Strategies for Dealing with Difficult Conversations and Negotiations “One of the greatest arts in life is learning how to disagree without being disagreeable”.Power of a Positive NO, William Ury
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Key Message
Having the ability to successfully engage in difficult conversations with clients, boards, bosses and staff is an important skill to successfully manage relationships and results.
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Types of Difficult Conversations
Disagreeing when the stakes are high
Dealing with rude and disrespectful behaviour
Saying “No” Delivering difficult news
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When do we need to Engage?
To determine if you need to have a difficult conversation ask yourself; what is at STAKE here?
What happens if you don’t have the conversation?
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Ineffective Ways to Manage Difficult Conversations
Avoid
Back Down
Combat
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Preparation is Key
Before anything else, preparation is the key to success~Alexander Graham Bell~
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Framework for Success
Prepare to Talk Prepare and Deliver an ABC Message Stop Talking and Start Listening Stay Cool Respond not Defend
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Prepare: Identify the Real Problem
What are the facts? What is the other person doing or saying that is causing a problem?
What is the effect/result of their action/inaction on you or others?
Remember your beliefs, assumptions and judgments about the situation are not facts!
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Prepare: Clarify your Goal
What are you hoping to achieve in having this difficult conversation?
Is it doable?
Is it within your control?
Is it productive?
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Prepare: Plan AheadFollow the Scout Motto: Be Prepared
Anticipate their reaction so you don’t get hooked
Know your back-up plan if you do not get cooperation or the conversation goes sour
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Prepare Your ABC Message
Accurate
Brief
Clear
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Brief
Decide what is most important and leave it at that-no dredging up ancient history
Avoid lengthy explanations Less is more
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Clear Get straight to the heart of the matter No hints or innuendo-give diplomacy a rest
Avoid blaming others
Avoid the feedback “sandwich”
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Deliver your ABC MessageDeliver your ABC Message
Be Calm Be Confident Be Neutral
This is about giving people the “straight goods” in a respectful and non-judgmental way
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Stop Talking Start Listening Turn the conversation over to the other
person and then Embrace Silence
The moments following the delivery of your message are the most difficult. Be prepared for the discomfort.
Give the other person the space to respond
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Listen Up! Listening is more than not talking. It is about
being present and curious
Listen with thoughtful attention to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. What are their concerns?
Resist the temptation to…interrupt
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Acknowledge the Other
Even if you don’t agree with what the other person is saying, you can acknowledge:
their perspective by conveying your understanding of what you hear their feelings by showing empathy or understanding
Acknowledgement is about Respect18
Why Bother? The key to having them “hear” your
message is having he confidence to listen to them speak without interruption
Everyone what to be heard and understood
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Stay Cool! Be prepared for a strong emotional
reaction or “push back”
Give them the space to have their
reaction Have your plan to stay calm, cool and
confident
Remember it is not personal20
Respond Not Defend
Pause before responding
Resist the temptation to respond in kind, back down, or become defensive
Be Calm. Be Concise. Be Confident.
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Wrap it Up
Re-state your message
Clarify misinformation/misunderstandings
Reiterate expectations and boundaries
Clarify what you have agreed to
Be Calm. Be Concise. Be Confident.
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Going forward…
Deal with issues as they arise Prepare for all of your difficult
conversations
If someone comes at you listen, question, acknowledge and then take some time…
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For More Information, Please Visit:
DianeARoss.com
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Resources
Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Shelia Heen, (Penguin Books, 2000)
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen R. Covey (Free Press, 1989, 2004)
Beyond Reason, Using Emotions as You Negotiate by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro, (Viking Penguin 2005)
Mistakes were Made (but not by me), by Carol Tarvis and Elliot Aronson, (Harcourt Inc., 2007)
Dialogue and the art of thinking together by William Issacs (Doubleday 1999)
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Resources Continued Fierce Conversations, Achieving Success, at Work &
in Life, One Conversation at a Time, by Susan Scott, (Berkley Books, 2002)
Taking the War out of Our Words: by Sharon Strand Ellison (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, 1998-2009)
Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when the stakes are high, by Patterson et al, (McGraw- Hill 2002)
First Break All the Rules: by Buckingham & Coffman (Simon & Schuster Inc.,1999)
It’s all Your Fault: 12 Tips for Managing People who Blame Others for Everything, by Bill Eddy (HCI Press, 2009)
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