvariousfan groups work tirelesslyonprojects supporting theimmediate community.Similarly, it was widelyreported last Novemberthat Rayo Vallecano havepromisedtopaytherentofan evicted local pensioner.They also have releasedtheir third kit this seasonwith their traditionalsash in rainbow colours
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Once the smoke cleared from the Spaniard’s flares the game was underway with both teams inexplicably wearing white shirts. St. Pauli controlled the play throughout the first half with it certainly showing that they were a few weeks nearer the big kick off than their Spanish counterparts.
of which £5 of each salewill be split among anti-discrimination charities.Anti-fascist flags wereprominent within bothsets of support, andalwaysare.
DespitebeingworldsapartI can’t help but comparethese two clubs withNewcastle. Particularly inthetimeMikeAshleyhasbeenatthehelm.
Since 2007 Newcastlehave been relegated,they have renamed thestadium, put a legal loanshark over the sacredBlack & White stripes,refused to compete incup competitions andmanaged to qualify forEuropeonlyonce.
Whilst Rayo Vallecanoand St. Pauli work with,service and representtheir communitiestremendously, even if itishelpedbythefactthatevery club in Germany
must be owend at least51% by it’s members.BackonTyneside,theclubis run foronepersonandone person only: MikeAshley.Weatheritspurelyfor financial gain or hisownpersonalegooramixofthembothIdon’tknow.The fact is that the waythe club has been run issimplynotintheinterestsof its supporters or thecommunityitismeanttorepresent.
Mike Ashley is an uglysymptom of the PremierLeague and the sickeningamountofmoneyinvolvedin it. In return for thisI’m lead to believe thatwe get to see the bestplayersinthebestleagueintheworld.Thequestionfor me is: Is it all worthit?SinceAshleyhasbeenatUnitedduetominimalinvestment in the squadthey have had just onegood season. This meanswe are getting the bad
sideof themoderngamewithout the promisedcompensation you wouldexpectasafan,especiallyfrom one of the richestmen in thecountry.WiththisinminditisabsolutelynosurprisethatclubslikeNorthShieldsnowattractaheftyandvocalfollowingasmanyNorthTynesidershave found somewhereelse to display their civicpride within football. Iloved seeing the teamandfanschanting“NE29!”aftertheirFAVasesuccessatWembley.
Don’tgetmewrong.IhadagreattimeinLisbonandBordeauxasIknowmanyothers did in Brugge,KharkivandMoscow,anditismygenuinebeliefthatthere is nothing betteras a fan to travel acrossEurope with your matesto watch NewcastleUnited. We must surelyadmit now though, thatthat isn’t something that
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it is absolutely no surprise that clubs like North Shields now attract a hefty and vocal following as many North Tynesiders have found somewhere else to display their civic pride within football
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interests those in chargeatNUFC.
Even when the ownerhimselfhascomeoutandsaid he isn’t leaving untilthey win something allI hear is that he’s notleaving. Especially whenPremier League moneycontinues to increaseto more and moreastronomicallevels.Attheendoflastseasonhecameon TV and spoke to us.A one-way conversationafter months of requestsfor genuine progressivecommunication justdoesn’tcutit.
I know many are justgoing out of routine,that’s what they do atweekends, and that’s justfine apart from us, as afan base, deserve morethan that. I know I don’tneed topatroniseyoubyexplaining or persuadingyou to believe that SkySportsandtheirsocalledexperts are a long way
off the mark when theyrefertoNewcastlefansasbeingdemanding.
Many fans have packedit in or pick and choosewhich matches to goto and are ironicallyreluctant togiveup theirseasonticketsdue to theamount of loyalty pointstheyhaveearnedovertheyears.
St. James’ Park and it’scommunity of supportersare awash in a sea ofmalaise created bytelevision money viaMike Ashley. We have aproud tradition of greatplayers and a fantastic,passionate fan base. RayVallecanoandFCSt.Paulialso have a passionatefan base even if theydon’t have a history ofparticularly great playerslike United do. However,they have something wedon’t.They can be proudof their club right now,in this moment. They
have a foundation uponwhich they can make adifferencetothedirectionin which their club goes,and this is something St.Paulifanshavehadtofightfor on many occasions.As Newcastle fans wedon’t have any of this.Evenwithoutthepoliticalangle, I would love oneday to see the club treatitscommunitywithsomekind of respect.As clichéas it is, the club meansnothingwithoutus.
Idon’tknowexactlywhatstepsshouldbetakenbuttaking a leaf out of RayVallecanoandFCSt.Pauli’sbook certainly wouldn’tdoanyharm.Anicestartwould be investment inthe squad that reflectsupporters’ ambition andtheowner’sbankbalance.
Another thing I don’t know: What’s the point in being a supporter of Mike Ashley’s Newcastle United?.
They have a foundation upon which they can make a difference to the direction in which their club goes...
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Me?AfterfallinginlovewithfootballwhenEnglandwontheWorldCup,myDadtookmetomyfirstNewcastleUtdgameonApril27th1967asabirthdaypresent.ItwasmoretoseeWestHamatSt.JamesParkbecausetheyweremeanttoincludeBobbyMoore,MartinPetersandmyfirsteverhero,GeoffHurstthanthehomeside.Unitedwon1-0,butmymemorytellsmeatleasttwooftheWestHamtriodidn’tmakeanappearancethatday;butthehugenoisycrowdmadesuchadeepimpressionthatkeepsbringingmeback48yearslater.
tf BOOK REVIEW
Touching Distance, by Martin Hardy
Mythirdgamewasthefollowing year whenhe took me to RokerPark for the Derbymatch when JohnMacNamee swungonthecrossbarattheFulwellEnd;talkaboutabaptismoffire!
The following 45years have seen alotmoredownsthanups. For most of mylife,‘we’weremostlya yo-yo club; withsuccessive boardsof directors beingfinancially happywith the big gatesthat a relegation/promotion battledrew at SJP; ratherthan investingtheir own moneyto compete withthe ‘big lads’. As aNewcastlefanIneverexpected anything
else other until….. untilKevin Keegan signed forTheToonin1982!
Martin Hardy’s bookTouching Distance beginswith KK’s magical debutagainst QPR then goeson to tell the tale of themagnificent blip in theclub’shistorythatfollowedthedaySirJohnHallshookthe world of football byannouncing that KevinKeegan would replaceOssieArdilles as managertenyearslaterin.
Anex-Seasonticketholder,MartingivesusanewangleonalotofthestoriesthatarenowpartofGeordiefolkloreby getting the players, theChairman and a couple ofperipheral characters tore-tell these tales from aninsidersperspective.
Thebookispartbiographyandpartthrillerbutmost
ALAN HARRISONFollow @harrisonaphotos
www.true-faith.co.uk tf 25
ofall a love story.A lovestorybetweenfans,aclub,agroupoffootballersandmost of all a charismaticmanager that wasreciprocatedinawayveryfew will understand andevenfewerwillrepeat.
Because the story isreally about four well-documented seasons,TouchingDistancegallopsalongatafairoldpaceinwhatliterarycircleswoulddescribe as ‘a real pageturner.’
Asonewhowas‘there’forthemajorityofthematches(home AND away), it’sfascinating reading theplayers’ perspectives onwhat happened before,during and after certainpivotalmatches.Myownmemory can be vagueat times; for instance Ialways thought Tino’sdebut was at AyresomePark, Middlesbrough but
thebookssays itwastheRiverside.Iwillbowtothemeticulous research putinbyMartinandthefontof all things NewcastleUnited–MikeBolamfromnufc.combutIwas100%sure.
Ihaveafewcriticisms;buttheypaleintoinsignificanceagainstthestoryitselfofaclub and a team writtenoff before a ball had beenkickedinanger.
Thefirstofmyannoyancesconcerns the amountof swearing litteredthroughout the interviews.I’m no prude and I wouldexpect the use of theF-word would have beenfreelyusedintheinterviews;but this book will be readbyUnited fansof all ages.So some judicial editingcouldhavefilteredalotofthatoutmaking itamoreaccessiblebookforyounger(andolder)fans.
Anotherthingistheuseofcapital lettersonthefirstline of each chapter, ora new subject regardlessof whether the actualsentence has ended ornot. It’s not the end oftheworld;butitmademyteethitcheverytime.
While I was alwaysappreciate Sir John Halland Freddie Shepherd’sleadership at this timesome of Sir John’s‘stories’ get betterwith the telling; andMartin takes everythingas verbatim, withoutquestioning anything.I realise that this bookisn’t a forensic appraisalof their management ofNewcastle United; butMartin comes across asa little bit star struckwhen interviewing theex-Chairman. Sooner orlater someone will writea warts ‘n all biography
The book is part biography and part thriller but most of all a love story. A love story between fans, a club, a group of footballers and most of all a charismatic manager that was reciprocated in a way very few will understand and even fewer will repeat.
www.true-faith.co.uktf 26
of this period in theclub’shistoryand that isanother book I’d love toread!
Last but not least is thevirtual airbrushing fromhistory the part thatfanzines played in theclub’s resurgence at thattime. In particular TheMag, which was at theforefront of everythingthat happened duringtheseyears,givingfansaforumforthefirsttimeintheir lives to discuss themachinationsoffollowingNewcastle United. Ourpremierfanzineonlygetsone mention and that’sfor selling the BobbyLee for England t-shirts.Personally I think anopportunity was missed
here; especially whenParalympian StephenMiller gets a chapter tohimself, as does GrahamFenton whose claim tofame was scoring a goalagainst us for BlackburnRovers; denting the titlechase.
Back to the good stuff. Igenuinelygotmistyeyedseveral times readingex-players talk abouttheir first impressions ofNewcastle andwhy theystillhavetheareaintheirhearts.
We weren’t short ofheroes in those fourshort years were we?DavidKelly,BrianKilcline,WarrenBartonandDarrenPeacock are virtuallyforgotten now; but all
played integral parts inNewcastle United atthat timeandget to telltheiroften-hilarioustalesagainnow.
Steve Howey’s story isparticularly poignant, asI’dgenuinelyforgothewasfromtheDarkPlace.Thenwe hear from Pavel whoI’d have thought playedevery game possible inthis period, but he wasactually the ‘nearlyman’ being Number2 to a variety of othergoalkeepers; includingTommy ‘The Barman’Wrightand‘Super-Duper’Mike Hooper as well asShakaHislop. Idareyoureadabouthisupbringingwithout sniffling; andwhen Clarkie gives him
I dare you read about his upbringing without sniffling; and when Clarkie gives him that ‘Pavel is a Geordie’ T-shirt it will have you punching the air with joy.
www.true-faith.co.uk tf 27
that ‘Pavel is a Geordie’T-shirt it will have youpunchingtheairwithjoy.
Strangely, there aren’t asmany photos here as I’dhave expected; but eachoneisabeautyandtookme back in time like aGeordieTardis.
The first two thirds ofthe book are a bit stop-start, going backwardsand forwards setting thescene for ‘that season’1995-96.
A couple of chaptersareabitdull; but that isonly when you comparethemtostoriesbySirLes,Robert Lee, Daveed andTino;buttheonethatwilltug at your heartstringsthemostisactuallyPeterBeardsley’s. I’ve heardPeter twice at talk-ins;but when his storiesare written down theyreallydograbyoubythethroat. When I read hischapter I annoyed Mrs’HbypausingEmmerdalethreetimesbecauseI‘hadto’ read several poignantparagraphs out loudto her. Who knew the
Forest Hall postie knewBeardsley was signingfor the Toon before hisparentsdid?
Then you eventually getto the final third of thebook.Theimportantpart,thepartofthestorywhichisabout‘thatseason’youknow,‘the12pointone.’
Once I got embroiled inthese chapters I couldn’tputthebookdownandatleasttwiceIfoundmyselfthinking ‘we can still dothis!’
When we get to thefinal two weeks; thegames come thick andfastculminatingwiththeaftermath of the LeedsUtd match and ‘thatTVinterview’Kevingave.
Terry Mac’s account ofevents is excellent ashe puts everything intoperspectiveafteralltheseyears. I’ve defended KK’sspeech hundreds oftimes,tellinganyonewhowouldlistenthatitwasn’ta melt down because itwas actually a ‘call toarms.’ Ifhe’daskedusto
invadePolandthatnight;wewouldhavemobilisedthe troops in BarrackRoad without a secondthought. Even Man Utdfansbelievemenow.
Well,historytellsmewedidn’t win the title butby golly gosh we gaveit a good go and wewon the hearts of everyfootball fan in the landandbeyonddidn’twe?
In every chapter and onever page every singleperson involved talkswithhugeadmirationandlove for Kevin Keegan;evenSirJohnHalladmitsto having to hand thereigns(andhis(Ed:“our”)chequebookover)toKK.
In the spirit of thoseyears Touching Distanceis a roller coaster of aread; and well wortheverypennyofthecoverprice. It may not winthe William Hill SportsBookPrizebutI’mprettydamn sure it will arrivedown tens of thousandsof Geordie chimneyscourtesy of Santa ClausonDecember25th.
AswellasenjoyingAlan’sreviewofTouchingDistanceyoumightbeinterestedinlisteningtothePodcastrecordedfortruefaithwiththeauthor,theTFeditorMichaelMartinandPod-Meister,AlexHurst.
The Author with Pav
More info at touchingdistance.com
Thejuryisverymuchoutonwhether his appointmentis a step forward for theclub.Itprobablywillbeforthemajorityoftheseason.Similar to the receptionthat greeted Alan Pardew(who was relegated withCharlton Athletic), manyare pointing to two ofMcClaren’s most notablefailures. Namely, thoseat Wolfsburg (a winpercentage of just 29%)and Nottingham Forest(23%winpercentage). It’sasimplestatementoffactthat all appointments area risk and that the vastmajorityofmanagershavefailures. Brian Clough wassacked by Leeds Unitedafter just 44 days. AlexFerguson came very closetodismissalatManchesterUnitedin1989.TosomeofthefansitseemsanythinglessthanJoseMourinhoisafailure.
A quick glance at variousfans forums and manywere lambasting the newboss for his commentabout Newcastle strivingto be back among‘Europe’selite’.Thisveneerof hypocrisy reigns trueamongstmanyNewcastlefans. IfMcLarenhadbeenmuch more measuredin his remarks, he wouldhave been lambastedfor the apparent lack ofambition that has beensymptomatic of theAshley reign.McLarenhasachieved much successat club level. He broughtMiddlesbrough to leaguecupgloryin2004(stilltheclub’sonlymajortrophytodate) and the 2008 Uefacupfinal.HewontheDutchleague title with Twente(the club’s only leaguetitleevertodate).Bothnomean feats with limitedresources. However, it is
important tonote thatatMiddlesbrough, McClarenhad a very supportivechairman in SteveGibsonto rely upon during moretesting times. Incidentallya chairman that wasvery much open todialogue with supporters,something Newcastle hasgoneaboutrectifyingwiththe monthly email fromSteve McClaren aboutrecent goings on at St.James’Park.
What really causedmuch divisionamongstthefanslast season, andthatappearstohave carriedinto thisseason,wasthe former‘ P a r d e wOut’ brigadeall but vanishedonce the glaringly
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TOUGH CROWD
THOMASMORRIS
We received this piece just after the Southampton game and although a bit of water has gone under the Toon Bridge since then, we still think it’s worth a good read as it is a very well-written piece and a good argument.
Theaftermathofasummer,whichasMikeAshleypromised,wasnotdevoidofactivityatNewcastleUnited,beganonSundaywithacredibletwoalldraw against last season’s surprise package, Southampton. Any residualsympathy for thememoryof JohnCarverandSteveStonehadvanishedquickly with an encouraging first half display. New signing GeorginioWinjdalumquicklyendearedhimselftothefanssoonafterhalftimewithaquite sensationalheader.Despite this,newmanager, sorryheadcoach,SteveMcClarenseemedtobefranticallyreachingforthephoneateverybreakinplay.RumourshisGeordieaccentisalreadyalmostasbroadofPaulGascoigne’shaveyettobeconfirmed.
The reception that greeted the players at full-time seems to suggest even the permanently disillusioned are willing to give McClaren time and at least a small chance.
www.true-faith.co.uk tf 29
obvious inadequacy ofJohn Carver becameapparent. Ludicrously,many have now tried toclaim they only wantedPardew to depart onthe assumption thatCarver was not to be thereplacement.Thisissimplynot true. The receptionthatgreetedtheplayersatfull-timeseemstosuggesteven the permanentlydisillusionedarewilling togiveMcClarentimeandatleastasmallchance.
The problem McClarenfaces is one of approvalandaspiration.Someofthedelusional and idealisticvisions are beyond allproportionality andrealism. Older observerswill point to times pastwhentheclubwasinmuchasimilarposition,suchtheGordon McKeag years.Yes, Kevin Keegan wowedus all and surpassed thefans wildest expectationsof achievement, butit is highly unlikely anymanager could replicatethis consistently in thecurrentclimateoffinancial
inequality, despite glibpromises from Ashley.The 5th placed finishunder Bobby Robson,was at the time seen asabject failure, memoriesof beating Juventus theprevious season still alltoo vivid. As one fanzinebluntly put it some yearsago, wouldn’t we all killfora5thplacefinishnow?(Didn’t someone achievethatforNewcastlenotsolong ago?). The questionis, and always will be,whatmanagerbetterthanPardew,andnowMcClaren,would have realisticallytaken a position to workunder who they see as ademonstrably unreliabledictator such as MikeAshley?
The size of the club andpassion of the fans is notenough to woo would bemanagers in the modernclimate. Ultimately, whenit comes to enticing newmanagers, it breaks downto three key facets. 1).to what extent will themanager have control oftransfers and 2). What
level of funds will beavailableand3)whatwageceiling, if any, is in place?In the case of Newcastleand many other premierleague clubs, there existsa transfer committee,whichledbyGrahamCarrhas achieved reasonablesuccess in the last fewyears. Many managersin our recent past, forexample Graeme SounessandSamAllardyce,provedutterly incompetentwhengiven a free reign ontransfers.Butthenagain,itwasDenniswisewhogavetheclubXiscoandIgnacioGonzalez. McClarenappears to relish the roleof Head Coach. Perhapsthetransfermarketcanbean unwelcome distractionfor managers. Is it justcoincidence Arsenal havestruggled in the yearssince David Dein left theclub and Wenger had anincreased workload intermsoftransferdealings?
This samequestionaboutMcClaren’s suitability canalso be applied to MikeAshley. Do the fans really
The problem McClaren faces is one of approval and aspiration. Some of the delusional and idealistic visions are beyond all proportionality and realism.
wantanythingbutAshley?The profligate waste thatwent on under FreddyShepherd, is all too oftenforgotten. A man who‘bleeds black and whiteblood’ paid himself ahandsome salary, all thewhilesneeringatfanswhobought replica shirts, tobring the club the brinkof total financial oblivion.Whilst Ashley has hisshortcomings,appointingaformer,albeitunsuccessful,England manager hardlycontinues the perceivedlack of aspiration whichhas dogged his tenure asownertodate.
It isoften trottedoutbutonethinksoftheplightofLeedsUnited, the starkestexampleinEnglishfootballofhowoverambitionandlack of financial prudencecan have dire and farreachingconsequencesfora football club.The hatedKen Bates discarded, fansexpectations rocketedwith the takeover firstlybyGFHfinancethenlaterby Massimo Cellino. 12months and 4 managers
since Cellino’s arrival, theclubisarguablyinamuchworse position now thanwhenBatesleft,maroonedinthesecondtierofEnglishfootball indefinitely itseems.
Seasonaftersorryseason,theaccusationisfrequentlylevelledattheclub,andbyimplication its owner, bythe fans is that they areunique in being a ‘selling’club.Are they really?Thefact is, outside of RealMadrid,Barcelona,Chelseaand possibly the twoManchesterClubs,allclubsareultimatelysellingclubs.Lookattheplayersarsenalhave sold over the years,Vera, Henry, Llundberg,Over mars, Fabregas, VanPersie tonamebuta few.These all-encompassingfranchiseshavethefinancetobuyplayersfromusdueto their massive financialclout. Manchester Cityare backed by sovereignstate for goodness sake.ThisleadsontoMcClarenbeingaccusedyetanotherinalonglineof‘Yes’men.Without meaning to
patronise, Mike Ashley istheirbossandtheirworkingunder conditions theyagreed to. Football is anindustryandmanagementis simply a type ofemployment within saidindustry. As anyone whohas worked in a stressfulenvironment will testify,constantlyraisingpointsofgrievance with your bosssoonendswitha letter inthepostentitled‘P45’.
All that said, there is aglimmer of hope amidsttheabyss.Therewasarealzest and tenacity to theperformance on Sunday.Whilst I am in no waytrying to excuse Ashley’sfailures at Newcastle,McClaren should not bethe figure fansvoice theirdiscontentatforthis.
The opening game, and also McClaren’s reputation suggest that he is, at the very least, deserving of time. Something Mike Ashley has afforded his last two managerial appointments.
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This same question about McClaren’s suitability can also be applied to Mike Ashley. Do the fans really want anything but Ashley? The profligate waste that went on under Freddy Shepherd, is all too often forgotten.
Charles Dickens, author ofthequoteasyouallprobablyknewbeingdeadwellread,didn’tthinkmuchofpeoplewho threw their hands intheairwhenthegoinggottough,andthenthrewtheirhatsintheairwhenthingswereabitbetter,andthenworried theirselves daft bycomparingwhatitwaslikethenwithwhat itwas likenowandgettingallhuffy.
So,Newcastle…Itmightbetheteamcoloursbutmaybe,justmaybe,especiallyinthe“EPLera”wecanbeseeingthings a bit too black andwhite?
Here’smyperspective.Feelfreetodisagree.
NewcastleUnitedhavenotbeen a domestic trophy-winning side in 60 years.60 years! And I’ve beengoing to games for just
over40of themand livedin hope, enjoyed games,hated games, laughed,blubbed(yep,whenRobertLeescoredintheWembleyFA Cup Semi-Final), andshook my head so oftenit’samazing Idon’thaveaknackered neck. Oh holdon,yesIdo.
When I started followingthe club that wove itselfinto my life, it was withthe flush of excitementof entering a world thatwasopeningupbeforeme:adult, masculine, earthyand addictive. This waswhatdadsandladsdid,thiswas what interested them,this was what glued themtogether. With it came awhole culture and way ofbeing.Itseemedtobehowblokes communicated butavoided any awkwardnessof what we might in amodern way call intimacy.
“See the match?”, “Aye,terrible,terrible”meantthatoneofyouwaslookingoutfor theother,and that theotherwasaliveandkickingabitmorethanhalfoftheUnited team. That wasenough.
Before you think I’mexcluding half of thepopulation, I’m not. Mysister went too, but she’dsay it wasn’t the samefor her and she was theexception among her pals.Itwasveryblokey.
So,IsortofknewwhatIwasgettingmyselfintoin1974whenIwenttothefirstofwhat is now hundreds ofmatches. (3rd January FACup 3rd round – we drewagainstnon-leagueHendonand had Pat Howard sentoff.Ishould’veknownbetterreally). From that day on,matchdaywasalwaysabig
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HavingbeengivenaworkingtitlebytheeditorwiththestartofaquoteIhalfknew,IthoughtIshouldlookitupandseeifitledanywhere.Abroaderquoteis
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,…it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us”.
The Worst of Times?Martin Lewis
So, I sort of knew what I was getting myself into in 1974 when I went to the first of what is now hundreds of matches. (3rd January FA Cup 3rd round – we drew against non-league Hendon and had Pat Howard sent off. I should’ve known better really).
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day out with my Dad, butwith an under-performing,inconsistentteamwhohadflashesofbrilliance,playingin a stadium which let’sface it wasn’t very goodeven for thosedaysof theearly70s.
But what was remarkableand intoxicating was howthe whole city came aliveon match days. The cityseemed to be comingtogether,arealcommunity– more than that:GeordiePride. Everyone andeverywhere was geared upforand into thematch, toinspect theoppositionandlet them know they wereinourcityand–outwardlyfriendlyaswemight seem–thatwewereatoughlot,workedintoughindustries,and were rightly proud ofourplace intheworld. ItwasSaturday,3pm,andwewereupforit.
EventhoughIwasamisty-eyedladoftenwhenIwenttomyfirstmatch,theideathatweweretheclubandthat theplayersplayed foruswasalreadyingrained.Iknew that they might bebetter footballers than myDad,buthedefinitelywasa
betterengineerthanthey’dever be and that probablymatteredmore inthe longrun. It was pretty clearearly on that it matteredwhatthecrowdthoughtofwhowaswearingtheblackandwhitestripes,andthatthe crowd didn’t come toa “cathedral” to “worship”as we are encouraged tobelieve these days, butto watch a match andexpect the players to begetting on with it. Thereweremutteringsaboutthemanager, chants aboutthe Board, WestwoodOut, and earnest debatewhether we played betterwhen MacDonald was outinjured.ButwhenIstartedgoingtomatchesitwas47years since we’d won theleagueanditwasgenerallyacceptedthatwewerejustnot a league-winning club,and the Cup after 1974was seeminglybeyondourcapabilitiesaswell.
So, what was the point ofthat trip down memorylane?
I reckon, with a club thathas–let’sbehonest–notwonanythingdomesticallyfor60years,thereasonfor
supporting it is to remindourselvesthatNewcastleisa city still worth shoutingabout.
Yes,Istarttheseasonswithhopes of a team that iscompetitive,andhavebrief,faint, wilder dreams offinishing4thandqualifyingfor theChampions League,bringing myself downin stages by laughablythinking of us winning theCup,andthenadjustingto“a decentCup run”, and atop ten finish. The teamfor the last 20 years hasbeen much like 1974 –frustratingly inconsistent,some good players andsomejourneymen.Sofromthat point of view, it’s notreally the worst of times,it’s justslightlyworsethanitissometimesandslightlybetterthanothers.
ButwhatIdon’trememberfromdaysgonebyisworriesabout the suitability ofshirtsponsors,whethertheowner should be providingmega-funds or “branding”thestadium(didIreallyusethatphrase?),ormetryingtoworkoutwhatdayoftheweekitiswhenwatchingatamatch.
HE’D DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT AT THIS EARLY STAGE. CHRIS MORT WAS SPEAKING TO PEOPLE. WE WERE OPTIMISTIC...
The team for the last 20 years has been much like 1974 – frustratingly inconsistent, some good players and some journeymen.
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And this is where it isperhapsTheWorstofTimes.The club is run in a waythat is not only detachedfromitssupporters,butrunin a way that seems (inmyopinion) tobeactivelyinsulting – the pollutionof high-profile advertisinglogos on the stands beingjust one example. Itis not acknowledgingand respecting why wesupporters get together –tobetogetherandtowatcha team that represents us,wearingthecitybadge,andwearingourcolours.
Andthecitydoesn’tgearuplikeitsoldroutine,it’salmostrandom, it’s fragmented.It’s Saturday at 3pm? Noit’s 12.30pm, no 5.30pm,no Sunday at 1pm, 4pmwhenever, Monday night,andit’sonSkyanyway.
It’sobvious fromheadlinesandtheamountofmoneychanging hands that thegame of football is outof control. Not just ourclub, but our league, andthe top governing bodyFIFA itself. At the higherlevelsofthegameinwhichourclubparticipatesit isaglobal business which is a
merry-go-round of money,spun with “drama” and“excitement”.
While I veryearly saw theaddiction of going to andbeingatthematchtobepartofsomething,wesupportersarenowconditionedbythemedia to be treated likefools addicted to drama,moved on from fix to fixby media hyperbole. Weare conditionednot to actlike responsible straight-thinking adults. In whichother business would amanager who head-buttedarepresentativeofanothercompanynotbesackedforgross misconduct? It’s nosurprise that some long-servingsupportershavehadenough.
But the media just don’tget it. Football is notmelodrama, Special Ones,or whatever. It’s a sport.It is an important way ofbringing a communitytogetherinawaythatonlysport can. And Newcastlethe city, the region, areworth getting together for.Newcastle United is notirrelevant, it doesn’t existfor global marketeers. Itexistsforus.
My reason for still turningup at matches is that I’velivedalong,longtimeawayfromTynesideandif Istopgoing I lose one of theremainingconnectionswiththearea.Igotothematchbecause I still want to bepartofthatcommunity,it’spart of who I am. I takemy 4 children because Iwant them to be part ofsomething other than theworldchannelledthroughascreen of conditioned andcontrolled images, and forthemtoworkoutthatrootsandcommunitymatter.
And it works: when Iwavered once and askedwhetherweshouldkeeponkeeping on – my wise 14year old at the time toldme“It’swhatwedo,Dad.”
Times may be testing onthe pitch at the moment,but that’s temporary. Therealconcernisforthesoulof this football club andfor football as a sport atthe highest levels. Ignorethe false dramas, don’t beplayedforafool,rememberwhy our club was set up,and focus on one thing:Newcastle.United.
I go to the match because I still want to be part of that community, it’s part of who I am. I take my 4 children because I want them to be part of something other than the world channelled through a screen of conditioned and controlled images, and for them to work out that roots and community matter.
TheEditordropsmeanemail‘write1200wordsaboutNolan’spotentialmovetoSunderland’.Ok.I’mgoingtoneedsomethingtohangthearticleon.
Right, plan ‘A’; scourthe Internet, find
anys**teonhim,and label himthe traitorous
bastard he is. Itrawled Google using alltheappropriatekeywords,‘Nolan,backhanders,diving,lazy,disruptiveinfluenceindressingroometc’.Result?Nothing.Nada.
Ok, Plan B; screwthelackofevidence,there’saprincipleinvolvedhere-wehavetohateanyonewhoplaysforSunderland, particularly ifthey’reexToon, right?LeeClarke?S**t!
Plan C; I’m struggling.Wait, it’s that bitch of awife that’s making him
do it! He says his homelife hasn’t been greatwhilstatWestHam.Hangon though, she’s happyto have her husbandwalk away from £50,000a week so they can behappier? Let me ask youa question - if your lasswalkedawayfroma£50kper week job, would itmakeyouhappier?Thisisan extraordinary woman.Anotherquestion- ifyoucame home and said tothe wife ‘there’s this kidat work who’s constantlyinbotherwith thePolice,soI’veinvitedhimtolivewith us for a while tosave him some jail time’.What would your wife’sreaction be? Yet Nolan’s
tf 34
JUDAS?KEVIN NOLAN:
www.true-faith.co.uk
PERRY WILSON
missus welcomed AndyCarrol with open arms.Incredible. This articleisn’tgoingwell.
Plan D; it’s the lure ofAlbania’s City of Culturethat’stheattraction.F***off.Howayman,think!!
Plan E; he’s a mediocreplayeratbestanyway, sowhogivesatoss?Hewasinvisible the first seasonheplayed forus.Thenhescored 17 goals to helpgetuspromoted.10goalsthenextseasonincludingthat hat trick against theMackems (I swear whenhe scored the third, helooked into my eyes andsaid ‘that one’s for youourkid’).Thenwegetrid,hegoestoWestHamandistheirtopgoalscorerin2seasons.Whilstnotbeingconsidered a ‘great’ (heneverplayedforEngland),he is a great soldier andan asset to any team.Mediocreheisn’t.
Plan F; He’s going to
Sunderland because helovesAllardyce. Now, I’venever metAllardyce, so Idon’t know the guy. Butreally?
Plan G; let’s take hisstated reason for leaving‘lackoffirstteamfootball’at face value. That’s thestatementayoungplayermakes who’s keen todemonstratehisabilitytohis manager/supportersor seeking selection tothe England side. It’snot a reason a 33 yearold midfielder with astuttering engine wouldgive. It is however, alsothereasonaguywiththestrength of character todeny his age, and believehecanstillcutthemustard.Andhemayberight.Godknows, I’d welcome himinto Newcastle’s midfieldfor one more season. Hisagewillmeanhe’llpickupmoreinjuries,buthe’sgotmore heart than the restof our current squad puttogether.
Nowcompletelybankruptof inspiration, I ask theguys in the bar for theiropinion.Notoneofthem(and I mean none ofthem,)hadabadwordtosayaboutthelad.
I just can’t believeSunderlandcanmatchhis£50kperweeksalary,butat his age maybe it isn’tallaboutthemoney.
Why leave London tolive in Sunderland? IappreciatethatMrsNolanprobably hasn’t been toSunderlandbefore,sowillbe blissfully unaware ofthethree-toedtroglodytesthat populate the place,but surely she knowsshe’ll be happier almostanywhere but there. UseGoogle Earth for God’ssake. He could commutefrom Merseyside/Londonifhewanted Iguess, a laMichaelOwen.
But why have the lastentry on your CV read‘relegated? Again, if
he should move to
Sunderland,it’llbebecause
he actually believes he
can make a difference,
thatbybeingtherehecan
prevent that relegation.
He believes in himself.
The badge on his shirt is
almostanirrelevance.He’s
playing for team Nolan
andalwayshasdone.
In conclusion, will he go
to Sunderland? I’ve no
idea. But should he go,
I’mconfidentthereaction
from Toon fans will be
positive.We thank Nolan
for his time as Captain
here and wish the lad
the best for him and his
family. And should that
day come when he steps
oncemoreontoStJames
Park, leading Sunderland
outontothepitch,please
haveafxxkingmareKevin.
So, Boss, you’ll have to
get someone else to write
the article, because I’ve
got nothing.
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JUDAS?
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BeforeSteveMcClarenwasappointedtothejobNewcastlewerelinkedwithalmostasmanypotentialmanagersaswehaveseenplayerstoutedoverthesummer.SomemighthavebeenabetterbetthanSchteveifthedecisionhadn’talreadylargelybeenmadebylastJanuary.Here’sapersonalviewofwhatsomeofthealternativecandidatesmighthaveoffered.
Patrick Viera: This onecame out of nowhere andwas greeted with a greatdealofenthusiasmbymostMags as evidenced by apoll in the Chron which
showed90%+infavourof his appointment.His lack of experience
was overlooked as itwasfelthischarismaandEuropean connections
might allow him toreplicate the success of
theKeeganyears.However,his job at Man City is tooversee the developmentofnewtalentandwhowasthelastyoungstertocomethrough the ranks in theblue half of Manchester?MicahRichards?Inrealityitwasprobablyaconvenientstory for both Viera andthe club. It allowed theclubtosuggestthatitwas
casting thenetwider thanSteve McClaren while itadvertisedthatVieramightbeavailableiftherightjobcamealong.Itdidn’tdohimanyharminhisnegotiationswithManCityregardinghisnewcontracteither.
Better than Schteve? Maybe, but completely unproven as a manager and a big risk with an important season coming up where staying in the Prem is vital for the future of the club. Just because it worked with Keegan doesn’t mean that Viera would be able to replicate that, particularly under the present set-up.
Here’s What You Could Have WonWALLACE WILSON
Follow @WallaceHWilson
Frank de Boer: Aserialover-
achiever as a player and
a manager, the possibility
of FdB coming to Barrack
Road after statements
about wanting to work inthe Premier League andrebuild a ‘sleeping giant’©Newcastle United causedagreatdealofexcitementamong tf cognoscenti. Agreat player for both AjaxandBarca,itwashisrecordas manager ofAjax whichimpressedashenotchedup4successiveEredivisietitlesbefore being toppled by aGino Wijnaldum inspiredPSVthisyear.Hisfirsttitlecameafterbeingappointedcaretaker manager inDecember2010witha3-1win on the final Saturdayof the season at home toFC Twente, the previousseason’s champions, whentheyweremanagedbyoneSteve McClaren. And hewent on to win the nextthree to prove it wasn’t afluke.
However, the strength ofcharacter which markedout de Boer as a playersometimes made himdifficult to manage. Hewent on strike to force a
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move from Ajax to Barcaand rode out the shameof being found guilty oftakingthebannedanabolicsteroid,nandrolone,winninghis appeal. Moreover, histime at Barca will also beremembered for his publiccriticism of the Germangoalkeeper, Robert Enke,after they were knockedoutof theSpanishCupbythird division Novelda FCin2002.Enkesubsequentlycommitted suicide in2010and this episode hasbeen held up as one ofthe catalysts which senthim into depression butit also highlights one ofde Boer’s enduring traits,his competiveness andunwillingness to acceptanything other thanpeak performance fromassociates. His players areleft in no doubt regardingthe level of performanceexpecttdofthem.
DeBoerisawinnerandTheidea of meandering alongtofinish10thintheLeagueandpickupthecashwouldbe anathema to him. Hewouldhaveexpectedtobesupported in the transfermarket him to compete.Maybe the recent signingssuggest he would havebeen given that supportbutmanystillremaintobeconvinced that there hasbeen a significant changeto‘themodel’ inoperationatSJP,certainlynotenoughtoaccommodatedeBoer.
Better than Schteve? Yes, definitely but it would have needed a handbrake turn within the current set up to accommodate him
Slaven Bilic: Bilic hada successful club andinternationalplayingcareerwhich included spells atEverton and West HambeforetakingoverascoachatHajdukSplitin2002.AftermanagingtheCroatiaU21shetookovertheseniorsidein 2006 where he ran upagainst Steve McClaren inthe Euro Championshipqualifiers, beating Englandhome and away to endMcClaren’s internationalcareer.
Bilicleftthenationaljobafterthe2012Eurostotakeoveras manager of LocomotivMoscow.Bilić’sfirstseasonas a manager ended withthe Lokomotiv’s worstleague result (9th place)since the establishment ofRussian championship in1992. Bilić was sacked on18 June 2013 but movedalmost immediately toTurkey, taking over thereins at Besiktas with athree year contract worth€4.8m. He left the clubwithout winning a trophyattheendofthe2014-15season to joinWest Ham.The Hammers were prettyexcitedabouthisarrivalbut,likemostEnglishfans,thatviewislargelyinformedbyhissuccesswithCroatia.Hisrecord at club level is lessimpressive.
Better than Schteve? Beat him home and away
at international level but his club record is not as impressive. Bilic seems to be developing a clubman’s comb-over which could endear him to older supporters.
Remi Garde: The initialfront-runner after beinginterviewed by the clubafter Pardew left. Afteroverseeing Lyon’s youthacademy, Garde took overasFirstTeamCoachjustasthe club were heading forfinancial meltdown, havingfailed to qualify for theChampions League. As aresulthehadtomanagethesales of important playerswhile trying to keep theclub competitive. The factthathelargelyachievedthismusthavebeenasignificantplusonhisCVbuthisdesireto bring his coaching staffwith him represented amajor obstacle at thetime as Charnley wantedto keep Carver, Stone etal in place (remember thiswas before the disastrousend of season – althoughsurely anyone watchingus over the last few yearsmusthavewonderedwhatwas happening at DarsleyPark). His knowledge ofthe French football sceneand reputation across thechannel might have beenmore important beforethe club decided to scoutout pastures new such as
Belgium, Holland, Spainand Germany. Garde alsohas a reputation as anindependent thinker whowillwalkifhedoesn’tgethisownway,somethingwhichwould not be appreciatedinthecorridorsatSJP.
Better than Schteve? Has nothing like the managerial record but might offer a different way of thinking and playing. His record at Lyon’s youth academy was excellent and he oversaw the development of players like Lacazette and Grenier who are now highly valued. Again, a risk but has a track record and maybe one worth taking.
Michael Laudrup: A trulyworld-classplayer,LaudrupwonleaguetitleswithAjax,Barcelona,RealMadridandJuventus. As a memberof Johan Cruyff’s “DreamTeam”atBarcelonahewonninetrophies,includingfoursuccessive La Liga titlesfrom 1991 to 1994, andtheEuropeanCupin1992.Laudrup moved to archrivalsRealMadrid in1994,withwhomhewonhisfifthLaLigatitleinarow.
Laudrup started hismanagerial career as anassistant with the Danishnationalteambeforetakingover at Brondby wherehe enjoyed both Leagueand Cup success, winningthe double in 2004-05.
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After failing to agree newcontract terms he left in2006, joining Spanish clubGetafein2007whohetookto the national Cup Finaland quarter-finals of theUEFA Cup, a considerableover-achievementforaclubof their size. After failingto agree a new contract,however, he left after justa year and joined SpartakMoscow in 2008. He onlylasted 7 months beforebeing sacked ‘for poorresults’.Laudrupwasoutofwork until taking over thereins at Mallorca in 2010wherehemanagedtorescuethe club from imminentrelegation. However, onceagain,his tenurewasshortlived as he resigned in2012 citing frustration atinterferencefromtheclub’sDirector of Football. Hewasn’toutofworkforlong,taking over from BrendanRogers at Swansea afterthe Irishman’s departureforAnfield.Hemadearaftofnewsigningspre-seasonincluding Michu, Chico,PabloHernández, Jonathande Guzmán and Ki Sung-Yueng.ThesigningofMichu
inparticularprovedinspiredas his goals pushed theSwansuptheleagueandin2013Laudrup led themtotheirfirsteverBritishtrophywhen they beat BradfordCity5-0intheLeagueCupFinal.However,aftermuchspeculation regarding hisfuturewherehewasforeverbeing linked with ‘bigger’jobs,LaudrupwassackedinFebruary2014afterapoorrunofresults(6defeatsoutof 8 – not quite Carver).In June he was appointedmanager of Qatar StarsLeague Champions,Lekhwiya, who he led toa record League and Cupdouble before leaving inJunethisyear.Currentlyoutofwork.
Better than Schteve? His reputation as a player undoubtedly helps to attract players and he has won titles in the minor leagues of Denmark and Qatar. However, his achievements with Brondby, Swansea and Getafe are probably more analogous to those at Middlesbrough and FC Twente. However, although his managerial
career has been successful he does have a tendency to walk after a year or so in post so would probably be regarded as too much of a risk by the SJP hierarchy.
Thomas Tuchel: After anundistinguished playingcareer cut short by injury,Tuchel started to makehis name when he waspromoted from the YouthAcademytobecomeHeadCoachatFCMainzshortlyafter their promotion tothe Bundesliga in 2009.In the 2010–11 season,Tuchel coached Mainz toseven wins in their firstseven games, including anaway victory over BayernMunich.The team finishedfifth and both Schalke 04andBayerLeverkusenmadeapproachesforTuchelinthelatter–halfof the2013–14season.Tuchel followed uphissuccessbyleadingMainz
to a UEFAEuropa Leaguespot during the 2013–14season after finishing theseason in seventh place.[6] Tuchel asked to bereleased from his contractprematurely and left thepositionofHeadCoachon11 May 2014. However,Mainz refused to releasehim from his contractwhich meant that he wasunavailable to take overanywhereelseuntiltheendof last season..He finishedhis Mainz career with arecordof72wins,46draws,and64lossesbutitwastheway he built the club anddeveloped a club culturewhich marked him downasacoachtowatch.Itwasno surprise that BorussiaDortmund appointed himto replace Jurgen Kloppafterheresignedattheendoftheseason.
Better than Schteve? Tuchel stands 6ft 4 and is an impressive figure when interviewed. He brings a new approach to the role and would have overseen a complete revamp of the way the club is run as he did at FC Mainz. Many
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people think that is still needed but the current hierarchy probably think he is too much of a risk, having only had success at one club. It could be a one-off or he could be the next Jurgen Klopp. Although the potential risks are high the rewards could be equally massive.
Di Matteo: A successfulplayerinItalyandEngland,latterlywithChelseaitwastodiMatteo’screditthathewaspreparedtoslumitwithMilton Keynes Dons whenlearning his managerialcraft. He took the Donsto a League One play-offsemiinhisfirstseasonbutlost to Scunthorpe United.Immediately after, he wasappointed as the newmanager of West Bromfollowing their relegationfrom the Premier League(with us) in 2009. He ledthem to promotion at thefirst time of asking andmany will remember theway in which they playedtheir football that season,probably better than oursalthough we had otherqualities which led us towin the Championship infrontofthem.
Despite winning ManageroftheMonthforSeptember2010 on his return tothe top flight, di Matteowas sacked as managerin February 2011 after a
poor run of results. WestBrom finished the seasonin11thanddiMatteowasappointed as Assistant toAndreVillas-BoasatChelseainJune2011.Followingthedismissal of Villas-Boas inMarch 2012, di Matteowasappointedascaretakermanager. Incredibly heledthemtoaFACupandChampionsLeaguedouble,beating Barca in the CLsemis before turning overBayern Munich on theirhome turf. The 2-2 awaydraw in the Nou Campsemi and the draw in theOlympicStadiuminMunichwhich set up the penaltyshoot-out were tacticalmasterpieces. Althoughthere was a lot of talkof the players managingthemselves they hadn’tshownanysignsofdoingthatsinceMourinholeft.
However, the two yearcontract awarded to diMatteo after his victorydidn’t prevent him frombeing sacked just fivemonths later. The pill wassweetenedbythefactthathe continued to get paid£100,000pwuntilhetook
anotherjob.Notsurprisinglyhetookhistimeandwaiteduntil October 2014 beforetaking over at Schalke 04.Schalke were 11th whenhe took over and he liftedthemupto6th,althoughitwasjustarunoftwowinsintheirlast10gameswhichprevented them qualifyingfor theChampions League.Di Matteo resigned in theclose season and is stillwithoutaclubatthetimeofwriting.
Better than Schteve? A Champions League win and an FC Cup would suggest so. Even though it was achieved with better players they were under-performing before his arrival and, for all his magic, Mourinho has looked like winning the CL since. His record in Germany is better than Schteve’s and his sides play good football. Would have been an excellent choice.
Who else has been givena mention? Take yourchoice from Rafa Bentiez,Mark Warburton, BerndtSchuster, Harry Redknapp,JocelynGourvennec,DavidMoyes,MerceloBielsa,Sam
Allardyce or ChristopheGaltier.Youcouldevenhavea bet on Ant and Dec at500/1.Anyof thesewouldhavebeenanimprovementon the ‘Best Coach in thePremiership’whosedeludedramblings have recentlygraced the pages of theDailyTelegraph as he triesto punt himself to somedesperatechairman.
Couldwehavedonebetterthan McClaren? Probably,butitwouldhavemeantabiggergamblethantheclubwaspreparedtotake,evenunderAshley. McClaren isasafe(r)pairofhandswhowill be expected to getmore out of the currentsquad and integrate newsignings while sticking to‘the model’. The bettercandidateswouldnothavebeen prepared to acceptsuch a straightjacketand, until he was sacked,it looked as if McClarenhad his own reservations.Let’s hope if it all goestits up this time the clubhave a contingency planwhichdoesn’tincludeJohnCarver.
McClaren is a safe(r) pair of hands who will be expected to get more out of the current squad and integrate new signings while sticking to ‘the model’.
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Duringrecentyearsasourclubdriftseverfurtherintothemire,ithasbecomeclearlynoticeablethatNUFCand(moreinparticular)it’ssupporthavebecomeparticularlyunpopularasageneralruleofthumb.My work takes me to theSouth East on a regularbasis and experiencing thedisdain head on makesit all the more palpable.Someone down there ofactual intelligence said tome recently, “There’s only1 club can win the Prem,Nick. You boys just haveyoursightssettoohigh!!”
Toohigh?
We’d all snap your handsofffor4thbottom!
The thing that alwaysleaves me scratching myhead is, why? How canpeople in London or Brumor Manchester be evenbotheredtotalkaboutus?
The written pressOf course, during the mid90’sasKevin’sentertainers
maraudedupanddownthelanddazzlingeveryoneandnearly winning things, wewere the perfect package.You were pretty muchguaranteed a spectaclewhen Newcastle wereon Sky and you didn’thave to worry about usbecoming the next ManU and winning everythingin sight for a generation.Here, I think might be thefirst clue in our popularitydemise.
It’s an unwritten rule intoday’s Britain that thetabloid press will turn ontheir once favourite withall the glee of a fox in ahen-house given an iotaof a chance The amazingfootball and the medialauded atmosphere at St
Jamesinthosedays(havingbeen waxed lyrically todeath) clearly left manyscribesfromMerseysidetoThe Capital & beyond tostartthinking‘whodotheythinktheyare?’
As those golden daysstartedtobecomeadistantmemory, post Bobby andwith charlatans such asSouness, Allardyce etcfurther leading us downthe garden path, we hadbecomeatotal jokeintheeyesofthepopularpress.
The rise of the gobs**te / keyboard warriorTalkradiostationshavebeenpopular in the States fordecades.The phenomenontook root this side of thepondintheearly90’swiththe odiously, toad faced
The People’s Republic of Tyneside vs Talksport & the White Van Men of Essex.
Nick ClarkFollow @Clark5Nick
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DavidMellorandRadio5’s606.That is an institutionwhich is still going strongtoday. It’s rival, Talksportis a more dumbed downversion of the above. Forexample, a popular tactictoget thegreatunwashedapoplectic with rage isfor someone like Ian ‘TheMoose’Abrahams to statewith absolute certaintythatsuch&suchaplayerisutterscumfordecliningtoplay for his country whilsta brain donor like Darren‘Goughie’ Gough willdiametricallyopposehimbysaying that saidplayerhaseveryright......etcetc.Whatfollows is Dave, a whitevan man from Basildon,who ‘supports’ ManYooblethering on & agreeingwithoneort’other.Andon(and on) it goes. As asupport,wegetparticularlyshort shrift from this typeofmedia.Dave&hiswhitevancohortshaveusdownaspathetic moaning Minnies,ludicrously demandingsuccess and Barca stylefootball.
I find soap operas turgidand therefore I pay zeroattention to them. TheUnited of today are thearchetypalexampleinlongrunning soap storylines.FromFreddieandhistalesofSpanish bordellos to todayand the unscrupulous loansharks staining the Black
& White stripes to sweatshop allegations aimedat our darling owner’s tatemporiumbusiness.Youcanunderstand why a certaintype of punter may findallthistitillationinterestingandwhyweoffersomuchtotalkaboutforpious,yetsadistic lady battering exfootballers to drone onabout.
Social Media seems tofollow suit. Lonely32yearold virgins from Widnesget the horn from hidingbehind the moniker,Captain Fishtail and givingus ‘delusional’ six nowtfromthesupremecomfortandabsolutesafetyoftheirmum’s computer room ontwitteretc.
But here is my next headscratcher. Why do we, assupportersgetsomuchgrieffor having the temerity ofbeingunhappyatthetotalcircusofaclubwehavetoendurethesedays?
Hands up who has heardanyofthefollowing....?
Problem with the Jawdees is...
They want to win every game 4-3.
They want 11 Geordies on the pitch.
They got sir Bobby the sack.
They think they’re a big club.
They got Pards the sack.
They’re delusional.
Herearemyanswerstotheabove-andI’msuspecting95%oftherestofourfanbasewillagree.
1-0 will do me thank you. (Well, any win to be honest)
a few players with premiership experience would be nice.
Aye, because we really wanted a walking cliche like Souness to take us to the next level.
yes and no. Despite the fact we haven’t won a pot since just after the Cuban Missile crisis we do boast the 10th highest average attendance in Europe. And, if we are not in any way important why the f*** do you want to flap your gums about us in the first place?
Yes, we couldn’t bear his toadying to Ashley, his awful record, his square pegs in round holes selection policy, non-existent tactics and constant use of “we woz a frett”
BUT... He walked when he deemed a better offer had come along.
Please read the banner. We don’t demand a team that wins, just one that actually tries
Alloftheabovewouldleadonetotheconclusionthatit is a clear case of uberlazy journalism creating aurbanmyth,leadingtothatfalsestereotypetobecomethe accepted norm. Inother words, modern dayjournalism.
If you haven’t noddedoff already, you mayhave noticed the 95%guesstimate I proposed inan earlier paragraph. If I’mrightthenthatleavesabout5%whomayhaveaclaimtocausingourhugedemiseinpopularity.
To(briefly)makeacasefortheMagpie naysayers, all Icanmusteristoblametheproximityofthecitycentreto SJP. When the sniff ofanythingvaguelyinterestingarises surrounding Unitedthere are always somethickJackClotswhoambletowards the ground likeextras from ‘the WalkingDead’tooffertheirdubiouspearls of wisdom to anyreporterhangingaround.
These people are alwaystubby morons who makeanyrightmindedsupportercringeinembarrassment.
All clubs have these loons.They are clearly not thereason everyone dismissesus.AlanBrazil,PaulMerson,IanWrightetalareanotherstory.
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Kriss Knights AKA BILLY FURIOUS
Read more stuff here billyfurious.com
25yearsagothismonthWifeyandIgotmarriedatNewcastleCivicCentre.Becausewewerehopelesslyskintmy“StagDo”involvedmehitch-hikingtoLondontoseeNirvanaattheAstoriaandourweddingreceptionwasmeetingsomefriendsfordrinksinTheDog&Parrot.
JUBILEE - Is Newcastle Actually Better Without the Football Team?25 years ago this monthWifey and I got marriedat Newcastle CivicCentre. Because we werehopelessly skint my“StagDo” involved me hitch-hiking to London to seeNirvanaattheAstoriaandourweddingreceptionwasmeeting some friends fordrinksinTheDog&Parrot.
It is testament to thesuccess our lives haveturnedouttobethatour25thweddinganniversarypartywasmeetingfriendsfordrinks inTheDogandParrot. Nirvana wereapparently “unavailable”toplayforus.Iforgettheexcusebut Idoubt itwasinanywayconvincing.
For reasons explainedhilariouslyandinformativelyinourKindle Book “Screw Work, Let’s Travel”.Wifeyand I live in Norfolk nowso the Dog & Parrot canno longer be described asour local. But unlike thosedespicable bastards who
inviteyoutotheirstagdoinVegasandtheirweddinginFijiandexpectyoutoturnup, at your own expense,and bring a present, whileassuming you would begratefulfortheprivilegeofbeingaskedtodoso–welike to show considerationto our friends. We don’twant to inconveniencepeople:wekeptournuptialssimpleandlocalandneverasked anybody to dressup or write a speech andkepttheamountofpeoplewho had to endure theceremony to the barestlegal minimum. We don’twanttoputourfriendsoutbutwedoinsistonseeingthemsoour25thweddinganniversary is turning intoaUKtour–insomecaseshousebyhouse.
25 years on from ourwedding we are stillmarried but within that25 years an endlessprocession of peopleclaimingtobeourfriendshaveexpectedustotravel
to places we didn’t wanttogoto,buythemthingsthat we couldn’t justifythe expense of buyingforourselvesandshareinthe joy of a matrimonialbliss – that has longsince desiccated intoacrimoniousdivorce,withcrying children and us,innocent bystanders thatwe are, having to tippy-toethroughtheminefieldofnotchoosingsides.Thisalong with the fact thatsomeofour friendsdon’tlikeeachothermeanswehave to stagemanageallour social occasions. It’sasideeffectofa lifetimeof bonding with otherdrunkengobs**tes.
Ishouldexplainthelackoffootballinthiswaffle:Wifeyand I are refugees fromthebitteruncivilwars thathaveblightedNewcastleinrecentyearsandmuchlikeour approach to divorcedfriendswehavenointerestin choosing sides. WhenJonas Gutiérrez curled in
Available on Amazon
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the second goal againstWest Ham in the lastgame of last season tosecureNewcastle’sPremierLeague survival I came infrom running around thegarden screaming to findWifey openly sobbing“this sort of thing doesn’thappentous,”ourpretenceatnotcaringanymorewasexposed as a pathetic lie.However,whenlovelyMickMartin(Ed:blush)askedmeto do a guest bit for truefaith I said“Yes, but I ain’ttouchingthattoxicfootballs**te.”
We loved being inNewcastle for a couple ofdaysandweloveditmorebecause the football teamandagoodnumberofcrazedding-bat weirdos, who arestillpreparedtotravelawaytoseethemnotplay,wereinManchester.Asyoudon’tneed telling, Newcastle isa spectacularly beautifulcity and when it hostsguests it really steps up.50,000 Scots and SouthAfrican supporters onthe Saturday all seemedrelativelyhappybefore therugbyatleast.Thecitywasfizzing with energy. Therestaurants were busy, the
bars resounded with easylaughter, people came outwho we were delighted tosee and at some point alad with hair like aViking,a South Africa rugby shirtand a kilt took a pictureof us all. A situation thatwith somewhat soberconsideration should havebeentheotherwayround.
Newcastle without thefootballmakesmejoyouslyemotional–merelytakinga slip road off the A1 Inoticed the (unusual forNorfolk dwellers) sight oforange flashing lights onthe cornerofpeople’s carsand said, “look at thesewonderfulpeopleindicatingtocomeontoandtoturnoffa roundabout”, and Wifeysaid,“Areyoucrying?”
I had passed out on myfriend’s sofa before MatchoftheDaygotuglysoIwasstill in a good mood thenext day when we wentwalking up Derwentside.Dogwalkersandjoggersbidus a cheery hello and ared kite flew low over theviaduct justaswesteppedonto it. Itwasagrey, coolmorningandthetreeswereonlyjuststartingtochangeinto their autumnal frocks
but it was breathtakinglywonderful.
Wechosetogetticketstoseecomedian Doug Stanhopein Newcastle despite anynumberofhisUKdatesbeingclosertoourNorfolkhome.EventhoughthegigwasonaSunday,andIcanrarelybebotheredtoleavethehouseon a Sunday after midday,weknewthecrowdwouldbe better there thananywhereelse.AtthispointIcoulddothreeparagraphson the evil thievery thatis the ticketing systemwhich the Tyne Theatrehas signed up to, but I’mtrying to keep this upbeat.The management did alsobow to Doug’s request tokeep the bar open duringhisshowsoIwon’tmentionthe£7aminutephonelineorthe invitationfor“ticketinsurance.”
So that’s your proof rightthere – we had a brillianttime in Newcastle andthe only s**t bits werenot staying out drinkingwith Mr Stanhope in TheHead of Steam becausewe had to leave early inthe morning and whensomebody mentioned thebloodyfootball.
Newcastle without the football makes me joyously emotional
IfyouareacertainagethereisprobablylittleornodoubtthatyouwouldacceptthattheStJamesParkofoldhasgrownbeyondrecognition.FromthedemolitionoftheoldLeazesEndintheearlyseventies-brokemyheartatthetime-totheconstructionofthe‘new’EastStand’,theredevelopmentoftheMilburnStand,theremovalofterracesattheGallowgateandLeazesEndsandfinallytheconstructionofthevastMilburnStandagain.Withacapacitynowupto52,000andrestrictionspreventinggroundexpansionoftheEastStandthedevelopmentopportunitiesareprettylimitedatpresent.Mostreaderswillknowabouttheargumentsinthe90’saboutmovinggroundsbutnothingcametofruitionandtobehonest,frommyperspective,youcannotbeatthegroundscitycentrelocation-theheartbeatoftheCityindeed.IoftenfindthegroundslocationbeingthemaintopicofconversationamongstvisitorstoourgreatCity(andnotjustfootballfans).
When it became apparentinthemidtolate90sthatthe ground was stayingputtheclubboughtalongleaseofthelandbehindtheGallowgate End adjacentto the Metro station andnow used a as car park.Whilst I’ve no idea howmuchtheypaidforthesiteback then but I suspect itwasn’t cheap. I believe theintention behind buyingthe lease on the land wasto construct a hotel anda casino with a walkwayinto an extended, newlydeveloped GallowgateEnd. I think Newcastle
not getting ‘super casinostatus’ scuppered theproposal.However,itseemsextending the ground wasnever far from the mindsof those running the club.It may have been at aninitialcapitaloutlaybutnodoubtanincreasedcapacityGallowgate End with aprofitmakingdevelopmentonthesitewouldsoonfundit.Evenasrecentlyas2008itappearstheclubandtheCityCouncilcommissionedan independent reportto look at how the landcould be developed toincorporate an extension
totheGallowgateEnd.Noaction was taken despitethe positive conclusions inthereportandforwhateverreason the extensionnever proceeded, and theland under the ownershipof the Halls and Shepard,and more recently underMike Ashley, has stood asa car park. However, thepossibility of an extendedGallowgate End remains,pushing up capacity evenhigher.
Ourcrowdshaveremainedbuoyant over the years-even in our relegation
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ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT Tom Keltey
season- and we’veremained consistentlynear the 50k mark overrecent years. Performanceson the pitch, it has to besaid, have rarelywarrantedsuch crowds and the onething that never ceases toamazethose interested infootball stats is how ourattendanceshaveremainedsohigh.Imagineifweeverdidwell!!
The Premier League hasrarelybeensopopularandlookingaroundthecountryit’s not surprising to seeclubs looking at extendinggroundcapacityormovingstadia. We have seen OldTrafford developed toincreasecapacityto70kpluswhilstArsenalhavemovedfromHighburytoEmiratestocopewiththeincreasingdemand from spectators.ManCityhavejustextendedtheir own ground whilstLiverpoolaregoingthrougha redevelopment to caterfor increased demand.Tottenhamareplanningtomove to a bigger stadium.WeallknowthatWestHamare at their last season atUpton Park. The common
theme in relation to all oftheseclubsisthattheyarewishingtoextendcapacity.
I’vehearditarguedthatwestruggle to fill the groundat present so why expandfurther? That’s short termthinking in the view ofmany.Giventhecrowdsweget now just imagine thedemandifweeversatisfiedour potential and regularlychallenged for trophies ortried to compete with thebest.With an entertainingteam challenging fortrophies would 70k beenough? You’d have towonder.
WithallthisinminditwaswithinterestthatInoticedthelandbehindthegroundwas placed on the marketfordevelopmentattheendof2013.Therewas littleorno attention given to theproposal at first, until itbecame obvious that theland, when developed wasnottoincludeanyextensiontotheground.Itwassimply‘theclub’disposingoftheirinterest in the land-or atleast it would appear tocasual observers that ‘theclub’weredisposingofthe
land.Initiallyadevelopmentwas proposed by MorganSindallbutforsomereasonthat didn’t proceed andthen local constructioncompanyTolent were saidto be proceeding with adevelopment-once againwith no ground extensionproposed. The proposalsinvolved building studentaccommodation but noground extension. Fromthe developers point ofviewtheywouldhavejustviewedthisasacommercialscheme not connected tofootball in any way-theyweresimplypayingforlandtobuildon-andthereforeitwouldcomeasnosurpriseto anyone that there wasno suggestion that theGallowgate End would beextended. Whatever, thefact that ‘the club’ werequite prepared to sell theland demonstrated that‘the club’ were no longerinterestedinextendingthegroundanyfurther.
The possibility of anyextensiontotheGallowgatehad been ruled out bythe club who were happyjust to rid themselves of
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The possibility of any extension to the Gallowgate had been ruled out by the club who were happy just to rid themselves of the site and allow any developer to proceed as they wished.
the site and allow anydeveloper to proceed astheywished.FrommyownpersonalpointofviewIwasdisappointed to read thatthe club were essentiallypreventing any possiblefurther extension to theground.Whilstwe struggleto attract 50k at presentthat’snottosaythiswouldalways be the position…afterallwe’veseencapacityincrease from under 20kpre Keegan to 36k underKeegantopresentday50k.Imagine a bit of success…yes,Iknowitmightbehardto imagine now….but itwasevenhardertoimaginepre-Keegan.
Somewouldsayaslongastheclubprofitedthenthatwouldbeok-which,ofcoursepresumed the club itselfwould receive the moneyfromthedevelopmentandtheninvestitintheteam…itself a big maybe!...in factI suspect it won’t if youbelievecomments recentlymadeinthepress.
It was interesting to readthecommentsfromTolentwhen they confirmedthat they were no longerproceeding with thedevelopment.TheirDirectorcommented in a responseto the Chronicle that ‘theowner’ was cracking onwith the developmenthimself-not selling the
site to a private developer.Whenreadingthatarticleitremindedmeofacommentinonesetofthefansforumsminutes when questionedabout the site, the clubcommented that the sitebelongedtotheownerandnot the club… the exactwordsusedwereasfollows;‘it is under the umbrellaofMikeAshley’sownershipseparatefromtheclub’wastheresponsefromtheBoard.Soatsomepointintime,ormaybeevenatthetimeofhis purchase of the club,the site has been movedfromclubownershiptoMrAshley’s ownership-assetstripping somemaycall it.The brochure advertisingthe sale of the land inlate 2013 stated that theland was transferred toNewcastle United HoldingLimited in 2004 althoughthebrochureissilentastowhathappenedthereafter.
Whatever way you nowview it, as a result, thenaturalconclusiontoreachis that even if you don’tfavour a ground extensionor increased capacity andsawasaleofthelandfillingthe club’s coffers that isn’tgoing to happen as theclub wouldn’t profit fromthe sale. There’s only oneperson going to benefitand that’s the owner andnotNewcastleUnited.The
money won’t be goingback into the club to buynew players or improvefacilitiesforsupportersandinaddition thegroundwillnever increase capacitybeyonditscurrentlimit.Nothought about the futureof Newcastle United, nolong termconsiderationasto what capacity may berequired if we were eversuccessful‘again’(Iprobablymean minor success i.e.challenging rather thanactuallywinninganything).
The sad thing for me iswhicheverwayyou favour,ground extension or not,therewillbenobenefitforNewcastleUnited.Atatimewhenothersareexpandingtheir own grounds we aredoingtheopposite,wearerestrictingthepossibilityofany future extension…andtheir match day incomewill increase,ourswill staythe same and you don’tneedtobeannaccountanttoknowwhat thatmeans.I struggle to find positivethingstosayaboutthewayNewcastle United is run…it’s certainly not for thelong term benefit of theclubthat’sforsure!
Finally,ifyou’rethinking‘it’shisclubhecandowhathewantswithit’…I’mnotsureyou shouldbe reading thisfanzine.
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At a time when others are expanding their own grounds we are doing the opposite, we are restricting the possibility of any future extension...
true faith has alwaysprovided a platformto fans to write abouttheir club and give theirown opinions on whatis currently going on atUnited as well as thedifferent perspectives ofourclub’shistoryandthewidergame.Oh,weloveabitnostalgiaandhistory.
There is no typical truefaithwriter,theycomeinall shapes and sizes andinclude home and awayzealots. young lads and
lasses,veteranfans,seasonticket holders, exiles andwhateverelseyoucaretomention.
You don’t need to be apreviously publishedwriter or have any fancyqualifications.Allwecareabout is whether youhavealoveforNewcastleUnitedandawilltoinformandentertainyour fellowsupporters.Wedon’tcareif your opinions are thesame or are similar tothe editorial position of
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truefaithhasbeenestablishedsince1999asoneofthemostsuccessful,influentialandbest-sellingfanzinesinthecountry.ItssuccessisbaseduponthecontributionsofNewcastleUnitedsupporters.Aswemoveintothedigitalageandtakeuptheopportunitiesfornewformsofsupporterexpression,truefaithisattheforefrontofthenewfanzinecultureanddevelopsitsdigitalfanzine(whatyouarereadingnow),itsmatch-daye-newsletter,TheSpecial,itsPodcasts,itsvideo-blogsandofcoursethewebsite.Wehopetobepositionedforanythingelsethatdevelopsoverthenextfewyearsaswell.
Write for true faith
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We’vehadsomebrilliantcaptainsatNewcastleUnited.Keegan,Beardsley,Lee,Shearer-playersthathadamassiveimpactontheteamnotonlywiththeirperformances,butwiththeirleadershipskillsandcharacteroffthepitchaswell.I’devenaddKevinNolantothatlist,heknewwhatitmeanttothefanstoplayforusandhewasproudthathehaddoneso.Pullingonthatblackandwhite(andblueapparently-thisseason’sishideous,butthat’sforanotherday..)shirtshouldfeellikeanhonourandprivilegetoeveryonethatdoesit.
Wewantthemtofeelthewayweknowwewould,ifitwasusgettingthechancetodothesame.Pullingonthe captains armband andleading Newcastle Unitedoutinfrontof52,000ofusshouldbeonanotherlevelentirelythen,yes?
Step up FabricioColoccini. A playerthatprovokesmixedreviewsandfeelings,Iwillhappilycomerightoutandstartthispiecebysaythat for me,he is currentlyfalling woefully
shortoftickinganyof the boxes you wouldhope for from your clubscaptain. When your clubjust happens to be in thesituation ours is (at thetimeofwriting,we’re rockbottomand5pointsadrift),the whole predicamentlooksevenbleaker.
Signed in 2008, Coloccinihad spells with AtleticoMadrid,Villarreal,ACMilanand Deportivo beforemaking the switch to theToon. Boasting a relatively
impressiveCV, I rememberthinkingtomyself
“Aye,wecouldhavea realplayer on our hands here”andafteranadjusting firstseason, that looked to bethecase.
Inthe09/10seasonthattheclubwontheChampionship,21 of Coloccini’s 40appearancesforusresultedincleansheets.
Granted, the competitionwas of a lower level, butit’sanimpressivestatnonethe less. However, as thecentre backs Newcastlecareer has progressed, hisnumber of appearancesper season has steadilydecreased, along withthe quality of defensiveperformances from theback four he has ran therule over. After beingawarded captaincy in July2011, Coloccini went onto make 39 appearancesthat season, notchingup 13 clean sheets-theclosest he’s came toreplicating the 21 kept intheChampionshipwinningseason.
A Captains Tale:
Fabricio Coloccini
Ross JenkinsFollow @_Jenky88
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Illus
trat
ion
byM
arc
Jenn
ings
mar
cjen
ning
s.co
.uk
Makingonly29appearancesinthe12/13seasonand28in13/14,wekeptonly7and8cleansheetsrespectively.
Youdon’tneedtobeGaryNeville to know that theback four has been theachilesheelofourclubforyears and saying defensiveperformances have largelybeen s**te, would beputtingitpolitely.
I’m also not putting theblame solely on ColocciniforthefiguresI’vepresentedabove, our defensive woesare thanks to a lack ofcapable defenders in allpositions across the backfour(withafewexceptions,obviously). It’s also worthnoting that at his peak,Colo even made the mostaverage of players, snipersufferer Steven Taylor forexample, look relativelycomposed alongside him.His ability to do the dirtyworkofmoppingupbehindothers, whilst also beingable to move the ball outofdefenceathis feetwithrelative ease had mostthinking he was the touchof class we’d been craving
attheback-andforasmalltime,hewas.
The issue with Colo forme however, isn’t justthat performances havemassively decreased overthe last few years, butis equally to do with hisdemeanourbothonandoffthe field. It would appearhe thinks of himself asArgentina’s answer toWordsworth because asweallknow,he’spartialtopenningaletterortwoandputting his feelings downonpaper.
In2013,ourproudcaptainsignedoffanopenlettertohis old club San Lorenzo,essentially claiming hewas gutted to be stayingin the North East. Therewere numerous rumoursfloating round as to whatcould possibly justify hissudden desperation toleave NUFC, but whetherany of them were true ornot(thebogstandard‘he’sbeenplayingawayfromhislass’wasthefirst tocomeup-something I doubt asheactuallyseemsacannydecent,familyman),ifound
his lack of professionalismdisappointingandaninsultto the club. If you wentinto your graft tomorrowand told anyone whowas willing to listen youwere desperate to leave,sooner rather than lateryou’d be told to do oneand the choice wouldbe made for you. It’s notunnatural for a player tobecomehomesickorwantto spend time around hisfamily, it’s human nature.However,togopublicwitha letter claiming you’redesperate to play foranother football club andyou’re disappointed thatyou’rebeingforcedtostaycaptaininganotherisaslapin the face and for me,the armband should havebeentakenfromhimthereand then. It shows a lackof respect for theprivilegeyou’ve been given andtowardsthe fans,whopayyour wages and supportyouweekin,weekout.Youonlyhavetotakeonelookathowrapidlyfeelingsarechanging towards Moussa“I’m champions leaguequality”
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Step up Fabricio Coloccini. A player that provokes mixed reviews and feelings, I will happily come right out and start this piece by say that for me, he is currently falling woefully short of ticking any of the boxes you would hope for from your clubs captain.
Sissoko(that’sifyouhadn’tseen the light long beforenow-he’s bang average)as an example of howmuch of a negative effectconsistentlyspeakingoutinpubliccanhave,evenifyouthink you’re doing nowtwrong. Keep in mind, thatletter surfacedamatterofhours after Alan Pardewwentpublicwithhisthanksfor Coloccini, praising his“fantastic loyalty” foragreeing to stay on untilthe following summer.Again, whilst I’m not oneto miss an opportunity tosmileatthatarrogantt**tbeing shown up in public,it’s another example of acomplete lack of respectforthecluboranyonewhorepresentsit.
Not wanting us to feelleft out however, CaptainColo was kind enough toaddress us on paper justa few years later in 2015.WithNewcastleUnitedonan 8 game slide, Colocciniand the best coach in thePremier League combinedto provide the nationalmediawithoneofthemosthilariously embarrassingmoments NUFC have hadforawhile(whichissaying
something),as JohnCarverheld up a hand writtenapology, apparently fromthe man himself to ourfan-base during a pressconference. The fact thatthiswasoneofthefewtimesour captain has actuallyspokenouttoourfanbaseinthefouryearshehadheldcaptaincy, a fact that wasaddressed immediately atthebeginningofthe letter,should tell you everythingyouneedtoknowabouthislackofleadershipskills. I’mnot saying I want to hearhim banging on week inweekoutabouteverythingfrom what training gamesthey play to how angryMike Williamson is thatThauvin doesn’t bring hislassalongregularlyenough(that should be your cueto googleCharlotte Pirroniand you can thank melater)butwhenanswersareneeded,yourcaptainshouldbe there to answer themandoursisn’t.Whenthingsaren’t going your way onthe pitch, there should besomeone players and fanscanlooktoandknowthatthey are going to try andpick your lads up by thescruffoftheneckandforcethemtopushon.Coloccini
isn’t that player. His lackof vocality on the pitch isa massive downside forme, I justdon’t thinkhe isinfluentialenough,howeverby most accounts, HatemBen Arfa can tell you allabout his influence in thedressingroom.
Soafterthedeclineinform,the public declaration thathedoesn’twanttobehereand the lack of leadershipskills, what becomes ofFabricio Coloccini? Acontractextensionin2015andcontinuedcaptaincy,ofcourse.Thatinitselfspeaksvolumes about our cluband where our prioritieslaybutsadly,weknowthisall too well. We’re happywithin our comfort zone,that being mediocrity. Wesee no need to promotechange and shake it up abit, because given whatthose who run our clubclassas success,nothing isbroken so there’s nothingto fix-an idea that quitetragically could be provenwrong, should Coloccinihave the distinction ofcaptaining NewcastleUnitedtorelegationforthesecondtimeinhisfiveyearsasskipper.
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When things aren’t going your way on the pitch, there should be someone players and fans can look to and know that they are going to try and pick your lads up by the scruff of the neck and force them to push on
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Cartoons
NEWCASTLE UNITED 2 SOUTHAMPTON 2St. James Park, Sun 9th Aug, 1:30pm, Premier League, Att: 49,710
AlivelyopeningtotheMcLarenera(asno-one iscallingit) saw us share the points with a tidy Saints side in agamewhichcouldhavegoneeitherway.Pelleputthemaheadhalfway through the firsthalfandalthough I likehim–definitelysomethingabouthim,theeasewhichheoutjumpedMbembawasembarrassingaswastheattempttokeepouthisgoalboundheader.TheylookedconfidentandplayedusofftheparkforthemajorityofthehalfsoitwasagainsttherunofplaywhenwetooktheleadinslightlyfortuitouscircumstancewhenHaidara’scrossloopedovertheirkeeperleavingCissetochestitinfromaninchout.
Thesecondgoalwasanabsolutecrackerthough.Obertanwentononeofthoselungburstingrunsthatusuallyendwithhimrunningstraightoutofplaybut insteadheputoverafantasticcrossonthemoveandWijnaldumgotupabouttwentyfootintheairtonodhome–Wijntheleapindeed.SubstituteLongswungthingsbackintheirfavourwithhispaceanditwasnosurprisethathegottheirgoal,getting higher than a static Janmaat to nod home. Infairness,theyhadgoodchancestowinittowardstheendwith Pelle in particular fluffing his lines and a draw wasaboutright.Halfdecentstart.
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Newcastle United – Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba,
Haidara, Wijnaldum (de Jong), Anita (Tiote), Colback,
Sissoko, Obertan, Cisse (Mitrovic)
Our Fans – 7 – Amazing that so many keep coming back,
really.
Their Fans – 5 – Long way, Sunday lunchtime reasonable
excuses for being poor
Media View – ‘Defensive frailties on show after Magpies
draw’ (Shields Gazette)
In-Form – Great debut from Gini
Out of Form – Haidara was wobbly defensively
McClaren Watch – Fairly encouraging. Obviously has
work to do but it was a reasonably entertaining start.
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SWANSEA CITY 2 NEWCASTLE UNITED 0Liberty Stadium, Sat 15th Aug, 3:00pm, Premier League, Att: 20,678
Ifevertherewasagametosapeveryounceofspiritoutofyouthiswasit.Ifthiswasustryingtoimpressanewmanager,Idreadtothinkwhatwe’lllooklikewhenMcLarenlosesthedressingroom.Theyonlytooktenminutestotakethe lead from an all too familiar script, s**te defendingoutside thebox, easy throughball, nip round the keeper,tapin.Easy,easy,easy.NotforthefirsttimeinhisUnitedcareer,Janmaatthenletallhisteammatesdownthroughrankunprofessionalismandgothimselfsentoffbeforethebreak. Montero, who had the Dutchman’s pants so farroundhis ankles, itwasamiraclehe could still standupskinnedhimtimeandtimeagainbeforehedrewtwostupidyellowsfromthefullback,whodeservedlywalked.WhenSissokolimpedoff‘injured’acoupleofweeksbeforetheendofthetransferwindow,ittellsyoueverythingyouneedtoknowaboutthe‘character’ofthoseattheclub.
FivefootnowtAndreAyew,anothergoodplayerwefailedto‘get over the line’ headed home unchallenged from acrossearlyinthesecondhalfandtheysawthegameoutincruisecontrol–awellrunclubplayingattractivefootball.Jesus,I’mjealousoff***ingSwansea.
Newcastle United – Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara, Wijnaldum, Anita, Colback, Sissoko (Taylor), Obertan (Mitrovic), Cisse (Aarons)
Our Fans – 6 – Nowt to shout about
Their Fans – 7 – Always liked them, a good lot.
Media View – ‘Reality check for McLaren as Janmaat sees red’ (Chronicle)
In-Form – Naaah
Out of Form – Janmaat let his side down badly
McClaren Watch – We looked like a Carver side, which up until very recently we were. He’s got time to change that but not an eternity because this was s**t.
MAN UTD 0 NEWCASTLE UNITED 0
Old Trafford, Sat 22nd Aug, 3:00pm, Premier League, Att: 75,354
Our best performance of the season so far saw uswin an unlikely point at Old Trafford in a day whenwe uncharacteristically defended excellently and eventhreatenedonceortwiceattheotherend.TheexcellentMitrovichitthebarwithaheaderinthefirsthalfwithourbestchanceandRooneywascalledoffsidebyawhiskerwhen he put the ball in the net in the first half andalthough they were on top for intervals, we were by nomeanshangingonforgrimlife.
WealmostnickeditneartheendwhenThauvinwasinchesawayfromconnectingwithaCissescuffedeffortinfrontofourownfansbutthentheynearlygotawinnerrightatthedeathwhenSmalling’sheadercamebackoffthepost.Theywerenowtspecialmindandthe‘greatestfansintheworld’respondedinthewaytheydobest intheseparts,booing,f***ingoffearlyandadoptingthatridiculousMancpostureatourcelebratinghordes.Whof***inglovedit.
Newcastle United - Krul, Taylor, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara, Wijnaldum (de Jong), Anita, Colback, Perez (Tiote), Obertan (Thauvin), Mitrovic (Cisse)
Our Fans - 9 - Noisy from start to finish
Their Fans - 5 - Most over-rated fans in world football
Media View - ‘Gritty fight earns Old Trafford draw for Newcastle’ (Hartlepool Mail)
In-Form - Coloccini had his best game in a long time
Out of Form - Obertan looked a bit lost at times but it was a fine team effort
McClaren Watch - Getting a point here, no matter how poor the Man United side will do for me.
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NEWCASTLE UTD 4 N’HAMPTON TOWN 1
St. James Park, Tues 25th Aug; 7:45pm, League Cup 2nd Round, Att: 26,923
AniceeasywinandachancefornewboyThauvintoshineagainstmingingoppositionatleastgaveussomethingtocheerinamatchthatwasnevergoingtobea‘bananaskin’.ThauvinhadusoneupafterthreeminutesfromaHaidaracentreandwhenSicknotedeJongflickedaheaderinforoursecondinsidetenminutesweweregettinggiddy.PrizeidiotTiotethencompletelyneedlesslygavethemalifeline,stupidlyhandlingintheboxandtheirbigcentreforwardtwatteditpastDarlow–allthisinthefirsttwelveminutes.
AlovelypassingmovebetweenPerez,deJonganThauvingaveusaglimpseofwhatwemighthave(cough),settingupJanmaattoputitinthefarcorner.ThingsweresoeasythatWilliamsongotafourthfromaheaderwithhalfanhourstilltogo,givingtimeforyoungToneyandMitrovictohavearunoutbutwesettledforfourandaplaceinthehat.Whichofcourseisn’tahatatall.
Newcastle United - Darlow, Janmaat, Lascelles, Williamson, Haidara (Toney) Gouffran, de Jong, Tiote, Thauvin (Mitrovic), Aarons, Perez (Colback)
Our Fans - 6 - Usual sort of League Cup crowd but they enjoyed it
Their Fans - 7 - Gave Toney a good reception
Media View - ‘Thauvin shines on St.James debut’ (Chronicle)
In-Form - Thauvin looked like a world beater. Mind, fourth division side and that
Out of Form - Aarons didn’t look at it
McClaren Watch - First win and no hiccups.
NEWCASTLE UNITED 0 ARSENAL 1
St. James Park, Sat 29th Aug, 12:45pm, Premier League, Att: 50,388
Difficulttosay‘whatmighthavebeen’herebutwhenyou’redown to ten men in reasonably dubious circumstancesandyouconcedetoanowngoal,thenyouhavetherighttofeelatleastalittlebitnarked.Thegamewasn’tdoingmuchwhenMitrovicgotastraightredafterwhatseemedlikenowtmaliciousonFlamini–theladhasn’tgota‘rep’alreadyhashe?Ifhecan’tputalidonit,onethingisforcertain,we’reknackeredasgiventhepaucityofoursquad,he’sgottobethedifferencebetweenusgettingthegoalstostayuporwe’veoffbackdowntotheseconddivisionnextseason.
Intruth,wechasedshadowsfortherestoftheafternoon,roared on by a crowd indignant by Arsenal’s all roundsnideyness.Intheendweheldonuntilthe52ndminuteandthegoalwasajammyoneontheirbehalfasKrulcouldonly parry Ramsey’s shot to Oxlade-Chamberlain, whodespitefluffing itstillsawhiseffortgo inviaaColoccinideflection.Harddonebyornot,we’vegottosortourselvesoutprontoaswe’reonlygoingonewayfast.
Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara, Wijnaldum, Anita (Perez), Colback, Sissoko (Cisse), Thauvin (de Jong), Mitrovic
Our Fans - 8 - Indignant
Their Fans - 7 - Plentiful as ever
Media View - ‘Can McClaren control Aleksander Mitrovic?’ (Independent)
In-Form - Difficult really given the circumstances – Janmaat was possibly the pick
Out of Form - Difficult really because they dug in as a team – I don’t think they’ll be rushing out to buy Sissoko and well, Mitrovic if you class it as a deserved sending off
McClaren Watch - Out of his hands to an extent. Has a real man-management job on his hands to calm Mitrovic whilst still harnessing his radginess to good effect.
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WEST HAM UTD 2 NEWCASTLE UNITED 0
Upton Park, Mon 14th Sep, 8:00pm, Premier League, Att: 34,907
A total non-performance from start to finish saw useasilybeatenbytheHammers,withaladbythenameofPayetwhodidn’tfitintoCharnley’smoneyballspreadsheetabsolutelypullingustobits.Arightoldfannyongettingtothegroundmeanttheawayendwasconspicuouslysparseby the time he’d put them one up inside ten minutes,withAnitafannyingaroundfromourownthrowin,beingdispossessedwithPayetgivenallthetimeintheworldtopickhisspotinthetopcorner.
Theyseweditupjustafterhalftimewithanabysmalfreekick from the abysmalThauvin on the edge of their boxleading to a quick break upfield with Moses running thelength of the pitch before hitting the bar, with Payet onhand to knock in the rebound. Perez added a bit of lifewhenhecameonandJanmaatshouldhavescoredinthefirsthalfbutthatreallyispolishingaturdasthisrankeduptherewith someofoureffortsunderPardewandCarver.Terrible.
Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara, Wijnaldum (Aarons), Anita (de Jong), Colback, Sissoko, Thauvin (Perez), Cisse
Our Fans - 6 - F*** on getting there, might as well not have bothered
Their Fans - 8 - Good. For all it’s flaws, I’ll miss Upton Park and fear the atmosphere at the Olympic Stadium will be nowhere near as good
Media View - ‘Payet at the double as midfielder steals show by delivering Hammer blow to flightless Magpies’ (Mail)
In-Form - Perez looked bright when he came on. The starting XI were all terrible.
Out of Form - Christ. Thauvin was s**te, Wijnaldum might as well not have been there, Cisse didn’t try and the defence was cack. Other than that....
McClaren Watch - Totally insipid, no leadership or direction on the pitch, he can f*** off with the one up front bollocks as well. Especially when the ‘one’ was as bad as Cisse
NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 WATFORD 2
St. James Park, Sat 19th Sep, 3:00pm, Premier League, Att: 47,806
Wheredowegofromthisonethen?Outplayed,outfoughtandout-thoughtbytherelegationfavouritesatthestartoftheseasononadaywhenyoustartedtowonderwhetherthechickenshadcomehometoroost. Atleastthreeofourstartinglineupwereadisgrace–Coloccinigotraggedall overbya ladwithno finessebutplentyof bottle inDeeney,Thauvinwas luckyto lasttillhalf timegivenhisamazing achievement of finding one of their men afterevery singlepassandCisse is rapidly losing thegoodwillhe’searnedatthisclub.
As well as Deeney, they had a very smart operator inIghaloandheputthemaheadwhentheypassedstraightthroughus.Hissecondwasashocker–DeeneywasabletocontrolalongballwithabsolutelyzerochallengefromCaptainF***ingMarvelandleisurelyslipathroughballtoIghalotoscorehissecond. Janmaat,yetagainourmainattackingthreatpulledonebackfromusbutweendedupwithexactlywhatwedeservedfromthegame–f***all.
Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara (Aarons), Wijnaldum, Thauvin (Obertan), Colback, Sissoko, Perez, Cisse (de Jong)
Our Fans - 5 - Worn down by it all
Their Fans - 7 - Enjoyed their day out, pretty good I thought
Media View - ‘Club makes worst start in 29 years’ (Shields Gazette)
In-Form - Perez if I had to pick anyone at gunpoint
Out of Form - All awful, Cisse and Thauvin especially rank.
McClaren Watch - Terrible result and the approach was all wrong, defensively a shambles.
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NEWCASTLE UNITED 0 SHEFF WED 1
St. James Park, Wed 23rd Sep, 7:45pm, League Cup 3rd Round, Att: 33,986
AhGodman,Imeanthisisasbadasitgets,uptherewiththeBrightonandStevenagefiascosofrecentyearsasweweredeservedlybeatenbySheffWed’sreserveside. Wehadactually linedupwitha‘strong’ sidebutwereutters**te, barely creating a chance and looking vulnerableeverytimetheybroke.Themainsurprisewasthatittookthem to the 76th minute to score the only goal of thegame.Theircentreforwardwasallowedtobringalongballdownonhisthighinthebox,havetimetoturnandshootpastaterribleKrulwhoshouldhavesaveditcomfortably.Readthatsentenceagain.
They should have buried it but contrived to hit the barfromaninchoutwithanopengoalanddeJonghadtwogoodchancesforusatthedeathbuttheboneidlec**tfluffedbothofthemandabigpartofmewasrelievedhehadasanotherhalfanhourwatchingthatgarbagewouldhavebeentheend
Newcastle United – Krul, Janmaat (Mbabu), Lascelles, Mbemba, Williamson, Wijnaldum, de Jong, Anita, Thauvin (Perez) Sissoko, Obertan (Toney) of me. Just piss off man, will yas?
Our Fans – 5 – Excellent turn out at this stage, understandably disgusted by the ‘product’ on the field
Their Fans – 9 – Excellent, loads of them and very noisy – wish they were back up in the top flight
Media View – ‘Steve McLaren’s Newcastle booed after defeat by Sheffield Wednesday’ (Guardian)
In-Form – God, erm....nope.
Out of Form – Collectively hideous with special mention for Thauvin who was plain disgraceful
McClaren Watch – The first major stain on his management for me. Fans remember minging cup performances and the start of the very long end for Pardew was Brighton in my eyes.
NEWCASTLE UNITED 2 CHELSEA 2
St. James Park, Sat 26th Aug, 5:30pm, Premier League, Att: 48,682
WhatisitaboutChelseathatdragsusintolife(otherthanthefactthattheyareutterbastards)?Latekickoff,belliesfullofale, acommonenemy–SJPcan stillbe fantasticwhenit’s likethis. Aftertherunwe’dbeenon,everyonewasexpectingtobewatchingthisthroughtheirfingersbutintheend,wejustranoutofthesteamthatwouldhavegivenusafamouswin.We’dbeenontopapproachinghalftime when the magnificentAyoze Perez killed a mis**tcrossbeforesmashingtheballpastBegovic–delirium.
If things felt surreal, the acid really started kicking inwhenwedoubledourleaguedirectlyfromacorner,withWijnaldumrisingtoheadPerezcrosshome–Jesus! Welookedwellincontrolbeforeadoublesubstitutionturnedthegame.Still,therewasonlytenminutesleftwhenoneofthosesubsRamiressmashedathunderbolt inthetopcorner and all of a sudden we looked dead on our feet.Heartbreakingly,theothersubWillianequalisedwithfiveminutesleftwhenhewhippedafreekickoverthateverybugger, including Krul missed with it ending up in thebottomcorner–similartoMilner’sagainsttheMackemsafewyearsbackandjustass**te.Still,greatpointandafewsmilesagain–wondersnevercease.
Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Mbabu, Wijnaldum Anita, Colback (Obertan), Sissoko, (de Jong) Perez, Mitrovic (Toney)
Our Fans - 9 - Excellent, SJP was bouncing as it was last time they came here
Their Fans - 6 - Good numbers, barely heard a peep from them till they scored
Media View - ‘Late agony for McClaren’s side’ (Shields Gazette)
In-Form - An excellent team performance so difficult to pick one but Mbabu had a great debut
Out of Form - Sissoko wasn’t great, but it’s splitting hairs
McClaren Watch - Got it right, went at them with a much higher tempo than we had been playing and we just tired.
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MAN CITY 6 NEWCASTLE UNITED 1
Etihad, Sat 3rd Oct, 3:00pm, Premier League, Att: 53,850
Istherenoendtotheheadf***thatisNUFC?No-onebutno-oneexpectedanythingotherthanahowkingherebutthemannerofthisonedefiedbelief. At40minutes,wecouldandshouldhavebeenthreeupafterMitrovicscored,hadoneincorrectlyruledoutforoffsideandmissedaclearchanceandweweredominatingthegame.Halfanhourlaterwewere6-1downand lookingdownthebarrelofdoublefigures–howayman,whodoesthat?
Inmitigation,Aguerowasinmodernparlance‘unplayable’andhegotfiveofthosesixwiththeexcellentDeBruyneputting the other in the top corner and we simplycapitulated. Poor defending from Mbemba gave themthe first and Silva pulled us all over the place for mostoftheothers–amixofexcellentgoalsandf***witteddefending.Noleadershipwhatsoever,whichwe’veknownforyears.Itdon’tlookpretty.
Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Mbabu (Lascelles), Wijnaldum Anita, Gouffran (Thauvin), Sissoko (Tiote) Perez, Mitrovic
Our Fans - 7 - Stunned to be ahead after 40 minutes, even more stunned half an hour later
Their Fans - 6 - Mehhhhh
Media View -‘Sensational Ageuro bags five to stun the Toon’ (Star)
In-Form - Sergio Aguero
Out of Form - Ha ha, take your pick. What Gouffran was doing starting is anyone’s guess
McClaren Watch - The half time team talk must have been something special
NEWCASTLE UNITED 6 NORWICH CITY 2
St. James Park, Sun 18th Oct, 4:00pm, Premier League, Att: 47,006
Whoooahyabuggerwheredidthatcomefrom?AwelcomeifunexpectedwinhauledusoffthebottomandbroughtupthequizquestionofwhendidaUnitedmidfielderlastscorefourgoals inagame(I’mstillnotsure!). Insummation...Sissoko cleverly played inWijnaldum for our first beforetheyequalised through rankbaddefending,mainly fromJanmaat.SissokoagainprovidedthecrossforWijnaldumforthesecondandheheadedhomebeforePerezputusthreeoneupwitha shot into thebottomcornerbeforetheypulledanotherbackinverysimilarcircumstancestotheirsecond.3-2halftime.
They then dominated the first twenty minutes of thesecondhalf, lookedacertainty to scorebeforecultheroMitroviccontrolledandlashedahalfvolleyinattheLeazes,leavingWijnaldumtoget firsthishat trickwithanotherheaderandthenhisfourthwithaslightlyjammydeflected
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effortfromoutsidethebox.FourassistsfromSissoko,eightgoalsintotal.Mental.Wouldn’tmindarepeatofthiscarryonnextSunday!
Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Dummett (Haidara), Wijnaldum, Tiote (Anita), Colback, Sissoko, Perez, Mitrovic (Cisse)
Our Fans - 7 - More than happy with that second half
Their Fans - 6 - Likeable if a bit quiet
Media View - ‘Wijnaldum bags four to ease pressure on McLaren’ (Telegraph)
In-Form - If Wijnaldum doesn’t get man of the match after scoring four from midfield, then he’s never going to get it.
Out of Form - Tiote man – Jesus!
McClaren Watch - A huge improvement and good to see persistence with Mitro and Perez up front. Big confidence boost ahead of next weekend.
SUNDERLAND 3 NEWCASTLE UNITED 1
Stadium of Light, Sun 25th Oct, 12:00, Premier League, Att: 47,653
Theunthinkablebecame thinkable, if that’s evenawordandabonkersgamesawusclockupsixstraightdefeatsagainst (and we say this every year) a truly shockingSunderland side. You can’t overplay the level of ourdominanceinthefirsthalf–wewereabsolutelyalloverthemandcouldeasilyhavebeenaheadfromeffortsfromColbackandColoccinibeforedisasterstruckandColoccinisawredandconcededapenaltyfromwhatwasatworsta70/30challengeonFletcher. AllegedsexcaseJohnsonscoredthepenaltyandtosayitwasagainsttherunofplaywouldbetosaythathe*REMOVEDONLEGALADVICE*withthatlass.
Westillshouldhavegoneontogetsomethingwithtenmen and Mitrovic missed a golden opportunity to levelwhenhecut insidebutshotstraightatPantillimon. WeremainedthebettersideuntilBillyJones,whichisthenameofapainterdecorator,stoleintogettheirsecondandtheirthirdfromAdamJohnsonwhohadbeen*REMOVEDONLEGALADVICE*tothatlasstookthepiss.
It’shappenedsooftenoflatethatwe’redowntorankingthedefeatsinorder–fortherecord,Iwasnowherenearasangryaslastyearbutequallydespondentasafterthefirstthree-nilatourplace.
Thesearedarktimes.
Newcastle United – Eliott, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Dummett, Sissoko, Colback (Lascelles), Tiote (Anita), WIJNALDUM, Perez, Mitrovic
Our Fans - 6 - Noisy in the first half, slipped into familiar numbness in the second
Their Fans - 6 - Very noisy after the goals but you got the sense that even they knew they’d dodged a bullet
In Form - Wijnaldum and Sissoko dominated in the first half
Out of Form - Dummett was s**te and Tiote is a f***ing joke, stop playing the twat for God’s sake
Media View - ‘Six in a row as Cats break their duck’ (Sunderland Echo)
McClaren Watch - Ten games, one win, second bottom.
Gareth Harrison - Follow Gareth on @truefaith1892
www.true-faith.co.uk tf 61CONTENTS
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END OF EMPIREPETER SAGAR
Itisafactofhistorythatempiresriseandfall.TheoncemightyandproudRomanEmpirecollapsedinthe5thcenturyADasRomewassackedandeventhereturninglegionscoulddonothingtopreventit.SimilarlytheBritshEmpire,thebiggesttheworldhaseverseen,fadedinafewyearsintheexhaustedaftermathoftheSecondWorldWar.Andthenwehavethefallanddeclineofbusinessempires.EventsinthelastweekorsohavemademewonderifwearebeginingtoseethedeclineandfalloftheAshleyempire.
The last few days haveseen David Forsey, thechief executive of SportsDirect, charged with acriminaloffence,relatingtothe collapse of its fashionretailer USC. The chargeinvolves disrespectfulbehaviour towardswarehousestaffinScotland,around200ofwhomweregiven just 15 minutesnotice of redundancy, socontraveningsection194oftheTradeUnionandLabour
Relations(Consolidation)Act 1992. Thiskind of appallingbehaviour inconnectionwithSports Direct,will of coursecome as nogreatsurpriseto anybodywho hasw a t c h e dM i k eA s h l e yand the
disrespectful mannerin which he treats hisworkforce....and thesupporters of NewcastleUnited.
Ashley seems to be happytobesomebodywhocomesacross as a mean-spiritedsociopath who cares onlyfor himself, his familyand his friends. Perhapsof greater significance inrelation to the charging ofForseyiswherethecriminalinvestigation might spread.Thoseofyouawareofthehistory of the WatergateScandal will know that itbeganwiththosewaydownthe‘foodchain’,moveduptothelikesofMitchellandHalderman,beforeknockingon the door of theWhiteHouse itself and claimingthe presidency of RichardNixon.Canweassumethatjustasthemanyproblemsat Newcastle United areultimatelyAshley’sfault,sothebuckatSportsDirectalsostopsatAshley’sdesk?One
www.true-faith.co.uktf 62
has to wonder just wherecriminal investigations intotherunningofSportsDirectmightlead.
This week also sawthe shocking news in aBBC investigation, thatambulances had beencalled to Sports Direct’sShirebrook clearing houseno fewer than82 times inin2013and2014,asstaffweretooworriedtostayoffworkforfearoflosingwhatlittle jobsecuritytheyhad.Incidentsincluded36casesclassedas‘life-threatening’,a52-year-oldwhosuffereda stroke in the warehousecanteen after being tooafraidtostayoffworkandawomanwhogavebirthinawarehousetoilet.ThisisofcourseallinlinewithSportsDirect’ssixstrikesandyou’reoutpolicyofpettyoffences,which Ashley is using aspartofhisDickensianwayofoperating.
It was also reported thatUnite the Union werebecoming more heavilyinvolved in campaigningagainst the workingconditionsatSportsDirect.And this is where theremightjustbeopportunitiesfor joint campaigningbetweenNewcastleUnited
supporters and Unite toachieveallourgoals.
There can be little doubtI feel, that the workingconditionsatSportsDirectare getting more publicitythan they otherwisewould do, because ofAshley’s involvement withNewcastle United. If weassumethattobethecasethen the more supporterswork with Unite to linkAshley and NewcastleUnited with Sports Direct,thenthemorepublicitytheissues will receive and themorelikelyitisthatpressurewill mount on Ashley tochange the disgracefulworkingpracticesatSportsDirect. This will of courseplease Unite, but whatwould Newcastle Unitedsupportersgetoutofit?
Well for years now pollafter poll have suggestedthat the overwhelmingmajority of NewcastleUnited supporters wantto seeAshley sell theclub.SpeakingpersonallyIagreewith what Kevin Keeganstated seven long yearsago,thatNewcastleUnitedwill never get anywhereunder the ownership ofMikeAshley.Nowthereisasayingthatthereisnosuch
thingasbadpublicity,butI
don’tbelieveawordofit....
just ask Gerald Ratner. If
supporters groups, working
withUniteandothers,can
convince Ashley that his
connectionwithNewcastle
United is starting to
seriouslyharmthebusiness
hereallycaresabout,Sports
Direct,thenIthinkhemight
quiteeasilycomeroundto
theviewthathangingonto
Newcastle United is not
worth the effort. Then all
supporters would have to
worryabout iswhoAshley
sellstheclubto.Butatleast,
after the darkness of the
lastfewyears,afewraysof
hopemightjustbreakout...
It is in the interest of all
those who are appalled
by Ashley’s disrespect
of both his workforce at
SportsDirectandthelong-
suffering supporters of a
once proud football club
to getAshley to finally do
the decent things; to treat
his workforce better and
sell Newcastle United to
thosewhomightreallycare
abouttheclub,itstraditions
anditssupportersandwork
intheirintereststotakethe
clubforward.
www.true-faith.co.uk tf 63
the shocking news in a BBC investigation, that ambulances had been called to Sports Direct’s Shirebrook clearing house no fewer than 82 times in in 2013 and 2014, as staff were too worried to stay off work for fear of losing what little job security they had.
Regular readers will know John Milton, formerly of the East End Favela of Heaton has been living in Rio for a good few years now and has absorbed his new football culture without entirely ever being able to stop scratching his Newcastle United itch...
Theeditorhasbeennaggingmeformonthstocomeupwith a list of my favouriteBrazilianplayersofalltime.I hope you can appreciatewhyI’vebeenavoidingthechallenge like the plague -it’sanimpossibletask.
Sohereismypersonaltop5. I’m certain that therewon’t be many who agreewith my pick - but this ismypersonaltop5,notthetop5agreedonbyexpertsandpunditsorvotedonbythepublic.It’salsoalistof
playerswhohavecapturedmy imagination, whoseauras of legend extendbeyond the white lines ofthepitch–playerswhoaremuchmorethantheirtitles,goalsandstatscanpossiblyconvey.
I’ve excluded players thatwill probably have youscratching your headwondering why. Neymar,forexample.Hedidn’tevencome close. There’s nodoubt that he’s head andshoulders above any other
member of the currentseleção in terms of, well,everything;pace,touch,skill.Buthedidn’tmakemyliston the grounds that, well,he’sabitofat**t,isn’the?Likewise, you’re not goingto see Rivaldo, Robinho,Romario or Ronaldinhohere.Great,greatplayers–justwithoutthatcultstatusto make my list! I betthey’redevastated.
Peléisdefinitelythesecondbest Brazilian player ofall-time, no-one would
begrudgehimthat.It’sjustthat after he hung up hisboots it became obviouswhat a tit he is. He hasspoutedsomuchcrapsinceending his career at NewYork Cosmos (things likeNicky Butt being the bestplayer at the 2002 WorldCup,forexample)thateverytime a Brazilian sees himon TV they visibly cringe,fearing whatever drivelhe may be embarrassingthemwiththistime. Evenwhenhetookonthemostevil administrators the
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JOHN MILTON Follow on @ Geordioca
The boy from brazil
Quem é o Craque?
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sport has ever endured,Havelange andTeixeira, hedidn’tmanage toearnanycredence. Hewenttowarwith them over money,but having had his nosestuck firmly in the FIFA/Havelange/Teixeria/CBFtroughsthroughoutthe70’sand 80’s he came acrossas hypocritical and greedyrather than the people’schamp he craved to be.Definitelynotcoolenoughformylist…
Of all my ‘almost-rans’,Marta is probably the onemost deserving of a placein my final 5. She hasdonemoreforthewomen’sgame than all of the USAstar players and England’sKellySmithcombined.Thegreatest female player ofall time, she has won theFIFA World Player of theyear award 5 times has
beenrunner-upafurther4times. Incredible! Havingto play all over the USAand Sweden just to earnthe recognition and cashthatheroutstandingtalentdeserves is something thatwould be unimaginable tohermalecounterparts.
There really are too manyBrazilian legends of thegame to mention, solet’s cut to the chase andknuckle down to my Top5 Brazilian Legends of theGame.
O Diamante Negro - Leônidas (1913 – 2004)O diamante negro (TheBlackDiamond)iswithouta doubt one of the mostimportant Brazilianplayerstohaveevertakento the field. Not onlywas he an outstandingstriker, but he was alsoat the forefront of the
fight against prejudicein the Brazilian game; hewas one of the vanguardof black players, one ofthe few blacks to breakinto the top flight teams.When he signed for theelite club Flamengo in1936 he became oneof the very first blackplayers to representthe Brazilian giants. Heand his fellow black andmulato players duringthe ‘20’s and ‘30’s weretrailblazers, opening thegatesforthedarkskinnedplayers who followed intheir wakes into the, upuntil then, exclusivelywhite, upper-class worldof futebol. By the timeLeônidassignedforFla,hehad already won the RioState Championship withbothVascodaGamaandBotafogo and he wouldgoontowinitagainwith‘Mengo. After this thirdsuccesshemoved toSãoPauloFCwherehewouldwin the São Paulo StateChampionship 5 times.As for the canarinhos,he represented Brazil at2 World Cups (1934 &’38) scoring a total of 9tournament goals andendingthe’38tournamentas top scorer. HisWorldCup goals contributed tohis astounding statof37goals in 37 appearancesforthenationalteam.Ontopofallthishewasalsoa pioneer of the game:it was Leônidas whoinvented the bicycle kick,firstusingitin1932whileplaying for Bonsucesso!Legend?Withoutadoubt.
A Enciclopédia – Nílton Santos (1925 – 2013)
One of the greatestdefenders the game hasseen, Nílton Santos pliedhis trade at left back forBotafogoandBrazil.Hewasamemberofthatexclusiveclub – a one club player.Having come through‘Fogo’s youth setup heplayed with the alvinegroteam until he retired in1964, having picked up ahatful of club honours tocomplimenthis2WorldCupwinnermedalsfromthe’58and’62tournaments.Afterretirement Santos wenton to become a highlyrespectedfootballjournalistand pundit, puttinghis famous wealth ofknowledge(ashisnicknamesuggests) to good use for
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the good of his audience.Santos earned his place inmy list thanks to the parthe played in transformingthe game. He was thefirst defender to push upthe pitch and join in withthe attack, so successfulwas this new role of anattacking fullback that itbecameatrademarkoftheBraziliangame,infact,youcould almost say that thepositionisnowsynonymouswith the yellow jersey. Itallowed Brazil to line upwith a flat back 4, safe inthe knowledge that whileinpossessiontheywouldn’tbe short in attack as theycould rely on the 2 fullbackstobombonandaddtoweightinnumbersgoingforward. He is quoted assaying he didn’t envy themodernplayertheirsalariesandriches,onlythefreedomthey enjoyed in attack –a great sentiment. Santosearned the Left Back spotin Fifa’s‘Teamof the20thCentury’, and few wouldargue with his inclusion.Still held inhigh regardbyboth Brazil and Botafogofans, his skill, knowledgeand technique has helpedmaintainthemythicalstatusofhis playingdaysdespitepassing away so recently.It was with great reliefwhenIdiscoveredthattheBotafogo fans lobbied theclubandmanagedtohavethenameof their stadiumchanged in his honour,afterbeingnamedaftertheodiousJoãoHavelangetheynow play their games inthegloriouslytitledEstádioNíltonSantos.
O Furacão – Jairzinho (1944 - )OFuracão (TheHurricane)earnedhisnicknamethankstohisexploitsatthe1970World Cup in Mexico aspart of the team widelyregarded as the greatestteam to ever have playedon the world stage. Ihad to include one of the1970 Brazilians, obviously,and even though Pelé hasbeendiscountedduetohispost-playing shenanigans Iwasstill leftwithawealthof potential candidates –Tostão, Gérson, AlbertoCarlos,Rivelino…Notabadbunch to pick from. Butit’s Jairzinho who narrowlygetsthenod.Hefamouslyscored in every game heplayed in thetournament,oneof only twoplayers tohave doneso (the otherbeing theU r u g u a y a n ,Gigghia,in1950).He managed toachieve thisf e a t
despitehavingtoovercomethe biggest obstacleimaginable. Jairzinhopliedhistradeontherightwing-thepositionthatwasheld,bothatclubandcountry,byhisidol:Garrincha.ItmusthavebeenanoverwhelmingtaskfortheyoungJairzinho,tostepoutfromthelongestof long shadows cast bythegreatestBrazilianplayerof all time, but he did itwith aplomb. Not once,but twice. He first hadto convince the fans atBotafogo that he was therightful heir to Garrincha’sNo. 7 shirt, and then hehad to overcome thedoubterswhenhepulledonthe famous yellow jerseyof the seleção. There was
no way Jairzinhocould match
G a r r i n c h ain terms ofd r i b b l i n g ,t r i c k s ,ginga or
entertainmentvalue (although
he did
have more than his fairshare of these attributes),but he was able to addpace,poweranddirectnessto his game. This madehim a nightmare for anyfullback to deal with – itreally was like a hurricanebearing down on themon the wing. The secretweaponinthegreatesteverteam,theskillstoeasethepain of losing a club andnational legend,andakickassafrotoboot.
O Doutor – Sócrates (1954 – 2011)I think it’s fair to saythat Sócrates embodieseverything that we in thetfbunkerdigaboutfootball.His father foresaw greatthings inhisnewbornson
andsogavehimanametoliveupto(ohaye,Sócratesis no nickname, his fullname is Sócrates BrasileiroSampaiodeSouzaVieiradeOliveira–amouthfulevenbyBrazilianstandards!)andI think it’s fair to say helived up to his grandiosename–andthensome!Anamazingtalentonthepitch,a huge intellect off it, atraineddoctorofmedicine(hence the nickname),writer,politicallyengaged,
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journalist, outspokenactivist against oppressiveclub regimes, heavysmoker, drinker and allround bon viveur. In anera in which his countrywas run by an oppressivemilitary dictatorshipwhich outlawed, andbrutally punished, anyform of workers’ union ororganisation, Sócrates didjustthat.Asthestarplayerof one of Brazil’s biggestclubs,Corinthians, Sócratesorganised the CorinthiansDemocracy movement –a movement in which theplayerstookcontrolof therunning of the club. At atime when clubs were runinmuchthesamemanneras the country was beingrunbythedictatorship,theCorinthians Democracy
movement was seen asa protest of, and a directchallenge to, the rulingmilitary junta: the clubtook on the metaphoricalembodimentofthecountrywiththeplayerstakingtheplace of the people. Thiswas a highly risky snub tothe authorities both at hisclub and in Brasilia. Theplayersvotedonallmatterswhich affected them,from training methods tomeal times, from squadsto tactics. Although thisperiod was not the club’smost successful, its motto“winorlose,butalwayswithdemocracy” is a powerfulstatement, even in today’sfreesociety. Back in1980whenyouwere livingyourlife under a dictatorshipthose words must have
struck a cord. As you’dexpect,withSócratesatitshead, the movement waspolitically engaged outsideoftheclub,too.Theplayersfamouslyvotedinfavourofwearingstripswith‘Voteonthe15th’printedonthem–acall to their fans to takepart in the country’s firstmulti-party election sincethe military coup of ’64.On the pitch, the thoughtof Sócrates brings backmemoriesofthatheadbandwithamopofhairsproutingout above it, wrappedaround one of the mostcerebral, intelligent brainsto have played the game.Long-limbed and elegant,he would confidentlystride forward towardsthe opposition box beforethreadingaballthroughtheeyeofaneedle,consistentlymakingtheassist farmoreimpressivethanthegoal.Ifhewasn’tlayinggoldeneggsforhisteammatestoprofitfrom, he was unleashingthunderbastards™ from20yards out. He captainedone of the World Cup’sgreatest teams: the Brazil
1982 squad managed tocramthemidfieldbrillianceof Sócrates, Zico, Junior,CerezoandEderintoamad4-2-2-2 formation. Andfinally,whatawaytobringthe curtain down on suchaglitteringcareerthana1monthcontractatGarforthTownAFCwhichculminatedinasubsappearanceagainstTadcasterattheageof50.A pioneer of the disguisedbackheel pass (CalcanhardeOuro(GoldenHeel)wasacommonmoniker),asfaras football’s‘KingsofCool’go,you’dhavetoputsomecase forward to topple ODoutor from his rightfulthrone.
A Alegria do Povo –
Garrincha (1933 – 1983)
Thebestwaytoappreciate
who Garrincha was, in
termsof footballingability,
private lifeandmentally, is
to try to imagine a hybrid
ofGazza andGeorge Best,
withalltheirtalentandall
their addictions, all their
naïveté and all their lust
for life - times it by 10
andyou’dbegettingclose.
Garrincha was born in a
small town outside Rio de
Janeiro called Pão Grande,
he was born into a simple
life to simple parents and
with legsbentandtwisted
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tothepointwherehereallyshouldn’thavebeenabletowalk, let alone kick a ball.Hisrightlegbentoutwardsand his left leg bentinwards, some people saythat this deformity helpedto confuse his opponents,whetherornotthatistrue,itisthereasonwhyhewassometimes referred to aso anjo com pernas tortas(TheAngelwithBentLegs).
Growing up in his smallbackwater town he wasabletopursuehis3passions–women,drinkandfootball(inthatorder),andhehadanotoriousappetiteforall3.Afterfailingtogetpickedbysome of Rio’s bigger clubs(they probably decided itwasn’tworthitafterseeinghislegs),hewaspersuadedtogiveBotafogoatry.Icanonlyimagineitwasacrueljoke, but when Manuel
Francisco dos Santos fromthe countryside rockedup with his bent legs, thecoaches decided it wouldbe fun to see him suffer,so they threw him in atthe deep end. Garrinchalined up against noneother than Brazil left back-NíltonSantos.Attheendofhis trial,SantosgrabbedGarrinchaanddraggedhimstraighttotheclubPresidentanddemandedhesigntheyoung winger there andthen,“sothat Ineverhaveto face him again!” Truestory. Garrincha spent thenext 13 years destroying,toying with, humiliatingand turning insideoutanypoorleftbackwhosejobitwastotrytostophim.He’dregularlyturnaLBinknots,land him on his arse, andratherthankickontowardsgoalhe’dstop,goback,waitforthedefendertogetback
on his feet and do it allagain! But when he wastoying with his opponentshe wasn’t trying tohumiliatethemonpurpose– the defining aspect ofGarrincha’sgameisthatheplayedforfun–whetheritwas a kick around in PãoGrande with his mates, infrontofapackedMaracanãwith Botafogo or winningtheWorld Cup in Swedenwith Brazil it was alwaysjustagameforhim.Hedidnothing but entertain thecrowds–andhewaslovedforit.OneofthethingsthatgrabbedmyattentionwhenI firstdiscoveredGarrinchawas his nickname; theseare vitally important inBrazilian culture and the
namesthathavebeengivento Brazil’s best have beenstrong, imposingnames:ORei (The King – Pelé), OImperador (The Emperor –Adriano),Ofenômino(ThePhenomenon – Ronaldo)and yet Garrincha – thegreatest of them all, ispraised for the gentlest ofgifts – bringing joy to thepeople.
Being blunt about it,Garrincha was thick. Hewas untrainable. Coacheswould go over tactics andstrategy for hour after
hour with him, he’d sayhe understood, get on thetraining pitch and woulddo anything but what thecoach had asked him todo. Exasperated, the coachwouldgivehimabollocking,he’dshrughisshouldersandsay,“ButIscored.”Herarelyknew who he was playing– and I’m not just talkingabout which defenders hewasup against; Imeanhehadnoideawhichclubhe’dbeplaying.Thereareplentyofstoriesabouthimputtinghissocksonandaskinghisteammateswhotheywereabout to play. Names ofopponentsandteammateswere difficult for him soeveryonewas‘João’(‘John’).It didn’t matter, he’d get
theballanddowhathedidbest–he’ddribble.
In the 13 years thatGarrincha played for thenational team, Brazil neverlost when Garrincha andPelélineduptogether.Notonce.Inthebuilduptothe’58WorldCupeveryonewastalking about the Sovietsand their new, scientificapproach to sports, andfootball in particular. ThelooselydisciplinedBrazilianswere worried – but noamount of sports sciencecan account for pure
Garrincha lined up against none other than Brazil left back - Nílton Santos. At the end of his trial, Santos grabbed Garrincha and dragged him straight to the club President and demanded he sign the young winger there and then, “so that I never have to face him again!”
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genius. It was Brazil, andGarrinchainparticular,thattook immediate controlof their groupmatch. Thefirst3minutesofthegame,whichincluded3Garrinchadribbles and his hittingthe post, are consideredto be the best 3 minutesof football ever produced.The Brazilians got to thefinalwheretheybeattheirhosts 5-2. It was a bitif a disappointment toGarrincha,“Is that it? Butin the Carioca (Rio StateChampionship) we playthem twice!” As well aswinning the world cup heevenmanagedtofatheranillegitimate son to one ofhis hotel’s chambermaids,therascal.
4yearslaterGarrinchahadestablished himself as oneof the leading players oftheseleçãoandwhenPelégot injured in the secondgroup match Garrinchabecamethemainman.Hewentontodowhatonly1other player in the historyofthesporthaseverdone– single handedly won a
WorldCup.HecarriedtheBrazil team to the semi-final where he received ared card at the endof thematch against the hosts,Chile,havingfinallyreactedto the rough treatmenthehadbeenreceivingfromhisopponents and the crowd.Somehow*ahem*theCBFwasable toappeal againsthis ban for the final so heplayed, Brazil won, andGarrincha was on top oftheworld.
I mentioned Best andGazzaearlier,andlikethemGarrinchawasanalcoholic.While training he’d showthe manager that he wasdrinkingwaterbuttheclearliquid in his water bottlewasneatcachaça.LikeBestandGazzathedemondrinkwoulddragGarrinchadowntohispredictable,inevitableandshockinglysaddemise.Ashegotolderandhisbodycouldnolongerprocesstheamounts of alcohol beinginflicted on it he began tolosehispace.Hewasunfit.Hewasbeingfoundoutbynormal,everydaydefenders.
His personal life was intatters – he was marriedtohischildhoodsweetheartbut she never left PãoGrande– she stayed therewiththeir7daughterswhilehechasedskirtalloverRio.Whilstdrinkdrivinghehada head-on collision with alorry,theaccidentkilledhispassengerimmediately–hismother-in-law. Botafogobegan to abuse their starby signing up for gruellingtoursaroundEuropetoplayexhibitionmatchesinwhichGarrincha was contractedto play, but his kneescouldn’tcopesohereceivedinjections tohold thepainatbayjustlongenoughtofulfil his obligations. Hewasn’t clever enough tonegotiatethebusinessside
of his career – he would
signblankcontractsaslong
as the club would keep
him in beer money. He
wasdragged toEngland in
1966, old, overweight and
finished-hewasashadow
ofhisformerself.Hecame
homeanddivorcedhiswife
to shack up with samba
singer Elza Soares which
made him a villain in the
eyesofthecatholicpublic.
Botafogo threw him out
and he bounced around
from club to club trying
to reignite his career. He
neverdid.
ManéGarrinchadiedatthe
age of 49 of cirrhosis of
the liver, in the street and
broke.Hewasthebrightest
star to have shone on our
gameandhewasdiscarded,
neglected by his friends,
his clubs and his country.
He should always be
rememberedwithprideby
theBraziliansasareminder
ofwhattheyhavebrought,
and what they can still
bring,toojogobonito,but
theyshouldalsoremember
him with deep shame as
a reminder what they, as
a society, are capable of
doing–eventothosethat
bring so much joy to so
many.
Players In Cost
Wijnaldum £14,500,000
Mitrovic £13,000,000
Mbemba £6,900,000
Toney £300,000
Thauvin £12,000,000
Total £46,700,000
Players Out Cost
Alnwick Released
RyanTaylor Released
Gutierrez Released
Campbell Released
Streete Free
Abeid £1,500,000
Santon £2,800,000
Total £4,300,000
WhentheTrueFaitheditoraskedmetowritea3,000wordarticleonwhetherNewcastlehadspentenoughcashoverthesummer,Ididn’tthinkitwouldbeaproblembutwasunlikelytotakethefull3,000words.InfactIcouldprobablymanageitinasinglesyllable(itrhymeswith“woe”).
“ANDY - CAN YOU ASSESS WHETHER THE CLUB INVESTED ALL IT COULD OVER THE SUMMER? 3000 WORDS”
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When the True Faitheditor asked me to writea 3,000 word article onwhether Newcastle hadspent enough cash overthesummer,Ididn’tthinkitwouldbeaproblembutwas unlikely to take thefull 3,000 words. In factI could probably manageit in a single syllable (itrhymeswith“woe”).
At the time of writing,with 8 games gone, wesit bottom of the Leaguewiththesamenumberofpoints as I have on mydrivinglicence.Andthat’s
despite spending nearly
£50m in the summer.
But who knows, with the
purchaseofCharlieAustin,
we might have been
hitting the dizzy heights
ofsecondbottombynow.
As supporters, no matter
whatisspentbytheclub,
we always think that we
shouldbepushingforthat
extra signing, that final
pieceof the jigsaw (or in
our case the first piece).
But realistically, did we
spendallthatwecouldin
thesummer?
Well despite supporterdemandsandexpectations,therearecertainlimitstowhataclubcanspend:
1. the funds that the club has accrued through their business activities and;
2. the amount the club are prepared to borrow;
3. the amount that the bank are prepared to lend the club;
4. the personal wealth of the owner and how much of that personal wealth
they are prepared to invest in the club;
5. compliance with the Financial Fair Play Regulations;
6. anticipated future earnings;
7. Whether the appropriate players are prepared to come to NUFC?
Butbeforewehavealookat all that, let’s have arecapofwhatweactuallydid spend in the summerand how it compared tootherclubs.
Andrew Trobe
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Whilst we can never
be certain on the exact
fees commanded (these
were sourced from
transferleague.co.uk), we
canestimateanetspend
of about £42.4m. How
does that compare with
otherclubs?
Well Newcastle had the
6th highest net spend in
Europe over the summer.
Only European minnows
–ManCity,ManUtd,PSG,
RealMadridandACMilan
–hadhigher.
And we had the 3rd
highest net spend in the
Premier. Not too shabby
by our own very shabby
standards.
So could we have spent
more?
The first thing to look
at is what cash did we
physically have in the
bank during the summer
tofinancethosesignings?
Well unfortunately we’ll
not know until next
March when NUFC post
their 15/16 accounts. So
in the absence of those
accounts,let’sdowhatall
accountantsdoandguess.
Orwhatwecall“financial
forecasting”.
Club Spent Received Net
ManCity £154.2m £52.3m £101.9m
ManUtd £115.0m £72.0m £43.0m
Newcastle £46.7m £4.3m £42.4m
Chelsea £72.8m £35.2m £37.6m
Watford £34.9m £0.6m £34.3m
WestBrom £30.5m £6.7m £23.8m
Liverpool £88.0m £66.3m £21.7m
Leicester £26.9m £6.5m £20.4m
CrystalPalace £25.3m £5.0m £20.3m
WestHam £25.1m £5.0m £20.1m
Everton £20.1m £0.5m £19.6m
Bournemouth £19.0 £1.0m £18.0m
Sunderland £23.0m £9.1m £14.0m
Tottenham £53.2m £40.9m £12.3m
Arsenal £13.0m £2.3m £10.7m
Norwich £10.0m £0.1m £9.9m
Swansea £10.1m £0.5m £9.6m
AstonVilla £52.6m £44.5m £8.1m
Southampton £41.2m £37.5m £3.7m
Stoke £21.3m £18.0m £3.3m
Needless to say, myguesswork could comebacktobitemeonthearseinafewmonthstime.Butas I suspectmost readerswill have forgotten thisarticle, within secondsof moving onto the nextmore interestingpage, I’llriskit.
Weknowwehad£34.1min the bank last summer(2014).Byestimatingthecash-flow in 14/15, wecan hazard a guess as tothe money that was inthe bank this summer toallow purchases.This is alaborious process so feelfree to skip the next fewparagraphs if you can’tbear the excitement ofthis edge of your seataccounting.
First,weneedtocalculatethe operating profit orloss. This is basically theclub’srevenuelesscosts.
We know our match-dayreceipts likely reduced in14/15(despiteouraverageattendance remainingvirtually unchanged) as aresultofplayingthreelesshome games. We’ll alsoget reduced broadcastingincome (merit payments)due to our 15th placefinish.Whilst commercialrevenuehasrisenby86%from 11/12 to 13/14, Idon’t expect a huge risein 14/15 but it shouldincreaseslightly.
Next it’s expenses, thebulkofwhich ismadeupof players’ wages. This isa difficult one to predict(code for me not havinga Scooby). Despite not
signing a single playerin 13/14, our wage billincreasedbynearly£17mfrom theprevious season( jumping from £61.7mto £78.3m). The reasonfor this is still not clearbut it’s largely attributedto increased bonuses asaresultofour10thplacefinish (we’d finished16thin12/13).
Socanweexpectasimilarwagebillin14/15tothatof12/13asaresultofour15th place finish? Wellmaybe. I predict a smallreductioninwagecostsin14/15.
Player amortisation andprofits / losses on playersalesarethefinalvariableswhencalculatingtheprofitforlastseason.Explainingplayer amortisation willlikelyhaveyou lapsing inand out of consciousnesssoyou’llhavetotrustmewhen I say it’ll probablyincreasebyabout£5masaresultofplayerpurchasesmadelastseason.
Worth flagging up herethat player amortisation,despite the complicatedaccounting treatment,providesagood indicatorof a club’s playerinvestment.You’ll not besurprised to learn thatNewcastle’s amortisation(£19.6m in 13/14) wasone of the lowest in thePremier (Sunderland’swasover£30mandSpurs£50m)althoughitshouldbe acknowledged thatwesignplayersover longcontracts which reducesthe annual amortisationcharge.
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Finally, it’s profit /loss on player sales.Despite selling Debuchy,Tavernier and Yanga-Mbiwa for a total of£17.9m, I estimate thatprofitonplayersaleswillamount to about halfthat(againasaresultofaccountingtechnicalitiestoo complicated toexplain). We’ll lump thecompensationforPardewinheretoo(rumouredtobeabout£2.25m).
So that gives us anoperating loss of £1.1m(or a single bet on theroulettewheelforAshleyatAspers).
If you’ve managed tostick with this withoutlapsing into a coma,we’re nearly there now.We use the estimated£1.1m operating loss
2015
Operatingprofit/(loss) (£1.1m)
Amortisation&Depreciation £27.9m
EBITDA £26.8m
Player(purchases)/Sales £17.2m
Net Cash Inflow / (Outflow) £9.6m
to estimate cash-flowduring14/15.
Add the £9.6m to the£34.1m and that givesus about £43.7m in thebank in the summer tofinanceplayerpurchases.Or just about coveringour net spend in thesummer.Hurrah.
Newcastlehaveadoptedapolicyofpayingtransferfeesupfront, ratherthanspreadingpaymentsovera number of years, sotheyoweotherclubslessthan£3million. Insomeways,thisisanadmirablyprudentapproach,but it
doesrestrictNewcastle’s
abilitytospendmoreon
bringingplayersin.
So any cash spent over
and above our bank
balance would need tobe borrowed.Would thebankbepreparedtoloanus the money? Well, itdoesn’t really matter.Why?Becausewehaven’tloanedanycashfromthebank since 2010. In factall our external loanswith banks have beenpaid off and replacedwithanothersingleloan.To Mike Ashley (£129mat the last count in thesummer2014).
This is thedebtpositioninthesummerof2014.
Soanyadditionalfundingwould need to comecourtesy of MikeAshley.Andthisbringsustothenext crucial point. Thepersonal wealth of theowner and how muchtheyarepreparedtogivetheirclub(seeopposite).
Since 2008, Man Cityhave been owned bySheikhMansour,whohasan estimated individualnet worth of at least£17 billion and a familyfortune of at least $1trillion. SheikhMansourbought the club in2008 for £210 millionin a much publiciseddeal and has since
accumulated annuallosses of £535 millionexcluding approximately£200 million on facilityupgrades.
Since the Abu Dhabibuyout, Man City havespent an astonishingthreequartersofabillionon players (£752m). Anet spend of £537mor £77m per season.In addition, they haveinvestedheavilyininfra-
structure and the localarea(notthatMosssideneededitobviously).
A year before the AbuDhabi buyout, MikeAshley purchasedNewcastle United.The table below showsthat Ashley is the thirdrichest Premier Leagueowner (source: 2015ForbesRichList).Priortothis summer, Newcastlehadmanagedatotalnetspendofabout£25morabout£3maseasonsincetheAshleytakeover.
To be fair toAshley, thebulkofhiswealthistiedup in his Sports Directholding but I think itsafe to say he won’t besuffering from the cutstotaxcredits.
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Sowehaveseentheeye-
watering sums spent on
transfers by the richest
ownersinthePremier.
Withoneexception.
Thecolossallossesrackedup by several premierleague clubs reflect theinvestment they’ve madein their playing squads.And the owners of thoseclubs subsidise thoselosses through personalloanstotheclub.
And to be fair to ourerstwhile benefactor, hehas loaned a fair chunktoNewcastletosubsidiseour huge losses prior to2010. But there are twobigdifferences.
Firstly, the money thatAshley loaned Newcastlewasasaresultoffailuresat the club rather than
player investment (thatincluded the financialtrain wreck he inheritedfromShepherdaswell asthe 2009 relegation). Asalreadyhighlighted,Ashley
has loaned Newcastle£129m.
Toclearthedebt,hewouldhave to convert that debtinto equity (shares). Andthat brings me to theseconddifference.
In 2012, Sheik Mansourconverted £304.9m ofManCity’sdebtintoequityeffectively wiping out theclub’s debt. Abramovichdid the same with £340mthat he loaned toChelsea.Leicester ChairmanVichai Srivaddhanaprabhaconverted £103m debt toequity in 2013. Ellis Short£67matSunderland.Lerner(Villa)£90metc.
It’s the ultimate sign ofcommitment from theclub’s owner. It’s basicallyagift.AsDaveWhelan,theWigan owner, explained“theclubowesmequitealot of money, because ofloans I have lent it.WhatI am doing is convertingthoseloansintoequityandtakingshares.It’sadebt-for-equity swap, and I wouldadvocateeveryclub in thecountry looking into doingthat”.
ButAshleyhasn’tconvertedapennyofhisloantoequity.It’s still on the balancesheet as a loan which IsuspectAshleyfullyintendsinrecouping.
So Newcastle have totread a fine line. Unlikeother clubs where theyknow that any loans willeffectively be wiped out(i.e.convertedtoshares)bymore generous owners, atNewcastle we know thatanyloanthatAshleymakeswill ultimately have to berepaid.DowereallywanttobeinhocktoAshleyfortheforeseeablefuture?
Thatbringsusneatlytothenext limitation on transferspending. The club mustcomply with the UEFAFinancial Fair Play Rules(FFPRs).It’snotjustAshley’sperceived frugality which
Firstly, the money that Ashley loaned Newcastle was as a result of failures at the club rather than player investment (that included the financial train wreck he inherited from Shepherd as well as the 2009 relegation).
www.true-faith.co.uk tf 75
dictates NUFC’s transferbudget.TocomplywiththeFFPRs, the club must notmake excessive losses asdetailedinthetablebelowor they will face UEFAsanctions.
Thetableshowsthatclubsare allowed to make acombined loss of €30m(about £24m) over thethreeseasons13/14,14/15and15/16.
Weknowtheclubmadeaprofit in 13/14 (£18.7m)andI’veforecastedaprofitin14/15(about£10m).Sothe club could probablyaffordtoloseabout£52mthisfinancialyearandstillcomplywiththeFFPRs. Inotherwords,theFFPRsareunlikely to be a factor inwhatwecouldhavespentin the summer (unlesswe’d made an audaciousattempt to sign Messi inthesummer!).
Sotorecap,wehadabout£44m in the bank in thesummer,averyrichownerandnoparticularproblemsin terms of the FFPRs. Socouldandshouldwehavespentmore?
Well it’s my belief thatwhat drove our summerspendingspreemorethanany single other factor isthe impact on our futureearningsthatwouldresultfromrelegation.
I’m convinced that theclub opening up thepurse strings during thesummer was driven bythe fear of relegationandthecoststhatwouldcomewiththat.
Whenwewere relegatedin 2009, the impacton our finances weredamaging. A near 40%drop in our income. (seetableonright).
And that was just oneseason. If we hadn’t ofbounced straight back, thepercentagedropwouldhavegot progressively worse assponsors dropped away,parachutepaymentsceasedand even our magnificentsupportwaned.
And since then it’s got awhole lot worse. And thereason it’s got worse isalmost exclusively downto the current lucrativeTV deal. Whilst relegatedteamsnowreceive£59minparachutepayments(over4years),theTVincomeintheChampionshipisbuttonsincomparisontothePremier.Under the new TV deal,Premier League clubs areguaranteed a minimum£63m a season in thePremier(madeupofmeritmoney,facilityfeesandTVincome).Soarelegatedclubnowautomaticallylosesatleast£40minincomeeveryseason.Ouch.
And when you considerthat£63mistheminimummediaincomeforaPremierclub,thecostsofrelegationin reality are likely to bemuch higher. For example,eachplaceyouclimbupthePremier League table, theclub earns an extra £1.2mmeritpayment.Sothecostsof relegation compared toevenamid-tablefinishwillbenorthof£50minmediapaymentsalone.
And shortly the deal getseven bigger for PremierLeague clubs. Sky and BTSport have paid a record£5.136bn for live PremierLeagueTV rights for threeseasons starting from2016-17. The deal meansthat each game will costa staggering £10.2m or£1,887 per second! Andthat doesn’t include theinternationalTVrights.
In 13/14, bottom placedCardiff received twiceas much TV money asBundesliga winners BayernMunich (and £24m morethan La Liga winners,Athletico Madrid). RichardScudamore, the PremierLeagueChiefExec,summedit up nicely. “Burnley are
economically bigger thanAjax”. And that is beforethenewdeal.Thatgapwillwidenfurtherafter16/17.
AndAshley will, of course,be terrifiedonmissingouton this windfall. And thatmight even mean someadditional spending inJanuary(I’veheardrumoursof a further £50m forteam strengthening). Andthatbringsmetomyfinalconstraint.
Whoonearthwouldwanttocometoaclubbattlingrelegation? We’ll not bein a position of strengthto attract and negotiatewith potential signings inJanuary.To persuade themtocomehere to fight inarelegationbattlewillsimplymean we have to provideincentives. In other words,morecash.
To conclude, it would bechurlishnottoacknowledgethat Newcastle spent bigin the summer. Did theyspend all they could? No,probablynot.Timewill tellwhether that’s a decisionthat they may come toregret.
08/09 £m 09/10 £m Change % Change
Matchday 29.0 20.9 -8.1 -28%
Media 37.6 16.1 -21.5 -57%
Commercial 19.4 15.4 -4.0 -21%
Operatingincome
86.0 52.4 -33.6 -39%
it’s my belief that what drove our summer spending spree more than any single other factor is the impact on our future earnings that would result from relegation.
www.true-faith.co.uktf 76
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TF WEEKLY PODCASTAND RADIO SHOW
Inlatteryears,thetruefaithPodcastshavebecomeoneofthemostpopularelementsofourcontent.NowledbyPod-Father,AlexHurstandhisPod-Squadwearenowputtingoutregularepisodestoanever-growingbandoflistenersacrosstheBlack&Whiteplanet.TheyarebecomingMASSIF.
The Podcasts regularly
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Our listeners tell us they
variouslylistentothetrue
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The Podcasts aren’t a
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would like to join the
podcastsasacontributor,
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More recently, the
Podcasts have taken
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Tune in on radio northumberland7.00pm Friday night
Listen here
PostcardsFromThe EdgePaully
“Takeshi’sCastlewasnotbuiltinaday”;toquotethatfamousBelgianphilosopherErikvanTalksrubbish.Timeisofcourseoftheessencebutwenowresideinan‘instantworld’whichhasdestroyedpeople’spatiencelevels.Instantlotto;instantcoffeeandinstantgamingarejustsomeexamples.YoucanevengetaninstantbloweroffaChineseroly-poly,dwarfcalledBrendawholivesinHebburnsimplybysendingheratextmessage(apparently).
tf 78
Istillthinkthatit’stooearlyto judge Schteve but therehave been several worryingsigns so far. His persistenceearlier on to pairAnita andColback inthewarzonethatis the middle of the parkeven though two anorexichamsterscarrymoreweightandheightwasbaffling.Theysimply cannotplay togetherand if one of them has toplaythenitcertainlywouldn’t
be Wearside Jack albeitI am a proud gingeriest
soImightbebiasedagainsthim. Some of his in-gamemanagement has beenpeculiar to say the least.Several substitutions haveleft me severely scratchingthe top of my head and Ihope that he has not beingdoinglikewisebecausethereisn’tmuchleftofthatislandasitis.
Themostgallingaspectwashis insistence to keep PerezoutoftheteaminfavourofObertan for the majority ofouropeningmatches.IknowmanyoftheDutcharebanginto their drugs so perhapsSchteve was completely off
his tits all summer hencethis ludicrous decision. Forme,Perezisourbestplayerand he should be the firstname on our team sheet.His touch, movement andawarenessaremajesticandI’mconvincedthatheisfullyawareofexactlywheretheinvisiblemanisatalltimes.He also has a magnificentworth ethic and he graftshis little Spanish arse offuntil the bulls come home.I’d love to seeusbuildourteam around him for thenextdecadebutweallknowthat won’t happen underAshley’s ownership. Let’sjust enjoy him while he isherewhichmorethanlikelywon’tbeforlong.
Ireallywanthimtosucceedhere because he seems alikeableblokewhopossessesa rather wacky smile buthe was nowhere near thetop of my list of potentialnew head coaches. Thereweremanyavailable in thesummerbutIamconfidentthatour‘footballboard’tookgreat time in interviewinga lot of candidates beforedeciding to give the gig to
www.true-faith.co.uk
Patience you must
have...
Schteve.Yes,thatactuallyis
aflyingpiginthesky.There
were rumours that Remi
Garde didn’t fancy life in
Newcastle due to the lack
ofartgalleries.Surelya trip
to see the art on the walls
of the toilets in the Black
Garterwouldhavechanged
his mind on that matter.
Theycertainlydon’tgetthat
type of majestic culture in
Paris.Ourownerstatedthat
hewantedtowintrophiesor
finishinthetopfour(trynot
tosplityoursides)andthena
fewmonthslaterappointed
ahead coachwho failed in
his previous four jobs and
whoenduredhavinghisP45
thrown in his face at two
ofthem.Sadly,weallknow
thatAshley’s ambition with
NUFC has nothing to do
with what happens on the
pitch.
Slap my face with a wet
hedgehog and call me
deluded but I genuinely
believe that NUFC under
an ambitious owner could
haveattractedJurgenKlopp
in the summer. He stated
that he wanted to manage
in England and that the
club did not need to be a
“topclub”.He’scharismatic,
infectious,aneccentric,loves
the booze and plays full-
throttle football; basically a
perfect fit forus.Dortmund
had just finished 13th
tf 79www.true-faith.co.uk
when Klopp took over and
he certainly reignited that
sleeping giant by winning
five trophies as well as
reaching the Champions
League final in eight years.
Mind, I don’t think that we
can still be classified as a
sleeping giant and perhaps
a comatose giant is more
suitable. I think he will be
a fantastic addition to the
leagueandIamveryjealous
oftheMickeyMousers.
I’m amazed that Ian
Wright’s gold tooth hasn’t
popped out of Pardew’s
mouthbecausehe is so far
up ‘Super Al’s’ (spew) arse
that it is embarrassing.The
annoying, hyperactive gob-
s**te (that’s Ian Wright
and not me) certainly has
it in for our fans due to
our treatment towards
his former teammate. The
rewriting of history about
Pardew’stimeherebyWright
aswellasmanypunditsand
journalists is unbelievable.
“Pardew did a magnificent
at NUFC”; did he really?
His record during his last
18 months was shambolic
and he would have been
sacked long before he left
atvirtuallyeveryotherclub.
“NUFCfansgotexactlywhat
they wished for”; did we
really? I must have missed
outonmyNationalLottery
winaswellasdailysexwith
MichelleKeegan.Iverymuch
doubt that any fan wanted
JohnCarverinchargeforfive
monthsandifthereareany
outtherethatdidthenthey
needtobesectioned.
Pardew; who is a Palace
cult hero (they must get
their ‘l’s’ and ‘n’s’ mixed-up
down there) because he
once scored a header from
twoyardsout inanFACup
semifinal,hasdoneagood
job so far. His managerial
CV shows that he always
has good starts before it
goes completely tits-up. I’d
laugh my bollocks off if he
continues doing well and
is then appointed as the
nextEnglandmanagerafter
Hodgson.Thewholecountry
wouldhavetoputupwithhis
inept cluelessness coupled
with his smarmy bull-
s**ttingpatter.Iamgetting
a twinge at the thought of
how the media would turn
on him when he sets the
national team out to play
aimless long hoofs towards
Vardy;convertsBarkley into
a defensive wide player;
fieldsthreeleftbacksatthe
same time and blames the
melodies of the Kazakhstan
national anthem for losing
tothem.
Speaking of former NUFC
managersthatI’dlovetosee
firmlytrappedinsidethejaws
ofastarvingsharkleadsme
nicely on to SamAllardyce.
Sunderland’s have done
their standard managerial
appointment two matches
beforeaderby.Iwouldlove
it; LOVE IT, if hippo-heed
relegatesthemlot.
Slap my face
with a wet hedgehog
and call me
deluded but
I genuinely
believe that
NUFC under
an ambitious owner
could have attracted
Jurgen
Klopp in the summer.
www.true-faith.co.uktf 80
The secret diary of Lee Ryderaged 44 and a half.
20/04/2015 Well diary, the day after THAT boycott at the Mecca on the hill at the Gallowgate. A day after Coach Carvs equalling the King’s record from last year of six-in-a-row defeats. Ah decided the boycott angle would probs already get covered by Neil ‘Cams’ Cameron here at Thomson House so decided to cover the Coach approach, i.e, who would be the next boss man at Newcastle United, who would be the man leading the black & white troops next year. Ah had something on this already as me and John are cush and ah always have a quote on tap from the man who would be King. As ever, you have to have great contacts in this game if you want to stay ahead of the rest, me? Ah’ve got contacts everywhere, it’s how you win awards, it’s how ah see the Trinity Mirror regional sports writer of the year award everytime ah look on me fire mantle piece, lol. Anyways, ah gets a bell off one of me non-football contacts and sometimes me best stories have come from these. The phone rang as ah was half way through watching ‘football factories’ on Sky. “Ryder speaking” ah says keeping it short and to the point, just like my articles. “How Lee! It’s Mala! Have you been on newsnow? There’s a link to a Talksport interview with Steve Howey with Alan Brazil. Reckons Carver is ganna get the job next season, like.” It was me old schoolmate, cockeyed Mala, an old pal and another of Ryder’s narks keeping me filled in throughout Tyne
& Wear, well, mebbees not so much the Wear bit, like. Ah thanked him and said ah’d see him alreet when ah got me new glasses and he had a pint with his name on it next time ah saw him. Ah quickly logged on to me lap top and went on the talksport link of newsnow and there it was, another gold dust opportunity to fill me loyal readers in with explosive news which they’d have struggled to hear about if it wasn’t for me reporting it. Ah got me story in the Ronny Gill pronto and ah hadn’t even left the house! Some people work hard, but the Knight Ryder works smart, Ah’m sure Alky Brazil wouldn’t mind iz using his interview and it was another piss easy bit of copy for iz in me never ending quest to keep me loyal punters up to speed with this crazy club of ours, ah’ll thanks to me contacts like Mala and Newsnow. Laters!
08/05/2015 Well ah’ve been a busy bee these last few weeks with all the fall out from the many defeats the lads in Black & white, or grey when we change strips, have been taking. Ah’ve been non-stop ‘on the United beat’ as the great Alan Oliver used to say.
Ah was in bed the other night in the middle of ‘European football factories’ which ah knew quite a bit of after me fact finding mission to Dortmund a couple of months ago, when me phone rang. “Hello, It’s Ryder, speak to me” ah said. The voice at the other said, “St. James’ Park. Half an hour. Be
prompt and bring a notepad and pen.” before hanging up. Ah
knew the voice, it was Danger
David Dunn
www.true-faith.co.uk tf 81
Mouse’s friend, Penfold look-a-like, the young
Toon supremo, Lee Charnley! Ah didn’t stop to
think for a second, which is my normal modoss
oper..., mrders, murders operation, err, is how ah
normally work, like. Ah gets to the SJP reception
just after midnight to be greeted by a night shift
receptionist who wasn’t normally there, the lass
explained it was her first shift and she was told it
was for one night only on a zero hours contract.
She sent me in to a dark, murky office with just
a single 40 watt lamp illuminating a small round
table with Penfold Charnley sitting on one side
of it and a spare chair on the other. Charnas then
told the lass to sign herself out and put two hours
on her agency works form which she seemed to
disagree on, she gans, “But Mr Charnley, I started
work at 11pm and now it’s 01. 17!” Penfold told
her that NUFC only pays to the nearest hour
and if she wanted to work here again she’d need
to understand that before turning to me as the
lass left looking at Charnas with a grateful smile
although it was hard to tell in the dark room,
ah got the feeling she was really grateful for the
two hours pay the club had put her way. “Lee,
we need a letter to the fans. It’s got to be from
our Captain whom they totally respect. We’ve
already tried Moncur, Beardsley and Carver, hell
we even got John Hall out of his nursing home for
a day and had to pretend we were taking him to
MetroLand, but the fans aren’t buying it. We need
Coloccini to get them to call off the protest. I’m
concerned we could get relegated and Mike will
go f***ing beserk if we go down and lose the tv
money. I’m f***ed here if we go down, he’ll make
sure I never get another admin job anywhere
including WH Smith in Northumberland street as
Mike knows their boss!”
Wow! The s**t really was starting to hit the fan
or fans in this case. “What can ah do for you, Mr
Charnley?” ah says. Charnas then told me me
that obviously Colo wasn’t going to write the
letter himself and that the fans would smell a
rat if my belle of the PR ball, Wendy wrote it as
she wasn’t on ‘the same level as the fans’ he said.
“Lee Ryder! We need you to write it for us. You
have the common fans touch. You speak their
language. Go ahead and write it down. Don’t use
word or excel, use a notepad.” Ah scratched me
head a bit at that, mind, why would he think ah
wouldn’t use me trusted notepad? Anyway, under
his glare ah scratched oot the words in that dark,
seedy room as if me journalistic career depended on it, which, let’s be honest diary, it f***ing well does! next thing ah knaa, Carvs walks in the room and takes the A4 off iz, winks at me and says, “Cheers wor kid! Your letter’s ganna be at tomorrows presser! Any news you need, any stories, just give iz a bell, Lee!”. F***ing champion! you can’t stop the boy Ryder getting into print! Plus ah was keeping me NUFC contacts going strong. Ah went back home in the early hours thinking, if only the fans knew the efforts ah put into making Newcastle United great again! It’s only something me loyal Chronicle readers will know and obviously love. Laters!
15/05/2015Alreet Diary? You never guess who ah was talking to the day, mind? Coach Carvs? Lee Charnley? Bob Moncur? Obviously wasn’t SuperMac as he’s not too popular in the corridors of SJP after being a bit critical of Mike. Have you guessed? If ah’d been on the bevvy and fancied some scran ah might get a TAKEAWAY from their place. If ah wanted to go into a JUNGLE ah’d ask them then ask them to GET ME OUT OF HERE! Would that be a clue? When ah was a foot soldier in the Toon Army ah was always getting READY TO RUMBLE, aye, that’s right diary, not only do ah rub shoulders with the Premier League elite, ah’m on first name terms with the bafta boys, the Geordie duo, one Mr Anthony McPartlin and one Mr Declan Donnelly aka, Ant & Dec! Ah was at the Thomson House canteen this morning getting meself a full English as ah needed some scran on me stomach after ah’d had a bit of session after work yesterday. Ah got me scran and sat down with the Chronicle marketing kid, Cardboard Chris. Canny kid was ‘Cardboard’ but ah knew he wouldn’t be sitting with me long as he had beans with his breakfast and he’d have to eat it quick before it soaked through his cardboard takeaway box. Chris would never use a plate even if he was eating in the canteen, at first he got loads of sympathy off the lasses as they all thought the poor c*** had a china plate phobia but it just turned out he had a cardboard fetish instead
www.true-faith.co.uktf 82
so now the lasses would never sit next to him in
case he had a stalker on. As ah sat doon Chris said,
“Are you gannin up to see Ant & Dec then, Lee?”
Ah replied, “Ant & Dec? What you gannin on aboot,
Chris?” It turned out that the Geordie superstars were
visiting Thomson House and were going to pick a
Newcastle United side to face QPR! Wow! But how
the f*** was ah not telt about it?! Ah clocked the
delicious Helen Danby, the editor, coming through
the door, “Helen! Helen! What’s the craic with Ant
& Dec? How come ah wasn’t telt aboot it?” Helen
says she sent me an e-mail but what Helen didn’t
know was that ah don’t do e-mails until a friday
afternoon. Ah worked out years ago that it was the
perfect excuse not to do something ah didn’t want
to do if ah never had time to do it if ah didn’t get the
e-mail till late on friday! Anyways, apparently they
were going to film the lads and some of us Journos
talking around the Thomson House meeting room
table about the Toon but it was then ah realised ah
wasn’t properly dressed for the cameras! Ah’d put on
a casual jumper this morning that ah quite liked but
it was more a comfy job, in fact it was dark blue with
patches on the sleeve and when ah looked in me
reflection of the glass door ah realised ah looked a
right clip in it, ah looked like one of me old geography
teachers! Anyways, ah just had to put up with me
jumper and had some great craic with the lads. Ah
asked if ah could get an invite to their London pad
next time we were away in the smoke and Ant said,
“Err, aye, err, Lee, err, i’ll give you my agents card, give
him a ring later, mate.” Anyways, it was yet another
great bit of stuff for my loyal readers to see, in fact
the only bad part of the day was Ant forgetting to
give his agents card. Never mind, ah’l get the card
next time. laters diary!
26/05/2015Ag-a-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree
Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the
knees
Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody
Eee, ya f***a, diary! What a class couple of days,
man! After Jonas scored THAT goal on the weekend
everyone at Planet NUFC was in party mode and
guess who was invited round to Casa Carvs house
for a celebratory drinkie poos? The only North East
media man with his finger on the pulse, that’s who,
the man they all go to for getting their points across to the punters, the man who is to straight forward sentence structure what Alan Pardew was to derby victories, yes it was me! Lee Ryder who got the media invite! Ah was round there cracking on with Willo who was back in Coach Carvs good books, and dancing to Black Lace as Carvs lass put out some scran and a geet big massive punch bowl with vodka, orange, white rum, peach brandy, grenadine, a bit sugar, brandy, a bit lemon juice, some southern comfort, (At Rob Eliot’s request) and some sherry. Carvs was f***ing blotto and couldn’t thank me enough for me support, “Lee, if it washnt for you, son, if it washn’t for you, wor kid, ah, how! Gouffs! bogs that way, f***ing mon ami......err, what was ah saying, Lee?” Ah stopped the chief Geordie at SJP, “john, divvent worry, man. You came good when it counted. A’hm all ower it in the Ronny Gill at the minute, mate. Ah’ve got a ‘One-in-a-row’ piece about THAT game and how you masterminded the club to safety with 90 mins to oblivion, Ah’ve got the 54th poll since you got the job, asking if the fans want you in charge, and ah think it might be a bit closer than the other 53 if I’m being honest, mate, think things might be swinging your way, mate.” Carvs then wiped away a tear and said, “Ya knaa yee, Lee, ah divvent care what they say,....hic!......Yer a canny kid.......Brenda! Have ya got Lee a drink, pet?.......What wash ah ......hic!......saying?.........Sammy! Get some more tunes on, nenn of that jungle garage s**te! Put Russ Abbot on youtube! Ah want an atmosphere, y’knaa, man, ask ya da, ah love a happy party with an atmosphere-ah!........Lee, ya a canny kid yee, like, ya f***ing came through with them Carver for the toon stories, ah f***ing love yee, son, f***ing great kid, yee, man......See you.......up here yee are.” Anyways, after drinking, singing and dancing ah made me way back home, ah was
www.true-faith.co.uk tf 83
well served but at least ah wasn’t as bad as Carvs
who was asleep, hanging over his hedge in his
front garden, with a can of stella in one hand and
a slice of Iceland pizza in the other! Lol. The Toon
are staying up and ah’ve got one grateful coach
eating oot me hands! F***ing jackpot! Ryder and
out!
10/06/2015‘Well now, well now’ as Lee Cattermole’s dad
once nearly said, what an amazing day at the
cathedral on the hill, new managers and a blood
letting of the coaching staff! Ah got a tip off
something big was happening when ah looked
out the window of Thompson House and saw
a Sky camera crew driving past, ah did think
it strange that they were onto it before me as
ah’d obviously gone above and be-f***ing-yond
helping the club out and Carvs in particular owed
me big time. Ah also knew Lee Charnley was over
the f***ing moon with my fake Colo letter and
if anything was happening I’d be the numero
uno, top banana to find out. But......there were
the sky bozo’s heading up to Casa St. James’.......
Hmmmmn. Anyways, ah thought Lee must’ve got
waylaid and couldn’t give me a bell so ah decided
to grab the black & white bull by the horns and
raced up to Gallowgate to find oot the Geordie
roar. As ah left Thompson House a Harry Bamp
was sitting ootside, stinking of piss and begging
for some dosh. The tramp said, “Howay, Mister!
can ya spare iz some money for some scran
and a few Charlie Chans? Ah’m a Toon Army
veteran, wor kid.” Ah looked down properly at
him wondering if ah’d recognise him from away
day skirmishes I’d heard about when ah clocked
the dial of none other than our recently departed
interim coach, John ‘Carvs’ Carver! “F*** me!”
ah says, “What ya deeing begging, John?” Carvs
replied that he’d built an extension on his house
expecting to pay it off when he got the job full
time and he owed Billy the Brick ten grand with no way to pay it. “Lee, man, if ah divvent raise the extra coin for Billy he’ll gan f***ing radge and ah’ve heard too many tales aboot what he can dee with that jagged edge spirit level of his that would have you touching cloth, wor kid.” Poor John, but poor Lee Ryder as well, this useless c*** was my meal ticket for the next few years and the daft c*** went and got himself sacked! What was ah ganna dee now? What ah was ganna dee was bung Carvs a tenner for owld times sake so he could get himself a few cans then ah was up to see who the new supremo was going to be. Ah got to the reception and the lass says to me, “Sorry Lee, media partners only.” Ah replied, “Wha, what? Ya having a f***ing giraffe, like, aren’t ya? After ah’ll the stuff ah’ve done lately? This is the thanks ah get? Ah’ll f***ing have words with Penfold next time ah see the c***. Ya can tell him that anaal!” Ah was aboot to carry on when ah saw a certain ginger quiff entering the SJP netty through the glass window down the corridor. Ah then turned the tap on the famous Knight Ryder charm that ah knaa the fanny lap up. Ah winked and said, “How, pet, ah’ve got to siphon the Python if ya knaa what ah mean? Ah need to water the bog plants with me Geordie man-hose if ya catch me drift?” While she looked at iz in stunned admiration ah nipped into the corridor and opened the bog door just as Schteve was putting his John Thomas away. Ah grabbed the initiative and his hand and shook it firmly. “Ryder, Lee Ryder. Top dog at the Evening Chronicle.” Schteve, said, “Err, Lee is it? You might want to wash your hands, son because I, err.... haven’t!”. Anyways, warmed by Stevey Mac’s concern not to mention his warm urine, ah did an imprompteded, err, an imprompadoo, err, a quick interview. Ah got in when all doors were locked to the former FC Twente boss and made sure my loyal readers got the Ryder take on the new man with a few words from Schteve himshelf, as they say in ol’ Amshterdam! Lol! Ryder and f***ing out!
tf 84
Players: Lawrence, McCra-cken, Hudspeth, Hewison, Low, Hay, Douglas, Hibbert, Pailor, Wilson, Goodwill, Veitch, King, Hall, Booth, Hampson, Finlay, Mellor, Higgins, Spink, Cooper, Little, McGough, Soulsby, Dixon, Cairns.
Division: Division 1 (15th w/ 32 points - Champions Everton w/ 46 points)
Manager: The Directors Committee continued to pick the side.
Trainer/Coach: James McPherson continued in his role as the coach of the side, although things slipped slightly from last season’s 11th placed finish.
SEASON60 SECOND CHRIS
LAws
Highest Att: As always, the home derby was the biggest attendance of the season. It wasn’t a great Christmas for Mags though, losing 2-5 to the team from Wearside on 25 December.
Lowest Att: A paltry 3,000 turned up at Liverpool to see an entertaining 2-2 draw in the middle of March. The lowest attendance on Tyneside was around 6,000, also in March, saw a 2-0 victory for United as they beat Chelsea.
Average Att: The aver-age attendance dropped a great deal this season (not surprising given the outbreak of World War I) and was down to 15,289. The average taking into
account of the cups was
a lot better, three home
matches against West
Ham, Swansea Town and
Chelsea knocking the
average up to 18,112.
Best Win: A 4-0 thrashing
of Spurs in NE1 was the best
it got this year in terms of
margin of victory, although
we did beat the Mackems
www.true-faith.co.uk
4-2 at their place on Boxing
Day, a day after a 5-2 home
reversal to the same team.
Worst Defeat: The afore-
mentioned 2-5 defeat at
home to Sunderland on
Christmas Day was the worst
things got this season. Well,
that and hundreds of thou-
sands being slaughtered in
Belgium and France.
Tommy Goodwill - Outside Left
Something of interest: This year marked the end of football pre-war, as the gates were shut to St. James Park in July 1915, as the war intensified. Attendances all season were low, as the call to arms was heard. Many in attendance on match-day this season at SJP were dressed in forces uniform attire. Over the course of the season, injured soldiers began to be seen in the Gallowgate crowd. At one point of the season, rifle fire was practiced on the pitch at St. James by NUFC footballers. War brought to an end the football sea-son on 28 April. On that final day of the season we beat Aston Villa with Tommy Goodwill one of the goalscorers. He would not return - killed in action.
Mentioned in dispatches: A very mediocre season for United, who were always far enough away from rel-egation from it to become a serious threat, were still too close for comfort to it for the locals. Remember, this was a club who had won the league just a few years back. At one stage United played without a recognised goalkeep-er when Bill Mellor was injured in warm-ups. Jock King took his place... and kept a clean sheet!
National Interest: Sheffield United won the FA Cup, beating Chelsea 3-0 in the final at Old Trafford. The competition was halted from this year until WW1 was over... A rail disaster near Gretna Green in Scotland kills 226 peo-
www.true-faith.co.uk tf 85
ple, mostly troops, as is the largest number of fatali-ties in a rail accident in the UK... Stonehenge is bought at auction for the princely sum of £6,600... Women are officially permitted to act as bus and tram con-ductors for the duration of the War in October this year...
Regional Interest: Mr Newcastle, one T. Dan Smith, a maverick and visionary Labour politi-cian, whose legacy to the city has been the central motorway, Swan House and other 60s Brutalist architecture, not to men-
tion the destruction of many beautiful “Grainger” designed buildings was born this year. There was the small matter of a later jail sentence for corruption but if you want to know more – click here .
In 1863 a Special Committee of the Justices of the Borough of Newcastle upon Tyne was set up under the provisions of the 1853 Pauper Lunatics Act to con-sider what provision should be made for the pauper lunatics of the Borough. The Committee decided that Newcastle should build a new asylum and a site was
War brought to an end the football season on 28 April. On that final day of the season we beat Aston Villa with Tommy Goodwill one of the goalscorers. He would not return - killed in action.
purchased at Coxlodge. It
was to become St Nicholas’
Hospital. Or St Nick’s to
locals. The Newcastle
Borough Lunatic Asylum,
Jubilee Road, Gosforth
opened in 1869. The
Asylum was supervised
by the magistrates until
1871 when Newcastle
City Council took over this
responsibility. Between
1915 - 1920 the hospital
was turned into a military
hospital and the mental
patients were dispersed to
other institutions.
Chris Laws.
Follow @tflawsy1892
Depression, drugs, delusion
and Mr Ashley,s Big Shop
We,wefansofNewcastle
United,aredeluded.
But not the sense of
deluded you may think I
mean.
I mean something
markedly different from
the accepted, Pavlovian
narrativechunteredoutby
fellow football fans and
AuntSallieslikeIanWright
about Newcastle United.
The term “deluded” as I
understanditinthispiece
is more in line with the
“classical”meaningof the
RICHARD FOSTER
Incendiary Magazine
(A)culturewhichvaluesonlyoptimismwillproducepathologiesofpessimism;
aneconomybuiltaroundcompetitivenesswillturndefeatismintoadisease.
(WillDavies)
‘To be categorically clear, I’m not going anywhere until we win something.’ (Sauron)
word: “An idiosyncratic
belief or impression
maintained despite being
contradicted by reality
or rational argument,
typically as a symptom
of mental disorder.” I’m
interested in themadness
that lies in the gap
betweenwhatwe take to
beNewcastleUnited, and
whatwephysicallyengage
withastherealNewcastle
United, (aka Mr. Ashley’s
BigShop)weekonweek.
Here’s a theory. Just
a theory, mind. The
Newcastle United we go
to,buymerchandisefrom,
collecthistoricalephemera
about, read about, watch,
or listen to in the media
has become - like many
otherBritishfootballclubs
- a dangerous delusion,
an expensive, injurious
distraction in our daily
lives.Further,thisparticular
“version” of Newcastle
United is becoming
injurious to our mental
andemotionalhealth.Yes,
these things have been
airedbefore.Pubtalk, the
half-truths and whimsy
that somehow form a
fullworld-viewwhenyou
stagger home from the
local.ButIamincreasingly
convinced that modern
footballfandomisastate
that endangers our sense
ofwellbeingandkeepsus
down, locked into a form
of irrational unhappiness
that has no right to be
such a force in our lives.
Thisiseverywhere,it’snot
justusandourdiscontent
with our latest Squire. In
tf 86 www.true-faith.co.uk
indulging in the whole“Mags are deluded” ranton Sky, Twitter or 5live(a state funded, on-airasylum if ever there wasone) the media parrotsand the fans who copythemprovetheirdelusionis mirrored in their ownlives, and just as huge,just as blindly controllingas ours. To paraphraseJagger at Altamont; whyis everyone in the UK soangryaboutfootball?
And what on earth arewe doing with our timeon this planet, as humanbeings, in relation to“our”famousoldfootballclub? The word “our” isimportanthere.Maybehedidn’t fully realise it, butby saying the club was“ours” club last season,Charnley compoundedour unhappiness andimpotence by makingthewholethingpersonal.It may be “ours”. Butrelatedtoyouthereader,or me the writer, “our”clubwhenit’srevealedas“our” club doesn’t existlongenoughphysicallytodoanythingfundamentalabout fixing the currentmalaise.Theclubas“we”ownitexistsinhundredsof thousands of minds,
or local functions andtap rooms, and comestogetheronamatchday.Charnley was taking aleaf from Kitchener inthe famous recruitmentposter. He was pointingat you and your senseof loyalty and desirefor betterment. Thereis no collectivism atwork here. Charnley ispassing the buck andsaying the responsibilityto fix the mess is also“our”problem.Likesomemotorbikewithnowheelsthat sits in our garage(one we’re going to douponeday)theideathatwe have control overeverything that is“ours”in this modern world, isa delusion. We are allindividuals in this battleand that’s the massiveproblem.
The quote at the topof this article is takenfromafeatureofWilliamDavies’s book, “The Happiness Industry”.Thebookdealswith theway “the psychologicalstateoftheindividualnowbecomesatargetfortheaccumulationofcapital”.Davies propoundsthat it is increasinglydifficult to see the
value of pharmaceuticalprescriptions for theindividual sufferingfrom mental “issues” or“disorders”. Davies raisesthe suspicion that suchdrugs are created by anindustry that sees thewider value in creating amarket that constantlyrefreshes, and replenishesitself under the guise of“welfare”. And the moraldilemmas of such druguse are often (throughthemantrasof“individualempowerment” and“betterment”) left tothe conscience of theindividual, or the resultof peer pressure withinorganisations. Again, thisisn’t a particularly newargument, and not oneconfined to the mentalhealth industry. I’d urgeyou to check out thehistory behind the “Forced March” pills of the First World War.
The main point is that(individual or social)coercion to be “better”,forcesustodothingsthat
start to make us bloodyunhappy, sometimesraving mental in ourindividual lives. Let’squoteDaviesoncemore.
In a post-1960s era of‘self-anchored striving’,what can people possiblyhold in common otherthan a desire for morehappiness? And whathigher purpose coulda psychological expertpursuethanthereductionofunhappiness?
Imagine if the club is adrug company. It makescapital from our senseof duty to our idea ofhappiness; one whichis inextricably linked to“our” version of the club.This happiness which isalso linked to our ownsenseof“betterment”andourownsenseof(bought)happiness. We pay, wecanboo,orcheer. It’sourcontract. Our ultimateright.Orsowethink.
AndImagineifNewcastleUnited as we know itnow didn’t exist. Imagine
indulging in the whole “Mags are deluded“ rant on Sky, Twitter or 5live a state funded, on-air asylum if ever there was one...“
www.true-faith.co.uk tf 87
Ashley pulled the plug,
orthestadiumfelldown
a massive sink hole.
And let’s take Davies’s
idea of “self-anchored
striving” as a moral
individual responsibility
to “betterment” in the
pursuit of happiness.
What would we replace
it with? I doubt if
anyone would say:
“more thesame,please!
Oh wait, maybe we
need more overpriced
processedbeef clippings
masquerading as a
popular form of meat-
basedsnackandperhaps
atadmoreSportsDirect
advertising”. Of course
we’d all want better.
Maybe a team full of
local lads, or Irish and
Scottish lads. If it were
down to me I’d have
humble ladswithcentre
partingscalledAlforJack
from Glasgow or Derry,
who’d have modest
lodgings inWindy Nook
andboots that look like
armouredcars.Don’ttell
methesamethinghasn’t
crossed your mind. We
are being “loyal” (after
our own fashion, and in
my case the stories my
granda and dad told) to
our notion of a“better”
NewcastleUnited.
But I HATE the idea of
loyalty when applied
to Newcastle United. I
think it’s a remarkable
phenomenon with the
club (one shared with
onlyafewclubs,anddue
to social and historical
contextsthathavebeen
welldocumented)butit is
notabindingone.Andwe
do well, as human beings
with lives aside from
this club to remember it.
Because one fundamental,
never-changing thing
about loyalty is the easy
wayitisexploited.No-one
winsprizesforloyalty.
Here’s the rub. Why the
flyingf***dowefeelallof
this fixing and rebuilding
and embodiment of
“loyalty”isdowntous?I’d
say paying our money to
booandcheer isNOTour
contract, or our ultimate
right. Our ultimate right
is to see through all the
contracts we think we
have with the club and
see them as a delusion.
Theloyaltyweshowcould
well be a delusion. Maybe
that’s whyweare at each
other’s throats. We know
that something is wrong
but cling to, and act out,
the things that make us
unhappy;thinkingtheyare
ouremotionalsalves.
But you know the GREAT
thing in this argument is
that betterment for the
individual can mean the
total opposite of what
the market tells you
is betterment. All very
DouglasCopeland.Allvery
Generation X. But you
don’t have to care about
Mr. Ashley’s Big Shop
thinking it is something
else, because caring is, in
thisparticularcontext,isa
delusion.
Acid Arab - Hafla
I can’t get all sombre on your collective arse on this
thefirstfreeversionofTrueFaith.Here’ssomecracking
MusickethatcanhelpgetyououtoftheVeilofTears
andsmashthroughthegatesofHeaven.Yowsa.
John Maus - Believer
Rotterdam Termination Source - Poing
Implog - Holland Tunnel Drive
tf 88 www.true-faith.co.uk
Jean-Michel Basquiat & Tuxedomoon - Desire - (from “Downtown 81”)
www.true-faith.co.uk tf 89
O’NeillNorthern Ireland’s Euro2016 qualification underthestewardshipofMichaelO’Neill made me checkoutsomenostalgicfootagefrom the 1980s on-line.O’Neill, of course, was the386th young man to bedubbed “the new GeorgeBest”afterhearrivedfromColeraineinOctober1987.Slightofbuildwithpossiblythe whitest limbs of anyhuman being ever, I oncesaw him in Bainbridge’s(John Lewis? Pah) flirtingwith girls at the perfumecounter while I used theKuros test pot nearby
before catching theX25backtoHighPit. A recentChronicle article
charted his time at SJPalongside Mirandinha andGascoigne.Iremembertheyear well - the Greenall’sshirts,thedemolitionoftheoldWestStand.WhenIreadthatO’Neillmadehisdebutin a 0-4 defeat at Lutonontheplasticpitch,Unitedwore a one-off all-blueUmbro kit with no badge.Defeats against Lutonwere all the more gallingdue to their chairmanbeing David Evans - ToryMP for Welwyn Hatfield- and chief exponent of
the 100% membershipschemeandawayfanbans.Evans, of course, famouslypenned a letter to theTaylor enquiry slating thebehaviour of ticketlessLiverpool fans in previousfixturesheattended.Lutoncaptain Steve Foster wasa risible David Speedie-esque hate figure amongNUFCsupportersfollowinghis antics with Brightonin a 1985 FA Cup fixtureandsubsequent‘hardman’incarnations. United wonthe return fixture 4-0 - agamebestrememberedforBlakelaw’smanabouttownKenny Wharton sitting ontheball.
O’ pleaseOkay, I admit it.There aretimes when I look aroundat owners of other clubsand wonder if we reallyought to be acceptingof our lot. Not satisfied,just accepting. I think ofTan at Cardiff (changingclubcolours),AllamatHull(changing club name) andthe utter incompetence ofthe Venky’s, Briatore, andMandaric, and wonderif we got off lightly. ThefinancialaffairsofHicksandGilletteatLiverpoolandthehumanrightstransgressionsof Shinawatra at ManCity are arguably of more
tf 90 www.true-faith.co.uk
significance, but MassimoCellino at Leeds takes thebiscuit. Ditching the club’skit deal with Macron andincurring a £5M legalclaim is a mere detail ona charge sheet which listsover30legalchallengesfornon-payment or breakingof contracts and likelyemployment tribunalsfor unfair dismissal ofstaff.ButjustwhenIbegintoreconcilethatwemightnot have it so bad (worthadding here that manysupporters of the clubsmentioned above wouldsay we have it the worst)you see a story about thehealth and safety recordof Sports Direct at theirShirebrookbasehittingthepress.Sowenowknowthatambulanceswerecalledonmore than 80 times in 2years-36visitsweretotend‘life-threatening’conditions- leavingaconclusionthatstaffwereat thesitewerejeopardising their healthfor fear of losing theiremployment. One womangavebirthinthetoilet.Thisfrom a company whichannounced a 20% rise inpre-tax profits to £300MinAprilthisyearandwhichhas 20,000 staff - 78% ofthe workforce - on casualcontracts.Thisisacompanywhichexpectsstafftohang-around unpaid for 25-45minutesaftereachshiftsothey can be checked forstealing before leaving.January,ofcourse,saw200stafflosejobsatanAyrshirewarehouse of subsidiarycompanyUSCamidbizarrecircumstances whereSports Direct re-purchased
the company after it hadgone into administration,while over 300 staff haveinitiated legal action forbeing excluded from thecompany’s bonus scheme.But let’s not forget ourfriends atW*ng* who, wearetold,arenowtargetingamoreaspirantdemographic-amove,nodoubt,toalignwith other narrative doingtheroundsofbeingontheside of the ‘hard-workingfamily’ as opposed to the‘feckless scrounger’. Nowall the talk is of helpingworking people who are“cash and credit cardrestrained”through1,509%APR.Wehaveallreadhowthe FCA investigation in2014 found W*ng* guiltyof unfair and misleadingdebt collection practices,forcing them to write-off£220M of customer debtleading you to seriouslywonder for the IQ of anyadult wearing a shirt withthe company’s monickeron display.Tory donor andventure capitalist AdrianBeecroft owns a major
stake inW*ng* and thereis an unsubtle correlationbetween Conservativewelfare reform and thenumberofpunters seekingloanswithhugeannualisedinterestrates.
Much has been writtenabout the damaging,manipulative and vulgarpracticesofeachcompany.That these are now thetotemic brands of ouroutward identity is adeconstructionofthesoul.
O’ hold onLook,themanwaskeentotellushowsoonwecouldexpect to see a change ofapproach but when yourearly fixture card featuresArsenal, Chelsea, ManUnited,ManCityandtrickyaway trips to West HamandSwansea,twasprobablybest to keep your powderdry.Exacerbatedbyastop-start pre-season againstsecond-string MLS sides,McClarenhasapointwhenhe talks of having a ‘real’look at his roster in livetimeEPLfixtures.McClaren
has just failed to see theratherglaringcontradictionin needing to build a sideover 3-4 transfer windowsbut asking to be judgedafter10games.
O’ not again
Ihaveneverinmylifetimeseen NUFC beat a goodSunderland side and I amyet to see NUFC beatenby one. The six in a rowstraplinemighthelpALoveSupreme sell a few mores**tt-shirtsto lonelymenwho still live with theirparents, but the latestsetback was undeserved.You would probably haveto go back to the 1954-55season to seeadecent(finishedfourth)SAFCbeatUnitedinacampaignwhichbroughttheFACupbacktoSJP. Sure, 0-3 is the onlystatistic that matters butthebeerwilltastesweetinMayifthatmeltedSpittingImage puppet takes themdownandwestayup.Sigh- realaspirationoncefilledmyheart.
www.true-faith.co.uk tf 91
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