TELL ME ABOUT IT | by Carolyn Hax
Woman upset that brotheris still close with her exes
HOROSCOPE | by Jacqueline Bigar
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)����� Zero in on whatyou want without hesitating.You’ll achieve an awful lotwith directness and yourseasoned charm. No signcan handle hot situations aswell as you. Use your skills,and surprises head your way.Tonight: Open up your armsto life.This week: Do researchbefore you take a standThursday.
ARIES (March 21-April 19)����� Step back and takeyour time making a decision.If you want to move into anew realm, make a consciousdecision to let go of an innateresistance. Once you shedsome skin, you could becomedeadly and assertive. Tonight:Take your time.This week: You are full offire and get-up-and-go. Becareful with investments andspending.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)����� Take your timeas you settle in and studya situation more carefully.What you perceive ishappening could beshockingly unrealistic. Eventspoint you in the correctdirection. Follow that path.Tonight: Happy at home.This week: Your creativitysurges. Plug this gift intoyour daily life.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)����� Surprises seemto keep heading in yourdirection, no matter whatchoice you make or what youdo. Relax with the moment.See what is important in thelong run, and make decisionsaccordingly. Tonight: Go withyour whims.This week: Lie low. Butwhen you are ready, count onhaving an impact.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)����� Step up to theplate and understand limitsand issues. You have a waythat draws many to you.Still, dealing with a difficultparent could have an impact.Evaluate and think. You’ll feelmore in tune if you relax.Tonight: A must show.This week: Immediatelyzero in on what you want.Thursday, be more laid-back.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)����� Surprises happenwhile dealing with others. Youmight want to try somethingdifferent, and someone flatlyopposes you. A debate mightoccur. Don’t let it becomeany more than that right now.Tonight: Enjoy the closenessyou have with another person.This week: Your insight definesa professional matter, or onewhere you take the lead.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)����� Youmight need to goanother way or do somethingdifferently. When plansexplode, use the opportunity toyour advantage. What did younot include?What would youreally like to do? Answer thesequestions, and you will knowwhat to do. Tonight: Get asmuch R and R as possible.This week: Your perception isdifferent from an associate’s.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)����� Possessivenessmarks many of yourinteractions; a lack of controlhits where you least expect it.Be sure-footed and confidentbefore you make a decision.Someone might be sweet onyou. Tonight: Treat yourself.This week: Ask questionsand schedule meetings. ByThursday, you will have a lotto consider.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)����� Be wise anddynamic as you look for newperspectives. Look at whatevolves. Consider a trip witha loved one in the near future.You make anything possible.The unexpected occurs out ofthe blue. Tonight: Look at thebig picture.This week: Carry theresponsibility for a petproject, and you’ll get laurels.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)����� If you likeexcitement, you are likely toget just that. You might be atthe end of your rope dealingwith others. Know when topull back and give othersspace. Tonight: Say yes toliving.This week: You are the wayyou are. Others comment.Just be yourself. Drop anyinsecurity.
IF YOUR BIRTHDAY IS TODAY: Your emotional and financial se-curity keep coming to the forefront as main issues in 2008. Howyou deal with these issues could vary. Sometimes you mightbe angry with a partner. Other times, you have a vision for thefuture. If you are single, you will meet someone quite different,
or while traveling you might encounter your “special” person.Be ready to walk in a new direction. If you are single, you meshdeeply with your partner, feeling closer than ever. Sometimesyou might have your differences, but they work in your favor.Pisces can hold you back, for better or worse.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)����� Let creativityflourish, and you’ll come upsmiles. How you deal withsomeone might radicallychange with knowledgeand hindsight. Open up topossibilities, and you will havemuch to smile about. Tonight:Let the wild spirit in you out!This week: You are pushingso hard. Others wish youwould lighten up on Thursday.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)����� When left aloneand spontaneous, you arenot only loving, but also aball of fire. Both sides of yourpersonality emerge. Knowingwhat you want proves to beextremely helpful. Listen tofeedback. Tonight: You arepersonality plus.This week: Deal withfinancial questions ratherthan walk away from them.
The stars show the kind of day you’ll have: 5-Dynamic; 4-Positive; 3-Average; 2-So-so; 1-Difficult.Q: My daughter “Teri” andson “Mark” have alwaysbeen close and includedeach other in their sociallives. A couple of years ago,Teri’s fiance broke their en-gagement. She was veryhurt, of course, but severalmonths later she met hersoul mate and is now hap-pily married. About a yearago, she had a falling outwith her best friend.The problem is that her
brother still considers thesepeople his friends. Everyonelives in different cities, sothere is no chance of anyonerunning into each other. ButTeri feels thatMark’s contin-ued friendships are a betray-al, and Mark doesn’t thinkshe has the right to decidewhom he’s friends with.Is one person right, or is
there a way to compromise?The issue of the boyfriend ismostly about hurt feelings.They had been together forseveral years, and Teri want-ed to get married. He wentalong with it for a while,then admitted he didn’t re-ally want tomarry her (afterwedding plans and depositswere already involved).The falling out camewhen
the best friend made callsto several mutual friendssaying she was worried thatTeri’s new husband mightbe abusive. I’m not awareof what caused her to saythis, but my daughter as-sures me it’s not true, and Iabsolutely believe her.
A: This problem could go awayin three words, except thatneeding to hear these words isexactly what makes someoneunwilling to hear them:
Teri, grow up.No one would deny the pain
of being dumped by your fian-ce or the frustration of havingto defend your husband andjudgment to your best friend.
However, unless the fianceand friend had ulterior motives,
BORN TODAY:Actress HalleeHirsh (1987);actor BenjaminBratt (1963),shown here;author JaneAusten (1775).
their behavior was motivatedby their affection for you. Yes,the end results were two bro-ken relationships and no smallamount of humiliation (whichwe’ll come back to in a second),but it all started with their notwanting you to get hurt.
Specifically: With his heartnot in it, the fiance’s onlychoices were between hurtingyou a lot now or a lot morelater. He made the only com-passionate choice.
And, the friend was wor-ried about you. Maybe you’reangry that she didn’t talk toyou directly first, but wasn’tshe obligated to investigateher concerns? Isn’t that whata best friend does?
Nobody aspires to be thepublicly jilted lover or the ru-mor-tainted newlywed. Butsometimes things just playout that way, and we end upappearing in humiliating rolesthat we’re desperate to strikefrom the script.
The solution, however, isn’tjust to start rubbing out ac-tors. That just punishes the in-nocent (and, in this case, thewell-meaning), in the course ofaccomplishing, what? It doesn’tde-humiliate you. If anything,you look worse for not takingyour bad news with grace.
I could argue, I suppose,that it saves you from havingto face reminders of difficultthings.
But that’s hardly justifica-tion for denying Mark’s rightto see these friends. Crueltycertainly would be, or malice— by the fiance, by the friend,or by Mark — but I see no signsof those here.
I do see this: When a friendfears you’re abused, and yourespond by denying it and ban-ishing her, people like me startthinking she might be right.
E-mail Carolyn at [email protected] or chat onlinewith her each Friday at noonEastern time, at www.wash-ingtonpost.com.
Sunday, December 16, 2007 The Plain Dealer | Breaking news: cleveland.com PDQ | L5
pdQ Deputy Features Editor/PDQKim Crow: 216-999-4046
Assistant Managing Editor/FeaturesDebbie Van Tassel: 216-999-4405
PDQ Chief ReporterJohn Campanelli: 216-999-4694
DesignerStaci Andrews: 216-999-4598
Features Picture EditorBill Kennedy: 216-999-6127Fax: 216-515-2033
John CampanelliPlain Dealer Reporter
“Christmas in jail, Christmasin jail.
Had a little too much to drink.Ain’t got no bail, ain’t got no
bail.And I’m spending New Year’s
Eve in the clink.”As amusing as that 1950s doo-
wop song by the Youngsters is,there’s really nothing funny aboutspending the holidays locked up— for the inmates or the peoplewho care about them.
It’s a time of loneliness, regretand separation for the whopping2.26 million people incarceratedin the United States.
Greeting cards are often salvefor those wounds, but the prisonpopulation has been all but ig-nored by card companies — untilnow.
Launched earlier this year,Three Squares Greetings is theonly card company that catersexclusively to inmates and theirfamily and friends, says Los An-geles lawyer Terrye Cheathem,founder and CEO. She got theidea a few years back while try-ing to buy a birthday card for arelative serving time. As hard asshe looked, she couldn’t find the“birthday: inmate” section.
That Christmas, she got a cardfrom her relative. It was a gener-ic, yellowing thing.
“It was so old and yuck. Ithought, ‘Where did he get thiscard?!’” remembers Cheathem.
Turns out, most inmates canbuy greeting cards in their jailsand prisons, but they are oftenold versions of ordinary cards
The perfect cardfor that imperfect,incarceratedloved one
available on the outside, not,for instance, a card that says,“Thanks for coming to court,”which is one of Three Squares’offerings.
Other cards include:Outside: “You are the best.” In-
side: “You are the best wife in theworld. Your visits are very encour-aging. I don’t know what I woulddo without you supporting me. Iam going to make this up to you.I promise.”
Outside: “Thanks for the mon-ey.” Inside: “I know that I shouldstop asking you for money. Oneday I will. Thanks again.”
Outside: “Pray for me.” Inside:“I need it.”
Cheathem is working to getthose cards available in jail andprison commissaries. At thesame time, she is offering cardsfor friends and family online atThreeSquaresGreetings.com. Thecards have done well, she said,because family and friends doindeed want to show their lovebut often find it difficult to knowexactly what to say.
The most popular cards havebeen the “Thinking of you” and“Not forgotten” cards. Almost allof the cards have a serious, som-ber tone. Cheathem, who writesthe cards herself, is looking toexpand the selection to include ahumor line.
“Inmates,” she says, “don’t losetheir sense of humor.”
One idea she’s toying with isa card from an inmate that willopen to this message:
“Wish you were here.”
To reach this Plain Dealer reporter:[email protected], 216-999-4694
You had the choiceto be “naughty or nice.”And you chose . . . . . . .
Now you have to do yourtime. But, Christmas won’t
be the same withoutyou here. Stay safe.
If it weren’t for thosewalls, I’d give you lots
of hugs and kisses.Have a good day!
Stay safe.
It’s your birthdayand I know that you’d
rather be almost anywhere elseright now. Hopefully, one year
older will really meanone year wiser for you.
Take Good Care.
I apologize. When youcalled last time, I was not
very sympathetic. I guess thatI have heard your promisesto change too many times.Please — stop promising
to change. Just do it.
