Copyright
FirstpublishedintheUSAbyHarperCollins
Publishers,Inc.in2016
FirstpublishedinGreatBritainbyHarper-
CollinsChildren’sBooks,
adivisionofHarperCollinsPublishersLtd,
1LondonBridgeStreet,
LondonSE19GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk
TheCrown
Copyright©2016byKieraCass
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reps,INC2016;JacketDesignbyErin
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SourceISBN:9780007580248
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EbookEdition©2016ISBN:
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Version:2016-04-07
ForGuydenandZuzu,
thebestlittlecharactersIevermadeup.
Contents
Cover
TitlePage
Copyright
Dedication
Chapter1
Chapter2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
Chapter11
Chapter12
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Chapter13
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Chapter17
Chapter18
Chapter19
Chapter20
Chapter21
Chapter22
Chapter23
Chapter24
Chapter25
Chapter26
Chapter27
Chapter28
Chapter29
Chapter30
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Chapter31
Chapter32
Chapter33
Chapter34
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
AlsobyKieraCass
AboutthePublisher
OceanofPDF.com“I’MSORRY,”ISAID,BRACINGmyselffortheinev-itablebacklash.WhenmySelectionstarted,
I’dpictureditendingthisway—withdozens
ofmysuitorsleavingatatime,manyofthem
unpreparedfortheirmomentinthespotlight
tobeover.Butafterthelastfewweeks,afterlearninghowkind,howsmart,howgenerous
somanyofthemwere,Ifoundthemass
eliminationalmostheartbreaking.
11/467
They’dbeenfairwithme,andnowIhadto
beveryunfairtothem.Theliveannounce-
mentwouldmaketheeliminationofficial,
andtheyallhadtowaituntilthen.
“Iknowit’sabrupt,butgivenmymother’s
precariouscondition,myfatherhasasked
metotakeonmoreresponsibilities,andI
feeltheonlywaytomanagethatistoscale
downthiscompetition.”
“Howisthequeen?”Haleasked,swallow-
inghard.
Isighed.“Shelooks…shelookspretty
bad.”
Dadhadbeenhesitanttoletmevisither,
butIhadfinallywornhimdown.Iunder-
stoodhisreluctancetheinstantIsawher,
asleep,themetronomeofherheartbeat
keepingtimeonthemonitor.She’djust
comeoutofsurgery,wherethedoctorshad
toharvestaveinfromherlegtoreplacethe
oneinherchestthathadbeenworkedto
death.
12/467
Oneofthedoctorssaidtheyhadlosther
foraminutebutmanagedtogetherback.I
satbesideher,holdingherhand.Sillyasit
sounded,Ihadslouchedinmychair,certain
thatwouldmakehercometoandcorrectmy
posture.Itdidn’t.
“She’salivethough.Andmyfather…he’s
…”
Raoulplacedacomfortinghandonmy
shoulder.“It’sokay,YourHighness.Weall
understand.”
Iletmyeyesflitacrossthespace,mygaze
settlingoneachofmysuitorsforabreathasIcommittedtheirfacestomemory.
“Fortherecord,Iwasterrifiedofyou,”I
confessed.Therewereafewchucklesaround
theroom.“Thankyousomuchfortaking
thischance,andforbeingsograciouswith
me.”
Aguardentered,clearinghisthroattoan-
nouncehispresence.“I’msorry,mylady.It’snearlytimeforthebroadcast.Thecrew
13/467
wantedtocheck,um”—hemadeafumbling
gesturewithhishand—“hairandstuff.”
Inodded.“Thankyou.I’llbereadyina
moment.”
Afterheleft,Iturnedmyattentionbackto
theboys.“Ihopeyou’llforgivemeforthis
groupgood-bye.Iwishyouallthebestof
luckinthefuture.”
Therewasachorusofmurmuredgood-
byesasIleft.OnceIwasoutsidethedoorsoftheMen’sParlor,Itookadeepbreathand
preparedmyselfforwhatwascoming.You
areEadlynSchreaveandnoone—literally,
noone—isaspowerfulasyou.
ThepalacewaseerilyquietwithoutMom
andherladiesscuttlingaroundandAhren’s
laughterfillingthehalls.Nothingmakesyou
quitesoawareofaperson’spresenceasthe
lossofit.
IheldmyselftallasImademywaydown
tothestudio.
14/467
“YourHighness,”severalpeoplegreeted
measIcamethroughthedoorway,curtsying
andmovingoutofmyway,allthewhile
avoidinglookingdirectlyinmyeyes.I
couldn’ttellifitwasoutofsympathyorif
theyalreadyknew.
“Oh,”Isaid,glancinginthemirror.“Iam
abitshiny.Couldyou—?”
“Ofcourse,YourHighness.”Agirlexpertly
dabbedatmyskin,coveringmeinpowder.
Istraightenedthehighlacecollarofmy
gown.WhenI’dgottendressedthismorning,
blackseemedappropriate,consideringthe
overallmoodinthepalace,butIwas
secondguessingmyself.
“Ilooktooserious,”Iworriedaloud.“Not
respectableserious,butworriedserious.Thisisallwrong.”
“Youlookbeautiful,mylady.”Themakeup
girlsweptafreshsplashofcoloracrossmy
lips.“Likeyourmother.”
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“No,Idon’t,”Ilamented.“Notastitchof
herhairorskinoreyes.”
“That’snotwhatImean.”Thegirl,warm
andround,withwispsofcurlsfallingacross
herforehead,stoodbesidemeandgazedat
myreflection.“Seethere,”shesaid,pointingtomyeyes.“Notthesamecolor,butthe
samedetermination.Andyourlips,they
havethesamehopefulsmile.Iknowyou
haveyourgrandmother’scoloring,butyou’re
your
mother’s
daughter,
through
and
through.”
Istaredatmyself.Icouldalmostseewhat
shemeant.Atthismostisolatingmoment,I
feltalittlelessalone.
“Thankyou.Thatmeansagreatdealto
me.”
“We’reallprayingforher,mylady.She’sa
toughone.”
Igiggledinspiteofmymood.“Thatshe
is.”
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“Twominutes!”thefloordirectorcalled.I
walkedontothecarpetedset,smoothingout
mygownandtouchingmyhair.Thestudio
wascolderthanusual,evenunderthelights,
andgoosebumpsprickledatmyskinasI
tookmyplacebehindthelonepodium.
Gavril,slightlydresseddownbutstillvery
polished,gavemeasympatheticsmileashe
approached.“Areyousureyouwanttodo
this?I’mhappytodeliverthenewsforyou.”
“Thankyou,butIthinkIhavetodoiton
myown.”
“Allrightthen.How’ssheholdingup?”
“Okayasofanhourago.Thedoctorsare
keepingherasleepsoshecanheal,butshe
lookssobattered.”Iclosedmyeyesforamo-
ment,calmingmyself.“Sorry.Thishasmea
bitonedge.ButatleastI’mmanagingbetter
thanDad.”
Heshookhishead.“Ican’timagineany-
onetakingthisworsethanhim.Hiswhole
worldhashungonhersincetheymet.”
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Ithoughtbacktolastnight,tothewallof
photosintheirroom,andIthumbedthrough
allthedetailsthey’donlyrecentlydivulged
abouthowtheygottogether.Istillcouldn’t
seeanyrhymeorreasontofightingthrough
countlessobstaclesforloveonlytohaveit
leaveyousopowerlessintheend.
“Youwerethere,Gavril.Yousawtheir
Selection.”Iswallowed,stillunsure.“Doesitreallywork?How?”
Heshrugged.“YoursisthethirdI’veseen,
andIcan’ttellyouhowitworks,howalot-
terycanbringinasoulmate.Letmesaythis:YourgrandfatherwasnotexactlyamanIadmired,buthetreatedhisqueenasifshewas
themostimportantpersontowalktheplan-
et.Wherehewasharshwithothers,hewas
generouswithher.Shegotthebestofhim,
whichismorethanIcansayfor…Well,he
foundtherightwoman.”
Isquinted,curiousaboutwhathewas
omitting.IknewGrandpahadbeenastrict
18/467
ruler,butcometothinkofit,thatwasthe
onlywayIknewhim.Daddidn’ttalkabout
himmuchasahusbandorfather,andI’dal-
waysbeenmuchmoreinterestedinhearing
aboutGrandma.
“Andyourdad?Idon’tthinkhehadaclue
whathewaslookingfor.Honestly,Idon’t
thinkyourmotherdideither.Butshewashis
matchineveryway.Everyonearoundthem
couldseeitlongbeforetheydid.”
“Really?”Iasked.“Theydidn’tknow?”
Hemadeaface.“Truthfully,itwasmore
thatshedidn’tknow.”Hegavemeapointed
look.“Afamilytrait,itseems.”
“Gavril,you’reoneofthefewpeopleIcan
confessthisto.It’snotthatIdon’tknow
whatI’mlookingfor.It’sthatIwasn’treadytolook.”
“Ah.Iwondered.”
“ButnowI’mhere.”
“Andonyourown,I’mafraid.Ifyou
choosetogothroughwiththis—andafter
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yesterday,noonewouldblameyouifyou
didn’t—onlyyoucanmakesuchanimport-
antchoice.”
Inodded.“Iknow.Whichiswhythisisso
scary.”
“Tenseconds,”thefloordirectorcalled.
Gavrilpattedmyshoulder.“I’mherein
whateverwayIcanbe,YourHighness.”
“Thankyou.”
Isquaredmyshouldersinfrontofthe
camera,tryingtolookcalmasthelight
beganglowingred.
“Goodmorning,peopleofIlléa.I,Princess
EadlynSchreave,amheretoaddresssome
recenteventsthathavetakenplaceinthe
royalfamily.Ishalldeliverthegoodnews
first.”Itriedtosmile,reallyIdid,butallIcouldthinkofwashowabandonedIfelt.
“Mybelovedbrother,PrinceAhrenSch-
reave,hasmarriedPrincessCamillede
SauveterreofFrance.Thoughthetimingof
theirweddingwasabitofasurprise,itinno
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waylessensourjoyforthehappycouple.I
hopeyouwilljoinmeinwishingthemboth
thehappiestofmarriages.”
Ipaused.Youcandothis,Eadlyn.
“Insaddernews,lastnight,mymother,
AmericaSchreave,queenofIlléa,suffereda
veryseriousheartattack.”
Ipaused.Thewordsfeltliketheyhadcre-
atedadaminmythroat,makingitharder
andhardertospeak.
“Sheisincriticalconditionandisunder
constantmedicalsupervision.Pleasepr—”
Ibroughtmyhandtomymouth.Iwasgo-
ingtocry.Iwasgoingtoloseitonnationaltelevision,andontopofeverythingAhren
hadsaidabouthowpeoplefeltaboutme,ap-
pearingweakwasthelastthingIwanted.
Ilookeddown.Momneededme.Dad
neededme.Maybe,inasmallway,eventhe
countryneededme.Icouldn’tdisappoint
them.Dabbingawaythetears,Iwenton.
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“Pleaseprayforherspeedyrecovery,aswe
alladoreherandstilldependonher
guidance.”
Ibreathed.Itwastheonlywaytogetfrom
anymomenttothenext.Breathein,breathe
out.
“Mymotherheldsuchgreatrespectforthe
Selection,which,asyouallknow,ledtomy
parents’longandhappymarriage.Assuch,
I’vedecidedtohonorwhatIknowwouldbe
herdeepestwishandcontinuewithmyown
Selection.
“Duetothestressplacedonourhousehold
inthelasttwenty-fourhours,IthinkitwisetocutmysuitorsdowntotheElite.Myfathernarrowedhisfieldtosixinsteadoftenbecauseofextenuatingcircumstances,andI
havedonethesame.Thefollowingsixgen-
tlemenhavebeeninvitedtostayoninthe
Selection:SirGunnerCroft,SirKileWood-
work,SirEanCabel,SirHaleGarner,SirFox
Wesley,andSirHenriJaakoppi.”
22/467
Thesenameswereastrangelycomforting
thing,likeIknewhowproudtheywereof
thismomentandIcouldfeeltheglowofit,
evenfromadistance.
Itwasalmostdone.TheyknewAhrenwas
gone,thatmymothermightdie,andthatthe
Selectionwouldcarryon.Nowcamethe
newsIwasterrifiedtodeliver.Thanksto
Ahren,Iunderstoodexactlywhatmypeople
thoughtofme.Whatkindofresponsewould
Ireceive?
“Withmymotherinsuchadelicatestate,
myfather,KingMaxonSchreave,haschosen
toremainbyherside.”Heregoes.“Assuch,hehasnamedmeregentuntilhefeelsfitto
reclaimhistitle.Iwillmakealldecisionsofstateuntilfurthernotice.ItiswithaheavyheartthatIassumethisrole,butitgivesmegreatjoytobringanypeacetomyparents.
“Wewillhavemoreupdatesonallthese
mattersastheybecomeavailable.Thankyou
foryourtime,andgoodday.”
23/467
Thecamerasstoppedrolling,andImoved
justoffthestage,sittinginoneofthechairsthatwereusuallyreservedformyfamily.I
feltqueasyandwouldhavesattherefor
hourstryingtoregainmycomposureifI
thoughtIcouldgetawaywithit,butthere
wastoomuchtodo.Thefirstthingonthe
listwastocheckonMomandDadagain,
thenofftowork.AtsomepointtodayI
wouldhavetomeetwiththeEliteaswell.
AsIwenttoexitthestudio,Istopped
shortbecausemypathwasblockedbyarow
ofgentlemen.ThefirstfaceIsawwasHale’s.
Hisexpressionlitupasheheldoutaflower.
“Foryou.”
Ilookeddownthelineandsawtheyall
hadflowersintheirhands,somewithroots
stillnoticeablyattached.AllIcouldassume
wasthattheyhadheardtheirnamesonthe
announcement,rushedfromtheMen’sPar-
lortothegarden,andcomedownhere.
“Youidiots,”Isighed.“Thankyou.”
24/467
ItookHale’sflowerandhuggedhim.“I
knowIsaidsomethingeveryday,”he
whispered,“butletmeknowifyouneedme
toupittotwo,okay?”
Iheldhimalittletighter.“Thanks.”
Eanwasnext,andthoughwe’donlyever
touchedduringthosestagedphotosofour
date,Ifoundmyselfunabletorefrainfrom
embracinghim.
“Igetthefeelingyouwerecoercedinto
this,”Imurmured.
“Itookminefromavaseinthehallway.
Don’ttellthestaffonme.”
Ipattedhisback,andhedidthesameto
me.
“She’llbeokay,”hepromised.“Youall
will.”
Kilehadprickedhisfingeronathornand
heldhisbleedinghandawkwardlyawayfrom
myclothesaswehugged,whichmademe
laughandwasperfect.
25/467
“Forsmiles,”HenrisaidasIaddedhis
flowertomymessybouquet.
“Good,good,”Ireplied,andhelaughedat
me.
EvenErikhadgottenmeaflower.I
smirkedabitasItookit.
“Thisisadandelion,”Itoldhim.
Heshrugged.“Iknow.Someseeaweed;
someseeaflower.Perspective.”
Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhim,andI
couldfeelhimlookingattheothersasIheldhim,seeminguncomfortabletobegetting
thesametreatmentastheyhad.
Gunnerswallowed,notabletosaymuch,
butheldmegentlybeforeImovedon.
Foxhadthreeflowersinhishand.“I
couldn’tpick.”
Ismiled.“They’reallbeautiful.Thanks.”
Fox’sembracewastight,likeheneeded
thesupportmorethantheothersdid.Iheld
ontohimasIlookedbackatmyElite.
26/467
No,thiswholeprocessmadenosense,but
Icouldseehowithappened,howyourheart
couldgetsweptupintheendeavor.Andthat
wasmyhopenow:thatsomehowdutyand
lovewouldoverlap,andI’dfindmyself
happyinthemiddleofitall.
MOM’SHANDSFELTSOSOFT,almostpaperyina
way.Thefeelingmademethinkofhowwater
smoothedouttheedgesofastone.Ismiled,
thinkingshemusthavebeenaveryrough
stoneonceuponatime.
“Didyoueverusedtogetitwrong?”I
asked.“Saythewrongwords,dothewrong
things?”
28/467
Iwaitedforananswer,receivingnothing
butthehumofequipmentandthebeatof
themonitor.
“Well,youandDadusedtofight,soyou
musthavebeenwrongsometimes.”
Iheldherhandtighter,tryingtowarmit
inmine.
“Imadealltheannouncements.Now
everyoneknowsaboutAhrengettingmarried
andthatyou’realittle…indisposedatthe
moment.Icuttheboysdowntosix.Iknow
that’sabigcut,butDadsaiditwasokayandthathedidthatwhenitwashisturn,sono
onecangetupset.”Isighed.“Regardless,I
haveafeelingpeoplewillstillfindawaytogetupsetwithme.”
Iblinkedbacktears,worriedshe’dsense
howscaredIwas.Thedoctorsbelievedthat
theshockofAhren’sdeparturewasthecata-
lystforhercurrentcondition,thoughI
couldn’thelpbutwonderifI’dcontributedtoherstressdaily,likedropsofpoisonsosmall
29/467
someonedidn’trealizethey’dingested
somethingdangerousuntilithadovertaken
them.
“Anyway,I’mofftorunmyfirstadvisory
boardmeetingassoonasDadgetsback.He
saysitshouldn’tbetoodifficult.Honestly,IfeellikeGeneralLegerhadthetoughestjob
ofanyonetoday,tryingtogetDadtogoeat,
becausehefoughtsohardtostayherewith
you.Thegeneralwasinsistent,though,and
Dadfinallycaved.I’mgladhe’shere.GeneralLeger,Imean.It’skindoflikehavinga
backupparent.”
Iheldherhandalittletighterandleaned
in,whispering.“Pleasedon’tmakemeneeda
backupparent,though,okay?Istillneed
you.Theboysstillneedyou.AndDad…he
lookslikehemightfallapartifyouleave.Sowhenit’stimetowakeup,you’vegottacome
back,allright?”
30/467
Iwaitedforhermouthtotwitchorherfin-
gerstomove,anythingtoshowthatshe
couldhearme.Nothing.
JustthenDadtorethroughthedoorwith
GeneralLegeronhisheels.Iwipedatmy
cheeks,hopingnoonewouldnotice.
“See,”GeneralLegersaid.“She’sstable.
Thedoctorswouldcomerunningifanything
changed.”
“Allthesame,Iprefertobehere,”Dad
saidfirmly.
“Dad,youwerehardlygonetenminutes.
Didyoueveneat?”
“Iate.Tellher,Aspen.”
GeneralLegersighed.“We’llcalliteating.”
Dadshothimalookthatwouldhavebeen
threateningtosomebutonlymadethegen-
eralsmile.“I’llseeifIcansneaksomefoodinsoyouwon’thavetoleave.”
Dadnodded.“Lookoutformygirl.”
31/467
“Ofcourse.”GeneralLegerwinkedatme,
andIstoodupandfollowedhimfromthe
room,lookingbackatMomjusttocheck.
Stillasleep.
Inthehallway,heheldoutanarmforme.
“Youready,mynot-quitequeen?”
Itookitandsmiled.“No.Let’sgo.”
Aswemadeourwaytotheboardroom,I
nearlyaskedGeneralLegerifhewouldtake
meforanotherlaparoundthefloor.Theday
feltsooverwhelmingalreadythatIwasn’t
sureIcoulddothis.
Nonsense,Itoldmyself.You’vesatinonthesemeetingsdozensoftimes.You’vealmostalwaysthoughtthesamethingsDad
hassaid.Yes,thisisyourfirsttimeleadingit,butthiswasalwayswaitingforyou.Andnooneisgoingtobehardonyoutoday,forgoodness’sake;yourmotherjusthada
heartattack.
Ipulledthedooropenwithpurpose,Gen-
eralLegertrailingbehindme.Imadesureto
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nodatthegentlemenasIpassed.Sir
Andrews,SirCoddly,Mr.Rasmus,anda
handfulofothermenI’dknownforyearssat
arrangingtheirpensandpaper.LadyBrice
lookedproudasshewatchedmesweep
aroundtomyfather’sspot,asdidthegeneralwhenhesettledintotheplacebesideher.
“Goodmorning.”Itookmyseatatthe
headofthetable,gazingdownatthethin
folderinfrontofme.Thankgoodnessthe
agendalookedlighttoday.
“Howisyourmother?”LadyBriceasked
solemnly.
Ishouldhavewrittenthisansweronasign
soIcouldstoprepeatingit.“She’sasleep
still.I’mnotsurehowserioushercondition
isatthemoment,butDadisstayingbyher
side,andwe’llbesuretoupdateeveryoneif
there’sanychange.”
LadyBricesmiledsadly.“I’msureshe’llbe
fine.Shealwayswasatoughone.”
33/467
Itriedtohidemysurprise,butIdidn’t
realizeLadyBriceknewmymotherthatwell.
Intruth,Ididn’tknowthatmuchaboutLady
Bricemyself,buthertonewassosincere,I
washappytohaveherbesidemeatthe
moment.
Inodded.“Let’sgetthroughthissoIcan
tellhermyfirstdayonthejobwasatleast
slightlyproductive.”
Thereweregentlechucklesaroundthe
roomatthat,butmysmilequicklyfadedasI
readthefirstpagepresentedtome.
“Ihopethisisajoke,”Isaiddryly.
“No,YourHighness.”
IturnedmyeyestoSirCoddly.
“Wefeelthiswasadeliberatemovetode-
bilitateIlléa,andseeingasneitherthekingnorqueengavetheirconsent,Francehasessentiallystolenyourbrother.Thismarriage
istreasonous,sowehavenochoicebuttogo
towar.”
34/467
“Sir,Iassureyou,thiswasnottreasonous.
Camilleisasensiblegirl.”Irolledmyeyes,hatingtoadmitit.“It’sAhrenwho’stheromanticone,andIfeelcertainheurgedher
intothis,nottheotherwayaround.”
Iballedupthedeclarationofwar,unwill-
ingtoconsideritforanothermoment.
“Mylady,youcannotdothat,”SirAndrew
insisted.“TherelationsbetweenIlléaand
Francehavebeentenseforyears.”
“Thatismoreonapersonallevelthana
politicalone,”LadyBriceoffered.
SirCoddlywavedhishandintheair.
“Whichmakesthisallmuchworse.Queen
Daphneisbrandishingmoreemotionalsuf-
feringontheroyalfamilyundertheassump-
tionthatwewillnotrespond.Thistimewe
must.Tellher,general!”
LadyBriceshookherheadinfrustration
asGeneralLegerspoke.“AllIwillsay,Your
Highness,isthatwecanhavetroopsinthe
skyandonthegroundwithintwenty-four
35/467
hoursifyoucommandit.ThoughIcertainly
wouldn’t
advise
you
to
make
that
command.”
Andrewshuffed.“Leger,tellherthe
dangersshe’sfacing.”
Heshrugged.“Iseenodangerhere.Her
brothergotmarried.”
“Ifanything,”Iquestioned,“shouldn’ta
weddingbringourtwocountriescloser?Isn’t
thatwhyprincessesweremarriedofffor
years?”
“Butthosewereplanned,”Coddlystatedin
atonethatimpliedIwasalittletoonaivefortheconversationathand.
“Aswasthis,”Icountered.“Weallknew
AhrenandCamillewouldwedoneday.It
simplyhappenedsoonerthanexpected.”
“Shedoesn’tgetit,”hemutteredto
Andrews.
SirAndrewsshookhisheadatme.“Your
Highness,thisistreason.”
“Sir,thisislove.”
36/467
Coddlyslammedafistonthetable.“No
onewilltakeyouseriouslyifyoudonotact
decisively.”
Therewasabeatofsilenceafterhisvoice
stoppedechoingaroundtheroom,andthe
entiretablesatmotionless.
“Fine,”Irespondedcalmly.“You’refired.”
Coddlylaughed,lookingattheothergen-
tlemenatthetable.“Youcan’tfireme,Your
Highness.”
Itiltedmyhead,staringathim.“Iassure
you,Ican.There’snooneherewhooutranks
meatthemoment,andyouareeasily
replaceable.”
Thoughshetriedtobediscreet,IsawLady
Bricepurseherlipstogether,clearlydeterm-
inednottolaugh.Yes,Idefinitelyhadanallyinher.
“Youneedtofight!”heinsisted.
“No,”Iansweredfirmly.“Awarwouldadd
unnecessarystraintoanalreadystressful
momentandwouldcauseanupheaval
37/467
betweenusandthecountrywearenow
boundtobymarriage.Wewillnotfight.”
Coddlyloweredhischinandsquinted.
“Don’tyouthinkyou’rebeingtooemotional
aboutthis?”
Istood,mychairscreechingbehindmeas
Imoved.“I’mgoingtoassumethatyou
aren’timplyingbythatstatementthatI’m
actuallybeingtoofemaleaboutthis.Because,yes,Iamemotional.”
Istrodearoundtheoppositesideofthe
table,myeyestrainedonCoddly.“Mymoth-
erisinabedwithtubesdownherthroat,my
twinisnowonadifferentcontinent,andmy
fatherisholdinghimselftogetherbya
thread.”
Stoppingacrossfromhim,Icontinued.“I
havetwoyoungerbrotherstokeepcalmin
thewakeofallthis,acountrytorun,andsixboysdownstairswaitingformetoofferone
ofthemmyhand.”Coddlyswallowed,andI
feltonlythetiniestbitofguiltforthe
38/467
satisfactionitbroughtme.“So,yes,Iam
emotionalrightnow.Anyoneinmyposition
withasoulwouldbe.Andyou,sir,areanidi-ot.Howdareyoutrytoforcemyhandon
somethingsomonumentalonthegroundsof
somethingsosmall?Forallintentsandpur-
poses,Iamqueen,andyouwillnotcoerce
meintoanything.”
Iwalkedbacktotheheadofthetable.“Of-
ficerLeger?”
“Yes,YourHighness?”
“Isthereanythingonthisagendathat
can’twaituntiltomorrow?”
“No,YourHighness.”
“Good.You’realldismissed.AndIsuggest
youallrememberwho’sinchargeherebe-
forewemeetagain.”
AssoonasIfinishedspeaking,everyone
otherthanLadyBriceandGeneralLeger
roseandbowed—ratherdeeply,Inoted.
39/467
“Youwerewonderful,YourHighness,”
LadyBriceinsistedoncethethreeofuswere
alone.
“Iwas?Lookatmyhand.”Ihelditup.
“You’retrembling.”
Ipulledmyfingersintoafist,determined
tostopshaking.“EverythingIsaidwastrue,
right?Theycan’tforcemetosignadeclara-
tionofwar,canthey?”
“No,”GeneralLegerassuredme.“Asyou
know,therehavealwaysbeenafewmem-
bersoftheboardwhohavethoughtwe
shouldcolonizeinEurope.Ithinktheysaw
thisasanopportunitytotakeadvantageof
yourlimitedexperience,butyoudid
everythingright.”
“Dadwouldn’twanttogotowar.Theban-
nerofhisreignhasbeenpeace.”
“Exactly.”GeneralLegersmiled.“He’dbe
proudofhowyoustoodyourground.Infact,
IthinkImightjustgotellhim.”
40/467
“ShouldIgo,too?”Iasked,suddenlydes-
peratetohearthelittlemonitorannouncing
thatMom’sheartwasstillthere,stilltrying.
“Youhaveacountrytorun.I’llbringyou
anupdateassoonasIcan.”
“Thankyou,”Icalledasheexitedthe
room.
LadyBricecrossedherarmsonthetable.
“Feelingbetter?”
Ishookmyhead.“Iknewthisrolewould
bealotofwork.I’vedonemyshareofitandwatchedmydaddotentimeswhatIdid.But
Iwassupposedtohavemoretimetoget
ready.Tostartthejobnow,becausemy
mommightdie,istoomuch.Andwithinfive
minutesofbeingresponsible,Ihavetomake
adecisionaboutwar?I’mnotpreparedfor
this.”
“Okay,firstthingsfirst.Youdon’thaveto
beperfectyet.Thisistemporary.Yourmom
willgetbetter,yourdadwillcomebackto
work,andyouwillgobacktolearningwith
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thisgreatexperienceunderyourbelt.Think
ofthistimeasanopportunity.”
Iletoutalongbreath.Temporary.Oppor-
tunity.Okay.
“Besides,it’snotallcompletelyuptoyou.
Thisiswhatyouradvisersarefor.Granted,
theyweren’tmuchhelptoday,butwe’rehere
soyouaren’tnavigatingwithoutamap.”
Ibitmylip,thinking.“Okay.So,whatdoI
donow?”
“First,followthroughandfireCoddly.It
willshowtheothersyoumeanwhatyousay.
Idofeelsomewhatbadforhim,butIthink
yourfatheronlykepthimaroundtoplay
devil’sadvocateandhelphimseeallsidesofanissue.Trustme,hewon’tbesorely
missed,”sheconfesseddryly.“Second,con-
siderthistimeaperiodofhands-ontraining
foryourreign.Startsurroundingyourself
withpeopleyouknowyoucantrust.”
Isighed.“Ifeellikethey’vealljustleft
me.”
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Sheshookherhead.“Lookcloser.You
probablyhavefriendsinplacesyounever
expected.”
Again,Ifoundmyselfseeingherinanew
light.She’dstayedinherrolelongerthan
anyone;sheknewwhatDadwoulddecidein
mostsituations;andshewas,atthevery
least,anotherwomanintheroom.
LadyBricestaredintomyeyes,forcingme
tofocus.“Whodoyouknowwillalwaysbe
honestwithyou?Whowillbebyyourside,
notbecauseyou’reroyal,butbecauseyou’re
you?”
Ismiled,absolutelypositiveofwhereIwas
goingonceIleftthisroom.
“ME?”
“You.”
“Areyousure?”
IgrabbedNeenabytheshoulders.“Youal-
waystellmethetruth,evenifI’mnotexcitedtohearit.You’veputupwiththeworstof
me,andyou’retooclevertospendyourdays
foldingmylaundry.”
44/467
Shebeamed,blinkingtoquellhertears.“A
lady-in-waiting…whatdoesthateven
mean?”
“Well,it’samixofbeingacompanion,
whichyoualreadyare,andthenhelpingwith
thelessglamoroussideofmyjob,like
schedulingappointmentsandmakingsureI
remembertoeat.”
“IthinkIcanhandlethat,”shesaid,
smiling.
“Oh,oh,oh,and”—Iheldupmyhands,
preparingherforprobablythemostexciting
partofthejob—“itmeansyoudon’thaveto
wearthatuniformanymore.Sogochange.”
Neenachuckled.“Idon’tknowthatIhave
anythingappropriate.ButI’llmakesureto
getsomethingtogetherfortomorrow.”
“Nonsense.Justgothroughmycloset.”
Shegapedatme.“Ican’t.”
“Umm,youcanandyoumust.”Ipointed
tothewidedoors.“Getdressed,meetmein
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theoffice,andwe’llmakeitthrough
whatevercomesonedayatatime.”
Shenodded,and,asifwe’ddoneitathou-
sandtimes,shethrewherarmsaroundme.
“Thankyou.”
“Thankyou,”Iinsisted.
“Iwon’tletyoudown.”
Ipulledback,watchingher.“Iknow.By
theway,yourfirstjobistopickanewmaid
forme.”
“Notaproblem.”
“Excellent.I’llseeyousoon.”
Isweptfromtheroom,feelingbetter
knowingIhadpeopleonmyside.General
LegerwouldbemylinetoMomandDad,
LadyBricewouldbemychiefadviser,and
Neena
would
help
me
shoulder
the
workload.
Ithadbeenlessthanaday,andIalready
understoodwhyMomthoughtI’dneeda
partner.AndIstillintendedtofindone.I
justneededalittletimetofigureouthow.
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ThatafternoonIpacedworriedlyasIwaited
forKileoutsidetheMen’sParlor.Ofallmy
relationshipswiththeSelected,oursfeltthemostcomplicatedandyetthe
easiestplaceto
start.
“Hey,”hesaid,comingtoembraceme.I
couldn’thelpsmilingthinkingabouthowif
he’dtriedthatamonthago,I’dhavecalled
theguardsonhim.“Howareyoudoing?”
Ipaused.“It’sfunny—you’retheonlyone
who’sasked.”Westeppedapart.“I’mokay,I
think.AtleastIamaslongasI’mbusy.The
secondthingsslowdown,I’maballof
nerves.Dad’sawreck.Andit’skillingme
thatAhrenhasn’tcomeback.Ithoughthe
wouldforMom,buthehasn’tevencalled.
Shouldn’theatleasthavedonethat?”
Iswallowed,knowingIwasgettingtoo
workedup.
Kiletookmyhand.“Okay,let’sthinkabout
this.HeflewtoFranceandgotmarriedin
oneday.Therehastobeatonofofficial
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paperworkandotherstufftosortthrough.
Andthere’sachancehehasn’tevenheard
whathappened.”
Inodded.“You’reright.AndIknowhe
cares.Heleftmealetter,anditwastoohonestformetoquestionthat.”
“See,thereyougo.Andlastnightyourdad
lookedlikehewastwosecondsawayfrom
needingtobecheckedintothehospitalwing
himself.Beingwithyourmomandmonitor-
ingherprobablygiveshimafeelingofcon-
trolwhenthere’sabsolutelynone.She’s
madeitthroughtheworst,andshe’salways
beenafighter.Rememberwhenthatoneam-
bassadorcame?”
Ismirked.“Youmeantheonefromthe
Paraguay-ArgentinaUnion?”
“Yes!”heexclaimed.“Icanstillpictureit
perfectly.Hewassorudetoeveryone,fallingdowndrunkbynoontwodaysinarow,and
yourmomfinallygrabbedhimbytheearand
draggedhimoutthefrontdoor.”
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Ishookmyhead.“Ido.Ialsoremember
theendlessphonecallsafterwardtryingto
smooththingsoverwiththeirpresident.”
Kilebrushedthatdetailaway.“Forgetthat.
Justremember,yourmotherdoesn’tlet
thingshappentoher.Whensomethingtries
toruinherlife,shedragsitintothestreet.”
Ismiled.“True.”
Westoodthere,quietforamoment,andit
waspleasantandstill.I’dneverbeenso
grateful.“I’mbusytherestoftoday,but
maybewecouldspendsometimetogether
tomorrownight?”
Henodded.“Ofcourse.”
“There’salottotalkabout.”
Hiseyebrowsknittogether.“Likewhat?”
Webothturnedatthesametime,noting
thefigureinourperiphery.
“Excuseme,YourHighness,”theguard
saidwithabow,“butyouhaveavisitor.”
“Avisitor?”
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Henodded,givingmenoinformationasto
whoitmightbe.
Isighed.“Fine.I’llgetintouchlater,
okay?”
Kilegavemyhandaquicksqueeze.“Sure.
Letmeknowifyouneedanything.”
IsmiledasIlefthim,knowingthathe
meantthat.Inthebackofmymind,Ifelt
certainalltheyoungmeninthatroomwould
rushtomysideifIneededthemto,andthat
wasasmallsilverliningonanotherwise
drearyday.
Iroundedthestairs,tryingtoguessatwho
washere.Ifithadbeenfamily,they’dhave
beenbroughttoaroom;andifitwasagov-
ernororsomeotherofficialvisitor,they’d
havesentupacard.Whowassoimportant
thattheycouldn’tevenbeannounced?
AsIdescendedtothefirstfloor,thean-
swertomyquestionstoodthere,hisbright
smilemakingmybreathcatch.
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MaridIlléahadn’tsetfootinthepalacein
years.ThelasttimeI’dlaideyesonhim,he
wasaganglypreteenwhohadn’tquite
masteredconventionalconversation.Buthis
roundcheekshadturnedintoajawline
sharpenoughtocut,andhisstringylimbs
hadfilledout,hittingtheseamsofhissuit
withperfectprecision.HeheldmygazeasI
approached,andeventhoughhishandswere
fullwithanoverflowingbasket,hebowed
andsmiledasifhewascompletely
unencumbered.
“YourHighness,”hesaid.“I’msorryto
comeunannounced,butassoonasweheard
aboutyourmother,wefeltwehadtodo
something.So…”
Heheldoutthebaskettowardme.Itwas
fullofgifts.Flowers,thinbooks,jarsofsoupwithribbonsaroundthelids,andevenafew
bakeryitemsthatlookedsogooditwashard
nottotakeoneformyself.
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“Marid,”Isaid,agreeting,aquestion,and
anadmonitionallatonce.“Thisisaboveand
beyond,allthingsconsidered.”
Heshrugged.“Disagreementsdon’tmean
alossofcompassion.Ourqueenissick,and
thiswastheleastwecoulddo.”
Ismiled,movedbyhissuddenappear-
ance.Imotionedtoaguard.
“Takethistothehospitalwing,please.”
Hetookthegiftbasket,andIturnedmy
focusbacktoMarid.
“Yourparentsdidn’twanttocome?”
Heshovedhishandsintohispocketsand
grimaced.“Theywereafraidthevisitwould
seemmorepoliticalthanpersonal.”
Inodded.“Understandable.Butpleasetell
themnottoworryaboutthatinthefuture.
They’restillwelcomehere.”
Maridsighed.“Theydidn’tthinkso,not
aftertheir…exit.”
Ipressedmylipstogether,rememberingit
allsoclearly.
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AugustIlléaandmyfatherhadworkedto-
gethercloselyaftermygrandparentsdied,
tryingtodissolvethecastesasquicklyas
theycould.WhenAugustcomplainedthat
changewasn’thappeningfastenough,Dad
pulledrankandtoldhimtorespecthisplan.
WhenDadcouldn’tquiteerasethestigmaof
beinginthelowercastes,Augustsaidhe
neededtogethis“spoiledass”outofthe
palaceandintothestreets.Dadhadalways
beenapatientman,and,fromwhatIre-
memberedofAugust,hewasalwaysonedge.
Intheendtherewasabigfight,andAugust
andGeorgiapackedtheirthings,including
theirbashfulson,andleftinahurricaneof
hurtandanger.
I’dheardMarid’svoiceonceortwiceon
theradiosincethen,givingpoliticalcom-
mentaryorbusinessadvice,butitwas
strangenow,havingthatvoicesyncuptothe
movementsofhislipsandseeinghimsmile
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soeasilywhenImostlyrememberedhim
slouchedoverhimselfwhenhewasyounger.
“Honestly,Idon’tunderstandwhyour
fathershaven’tspokenrecently.You’vecer-
tainlyseentheissueswiththepost-castedis-criminationwe’vebeentryingtoquell.I
thoughtoneofthemmightbreakandseek
outtheother.It’spastbeingapointofprideanymore.”
Maridextendedanarm.“Perhapswe
couldwalkandtalk?”
Ilinkedmyarmthroughhis,andwebegan
movingdownthehall.
“Howisitgoingsofar?”
Ishrugged.“Asbestitcanunderthe
circumstances.”
“I’dliketotellyoutolookonthebright
side,butitmightbehardtofindone.”
“Sofar,allIcanthinkofisthatI’mhelp-
ingmyparents.”
“True.Andwhoknows?Youmightbeable
tomakesomeseriouschangeswhileyou’re
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inoffice.Likeallthepost-casteissues.Ourparentscouldn’tgetitright,butmaybeyou
could.”
Thatthoughtcomfortedmelessthanhe
intended.Ididn’thopetobeincontrollong
enoughtomakeanychangesatall.
“I’mnotquitesureI’mcapableofthat.”
“Well,YourHighness—”
“Please,Marid.It’sEadlyn.You’veknown
mesincebeforeIwasborn.”
Hesmirked.“Verytrue.Still,youarere-
gentrightnow,anditfeelswrongnottoad-
dressyouproperly.”
“AndwhatshouldIcallyou?”
“Nothingbutaloyalsubject.I’dliketoof-
feranyhelpIcaninthistensetime.AndI
knowthedissolutionofthecasteswasn’tas
cleanasyouallhoped,noteveninthebegin-
ning.I’vespentyearslendingmyeartothe
public.IthinkI’veheardthemveryclearly,
andifmycommentarywouldbeuseful,
pleaseletmeknow.”
55/467
IraisedmyeyebrowsasIconsideredhis
words.Iknewalotmoreaboutthelivesof
commonersthesedaysthankstotheSelec-
ted,butanexpertonpublicopinionmightbe
aperfecttooltohaveinmyarsenal.And
evenifIdidn’thavegreatambitionsformy
shorttimeonthethrone,somethinglikethis
mightshowmypeopleIcared,andthatwas
critical.EspeciallyconsideringwhatAhren
hadsaidinhisletter.
IthitmelikeapuncheverytimeIre-
memberedhiswords,butIknewhewouldn’t
havetoldmethatthepeopledespisedmeif
hehadn’tthoughtitwouldservesomegood.
Eventhoughheleft,Itrustedthat.
“Thankyou,Marid.IfIcoulddoanything
toeasethestressthatthissituationhas
broughttomyfather,itwouldbeahuge
blessing.Whenhe’sreadytocomebackto
work,I’dlikethecountrytobethecalmest
he’sseenitinyears.I’llbeintouch.”
56/467
Hepulledacardoutofhispocketand
handedittome.“That’smypersonalnum-
ber.Callanytime.”
Ismiled.“Willyourparentsbeupsetthat
you’rehelpingme?Isn’tthisfraternizing
withtheenemy?”
“No,no,”hesaid,histonelight.“Ourpar-
entshadthesamegoal.Theysimplyhaddif-
ferentmethodsofreachingit.Andnow,with
yourmotherunwell,youshouldn’thaveto
worrysomuchaboutthingsthatarefixable,
andthecountry’smoralecertainlyis.Now
morethanever,Ithinkourparentswillap-
proveofusworkingtogether.”
“Let’shope,”Isaid.“Fartoomanythings
havebeenbreakinglately.Somemending
woulddomegood.”
ISLIPPEDINTOTHEBATH,notingtherewasno
lavender,nobubbles,noanythingtosweeten
thewater.Eloisewasquietandfast,butshe
wasnoNeena.Isighed.Itdidn’tmatter,I
supposed,sincethiswaslittlemorethana
smallspacewhereatlastIcouldstoppre-
tendingIknewwhatIwasdoing.Icurledmy
kneestomychest,finallyfreetoweep.
WhatwasIgoingtodo?Ahrenwasn’there
toguidemeanymore,andIworriedI’dmake
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mistakeaftermistakewithouthim.Andwhy
hadn’thecalledyet?Whywasn’theonthe
firstflighthome?
WhatwouldIdoiftheytookthetubesout
ofMom’sthroatandshecouldn’tbreatheon
herown?Isuddenlyrealizedthateven
thoughI’dneverthoughtofmarriageand
childreninaspecificandpersonalway,I’d
alwaysenvisionedherdancingatmywed-
dingandcooingovermyfirstborn.Whatif
shewasn’ttheretodothat?
HowwasIsupposedtostepintoDad’s
shoes?Todayhadwornmedowntothe
bone.Icouldn’timaginedoingthisallday
everydayforthenextfewweeks,letalone
theyearsI’dhavetodoitwhenItrulyinheritedthethrone.
AndhowwasIgoingtochooseahusband?
Whowasthebestchoice?Whowouldthe
publicapproveofthemost?Wasthatevena
fairquestiontoask?Ortherightone?
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Iwipedmyeyeswiththeheelofmyhand
likeachildandwishedIcouldgobacktobe-
ingblissfullyunawareofhowmuchbad
couldpileupinasingleday.
Ihadpowerandnoideahowtouseit.I
wasarulerwhodidn’tknowhowtolead.I
wasatwinwhowasonherown.Iwasa
daughterwithmissingparents.Ihadahalf
dozensuitorsandwasn’tsurehowtobein
love.
Thetensionconstrictingaroundmyheart
wouldbeenoughtooverwhelmanyone.I
rubbedattheacheinmychest,wonderingif
thatwashowitallstartedforMom.Isatup,sloshingthewater,pushingthethoughtfrom
myhead.
You’refine.She’sfine.Youjusthaveto
keepgoing.
Igotdressedandwasalmostreadytoturn
inforthenightwhenIheardatimidknock
atthedoor.
“Eady?”someonecalled.
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“Osten?”Hepokedhisheadin,with
Kadenrightbehindhim,andIrushedoverto
them.“Areyoutwoallright?”
“We’reokay,”Kadenassuredme.“And
we’renotscaredoranything.”
“Notatall,”Ostenadded.
“Butwehaven’theardanynewsabout
Mom,andwethoughtmaybeyouwould
knowsomething.”
Ismackedmyselfinthehead.“I’msorry.I
shouldhavetoldyouwhatwasgoingon.”I
cursedmyself,thinkingofhowI’djustspent
twentyminutesinabathinsteadoftaking
thetimetofindmybrothers.
“She’srecovering.”Itriedtochoosemy
wordscarefully.“She’sbeingkeptasleepso
shecanheal.YouknowMom.Ifshewas
awake,she’dwanttochaseafterustomake
sureweweredoingeverythingweweresup-
posedto.Thiswayshe’llgetenoughrestso
thatshe’llbehealthywhenshewakesup.”
61/467
“Oh.”Osten’sshoulderslifted,andIcould
seethat,asmuchasallthiswasgettingto
me,itwasevenharderonthem.
“WhataboutAhren?”Kadenpickedata
hangnail,athingI’dneverseenhimdo.
“Nowordyet,butI’msureit’sjustbecause
he’sgettingsettledin.Afterall,he’samarriedman.”
Kaden’sexpressionshowedhewasn’tsat-
isfiedwiththatanswer.“Doyouthinkhe’ll
comeback?”
Itookadeepbreath.“Let’snotworry
aboutthattonight.I’msurehe’llcallsoon,
andhe’llbeabletotelluseverything.For
now,allyoutwoneedtoknowis,yourbroth-
erishappy,yourmomisgoingtobeokay,
andIhaveeverythingundercontrol.All
right?”
Theysmiled.“Allright.”
Osten’sexpressionwentfromperfectly
finetocompletelydistraughtinseconds,and
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hislipbegantotremble.“It’smyfault,isn’tit?”
“What’syourfault?”Igotononekneein
frontofhim.
“Mom.It’smyfault.Shealwaystoldmeto
calmdownalittlemore,andthenshe’drun
herhandthroughherhairlikeshewasworn
out.It’smyfault.Imadehertootired.”
“Atleastyoudidn’tbotherheroverschool
somuch,”Kadensaidquietly.“Iwasalways
buggingherforbooksandbettertutors,and
makingheranswerquestionswhenshehad
otherstufftodo.Itookupallhertime.”
Sowewereallblamingourselves.Perfect.
“Osten,don’tthinkthat.Ever,”Iinsisted,
pullinghiminforahug.“Momisaqueen.If
anything,youweretheleaststressfulpartofherlife.Yes,it’shardtobeamother,butshealwayshadustoruntoifsheneededalaugh.
Andwho’seasilythefunniestofthefourof
us?”
63/467
“Me.”Hisvoicewasweak,buthedidsmile
alittleashewipedhisnose.
“Exactly.AndKaden,doyouthinkMom
wouldratheryouaskheradozenquestions
orhaveyouwanderthroughlifewiththe
wronganswers?”
Hefidgetedwithhisfingerssomemoreas
hethoughtitover.“She’dwantmetocome
toher.”
“Sothereyougo.Let’sbehonest—we’rea
prettyintensebunch,yeah?”Ostenlaughed,
andKaden’sexpressionbrightened.“But
whateverweputherthrough,itwaswel-
come.She’dratherhaveforcedmetolearn
mypenmanshipthanneverhavehada
daughter.She’dratherhavebeenyourliving
encyclopediathannotconnectwithus.She’d
ratherhavebeggedyoutositstillthanhave
hadonlythreechildren.Noneofthisisbe-
causeofus,”Ipromised.
Iwaitedforthemtoturnandrun,toget
pastshowingthistinychinkintheirarmor.
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Buttheydidn’tbudge.Isighedtomyself,
knowingwhattheywerehopingforandreal-
izingIwaspreparedtolosesomemuch-
neededsleepontheirbehalf.
“Doyouwanttostayheretonight?”
Ostenboltedovertomybed.“Yeah!”
Ishookmyhead.WhatwasIgoingtodo
withtheseboys?Icrawledintobed,and
Kadenpressedhimselfagainstmybackas
Ostenrestedhisheadonthepillowacross
fromme.Irealizedthatthebathroomlight
wasstillon,butIletitgo.Weneededalittlelightatthemoment.
“It’snotthesamewithoutAhren,”Kaden
saidquietly.
Ostenpulledhisarmsinclose,bundling
himselfup.“Yeah.Itdoesn’tfeelright.”
“Iknow.Butdon’tworry.We’llfindanew
normal.You’llsee.”Somehow,forthem,I
wouldmakethathappen.
“GOODMORNING,YOURHIGHNESS.”
“Goodmorning,”Irepliedtothebutler.
“Strongcoffee,please,andwhateverthechef
haspreparedfortheEliteisfine.”
“Ofcourse.”
Hereturnedwithblueberrypancakesand
sausagelinks,andahard-boiledeggslicedinhalf.IpickedatmymealwhileIskimmed
thepapers.Therewasnewsofbadweather
inoneareaandsomespeculationoverwhoI
66/467
mightmarrysomewhereelse,butingeneral,
itlookedliketheentirenationhadlostthe
willtodomuchmorethanworryabout
Mom.Iwasgrateful.Ihadbeenpositivethe
countrywouldrevoltwhenIwasnamedre-
gent.PartofmewasstillworriedthatifI
gavetheslightestindicationthatImightfail,theirhatredwouldslamintomewithout
mercy.
“Gooddaytoday!”someonecalled.Not
someone.IwouldhaverecognizedHenri’sgreetingeveninthegrave.
Iliftedmyheadtosmileandwaveathim
andErik.IkindoflovedthatHenriwasim-
pervioustothesadnesshangingoverthe
palace.AndErikseemedtobethehandthat
guidedhischargebackdowntoEarth,calm
andkind,regardlessofwhathappened
aroundhim.
OstenandKadenwalkedinwithKile,their
headstogetherastheymoved.Kilewastry-
ingtomakethemsmile—Icouldreaditin
67/467
hisbodylanguage—and,fortheirpart,they
gavehimsmall,tight-lippedgrins.Ean
enteredwithHaleandFox,andIwaspleas-
antlysurprisedtoseehimfinallyinteractingwithsomeoftheothers.Gunnertrailedbehindthemasifforgotten.I’dkepthimintheElitebecauseIcouldn’tshakehowhispoem
hadmademelaugh.Butbeyondthat,I
hardlyknewhim.Iwasgoingtohavetotry
harderwithhim,withallofthem.
Mybrotherssatdowntogetherattheir
normalplaces,moresubduedthanusual.
Seeingourfamilytablesoemptysentapang
ofsadnessthroughmywholebody.Thattype
ofsorrow,thequiet,lonelykind,cantake
oversoquicklythatapersoncouldmissit.Icouldseeittryingtocreepintomybrothers
now,inthewaytheyheldtheirheadsalittlelower,probablynotevenaware
theywere
doingit.
“Osten?”Hepeekedoveratme,andI
couldfeeltheElite’seyesonus.“Doyou
68/467
remember
the
time
Mom
made
us
pancakes?”
Kadenstartedlaughing,turningtothe
otherstotellthestory.“Momusedtocooka
lotgrowingup,andeveryonceinawhile
she’dmakefoodforus,justforfun.Thelasttimeshetriedwasmaybefouryearsago.”
Ismirked.“Sheknewshewasoutofprac-
tice,butshewantedtomakeusblueberry
pancakes.Thethingwas,shewantedtoar-
rangetheberriesinthemsotheymadestars
andflowersandfaces.Butsheleftthebatteronthegriddlesolongtoputtheberriesin
thatwhensheflippedthepancakes,they
wereallburned.”
Ostenlaughed.“Idoremember!Iremem-
berthecrunchypancakes!”
IheardchucklesfromtheElite.
“Youweresobad,though,youdidn’teven
tryone!”Kadenaccused.
Inoddedshamefully.“Itwasself-
preservation.”
69/467
“Theywereprettygood,actually.Crispy,
butgood.”Ostentookabiteofoneofthe
pancakesinfrontofhim.“Theymakethese
onesseemweak.”
IheardoneloudchuckleandsawthatFox
wasshakinghishead.“Mydad’sanawful
cook,too,”hesaid,projectinghisvoice.“Wegrillalot,andhe’salwayssayingit’s
‘charred.’”Foxliftedhisfingerstoquotetheword.
“Whatheactuallymeansisburned,yeah?”
Gunnerasked.
“Yep.”
“Myfather,”Eriksaidtimidly.Iwassur-
prisedhewantedtojoinintheconversation,
andIfoundmyselfleaningmyheadonmy
elbow,drawnin.“Heandmymotherhave
thisonedishtheymakeforeachother,anditrequiresfrying.Thelasttimehemadeit,he
lefttheroomwhileitwascooking,andthe
smokewassobad,theyhadtomoveinwith
70/467
mefortwodayswhiletheyairedthehouse
out.”
“Doyouhaveaspareroom?”Kileasked.
Erikshookhishead.“No.Somyliving
roombecamemybedroom,whichwasa
treatwhenmymomwokeupatsixandde-
cidedtostartcleaning.”
Gunnerlaughedinagreement.“Whydo
parentsalwaysdothat?Andalwaysonthe
onedayyoucansleepin?”
Isquinted.“Can’tyoujustaskthemnot
to?”
Foxlaughedwildly.“Maybeyoucan,Your
Highness.”
IwasveryawarethatIwasbeingteased,
butIknewitwasallingoodfun.
Halespokeup.“Speakingofwhich,isany-
oneelseworriedaboutbeingincredibly
spoiledifyouloseandhavetogohomeafter
livinglikethis?”Hegesturedtothetableandroom.
71/467
“Notme,”Kileansweredflatly,andthe
boyserupted.
Theroomdissolvedintostoriesandcom-
ments,thetailendofeverysentencespark-
inganewmemoryfromsomeoneelse.The
conversationgrewsoloud,thelaughterso
boisterous,thatnoonenoticedthelonemaid
walkingdownthecenterofthefloor.She
curtsiedandbentherfaceclosetomine.
“Yourmotherisawake.”
Aflurryofemotionswashedoverme,a
dozenfeelingsallpracticallyunidentifiable
exceptforthecommonsensationofjoy.
“Thankyou!”Irushedfromtheroom,too
afraidtowaitforKadenandOsten.
Myfeetflewdownthehalls,andIburstin-
tothehospitalwing,onlypausingtobrace
myselfonceIreachedherdoor.AsIslowly
openedit,Iwasawareoftheheartmonitor,
stillrecordingeverybeat,andhowthepace
tickedupanotchwhenoureyesmet.
“Mom?”Iwhispered.
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Dadlookedoverhisshoulder,smiling
thoughhiseyeswereredandbrimmingwith
tears.
“Eadlyn,”Momwhispered,holdingouther
hand.
Iwenttoher,thetearsinmyeyesblurring
myvisionsomuchIcouldhardlymakeher
out.
“Hey,Mom.Howareyou?”Iwrappedmy
fingersaroundhers,tryingnottogriptoo
tightly.
“Ithurtsalittle.”Whichmeantitmust
hurtalot.
“Well,youjusttakeyourtimefeelingbet-
ter,okay?Norush.”
“Howareyou?”
Istooduptaller,hopingtoconvinceher.
“I’vegoteverythingundercontrol,and
KadenandOstenaredoinggreat—I’msure
they’rerightbehindme.AndIhaveadate
tonight.”
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“Goodjob,Eady.”Dadgrinnedandturned
hisheadbacktoMom.“See,darling?I’mnot
evenneededoutthere.Icanstayherewith
you.”
“Ahren?”Momasked,takingadeepbreath
afterward.
Iwascrestfallen.AsIopenedmymouthto
tellherwehadn’theardfromhim,Dad
spokeup.“Hecalledthismorning.”
Istoodthere,stunned.“Oh?”
“He’shopingtocomehomesoon,buthe
saidthereweresomecomplications,though
hewasalittletooflusteredtoexplainwhat
theywere.Hetoldmetotellyouheloves
you.”I’dhopedthosewordswereforme,but
DadwaslookingdirectlyatMomwhenhe
spoke.
“Iwantmyson,”Momsaid,hervoice
cracking.
“Iknow,darling.Soon.”Dadrubbed
Mom’shand.
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“Mama?”Ostencameintotheroom,his
faceshowingthathewasbarelycontaining
hisexcitement.Kadenwassniffling,holding
himselfuprightasifhethoughthimself
abovecrying.
“Hithere.”Mommanagedtopullupabig
smileforthem,andwhenOstenbentdown
andhuggedher,shemadeapainedfacebut
didn’tletoutasound.
“We’vebeenverygood,”hepromised.
Mom
smiled.
“Well,
stop
that
immediately.”
Welaughed.
“Hi,Mom.”Kadenkissedhercheek,look-
ingafraidtotouchherjustyet.
Sheraisedherhandtocuphisface.She
seemedtogrowstrongereachsecondsimply
fromseeingus.Iwonderedwhatshe’dhave
doneifAhrenwashere.Jumpoutofthe
bed?
“IwantedyoutoknowthatI’mokay.”Her
chestroseandfellaggressively,buthersmile
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didn’tfalter.“IthinkIcangobackupstairstomorrow.”
Dadnoddedquickly.“Yes,ifweget
throughtodaywithoutincident,yourmother
canrecuperateinherroom.”
“That’sreallygood.”Kaden’svoiceliftedat
thisnews.“Soyou’rehalfwaybackto
normal.”
Ididn’twanttokillthehopeinhiseyes,orOsten’s.Kadenwastypicallysoclever,seeingaroundeverypretense,buttherewasnomistakinghowhardhewaswillingthistobe
true.
“Exactly,”Momsaid.
“Okay,everyone,”Dadsaid.“Nowthat
you’veseenMom,Iwantyoutogetbackto
yourstudies.Westillhaveacountrytorun.”
“Eadlyngaveusthedayoff,”Osten
protested.
Ismiledguiltily.Whenwe’dgottenoutof
bedthismorning,thatwasmyonlyorder.I
neededthemtoplay.
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Momlaughed,aweakbutbeautifulsound.
“Suchagenerousqueen.”
“Notqueenyet,”Iprotested,thankfulthat
thetruequeenstilllivedandspokeand
smiled.
“Allthesame,”Dadsaid,“yourmother
needsrest.I’llmakesureyouseeheragain
beforebedtime.”
Thatmollifiedtheboys,andtheyleft,wav-
ingtoMom.
Ikissedherhead.“Iloveyou.”
“Mygirl.”Herweakfingerstouchedmy
hair.“Iloveyou.”
Thosewordswerethefirstbookendofmy
day,andIcouldgetthroughtherestofit
knowingKileWoodworkwouldbetheother.
AsIleftthehospitalwing,Icameacross
anotherWoodwork.
“MissMarlee?”Iasked.
Shelookedupfromthebenchshewassit-
tingon,wringingahandkerchiefinher
hands,herfaceblotchyfromcrying.
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“Areyouokay?”
Shesmiled.“Morethanokay.Iwasso
afraidshemightnotcomeback,and…I
honestlydon’tknowwhatI’ddowithouther.
Beinghere,withyourmom,hasbeenmy
wholelife.”
Isatdown,huggingmymother’sdearest
friend,andsheheldontomeasifIwasher
owndaughter.Partofmefeltsad,becauseI
knewshewasn’tbeingdramaticwhenshe
saidthat.Onelookatherscarredpalmstold
thelongstoryofhowshe’dgonefromworthy
competitortowickedtraitortofaithfullady.
Whentheytalkedaboutthepast,somede-
tailswereglossedover,andIneverpusheditbecauseitwasn’tmyplace.ButIworried
thatsometimesMissMarleefeltlikemypar-
ents’pardonwasstillcontingentonherand
herhusbandpayingitbackindevotion.
“Theysaidthatyouandyourbrothers
werevisiting,andIwanttoseeher,butI
didn’twanttocutoffyourtime.”
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“Didyouseetheboysleave?We’reall
donenow.Youshouldhurryinbeforeshe
fallsbackasleep.Iknowshe’dwanttosee
you.”
Shewipedhercheeksagain.“HowdoI
look?”
I
laughed.
“Positively
wretched.”
I
squeezedher.“Gooninthere.Andcanyou
trytocheckonthemformefromtimeto
time?IknowIwon’tbeabletocomedown
hereasoftenasI’dlike.”
“Don’tyouworry.I’llsendupdatesasof-
tenasIcan.”
“Thankyou,MissMarlee.”
Afteronelasthug,shemadeherwayinto
thehospitalwing.Isighed,tryingtoletmy-
selfenjoythisbriefmomentofcalm.Atleastfornow,everythingwasonitswaytobeing
better.
KILEHELDHISHANDAGAINSTthesmallofmy
back,walkingmethroughthegarden.The
moonwaslowandfull,castingshadowseven
inthenight.
“Youwerespectacularthismorning,”he
said,shakinghishead.“We’veallbeenwor-
riedaboutyourmom,andit’ssostrangenot
havingAhrenaround.AndKaden?I’venever
seenhimlookso…bewildered.”
“It’sawful.He’sthestableone.”
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“Don’tworrytoomuch.Itmakessense
thathe’dbealittleshakenrightnow.”
IinchedevenclosertoKile.“Iknow.It’s
justhardtoseeithappentosomeonewho
nevergetsshaken.”
“Whichiswhybreakfastwassogreat.I
thoughtweweregoingtosufferthrougha
painfulmealtogether,unabletotalkabout
whatwashappening,oreventalkatall.Then
youjustopeneditup.Itwasremarkable.
Don’tforgetyouhavethatskill.”Heshook
hisfingeratme.
“Whatskill?Distraction?”Ilaughed.
“No.”Hewrestledwiththewords.“More
likethemeanstoalleviate.Imean,you’ve
doneitbefore.AtpartiesoronReports.Youchangemomentum.Noteveryonecando
that.”
Wewalkedtotheedgeofthegarden,
wherethelandopeneduptoawide,flat
spacebeforetheforeststarted.
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“Thanks.Thatmeansalot.I’vebeen
worried.”
“Nothingwrongwiththat.”
“It’sbiggerthanMomthough.”Istopped
andputmyhandsonmyhips,wondering
howmuchIshouldtellhim.“Ahrenleftmea
letter.Didyouknowthatthepeoplearedis-
pleasedwiththemonarchy?Specifically,
me?AndnowI’mbasicallyincharge,and
honestly,I’mnotsureifthey’llstandforit.Ialreadyhadfoodthrownatmeonce.I’ve
readsomanyawfularticlesaboutmyself…
Whatiftheycomeafterme?”
“Whatiftheydo?”hejoked.“It’snotlike
therearen’totheroptions.Wecouldbecome
adictatorship—that’dputpeopleinline.
There’safederalrepublic,aconstitutional
monarchy…oh,maybeatheocracy!We
couldgiveeverythingovertothechurch.”
“Kile,I’mserious!Whatiftheydepose
me?”
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Hecradledmyfaceinhishands.“Eadlyn,
that’snotgoingtohappen.”
“Butithasbefore!That’showmygrand-
parentsdied.Peoplecameintotheirhome
andkilledthem.Andeveryoneworshipped
mygrandmother!”Icouldfeelthetears
rising.Ugh,I’dbeensuchaweepymessthe
lastcoupleofdays!Iwipedthemaway,fum-
blingoverhisfingersintheprocess.
“Listentome.Thatwasapocketofradic-
als.They’regonenow,andthepeopleout
therearetoobusytryingtolivetheirlivestospendtimemessingwithyours.”
“Ican’tbankonthat,”Iwhispered.“There
werethingsIwasalwayssureof,andalmost
allofthathasfallenapartinthelastfew
weeks.”
“Doyou…”Hepausedashegazedintomy
eyes.“Doyouneedtonotthinkrightnow?”
Iswallowed,processingtheoffer.Here
withjustthetwoofusinthedark,quiet
evening,itfeltsosimilartothenightofour
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firstkiss.Onlythistimethere’dbenoone
watching,noonetoprintitinanewspaper.
Ourparentswerenowhereinsight,andthe
guardsweren’ttrailingoursteps.Formeit
meantthat,forjustonemoment,therewas
nothingtokeepmefromhavingwhatI
wanted.
“I’ddoanythingyouaskedmeto,Eadlyn,”
hewhispered.
Ishookmyhead.“ButIcan’task.”
Hesquinted.“Whynot?DidIdo
somethingwrong?”
“No,youidiot,”Isaid,pullingaway.“Ap-
parently…”Ihuffed.“Itseemsyoudid
somethingright.Ican’tjustkissyoulikeit’snothing,becauseitturnsoutthatyou’renot
nothing.”
Istaredattheground,growingincreas-
inglyirritated.
“Thisisallyourfault,bytheway!”Iac-
cused,glaringathimasIpaced.“Iwasfine
notlikingyou.Iwasfinenotlikinganyone.”
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Icoveredmyface.“AndnowI’minthe
middleofthisthingandsolostIcanhardly
thinkstraight.ButIknowthatyoumatter,
andIdon’tknowwhattodoaboutit.”When
Igatheredenoughcouragetolookupathim
again,hewassmirking.“Forgoodness’sake,
don’tlooksosmug.”
“Sorry,”hesaid,stillsmiling.
“Doyouknowhowscaryitisformetosay
allthat?”
Hebridgedthegapbetweenus.“Probably
asscaryasitisformetohearit.”
“I’mserious,Kile.”
“SoamI!Firstofall,it’sstrangetothink
aboutwhatitallmeans.Becauseyoucome
withatitleandathroneandawholelife
plannedoutforyou.That’sinsaneformeto
tryandtakein.Andsecondofall,morethan
anyonehere,Iknowthatyouholdyourcards
closetoyourchest.Aconfessionlikethat
mustbepracticallypainfulforyou.”
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Inodded.“NotthatI’mmadthatIlikeyou
…exceptthatIkindofam.”
Helaughed.“Itisratherinfuriating.”
“ButIneedtoknow,now,beforewego
anyfurther,doyoufeelanythinglikethatforme?
Even
the
smallest
glimmer
of
something?Becauseifnot,Ihavetomake
plans.”
“AndifIdo?”
Iliftedmyarmsandletthemflopdownto
mysidesagain.“ThenIstillhavetomake
plans,butthey’llbedifferent.”
Hesighedheavily.“Turnsoutyoumatter
tome,too.AndIwouldn’thavethought
aboutitexceptformydesignslately.”
“Uh…howromantic?”
Helaughed.“No,really,itkindofis.Usu-
allyIgetexcitedaboutdesigningskyscrapersandhomelessshelters,thingsthatsomeone
mightremember,ormighthelppeople.But
theotherdayIfoundmyselfdesigningyoua
summerhouse,aminiaturepalace,maybe
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somethingwithavineyard.ThismorningI
gotanideaforabeachhouse.”
Igasped.“I’vealwayswantedabeach
house!”
“Notthatwe’devergettouseitwithyou
runningtheworldandall.”
“It’sasweetthoughtallthesame.”
Heshrugged.“Itjustseemslikeeverything
Iwanttomakelatelyissomethingforyou.”
“Thatmeansalot.Iknowhowimportant
yourworkistoyou.”
“It’snotreallymywork.SomethingthatI
careaboutisall.”
“Okay,then.Howaboutfornowwejust
addthistothatpile?Thisissomethingwe
careabout,andwebothknowit,andwe’ll
watchitandseewhathappens.”
“That’sfair.Idon’twanttodiscourageyou
atall,butitfeelstoosoontocallthislove.”
“Absolutely!”Iagreed.“It’stoosoon,and
that’stoobig.”
“Toobusy.”
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“Tooscary.”
He
laughed.
“On
par
with
being
dethroned?”
“Atleast!”
“Wow.Okay.”Hecontinuedtosmile,
probablyconsideringtheunlikelihoodofus
fallingforeachotherhimself.“So,what
now?”
“IcontinuetheSelection,Ithink.Idon’t
wanttohurtyourfeelings,butIhavetokeepgoing.Ihavetobecertain.”
Henodded.“Iwouldn’twantyouifyou
weren’t.”
“Thankyou,sir.”
Westoodthere,thesoundofthewindin
thegrasstheonlynoise.
Heclearedhisthroat.“Ithinkweneed
food.”
“AslongasIdon’thavetocookit.”
Hethrewhisarmaroundmyshoulderas
weturnedbacktothepalace.Itfeltlikea
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veryboyfriendishthingtodo.“Butwedidso
greatlasttime.”
“AllIlearnedaboutwasbutter.”
“Thenyouknoweverything.”
InthemorningIheadedstraightdowntothe
hospitalwing,desperatetoseeMom’sface.
Evenifshewasasleep,Ijustneededtoberemindedshewasaliveandhealing.Butwhen
Icrackedopenthedoorthistime,shewas
sittingup,wideawake…andDadwas
asleep.Smiling,sheheldupafingertoher
lips.Withherotherhandshetracedgentle
linesthroughhishairashelayspilledoutofhischairandontoherbed,onearmbeneath
hisheadandtheotheracrossherlap.
Iquietlywalkedtotheothersideofthe
bedtokisshercheek.
“Ikeepwakingupinthenight,”she
whispered,givingmealittlesqueeze.“All
thesetubesandthingsarebotheringme.
Andeverytime,he’sawake,watchingme.It
doesmegoodtoseehimsleep.”
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“Me,too.He’sbeenlookingalittlerough.”
Shesmiled.“Eh.I’veseenhimworse.He’ll
makeitthroughthis,too.”
“Havethedoctorscheckedonyouyet?”
Sheshookherhead.“Iaskedthemtocome
againoncehe’srestedalittle.I’llgetbacktomyroomsoonenough.”
Ofcourse.Ofcoursethewomanwhojust
hadaheartattackcouldsparegettingherselftoamorecomfortableplacesoherhusband
couldtakeanap.Seriously,evenifIdidfindsomeone,coulditevercomparetothem?
“Howareyoudoing?Iseveryonebeing
helpful?”Momcontinuedtorunherhand
throughDad’shair.
“IfiredCoddly.Idon’tthinkItoldyou
yesterday.”
Shestilled,staringintently.“What?Why?”
“Oh,nobigdeal.Hejustwantedtogoto
war.”
Shecoveredhermouth,tryingnottolaugh
athowcavalierlyIdiscussedinvasion.A
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secondlatershestoppedsmilingatalland
movedbothofherhandstoherchest.
“Mom?”Iaskedtooloudly.Dad’sheadin-
stantlyshotup.
“Darling?What’swrong?”
Momshookherhead.“It’sjustthe
stitches.I’mfine.”
Dadsettledbackintohisseatbutsatup,
donewithsleepforthemoment.Momtried
tostartuptheconversationagain,doing
anythingtotakethefocusoffherself.
“HowabouttheSelection?Howarethings
goingthere?”
Ipaused.“Umm,okay,Ithink.Ihaven’t
hadalotoftimetospendwiththeboys,but
I’mgoingtoworkonthat.Especiallysince
there’saReportcomingup.”
“Youknow,honey,noonewouldfaultyou
forcallingitoff.You’vebeenthroughalot
thislastweek,andyou’reactingasregent.
I’mnotsureyoushouldbetryingtobalance
allthis.”
91/467
“Theyareveryniceboys,”Dadoffered,
“butifit’stakingtoomuchofyourfocus…”
Isighed.“Ithinkweneedtostopdancing
aroundthefactthatIamnotthemostbe-
lovedmemberofthisfamily.Atleastnotto
thegeneralpublic.Yousaynoonewould
faultme,butIfeelveryconfidentthey
would.”MomandDadsharedalook,seem-
ingtowanttorefutethisbutnotwantingto
lieatthesametime.“IfI’mgoingtobe
queenoneday,Ineedtowinthepeople
over.”
“Andyouthinkfindingahusbandisthe
waytoaccomplishthat?”Momasked
suspiciously.
“Yes.It’sallabouttheirperceptionofme.
TheythinkI’mtoocold.Themostabsolute
waytorefutethatwouldbetogetmarried.
TheythinkI’mtoomasculine.Themostab-
solutewaytorefutethatistobeabride.”
“Idon’tknow.I’mstillveryhesitantabout
youcontinuing.”
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“NeedIremindyouthatthisSelectionwas
youridea?”
Shesighed.
“Listentoyourdaughter,”Dadsaid.“Very
smartgirl.Getsitfromme.”
“Don’tyouwantsomemoresleep?”she
askedflatly.
“No,I’mfeelingveryrefreshed,”hesaid.I
wasn’tsureifitwasbecausehewantedto
continuetheconversationorifhefelthe
neededtokeephisattentiononMom.Either
way,hewasclearlylying.
“Dad,youlooklikedeathpunchedyouin
theface.”
“Youmustgetthatfromme,too.”
“Dad!”
Helaughed,andMomdid,too,herhand
goingbacktoputpressureonherchest.
“Look!Yourterriblejokesarenowlife
threatening.Youhavetostopthem.”
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HesharedasmilewithMom.“Godowhat
youneedtodo,Eadlyn.Wewillsupportyou
inwhateverwaywecan.”
“Thankyou.Bothofyou,pleasegetsome
rest.”
“Ugh,she’ssobossy,”Momlamented.
Dadnodded.“Iknow.Whodoesshethink
sheis?”
Ilookedbackatthemonelasttime.Dad
gavemeawink.Nomatterwhowasagainst
metoday,atleastIhadthem.
Ileftthemandstrodeupstairstotheof-
fice,shockedtofindabeautifulbouquetof
flowersonmydesk.
“Someonethinksyou’redoingagoodjob,
huh?”Neenaremarked.
“OrtheythinkI’lldiefromthestressand
wantedtobeateveryonetothepunch,”I
joked,notsureIwantedtoadmithowhap-
pilysurprisedIwas.
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“Lightenup.You’vebeendoinggreat.”But
Neena’seyesweren’tevenonme.Theyhad
zoomedinonthecard.
Ituckeditclosetomychestasshewhined,
andliftedthenotejustenoughsoIcould
readit.
Youlookedalittledownwhenweparted
theotherday.Wantedtodaytostartona
happiernote.I’mhereforyou.—Marid
IsmiledandpassedittoNeena,who
sighedbeforeturningbacktolookatthe
hugebouquet.
“Whoarethosefrom?”GeneralLeger
asked,cominginthedoor.
“MaridIlléa,”Ireplied.
“Iheardhestoppedby.Washejustbring-
inggiftsordidheneedsomething?”thegen-
eralasked,skepticismpaintinghistone.
“Oddlyenough,hewasmakingsureI
didn’tneedsomething.Heofferedtogiveme
ahelpinghandwiththepublic.Heknowsa
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lotmoreaboutpeoplelivingtheirlivesinthewakeofthecastesthanIdo.”
GeneralLegerjoinedmebesidethetable
andstaredattheextravagantarrangement.
“Idon’tknow.Thingsdidn’texactlyendwell
betweenyourfamilyandhis.”
“Iremember.Vividly.Butitmightbea
goodthingtolearnalittlenowforwhenmy
timecomes.”
Thegeneralsmiledatme,hisfacesoften-
ing.“It’salreadyhere,YourHighness.Be
carefulwhoyoutrust,okay?”
“Yes,sir.”
Neenawasstillactingswoony.“Someone
needstotellMarktostepup.Ijustgota
hugepromotion.Wherearemyflowers?”
“Maybehe’splanningtodeliverthemin
person.Muchmoreromantic,”Isaid.
“Pssh!Thewaythatboyworks?”shesaid
skeptically.“Ifeveryoneinthepalacedied
andIsomehowbecamequeen,heprobably
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stillcouldn’tgettimeoff.He’salwaysso
busy.”
Thoughshewastryingtojoke,Icould
sensehersadness.“Buthelovesit,right?”
“Oh,yes,helikeshisresearch.It’sjust
hardthathe’ssobusy,andthathe’sfar
away.”
Ididn’tknowwhatelsetosayonthesub-
ject,soIturnedtheconversationbacktomy
gift.“They’reabitmuch,though,don’tyou
think?”
“Ithinkthey’reperfect.”
Ishookmyhead.“Eitherway,these
shouldprobablybemovedsomewhereelse.”
“Don’tyouwanttolookatthem?”Neena
questionedevenasshewenttograbthevase.
“No.Ineedthedeskspace.”
Sheshruggedandcarefullyliftedthear-
rangementtotakeitintotheparlor.Isat
downatthedesk,tryingtoconcentrate.I
hadtofocusifIwasgoingtowinmypeople
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over.AndthatwaswhatIhadtodo—Ahren
hadsaidso.
“Wait!”MyvoicewasalittlelouderthanI
intended,andNeenastarted.“Putthemback
wheretheywere.”
Shemadeafaceatmebutbroughtthem
backallthesame.“Whatmadeyouchange
yourmind?”
Ilookedupatthebouquetandranmyfin-
gersacrossafewofthelow-hangingpetals.
“IjustrememberedIcouldleadandstilllikeflowers.”
BYTHETIMEDINNERROLLEDaround,Iwasvery
concernedthatImightfallasleeponmy
plate.Therewasachancenoonewould
mindifIskippedit.Mealshadgenerally
beenquietunlessIworkedtomakethem
otherwise.ButwhenIcamedownstairsand
sawGrandmaSingerflingingherbagata
butler,Iknewtonightwasgoingtobeany-
thingbutdull.
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“Don’tyoutellmeIcan’tcomeatsuchan
hour!”Sheshookherwrinkledfist,andIbit
mylipstoholdinthelaughter.
“Iwasn’t,ma’am,”theguardreplied,his
voiceanxious.“Ijustsaiditwasgettinglateintheday.”
“Thequeenwillwanttoseeme!”
GrandmaSingerwasafearsomecreature.
Ifweeverdidhaveawarundermyrule,my
planwastosendhertothefrontlines.She’dcomehomeholdingtheenemybyhisear
withinaweek.
Iwalkedintothefoyer.“Grandma.”
Sheinstantlyturnedfromtheguard,her
facemeltingintothesweetestexpression.
“Oh,there’smypreciousgirl.TheTVdoesn’t
doyoujustice—you’resolovely!”
Ibentsoshecouldkissmeonbothcheeks.
“Thanks…Ithink.”
“Whereisyourmother?I’vebeenwanting
tocomeover,butMayinsistedIstayoutof
theway.”
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“She’sdoingmuchbetternow.Icantake
youtoher,butwouldn’tyouliketoeatfirstandrecoverfromyourtrip?”I
gesturedtowardthedininghall.
GrandmahadlivedinthepalacewhenI
wasyounger,butafteryearsofMomtrying
totakecareofher,shefinallyupandleft.
Her“longjourney”wasreallyonlyanhour
acrosstown,butitmightaswellbefromthe
othersideofIlléaforhowshebehavedabout
it.
“Now,thatwouldbewonderful,”shesaid,
comingbesideme.“See,that’showyoutreat
yourelders.There’ssomerespect.”Hereyes
dartedbacktothepoorguard,whostood
therestupefied,withherbaginhishands.
“Thankyou,OfficerFarrow.Pleasetake
thattotheguestsuiteonthethirdfloorover-lookingthegardens.”
Hebowedandleftaswemadeourwayin-
totheroom.Afewoftheboyswerealready
waiting,andtheireyebrowsraisedatthe
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sightofthequeenmother.Foxstrodeupim-
mediatelytointroducehimself.
“Ms.Singer,suchapleasuretomeetyou,”
hesaid,extendinghishand.
“Now,he’sacuteone,Eady.Lookatthis
face.”Grandmagrabbedhischin,andhe
laughedthroughhergrip.
“Yes,Grandma,Iknow.Partofwhyhe’s
stillhere.”Imouthedanapology,butFox
shookhishead,positivelybeamingoverher
approval.
Gunner,Hale,andHenriallcameoverto
meether,andItookthechancetospeak
quietlytoErik.
“Areyoubusytomorrow?”
Hesquinted.“Idon’tthinkso.Why?”
“Justplanningalittlesomethingwith
Henri.”
“Oh,”hesaid,shakinghisheadasifthat
shouldhavebeenobvious.“No,we’llbothbe
free.”
“Okay.Don’ttell,”Iinsisted.
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“Ofcoursenot.”
“What?”Grandmashouted.“Saythat
again?”
Erikhoppedover,bowing.
“Sosorry,ma’am.SirHenriwasbornin
SwendwayandonlyspeaksFinnish.I’mhis
translator.Hesayshe’sverypleasedtomeet
you.”
“Oh,that’sright,that’sright.”Grandma
tookHenri’shand.“IT’SNICETOMEET
YOU,TOO!”
Imovedhertowardtheheadtable.“He’s
notdeaf,Grandma.”
“Well,”shesaid,asifthatwasenoughof
anexplanation.
“HaveyoutalkedtoUncleGerad?”
“Geradwantstobehere,buthe’sworking
onatime-sensitiveproject.YouknowInever
understandawordhesays.”Grandmawaved
herarmintheairasifshewasslappingawaytheelaboratewordsheused.“Iheardfrom
Kota,too.He’snotsureifheshouldstopby
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ornot.Yourmotherandhim,they’vetried
overtheyears,buttheyjustcan’tseemtobecivil.He’sgottenbetter,though.Ithinkit’sthatwifeofhis.”
Iusheredheraroundthetable,andshe
tookmyseat.Eventhoughitwasn’tperman-
ent,takingDad’semptyplacenexttoherfeltstrange.Somuchhadbeenentrustedtome,
yetIfeltlikeI’dstolensomethingofhis.
“AuntLeahdoessoundlikearathercalm-
ingperson,”Iagreed.“Iguessthosethings
matter,balancingeachotherout.”
Thebutlersrushedsomesoupinfrontof
Grandma,knowinghowshortherpatience
was.Ismiledasshedugin.
“Workedforyourgrandpaandme.Your
parents,too.”
Ignoringmyownbowl,Irestedmychinon
myhand.“WhatwasGrandpalike?”
“Good.Verygood.Healwayswantedtodo
whatwasright.Hewasslowertogetupset
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thanIwasanddidn’tletthingsgethim
down.Iwishyoucouldhaveknownhim.”
“Me,too.”
Ilethereatandfoundmyeyeswandering
aroundtheroom.Kilewasmyoppositein
thathewashumblewhereIwasproud.
Henriwasmyoppositeinthathesaw
everythingasajoywhereIfocusedonthe
challenge.Ean,Fox,Gunner…therewasan
elementineachofthemthatwouldfallon
theothersideofmyspectrum.
“IstheFrenchgirllikethatforAhren?”
Grandmaaskedwithnoattempttohideher
disdain.
Iconsideredthis.“No,actually.It’slike
they’retwohalvesofthesameheartindifferentbodies.”Myeyeswelled.Iwassotired,
andImissedhimsomuch.“Ican’tbeginto
tellyouhowmuchhelovesher.”
Shegrumbled.“Enoughtoleave.”
Iexhaledslowly.“Exactly,Grandma.It
hurthimsomuchtobeapartfromherthat
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hewouldendurethepainofleavinghisfam-
ily,hishome,andhiscountry,noteven
knowinghowthatwouldallbereceived,just
tobewithher.”
Sherecognizedthesadnessinmyvoice
andreachedoutherhandtomine.
“Youallright,honey?”
Ipulledmyselftogether.“Ofcourse.A
littletiredisall.Ishouldgorest.”JustthenKadenandOstencamerunningin,givingme
aperfectescape.“Theboyswilltakeyouto
Mom.”
Sheshriekedindelight.“Myboys!”
Ibackedawaywhileshewasdistracted,
walkingquietlydownthesideoftheroom
untilIgottoHenri.
Itappedhimonhisshoulder,andhe
lookedupfromhismeal,thatever-present
smileonhisface.“Hellotoday!”
Ichuckled.“Wouldyouliketojoinmefor
lunchtomorrow?”
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IwaitedforEriktojumpin,butHenri
heldupahand,concentrating.“Tomorrow,
lunch?”heasked.
“Yes.”
“Good,good!Yes!”
Ismiled.“Seeyouthen.”
Ilefttheroom,peekingbacktoseeHenri
clutchingErikbytheshoulder,elatedbythe
invitation.Heseemedsopleasedtohave
madeitthroughtheinteractionwithout
needingatranslation,too.Eriknoddedat
Henri,pleasedforhisfriend…butI’dseen
himsmilebrighterthanthatbefore.
Ilookedattheclock.Tenaftermidnight.IfIfellasleeprightnow,Icouldgetaboutfive
hoursofsleep.
Tenminuteslateritwasclearthatwasn’t
goingtohappen.Iusedtobesogoodat
shuttingoffmymindfortheday,butnowit
seemedlikeeverytaskIwashalfwaythrough
stayedwithmeuntilitwasdone,notcaring
ifIwaswellrestedenoughtotackleit.
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Islippedonmyrobe,combedmyfingers
throughmyhair,andsteppedbarefootinto
thehallway.PerhapsifIwenttotheofficeIcoulddosomeworkandappeasemybrain,
andthenIcouldgetbacktobed.ButifIwasgoingtodothat,Ineededcoffee.
Itwastoolateforanymaidstobeonduty,
soIheadedtothekitchen.Itseemeditwas
neveremptydownthere,andIwassure
someonewouldhelpme.Roundingtheland-
ingonthesecondfloor,Ileapedback,
startledbythefigurecomingrightatme.
“Oh!”
Erik
said,
suddenly
realizing
someonewasinhispath.
Ipulledmyrobealittletighter,thoughI
wasfullycovered,andsweptbackmyhair,
hopingtoseemlesssurprisedthanIhad
been.
Hebackedup,fidgetedwithhishandsa
second,andthenbowedabruptly.Itwas
sucharushed,sloppygesturethatIcouldn’t
helpbutlaugh.
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Hesmiledalittlehimself,shakinghishead
atthesillinessofthemoment.He,too,was
inhispajamas—striped-bluepantsanda
plaincottonshirt—andwanderingthepalace
inbarefeet.
“Whatintheworldareyoudoingupat
thishour?”Iasked.
“Henrihasbeenworkingespeciallyhard
onhisEnglishsinceyouannouncedtheEl-
ite.Andwithadatetomorrow,hewantedto
beextraprepared.Weonlyquitforthedaya
fewminutesago,andIwasheadingtothe
kitchenforsometeaandhoney.Honeyis
supposedtomakeyousleepwell.”Hesaidall
thisinalow,hurriedvoice,asifhewasworriedhemightboreme.
“Isit?Imighthavetotrythattomorrow.I
wasactuallyjustgoingtothekitchenfor
coffee.”
“YourHighness,Ifeelyou’reaverybright
woman,soitpainsmetotellyouthatcoffee
willnothelpyousleep.Notatall.”
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Igiggled.“No,Iknow.Iwasgoingtoget
someworkdone.Ihaven’tbeensleeping,so
IthoughtImightaswellbeuseful.”
“I’mprettysureyou’realwaysuseful.Even
whenyousleep.”
Iduckedmyhead,movingaroundthe
banister,andhefollowedmedownthesteps.
AllIcouldthinkofwashowdrabhehad
seemedthatfirstday,agrayed-outshadow
ofaperson.Iknewnowhisplainnesswashis
shield,hidinghowsmart,thoughtful,and
funnyhewas.ThoughIstilldidn’tunder-
standthechoice,Iknewtherewasmoreto
himthanheletmostpeoplesee.
“HowisHenridoing?WiththeEnglish
lessons?”
Heshruggedandtuckedhishandsbehind
hisback.“Good.Notgreat.WhatItoldyou
beforeisstillverytrue;itwouldbealong
timebeforeyoucouldcommunicateonyour
own.Buthecaressomuch,he’sbeentrying
harderthanever.”Henoddedtohimselfasif
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assessingtheirworkinhishead.“Forgive
me—Ishouldhaveasked.Howareyourpar-
ents?Iheardyourmotherisawakeand
recovering.”
“Sheis,thankyou.Shewassupposedto
movebacktoherroomtoday,buttherewas
somethingfunnyaboutheroxygenlevelsso
theykeptherinthehospitalwingonemore
nightforgoodmeasure.AndDadisstill
sleepinginacotbyherbed.”
Erikgrinned.“Itmakestheideaof‘insick-
nessandinhealth’muchmorerealtoseeit
playoutinfrontofyou.”
Inodded.“Honestly,sometimesit’sintim-
idatingtowatchthem.Findinganything
closetowhattheyhaveseemsimpossible.”
Hesmirked.“There’snowaytoknow
everythingaboutsomeoneelse’srelation-
ship,evenyourparents’.Sometimesespe-
ciallyyourparents’,”headded,asifhe’d
thoughtaboutthisbefore,perhapsabouthis
ownfamily.“Iguaranteeyou—he’sgivena
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terribleChristmaspresentatleastonceand
hasearnedhimselfadayofsilenceforit.”
“Highlyunlikely.”
Erikwasunfazed.“Youhavetoembrace
theideaofimperfection,eveninthething
thatismostperfectforyou.Yourbrother
whiskedawayagirlandgotmarriedina
whirlwindandcouldbediscoveringright
nowthatshesnoressoloudly,hecan’teven
sleep.”
Icoveredmymouth,butnotfastenough
tosmotherthelaughthatescaped.So-
methingabouttheimageofpoorAhrenwith
pillowsslammedoverhisearsreallygotme.
“It’sverypossible,”headded,looking
quitepleasedtohavemademesmile.
“You’veruinedmyimageofCamille!How
amIsupposedtokeepastraightfacethe
nexttimeIseeher?”
“Don’t,”hesaidsimply.“Justlaugh.Your
impressionofeveryoneisprobablywrongin
someway.”
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Shakingmyhead,Isighed.“I’msure
you’reright.WhichmakeseverythingIdo
thatmuchharder.”
“LiketheSelection?”
“Therearemomentswhenaroomfullof
politiciansseemseasiertomanagethansix
boys.ForeverythingI’velearnedsofar,theremustbeadozenthingsI’vemissed.”
“Relyingheavilyongutinstinctsthen?”
“Veryheavily.”
“Well,they’vebeenspot-onaboutHenri.
He’sasniceasheseems.Youmusthave
alreadyknownthat,though,tokeephimin
thefinalpool.”Inoticedsomethingoffabouthistoneashespoke,likethiswasadisappointingthingtoadmit.
Iclaspedmyhandstogether,onlyjust
thenrealizingthatwe’dmovedwellpastthe
kitchen.IsupposedIcouldalwaysgoback
forcoffeeifIstillwantedacup.
“Thiswholesituationhasbeenahardone
tonavigate.Iwasn’tsupposedtohavea
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Selection.Inthepast,princessesweremar-
riedoffforinternationalrelations,butmy
parentspromisedthey’dneverdothattome.
Sotofindmyselfwitharoomfulofboysand
beexpectedtochoosealifelongpartnerfrom
them…it’sscary.AllIhavetogoonarea
handfulofimpressions,andahopethatno
oneisdeceivingme.”
Iriskedaglanceathim,andhewasattent-
ive,hisexpressiondowncast.“Thatsounds
incrediblyfrightening,”hesaidslowly.“I’m
surprisedit’sworkedsowellinthepast.I
don’twanttosoundrude,butitdoesseema
bitunfair.”
Inodded.“That’sexactlywhatIsaidwhen
theideawaspresentedtome.Buttheyin-
sistedthatItry,so…”
“So…thiswasn’tyouridea?”
Ifroze.
“Didyouevenwantittohappen?”
There’sachillthatrunsdownyourback
whenyourealizeyou’vebeencaughtinalie.
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Anditwasscary,becausethishadalready
beenhintedatinthepapers,guessedatby
plentyofpeople.
“Erik,thisneedstostaybetweenus,”Isaid
quietly,thewordscomingoutmorelikeare-
questthanacommand.“Iadmit,inthebe-
ginning,Iwantednothingtodowiththe
Selection.Butnow…”
“Nowyou’reinlove?”heasked,histone
bothcuriousandmelancholy.
Ilaughedonce.“I’malotofthings.Infatu-
ated,frightened,desperate,hopeful.It’dbe
nicetoadd‘inlove’tothelist.”IthoughtofKileandourconversationinthegarden.
Lovewasstilltoobigawordforthat,andnoneofwhatI’dsaidtoKilefeltappropriatetosharewithErik.“SometimesIthinkI’m
close,butrightnow,theSelectionis
somethingIneedtofinish.Foralotofreas-
ons.Alotofpeople,too.”
“Icertainlyhopeyou’reoneofthem.”
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“Iam,”Ipromised.“Justmaybenotinthe
waypeoplewouldthink.”
Hedidn’tanswer.Hemerelywalkedalong,
takinginmywords.
“Youcan’trepeatanyofthat,nottoany-
OceanofPDF.comone.Ican’tbelieveIsaidthosethingstoyou.
IfthisSelectionseemslikeitwasajokeor
fakeinanyway—”
Heheldupahand.“Youdon’thaveto
worryaboutme.I’dneverbreakyourconfid-
ence.Iassumeit’snotaneasythingtoac-
quireinthefirstplace,andI’dhatetowasteit.”
Ismiled.“Well,youmorethanearnedit.
You’vekeptsecretsformealready,and
pulledmeoutofthemiddleofafight,and
broughtmeaflowerwhenyoudidn’thave
to.”
“Itwasonlyadandelion.”
“Perspective,”Iremindedhim,andhe
grinnedathiswordscomingbacktostare
himintheface.“AllI’msayingis,you’ve
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donealotformewithoutbeingunderany
obligationtodoso.You’veearnedmytrust.”
“Good,”hesaidplainly.“BecauseI’mhere
foryou,anythingyouneed,anytimeyou
needit.”
Thesincerityinhisvoicewassopainfully
clearthatIwasdrawntoastandstill.Erik’seyeswereclearandblue,astarkcontrastto
hisdarkhair.Maybethatwaswhytheystood
outsobrilliantlyinthemoment.
“Really?”Iasked,thoughIhadnoreason
todoubthiswords.
“Ofcourse,”hereplied.“You’regoingtobe
mysovereign.It’saprivilegetoserveyou.”
Iclearedmythroat.“Yes.Right.Thank
you.It’sacomfortknowingthereareatleastahandfulofpeopleIdon’thavetobreakmy
backtowinover.”
Hissmilewaskind,andIremindedmyself
thatthiswasavictory,tohavesomeonelike
himonmyside.
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“Ifyou’llexcuseme,”Isaid,stepping
away,“Ireallyoughttotrytosleep.”
Hebowed.“Ofcourse.IknowI’mmeant
tobeatHenri’sdisposal,butpleaseletme
knowifthere’sanythingelseIcandotohelpyou.”
Ismiled,notanswering,andstrodeback
tomyroom,mybackasstraightasanarrow.
“FORTHEREPORTTONIGHT,THEfocuswillbeonyou.”LadyBricewaspacinginfrontof
mydesk.Itwascomfortingtowatchherel-
egantstepsasshethoughteverything
through.Dadwaslikethatsometimes.He’d
makemewalkthegardenwithhimwhilehe
wastryingtounravelamess.
“IknowIdon’thavemuchexperiencedo-
ingthisalone,butGavrilwillbethereto
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help.AndIhaveanideahowtoaddressmy
progresswiththeSelection.”
“Good.It’sabouttimeyoubrought
somethingtothetable,”sheteased.“Speak-
ingoftheSelection,there’ssomethingelse.
I’mtryingtodecideifit’sworthaddressing.”
Isquinted.“What’sgoingon?”
“Well,”shestarted.“MaridIlléawason
anotherradioprogramyesterday.Wehavea
recordingifyou’dliketohearit,butbasic-
ally,it’sgottenoutthathe’svisitedthe
palaceandthathesentyouflowers.”
“So?”
“Sohewasaskedifthatmeantanything.”
Istaredather.“ButI’minthemiddleofa
Selection.How…?”
“Hesaidthesamething,butalsosaidhe
regrettedfallingoutoftouchwithyouand
howbeautifulandintelligentyougrewupto
be.”SheraisedaneyebrowasIfeltmyin-
sidesflutteralittle.
“Hesaidthat?”
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Shenodded.
“Whyarewebringingthisup?”Itriedto
evenmybreaths.
“Youneedtobeawarethatyoutwohave
beenlinkedinthepress.Anditcoulddoone
oftwothings:undermineyourSelectionto
thepointthatitseemsyoudon’tcareaboutitor—”
“Howcoulditundermineit?”
“Well,ifitseemslikeyou’reabandoning
yoursuitorsforhim…”
“Gotit.What’sthesecondthing?”
“Itcouldofferupanothersuitor,ifyou’re
notopposed.”
Ilaughed.“I’mconfidenttherulesofthe
Selectionareprettybinding.Idon’tthinkI
couldsimplyquititforsomeoneelse,could
I?”
Sheshrugged.“He’sprettypopular.”
“Areyouadvisingmetoconsiderhim?”
“No.I’madvisingyoutobeawarethatthis
hasbecomepublic,andyouneedtobe
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consciousofhowyouinteractwithhim.And
withtheElite.”
“Icandothat.EspeciallysinceI’vehardly
interactedwithhim.Idon’twanttodoany-
thingthatmightunderminethisprocess.I’ve
alreadyaccidentallydonethatsomany
times,andIwantthepeopletoknowthis
matterstome.I’vedonenothingtoencour-
ageMarid,andIdon’tthinkit’sworthad-
dressingontheReport.”
“Agreed.”
“Good.”Onlyformewouldagenerousact
ofkindnessbetwistedintosomething
scandalous.
“And,nowdon’ttakethisthewrongway,
butwhatareyouwearingtonight?”
Ilookeddownatmyself.“Ihavenoidea.
I’vehardlybeenabletodressmyself.”
Shestudiedmyclothes.“Thiswillseem
likeaninsult,buttrustmewhenIsaythat’snothowit’sintended.Ithinkyouneedto
stepitupalittle.Whiletheclothesyou’ve
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chosenordesignedinthepasthavebeen
beautiful,it’stimewemoveonfromplaying
withyourfashiontousingitasameansof
backingupyourwords.”
Itfeltlikeastabtothegut,thinkingofundoingthisimageI’dmadejustfor
meand
turningitintosomethingforotherpeople.“Igetthat.Whatareyouthinking?”
Shecrossedherarms,thinking.“Youcould
borrowoneofyourmother’sdresses?”
Ilookedattheclock.“IfIgonow,Ican
picksomething.ButNeena’stheonlyone
whocouldalteritquicklyenough,andshe
needstofinishmyschedulefornextweek.
AndIhavealunchdate.”
She
clasped
her
hands
together.
“Ohhhhh.”
“Seriously?Asifitwasn’tbadenoughto
havemygrandmothertellFoxhowcutehe
is.”
LadyBricewrappedherarmsaroundher-
selfandlaughed.“Didshereally?”
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“There’snostoppingthatwoman.”
“Itmustruninthefamily.Hurry.Gopick
adress.”
“Okay.SendforHale.I’msurehe’sjustas
skilledasNeena,andIguesswe’llfindout
howfastheis.Andmakeabulletpointlist
formefortonight.I’mterrifiedI’mgoingtoblank.”
“I’monit.”
Ihurriedintothehallway,hopingMom
hadn’tbeenreleasedfromthehospitalwing
yetbecauseIwasgoingtofeelwhollyawfulifIbotheredherbylookingforadressinher
room.Nomorethantwostepsoutthedoor,I
sawGunnerwaitingforme.Hepoppedoff
thebenchimmediatelyandbowed.
“Hi.Iseverythingallright?”Iasked,com-
ingover.
“Yeah,”hesaid.“Well,exceptthatI’m
probablyabouttodosomethingsoincredibly
stupidthatIcanfeelmyheartbeatbanging
inmyfeet.”
124/467
“Oh,pleasedon’t.I’vehadenoughstupid
tolastalifetime.”
Hechuckled.“No,it’snotlikethat.Ijust…
Iwantedtoaskyouforsomething.”
Iraisedmyeyebrows,proceedingwith
caution.“Allright.Youhavetwominutes.”
Hegulpedloudly.“Okay,wow.SoI’m
reallyflatteredthatyoukeptmeinthetop
six.ItmademefeellikeIdidsomething
right,thoughI’mstillcluelessastowhatthatwas.”
Ishrugged.“Yourpoemmademelaugh.
Laughterisimportant.”
Hesmiled.“Iagree,butitkindofproves
mypoint.”Hefidgetedwithhishands.“It’s
just,thisfarin,withyousobusyandwith
meneverhavinghadone-on-onetimewith
you,Iwaswonderinghowgoodmychances
are.”
“It’safairquestion.ButIcan’treallyan-
sweritrightnow.Ihavesomuchtofigure
out.”
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“Exactly,”herepliedenthusiastically.“SoI
amgoingtoaskforsomethingridiculous.
CouldIkissyou?”
Isteppedback.“Excuseme?”
“Wedon’thavetodothisifyoudon’twant
to.ButIthinkakisscansayalot.Ithinkonekisswouldbeenoughforyoutoknowifit’s
worthmepursingyouoryoupursuingme.”
Therewassomethingsweetabouthisre-
quest,likeeventhoughapictureofmekiss-
ingKilehadbeenplasteredacrossthecoun-
try,hestilldidn’tthinkitwasagiventhatI’djustgoandkissanyone.Andthathe’d
learnedenoughfromJack’sexpulsionto
movewithcare.Thatalonemademewantto
givehimwhathewasaskingfor.Buttodo
this,topotentiallyloseafinalsuitorwithouteventryingtoknowhimbetter?Itfelt
foolish.
“Youcouldbeaprince.Youcouldhave
moremoneythanyouknewwhattodowith,
besofamouspeoplewhodon’tevenhave
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televisionswouldknowyourface.Areyou
willingtobetallofthatononekiss?”
“I’mwillingtobetyourhappinessand
mineonit.”
Iinhaled,thinking.“Okay.”
“Yes?”
“Yes.”
Oncethesurpriseworeoff,Gunnerplaced
hishandonmywaist.Heloweredhisfaceto
mine,stoppingmomentarilytolaugh.
“Thisisabitsurreal.”
“I’mwaiting,sir.”
Hesmiledjustbeforeourlipstouched.
Therewereplentyofgoodthingsaboutthe
kiss.Hismouthwasn’trigid,andhedidn’t
trytostickhistonguedownmythroat.He
alsosmelledprettygood,thoughnotlikecin-
namonorflowersoranythingrecognizable.
Overall,Iwouldsaynotbad.
Butthen,thefactthatIcouldmakethat
assessmentasitwasgoingon…
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Gunnerpulledaway,pressedhislipsto-
gether,andconsidered.
“No,right?”
Heshookhishead.“Idon’tthinkso.Not
thatitwasbad!”
“Itjustwasn’tthatgood.”
“Exactly.”Hisstanceshiftedinrelief.
“Thankyousomuchforthisexperience,but
Ithinkit’stimeformetoheadhome.”
Ismiled.“Yousure?You’rewelcometo
stayfortheReport,gohomeinthe
morning.”
“Nah.”Hesmiledbashfully.“IthinkifI
stayed,I’dtrytotalkmyselfbackintoit.YoumightbethemostbeautifulgirlI’llever
meet,but…Idon’tthinkyou’rethegirlfor
me.I’dhatetofindareasonwhyyoucould
bewhenI’vebeentryingtotellmyselffora
whilethatitwasunlikely.”
Iheldoutmyhand.“Irespectthat.Bestof
lucktoyou,sir.”
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Gunnershookmyhand.“Andtoyou,Your
Highness.”
AsGunnermadehiswaytothestairwell,I
sawabutlerescortingHaletowardMom’s
room.Iwavedhimover,thoughhiseyes
wereonmydismissedsuitorastheypassed.
“WhatwasGunnerdoinguphere?”he
asked.
“Makingachoice.Comewithme.Ineed
yourhands.”
ICAMEOUTOFMOM’Sclosetwearingourtop
pick,pressingittomychesttosavemymod-
esty.“Thankyoufordoingthis,”Isaidas
Halewenttowork,pullingatseamsandpin-
ningtheminplace.
“Areyoukidding?I’mhelpingdressmyfu-
turequeenrightnow.I’moverthemoon.”
Hepulledsomemore,watchingthewaythe
fabricreactedinthemirror.“Ofcourse,it’snotthesameasbuildingyouagownfrom
130/467
scratch,butthiswillbeanimpressiveaddi-
tiontomyresume.”
Ichuckled.“Ijustfeelbadyouhavetogive
upyourafternoonforthis.”
“Well,itgetskindofboringintheMen’s
Parlor.I’msureifIaskKile,he’llcomeandsitwithmewhileIwork.OrEan,maybe.”
“Ean,”Isaid,shocked.“It’shardtoima-
ginehimwillinglyjoininganyoneanywhere.”
Halesmiled.“Yeah.Ithinkhe’sfinallyget-
tingusedtous.Hetalkstomesometimes,
andtoErik.Probablybecausehe’snot
competition.”
“Thatmakessense.Eanseemslikethe‘not
heretomakefriends’type,butIdon’tthink
anyonecouldgothroughthiswithoutgetting
closetosomeone.It’stoohard.Asdifficultasitisforme,Iknowit’sjustasbadforyou
all.”
“Wedefinitelygetthebetterendofthe
dealthough,”hesaid,winkingatmy
reflection.
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Itiltedmyhead.“Idon’tknowaboutthat.
ThemoreIthinkaboutit,thesadderIget
abouthavingtosendallbutoneofyouaway.
I’llmisshavingyouhere.”
“Haveyouconsideredaharem?”hesaid,
deadpan.
Ibentoverinlaughterandwasrewarded
withapinstabbingmywaist.“Ow!”
“Sorry!Ishouldn’tjokewhenthereare
needlesaround.”Hewalkedinfrontofme,
andIheldstill,watchinghiseyes,recogniz-
ingtheanalyticalgaze,knowingIdidthe
samethingmyselftodesignsandproposals
andsometimeseventopeople.“Ithinkwe
needtostreamlinethisalittle.Areyousurethisisabsolutelyokaywiththequeen?BecausesomeofthesecutsIcan’tundo.”
“Don’tworry.Youhavefullpermissionto
tweakinanywayyoudeemnecessary.”
“Thatmakesmefeelsoimportant.”
“Well,youare.You’rehelpingmelooklike
aleadertonight.Ittakesathousandlittle
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thingstomakethisrolework,soIoweyou
one.Ortwo.Atleasttwo.”
“Youallright?”
Ilookedup,notrealizinghowsomberI’d
gotten.“Yes.It’sjustalottodealwithsometimes.I’mtryingtoholdittogether,that’s
all.”
Halepulledapinfromthepilethemaid
hadleftusandhelditupforme.“Usethis
nexttimeyoufeellikethingsarefalling
apart.It’llhelp,Ipromise.”
SlowlyItookit,spinningitbetweenmy
fingerandthumb,and,atleastforamo-
ment,Ibelieveditwastrue.
Henriwasrightontime,rushingintothe
parlorasifhe’dbeendyingtorundownfor
thelastfifteenminutes.Hebypassedcere-
monyasheheldmyhandsandkissedmy
cheek,makingmelaugh.
“Hellotoday!”
Ismiled.“Hello,Henri.”
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OverHenri’sshoulder,Erikbowed,andI
gavehimanod.
ItookHenri’sarmandledhimtothe
table,laidwithtwosettingsfairlycloseto-
getherandathirdslightlydistanced.
“Here,”Henrisaid,pullingoutmychair.
OnceIwasseated,heeagerlyranaround
thetabletositacrossfromme…andthe
conversationdrewtoanabrupthalt.Ipulled
thecoveroffmyplatesotheywouldknow
theycoulddothesame,andafterafewsilentbites,Iworkedtobridgethegap.
“How’syourfamily?”Iasked.“Andyour
sister?”
“MitenonAnnika?”hesaid,turningtoErikforconfirmation.Henodded,andHenri
returnedtome,delighted.“Good.Shevery
good.Wemiss.”
Igavehimasadlookandnodded.“Iun-
derstandcompletely.Youhavenoideahow
muchIwishAhrenwashere.”
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Hekepthisexpressioncalmbutleaned
overtoErik,whomutteredatranslationof
myanswerasquicklyashecould.
“Yourmom?Isgood?”Henrisaid,trying
sohard.
“Yes,thankgoodness.Headingbacktoher
roomrightnowandrecoveringnicely.”
OnceagainErikcametoourrescue.We
wentbackandforthinthesamewayfora
fewmoreminutes,andevenwithalltheef-
forthe’dbeenputtingintolearningEnglish,
HenriwasaslostasIwas.Ihatedthis.Itwastooimpersonal.Itwasonethingtoneeda
translatorforavisitingdignitary,butfor
someonewhowasinmyhomedaily,itfelt
liketoomuch.EvenifHenri’stimeinthe
palacewasshort-lived,Ireallywantedtobe
abletospeakwithhim,justhim,atleast
fromtimetotime.
“Erik,howdoesHenridowiththeother
Elite?Dotheyallspeakthroughyou?”
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Hesattaller,takingthisin.“Mostly.Hale
andKilehavepickedupafewwords.”
“Andtheothers?”
Hepursedhislips,lookingguilty,asifhe
wasworriedhe’dsullythereputationofthe
others.“Gunnerhasbeenmarginallyinter-
ested,asisFox,buttheydon’tappearto
wanttotakeonthechallenge.It’salotof
work.AndEanwillspeakwithmebut
doesn’treallytrytospeakwithHenri.”
Iletoutalongsigh,severalthoughtsflit-
tingthroughmyhead.“Wouldyoubeupto
givingusallalittleFinnishlessontomorrowmorning?”
Erikraisedhiseyebrows.“Really?”
“Absolutely.ItseemsunfairthatHenrihas
todoallthework.”AsIsaidhisname,
Henri’seyesdartedovertome.Hewascer-
tainlyfollowingourconversationinhisown
way,butIwasexcitedforhimtodiscoverex-
actlywherethiswasgoing.
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ErikspokeswiftlyinFinnish,andHenri’s
eyeslitup.
“Ispeak,too?Ispeaking?”heaskedasif
thiswasgoingtobeapartyinsteadofa
lesson.
“Ofcourse,”Isaid,andHenrisatthere,
completelybesidehimself,thegearsalready
turninginhishead.
“Ithinkyoujustmadehisday,”Erik
commented.
“I’mupsetIdidn’tthinkofitsooner.Itwillmakethingseasieroneveryone.”
“Ihopeso.ButI’mstillgoingtofocuson
theEnglishlessons.I’mhopingtoavoidany
moreappearancesontheReport.”
Imadeaface.“Itwasn’tthatbad.”
“Itwasawful!”Aftershakinghishead,he
pointedhisforkatme.“Mymomwillnot
stoptalkingaboutit.‘Youlooksogood!Why
didn’tyousmilemore?’Iswear,it’s
maddening.”
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“You’reblamingme?”Iasked,feigning
indignation.
“Forever.ForeverIamblamingyou!I
don’tlikebeingoncamera.”Heshuddered.I
wasgladhedidn’tactuallyseemangry,
thoughIcouldsensehowserioushewas
aboutit.
Ilaughed,andhelookeddownbashfullyat
hisplateashesmiled.ItwasthenIrealizedHenriwasstuckwatchingmechatwithhis
translatorwhileIwassupposedtobeona
datewithhim.
“Youknow,Henri,maybewecoulddoa
fullSwendishimmersionexperience,and
youcouldteacheveryonetomakethatsoup
youweretalkingabout.”
Eriktranslated,andonceagainHenriwas
jubilant.“Kala-keitto!”heexclaimed.
TherewerethingsIwascuriousaboutwith
Henri.Iwantedtoknowmoreabouthisfam-
ily,particularlyhissister.AndIwantedto
knowifhewasatpeacewiththeideaof
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livinghereandworkingbesideme,orifit
worriedhimthatwecouldhavemoments
liketheparadealloveragainandhe’dbe
stucktryingtoprotectmefromangrymasses
fortherestofhislife.Iwantedtoaskhim
aboutthatkissinthekitchen,ifhe’dthoughtaboutitmuchordismisseditasalapseof
judgmentononeorbothourparts.
ButuntilIcouldaskhimthosethings
withouthavingtoaskErik,too,therewasno
wayI’dbeableto.
THEDRESSWASRED.MOMhadn’twornitin
years,whichwasoneofthereasonsIchose
it.Haletrimmedthelonglacesleevesupto
myelbowsandpulledafewofthelayers
frombeneaththegownsoitwasn’tquiteas
full.Hewasrightaboutsomeofthisbeingir-reversible,buthe’dhandleditallsotaste-
fullythatevenifMomeventuallywantedit
back,she’dprobablybethrilledwiththe
alterations.
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Eloisehelpedmedomyhair,anditlooked
sosmart,withbraidsleadingbacktoamod-
estbun.Ichoseatiarawithrubiesinit,andIlookedlikeIwasonfire.
Itwasbeautiful,really.Iknewthat,andI
wasthankfulforallthehandsthathadgone
intomakingmelooklikesomeonewhocould
betrustedwiththedecisionsthathadtobe
madeonbehalfofthecountry.Itjustfeltold,olderthanItrulywas,thoughmaybecloser
totheageIshouldbehave.Sighing,Icametotermswiththedress.ThiswaswhoIhadto
befornow.
Iwastuggingatmyseamsinthestudio
whenJosiecameuptotalktome.“That
dressisamazing,”shepraised,unableto
keepherfingersoffthelayersofsatin.
Ikeptstraightening.“It’smymother’s.”
“I’msorryaboutallthat,bytheway,”she
saidquietly.“Don’tthinkI’vetoldyouyet.”
Iswallowed.“Thankyou,Josie.That
meansalot.”
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“Youknow,sinceeverything’sbeensoseri-
ous,itmightbeagoodideatohaveaparty.”
Ihuffedoutanalmostlaugh.“I’malittle
busyforthat.Maybeoncethingssettle
down.”
“Icouldplanit!Justletmetalktoafew
maids,andwecouldpullsomethingtogether
inaweek.”
Iturnedfromthemirror.“LikeIsaid,
maybeoneday,butnotnow.”Imovedaway,
tryingtofocus.
Shetrailedmeacrosstheroom,insistent.
“Butwhy?Shouldn’tyoubecelebrating?I
mean,you’repracticallythequeen,so—”
Ispunonher,enraged.“ButIamnotthequeen.Thattitlebelongstomymother,who
nearlydied.Thatyousocasuallybrushoverthatfactmakesthecondolencesyoujust
gavememeaningless.Whatdon’tyouget,
Josie?Doyouthinkthisjobisnothingbut
dressesandgalas?”
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Shestoodthere,stunned.Iwatchedher
eyesdartaroundtheroom,checkingtoseeif
anyonewaswatchingourinteraction.I
didn’twanttohumiliateher.Inaway,Iun-
derstoodher.Theremighthavebeenatime
whennothingbroughtmemorejoythana
reasontostartaguestlist,atimewhenI
thoughtthisrolewasnothingmorethan
dressesandgalasmyself…
Isighed.“I’mnottryingtoinsultyou.But
itwouldbeinappropriatetothrowaparty
whenmymotherisstillrecuperating.Please,
whatIneedfromyoutonightissomelevelof
understanding,whichIrealizemaybetoo
much,consideringourhistory.Still,formy
sanity,Ibegyou,justtrytoconsiderwhatit’sliketobeinmyshoes.”
Shesulked.“That’sallI’veeverwanted.Of
coursethatonlymatterstoyouwhenit’s
convenient.”
Iwantedtoripherheadoff.Whatpart
aboutmyliferightnowdidshethinkwas
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convenient?ButIhadabroadcasttothink
about.
“Excuseme?”Icalledtoapassingmaid.
“PleaseescortMissJosietoherroom.Her
attitudetonightisunsettling,andIneedto
concentrate.”
“Yes,YourHighness.”Themaidturned
cheerfullytoJosie,notworriedaboutour
personalissuesandreadytodoherjob.
Josiehuffed.“Ihateyou.”
Ipointedtothedoor.“Yes,andyoucando
thatfromyourroomjustaswellasfrom
here.”
Withoutwaitingtoseeifsheobeyed,I
mademywaytomyseat.I’dneverseenitset
upthisway:theEliteononesideanda
singlechairontheother.
AsIwasstaringatthesad,lonelyseat,Kilesidleduptome.
“WhatwasthatwithJosie?”
144/467
Ismiledandbattedmyeyes.“Nothing,
sweetheart.Justmakingmeseriouslydoubt
howmuchIwantherasanin-law.”
“Stilltoosoon.”
Ilaughed.“No,wehada…disagreement.
AndIfeelkindofbad,becauseIunderstand
her.Ijustwishshecouldunderstandme.”
“ThatmightbehardforJosie.She’sonly
awareofherself.Also,haveyouseen
Gunner?”
Isquinted.“Heleftthisafternoon.Didn’t
hesaygood-bye?”
Kileshookhishead.
Iwalkedovertotheotherboys,whoallsat
upstraighterasIapproached.“DidGunner
saygood-byetoanyofyou?”
Theothersshooktheirheadsinconfusion
asFoxclearedhisthroat.“Hestoppedbyto
seeme.Gunner’sabitsentimental,andhe
didn’thaveitinhimtogothroughalong
farewell.Hejustsaidthiswasn’trightfor
himandthathehadyourapprovaltogo.”
145/467
“Hedid.Wepartedonverygoodterms.”
Foxnodded.“Ithinkhethoughthe’dlose
hisresolveifhestuckaround.Heaskedme
topassontoeveryonehowmuchhewould
missyou.”Hesmiled.“Reallyniceguy.”
“Hewas.Buttakehiswordstoheart,”I
pleaded,lookingateachoftheirfaces.“Thisisaboutyourfuturesaswell.Don’tstayfor
somethingthatyoumightnotbeableto
handle.”
Kilenodded,lookingsuddenlypensive.
Halegavemeabrightsmile.Eanwasim-
passiveasever,andHenriwastakingin
Erik’stranslation,lookingconfused.
CertainlyI’dspendtherestofmyevening
overanalyzingtheirexpressions,butfornow,
wehadashowtoputon.
“Hale,”Iwhispered,pointingtothegown.
“Thankyou.”
“Beautiful,”hemouthed.Iknewhemeant
it,andItriedtoholdmyselftaller.Iwantedtodothisdressjusticetonight.
146/467
Thecameraswenton,andIgreetedthe
countryashonestlyasIcould.
“Letmebeginwiththenewsyou’remost
eagertohear.Mymotherisdoingwell.AsI
speak,sheishealinginherroom,withmy
fatherbyherside.”ItriedtostopfocusingonhowIwasstandingorwhatIshoulddowith
myhands.InsteadIthoughtofmyparents,
nodoubtwatchingthisinpajamaswith
doctor-approvedsnacksbytheirsides.And
whenIpicturedthat,Ismiled.“Weallknow
thattheirlovestorymaybethetruestone
evertold.Thoughithasbeennosmalltask
tostepintomyfather’srole.
“Mybrother,Ahren,nowtheprincecon-
sortofFrance,isalsoatestamenttothe
powerofthedeepestlove.FromwhatIun-
derstand,heissettlingintohisnewpositionverywellandisalreadyveryhappytobea
husband.”Mysmilecreptthroughagain.
“Noneofthissurprisesme.Hisdevotionto
PrincessCamilleoverbothtimeanddistance
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hasbeenconstantandstrong,andIcanonly
imaginehishappinessatgettingtobebeside
hereverymoment.
“Asforthecountryatlarge”—Iglancedat
mynotes,thoughIhatedtodoit—“someof
thedisquietwe’vebeenexperiencinghasdi-
minishedoverthelastfewweeks.”Inone
waythatwasabsolutelytrue,butasfaras
disquietrelatedtome,mynoseoughttobe
growingasIspoke.“Takingintoaccount
howmuchworkmyfatherhasputintothe
causeofpeaceabroad,thethoughtthatwe
couldfinallybeachievingagreaterpeaceat
homebringsmeextraordinaryjoy.”
IhitoneverythingIwassupposedto—the
budgetproposal,theupcomingstarttothe
drillingproject,andthechangeintheadvis-
oryboard,whichmadeafewpeopleinthe
roomsquirm—andwhenitwasalldone,I
searchedthecrowdforafewimportant
faces.LadyBricegavemeabignod,asdid
GeneralLeger.IsawGrandmafidgeting,
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impatientwiththelengthyannouncements,
andlikelyonlyholdingonsoshecouldhear
theboysspeak.And,justoffthestage,Erik
smiledatme,pleased.
“YourHighness.”Gavrilbowedashe
spoke.“MayIsay,consideringthecircum-
stancesunderwhichyou’vebeenthrustinto
thisrole,youaredoingafantasticjob.”
“Thankyou,sir.”Ididn’tknowhowgenu-
inethatstatementwas,butmaybehimsay-
ingitwouldmakeotherpeoplethinkit.
“Onehastowonder,ifyou’vebeenwork-
ingatsuchapace,haveyoumadeanytime
forthislotoverhere?”heasked,noddinghisheadtowardtheElite.
“Alittle.”
“Really?Anythingyoucansharewithus?”
Hewiggledhiseyebrows,andIwasre-
mindedagainofthewaysinwhichhison-
camerapersonalitydifferedfromhisoff-
cameraone.Entertainmentwashisjob,and
hewasgreatatit.
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“Yes,butforfun—Iwon’tbeusingnames.”
“Notusingnames?”
“Forinstance,onememberoftheElitehas
leftustoday,”Isaid,thoughIknewthiswasathrowawaythat’dbeunraveledinseconds.
“Iwouldliketosayofourdepartedsuitor
thatheleftingoodspiritsandasafriend.”
“Ah,Isee,”Gavrilsaid.“Ilikethis!Giveussomemore.”
“Well,todayoneofmysuitorsgavemea
giftmadefromaverypreciousmetal.”
“Oh,my!”Gavrilsurveyedmyhands,look-
ing,aseveryonewould,forrings.
Iheldthemupfortheworldtosee.“No,
notgold.Itwassteel.Hegavemeasewing
pin.ButIpromise,itwasveryspecial.”
Chucklesarosefromouraudienceand
fromtheElite,andIhopedthatthiswasas
charmingoncameraasitwasinmyhead.
“Pleasetellmeyouhaveatleastone
more,”Gavrilpleaded.
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“Onemore,”Iallowed.“Earlierthisweek,
oneoftheElitetoldmehedefinitelywasn’t
inlovewithme,andItoldhimIfeltthe
sameway.”
Gavrilwaswide-eyed.“Isthisthesame
youngmanwhohappenedtoleaveus?”
“No.Andthat’sthecrazypart.We’renotin
loveandyetwehavenodesiretobesepar-
ated,sothereyougo.”Igaveaplayfulshrug,andsmiledasIlistenedtothesighsand
laughteraroundtheroom.
“WhileI’msureafairshareofourcountry
willbeuplatetonighttryingtoguesswho
you’retalkingabout,itwouldbenicetohavesomethingabitmoresolid.”
“Youmighthavetotalktotheboysabout
that.”
“ThenIthinkweshalldojustthat.MayI
goandquizthesehandsomeyoungmen?”
“Byallmeans,”Irepliedwithasmile,
happytobackoutofthespotlightforone
beautifulmoment.
151/467
“Allright,let’sstartdownhere.SirFox,
howareyou?”
“Verygood,sir.Thankyou.”Hesatupa
littlestraighterandsmiledbrightly.
“Thepeopleunderstandthattheprincess
hasbeenunderalotofstressandherdays
arepackedfull,sotheone-on-onetimehas
beenlimited,”Gavrilsaidgraciously.
“Yeah,itwasimpressivetoseehowhard
shewasworkingbefore,soseeinghertake
onevenmoretheselastfewdays…it’s
inspiring.”
Itippedmyhead,feelingalittlewarmin-
side.Inspiring?Thatwassuchakind
thought.
Gavrilnoddedinagreement.“Considering
allthat,couldyoutellussomethingfrom
yourtimewiththeprincessthathasstood
outagainstalltherest?”
Instantly,asmilecametoFox’sface.“I
supposethemostsignificantmomentofour
relationshipwouldbeafterthefight,when
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Burkewenthome.Shecameandspoketome
andwassohonestaboutwhatshehopedfor.
Shelistenedtome,too.Ithinkthat’sasideofherthatfewpeoplehavetheprivilegeof
seeing.It’snotasifshecangodoor-to-doorgivingeveryoneanhourofhertime…but
whenshe’swithyou,she’sallthere.She’s
reallyhearingyou.”
IrememberedthatnightwithFoxwarmly,
butIdidn’trealizehowmuchithadmeantto
him.He’dtreasuredthatmoment.
Kileraisedhishand.“I’dhavetoagree
withthat.EveryoneknowsthatEad—uh,the
princessandIreallyonlybeganourfriend-
shiprecently.Andinthattime,I’vefeltalotofmyworriesandaspirationshavebeen
heard.”
“Likewhat?”Gavrilprodded.
Heshrugged.“Imean,it’snothingexcit-
ing,butIdohaveapassionforarchitecture,andtheprincessactuallysatdownand
lookedatmysketches.”Heraisedafingeras
153/467
ifhesuddenlyrememberedsomething.
“Granted,we’dhadsomewine,andI’msure
shewasverybored,butstill.”
Everyonechuckled,andIsmiledatKile.
Hemadebeingoncameralooksoeasy,al-
wayscomingupwithwonderfulthingsto
say.ItmademefeelsurerI’dmadetheright
calltellinghimhowIfelt.
Carryingthemomentum,Gavrilbypassed
HenriandheadedstraighttoEan.Ihated
thatHenriwasbeingexcluded,butitlooked
likeGavrilhadaplan.
“SirEan,youaremaybethequietestoneof
thebunch.Doyouhaveanythingtoadd?”
Hisexpressionwasascoolasever.“Iama
manoffewwords,”heagreed,“butIwillsay
thattheprincessisincrediblythoughtful.
Thoughthereareonlyfiveofusleft,noneoftheeliminationsweremadeflippantly.Just
bygettingtoknowtheseothergentlemen,I
canseetheefforttheprincesshasputinto
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makingthebestpossiblechoiceforherself
andforherpeople.
“Whatthecamerascouldn’tcapturewas
themoodintheMen’sParlorwhenshehad
tomakehermostrecentelimination.There
wasn’tadropofanimosityintheair.She’s
beensogenerouswithusthatitwasim-
possibletobeupset.Alltheothersuitorsleftsatisfied.”
Gavrilnodded.“Sohowdoyouthinkyour
chancesare?You’vemadeittothetopfive!”
Ean,asalways,wasnothingbutsmooth.“I
amatHerHighness’sdisposal.Sheisthe
bestwomananyofuscouldpossiblyattain,
andassuchhasincrediblestandards.It’snotaboutmyassessmentofmyodds,it’sabout
herpreference.Forthatwewillallwaitand
see.”
I’dneverheardEanspeaksomuchat
once,butIfoundmyselffeelinginstantlyin-
debtedtohim.Thoughwehadanunder-
standinginourrelationship,anditwas
155/467
admittedlyunromantic,hestillsawsomuch
goodinme.That,orhewasanincredible
actor.
“Veryinteresting.Whataboutyou,Sir
Hale?AsIrecall,youhadthefirstdatewiththeprincess.Howareyoufeelingright
now?”
“Ifeellucky,”hesaidwarmly.“I’vegrown
upseeingherinparades,andwatchingher
ontelevision,andseeingherfacein
magazines.”Hepointedacrosstheroomat
me.“She’ssoprettyit’sintimidating,andshehasthislooklikemaybeshecouldburnyou
withhereyesifshefeltlikeit.”
Partofthatstung,buttherewas
somethingsoterriblyhonestaboutitthatI
couldn’tnotsmile.
“ButIgottohavedinnerwithheronce
andmadeherlaughsohardshespither
drinkout.”
“Hale!”
156/467
Heshrugged.“Someonewouldfindout
someday.Youmightaswellshare!”
Icoveredmyfacewithmyhands,wonder-
ingwhatMomandDadwouldthinkofall
this.
“Mypointis,everythingwe’vesaidabout
heristrue.She’stough,she’saleader,and,yes,Ithinkifshewantedtoshootfirefrom
hereyes,shecoulddoit.”Theroom
chuckled.“Butshe’salsoagreatlistener,andisinvested,andknowshowtolaugh.Like,
reallylaugh.I’mnotsureeveryonewillgettoseethat,soIfeelluckythatIdid.”
Theentiresegmentwassuchaglorious
tributetomyfinerqualitiesthatIalmost
wonderediftheboyshadbeencoached.And
iftheyhad,thenIowedsomethinghugeto
whoeverthoughtofit.
Asthecameraswentdown,Iwalkedover
toGavril.“Thankyou.Youwereoutstanding
tonight.”
157/467
“Ihavealwaysbeenonyourside,andIal-
wayswillbe.”Hewinkedatmeandwenton
hisway.
Iwatchedastheaudiencefilteredout,and
Istoodthereamomentfeelingproud.I’d
gottenthroughit,almostentirelyonmy
own.TheElitewerefantastic,kinderthanI
couldhaveguessedorhoped.MomandDad
weregoingtobesopleased.
“Welldone.”Kilewrappedanarmaround
me.“YourfirstsoloReportisinthebooks!”
“Iseriouslythoughttonightmightbeadis-
aster,butlook!”Isaid,leapingawayand
holdingoutmyarms.“I’mstillinonepiece.”
Halecameoverandchuckled.“Didyou
thinkpeoplewouldstreaminthroughthe
doorsandtearyoutobits?”
“Youneverknow!”
Foxlaughed,andEanstoodback,still
smiling.Iwassograteful.IfI’dknownhow
toarticulateit,I’dhaveunabashedlygushed
abouthowgreatthey’dbeentonight.
158/467
“Dinner?”Foxasked,andtheboysall
nodded.
IheardHenrisayingonewordoverand
overagainexcitedly,whichIassumedmeant
hewasthrilledtobegettingfood.Weall
formedalittlegroupandwalkedtothedin-
inghalltogether.
IFELTSOCONTENTASwewalkedupthestairs
anddownthehallways,asenseoffamiliarity
andpeacesurroundingmethatIsuspected
hadalottodowithmefeelingsocomfort-
ablewithmycompany.
Itlastedrightupuntilthemomentwe
walkedthroughthedining-halldoors.
MomandDadwerestillupstairs,and
Grandmahadretreatedtoherroom.Osten
wasn’tfeelingwellthisevening,soKaden
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waskeepinghimcompany,andmytwinwas
stillanoceanawayfrommeandthensome.
OnelookattheemptyheadtableandI
wantedtogoandhideawaymyself.
“YourHighness?”Erikasked,andIturned
tofindmyselfinchesawayfromhiscon-
cernedeyes.Therewassomethingcalming
aboutthem,adetailIrememberedfrom
afterthefightinthekitchen.I’dlookedintothemthenandfeltlikeIhadseenright
throughtohissoul.Evennow,withsomany
peoplearound,justseeinghiscrystal-clear
blueeyessearchminesweptawaymysad-
ness.“Areyouallright?”hesaid,andIcouldtellfromhistonethathe’dalreadyaskedme
onceandI’dmissedit.
“Yes.Couldyoupleasegograbthose
chairsandputthemontheothersideofthe
headtable?You,too,Ean?”Theywalkedoff
tofollowmyrequest.“Hale,Fox?Canyou
gettheplacesettings?”
161/467
Imoved,too,pickingupsilverwareand
glasses,andmakingmywaytothehead
table.Beforeanyoneelsecouldchoosea
place,ItookDad’schairformyself.Kilewasononeside,andHalewasontheother.Fox,
Henri,Erik,andEansatacrossfromus,and
suddenlythatlong,imposingtablefeltlike
anintimatedinnerparty.Justmeandmy
boys.
Thebutlerswerealittledisorganizedas
theyserved,unpreparedfortheimpromptu
rearrangementbutmakingittoeveryonein
goodtime.And,takingacuefromourdate,
Henriduginfirstandtheothersfollowed.
“So,Ihopeyou’reallreadyfortomorrow,”
Iannounced.“ErikandHenriaregivingus
Finnishlessonsinthemorning.”
“Really?”
Kile
asked
excitedly.
Erik
blushedalittleandnodded.
“What’sinthelessonplans?”Foxasked.
Erikraisedhiseyestotheceilingasifhe
wasstilldeciding.“HenriandIweretalking,
162/467
andIthinkwe’llbypasstheusualfirst-day
things,likethealphabet.Whatwouldbe
mosthelpfulinthissituationisbasicconversationalskills.Sotellingtimeandotherre-
questswillbeatthetopoftheagenda.”
“Neat!”Halecommented.“I’vebeenwant-
ingtolearnmore.Greatidea,Erik.”
Heshookhishead.“Itwasourfuture
queen’sidea.Thecreditbelongstoher.”
“Hey,”Kilesaid,gettingmyattention.
“Canwealsotakeamomenttotalkabout
howgreatyouwereontheReportagain?Iknowyou’vedoneannouncementsandstuff,
butmanagingawholeshowonyourownis
nosmallfeat.”
“Also,”Foxadded,“howawesomeisthe
seatingarrangementtonight?Forallbutone
ofus,thisistheonlytimewe’lleversitattheheadtableinthepalace.Unforgettable.”
“Agreed,”Eanadded.
AndwhileHenrididn’taddmuchtothe
conversation,Icouldtellhewaspleased,too.
163/467
But,ofcourse,itwouldhavebeenmoresur-
prisingtoseehimupset.AsErikcaughthim
upontheconversation,heraisedhisglass.
“ForEadlyn,”hesaid.
Theothersputtheirdrinksintheairand
chorusedhistoast.Ifoundmyselfblinking
backhappytearsandunabletosayaword.
Noteventhankyou,thoughIcouldtellfromthelooksintheireyesthatitwasalready
understood.
Therewereplentyofgoodthingsforthe
countrytofocuson,butwithamasselimina-
tionearlierintheweekandGunnerleaving
beforetheReport,itlookedlikeIwaspushingpeopleawayagain.Atleastthat’swhat
thepaperssaid.Itwasasiftheydidn’thearasinglethingEanhadsaidabouthowI’d
toiledoverthatdecision.Anentirelive
broadcastwasbroughttorubblebyahand-
fulofheadlines.
Surprisingly,beneaththosestorieswas
Marid’shandsomefacesplashedacrossthe
164/467
papersnexttomine,withcommentaryon
howhe’dmissedoutnowthatI’dbegunmy
Selectionprocess.
“Givemethose,”Neenainsisted,balling
upthepapersandsmooshingthemintothe
trashcan.“Itseemsthey’rereportinglittle
newsandplentyofgossipthesedays.”
“Undoubtedly,”LadyBriceagreed.“Focus
lessonwhatpeoplesayandmoreonwhat
youcanaccomplish.”
Inoddedmyhead,knowingshewasright.
ShetoldmethingsIfeltsuremyfather
wouldifhewasintheroom,andthoughit
wasn’talwayseasy,Ifeltcompelledtolisten.
“I’mjustnotsureIcanfocusonwhatI’m
capableofaccomplishinguntilIgetpublic
opinionundercontrol.AnythingIpropose,
evenifitissomethingtheymighthave
championedifMomorDadhadinitiatedit,
willprobablybemetwithopposition.Ineed
tochooseahusband,”Isaiddecidedly.“Ifeelconfidentthatwillhelpwithpublicopinion,
165/467
andlet’sallhopeso,becausetheydon’tlikeme.”
“Eadlyn,that’snot—”
“It’strue.Iknowitis,LadyBrice.I’veex-
perienceditmyself.NeedIremindyouofthe
parade?”
Shecrossedherarms.“Okay,fine.You’re
notexactlypopular.AndIcanseehowfind-
ingapartnermightswaythat.So,isthat
whatwe’refocusingontoday?”
“Atleastforthenextfiveminutes.Itrust
myheadalittlemorethanmyheart,sohelp
me.Talkitout.”
Neenashrugged.“Who’supfirst?Kile?
Theentirepalaceispullingforhim.He’sso
cuteandsmartandoh,mygoodness,ifyou
don’twanthim,sendhimmyway.”
“Don’tyouhaveaboyfriend?”
Shesighed.“Ihateitwhenyou’reright.”
Ilaughed.“I’dbelyingifIsaidIdidn’tfeelaconnectionwithhim.Ieventoldhimas
much…butIkeeppausingonhim.I’mnot
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surewhy,butI’mnotreadytosayhe’smy
firstchoice.”
“Okay,”LadyBricereplied.“Whoelse?”
“Hale.He’sgotagreatattitudeandhas
vowedtoprovehimselftomeeveryday.He’s
yettofail.Andhe’seasytobearound.That’soneofthereasonsIlikeFox,too.”
“FoxismoreattractivethanHale,”Neena
said.“Nottobeshallow,butthosethings
matterinpublicopinion.”
“Iunderstandthat,butbeautyissubject-
ive.Youknowhowsometimeswhatmakesa
personattractiveisthewaytheymakeyou
laughorhowitseemsliketheycanreadyour
mind?Iwanttothinkaboutthat,too.”
Neenasmiled.“Soyou’dpickHaleover
Foxthen?”
Ishookmyhead.“That’snotwhatImeant
exactly.I’monlytryingtosaythatlooks
aren’teverything.Weneedtofocusonother
qualities.”
“Like?”LadyBriceencouraged.
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“LikehowHenriisendlesslyoptimistic.
Nomatterthecircumstance,heisabeacon
ofjoy.AndIdon’tdoubthisaffectionformeintheslightest.”
Neenarolledhereyes.“That’sfine,buthe
can’tspeakEnglish.There’snowayyoutwo
haveeverhadaconversationthatdidmore
thanskimthesurface.”
“That’s…well,that’strue.Buthe’svery
sweetandwouldbegoodtome.Eriksaidit
waspossibleforHenritolearn,butitmight
takeawhile.Andhe’sbeenupuntilmidnight
studyingsincehebecameanElite.Andfor
mypart,I’monmywaytoaFinnishlesson
rightnow.Wecanworkonthisfromboth
ends,andErikcouldstayonforaslongasittookforustoadjust.”
LadyBriceshookherhead.“That’srather
unfairtoErik.Hehasafamily,ajob.He
didn’tsignuptopossiblybestuckatthe
palaceforthenextfiveyears.Whatifhe
wantstofindapartnerofhisown?”
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Iwantedtoshootbackthatshewaswrong
…butIcouldn’t.Erikdidn’tknowhowlong
theSelectionwouldlastwhenheagreedto
come,buthecertainlydidn’tgointothis
thinkinghe’dliveatthepalaceuntilhis
chargewasfluentinEnglish.Anditwouldbe
unkindtoaskhimtodojustthat.
“He’dstay.Iknowit,”wasallIsaid.
Therewasasilenceafterthat,likeLady
BriceknewIwasinthewrongandwasde-
batingcallingmeonit.Insteadshesighed.
“Who’sleft?Ean?”sheasked.
“Ean’salittletrickier,buttrustme,he’s
important.”
Neenasquinted.“Sothen…they’reall
front-runners?”
Isighed.“Iguessso.I’mnotsureifthat
meansIchosewellorchosepoorly.”
LadyBricelaughed.“Youchosewell.
Really.ImaynotunderstandEan’sappealor
howyou’dmakethingsworkwithHenri,but
theyallhavetheirmerits.Ithinkwhatwe
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needtodoatthispointisstepuptheirtraining,reallystartgroomingthemforthe
throne.Thatwillhelpelevatesomeofthem,
I’msure.”
“Grooming?Thatsoundscreepy.”
“Idon’tmeanitlikethat.I’msimply
saying—”
LadyBrice’snextwordswerelostbecause,
withoutanywarning,Grandmaflungthe
dooropen.
“Youreallyneedtoaskpermissionfirst,”a
guardwarnedherinahushedtone.
Shekeptwalkingtowardme.“Well,my
girl,it’stimeformetoheadout.”
“Sosoon?”Iasked,embracingher.
“Icanneverstaytoolong.Yourmotheris
recoveringfromaheartattack,andshestill
hastheaudacitytoordermearound.Iknow
she’sthequeen,”sheconceded,raisingher
handsintheairinsurrender,“butI’mher
mother,andthattrumpsqueenanyday.”
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Ilaughed.“I’llrememberthatfordownthe
road.”
“Youdothat,”shesaid,rubbingmycheek.
“Andifyoudon’tmind,getyourselfahus-
bandassoonasyoucan.I’mnotgettingany
younger,andI’dliketoseeatleastonegreat-grandchildbeforeI’mdead.”Shestaredat
mystomachandshookherfinger.“Don’tlet
medown.”
“Ooooookay,Grandma.Wehavetoget
backtoworkhere,soyouheadonhomeand
makesuretocallwhenyougetthere.”
“Willdo,honey.Willdo.”
Istoodinsilence,baskingintheinsanity
thatwasmygrandmother.
Neenaleanedover.“Now,whichofyour
topfivedoyouthinkwouldbethemost
eagerbabymaker?Shouldweputthatona
checklist?”
Evenmymostviolentglaredidnothingto
diminishhergiddiness.“Don’tforget,Ican
callinafiringsquadatanymomentifIlike.”
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“Youcancallthatfiringsquadwhenever
youwant,butI’vegotGrandmaonmyside,
soI’vegotnothingtoworryabout.”
Islumped,lettingthesillinessofitall
settlein.“Sadly,Neena,Ithinkyou’reright.”
“Don’tfeeltoobad.Shemeanswellatthe
heartofitall.”
“I’lltryandrememberthat.Soareweokay
fornow?IneedtogolearnsomeFinnish.”
“Sorry,sorry,sorry!”Isaid,burstingintothelibrary.Theboyscheeredatmyentrance,
andIscurriedovertoanopenseatatatablewithHenri,Hale,andEan.“Dutycalled.”
Erikchuckled,placingasmallpacketof
papersinfrontofme.“You’reexcused.Don’t
worry.Wehaven’tgottentoofar.Lookover
thefirstpage,andHenriwillhelpyouwith
pronunciationswhileIcheckhoweveryone
elseisdoing.Thenwe’llmoveon.”
“Okay.”Ipickedupthepaper—acopy
madeofErik’shandwrittennoteswithhand-
drawnpicturesinthemargin—andsmiled.
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Firsttaskofthedaywaslearningtocounttotwelve,sowecouldtelltime.Staringatthissimplelessonmademeinstantlyembarrassed.AllIcouldthink
ofwasthatit
seemedthereweren’tenoughvowelsinthe
words,andtheonesthatbotheredtoshow
upwereallinthewrongplaces.“Allright,”Isaid,lookingatthefirstword:yksi.
“Yucksey?”
Henrigiggledandshookhishead.“Issaid
yoo-ksi.”
“Yooksi?”
“Yes!Go,go,”heencouraged,andthoughI
couldn’tbeanythingclosetoperfect,itwas
stillnicehavingmyownpersonalcheerlead-
er.“Issaidkahk-si.”
“Kahk-si…kaksi.”
“Good,good.Now,iskolme.”
“Coolmay,”Itried.
“Ehhh,”hesaid,stilltryingtobepositive.
“Kohl-may.”
173/467
Itriedagain,butIcouldseeIwasgetting
itwrong.Iwasbeingfoiledbythenumber
three.Everthegentleman,heleanedin,pre-
paringtotakeasmuchtimeasIneeded.
“Issaidoh.Kohl-may.”
“Ooh.Ooh,”Itried.
Heliftedhishandandgentlyputhisfin-
gersonmycheeks,tryingtochangethe
shapeofmymouth,andittickled.Ibrokein-
toasmile,unabletoevenmakethesoundhe
wasgoingforinthefirstplace.Butheheld
myfaceallthesame.Afteramoment,the
humorlefthiseyes,andIrecognizedthe
lookinthem.I’dseenitbefore,inthekit-
chen,whenhe’dturnedhisshirtintoanap-
ronforme.
Itwassuchacaptivatingstare,Icom-
pletelyforgottherewereotherpeopleinthe
room.
UntilErikdroppedabookontheother
desk.“Excellent,”hesaid,andIpulledaway
fromHenriasquicklyasIcould,praying
174/467
thatnoonehadnoticedwhathadnearlyjust
happened.
“Itlookslikeyou’realldoingwellwiththe
numbers,sowe’regoingtostartusingthem
insentences.Ifyou’lllookupattheboard
here,I’vegotawrittenexample;butasI’m
sureyou’vealreadyguessed,thepronunci-
ationisabittricky.”
Theboyslaughed,seemingtohave
struggledwiththenumbersasmuchasIhad
…andalsoseemingtohavebeentooen-
grossedtohavenotedmyalmostkiss.Ifo-
cusedmygazeontheboard,tryingtotakein
thephoneticsofthewordsinfrontofmein-
steadoffocusingonhowcloseHenriwas
sitting.
THEFIRSTFREEMOMENTIhadthatdaywas
lunch,andIknewIneededtousethetimeto
focusondamagecontrol.Whileeveryone
headedofftothediningroomafterourFin-
nishlesson,Iwentbacktomyofficeand
pulledMarid’scardfrommydeskdrawer.It
wasclearlymadefromexpensivepaper.I
wonderedwhathisfamilywasdoingnowto
affordthat.Theymusthavedonewellfor
176/467
themselves,wherevertheirpathhadtaken
them.
Idialedthenumber,kindofhopinghe
wouldn’tpickup.
“Hello?”
“Yes,um,Marid?”
“Eadlyn,isthatyou?”
“Yes.”Ifidgeted,straighteningoutmy
clothes,eventhoughhecouldn’tseeme.“Is
thisanokaytime?”
“Absolutely.HowcanIhelpyou,Your
Highness?”
“Ijustwantedtosay,Isawsomespecula-
tionaboutourrelationshipinthepressthe
otherday.”
“Oh,yeah.I’msorryaboutthat.Youknow
howtheycantakeathingoutofcontext.”
“Ido,”Inearlyexclaimed.“Andreally,I
wantedtoapologizetoyou.Iknowwhatan
upheavalitcanbewhensomeone’slifeis
caughtupinmine,andI’msorryyou’vebeen
goingthroughthat.”
177/467
“Eh,let’emtalk,”herepliedwithalaugh.
“Really,noapologynecessary.ButwhileI’ve
gotyou,Iwantedtorunanideapastyou.”
“Sure.”
“Iknowyou’vebeenworriedaboutthe
post-casteviolence,andIthoughtitmightbegoodforyoutohavesomethinglikeatown
hallsession.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Youcouldchooseahandfulofpeople
fromvariousbackgroundstocometothe
palaceandsitdownwithyoupersonally.It
wouldbeauniqueopportunitytohearfrom
yourpeople,andifyouinvitedthepress,it
mightalsobearatherspectacularopportun-
itytoshowhowwellthepalacelistenstoitspeople.”
Iwasstunned.“Actually,that’sawonder-
fulidea.”
“Ifyouwant,Icantakecareofmostofthe
arrangementsforyou.Ihaveafewlinkswith
somefamiliesthatusedtobeEights,aswell
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assomethathavehadahardtimelettinggo
oftheirTwostatus.Maybewecouldplanon
invitingadozenorsopeople,soyou
wouldn’tbeoverwhelmed?”
“Marid,thatsoundsperfect.I’mgoingto
havemylady-in-waitingcallyou.Hername
isNeenaHallensway,andshe’sasorganized
asyouseemtobe.Sheknowsmyschedule
andwouldbethebestpersontotalktoabout
atimeanddate.”
“Excellent.I’llwaittohearfromher.”
Therewasalongsilence,andIwasn’t
quitesurehowtobreakaway.
“Thankyou,”Itried.“Nowmorethanever,
IreallyneedtoprovehowmuchIcareabout
mypeople.Iwantthemtoknowthat,ina
fewyears,I’llbeasabletoleadthemasmy
father.”
“Howanyonecoulddoubtthatisamystery
tome.”
179/467
Ismiled,thrilledtohaveaddedanother
allytomyarsenal.“Sorrytorushoff,butI
mustbegoing.”
“Notatall.We’lltalkagainsoon.”
“Ofcourse.Good-bye.”
“Good-bye.”
Ihungupthephoneandsighedinrelief.
Thatwasn’tasawkwardasI’dbeenfearingit
wouldbe.Marid’swordsranginmyears.Let
’emtalk.Iknewtheyalwayswould.Hopefullysoon,they’dhavesomethingpositiveto
say.
“WAIT,WHICHWAYDOTHESEguysmoveagain?”
Haleaskedbeforereachingoverandpicking
uptwopetitsfoursandsettingthemonhis
plate.
“Bishopsmovediagonally.Iwouldn’tdo
thatifIwasyou,butit’syourfuneral.”
Helaughed.“Okay.Whataboutthelittle
castleones?”
“Straightlines,eithersidetosideorback
andforth.”
181/467
Hemovedhisrook,takinganotheroneof
mypawns.“Honestly,Ineverwouldhave
peggedyouforachessgirl.”
“I’mnotreally.Ahrenusedtobeobsessed,
andheforcedmetoplaywithhimevery
singledayformonths.Butthenhegotseri-
ousaboutCamille,andallhischesstime
turnedintoletter-writingtime.”
Imovedmybishopandtookhisknight.
“Ugh,Ididn’tevenseethat,”helamented
betweenbites.“I’vebeenwantingtoaskyou
aboutAhren,butIwasn’tsureifyouwereup
forit.”
Ishrugged,preparedtodismisstheinvita-
tion,butinsteadIremindedmyselfthatifI
wasgoingtohaveashotathappinessatall,Ihadtoletsomeonepastmywalls.Sighing,I
toldthetruth.
“Imisshim.It’slikeIgrewupwithabuilt-
inbestfriend,andnowhe’sgone.Ihaveoth-
erpeopleI’mcloseto,likemylady-in-wait-
ing,Neena.Idon’tthinkIrealizedhowmuch
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IwasrelyingonheruntilAhrenwasgone
andIcouldseeit.Butitmakesmeafraid.
WhatifIgettothepointIdidwithAhren,
whereshe’sthepersonIgotowith
everything,andthensomethinghappensand
sheleaves?”
Halenoddedashelistened,andIcould
seehewastryingtosuppressasmile.
“Thisisn’tfunny!”Icomplained,chucking
oneofhislostpawnsathim.
Helaughedoutloud,dodgingthethrow.
“No,I’mnotsmilingbecauseofthat.It’sjust
…thelasttimewetalkedlikethisyouran.
You’renotwearingsneakersunderthat
gown,areyou?”
“Notatall.Theywouldn’tgotogether,”I
teased.“No,really,Ishouldhavetrustedyouthen,andIdotrustyounow.SorryifI’m
slow.Openinguptopeopleisnotaskillof
mine.”
“Norush.I’maprettypatientperson.”
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Icouldn’ttaketheeyecontactanymore,so
Ifocusedontheboard,watchinghishands
hoverabovethegrid.
“AsforhowyoufeelaboutNeena,”Hale
wenton,“evenifshedidhavetoleave,that
wouldn’tmakeherlessofafriendanymore
thanitmakesAhrenlessofyourbrother.
Youmighthavetoworkhardertokeepin
touch,butifyoulovethemasmuchasyou
say,it’llbeworthit.”
“Iknowthat’strue,”Iadmitted.“It’s
alreadyprettydifficultformetomake
friends,seeingasIdon’tgetoutmuch.SoI
kindofneedtokeeptheonesIhave.”
Halechuckled,andImissedwhathedid
ontheboard.“Well,Ijustwanttogoonre-
cordandsaythatevenifyoudon’tchoose
me,youhavemyfriendshipforlife,andI’ll
beonaplanetoAngelesinaheartbeatifyoueverneedme.”
Ismiled.“Somethingeveryday.”
Henodded.“Everyday.”
184/467
“Ireallyneededtohearthat.Thankyou.”I
satuptallerandbegantoplanmynext
move.“Whataboutyou?Who’syourbest
friend?”
“Actually,Iwasinterrogatedoverthisa
fewweeksago,justafterBurkeleft.Mybest
friendisagirl,andtheythoughtIwaswrit-
ingto‘mygirlfriendbackhome.’Letmetell
you,itwashumiliatingtoaskhertogeton
thephonewithaguardandexplainthatwe’d
never,everbeenromanticallyinvolved.”
Ibitmylip,gladhecouldseethehumorin
it.“I’mreallysorry.”
“It’sfine.Carriegotakickoutofit,
actually.”
“Well,I’mhappyshetookitinstride.”I
clearedmythroat.“ButnowIhavetoask,
haveyoureallyneverhadacrushonher?”
“No!”Healmostshuddered.“Carrie’slike
asistertome.Thethoughtofkissingherjustfeelswrong.”
185/467
Iputmyhandsupinfrontofme,startled
byhowoffendedhewas.“Okay.Idon’thave
toworryaboutCarrie.Gotit.”
“Sorry.”Thedisgustinhisfaceshiftedtoa
shysmile.“It’sjustthatI’vebeenaskedthatamilliontimes.Otherfriends,ourparents…
it’slikeeveryonehasalwayswantedustobe
together,andIdon’tfeelanythinglikethat
forher.”
“Igetthat.Sometimesitseemslikeevery-
onewantsmetopickKilejustbecausewe
grewuptogether.Likethataloneisenough
toguaranteeyou’llfallinlove.”
“Well,thedifferencethereisthatyouactu-
allyhavefeelingsforKile.Anyonewatching
couldtell.”Hefiddledwithadiscarded
pawn.
Ilookedatmylap.“Ishouldn’thave
broughtthatup.I’msorry.”
“No,it’sokay.Ithinktheonlywaytostay
sanethroughallthisistorememberthat
you’retheoneleadingthis,andyou’rethe
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onewhodecideswherewestand.Theonly
thinganyofuscandoisbeourselves.”
“Wheredoyouthinkyoustandexactly?”
Hegavemeasmallsmile.“Idon’tknow.
Somewhereinthemiddle?”
Ishookmyhead.“You’redoingbetterthan
that.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Hissmilefadedalittle.“That’skindof
amazing,butalsoscary.There’salotofre-
sponsibilitythatcomeswithwinningthis.”
Inodded.“Tons.”
“IguessIneverreallystoppedtothink
aboutthat.Butwithyoureallybeingin
charge
these
days,
it’s
a
little
…
overwhelming.”
Istaredathim,feelingcertainIhadtobe
misunderstandingsomething.“You’renot
tryingtobackout,areyou?”
“No,”hesaid,continuingtorollthepawn
inhishand.“I’mjustcomingface-to-face
187/467
withhowbigthisis.I’msureyourmomhad
momentslikethis,too.”
Hewasuncharacteristicallysharp,and
thisseemedtorundeeperthanhisfrustra-
tionaboutCarrie.AsIcontinued,tryingto
keepmytoneeven,heavoidedmyeyes.
“DidImisssomething?You’vealways
beensoenthusiastic,tothepointthatI’ve
wonderedaboutyoursanity.What’swiththe
suddencoldfeet?”
“Ididn’tsayIwashavingcoldfeet,”he
countered.“Iwassimplyvoicingaconcern.
You’reconstantlyvoicingyourconcerns.
Howisthisanydifferent?”
Therewasplentyoftruthtothat,butIhad
clearlyhitanerve.AndafterhowhardI’d
workedtobeopenwithHale,Ididn’tunder-
standwhyhewouldclamuponme.WhileI
didn’tthinkhewasthetypetotestme
simplyforthesakeofit,Iwonderedifmaybehewastryingtogaugemypatience.
188/467
Iclenchedandunclenchedmyhandsun-
derneaththetable,remindingmyselfthatI
trustedHale.
“Perhapsit’sbetterifwechangethesub-
ject,”Isuggested.
“Agreed.”
Buttheonlythingthatfollowedwas
silence.
THEPARLORWASPREPAREDFORourcoming
guests.Tworowsofchairsweresetupstadi-
umstyle,remindingmeofhowtheSelected
usedtositfortheReport.Wehadfoodanddrinksaroundtheroom,asecuritycheck-pointbythedoor,andcamerascirculating.
Behindtheproductionstaff,theElitesat
againstthewall,andtheyallseemedtobe
excitedtofindapartofmyjobtheycould
observe.IwashappytoseethatKileand
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Erik(thoughsurelyhisactionsweremorefor
Henri’sbenefit)hadbothbroughtnotepads.
They’dcometowork.
“Youlooklovely,”Maridassuredme,
probablynotingthatIwaspullingatmy
collar.
“Iwastryingtolookbusinesslikewithout
makingthingstooformal.”
“Andyousucceeded.Youjustneedtocalm
down.They’renotheretoattackyou;they’re
heretotalktoyou.Theonlythingyouhave
todoislisten.”
Inodded.“Listen.Icandothat.”Itooka
deepbreath.We’dneverdoneanythinglike
thisbefore,andIwasequalpartsgiddyand
horrified.“Howdidyoufindthesepeople?
Friendsofyours?”
“Notexactly.Afewhavecalledintoradio
showsI’vedonebefore,andothersweresug-
gestedbyacquaintances.It’sagoodmixof
socialandeconomicstatuses,whichshould
createsomewell-roundeddiscussion.”
191/467
Itookthisin.That’sallthiswas:adiscus-
sion.Iwouldseethefacesofpeoplewhoac-
tuallylivedinourcountry,heartheirvoices.
Itwasn’tamassivecrowd;itwasahandful.
“We’regoingtomakeitthroughthis,all
right?”hesaidreassuringly.
“Allright.”AndIremindedmyselfthat
thiswasagoodthingasourguestsbegan
tricklingintotheroom.
Iwalkedovertoshakehandswithawo-
manwholookedlikeshe’dtakenmoretime
onherhairthanIhadandherhusbandwho,
whilehandsome,couldhaveknocked
someoneoutwiththeamountofcologne
he’dputon.
“YourHighness,”thewomangreeted,
droppingintoacurtsy.“MynameisSharron
Spinner,andthisismyhusband,Don.”He
bowed.“We’resopleasedtobehere.It’sso
nicethepalaceistakingtimetohearfromitspeople.”
192/467
Inodded.“It’slongoverdue.Please,help
yourselftosomerefreshmentsandmake
yourselfcomfortable.Theproducersmight
stoptointerviewyouaspeoplesettlein,butyou’reundernoobligationtospeaktothem
ifyoudon’twantto.”
Sharrontouchedthecornersofherlips,
makingsurehermakeupwasaspristineas
possible.“No,wedon’tmindatall.Comeon,
honey.”
Icouldbarelycontainmyeyeroll.The
Spinnersseemedalittletooeagertobeon
camera.
BehindtheSpinnersweretheBarnsesand
thePalters.Therewasagirlonherown,BreeMarksman,andtwoyoungermen,Joeland
Blake,whohadmetinthefoyerandwere
alreadytalkinglikefriends.Finallyayoungercouplewhointroducedthemselvesasthe
Shellswalkedin.Theylookedliketheyhad
donetheirbesttoscrapetogethersomenice
193/467
clothesfortheoccasionandhadcomeup
short.
“BrentonandAlly,yousaid?”Iwaveda
hand,invitingthemtowalkbesideme.
“Yes,YourHighness.Thankyousomuch
forhavingus.”Brentonsmiled,looking
gratefulandbashfulatonce.“Doesthis
meanthatwe’regoingtobeabletomove
now?”
Istopped,turningtofacethem.Allyswal-
lowed,clearlytryingnottogetherhopesup.
“Move?”
“Yeah.DowninZuniwe’vebeentryingto
moveoutofourneighborhoodforawhile.”
“It’snotverysafe,”Allyaddedquietly.
“We’vebeenthinkingaboutstartingafam-
ily.Buttheykeepchangingthepricesofthe
apartments.”
“Wehadfriendswhomoved,andthey
didn’thaveanyproblems,”Allyinsisted.
194/467
“Butwhenwetriedtogetintothesame
area,therentwasdoublewhatitwasforNic
andEllen.”
“Theownerssaidourfriendsmusthave
misquotedtherate,but…well,Idon’twant
toaccuseanyoneofanything,butNicwas
bornaThree,andwebothwouldbeFives.
“Wejustwanttolivesomewheresafer,”
Brentonaddedwithashrug.“Evenifyou
can’tfixit,wethoughtmeetingwiththe
princessmighthelpthings.”
“YourHighness,”theproducersaid.“I’m
sorrytointerrupt,butwe’restarting.”She
showedtheShellstotheirseats,andIsat
acrossfromeveryone,unsureofhowto
begin.
Ilaughed,tryingtobreakthetension.
“Sincewe’veneverdonethisbefore,wedon’t
reallyhaveanoutlinetofollow.Doesanyone
haveanyquestions?”
Oneoftheyoungmen—Blake,Ire-
membered—raisedhishand,andIwatched
195/467
ascameraschangedanglestofocusonhis
face.
“Yes,Blake?”
“Whenwillthekingbeback?”
And,justlikethat,Ibecameinsignificant.
“I’mnotsure.Itdependsonwhenmymoth-
erisfullyrecovered.”
“Buthewillbeback,right?”
Iforcedmyselftosmile.“If,forsomereas-
on,hedidn’treturn,thestatewouldcontinueasusual.Ihavealwaysbeennextinlineto
rule,andIhavethesameidealsasmyfather.
Hewantedsobadlytoseethecastesbrought
toanend,andnowthatthey’regone,Iwould
seektofurthererasethelinesthey’veleftintheirwake.”
IpeekedoveratMarid,whogavemea
quickthumbs-up.
“Butthat’sthething,”AndrewBarns
began.“Thepalacehasdonenothingtohelp
thoseofuswhoseparentswereFivesand
Sixesorlower.”
196/467
“Ithinkwe’vebeenatalossastowhat
wouldbemosteffective.That’spartofwhy
you’reheretoday.Wewanttohearfrom
you.”Icrossedmyhandsonmylap,hopingI
lookedputtogether.
“Domonarchseverreallyheartheir
people?”Breeasked.“Haveyouconsidered
handingthegovernmentovertothepublic?
Don’tyouthinkthere’sachancewemightdo
abetterjobthanyou?”
“Well—”
Sharroncutmeoff,turningtoBree.
“Sweetie,youcanbarelydressyourself.How
doyouthinkyoucouldpossiblyruna
country?”
“Givemeavote!”Breedemanded.“That
alonewouldchangeplenty.”
Mr.
Palter—Jamal—leaned
forward.
“You’retooyoung,”hesaid,alsogangingup
onBree.“Iwanttoseechangemyself.I’ve
livedthroughthecastes.IwasaThree,andIlostalotsincethen.Youkidsdon’tknow
197/467
enoughaboutwherewe’vebeentoevencon-
tributetotheconversation.”
Theothersingleboystoodup,enraged.
“JustbecauseI’myoungdoesn’tmeanI
don’tpayattentionorthatIdon’tknow
peoplewho’vestruggled.Iwantthiscountry
tobebetterforeveryone,notjustme.”
Wewerelessthanfiveminutesin,andthe
entireconversationhadturnedintoabark-
ingcontest.Itdidn’tevenseemtomatter
thatIwasthere.Plentyofpeoplementioned
me,ofcourse,butnooneactuallyspoketo
me.
Isupposedtryingtogetaglimpseata
widerangeoflifestylesmeantweweregoing
tohaveconflict,butIwishedMaridhadvet-
tedthesepeoplebetter.Thenagain,maybe
hehad,andwestillendedupwithpeople
whodidn’tcareifIwaspresentornot.I’d
spentsomuchtimeworryingthatthey’dhate
methatIhadn’tpausedtoconsiderthe
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possibilitythatIwassimplyirrelevantin
theireyes.
“Ifwecouldmayberaiseourhands,”Isug-
gested,tryingtoregaincontrol.“Ican’thearyourthoughtsifyou’reallspeakingatonce.”
“Idemandavote!”Breeyelled,andthe
othersfellsilent.Sheglaredatme.“You
peoplehavenoideawhatourlivesareactu-
allylike.Lookatthisroom.”Shegesturedtothe
expertly
coordinated
paint
and
tapestries,theporcelaindishesandsparklingglasses.“Howcanwetrustyourjudgment
whenyouarethisdisconnectedfromyour
people?Youruleoverourliveswithnoun-
derstandingofwhatitmeanstolivetheway
wedo.”
“Shehasapoint,”saidSuzettePalter.
“You’veneverspentadayinthedirtoron
therun.It’seasytomakedecisionsabout
otherpeople’sliveswhenyoudon’thaveto
livethem.”
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Isatthere,staringatthesestrangers.Iwasresponsibleforthem.ButhowcouldIbe?
Howcouldonepersonmakesureeachand
everysoulhadeverychancetheycould,
everythingtheyneeded?Itwasn’tpossible.
Andyet,steppingdowndidn’tseemlikethe
solutioneither.
“I’msorry,Ihavetostopthis,”Maridsaid,
comingoutoftheshadows.“Theprincessis
toogracioustoremindyouofexactlywho
sheis,butasherverydearfriend,Icannot
allowyoutospeaktoherthisway.”
Heremindedmeofsomeofmytutors,the
waytheystoodovermeandmademefeel
embarrassedevenwhenIwasn’tsurethere
wasareasonIshouldbe.
“PrincessEadlynmaynotbeyoursover-
eigntoday,butsheisdestinedforthethrone.
Shehasearneditthroughalonglineoftra-
ditionandsacrifice.Youforgetthatwhile
youhavechoiceoveryourprofession,loca-
tion,yourveryfuture,hershasbeen
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assignedtoheratbirth.Andshehaswill-
inglyacceptedtheweightofitforyoursake.
“Shoutingatheroverheryouthisunfair,
asweallknowherfatherhadlittlemoreex-
periencewhenheascended.PrincessEadlyn
hasstudiedtirelesslyathissideforyearsandhasalreadysaidsheplanstocarryouthis
ambitions.Tellherhowtodothat.”
Breecockedherhead.“Ialreadydid.”
“Ifyou’resuggestingwesuddenlybecome
ademocracy,thatwouldcausemorehavoc
inyourlifethanyoucanimagine,”Marid
insisted.
“Butifyouwantavote,”Ibegan,“perhaps
wecantalkabouthowtoimplementthatloc-
ally.It’smuchmorepossiblefortheleaders
closesttoyou,theoneswhoactuallyseeyourareadaytoday,toprovidewhat’sneeded
mostforyou.”
Breedidn’tsmile,butshedidrelaxher
tightshoulders.“Thatwouldbeastart.”
201/467
“Okaythen.”IsawNeenaferociouslytak-
ing
notes.
“Brenton,
you
mentioned
somethingabouthousingwhenyoucamein.
Canyoutellmemoreaboutthat?”
Afterfifteenminutesthegroupcameto
thedecisionthathousingshouldneverbe
deniedtoanyonebasedontheirprofession
orformercaste,andthatallpricesshouldbemadepublicsotheycouldn’tbemarkedup
torestrictcertainpeoplefromapplying.
“Idon’twanttosoundsnobby,”Sharron
said,“butsomeofusliveinareaswherewe
wouldprefer…certainpeoplenottocome.”
“Youfailed,”oneoftheboyssaid.“That
soundscompletelysnobby.”
Isighed,thinking.“Firstofall,Iassume
thatifyouliveinawealthyneighborhood,itwouldtakeaconsiderableamountofmoney
tomovethereinthefirstplace.Andsecond
ofall,you’reassumingthatpeoplewithlittlemeanswouldmakeforhorribleneighbors.
202/467
“Whatyousaidaboutme,Suzette,was
right.”Sheperkedupatthesoundofher
nameandsmiledoverbeingcorrectwithout
knowingwhatitwasyet.“I’veneverlived
outsidethepalace.ButthankstotheSelec-
tion,youngmenfrommanydifferentback-
groundshavecomeintomylife,andthey’ve
taughtmesomuch.Someofthemwere
workingthroughschoolorsupportingtheir
familiesortryingjusttomasterEnglishso
theycanhavemoreopportunities.They
mighthavegonethroughtheirliveswith
muchlessthanIhave,butthey’veenriched
mylifeinwaysIcan’tbegintoexpress.Sharron?”Iasked.“Isn’tthatworthsomething?”
Shedidn’tanswer.
“Attheendoftheday,Ican’tforceanyof
youtotreatpeoplethewayyoushould.Butitshouldbeonyourconsciencethatwhatever
lawsIpasswon’tdomuchunlesseachofyou
takesituponyourselftoshowkindnessto
yourfellowcitizens.”
203/467
IsawMaridsmileandknewthatwhileI
maynothavegottenitperfect,I’dtakenabigstep.Itfeltlikeavictory.
Whenthetownhallmeetingwasover,I
feltreadytocollapsefromthetension.
Nearlytwohoursoftalkingfeltlikeaweek’sworthofwork.ThankgoodnesstheElite
seemedtounderstandhowdrainedIwas
andleftwithlittlemorethanpolitebows.
There’dbeplentyoftimetodiscussthiswiththemlater.FornowIjustwantedtoflop
ontoacouch.
IgroanedatMarid.“Igetthefeeling
they’llwantustodothisagain,butIrefuseuntilIhavefullyrecoveredfromtoday.
Whichmaytakeyears.”
Helaughed.“Youdidgreat.They’rethe
oneswhomadeitdifficult.Butsincethiswasafirst,nooneknewhowtobehave.Ifyoudo
thisagain,itwillbemuchbetteronall
sides.”
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“Ihopeso.”Irubbedmyhandstogether.“I
keepthinkingaboutBree,howpassionate
shewas.”
“Passionate.”Herolledhiseyes.“That’s
onewordforit.”
“I’mserious.Thismatteredsomuchto
her,”Ilamented,thinkingofhowshelooked
closetotearsafewtimes.“I’vestudiedpoliticalsciencemywholelife.Iknowaboutre-
publicsandconstitutionalmonarchiesand
democracies.Iwonderifmaybeshe’sright.
Maybeweshould—”
“Letmestopyourightthere.Haveyou
alreadyforgottenhowderangedshelooked
whenshesawshewasn’tgoingtogether
way?Doyoureallywantthecountry’s
choicesmadebysomeonelikeher?”
“She’sonevoiceoutofmillions.”
“Exactly.AndIhavestudiedpoliticsjust
aslongasyouandthroughamuchmorevar-
iedlens.Trustme,itisfarbettertokeepthecontrolrighthere.”Heheldmyhandsinhis,
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smilingsosurelythatIdismissedmy
thoughts.“Andyouareverycapable.Don’t
letatinygroupofpeoplewithnoideaofhowtoreasonablyvoicetheiropinionsundermineyourconfidence.”
Inodded.“Iwasabitshaken,that’sall.”
“Ofcourseyouwere.Thatwasatough
crowd.Butyoucouldwashitallawaywitha
bottleofwine.Iknowyouhaveexcellent
storeshere.”
“Wedo,”Irepliedwithagrin.
“Comeon,then.Let’scelebrate.Youjust
didawonderfulthingforyourpeople.You’ve
morethanearnedaglass.”
“WELL,ITWASN’TGREAT,”Iadmitted,“butit
couldhavebeenmuchworse.”
“Tellyourdaughtertogiveherselfmore
credit,”Maridinsisted.
MomandDadsmiled,andIwasgladwe’d
runintotheminthehallway.Dad’svoice,
abovealltheothers,wouldhelpmesortout
exactlywhatI’djustsaidanddone.
“Wetry,Marid,Iassureyou.”Dadtooka
sipofhiswinebeforesettingitdown,
207/467
pushingitfaraway,andpouringhimselfa
cupoftea,justlikeMom.
Thedoctorsaidanoccasionaldrinkwas
fine,butsheclearlywasn’tinterestedinriskingit,andIwasn’tsurprisedDadwouldfol-
lowherlead.
“How’syourmother?”Momasked.Theset
ofherlipsmademefeellikeshe’dbeendyingtoaskthequestion.
Maridgrinned.“Sheneverslowsdown.
She’ssad,ofcourse,thatshecan’tdobiggerthings,butsheworksdiligentlytotakecare
ofthosenearusinColumbia.Evenasmall
bitofgoodisbetterthannone.”
“Agreed,”Momreplied.“Wouldyouplease
tellherIthinkofheroften?”
SheflickedhereyestowardDad,whore-
mainedunreadable,butMaridseemed
pleased.“Iwill.AndIcanassureyou,she
feelsthesame.”
208/467
Theconversationpaused,andeveryonefo-
cusedontheirdrinksforamoment.Finally,
Dadsavedusfromthesilence.
“Soitsoundslikethatonecouplewasbor-
derlinevicious.Thewife,whatwasher
name?”
“Sharron,”MaridandIchorusedback.
Dadshookhishead.“Shecameinwithan
agenda.”
“Theyalldid,”Isaid.“Butwasn’tthatthe
point?Everyoneprobablyhasaspecificidea
ofhowtoimprovetheirday-to-daylife.The
hardpartwasn’tthattheyhadthose
thoughts—itwashowtheyweretryingtoget
themacross.”
Momnodded.“Therehastobeawaytodo
somethinglikethiswithoutallthearguing.Itslowseverythingdown.”
“Insomeways,butinothersitaddstothe
discussion,”Maridclaimed.“Oncetheywere
remindedofwhotheywerespeakingwith,
theconversationbecamemuchclearer.”
209/467
“Idefinitelythinktherewasmorepositive
thannegativetoday,”Iadded.
Dadwaslookingdownatthetable.
“Dad?Don’tyouthinkso?”
Helookedupatme,smiling.“Yes,dear.I
do.”Hesighed,straighteninghisposture.
“AndIoweyouthanks,Marid.Amovelike
thisiscertainlyprogress,notjustforthe
palace,butforthecountry—anditwasavery
goodidea.”
“Iwillpassalongyourthankstomyfather.
Heputtheideainmyheadyearsago.”
Dadgrimaced.“ThenIalsooweyouan
apology.”Hetappedhisfingeronthetable,
collectinghisthoughts.“Pleasetellyourparentstheyneedn’tstayaway.Justbecausewe
disagreedonmethodsdoesn’tmean—”
Maridraisedhishand.“Saynomore,Your
Majesty.Myfatherhassaidonmorethan
oneoccasionthathesteppedovertheline.I
willurgehimtocall.Soon.”
Dadsmiled.“I’dlikethat.”
210/467
“Me,too,”Momadded.
“Andyouarewelcometovisitasoftenas
youlike,”Iadded.“Especiallyifyouhaveanymorethoughtsonhowtoreachourpeople.”
Marid’sfacewastriumphant.“Oh,Ihave
plenty.”
ThefollowingmorningIwasalmostfirstto
theoffice,beatingeveryoneexceptforGen-
eralLeger,whowasrootingaroundrather
forcefullyinmyfather’sdeskdrawers.
“General?”Iasked,announcingmyself.
Hebowedcurtlyandwentbacktohis
search.“Sorry.Yourfatherhasbrokenhis
glasses,andhesaidtherewasanotherpairinhisdesk.I’mhavingnoluckatall.”
Hisvoicewasgruff,andheshovedthe
drawerclosedbeforeturningaroundtoscan
theshelfbehindhim.
“GeneralLeger?”
“Hesaidtheywouldbehere.Aretheyright
infrontofmeandI’mmissingthem?”
“Sir?”
211/467
“Onething,that’sallIhadtodo.Ican’t
evenfindapairofglasses.”
“General?”
“Yes?”herepliedwithoutlookingatme.
“Areyouallright?”
“Ofcourse.”Hesearchedandsearched,
notpausinguntilIlaidagentlehandonhis
shoulder.
“Youwouldn’tlietomyfather.Please
don’tlietome.”
Hefinallylookedupfromhistask,bewil-
dermentinhiseyes.“Whendidyougetso
tall?”heasked.“Andsoeloquent?Ifeellikeitwasjustyesterdaythatyourmotherwas
rushingintotheroomtogetustocome
watchyourfirststeps.”Hesmiledalittle.“Idon’tknowifyouknow,butAhrennearly
beatyoutothepunch.Butevenbackthen,
youweren’tgoingtoletanyoneshowyou
up.”
“Youstillhaven’tansweredmyquestion.
Areyouokay?”
212/467
Henodded.“Iwillbe.I’veneverbeengood
atacceptingdefeat,evenwhenitwasthe
bestthing.Lucy’sactuallytakingthisbetterthanIam,thoughnotbymuch.”Hesquinted.“IassumeyouknowwhatI’mtalking
about.”
Isighed.“Ido.Butonlybarely.I’membar-
rassedtoadmitI’vebeensofocusedonmy-
selfIdidn’trealizehowmuchyou’d
struggled.IwishI’dbeenmoresensitive
aboutallthis.”
“Don’tblameyourself.Wedon’tliveinthe
palace,andnothavingafamilyisn’t
somethingwewillinglychatabout.Besides,
there’snothinganyonecandoaboutit.”
“Nothing?”
“LikeIsaid,we’reacceptingdefeat.Inthe
beginningwethoughtwehadsomuchtime,
andwhenwetriedtogethelp,itjustkept
fallingthrough.Lucycan’ttakeitanymore.”
Hepaused,swallowingbeforehegavemea
weaksmile.“IhopeI’vedonerightbyyou.
213/467
Asanofficial,asafriend.You’retheclosestI’lleverhavetoadaughter,sothatmatters
tome.”
Ifoundmyselfneartears,thinkingofhow
I’dcalledhimabackupparentnotthatlong
ago.“Youhave.Ofcourseyouhave.Andnot
justbymebutbyeveryotherchildinthis
palaceyouhelpedraise.”
Hesquinted.
“Mr.Woodworkhadabrokenlegwhen
Kilewasreadytolearntorideabike.Ire-
memberyourunningbehindhimonthe
gravelinfrontofthepalaceuntilhefinallyfiguredouthowtobalance.”
GeneralLegernodded,theghostofagrin
onhisface.“That’strue.Ididthat.”
“AndMomandDadwereinNewAsia
whenKadenlosthisfirsttooth,right?Miss
Lucywastheonewhohelpedhimgetitout.
AndshetaughtJosiehowtoputoneyeliner.
Don’tyourememberhowshebraggedabout
itforweeks?”
214/467
“WhatIrememberisMarleetellingherto
wipeitoff,”hesaid,hisspiritsrising.
“AndyoutaughtAhrenandKadenhowto
handleasaber.Kadenrecentlysuggesteda
duel,andthefirstthingIthoughtofwashowhewouldhavewonhandsdownthanksto
you.”
GeneralLegerwatchedme.“Itreasure
thosememories.Ido.I’ddefendallofyoutomylastbreath.EvenifIwasn’tessentially
paidto.”
Igiggled.“Iknow.Whichiswhythere’sno
oneelseI’dtrustwithmylife.”Ireachedoutforhishand.“Pleasetakethedayoff.No
one’sgoingtoinvadetoday,andiftheydo,
I’llcallyou,”IaddedquicklywhenIcould
seehewasgoingtoprotest.“Gospendtime
withMissLucy.Remindherofeverygood
thingyou’vebeentoeachother,andremind
herofeverythingyou’vebeentous.Iknow
it’snotareasonablesubstitute,butdoitallthesame.”
215/467
“Ihaven’tfoundtheglassesyet.”
“I’msurehe’sleftthemintheparlor.I’ll
takecareofit.Yougo.”
Hegrippedmyhandonelasttimebefore
lettingitgoanddroppingintoabow.“Yes,
YourHighness.”
Iwatchedhimleave,leaningagainstthe
deskasIconsideredthegeneralandMiss
Lucyandtheirlifetogether.They’dfacedso
muchsadness,somuchdisappointment,and
yethestillshowedupeveryday,readyto
serve.SodidMissLucy.Itwasastrange
thingtomeasurethembesidemyparents,
whoseliveshadseemedtofallintoplace
perfectly.
Iwassurroundedbyexamplesofhowlove,
reallove,couldmakeyoulessbotheredby
yourcircumstances,whetheritwasfacing
thegreatestdisappointmentofyourlifeor
shoulderingtheweightofacountry.And
suddenly,forthelifeofme,Icouldn’tre-
memberwhyI’dbeensoafraidofit.
216/467
Imentallythumbedthroughmylistof
suitors.Kile’ssweetness,Fox’senthusiasm,
Henri’sjoy…thesewereallthingsthatdrew
mein.But,beyondthat,wasthere
somethingbeautifulandlasting?
Istilldidn’tknow.Butfindingoutno
longerlookedsofrightening.
Ishookthethoughtawayforthemoment
andheadedintotheparlor.Sureenough,
Dad’sglassesweresitting,unfoldedandup-
sidedown,onapileofbooks.Icarriedthem
towardhisroom,stillwonderingaboutthe
future.Inanefforttokeepfromwaking
Mom,incaseshewassleeping,Iknockedon
thedoortohispersonalstudy.
“Yes?”hecalled.
IwalkedintofindDadathisdesk,squint-
ingatsomepapers.
“Ifoundthese,”Isaid,holdinguphis
glassesandwigglingthembetweenmy
fingers.
217/467
“Ah!You’realifesaver.Where’sAspen?”
heasked,happilytakingtheglassesandpop-
pingthemonhisface.
“Itoldhimtotakethedayoff.Heseemed
alittledown.”
Dad’sheadsnappedup.“Washe?Ididn’t
notice.”
“Yes.He,andIthinkmaybeMissLucy,are
havingabadday.”
Atthementionofhername,heseemedto
understand.
“Well,nowIfeelawfulfornotsaying
something.”Heleanedbackinhischairand
rubbedathistemple.
“Haveyoubeensleepingmuch?”Iasked,
fiddlingwithapaperweight.
Hesmiled.“I’mtrying,honey,really.Butif
yourmommakessomuchasapeep,I’min-
stantlyawake,andIendupwatchingherfor
anhourbeforeI’mcalmenoughtosleep
again.Thatheartattacksneakeduponus.If
218/467
anything,I’dhaveexpectedforsomethingto
happentome.”
Inodded.SomanytimesrecentlyI’d
foundmyselfwatchinghim,wonderingifhe
wasokay.ButMom?Sheblindsidedusall.
“Yourmomkeepstalkingaboutgoingon
theReporttomorrowlikeit’ssomesignofthingsgettingbacktonormal.Asif,sinceshecandothat,Ishouldgobacktowork.AndI
knowthesecondIgobacktowork,shewill,
too.I’mnotsayingIwanthertositaround
andtwiddleherthumbs,butthethoughtof
hergoingbacktobeingthequeen,allday,
everyday…Idon’tknowhowtotakeit.”
Herubbedhiseyesandgavemeahumor-
lesssmile.“Andthetruthis,it’sbeennicetopause,takeabreath.Idon’tthinkIrealizedhowhardI’dbeenrunninguntilIhadto
stop.”Helookedupatme.“Ican’tremember
thelasttimeIhadtenundisturbedhours
withmywife.She’sgottheseprettylittle
laughlinesbyhereyes.”
219/467
Ismiled.“Well,youtellalotofhorrible
jokes,Dad.”
Henodded.“WhatcanIsay?I’mamanof
manytalents.Butthat’salmostashardto
take:whenshegoesbacktobeingqueen,I
needtogobacktobeingking.AndIdon’t
knowwhenI’llgetanotherweeklikethis,
whereit’sjustherandme.”
“So,whatifshedidn’t?”
Hesquinted.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Well…”Ithadbeencirculatinginmy
headsincethetownhallmeetingyesterday.
I’dprobablyneverbeabletohelpallmy
people,butIcouldreachafew.Thatthought
thrilledmemorethanIimaginedpossible.
And,attheveryleast,Icouldhelpmypar-
ents,whichrecentlystartedfeelinglikea
monumentalaccomplishment.Still,asthe
wordscameout,Iknewtheywerepurein-
sanity.“Whatifshewasn’tqueenanymore?
WhatifIwas?”
Dadstilled,staringatmeindisbelief.
220/467
“Idon’tmeanitasaninsult,”I
stammered.“Iknowyou’refullyabletolead
…butyou’reright.Mom’sgoingtowantto
gobacktothecompleteroleofbeinga
queen.IfIwasqueen,she’dhavetodo
somethingelse.”
Hiseyeswidenedasifhehadn’tcon-
sideredthisoption.
“Andifshewasn’tqueenandyouweren’t
king,andthistimeithappenedtobewhile
shewasn’trecoveringfromaheartattack,
maybeyoucoulddomorethansitaround.
Maybeyoucouldtravelorsomething.”
Heblinked,astonishedatthepossibility.
“Wecoulddoitthisweekeven.Icanhave
acoronationdressmade,LadyBriceand
Neenacanorganizeeverything,andyou
knowGeneralLegerwouldmakesuretheen-
tireeventwassafe.Youwouldn’thaveto
worryaboutathing.”
Heswallowed,lookingaway.“Please,Dad,
Idon’tmeanitasaninsult.I—”
221/467
Heheldupahand,andIsilencedmyself,
stunnedtoseetearsinhiseyeswhenhe
turnedbacktome.“I’mnotinsulted,”he
answeredgrufflybeforeclearinghisthroat.
“I’mjustsoproudofyou.”
Ismiled.“So…you’llletmeascend?”
“You’llhaveadifficulttime,”hesaidseri-
ously.“Thepeoplearerestless.”
“Iknow.I’mnotscared.Well,notthat
scared.”
Wesharedalaugh.“You’llbewonderful.”
Ishrugged.“I’mnoyou.AndI’mdefinitely
noMom.ButIcandothis.Ihavehelp,and
I’llstillhavethebothofyou.Andbetweenallofus,I’llprobablycomeoutlookinglikea
decentqueen.”
Heshookhishead.“Youaremorethande-
cent,Eadlyn.MaybeIhaven’ttoldyou
enough,butyou’reanextraordinaryyoung
woman.Brightandfunnyandcapable.What
aprivilegeitwillbetobeyoursubject.”His
222/467
wordsweresogenuinethatIfoundmyself
blinkingbacktears.
Ididn’trealizehowmuchhisopinionof
myactionsmattereduntilthatmoment.I
shouldhave,though,consideringhowmany
stepsI’dtakenathissuggestion.ItmeanttheworldthatheapprovedofonesIwastaking
onmyown.
Hetookadeepbreath.“Okay,then.”
Standing,hewalkedaroundthetableand
slidhissignetringoffhisringfingerand
ontothemiddlefingerofmyhand.Hiseyes,
theclearestI’dseenthemindays,stared
deeplyintomine.“Thatlooksratherniceon
you.”
Itiltedmyhead.“Nearlyeverythingdoes.”
WHENMOMWALKEDINTOTHEstudioonFriday
evening,theentireroombrokeoutinap-
plause.Sheliftedherhandinawave,ac-
knowledgingthesupportasDadwalkedso
closebesideheryoucouldn’tseeaspeckof
lightbetweenthem.Shehadatinylimpfrom
wherethedoctorshadremovedthevein
fromherleg,butshewassograceful,you
reallyhadtolooktoseeit.She’dchosena
dresswithahighneckline,andIcouldtellby
224/467
thewayshekepttouchingitthatshewas
anxiousaboutherscar.
“Youlookwonderful,”Isaid,steppingin
stridewithherandDad,tryingtodistract
her.
“Thankyou.Sodoyou.”
“Howareyoufeeling,Dad?”Ileaned
aroundher,tryingtogaugehisemotions.
Hetiltedhisheadfromsidetoside.“Part
relieved,partnervous.Notaboutyou—you’ll
dofine.I’mjustconcernedaboutthe
reaction.”
Inotedthathelookedabitmorerested,
andIcouldtellthatseeingMomalldressed
upliftedhisspirits.
“Me,too.Butweknewthisdaywould
comesoonerorlater.I’dratherdoitnow
andhelpwhenit’smostuseful.”
Momletoutawistfulsigh.“Finallyoutof
thespotlightandintothebackground,”she
said.“I’vemisseditthere.”
225/467
“Peoplewillstillwatch,mydear,”Dad
said.“Justtrytokeepyourchinuptonight,
andI’llberightbesideyouifyouneedme.”
“So,sameasalways?”
Hesmiled.“Sameasalways.”
“Look,Idon’tplantokickyououtorany-
thing,butifyouinsistonbeingmushyallthetime,I’llhaveyouinacottagefasterthan
youcansayP-D-A.”
Momkissedmyhead.“Goodlucktonight.”
TheymadetheirwaytothechairswhileI
walkedacrosstotheboys.
“YourHighness.”Eansankintoabow,his
smilebrighterthanusual.
“Hello,sir.”
“Howareyoutonight?”
“Good,Ithink.It’sgoingtobeaveryexcit-
ingshow.”
Heleanedin.“I’malwaysupforalittleex-
citement,”hewhispered.
Eansmelledofaftershaveandtobacco,
andastherehadbeensincethemoment
226/467
we’dmet,somethingslightlyhypnoticfilled
theairaroundhim.
“I’vebeenverybusylately,butI’vebeen
wonderingifyouandIshouldhaveadate
soon.”
Heshrugged.“Onlyifyouwantone.AsI
said,Ihavenointentionofdemandingany-
thingfromyou.”
“Soyou’requitecomfortable?”
“Iam,”heansweredwithasmile.“Andas
always,I’mhereforyouinwhatevercapacity
youneedme.”
Hebowedandwalkedaway,sittingdown
nexttoHale,whowhisperedsomethingto
Eanasheapproached.IwatchedEanshake
hisheadinreply.Halelookedunsettled,and
Irealizedwehadn’tspokensinceourdis-
asterofadate.Iwasn’tsureifIwasreadytocrossthatbridgeyet.
Iwalkedovertomysmallgroupofsuitors
allthesame.
227/467
“It’ssogreattoseethequeenback,”Fox
said.
Ibeamed.“Itis.She’llbegivingasmall
updateabouthercondition,therewillbethe
normalnotesfromtheadvisers,thenmy
fatherwillbemakingabigannouncement.
You’reoffthehookfortonight.”
“Thankgoodness.”Kileslumpedbackin
hisseat,grinning.
Ichuckled.“Iknowthefeeling.Sojustsit
thereandlookhandsome.”
“Done,”Eanjoked,athingIhadn’t
thoughthimcapableofdoing.Halelaughed
andHenrismiled,thoughhisexpression
showedmethathedidn’tunderstandwhat
hadhappened.
Istartedwalkingaway,shakingmyhead
asIwent,whenIwascaughtbythelight
brushoffingersacrossmywrist.
“I’msorry,YourHighness,”Eriksaid.“I
waswonderingifIshouldsitwiththe
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audiencesincetherewon’tbeanyquestions
tonight.”
Hisblueeyescaughtthebrightlightsof
thestudio,brilliantandclear.
“AreyouafraidI’lldragyouintothe
middleofthesetifyoudon’thide?”
Hechuckled.“Morethanyouknow.”
“Don’tworry.You’resafe.ButHenriwill
needtounderstandmyfather’sannounce-
ment,sostayclose.”
Henodded.“Iwill.Areyouallright?You
lookalittleonedge.”
“Iam.Verymuch,”Iconfessed.
“AnythingIcandoforyou?”
Iplacedahandonhisshoulder.“Cross
yourfingers.It’sgoingtobeaninteresting
night.”
ItookmyseatnexttoMom,lookingoutat
thesmallcrowd.Josie’sclothingchoice
baffledmeonceagain.Shewascoveredinso
manysequins,onemighthavethoughtshe
wasgoingtobeoncameratonight.Maybe
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thatwasherplan,tobepreparedincaseit
everhappened.
GeneralLegerusuallystood,buttonight
hewasseatednexttoMissLucy,andshe
leanedintohim.Heturnedhisheadslightly
togiveherthegentlestkissalongherhair-
line.Neitherofthemlookedateachotheror
spoke,butIcouldtelltherewassomeword-
lesscommunicationhappening,andthey
bothseemedlostinthemoment.
Icouldhavewatchedthemforhours,butI
gotdistracted.Kadenwavedwildly,holding
twothumbsup,andIsmirked,givinghima
smallwaveinreply.
“Ifhe’sthatexcitedaboutwhat’scoming,
imaginehowexcitedAhrenwillbewhenhe
hears.”Momtuggedathernecklaceagain,
arrangingallherprotectivelayers.
“Yeah,”Iansweredlamely,thinkingthatif
hecouldn’tevencallmetotellmehowhe
was,hemightnotbeexcitedatall.
Thecamerasrolled,andtheshowbegan.
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MomopenedtheReportwithassurancesthatshewasonthemend.“I’mdoingwonderfully,thankstotheworkofourexcellent
doctorsandthecareofmyfamily,”she
promised.Iknewthatthiswastheonlynews
thatwouldmattertotheaudienceuntilour
bigannouncement.Icouldbarelypayatten-
tiontotheupdatesonfundingandinterna-
tionalrelationsmyself;Idoubtedtherestofthecountrycould.
FinallyDadwalkeduptothepodiumin
themiddleofthestage.Staringintothecam-
era,heslowlyexhaled.“Mypeople,”hestar-
ted,butquicklystoppedandturnedtoface
Momandme.Itookherhand,worriedhe
wouldchangehismind.AsscaredasIwasto
takehisplace,backingoutnowwouldfeel
likefailing.
Hegazedatthetwoofusforamoment,
hislipsslowlyformingasmile,thenlooked
backintothecamera.
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“Mybelovedpeople,Icomebeforeyouto-
nighttoaskforyourmercy.Intwentyyears
askingIhavedonemybesttoalleviatethe
warsandissuesthatthreatenedourpeace
forsolong.Wehaveformednewalliances,
gottenridofarchaicsocialpractices,and
doneallwecantogiveyou,theindividual,
thegreatestchanceatpersonalhappiness.
Now,Iprayyouwilldothesameforme.
“Withmywife’srecenthealthscare,Ifind
myselfunabletofocusonmovingourcoun-
tryforward,letalonemaintainingwhatwe
currentlyhave.Assuch,aftermuchthought
anddiscussion,ourfamilyhasdecidedthat
mydaughter,PrincessEadlynSchreave,will
ascendthethrone.”
Hepausedtoletthewordssinkin,andin
thatmomentIheardthemostunexpected
sound:applause.
Ilookedupandsawitwastheboys.They
wereclappingforme.Kilejumpedtohis
feet,thrilledatthenews,andHalejoined
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him,thrustinghisfingersintohismouthto
giveawhistle.AftertheElitewereallstanding,Irealizedthateveryoneinthestudiohadjoinedin.AndnotjustMissMarleeandGeneralLeger,butthemakeupgirlsandthefloorrunnerswhomadesuretheshowwenton
withoutahitch.
Myliptrembledalittle,completelyover-
whelmedbytheirinstantjoy.Itbolsteredmy
confidence.Maybewe’dbeenworriedfor
nothing.
Dad,encouragedbytheresponse,carried
onasthenoisedieddown.“Wearesettling
plansforthecoronationaswespeak,andit
willtakeplacebytheendofnextweek.Hav-
ingworkedsidebysidewiththeprincessfor
thewholeofherlife,Iknowourcountry
couldnotbeinbetterhands.Ialsomusttellyouthatshevolunteeredtotakeonthisrole
early,sothathermotherandImaystepback
fromleadingandenjoysimplybeingahus-
bandandwife,alifewehavenotyetbeen
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privilegedtolead.Ihopeyouwilljoinmeinrejoicingoverthiswonderfulnews.Our
wholefamilythanksyou,ourpeople,for
yourenduringsupport.”
AssoonasDadfinishedspeaking,the
clappingandwhistlingstartedalloveragain.
WepassedeachotherasIwenttothepodi-
um,andwhenheraisedhishandforahigh
five,Icouldn’tnotrespond.Istoppedin
frontofthepodium,feelingathousandbut-
terfliesinmystomach.
“Iwanttothankeveryoneinthepalacefor
theirhelpandguidancesinceIbecamere-
gent,andletallIlléaknowhowdelightedI
amtoascendthethrone.Icannotbeginto
expresswhatjoyitbringsmetobeabletodothisformyparents.”Thatwastruerthan
anythingIknew.Allthenervesintheworld
couldn’tdampenit.“AndasIstepintothe
positionofqueen,thatmeansthatoneof
thesegentlemenbackherewon’tsimplybea
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prince.Hewillimmediatelybecomeaprince
consort.”
Ilookedovermyshoulderatthem,and
whilesome,likeFoxandKile,seemedecstat-
ic,Halewasfrowning.Sotheothernight
wasn’tjustafluke.Hewashavinggenuine
doubts.Whathadhappened?HowhadIlost
him?
“Myupcomingcoronationwillbeoneof
thebiggestcelebrationsthepalacehasever
seen.PleasegotoyourProvincialServices
Officeforinformation,asonefamilyfrom
eachprovincewillbeinvitedtothepalace,
allexpensespaid,toenjoythefestivities.”
Thathadbeenmyidea,oneIfeltsureMarid
wouldappreciate.“And,ofcourse,weappre-
ciateyoursupportofourfamilythroughthis
transitionalperiod.Wethankyou,Illéa.
Goodnight!”
IwentovertoMomandDadthesecond
thecameraswentdown.“Canyoubelieve
that?”
235/467
“Itwentsowell!”Momsaid.“Theboys
clapping,startingitallthemselves.Itwassoorganic,andIknowthathadtoencourage
peopleathome.”
“It’sagoodsign,”Dadagreed.“AndIthink
theelementofyourchosenhusbandimme-
diatelybecomingaprinceconsortdefinitely
addssomethingtothisSelection.”
“Asifitwasn’tcrazyenough.”Isighedand
smiled,feelingtoohappytocarethatthis
wasallcompletemadness.
Dadkissedmyforehead.“Youwerewon-
derful.Now,doyouneedsomerest?”he
asked,turningtoMom.
“I’mfine.”Sherolledhereyesasthey
headedoffthestage.
“Areyousure?Wecouldhavedinner
broughtuptoourroom.”
“Sohelpme,ifyoudothat,Iwillthrowit
atyou.”
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Ilaughed.Itwasmakingmoreandmore
sensethattheyfoughtthroughtheirwhole
Selectionprocess.
NowIjustneededtogetthroughmine.
IRANDOWNTOBREAKFASTthenextmorning,
grippingthepaperinmyhand.Ibuzzedpast
theguardsandtheElite,plunkingitdownin
frontofMomandDad.
“Look,”Iurged,pointingtotheheadline.
WhatDoTheyKnowThatWeDon’t?it
read,thephotobeneathitashotoftheboys
allstandingandcheeringontheReport.
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Dadpickedupthepaper,poppedonhis
glasses,andreadthearticlealoud,though
notprojectinghisvoicefortheroomtohear.
“‘WhenyouthinkofPrincessEadlynSch-
reave,thefirstwordsthatcometomind
mightnotbecongenial,enthusiastic,orbeloved.Shecertainlyhasclassandbeauty,andwhilenoonecouldargueherintellect,
onemighthavecausetoquestionother
traits,suchasherdevotiontoherpeople.Sowehavetoask,whatisitthattheseyoung
men—indeed,theseSonsofIlléa—know
aboutherthatwehavemissed?’”
Momlookedupatme,smiling.
“‘Whenthefiveremaininggentlemenin
theSelectioninstantlyrosetotheirfeetandapplaudedattheannouncementoftheprincess’sascent,Iwilladmit,thatwasnotthisreporter’sinitialreaction.Iwasworried.
She’syoung.She’sdistant.She’snotintouchwithherpeople.
239/467
“‘Butiftheseboys,allbutoneofthem
strangerstoherupuntilrecently,immedi-
atelydecidetocelebrate,thentheremustbe
moretoourupcomingqueenthanapretty
face.RecentlytheElitespokeofherbeing
considerateandengaging.Arethesequalities
she’shadallalongthatmerelyhaven’tbeen
easytotranslateonscreen?Issheagenuine
leader,preparedtosacrificeforherpeople?
“‘Thenatureofherrisetothecrownwould
suggesttheanswerisyes.Thekingand
queenarestillyoung.Theyarestillphysic-
allyandmentallyabletocontinuetheir
reign.Toseetheprincesstakeoverearlyso
thattheycanenjoytheirtimetogetherasa
marriedcoupleshowsnotonlyherlovefor
herfamily,buthercommitmenttoher
work.’”
IcouldseeMom’seyeswellingwithtears
now.
“‘Onlytimewilltelliftheseassumptions
provetrue,butIcansaythatmyfaithinthe
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crown
has
been—at
least
temporar-
ily—restored.’”
“Oh,honey,”Momexclaimed.
Dadpassedthenewspaperbacktome.
“Eady,thisisgreat.”
“It’sthemostencouragingthingtohappen
publiclyforalongtime,”Iagreedwithacontentedsigh.“I’mtryingnottogetmyhopes
uptoohigh,butitmakesgoingtoworktoday
thatmucheasier.”
“Ihopeyou’replanningtotakeiteasythis
morning.”Momgavemeapointedlook.“I
don’twantyougettingburnedoutbeforeyou
evenstart.”
“I’dtellyouIhaveasimplemorning
planned,butit’dbealie,”Iadmitted.“I’m
offtoaFinnishlessonrightnow.Doyou
haveanyideahowdifficultitistocountin
Finnish?”
Dadsippedhiscoffee.“I’velistenedtoit
foryears.Iapplaudyoufortrying.”
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“Henri’sverysweet,”Momcommented.
“NotthedirectionIwasexpectingyoutogo
in,buthe’llcertainlymakeyousmile.”
“Pfft.”Dadturnedtoher.“Whatdoyouknowaboutpickinghusbands?Lasttimeyou
triedthat,yougotstuckwithme.”
Shesmiledandhithisarm.
“Youtwoaresogross,youruin
everything.”Ispunandheadedtowardthe
door.
“Haveagreatday,honey,”Momcalled
afterme,andIraisedahandinacknowledg-
mentbeforepausingbyHenri.
“Umm.Lähteä?”
Hebeamed.“Yes!Good,good!”He
droppedhisnapkinbyhisplateandtookmy
arm.
“Waitup!”Foxcalled,andKilewasright
behindhim.“I’mlookingforwardtothis.I
thinkIdidprettywelllasttime.”
“Erik’ssuchanencouragingteacher.
Thoughyoucouldjustbestringingtogether
242/467
randomsounds,he’dtellyou‘nicetry,’”Kilesaidwithalaugh.
Inodded.“Maybeit’saSwendishthing?
PoorHenriwasstuckhelpingmelasttime,
andhehadtograbmyfacebecauseIwas
makingtheshapeswrong.”Imimickedthe
action,andHenricaughton,smilingatus.
“Butwashebothered?Nope.”
AsecondafterIbroughtitup,Ire-
memberedthatHenriandImighthavebeen
onthevergeofakissinthatmoment.And
whileIwasrelievedtoseeneitherofthem
seemedtohavenoticedit,IwasstruckbythefactthatIhadn’tthoughtaboutthatalmost
kissatall.
Whenwegottothelibrary,Erikwas
alreadyinthere,writingontheboard.
“Goodmorning,Professor,”Igreeted,
walkingoverhim.
“YourHighness.OrdowesayMajesty,
now?”
243/467
“Notyet!”Iexclaimed.“Justthinking
aboutthatgivesmetheshivers.”
“Well,I’mthrilledforyou.Weallare.I
mean,theyallare,”hecorrected,noddingtowardtheElite,includingHaleandEan,who
werewalkinginbehindeveryone.“Ididn’t
intendtolumpmyselfinwiththem.Ijustgettoseeeveryone’sreactionsupclose.”
“Don’tbesilly.You’repartofthegang.”I
laughed,lookingaroundtheroom.“Some-
timesthisfeelsmorelikeaweirdlittleclubthanacompetition.”
“You’reright.Butthatdoesn’tchangethe
factthatitis.”
Hissombertonedrewmyeyesbacktohis
face,thoughhewasavoidingmygaze.In-
steadhepickedupahandfulofpapersand
gavethemtome.
“AndhowluckyamItobeabletosayIgot
tohelpthenewqueenlearnFinnish?”His
eyesglowedwithpride.
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Ipeekedoverattheothers,watchingthem
chooseseats,andsteppedalittlecloserto
keepmywordsbetweenthetwoofus.
“I’llmissyou,too,youknow.Whenit’sall
over.Youmeanasmuchastheothers.More
thansome.”
Heshookhishead.“Youshouldn’tsay
that.I’mnotlikethem.”
“Youareexactlylikethem.Ascommon
andaselevated,Eikko.”
Hestilledatthesoundofhisgivenname,
and,justbarely,thecornersofhislips
hitchedupintoasmile.
“Hey,Eady,”Kilecalled.“Wanttobemy
partner?”
“Sure.”Iwalkedovertohim,andErik
followed.
“We’llspendafewminutesgoingover
whatwelearnedlastweek,”Erikbegan.
“Thenwe’llmoveontosomebasicconversa-
tionalquestionsandanswers.Iknowafew
ofyouwerestudyingotherthings,andI’m
245/467
happytohelpwithanyofthat,too.Fornow,
let’sgobacktothenumbers.”
“Okay,herewego.Yksi,kaksi,kolme,neljä,viisi,”Kilerecitedproudly.
“Howdoyoudothat?I’msojealous.”
“Practice.What,youdon’thaveaspare
hourtodevotetocountinginFinnish?”
Ilaughed.“I’mtakingshowersatabreak-
neckspeedthesedays.Imissmytime.But
it’llbeworthit,gettingMomandDada
chancetobreathe.”
“IfeelweirdsayingI’mproudofyou,butI
am.”Hetriedtosuppresshisgrinandfailed.
“It’slikethisletsmeknowthatI’mnotfallingforsomefigmentofmyimagination,that
you’rereallyassmartandselflessandde-
terminedasI’vestartedthinkingyouare.”
“AsopposedtoEadlyncircathistimelast
year?”Isaidslyly.
“Don’tgetmewrong,shewasafungirl.
Knewhowtoparty,knewhowtolightupa
room.Thisgirldoesthatandahundred
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thingsmore.AndIlikeher.Butyoualready
knowthat.”
“Ilikeyou,too,”Iwhispered.Icaught
sightofErikoutofthecornerofmyeyeand
turnedbacktothepaper.“Eightandnine
tripmeupbecausethey’resimilarbutreally
differentatthesametime.”
“Okay.Let’slookatthoseagainthen.”
Erikwalkedaway,andIfeltguiltyfor
wastingthisclasstimewhenitwas
somethingIgenuinelywantedtolearn.
“Speakingoflikingyou,I’msorryIhaven’t
beenabletomakemuchtime.”
Kileshrugged.“Don’tworryaboutme,
Eady.I’mstillhere.”Withthathepointedtothepaperinfrontofme,forcingmetofocus
onthesyllables.Iwatchedhimexaggerate
theshapesofthewordswithhismouth,all
thewhilefeelinggratefulforlanguageand
timeandeverythingwaitingonmyhorizon.
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IpushedopentheofficedoortofindLady
Briceonthephone.Shewavedatmeasshe
continuedspeaking.
“Yes…yes…oneweekfromtoday.Thank
you!”Sheplunkeddownthereceiver.“Sorry.
Yourdeskisthebiggest,andwiththecoron-
ationinaweek,there’salottotakecareof.
Flowersareready,thechurchisbooked,we
havethreedesignersworkingondressop-
tions;andifyouwantNeenatooverseeany
ofthat,I’msureshe’dbethrilled.”
Istaredatthepilesoffoldersshe’dsetout.
“Didyoudoallthisinaday?”
“Moreorless.”
Imadeafaceather,andshegrinnedbe-
foreconfessingthetruth.
“Ihadafeelingitwascoming,soIhada
fewthingshammeredoutjustincase.”
Ishookmyhead.“Youknowmebetter
thanIknowmyself.”
“Partofthejob.Sidenote,”shesaid.“IgotacallthismorningfromMarid.Hethanked
248/467
youforhisfamily’sinvitationtothecorona-
tionbutwasn’tsurehisparentswouldbe
completelywelcome.”
“IspokewithDad.Heknewthat,right?”
“Hedid.”
Isighed.“ButMarid’scoming?”
“Yes.Andoncethishasallpassedand
you’resettledinasqueen,youcankeep
reachingouttothemifyouwant.”
Inodded.“Ifthat’sabridgethatcanbe
mended,Iwantitdone.”
“Thatseemsverywise.”
Itookadeepbreath,baskinginthepraise.
I’dneedtokeepthekindwordsIreceived
closetome,likearmor,ifIwasgoingto
survive.
“I’mreadytowork.Hitmewithit.”
“Actually,Ithinkthebestuseofyourtime
mightbetospeakwithsomeoftheElite,or
goonadateorsomething.”
“Iwasjustwiththem,”Iprotested.
“They’reallfine.”
249/467
“Imeanmoreintheone-on-onesense.
Besidesthecoronationdetails,whichyou
shouldn’tevenbebotheredwith,there’s
nothingthatcan’twaituntilMonday.Your
professionallifeismovingforward,andyou
weretheonewhosaidthatitwenthandin
handwithyourprivatelife.”Sheraisedher
eyebrowsatme.
“Okay.”
“Whysoglum?IfIremembercorrectly,
youthinkallfiveofthemarefront-runners.”
“It’scomplicated.TheoneImostneedto
talktomightnotevenwanttospeaktome.”
Isighed.“Wishmeluck.”
“Youdon’tneedit.”
ISATINMYROOM,waitingforHaletoarrive.Iwantedtohavethisconversationinaplace
thatwasintimateandcomfortable.My
palmsweresweating,andIrealizedrather
abruptlyIwasgettingdowntotheboysI
reallydidn’twanttosendhome.Iknewonly
onewouldstayintheend,butIalmost
wishedtheotherscouldcallthepalacehome,
too,ormaybepromisetovisitonholidays.
251/467
Isnappedmyheadupattheknockonthe
doorandwenttoansweritmyself.Ididn’t
wantEloisearoundforthis.
Halebowed.“YourHighness.”
“Comein.Areyouhungry?Thirsty?”
“No,I’mgood.”Herubbedhishandsto-
gether,lookingasnervousasIwas.
Isatatthetable,andhejoinedme.
WhenIcouldn’tbearthesilenceany
longer,Ispoke.“Ineedyoutotellmewhat’sgoingon.”
Heswallowed.“AndIwanttotellyou.But
Idon’tknowwhatI’lldoifyouenduphatingmebecauseofit.”
Despitethewarmth,Ifeltachill.“Why
wouldIhateyou,Hale?Whatdidyoudo?”
“It’snotsomethingIdid.It’ssomethingI
can’tdo.”
“Whichis?”
“Marryyou.”
252/467
ThoughI’dbeenexpectingasmuch,
thoughmyhearthadneverreally,fullybeen
his,itwasstillapainfulblow.
“What—”Ihadtostopandbreathe.This
wasmyworstfearcomingtolife.Iwasun-
lovable.Iknewit.Allithadtakenwasafewweeksbymysideforhimtofigureitout.
“Whatsuddenlymadeyousocertainyou
couldn’tmarryme?”
Hepaused,lookingpained,andItook
someconsolationinthefactthathedidn’t
seemtowanttohurtme.“WhenIfoundIhadfeelingsforsomeoneelse.”
Atleastthatwaseasiertohandlethanmy
initialworry.“Carrie?”
Heshookhishead.“Ean.”
Iwasdriventoabsolutesilence.Ean?Like,
EanEan?
Ididn’tseethatcoming.Halehadbeenso
tender,soromantic.Butinstantlyeverything
aboutEanbecameclear.
253/467
Whenthecasteshadbeeninplace,itwas
lawthateveryfamilyfellintothecasteofthehusband.Becauseofthat,there
couldonly
everbeonemaleheadofthehousehold.The
samewentforwomen:nomarriedcouple,
nolegitimatehousehold.Somepeoplelived
togetherwithoutbotheringwithmarriage,
callingtheirloversroommates,butitwas
frownedon.Momtoldmeaboutasame-sex
couplebackinCarolinawho’dbeenshunned
tothepointthattheyweredrivenoutof
town.
I’dnevercaredforthatstory.Itsoundedto
melikewaytoomanypeoplehadithard
whenshewasgrowingup.Whywouldany-
onegooutoftheirwaytomakesomeone’s
lifeanyharder?
Regardless,same-sexcouplestendedto
liveintheshadows,ontheoutskirtsofsoci-
ety,andunfortunatelythatwasstillthecasetoday.ThismadeEan’sacceptanceofnot
254/467
findingloveinhislifemuchmore
understandable.
ButHale?
“How…howdidyoueven…?”
“WestartedtalkingonenightintheMen’s
Parlor.Ihadn’tbeenabletosleepandde-
cidedtogotheretoread.Ifoundhimwritinginhisjournal.”Halesmiledtohimself.“You
wouldn’tthinkittolookathim,buthe’sac-
tuallyverypoetic.
“Anyway,wejusttalked.And,Idon’tknow
howweevengottothepointwherewewere
sittingbesideeachother,butthenhekissed
me,and…IknewwhyIneverhadacrushon
Carrie.Iknewwhy,eventhoughyouarethe
smartest,funniest,bravestgirlIknow,I
couldn’tmarryyou.”
Iclosedmyeyes,takingthisin.AndIfelt
absolutelyhorrified,becauseallthatcametomymindwashowbadlythismightaffectme.
ForgetthatHalewasgoingtohavetoexplain
thisdiscoveryabouthimselftohisfamily,
255/467
forgetthatEanmightfinallybeforcedto
comeclean.Whatwouldthepresssaywhen
theyeventuallylearnedthatnotonebuttwo
ofmysuitorswouldratherbewitheachoth-
erthanwithme?
SometimesIwasareallyterribleperson.
“IknowthataSelectedbeinginarelation-
shipwithsomeoneelseistreason,”Hale
breathed.Iraisedmyeyes,havingforgotten
thatdetail.“ButIalsoknowthatashort,
honestlifeisbetterthanalong,deceitful
one.”
“Hale,”Iurged,leaningacrossthetableto
takehishand.“WhatmakesyouthinkI
couldevenpunishyou?”
“Iknowtherules.”
Isighed.“Weliveourlivesboundbythem,
don’twe?”
Henodded.
“PerhapsyouandIcouldmakeadeal?”
“Whatkindofdeal?”
256/467
Ipulledmyhandsback,rubbingthemto-
gether.“Ifyouwoulddomethefavorofstay-
inguntilafterthecoronationandlettingme
dismissyouandEanafewweeks,ormaybe
evendays,apart,thenIwillallowyouto
leavethepalacewithoutanysortof
repercussions.”
Hestaredatme.“Really?”
“Iadmit,I’mworriedaboutthefallout
fromallthis.Butifitlookslikeyoutwofellforeachotherafteryouwereeliminated,
thennoonecouldaccuseyouoftreason.
And,I’msorry,butifthepressfoundout,
they’dtearmeapartoverthis.”
“Ireallydidn’twanttomakethingsharder
foryou.I’mnotinlovewithyou,butIlove
youenoughtotellyouthetruth.”
Standing,Ibridgedthespacebetweenus.
Hestood,too,andIflungmyarmsaround
him,restingmyheadonhisshoulder.“I
know.AndIloveyou,too.Iwouldn’twish
257/467
youalifetimeshackledtomewhenitwould
makeyoumiserable.”
“IsthereanythingIcandoforyou?Leav-
ingherewithyourblessingwasmorethanI
hopedfor.HowcanIhelpyou?”
Isteppedback.“Justbeanexemplary
Selectioncandidateforafewmoredays.I
realizethat’saskingalot,butgettingmepastthecoronationwouldmeantheworldto
me.”
“It’snotaskingalot,Eadlyn.It’shardly
askinganything.”
Iputahandonhischeek.Something
everyday.
“So,ishetheoneorwhat?”
Halelaughed,therelieffinallyhittinghim.
“Idon’tknow.Imean,I’veneverfeltlikethisbefore.”
Inodded.“SinceheandIdon’ttalkmuch,
maybeyou’dliketotellhimhowyourelim-
inationswillwork?He’llprobablygohome
258/467
beforeyou,sincepubliclyhelookedlikea
lesslikelycandidate.”
Sayingthatoutloudcausedalittlepingin
mychest,too.Eanhadbeenasafetynet;and
still,knowingthetruth,Ididn’trelishthe
ideaofhimgoinghome.
“Thankyou.Forallofthis.”
“Don’tmentionit.”
Halesweptinandhuggedmeagainbefore
runningoff.Ismiled,thinkingthatHaleand
Iwereinverysimilarsituations:charging
headlongintothefuturewithnoguarantee
ofahappilyeverafter.Allthesame,itmeantsomethingthatweran,didn’tit?
Ilikedtothinkso.
Thedayhadgonefromwonderfultocom-
plicatedveryquickly,andbytheendofitI
wasreadytobypassdinnerandfallstraight
intobed.Ipushedmydooropen,tryingto
holdontothebestpartsoftheday.Lady
BricesayingIwaswise.Thepressfeeling
259/467
hopeful.Hale’ssmilebeforeheranoutoftheroom.
“Youknow,”adeepvoicesaid,“IthinkI
mightbeyourmaid’sfavorite.”
Kilewasloungingonmybed,hisarms
comfortablycrossedbehindhishead.
Ilaughed.“Andwhyisthat?”
“Becauseshewasfartooeasytobribe.”
“Theleastyoucouldhavedonewastake
offyourshoes.”
Hemadeafaceandslippedthemoff,then
pattedthespaceonthebedbesidehim.
Ifloppeddown,lookingincrediblyunlady-
like.Herolledover,facingme,andIcaught
aglimpseofhisfingers.“Whatintheworld
haveyoubeendoingtoday?”
“Ispenttheafternoonsketchingwithchar-
coals,”heanswered,flippinghisblackened
handsover.“Don’tworry.Theywon’truboff
onyoursheets.Myfingersarejuststained.”
“What’dyoudreamup?”
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“Irealizethismightbeoverstepping
boundaries,butIwasthinkingaboutthe
townhall,andIwaswonderingifitmightbe
helpfultohavethingslikethatmoreoften.Iwasredesigningoneoftheparlorsintoapermanentthroneroom,whereyoucouldre-
ceivepeople,hearindividualpetitions,and
addressthemone-on-one.Somethingofficial
butunderstated.”
“That’sreallythoughtful.”
Heshrugged.“Itoldyou,Ikeepmaking
thingsforyou.”
Theglimmerinhiseyeswassoboyishthat
foramomentIforgotwewereontheverge
ofsomanygrown-upthings.
“Youalsomightwanttothinkaboutset-
tinguparadiostation,”hecommented.
“Ugh,why?TheReportsarebadenough.”
“WhenIwastakingclassesinFennley,my
friendsandIlistenedtotheradioalot.We
wouldleaveitoninthekitchenorwhilewe
worked,andanytimeweheardsomething
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interesting,we’dstopandlistenandstart
ourowndiscussion.Itmightbeagoodway
foryoutoreachpeople.Andit’snotquiteasbadashavingacamerainyourface.”
“Interesting.I’llthinkaboutit.”Itouched
thetipsofhisdirtyfingers.“Didyouworkonanythingelse?”
Hemadeaface.“Rememberthoselittle
unitsIwastalkingabout?Iwastryingtoseeiftheycouldbebuiltwithanupstairs,for
largerfamilies.ButlookingatthematerialsIwantedtouse,itdoesn’tseempossible.The
metalwouldbetoothin.Itwouldbehelpful
ifIcouldactuallybuildoneandtestitout.
Maybeoneday.”
Istaredathim.“Youknow,Kile,princes
rarelygettheirhandsdirty.”
“Iknow.”Hesmiled.“It’smoresomething
nicetothinkaboutthananything.”Heshif-
tedhisweightandtheconversationinone
swiftmovement.“Thepaperslookedgood
today.”
262/467
“Yeah.NowIjusthavetokeepthatmo-
mentumgoing.Ihavenoideahowtore-cre-
ateitthough.”
“Youdon’thaveto.Sometimesthingsjust
happen.”
“Itwouldfeelnicetonottrytoworkatitallsomuch.”Iyawned.Evenamostlygood
daywastiring.
“Doyouwantmetogosothatyoucanget
somerest?”
“Nah,”Isaid,settlinginalittlecloserandrollingontomyback.“Canyoustayherefor
alittlewhile?”
“Sure.”
Heheldmyhand,andwestaredatthein-
tricatepaintingonmyceiling.
“Eadlyn?”
“Yeah.”
“Youokay?”
“Yeah.IfeellikeI’dbedoingbetterifI
couldgoslower,buteverythinghastobe
now,now,now.”
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“Youcouldpushthecoronationback.Stay
regentforawhile.It’spracticallythesame
thing.”
“Iknow,butitdoesn’tfeelthesame.My
dadwasdoingokaywithmeasregent,but
evenintheshorttimesincewesetadateforthecoronation,he’sbeenmuchbetter.I
knowit’sallmental,butifithelpshimsleep,whichhelpshimwithMom,whichhelpsher
getbetter…”
“Iseewhatyou’resaying.Butwhatelse?
You’renotrushingthroughtheSelection,are
you?”
“Notonpurpose.Itseemstobethinning
itselfoutforme.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
Isighed.“Ican’treallysaynow.Maybe
onceeverything’ssettled.”
“Youcantrustme.”
“Iknow.”Ileanedmyheadintohis
shoulder.“Kile?”
“Yeah.”
264/467
“Doyourememberourfirstkiss?”
“HowcouldIforget?Itwasprintedonthe
frontofeverynewspaper.”
“No,notthatone.Ourfirstfirstkiss.”
Afterabeatofconfusion,hesuckedina
hugebreath.“Oh.My.Gosh.”
Ijustlaytherelaughing.
WhenIwasfourandKilewassix,heandI
playedtogetheralot.Istilldidn’trememberwhatmadehimstarthatingpalacelifeor
whenourmutualdislikeforeachother
kickedin,butbackthenKilewaslikeanoth-
erAhren.Onedaythethreeofuswere
playinghide-and-seek,andKilefoundme.
Insteadoftaggingmeout,though,hebent
downandkissedmefullonthemouth.
Istoodupandpushedhimtotheground
andsworetohimthatifheevertriedit
again,I’dhavehimhanged.
“What
four-year-old
knows
how
to
threatensomeone’slife?”heteased.
“Onewhowasraisedto,Isuppose.”
265/467
“Wait,isthisyourwayoftellingmeyou’re
havingmehanged?Because,ifso,thisisin-
crediblycold.”
“No.”Ilaughed.“Ifeltyoudeservedan
apologybynow.”
“It’sfine.Reallyfunnyyearslater.When
peopleaskaboutmyfirstkiss,Ineversay
thatone.Itellthemitwasthedaughterof
theSaudiprimeminister.Iguessthatone
wasactuallymysecond.”
“Whydon’tyoutellthemaboutme?”
“BecauseIthoughtyoumightfollow
throughonthehangingthing,”hejoked.“I
guessIjustblockeditout.Itwasn’texactlyafantasticfirstkiss.”
Istartedgiggling.“Momtoldmethatshe
wasDad’sfirstkiss,andsheprettymuch
triedtobackoutofit.”
“Really?!”
“Yeah.”
Kilelaughed.“Doyouknowabout
Ahren’s?”
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“No.”ButKilewassotickled,Iwasintears
beforehesaidaword.
“ItwaswithoneoftheItaliangirls,buthe
hadacoldand—”Hepausedbecausehewas
laughingsohard.“Oh,man,hehadtosneeze
mid-kiss,sotherewassnoteverywhere.”
“What?”
“Ididn’tseethekiss,butIwastherefor
theaftermath.Ijustgrabbedhim,andwe
ran.”
Mystomachhurtfromlaughing,andit
tookawhileforittowearoutofoursystems.
Whenwefinallycalmeddown,Irealized
something.“Idon’tknowanyonewho’shad
areallygoodfirstkiss.”
Afterasecondheanswered.“Meneither.
Maybeit’snotthefirstkissesthataresup-
posedtobespecial.Maybeit’sthelastones.”
ISTOODSTILLASNEENAplacedpinsdownthe
backofmycoronationgown.Itwasa
showstopper,withasweetheartnecklineand
afullskirtallingold.Thecapewasalittleheavy,butIonlyhadtowearthatinthe
church.WhileIhadchosenthisgownoutof
thethreethathadbeenofferedtome,it
probablywasn’twhatI’dhavewornifI’dhad
timetodesignthedressmyself.Still,
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everyonesighedwhentheysawit,soIbitmy
tongueandwasgrateful.
“Youlookbeautiful,darling,”Momsaidas
Istoodonaraisedplatforminfrontofhuge
mirrorsthathadbeenbroughttomyroom
especiallyforthisfitting.
“Thanks,Mom.Howdoyouthinkitcom-
pareswithyours?”
Shechuckled.“Mycoronationdresswas
alsomyweddingdress,sothere’snocom-
parison.Yourgownisperfectforthe
occasion.”
NeenachuckledasItouchedtheembroid-
eryonthebodice.“It’sdefinitelythemostos-tentatiousdressI’veeverworn.”
“Andjustthink,you’llhavetoone-up
yourselfwhenyougetmarried,”Neena
joked.
Mysmilefaded.“True.That’llbeachal-
lenge,huh?”
“Youokay?”sheasked,lookingatmein
themirror.
269/467
“Yes.Alittletiredisall.”
“Idon’tcarewhatelsehappensthisweek,
youneedtorest,”Momordered.“Saturdayis
goingtobelong,andyou’llbeatthecenter
ofitall.”
“Yes,ma’am.”Iwatchedherfiddlingwith
hernecklace.“Mom?Whatdoyouthinkyou
wouldhavedoneifyoucouldn’thavemar-
riedDad?Like,ifitgottotheendandhe
chosesomeoneelse?”
Sheshookherhead.“Heverynearlydid.
Youknowaboutthemassacre.”Sheswal-
lowed,pausingforaminute.Afterallthis
timeitwasstillhardforhertogobackthere.
“Thatdayhemighthavegonedownanen-
tirelydifferentpath,whichmeantIwould
have,too.”
“Wouldyouhavebeenokaythough?”
“Eventually,”shesaidslowly.“Idon’t
thinkeitherofuswouldhavelivedalifethatwasbadnecessarily.Itjustmightnothave
beenthebestitcouldhavebeen.”
270/467
“Butyouwouldn’thavebeencompletely
miserabletherestofyourlife?”
Shestudiedmyfaceinthemirror.“If
you’reworriedaboutlettingyoursuitors
down,youcan’tfocusonthat.”
Ipressedmyhandstomystomach,hold-
ingthedresstightasNeenaworked.“Iknow.
It’sjustharderthanIthoughtitwouldbebythispoint.”
“It’llbecomeclear.Trustme.Andyour
fatherandIwillsupportyouinwhatever
choiceyoumake.”
“Thankyou.”
“Ithinkthisisfinallycomingtogether,”
Neenacommented,steppingbacktoap-
praiseherwork.“Ifyou’rehappy,youcan
takeitoff,andI’llhavethecouriersenditbacktoAllmond.”
Momnibbledonsomeappleslices.“I
don’tunderstandwhyhewouldn’tletyoudo
thesewing.Hetrustsyoutofitit.”
Sheshrugged.“Ijustfolloworders.”
271/467
Aquietknockonthedoordrewouratten-
tion.“Comein,”Neenacalled,fallinginto
heroldrole.Iwishedshecouldjustrunmy
entirelifeforme.Everythingfelteasierwithheraround.
Abutlerenteredandbowed.“Pardonme,
YourHighness.There’ssomeconfusion
aboutthesuitforoneofthegentlemen.”
“Whichone?”
“Erik,miss.”
“Thetranslator?”Momasked.
“Yes,YourMajesty.”
“I’mcoming,”Isaid,followinghimoutthe
door.
“Don’tyouwanttotakeoffthegown?”
Neenaasked.
“It’llgivemeachancetopracticewalking
init.”
Anditdid.Itwasincrediblyheavy,anda
littlehardtonavigatedownthestairs.I’d
needsturdierheels.
272/467
AsIapproachedErik’sroom,Icouldhear
himimploringsomeonetoreconsider.“Iam
notanElite.Itwouldbeinappropriate.”
Ipushedthedooropenwider,findinghim
inasuitwithchalklinesdownthesidesand
pinsinthehem.
“YourHighness,”thetailorsaid,immedi-
atelydroppingintoabow.
Erik,however,staredandstared,unableto
lookawayfromthedress.
“We’rehavingaproblemcomingtoterms
withhissuit,miss.”Thetailormotionedto
thechalked-upsuit.
Erikregainedhiscomposure.“Idon’twant
toconfuseanyonebywearingasuitthat
matcheswhattheElitearewearing.”
“Butyouwillbewalkingintheprocession,
andtherewillbescoresofpictures,”thetail-orinsisted.“Uniformityisbest.”
Eriklookedatme,hiseyespleading.
Ipressedmyfingerstomylips,consider-
ing.“Couldyougiveusamoment,please?”
273/467
Thetailorbowedagainandexited,andI
crossedtostandinfrontofErik.
“Itdoeslookrathersharp,”Isaidwitha
grin.
“Itdoes,”headmitted.“I’mjustnotsure
it’sproper.”
“What?Tolookniceforaday?”
“I’mnotanElite.It’s…confusingtohave
mestandingwiththem,lookinglikethem,
whenIcan’t…I’mnot…”
Iputahandonhischest.“Thetailoris
right.Youwillwanttoblendin.Adifferent
colorofsuitwouldn’thelpyourcasehere.”
Hesighed.“ButI’m—”
“Whatifyourtiewasaslightlydifferent
color?”Iofferedquickly.
“Isthatmyonlyoption?”
“Yes.Besides,thinkofhowmuchyour
motherwilllovethis.”
Herolledhiseyes.“That’ssounfair.You
win.”
274/467
Iclappedmyhands.“See?Thatwasn’tso
hard.”
“Ofcourseitwaseasyforyou.Youwere
theonegivingthecommand.”
“Ididn’tmeantocommandyou,not
really.”
Hesmirked.“Ofcourseyoudid.You’re
madeforit.”
Icouldn’ttellifthatwasacritiqueora
compliment.“Whatdoyouthink?”Iasked,
holdingoutmyarms.“Imean,youhaveto
trytoimagineitwithoutallthepins.”
Hepaused.“Youlookbreathtaking,
Eadlyn.Icouldn’tevenrememberwhatIwas
soworkedupaboutwhenyoufirstwalked
in.”
Ifoughttheblush.“I’vebeenwonderingif
itwastoomuch.”
“It’sperfect.Icanseeit’salittledifferentfromyourusualstyle,butthenagain,your
typicallookisn’tmeanttobecoronation-day
ready.”
275/467
Iturnedaroundandlookedinthemirror.
Thatonesentencemadethewholethingso
muchbetter.
“Thankyou.IthinkI’vebeenoveranalyz-
ingit.”
Hestoodbesideme.Itwascomical,these
beautifulclothes,someofthebestwe’dever
wear,markedinchalkandheldbypins.We
lookedlikedolls.“Thatseemstobeatalent
ofyours.”
Igrimacedbutnodded.Hewasright.
“IrealizeI’minnopositiontotellyou
whattodo,”hesaid,“butyouseemtohandle
thingsmuchbetterwhenyouthinkabout
themless.Getoutofyourhead.Trustyour
gut.Trustyourheart.”
“I’mterrifiedofmyheart.”Ididn’tmean
tosaythosewordsoutloud,buttherewas
somethingabouthimthatmadethisroom,
andthismoment,theonlyplaceIcouldever
admittothetruth.
276/467
Heleaneddownbymyearandwhispered,
“There’snothingtheretofear.”Hecleared
histhroat,thenturnedbacktofaceourre-
flections.“Maybewhatyouneedisalittle
luck.Youseethisring?”heasked,holding
outhispinkie.
Idid.I’dnoticeditadozentimes.Why
wouldsomeonewhodulledhimselfdown
andrefusedtoputonasuitwearapieceof
jewelry?
“Thiswasmygreat-great-grandmother’s
weddingring.Theweavingdesignisatradi-
tionalSwendishthing.Youseeiteverywhere
inSwendway.”Heslippedofftheringand
helditbetweentwofingers.“Thishassur-
vivedeverythingfromwarstofamine,even
myfamily’smovetoIlléa.I’msupposedto
giveittothegirlImarry.Mom’sorders.”
Ismiled,charmedbyhisexcitement.I
wonderediftherewassomeonebackhome
hopingtowearitsomeday.
277/467
“Butitseemstohavealotofgoodluck,”
hecontinued.“Ithinkyoucouldusesome
rightnow.”
Heheldouttheringtome,butIshookmy
head.“Ican’ttakethat!It’sanheirloom.”
“Yes,butit’saveryfortunateheirloom.It’sguidedseveralpeopletotheirsoulmates.
Andit’sonlytemporary.Untilyougettothe
endoftheSelection,orHenriandIleave.
Whicheverhappensfirst.”
Hesitantly,Islidtheringontomyfinger,
notinghowsmoothitwas.
“Thankyou,Erik.”
Ilookedintohisblueeyes.Itonlytookone
chargedsecondtoheartheheartthatI’dhad
solittlefaithin.Itwastakinginthatpiercingstareandthewarmscentofhisskin…andit
wasshouting.
Withoutconsideringtherepercussionsor
thecomplications,withoutknowingifhefelt
anythingsimilartowhatIdid,Ileanedinto
him.AndIwasthrilledtofindhewasn’t
278/467
pullingaway.WeweresocloseIcouldfeel
hisbreathacrossmylips.
“Havewemadeadecision?”thetailor
asked,springingbackin.
IjerkedawayfromErik.“Yes.Pleasefinish
thesuitforus,sir.”
Withoutlookingback,Ihurriedintothe
hallway.MyheartwasracingasIfoundan
emptyguestroomanddartedinside,slam-
mingthedoorbehindme.
Ihadfeltitgrowing,thisfeelingthathad
beenhidingbeneaththesurfaceforsome
timenow.I’dseenhim,thispersonwhonev-
erintendedtobeseen,andmyfaulty,silly,
uselessheartkeptwhisperinghisname.I
clutchedmychest,feelingmyheartracing.
“Youtreacherous,treacherousthing.What
haveyoudone?”
I’dwonderedhowitwaspossibletomagic-
allyfindasoulmateinarandomgroupof
boys.
ButnowIcouldn’tquestionit.
THENEXTFEWDAYSPASSEDinawhirlwindof
preparationforthecoronation.Ididmyab-
solutebesttostayinmyofficeandtake
mealsinmyroom,butevenso,Icouldn’t
avoidErikcompletely.
Wehadtogobythechurchandpractice
theprocession,inwhichhewasforcedto
participateinordertoevenoutthenumber
ofpeoplewalkingbehindme.Andhehadto
stickbyHenriaswewalkedtheElitethrough
280/467
theGreatRoom,explaininghowbesttocir-
culateataformalparty.AndIhadtoap-
provethefinalfittingoftheirsuits,whichImanagedtodowithoutmakingeyecontact
butwhichstillwasmuch,muchharderthan
I’dhavethought.
Thecoronationwouldbeoneofthemost
importantmomentsofmylife,andstill,allIcouldthinkaboutwashowitmighthavefelt
tokisshim.
Iwasrunninglate.Ineverranlate.
Butmyhairwouldn’tcurltherightway,
andaseampoppedundermyarm,and
thoughI’dpickedoutsensibleheelsearlier
intheweek,onceItriedthemonwiththe
dress,Ihatedthem.
Eloisetookdeepbreathsasshegotmy
hairright,practicingwithamockcrownto
checkthateverythingwouldlookasbeautiful
aspossiblewhentheactualmomentarrived.
Neenawasbusymakingsurepeoplewere
dressedandready,soitwasHalewho
281/467
dashedinatthelastmomentwithaneedle
andthreadtomakesureeverythingwiththe
dresswasfixed.
“Thankyou,”Ibreathed.
Hetiedoffthelaststitch.“Anytime.”He
lookedathiswatch.“ThoughIreallywish
you’dhaveaskedearlier.”
“Itdidn’tpopuntilIputiton!”
Hesmiled.“Igaveeverythingaonce-over,
anditlookslikethatwastheonlyweakspot.
Betterwecaughtitnowthaninthemiddleof
theday.”
Inodded.“Ineedthingstobeperfect
today.JustonceI’dliketocomeacrossas
puttogetherbutnotsoputtogetherthatI
hateeverythingandeveryonearoundme.”
Halelaughed.“Wellthen,ifithappensto
popagain,rollwithit.”
Eloisewenttofetchsomethingfromthe
bathroom,andItookmychance.“How’s
Ean?”Iaskedinawhisper.
282/467
“Good.Stunned,”heanswered,almost
giddy.“Webothwanttohelpyouin
whateverwaywecan.You’remakingourfu-
turespossible,soweoweyouone.”
“Justhelpmegetthroughtoday,andthat
willbeplenty.”
“Somethingeveryday,”heremindedme.
Ihoppedoffthepedestalandhuggedhim.
“You’vebeenincrediblyworthy.”
“That’sgoodtoknow,”hereplied,return-
ingmyembrace.“Okay,I’mgettingmysuit
jacketandheadingdownstairs.Letmeknow
ifyouneedmetoday.”
Inodded,tryingnottotenseasEloise
camebacktodoherfinaltouch-ups.
“He’saniceone,”sheremarked,spraying
thelastoftheflyaways.
“Heis.”
“Personally,I’dpickKile,”shecommented
withagiggle.
283/467
“Iknow!”Ishookmyheadather.“Istill
haven’tforgottenhowyoulethimsneakinto
myroom.”
Sheshrugged.“Heismyfavorite.Ihaveto
dowhatIcan!”
Finallyeverythingwasinplace.Imademy
waydownstairs,thetailofmycapedraped
overmyarm.Thefoyerwasamassof
people.GeneralLegerononesideholding
MissLucy’shandstohislips,Josieand
Neenainmatchingpale-bluegownsthat
wouldlooklovelyastheyheldmytraindown
theaisle,andthefiveremainingEliteina
circletowardacorner,withErikwearinga
tiethatwasashadeofblueslightlybrighterthantheothers.
ButIonlyhadeyesforoneboyinthe
crowd.AsIreachedthemiddleofthestair-
case,IcaughtsightofAhren.Hewashere.
Irushedthroughtheherd,elbowingmy
waypastadvisersandfriends,runningnot
intoAhren’sarms,butCamille’s.
284/467
“Ishewell?”Iaskedintoherear.
“Oui,very.”
“Andareyourpeoplepleased?Dotheyac-
cepthim?”
“Asifhewasbornoneofourown.”
Iheldhertighter.“Thankyou.”
Ipulledaway,turningtoseemystupid
brother.
“Youcleanupnice,”heteased.
Ididn’tknowifIshouldjokewithhimor
punchhiminthearmorscreamorlaughor
anythingatall.SoIcrushedhiminahug.
“I’msorry,”hewhispered.“Ishouldn’t
haveleftthewayIdid.Ishouldn’thaveleftyoualone.”
Ishookmyhead.“Youwereright.Imiss
yousomuchithurts,butyouhadtogo.”
“AssoonasIheardaboutMom,Iwanted
tocomeback.ButIdidn’tknowifitwould
makethingsworseorbetter,orifitwasevenfairformetoshowupsinceitseemedIwas
thecause.”
285/467
“Don’tberidiculous.Allthatmattersis
thatyou’reherenow.”
HeheldmecloseforaminuteasLady
Briceorganizedeveryoneintocars.Thead-
viserswentfirstandtheElitejustafter,allofthembowingdeeplytome,Erikespecially.
Hedidn’tmeetmyeyes,andIwasgrateful.
Whoknewwhatmystupidheartmighthave
doneifhehad?
Itdidmeltalittlewhenhewalkedaway,
pullingrepeatedlyathissleeves,seeming
painfullyuncomfortableinhissuit.
“Okay,nextcar,”LadyBriceannounced.
“EveryonewhoselastnameisSchreave,even
you,MonsieurFrenchPrince.”
“Yes,ma’am,”Ahrensaid,takingCamille’s
hand.
“Eadlyn’sinfirst,followedbyNeenaand
Josie.Therestofthefamilyinafterthat,andI’llbeinacarrightbehindyou.”
Dadpaused.“Brice,youshouldbewith
us.”
286/467
“Absolutely,”Momagreed.“There’sroom
inthelimo,andyou’retheoneholdingthis
wholethingtogether.”
“I’mnotsurethat’sappropriate,”she
replied.
Neenatiltedherhead,tryingtoputdoubt
inLadyBrice’smind.“Itcouldeasilyfall
apartontheten-minutedrive.”
“Also,thelikelihoodofsomeonethinking
NeenaandIaresistersisslim,”Iadded.
“Staywithus.”
Shepursedherlipsasifshethoughtthis
wassomehowabadidea.“Fine.Let’sgo.”
Wepiledintothelimo,mydresstakingup
thespaceofthreepeople.Therewassomuch
laughterandfeetsteppingoverfeetthatthe
wholethingstartedtofeelfunny.Itooka
deepbreath.AllIhadtodowassayafew
words,makeapromiseI’dalreadymadein
myheart.IlookedacrossthecartoMom.
Shegavemeawink,andthatwasallI
needed.
287/467
JosieandNeenafollowedmedowntheaisle
ofthechurch,holdingmycapesoitdidn’t
dragacrossthefloor.AsIwalked,Ilookedatthesignetringonmyfinger,theIlléancrestgleaminginthecenter.Dadalreadytrusted
meinthisrole.Hewasalreadydelighted
withthewayIwashandlingit.Thiswasjust
makingeverythingofficial.
IcaughttheeyesofasmanypeopleasI
could,hopingtoconveymygratitude.Atthe
headofthechurch,Ikneltonthelittlerestingstool,feelingtheweightofmydress
fannedoutbehindme.Thebishoptookthe
ceremonialcrownandhelditabovemyhead.
“Areyou,EadlynSchreave,willingtotake
thisoath?”
“Iamwilling.”
“Doyouvowtoupholdthelawsandhonor
ofIlléaallthedaysofyourlife,governing
yourpeopleaccordingtotheirtraditionsand
customs?”
“Ido.”
288/467
“Anddoyouvowtoprotecttheinterestsof
Illéa,bothathomeandabroad?”
“Ido.”
“Anddoyouvowtouseyourpowerand
placementtobringmercyandjusticeforall
Illéa’speople?”
“Ido.”
Itfeltappropriatethatvowstoacountry
requiredfouraffirmations,whereasvowsto
anotherpersononlyrequiredone.Withmy
finalwordsspoken,thebishopsetthecrown
onmyhead.Iroseandturnedtofacemy
people,mycapelookingratherbeautiful
curleduparoundmyfeetlikeacat.Thebish-
opplacedthescepterinmylefthandandthe
orbinmyright.
Therewasaloudknockofastaffonthe
floor,andthepeoplearoundmeshouted,
“Godsavethequeen.”
AndIfeltathrillinmychesttoknow
thosewordsweremeantforme.
“OSTEN,FORGOODNESS’SAKE,STANDup,”Mom
ordered.
“Butit’ssohot,”hecomplainedaswe
beganwhatwouldbeamarathonphoto
session.
Dadsteppedaroundme.“Youcanpullit
togetherforfiveminutesofpictures,son.”
Ahrenlaughed.“Oh,I’vemissedyouall.”
Iswattedhim.“I’msogladnoone’sactu-
allyfilmingthis.”
290/467
“Okay,okay.We’reallready,”Dadcalled
tothephotographer.HeandMomposedbe-
hindme,theirarmsonthebackofmychair.
OstenandAhrenkneltoneithersideofme,
whileKadenstoodwithonehandbehindhis
back,almostchallengingmeforthemost
regal-lookingfamilymemberoftheday.
Thephotographersnappedshotaftershot
untilhewassatisfied.“Andwho’snext?”
Weallstayedwherewewere,pullingCa-
milleintothepicture.Then,sowewould
haveapictureofthewholefamily,eachof
theEliteboyswasrotatedthroughthe
portrait.
Thenitwasapictureofmewiththe
Legers,thenonewitheachmemberofthe
advisoryboard,includingLadyBrice,who
bypassedthetraditionallystiffposeand
huggedmetightlyinstead.“I’msoproud!”
shekeptsaying.“Justso,soproud!”Then,ofcourse,wehadtogetashotwiththeentire
Woodworkfamily.
291/467
Josiewalkedupasfastasshecould,pla-
cingherselfsoshewaspracticallyfrontand
center.IshookmyheadasMissMarleegave
meabighug.
“I’msohappyforyou,honey.You’ve
grownupsofast.”
Ilaughed.“Thankyou,MissMarlee.I’m
gladyoucouldallbeheretoday.”
Mr.Woodworksmiled.“Asifwe’dmissit.
Congratulations.”
MissMarleestillheldmyhands.“These
pastfewmonths,seeingyouascend,and
watchingyouandKilebecomesoclose,have
beenwonderful.”
Ismiled.“Honestly,it’shardtoimagineus
notbeingfriendsnow.Ican’tbelieveittookusthislongtoactuallygettoknoweach
other.”
“It’sfunnyhowthatworks,”MissMarlee
replied.“ItseemslikeashameyouandJosie
havehardlygottentospendanytime
together.”
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“What?”Josiesaid,abletohearhername
ifitwassomuchastappedoutinMorse
codeonadifferentcontinent.
“Itmightbegoodforyoutodomoreto-
gether.”MissMarleelookedbetweenthetwo
ofus,glowingwithjoy.
“Yeah!Wetotallyshould!”Josiesquealed.
“AndI’dloveto,”Ilied.“ButnowthatI’m
queen,I’mafraidmyfreetimewillbevery
limited.”
Momsmiledknowinglybehindherfriend.
IcouldtellsherealizedexactlywhatIwas
tryingtodo.
MissMarleefrowned.“True.Oh,Iknow!
Whydon’tyouhaveJosieshadowyoufora
fewdays?She’salwayshadadeepinterestin
thelifeofaprincess.Nowshecanstudya
queen!”
“That.Wouldbe.Amazing!”Josiegrabbed
myhand,andtomycredit,Ididn’tjerkit
away.
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Witheveryonewaitingformetospeakand
mymother’seyeswarningmethat,queenor
not,I’dbetternotdisappointherclosest
friend,Ididn’thaveachoice.
“Sure.Josiecanshadowme.Thatwillbe
…great.”
Josiedancedbacktoherspot,andIeyed
Kile,whowasdoinghisbestnottolaughat
mynewestpredicament.Hisamusement
mademesmile,andIfeltconfidentthatI’d
atleastlookhappyinthepictures.
Finallyitwastimefortheindividualpor-
traitswiththeElite.Istoodinmycoronationgownastheywereeachcycledontotheset.
Foxwasfirst,andhelookedsharpinhis
dark-graysuit.“Okay,sowhatdoIdo?”he
asked.“Inthefamilypicture,Iputmyarms
bymyside;butIfeellikeIshould,Idon’t
know,holdyourhandorsomething.”
Thephotographercalledout,“Yes,that’s
good,”asFoxtookmyhandinhis.He
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steppedalittlecloser,andwesmiledas
clicksflashedthroughinquicksuccession.
Eansaunteredovernext,lookingquite
pleased.
“Stunning,
Eadlyn.
Absolutely
stunning.”
“Thanks.Youdon’tlooksobadyourself.”
“True,”hesaid,smirking.“Verytrue.”
Hepositionedhimselfbehindme.“I
haven’tgottentothankyouyet.Bothfor
yourpardonandyourdiscretion.”
“YouandIalwaysgotbyonminimalcom-
munication.Iknewyouwerethankful.”
“I’dbeenpreparingmyselfforalifeofdis-
appointment,”headmitted,histonethe
closesttonervousnessI’deverheardit.“To
considerthatanythingelseispossiblefeels
unreal.I’mnotquitesurehowtomove
forward.”
“Justlive.”
Eansmiledatme,kissedmyforehead,and
movedtotheside.
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AfterEanitwasKile’sturn,andhe
barreledacrosstheset,makingmescream
whenhescoopedmeupandspunme
around.
“Putmedown!”
“Why?Becauseyou’requeen?I’llneeda
betterreasonthanthat.”
Hefinallystopped,facingthecamera,and
Iknewwewerebothgrinninglikeidiots.
Thesepictureswouldbeacompletelydiffer-
entkindofspectacular.
“Inearlykilledmyselfsteppingonthat
cape,”hesaid.“Fashionisdeadly.”
“Don’tsaythattoHale,”Icommented.
“Saywhattome?”Halesaidasthey
switchedplaces.
“Thatfashioncankill.”Kilestraightened
hissuitashewalked.
“Herscould.Youlookamazing,”hesaid,
embracingme.
“Thankssomuchforyourhelpthismorn-
ing.Everythingheldtogether.”
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“Ofcourseitdid.Didyoudoubtmy
skills?”heteased.
“Never.”
Istoodbacksowecouldtakeafewpic-
tureswithourfacesshowing,thoughI
couldn’twaittoseetheonesofus
embracing.
FinallyitwasHenri’sturn,andhissmile
alonewasenoughtomakethislongdayfeel
short.Hestoppedafewstepsawayfromme
andtookadeepbreath.
“Youarelookverybeautiful.Iamhappy
foryou.”
Myhandflewtomymouth,somoved.
“Henri.Thankyou!Thankyousomuch!”
Heshrugged.“Itrying.”
“You’redoinggreat.Really.”
Henoddedandcameovertome,gently
turningmeawayfromhim.Thenhewalked
aroundtomovemycapesoitfluttered
aroundfrombehindme,andhecametothe
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otherside,placinghishandsonmywaist,
standingproudlyjustovermyshoulder.
Itwasclearhehadputalotofthoughtin-
tohowhewantedtobeperceivedinthispor-
trait,andIadmiredthat.Whenthephoto-
grapherwasdone,Henribegantowalk
away,thenpaused.
“Umm,entäErik?”hesaid,pointingtohisfriend.
Kilecaughtonandwasinfullagreement.
“Yeah,Erik’sbeenthroughthis,too.He
needstogetupthere.”
Eriksimplyshookhishead.“No,I’mfine.
It’sfine.”
“Goon,man,it’sjustapicture.”Kile
pushedhimalittle,buthestilldidn’tmove.
Partofmeworriedthatsomehow,every-
onewouldbeabletohearmypulsebeating
outhisnameifhegotanycloser.ButashardasI’dworkedtoavoidhimthelastfewdays,
itwasjustaschallengingnottoruntohim
now.
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Iwalkedovertohim.Andwhenhereal-
izedIwasonmyway,hisgazeflewupto
mine.Inaninstant,everythingintheroom
camealive.Likethesunshinehadamelody
andthesoundsoffootstepshadatextureI
couldfeelinmyfingertipseachtimeanyone
moved.
TheworldwokeupwhenIlookedathim.
IstoppedinfrontofErik,hopingIdidn’t
lookasdazzledasIfelt.“I’mnotcommand-
ing.I’masking.”
Hesighed.“Thatmakesitathousand
timesworse.”Smiling,heputhishandin
mine,butbeforeIcouldpullhimontothe
stage,helookeddownathimself.Assoonas
theceremonyhadended,he’dtakenoffhis
suitjacketandwasnowonlywearingavest
andtie.“NowI’munderdressed,”he
lamented.
Isighedandunbuttonedthesnapsholding
thecapetomydress.ThesecondIheldit
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out,Halecametocarefullytakeitaway.
“Doesthathelp?”
“No.”Heswallowed.“Butifyoutrulywant
this…”
“Ido.”Itiltedmyheadandplayfullybat-
tedmylashes.
Helaughed,clearlyrealizinghewasde-
feated.“WhatdoIdo?”
“Okay.”Igrinned,steppingcloser.“Put
thishandhere,”Isaid,placingthefrontoneonmywaist.“Andthisonehere,”pullingthe
otheruptomyshoulder.Iputonehandon
hischestandtheotherloopedbehindhis
arm,andwestoodthereinalooseembrace.
“Nowsmileatthecamera.”
“Allright,”hesaid.
Withmyhandonhischest,Icouldfeelhis
heartpounding.“Calmdown,”Isaidquietly.
“Pretendit’sjustyouandme.”
“Ican’t.”
“Then,Idon’tknow,saysomethingin
Finnish.”
300/467
Hechuckledtohimselfandwhispered,
“Vainkoskapyysit,hauskanainen.”ThoughIcouldn’tunderstandthewordshecontinuedtomurmur,IknewIwouldneverbeable
toforgethistone.Withoutlookingupathim,Icouldhearhissmile,whichonlymademine
brighter.Ihadtoremindmyselftobreathe,Iwassobusylisteningtohim.Iknewinmy
heartthesewereimportantwords.AndI
couldn’trecognizeasingleone.
“Thatwasagoodone,”thephotographer
said,andalmostinstantlyErikdroppedhis
hands.
“See?Wasthatsoawful?”Iasked.
“Ithoughtitwouldbemuch,much
harder,”heconfessed,andtherewas
somethingfunnyinhisvoice,likeI’dmissed
adetail.
Icouldhearitagain,therattattatofmyfoolishheart.Iswallowed,ignoringitand
turninginsteadtothefootstepsechoingas
theyenteredthehall.
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“Marid,”Icalledingreeting.
“I’msorrytointrude,butIcouldn’thelp
myself.IsthereanywayIcouldgetanoffi-
cialpicturewithmynewqueen?”Marid
asked.
“Ofcourse.”Iextendedahand,andhe
walkedover,happilytakingit.
“Thecountryisabuzz,”hetoldme.“Idon’t
knowifyou’vebeenhearingreportstoday,
butthecoverageisverypositive.”
“Ihaven’thadasecondtopauseandlook,”
Iconfessedasheheldbothofmyhandsaf-
fectionatelyandfacedthecamera.
“Noneed.Youhavepeopleatyourbeck
andcalltoreportitalllater.I’mjusthappytobethefirsttotellyouthatyourinauguraldayisgoingbeautifully.”
Hesqueezedmyhand,andIsighed,think-
ingthatmaybe,finally,itwasallcoming
together.
IDRANKCHAMPAGNEANDLAUGHEDtooloudly
andatehalfmybodyweightinchocolate.
Justforafewhours,IwantedtorevelintheridiculousopulenceI’dalwaystakenfor
granted.TomorrowIwouldsipwaterandget
myheadstraight.TomorrowIwouldworry
abouthowtokeepmycountrytogether.To-
morrowIwouldthinkabouthusbands.
Buttonight?TonightIwasgoingtobask
inthisperfect,sparklingmoment.
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“Onemoredance?”Ahrenasked,catching
memid-sipinwhatIsworewasmylast
drink.“Ihaveaflighttocatch,butIwantedtosaygood-bye.”
Istood,takinghishand.“I’lltakewhatever
good-byeIcanget.Anythingwillbebetter
thanlasttime.”
“I’mstillsorryaboutthat,butyouknow
whyIcouldn’t.”
Welockedform,andhespunmearound
theroom.“Ido.Thatdidn’tmakeitanyeasi-
erthough.Addthattoeverythingelsethat’s
goingon,andlife’sbeenalittleharsh
withoutyouhere.”
“I’msorry.Butyou’redoingverywell,bet-
terthanyouthink,I’dwager.”
“We’llsee.Istillhavetoestablishmygov-
ernment,makesureMomandDadslow
down,andfindsomeonetomarryme.”
Heshrugged.“So,basicallynothing.”
“It’spracticallyavacation.”
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Hechuckled.Oh,howIhadmissedthat
sound.“I’msorryifmyletterwasharsh.
MomandDadwantedtoprotectyou,butI
wasafraidthatnotknowingwhereyoustood
mightactuallycrippleyou.”
“Itwasn’teasytoread,butit’scomeup
againandagain.Ireallyshouldhaveknown.
IfIhadn’tbeensoself-centered—”
“Youweretryingtoshieldyourself,”he
saidquickly,cuttingmeoff.“Youaredoing
somethingnooneelseinthiscountryhas
everdone.Ofcourseyoufoundwaystomake
iteasier.”
Ishookmyhead.“Dadhasbeenex-
hausted.Momhasneversloweddown.You
wereinlove,andItriedtotalkyououtofit.
There’sawordforwhatIam,butI’mtoo
muchofaladytosayit.”
Helaughedoutloudatthat,andIcaught
severaleyeslookingourway,mostnotice-
ablyCamille’s.I’dwantedtobemadather,
thisgirlwho’ddoneeverythingIwastrying
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todobuttentimesbetter,thisgirlwho’d
takenawaymytwin.Butitwasclearhow
happyshewastoseeusreunited.
Istilldidn’tunderstandhowshe’d
masteredeverythingsoeasily,howshe
seemedtomaintainbeingaleaderandagirl
withouteffort.Iworriedthat,asperfectas
thisdaywas,itwouldn’tlast.
“Hey,”hesaid,notingtheworryinmy
eyes.“Itwillbefine.You’regoingtomakeitthroughthis.”
Ifixedmyface,tryingtofindthemagic
thathadbeenrunningthroughmyveinsonly
momentsago.Iwasthenewqueen;it
wouldn’tdoformetobesadontodayofall
days.“Iknow.I’mjustnotsurehow.”
Thesongcametoaclose,andAhren
boweddeeply.“YoumustcometoParisfor
NewYear’s.”
“Andyouhavetocomebackforournext
birthday,”Iinsisted.
“ThenyouhavetohoneymooninFrance.”
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“Notunlessyoucomebackhereforthe
wedding.”
Heheldoutahand.“Deal.”
Weshookonit,andmyprecioustwin
pulledmecloseforahug.“Iwasmourning
fordays,thinkingyou’dneverforgivemefor
leaving.Thefactthatyou’renotmadatall
makesgoingthatmuchharder.”
“Youhavetocall.AndnotjustMomand
Dad,youhavetocallme.”
“Iwill.”
“Iloveyou,Ahren.”
“Iloveyou,YourMajesty.”
Ilaughed,andwebothtookamomentto
dabatoureyes.
“Speakingofthatwedding,”hestarted,
“anyideawhoyourgroomwillbe?”
Wesurveyedtheroom.TheElitewereeasy
tospotwiththeircrispsuitsandties,as
handsomeasanyofthevisitingroyalty.I’d
watchedthemallnight,addingtheir
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behaviortothepilesofinformationIhad
aboutthem.
Kilehadgraciouslyentertainedmostofthe
youngerguests,andFoxhadshakensomany
handsIcaughthimmassaginghiswristsat
onepoint.ThoughEanandHalewereoutof
therunning,I’doverheardthembothgiving
glowingcommentariesaboutmycharacterto
thepress,goingaboveandbeyondanything
I’dhopedfor.AndthentherewasHenri.He
haddonehisbestwithErikathisside,help-
inghimthroughconversations,butasI
watchedhimstudyingthepartygoersfrom
hisseat,itwasclearhe’dhadaroughtime.
“I’vegonebackandforthafewtimes.It’s
hardtoknowforsurewhotherightchoiceis.
Ijustwanttodowhat’sbestforeveryone.”
“Includingyou?”
Ismiled,unabletoanswer.
“Ifthere’sonethingIhopemyleaving
homeproves,”hesaidseriously,“it’sthat
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youhavetodowhateverittakestobewith
thepersonyoulove.”
Love.Likeclothes,Ihadguesseditwas
somethingthatfitnotwopeopleexactlythe
sameway.Iwasstillunsurewhattheword
lookedlikeforme,butIsensedthat,sooner
ratherthanlater,itwouldbefullydefined.
AllthatremainedtobeseenwasifIcouldbesatisfiedwiththedefinition.
“I’mtellingyou,Eady,warsandtreaties
andevencountrieswillallcomeandgo.But
yourlifeisyours,singularandsacred,and
youshouldbewiththepersonwhomakesit
feelthatwayeveryblessedsecondyoulive
it.”
Ilookeddown,studyingmygown,feeling
theweightofthecrownonmyhead.Yes,my
lifewassingularandsacred,butfromthe
momentofmybirth—ameresevenminutes
beforehis—ithadbelongedtoanyonebut
me.
“Thankyou,Ahren.I’llrememberthat.”
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“Pleasedo.”
Iputmyhandonhisshoulder.“Gofind
yourwife.Besafegettinghome,andletus
knowwhenyouland,okay?”
Hetookmyhandfromhissleeveand
kissedit.“Bye,Eady.”
“Bye.”
ThoughIwasgettingtired,Iknewit
wasn’tyettimeformetosneakaway.One
lastlap,Itoldmyself.I’dshakehands,givetwoorthreeinterviews,andduckoutthe
sidedoor.
Somanysmilesandhugs,somanywell
wishesandpromisestobeincontactsoon.It
cycledenergythroughmealmostasquickly
asitsuckeditbackout.AsIroundedthe
cornerwhereEanwasspeakingwithafew
peoplewhohadwonthelotterytocometo
the
coronation,
another
waltz
started
playing.
“Oh,adance!”ayounggirlpleaded.I
thoughtshemeantshewantedEantodance
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withher,butshenudgedhiminmydirec-
tion,andhewasonlytoohappytoescortme
ontothefloor.
AfterafewturnsIhadtoask,“Howlong
haveyoulikedHale?”
Hesmiled.“Fromthemomentwewere
gettingpreppedtomeetyou.Hejustlooked
sohappy,tothepointofbeingcartoonish.Itwasendearing.”
“Itisendearing,”Iagreed.
“I’msorryIliedtoyou.Iwasplanningon
takingthistomygrave.”
“Andnow?”
Heshrugged.“I’mnotsure.ButHale’sso
damnedinsistentonbeingtruetoyourself
that,attheveryleast,Iwouldn’ttrytousesomeonelikeascreentohideit,thewayI
triedtowithyou.It’snotfairtoanyone.”
“It’shardtobefairtoyourselfsometimes,
isn’tit?”
311/467
Henodded.“Iwouldn’tcompareourcir-
cumstancesthough.Intheend,noonecares
aboutme,andeveryonecaresaboutyou.”
“Don’tbesilly.Icareaboutyou.Icared
abouttheswaggeringsnobwhointroduced
himselfthatveryfirstday.”Helaughed,
thinkingback.Someofthatveneerhad
slippedaway.Notallofit,butIknewhow
harditwastoletwallsdown.“AndIcare
aboutthisnervous,gentlepersoninfrontof
menow.”
Eanwasnotthetypetocry.Hedidn’t
swalloworblinkorgiveanyofthetypical
signs,butIsensedthatifhe’deverbeen
closetosheddingatear,itwasrightnow.
“I’msogladIgettoseeyoubequeen.
Thankyou,YourMajesty.Foreverything.”
“Anytime.”
Thesongcametoaclose,andwebowed
ourheadstoeachother.
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“IsitallrightifIleaveinthemorning?”heasked.“I’dliketohavesometimewithmy
family.Totalk.”
“Ofcourse.Stayintouch.”
Henoddedandcrossedtheroom,readyto
beginhisnewlife.
I’ddoneit.I’dmadeitthroughtheday
withoutdoinganythinghumiliating,noone
hadprotested,andIwasstillstanding.Itwasover,andIcouldescapetothepeaceand
quietofmyroom.
AndthenwhenIwasabouttohittheside
door,IsawMaridspeakinginfrontofa
camera.
Helookedatmeandlituplikeafirework,
wavingmeovertojoininhisinterview.And
whileeverythinginmewantedtogoand
rest,hissmilewassocharmingthatIwenttohisside.
“HERESHEIS,THELADYofthehour,”hesaid,
wrappinganarmaroundmeastheinter-
viewergiggled.
“YourMajesty,howareyoufeeling?”she
asked,pointingthemicrophoneatmyface.
“AmIallowedtosaytired?”Ijoked.“No,
it’sbeenanincredibleday,andwithsomany
distressingthingshappeninginourcountry
recently,Icertainlyhopetodaywilllift
everyone’sspirits.AndI’mveryexcitedtoget
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towork.Thankstothewonderfulyoungmen
intheSelectionandfriends,likeMr.Illéa
here,I’vegottentoknowsomuchmore
aboutmypeople.I’mhopingwe’llbeableto
findwaystohearandaddressneedsmuch
moreefficiently.”
“Canyougiveusanyhintsatwhatyou’re
planningtodo?”sheaskedeagerly.
“Well,Ithinkourtownhallmeeting,
whichwascompletelyMarid’sidea,”Isaid,
gesturingtohim,“startedoffabitrockybutwasultimatelyveryinformative.AndSir
Woodworkactuallyhadaninterestingpro-
posalrecentlyaboutgivingcitizensamuch
easierwaytopetitionthecrown.Ican’tsay
toomuchaboutitatthemoment,butitwas
incrediblyinspired.”
“Speakingofproposals,”shesaidex-
citedly,“anynewsonthatfront?”
Ilaughed.“Letmegetthroughmyfirst
weekasqueenandthenI’llturnmyfocus
backtodating.”
315/467
“Fairenough.Andwhataboutyou,sir?
Anywordsofadviceforournewqueen?”
IturnedtofaceMarid,whoshruggedand
duckedhishead.“Ijustwishheralltheluckwithherreign,andfinishingherSelection.
Theguywhowinsherheartwillbeluckier
thanheknows.”
Maridswallowed,seemingtohaveahard
timemeetingtheinterviewer’seyesagain.
Shenoddedheartily.“Hecertainlywill.”
Sheturnedtothecameraandsignedoff,her
attentionnolongeronus.
ItookMarid’sarmandswunghimaround,
movingusoutofearshot.“Idon’twanttobe
rudeafterallthekindnessyou’veshownme,
butbehavinglikethatisinappropriate.”
“Likewhat?”heasked.
“LikeyouandImighthavebeen
somethingifonlytheSelectionhadn’t
happened.ThisisthethirdtimeIknowof
thatyou’vesaidsomethinglikethat,butI
haven’tevenseenyouinyears.Iamdutyand
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honorboundtomarryoneofmycandidates,
soactingwoundedwhenwe’vehadabso-
lutelynothingtogetherisunacceptable.I
mustinsistthatyoustopitatonce.”
“AndwhywouldIdothat?”hesaid,his
voicebecomingslick.
“Excuseme?”
“Ifyourfamilyhadbeenpayingtheslight-
estbitofattentiontoyourpeople,youmighthavelearnedbynowthatwhenitcomesto
thepublic,Ihaveanincrediblypowerful
voice.Theytreasureme.Youshouldseethe
pilesoffanmailIreceive.Noteveryone
thinkstheSchreavelineisthevalidone.”
Ifroze,terrifiedthattherewastruthto
whathewassaying.
“Youowemealot,Eadlyn.I’vekeptyou
lookinggoodinpapersandspokenwellof
youininterviews,andIsavedthattownhall
meeting.Ididthat,notyou.”
“Icouldhave—”
317/467
“No,youcouldn’t.Andthat’stheproblem.
Youcan’tdothisjobalone.It’snearlyim-
possible,whichiswhyyougettingmarriedis
awonderfulidea.Onlyyou’relookinginthe
wrongplace.”
Iwastoostunnedtospeak.
“And,let’sbehonest:ifanyofthoseboys
werethatexcitedaboutyou,wouldn’ttheybe
swarmingaroundyouthisverysecond?
Fromtheoutsidelookingin,they’reall
indifferent.”
Myshockturnedtoanguish.Ilooked
aroundtheroom.Hewasright.Noneofthe
Eliteseemedremotelyawareofmypresence.
“Inthemeantime,ifyouunitewithme,
theIlléa-Schreavelinewillbecompletelyse-
cure.Noonewoulddarequestionyourright
toruleifyouweremywife.”
Theroomswayedalittle,andIfoughtto
keepmyselftogetherashewenton.“And
youcancheckthefiguresifyoulike,butas
faraspublicopiniongoes,myapproval
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ratingistwicewhatyoursis.Icouldelevateyoufromtoleratedtoadoredovernight.”
“Marid,”Isaid,hatingthatmyvoicesoun-
dedsoweak.“Thisisn’tpossible.”
“Butitis.Andeitheryoucanendthis
Selectiononyourown,orIcandroprumors
aboutustothepointthatnoonetakesitseriouslyanyway.BythetimeI’mdone,youwill
lookmoreheartlessthantheyalreadythink
youare.”
Istraightenedmyback.“Iwillruinyou,”I
vowed.
“Tryit.Seehowfasttheyturnonyou.”He
kissedmycheek.“Youhavemynumber.”
Maridwalkedaway,casuallyshaking
handswiththosehepassedasifhewas
alreadyamemberoftheroyalfamily.While
alleyesseemedtofollowhim,Iquietly
duckedoutoftheroom.
Iwasafool.I’dthoughtthatHalecared
aboutme,thatEanwasheretosupportme,
andIcouldn’thavebeenmoremistaken.I’d
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beenwrongtotrustBurkeandJackand
Baden.I’dbeenpositiveMaridwashereto
helpme,andhe’donlybeentryingtoset
himselfonthethrone.Myinstinctswere
wrongateveryturn,andsuddenlyitseemed
asthoughthepeoplearoundmewerenoth-
ingbutfakes.
WasImistakenaboutanyoneelse?WasI
wrongtotrustNeenaorLadyBrice?Was
KilenotthefriendIthoughthewas?CouldI
trustwhatIfeltorthoughtaboutanyone?
Ileanedagainstthewall,onthevergeof
tears.Iwasthequeen.Noonewasaspower-
fulasme.AndyetI’dneverfeltmore
helpless.
Anotherfigurecameoutofthedoorway,
andbeforeIcouldduckfartheroutofsight,
Erik’sfacecameintoview.
“YourMajesty,I’msorry.Iwasjustescap-
ingthecrowds.Itwasalittletoomuchfor
meinthere.”
Ididn’tanswer.
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“Seemstohavebeenabittoomuchfor
youaswell,”headdedcautiously.
Istaredatthefloor.
“YourMajesty?”Hemovedcloser,whis-
pering,“CanIhelpyou?”
Istaredintothosewildlyblueeyesand
abandonedalltheworriesinmyhead.My
heartsaid,Run.SoIgrabbedhishandanddidjustthat.
Itoredownthehallway,lookingbackonce
tomakesurenoonewasfollowing.
AsIhoped,theWomen’sRoomwas
empty.Leavingthelightsoff,Ipulledus
closertothewindow,soatleastI’dhavethemoontohelpmesee.
“Attheriskofmakinganevenbiggerfool
outofmyselfthanIalreadyhave,canyou
pleaseanswersomethingforme?Andyou
absolutelymustbehonesthere.Igiveyou
permissiontohurtmyfeelings.Ihavetoknow.”
321/467
Afteralongmomenthenodded,though
hisexpressiontoldmehewasterrifiedof
whatmightcome.
“Isthereachancethatyoufeelformethe
wayIfeelforyou?Ifyou’vefeltevenafractionofthisriotthat’sbeenhappeninginmy
heart,Ineedtoknow.”
Erikletoutabreath,seemingstunnedand
sadatonce.“YourMajesty,I—”
“No!”Isaid,rippingthecrownoffmyhead
andflingingitacrosstheroom.“Not
Majesty.Eadlyn.I’mjustEadlyn.”
Hesmiled.“YouarealwaysjustEadlyn.
Andyouarealwaysthequeen.Youare
everythingtoeveryone.Andinfinitelymore
tome.”
Iplacedahandonhischestandcouldfeel
hisheartpoundingintimewithmine.He
suddenlyseemedawareofhowdesperateI
wasandwordlesslycuppedmycheekinhis
palmandleaneddowntokissme.
322/467
Everymomentwe’deverhadtogether
dancedthroughmyhead.Hisawkward
stancethedaywefirstmet,andhowIscol-
dedhimbeforetheparadeforbitinghis
nails.Thewayheprotectedmewhenthe
fightbrokeoutinthekitchen,andhowmy
eyesflittedtohimoverandoverwhenthe
boysweredeepinprayeroutsidethehospital
wing.And,mostastonishingly,themoment
intheWomen’sRoomwhenCamilleasked
whofilledmyhead,andhowhardIfoughtto
stopmyselffromsayinghisnameoutloud
thenandthere.
Allofit,everymagical,forbiddensecond
burnedthroughmeaswecontinuedour
dangerouslytreasonouskiss.Whenwefi-
nallybrokeapart,Iwasintears,positivethatAhrenleavingandthefearoflosingmy
motherhadbeenpainlessincomparisonto
this.
Heshookhishead,stillholdingontome.
“OfcoursetheonetimeIletmyselffallin
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love,
it’s
with
someone
in
another
stratosphere.”
Idugmyfingersintohisshirt,hisvest,so
angrythatIcouldn’tholdontoitforever.
“ThiswillbethefirsttimeinmylifeIhaven’tbeenabletohavesomethingItrulywanted.
It’ssocruelthatithappenstobeyou.”
Heswallowed.“Itreallyisimpossible
then?”
Myfacefell.Ididn’twanttosaythewords.
“I’mafraidso.Insomanywaysnow.Ican
hardlygraspitalltoexplain,buteverythingjustgotmuchmorecomplicatedforme.”
“Youdon’towemeanexplanation.I
alreadyknew.Imadethemistakeofletting
myselfhopeforamoment.That’sall.”
“I’msosorry,”Iwhispered,droppingmy
gaze.“IfIthoughtIcouldcancelthiswhole
thing,Iwould.Butitwouldbeseenasone
moremistakeontopofalltheotherselfish,
stupidthingsI’vedone.”
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Usinghisotherhand,hegentlyliftedmy
chin.“Pleasedon’tspeakthatwayaboutthe
womanIlove.”
Mysmilewasweak.“I’vebeensounfairto
you.Itwaseatingmealive,allthewonder-
ing,butmaybewewouldhavebeenbetteroff
ifwe’dneverknown.”
“No,”hesaid,somehowabletofindcom-
fortinthemiddleofusbeingtornapart.
“Thereisnoshameinlovingwhoyoulove,
andthereisgreathonorindoingwhatis
right.It’sapitythosetwothingsdon’toverlapforus,butthatmakesthismomentno
lessimportanttome.”
“Ortome.”
Heheldmyhandsotenderly,stillseeming
shockedthathehadthecouragetodoitat
all.
“Ishouldgetback,”hesaid.“I’dhateto
causeascandal.”
Isighed.“You’reright.”AndstillIcouldn’tquiteletgo.Istoodpressingmyselftohim.
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“I’mnotengagedyet,”Iwhispered.“Would
youmeetmetomorrownight?”
Itwasimpossiblenottoseeallthegears
turninginhishead.Itwasalsoeasytosee
themomentwhenhestoppedthinkingand
noddedyesanyway.
“I’llgetwordtoyou.Leavenow,andI’ll
makemywayoutinafewminutes.”
Erikgavemeonelasthurriedkissand
dashedbackintothehall.Meanwhile,Ire-
trievedmycrownandwalkedovertothe
hiddenpanelbehindthebookcase.Iwanted
tobesurenoonewouldfindmetonight.
TherewerenomorerebelsinIlléa,no
threatslikethattorunawayfrom.Butthere
werestilldozensofsecretpassagesinthe
palace,andIkneweverysingleone.
“GOODMORNING,YOURMAJESTY,”LADYBrice
greetedmeasIwalkedintotheoffice.Typic-
ally,I’dbeenabletosleepinonSundays,buttherewasnowayIcouldspendmyfirstday
asqueeninbed,especiallynotaftertheway
thingsendedlastnight.
Isighed,bothtiredandthrilled.“Ihearditamilliontimesyesterday,butitstillfeels
strangetoanswertothattitle.”
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“You’llhavedecadestogetusedtoit,”she
repliedwithasmile.
“Speakingofthat,Ineedtospeakwithyou
abouttheSelection,andmyreign,andan
unexpectedcomplication.”
“Complication?”
“Canyoutellmesomething?Howpopular
isMarid?”
LadyBricewhistled.“He’smadequitea
nameforhimselfoverthelastfewyears.He’sfrequentlyinterviewedontheradio,andhe’s
sohandsomeandcomesfromsuchawell-
knownfamilythatheendsupinalotofprintmediaaswell.Plentyofpeoplelistenwhen
hespeaks.Fortunatehedecidedtoturnup
whenhedid,huh?”
BeforeIcouldexplainwhathadhappened
lastnight,Iheardthedooropenbehindme,
andJosieburstintotheroom.
“Hey!HopeI’mnotlate!”sheexclaimed.
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Iclosedmyeyesinfrustration.Icom-
pletelyforgotshewassupposedtostart
shadowingmetoday.
“CanIhelpyou?”LadyBriceasked.
“Oh,I’mheretohelpyou,”shean-
nounced.“I’mshadowingEadlyntoday.
Maybelonger,ifthisgoeswell.”
“MissMarleesuggesteditduringthefam-
ilyphotosessionyesterday,”Isaidquickly.
LadyBricenodded,anditwasatthismo-
mentthatNeenaenteredtheofficeaswell.
ThoughIwasn’tsurehowcomfortableIwas
sharingeverythinginfrontofJosie,it
seemedIhadnochoice.
“Okay,”Ibeganslowly,“wehaveaprob-
lem.AndhisnameisMaridIlléa.”
“Really?”Neenaasked.“He’sseemedhelp-
fulsofar.”
“Yes,thatwashowhemeantittolook.
But,intruth,hisgoalhasalwaysbeentotakethecrown.”Iswallowed,feelingstupidall
overagain.“LastnightIcalledhimoutfor
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encouragingthepresstothinkthatwewere
morethanfriends,andhemadeitclearthat
hewasplanningtopursuethisangleuntil
thepublicwoulddemandthatImarryhim.”
LadyBriceputherheadinherhands.“I
knewhecouldunderminethiswholething.I
knewit.Weshouldhavesquashedthe
rumors.”
Ishookmyhead.“Thisisn’tyourfault.
Yougavemetheopportunityearlyon,andI
didn’ttakeit.Ijustneverthoughthe’dtrytowormhiswayintothepalaceasapermanent
fixture.”
“It’ssosneaky,”LadyBricesaid,balling
herhandsintofists.“Hisparentsthrewrocksandstormedthepalace.Allhehastodois
makeafewproperlytimedspeeches,and
he’sinwithoutlookingremotelyaggressive.”
“Exactly.AndI’m…I’mscared.Ifhe
swaysthepeopletobelieveheshouldbemy
princeconsort,they’llcomeafterthemon-
archy.They’vebeenontheedgeofrevoltfor
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awhile,andnowthatI’mqueen,there’s
nothingtostopthepeoplewhoheldoutfor
myfather’ssake.Butifweconcede,andhe’s
here…ifhecouldliethateasilyjusttogetneartome…”
“Whatwouldhedowhenheseeshe
doesn’tneedyouanymore?”LadyBricesaid
somberly.
I’dalreadypicturedadozendifferentscen-
arios.He’dsayIslippeddownthestairs,or
fellasleepinthebath,orthattheSinger
geneshadgottentomyheart,too.Ididn’t
wanttothinkofMaridaspurelyevil,butI
understoodthathewasoutforpowerand
hadnoregardforme.
ItwaspossibleIwasbeingparanoid,I
knewthat.Butafterhavingmissedsomany
thingsinthelastfewmonths,thingsthat
shouldhaveforcedmetobecareful,tospeak
up,todosomething,nowwasn’tthetimeto
assumethingswouldbefine.
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“Thenwehavetosilencehim.Whatdowe
do?”Neenaasked.
“Whydoyouneedtodoanything?”Josie
asked.Weallturned,andhersmilefaded
undertheweightofourstares.“Imean,
you’rethequeen.Youcouldjustkillhimif
youwanted.Ifhewasbeingatraitor,right?”
“Ifheactslikeatraitor,yes.Butwhenit
seemslikehe’sinlovewithmeandIdecide
tohanghim,howdoesthatmakemelook?”
Shesquinted,takingthatin.“Awful.”
“Worsethanawful.Andmyapprovalis
hangingonbyathreadasitis.Ican’thave
himkilled.Idon’teventhinkIcanpublicly
sayIhavenointerestinhimnow,not
withoutbacklash.”
“Thenwhat?”LadyBriceasked.
“Thisdoesn’tleavetheroom.Doesevery-
oneunderstand?”IstaredatJosie,hoping
sheunderstoodtheimportanceofsecrecy.
“First,wewillignoreMarid.He’snotallowedinthepalace,andifhecalls,noonespeaksto
332/467
him.He’scompletelyshutoutofmypres-
encefromhereonout.Wecan’tgivethe
presssomuchasawhispertodrawfrom.”
“Agreed,”LadyBricecommented.
“Second,I’vemappedouthowthenextfew
weekswillgointermsoftheSelection.Ean
isheadinghomethismorning.Wespokelast
night,andhe’sreadytogo.Earlynextweek
Halewillbeleavingaswell.”
Neenamadeaface.“I’msadtoseeHale
go.”
“Me,too.Butthiswasamutualagree-
ment,soIassureyoutherearenohardfeel-
ingsoneitherside.”
“Thatmakesiteasier,”sheadmitted.“But
wait.Aren’tyousupposedtochoosewithin
fourdaysonceyougettoatopthree?”
“Yes.TheonlywaytobeatMaridathis
gameistochooseahusbandasquicklyas
possible.Andregardlessofhowdeeplyin
loveImayormaynotbe,ithastolookas
goodaswhatmyparentshave.Better,ifwe
333/467
canmanageit.”Itookadeepbreath.“So
onceHaleisgone,we’llwaitafewdaysand
theneliminateFox.He’snice,butwedon’t
havearealconnection.ThatwillleaveKile
andHenriasthefinaltwo,andIintendtodoalivebroadcastinabouttwoweekstoannouncemyfiancé.”
“Twoweeks!”Neenagasped.“Eadlyn!”
“Iwillneedhelpwiththeperceptionof
this,”Iwenton.“Icheckedsomerecentpoll
numbers,andHaleandKilehavebeenfront-
runnersforawhile.I’lltakecareofmaking
surethatHale’sdecisiontogoisseenasne-
cessarysothepeoplewillbesatisfiedwith
hisdeparture,butweneedsomethingsensa-
tionalaboutHenri.Likethathebakesfor
peopleinnursinghomesorthathisfamilyis
descendedfromSwendishnobility.Evenif
youhavetostretchthetruth,doit.Gethim
tothefinaltwowitheveryone’sapproval.”
Noonespokeforamoment.
334/467
“DoyouevenloveKile?”Josieasked.For
onceherfacehadlostitsridiculouslyblank
look,andIsawthedeep,genuineconcernin
hereyes.
IthoughtofErik.Ofhimpromisingme
thatitwasworthit.Ofhowhe’dtreatedme
fromtheverystart.Ofhowhe’dkissedme.
Ofhowhe’dbegonesoon.
“I’dbehappywithKile.”
Certainlyleadersbeforemehadmade
muchbiggersacrifices,butLadyBrice,
Neena,andJosiealllookedasthoughIwas
marchingintodeath.
“Areyougoingtohelpmeornot?”I
demanded.
“I’llseewhatIcanfindoutaboutHenri,”
LadyBricesaid.“I’dprefertostartwiththeabsolutetruthfirst.”
“AswouldI.AndIfeelconfidentyou’llbe
abletofindsomethingforhim.He’ssucha
sweetheart.”
335/467
“Heis,”Neenaagreed.“AsisKile.You
coulddomuchworse.”
Yes,Ithought.ButIcouldalsodomuchbetter.
“Dowhatyouneedtogeteverythingin
placeforthis.I’mgoingtospendtherestofthedayworkingfrommyroom.Josie?”She
snappedtoattention.“Areyoucomingback
tomorrow,orwasthisenoughforyou?”
“Itwasmorethanenough,”shesaid,
swallowing.
“Notaword,youunderstand?”
Shenodded,butIcouldhardlybearto
lookather.Sheseemedsosadforme,andof
allpeople,Icouldn’tstandherpityingme.
ButwhenIlookedatNeenaandLadyBrice,
theirexpressionswerejustasbad.
IpulledmyselfupastallasIcouldandlefttheroom,rememberingthat,nomatter
what,Iwasstillqueen.
“WHATISTHISPLACE?”ERIKasked.I’ddonemy
besttomakeitcozy,sneakinginwithabas-
ketfullofcandlesandblanketsmidday,and
anotherfulloffoodwheneveryoneleftfor
dinner.
Eriksaidhewassick,IsaidIhadwork,
andwemetinaninconspicuousspotonthe
secondfloor.Oneoftheeasiestpassagesthatleddowntothemassivesaferoomwasby
mymother’soldbedroom,theoneshe’dhad
337/467
duringherSelection.Sometimesshetook
pilgrimagesthere,likeitwasthecalmest
placeforhertobeinthepalace.
“Backwhentherebelswereadeadly
threat,theroyalfamilyusedtoescapedown
here,”ItoldErikaswemadeourway
throughthepassage.“Butthisplacehasn’t
beenusedinwelloveradecade,andnowI
thinkitmaybethepalace’sbestkeptsecret.”
“Inotherwords,noone’sfindingus,”Erik
respondedwithasmile.
“Notifwedon’twantthemto.”
Hetookadeepbreath.“I’vefeltsoguilty
today,tornbetweenhowexcitedIwasabout
yourinvitationandhowguiltyIfeelsince
I’mnotevenachoice.”
Inodded,pullingplatesfromthebasket
andsettingthemontopoftheblankets.“I
know.I’vebeencursingtheSelectioninways
Ihaven’tsincemyparentsfirstmentionedit.
AndthenItakeitallback,becauseifithadneverhappened…”
338/467
Wesharedalonglook.Ibrokeitwitha
sigh,continuingtosetoutourcandlelit
picnic.
“Youknow,myfatherwasn’tsupposedto
marrymymother.”
“You’rekidding,”hesaid,joiningme.
“Apparentlymygrandfatherhadhand-
pickedthegirlswhocametocompete.He
onlythrewinthreeFivestoappeasethe
lowercastes,andhehatedMomfromthe
get-go.Ontopofthat,Ifoundoutmypar-
entsusedtoargueallthetime.”Ishrugged,
stillsurprisedbytheirrockyhistory.“Igrewupthinkingthattheywereafairytale,you
know?Itturnsouttheywerejustlikeanyone
else.Somehowthatmakesitevenmore
magical.”
Iletthewordshang,thinkingof
everythingIknewnow.
“Theyslowdancewhenitrains.Ihaveno
ideawhy,buteverytimetheskyturnsgray,
you’llfindthemtogether.”Ismiled.“I
339/467
rememberonceDadbargedintotheWo-
men’sRoom,whichiscompletelyimproper.
You’resupposedtobeinvitedin.Butitwas
raining,andhewasn’tgoingtowaittosweep
heraway.Andonetimehedippedherinthe
hallway,andshejustlaughedandlaughed.
Shewasstillwearingherhairdownthen,
andI’llneverforgethowitlookedlikeawa-
terfallofred.It’slikenomatterwhathap-
pens,theycanfindthemselvesagainthere.”
“Iknowwhatyoumean.”Erikeyedthe
bottleofredwineI’dsnaggedandgrinned.
“My
parents
find
themselves
over
omenalörtsy.”
Iwrappedmyarmsaroundmyknees,
tuckingmydressbeneathme.“What’sthat?”
“It’slikeanappledoughnut.Mymother
madehimabatchwhentheyweredating,
anditbecametheirthing.Whensomething
goodhappens:omenalörtsy.Whenthey’remakingupafterafight:omenalörtsy.When
340/467
itseemslikeaparticularlywonderfulFriday:omenalörtsy.”
“Howdidtheymeet?”
“Thiswillsoundstrange,butthroughbolts
andscrews.”
Isquinted.“So…aretheymechanics?”
“No,”herepliedwithachuckle.“Mypar-
entshaveknowneachotherbasicallytheir
entirelives.Theygrewupinthesamesmall
towninSwendway.Whentheywereeleven,
someguysatschoolwerepickingonmydad,
throwinghisschoolworkinthemud.My
momwasevensmallerthanhimatthetime,
butshewentrightupandyelledatthemand
pulledmydadaway.
“Hewasembarrassed,butshewasen-
raged.Sheforcedhimintoanalliance,and
thatnighttheymeteachotheronaback
road,rantoeachofthethreebullies’houses,andstolethescrewsoutoftheirbikewheels
sothey’dhavetowalk.Forweeksafterthat,
anytimetheysawthatoneofthebullieshad
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replacedthescrews,mymomanddadwould
gostealthem.Afterawhilethebulliesgave
upandwalked.”
“Ilikeyourmom,”Isaidthroughbitesof
bread.
“Oh,youguyswouldgetalonggreat.She
lovesfoodandmusicandisonaconstant
huntforagoodreasontolaugh.Mydad,on
theotherhand—Well,ifyouthinkI’mshy,
youshouldmeethim.He’smuchmorecom-
fortablewithbooksthanpeople,anditcan
takehimawhiletowarmuptostrangers.
Anyway,myparentsgrewup,andbecause
theywereverydifferentpeople,theyranin
differentcircles.Boyafterboycamebyfor
mymother,whilemydadwasspending
weekendsinthelibrary.
“Whenmydadgotolder,heboughtabike.
Andonemorninghewokeupandfoundthe
screwsforhiswheelsweremissing.”
“No!”
342/467
“Yes.Andshedidthisuntilhewisedup
andstartedwalkingwithhertoschool.And
they’vebeenwalkingtogethereverywhere
since.”
“Thatisamazing.”
Henodded.“Theymarriedyoungbut
waitedawhiletostartafamily.Theytellme
nottotakeoffensebutthattheyweren’t
readytoshareeachotherwithanyoneelse,
notevenme.”
Ishookmyhead.“IreallywishIcould
meetthem.”
“They’dhavelikedyou.Dadmighthave
spentmostofthevisithidinginhisroom,
buthe’dhavelikedyouallthesame.”
Erikuncorkedthewine,andweshared
fruitandbreadandcheese.Foralongtime
wedidn’tspeak.Thesilencemadeeverything
feelbigger,better.Therewasnorushtofillthespace,andafterdaysanddaysofsound,
thecomfortablequietwithErikwasthemost
343/467
soothingthinginmyworld.Itwaslikebeing
alonewithoutreallybeingalone.
“Ihavetoaskanembarrassingquestion,”I
admittedafterawhile.
“Oh,no.”Hetookadeepbreath.“Allright,
I’mready.”
“What’syourfullname?”
Henearlyspitouthiswine.“IthoughtI
wasgoingtohavetoconfesssomedark
secret,andthat’sit?”
“IfeelbadthatI’vekissedyouanddon’t
knowyourlastname.”
Henodded.“It’sEikkoPetteriKoskinen.”
“EikkoPet…Petteri?”
“Koskinen.”
“Koskinen.”
“Perfect.”
“IsitokayifIcallyouthat?Eikko?Ilike
yourname.”
Heshrugged.“IonlychangeditbecauseI
thoughtitwastoostrange.”
“No,”Iinsisted.“It’snotstrange.”
344/467
Helookeddown,toyingwiththeblanket.
“Whataboutyou?Fullname?”
Isighed.“Therewassomedebateover
middlenames,soit’sEadlynHelenaMar-
gareteSchreave.”
“That’samouthful,”heteased.
“It’spretentious,too.Mynameliterally
means‘princessshiningpearl.’”
Hetriedtohidehissmile.“Yourparents
namedyouPrincess?”
“Yes.Yes,IamQueenPrincessSchreave,
thankyou.”
“Ishouldn’tlaugh.”
“Andyetyoudo.”Ibrushedthecrumbsoff
mydress.“ItmakesmefeellikeIwaspre-
destinedtobecomeabrat.”
Hegrabbedmyhand,forcingmetolookat
him.“Youarenotabrat.”
“Thefirsttimewereallyspoke,Icorrected
yourmanners.”
Heshrugged.“Theyneededcorrecting.”
345/467
Ismiledsadly.“I’mnotsurewhy,butthat
makesmewanttocry.”
“Pleasedon’t.Thatwasagooddayfor
me.”
Iquestionedhimwithmyeyes,holdingon
tohishandashecontinued.“Whenyougot
upontothefloatandyouwerespeakingwith
Henri?Afteryouweredone,youlooked
downtoletmeknoweverythingwasokay.
Youdidn’thavetodothat.Youwerebusy
andinarush,andyoustillacknowledged
me.EvenafterknowingIwasthetypeof
personwhobitmynailswhenIwas
nervous.”
Thatmademewanttocryevenmore.“Did
itstartthen?”
“Prettymuch.AndI’vechastisedmyself
foriteverydaysince.But,ofcourse,Ias-
sumednoonewouldeverknow,leastofall
you.”
“Iwasabitslower,”Iadmitted.“Ithinkit
waswhenyoupulledmefromthekitchen.
346/467
Youweren’tworriedaboutwhatwashappen-
ing,orhowwemightlookrunningthrougha
crowdedroom,oranythingelseintheworld,
itseemed.Iwasunsettled,andyoubrought
mebacktoearth.Somanypeoplearein
chargeofkeepingmeinline,butnoone
seemstomakemefeelquitesonormalas
you.”
Heswallowed.“I’msorryIwon’tbeableto
dothatmuchlonger.”
“YouhavenoideahowmuchIwishyou
could.”
Afterastrainedmomentofsilence,he
clearedhisthroat.“Wouldyoupleasebeso
kind…whenthisisover,wouldyouplease
notcontactme?I’msureyoucouldfindme
anytimeyouwanted.Butpleasedon’t.You
havebeenawonderfulfriendtome,andso
havethesemen.Idon’twanttobecomethe
kindofmanwhobetrayshisfriends.”
347/467
“AndIdon’twanttobecomethekindof
womanwhodeceivesherhusband.Whenit’s
over,it’sover.”
“Thankyou,”hewhispered.
“Butnothingisovertonight,”Ireminded
him.
Helookeddown,smilingabit.“Iknow.
I’mtryingtodecideifIhaveenoughcourage
toaskyouforanotherkiss.”
Imovedclosertohim.“Youcanaskfor
one.Ortwo.Ortwelve.”
Andhelaughedbeforehetoppledback-
ward,therushofourmovementknocking
overhisglassofwineandsendingthecandle
flamesdancing.
IGOTTOTHEOFFICEalittlelaterthanI’dintendedthenextmorning.I’dsweptbackmyhair
anddressedinarush,butnomatterhow
muchtimeIspentonmyface,Icouldn’t
seemtowipeawaymysmile.
Itwasadeliciousfeeling,fallinginlove.
I’dhadsomanyluxuriesinmylife,andI
thoughtI’dhadatasteofthisbefore,butI
realizednowitwasmerelyacheapimitation
349/467
ofsomethingnotmeanttobeimitatedinthe
firstplace.
Iremindedmyselfitwouldend,andI’d
alreadymademypeacewithit.IknewIwas
goingtochooseKile;I’dtoldEikkoasmuch.
Kilewouldmakemehappy,andIhopedI
coulddothesameforhim.Ifiguredatsome
point,onceKileknewIwaschoosinghim,I’d
comecleantohimaboutsomeofthis.AndI
knewKilewellenoughtoknowthathe’dun-
derstandifIconfessedtofeelingconfused
abouttheprocessandthatkissingEikko
wasn’tsomethingIplanned,bothofwhich
weretrue.Ididn’twantithangingoverus.
Anyofus.
AndalifesidebysidewithKilewasnot
exactlyaprisonsentence.Hewassmart,pas-
sionate,funny,charming—adozenthingsa
husbandoughttobe.Hewouldbebeloved
bythepeople—ourpeople—andhewould
standbesidemeandfightMarid.Hewasso
350/467
charismatic,hemightevenrenderMarid
useless.
And,deepinmyheart,Ihopedtherewasa
chancethatIcouldlearntolovehim,now
thatIknewwhatthatreallyfeltlike.
ForthetimebeingIhadafewprecious
daysleftwithEikko,andIintendedtotreas-
ureeachone.
Neenatappedonmydesk,bringingmyat-
tentionbacktothepresent.“Areyouokay?
Whatareyouthinkingabout?”
“Umm…”
Tobehonest,Iwasthinkingaboutthe
soundofHerMajestyEadlynHelenaMar-
gareteSchreavedeKoskinen,andhowsuddenlymymouthfulofnamesseemedlikea
lineofpoetry.ButthenIlookedintohereyesandsawtheyweretingedwithred.
“Aboutyou,”Isaid.“Areyouallright?”
“I’mfine,”shesaidinatonethatsaidnotreally.“It’sjustMark.He’sworkingsuchlonghours,andnowIhavetoworkmore,
351/467
andit’sgettinghardertokeepintouch.You
know,sameold.Distanceisn’tabigdealun-
tilitis.”
Itookherhands.“Neena,thelastthingI
wanttodoiscostyouthepersonyoulove.
You’reabrilliantgirl;youcouldwork
anywhere—”
“Areyoufiringme?”shewhispered,look-
inglikeshemightcry.
“Ofcoursenot!Thethoughtofyouleaving
breaksmyheart.Ifyoucanhavefriendsoul
mates,you’remine,andIdon’twantyougo-
inganywhere.”Shelaughedthroughher
glassyeyes.“Ijustcan’tbeartowatchyou
losesomethingthatmatterssomuchtoyou.”
“Igetthat.Doyouhaveanyideahowhard
itisformetositbackandlookatyourliferightnow?”
Isighed.“Mylifeisadifferentthingen-
tirely.And,likeyousaid,Icoulddoworse.”
“Eadlyn,pleaserethinkthis.Theremust
beabetterwaytostopMarid.”
352/467
“Ifthereis,Idon’thavethetimetowait
forit.IfIdon’tsecuremyplacenow,I’ll
eitherhaveareignfilledwithpeopletrying
tousurpmeandfailing,orpeopletryingand
succeeding.Thoseoptionsaren’tacceptable.
Thismatterstome.Ican’tcompromise.”
Shenodded.“Well,neithercanI.AndI
couldn’tleaveyoulikethat.”
Itookherhand,grateful,asalways,forher
presenceinmylife.
“Letmeknowifyouchangeyourmind,”I
insisted.“Ifyouneedtoleave,Icould—”
Iwasstunnedintosilencebythesightof
Josiecomingintotheofficebalancingatray
inherhands.ShesetacupofcoffeeinfrontofNeenaandoneinfrontofmebeforeshe
spoke.
“Everyonesaidyoutookyourcoffeewith
twosugars,butifit’swrongIcangoback.”
“No,no,”Isaid,stillslightlyconfused.
“That’sright.”
353/467
“Okay.AndIwaswalkingbythemailroom
andtheyhadthese,soIfiguredIcouldget
themtoyou.”Sheplacedahandfulofletters
inthewoodenin-boxonmydesk.
“Thankyou.”
Shenodded.“Also,Isawyourmotherthis
morning.She’sdoingverywell.Ihaven’t
seenanyoftheboys.”
“Goodluckhuntingthemdown,”Isaid
withasmile.“Thankyou,Josie.”
“It’stheleastIcoulddo.”Sheshrugged.
“I’mnotbusy,ifyouneedanothersetof
hands.”
“Neena?”
Iturned,andsawshewasstilltakingin
thischange.“How’syourpenmanship?”she
finallyasked.
“Excellent,”Josiereplied,beaming.
“Allright,then.”Andjustlikethat,Igotanunexpectedadditiontotheoffice.
Foxwasquietaswewalkedthepalacehalls.
Itwasn’tthemostexcitingofdates,butthe
354/467
constantcloudofworryhangingovermy
headhadsappedanycreativityIhad.Still,asthephotographercheckedtheimagesonthe
backofhiscamera,heseemedpleased.
“It’skindofsadthatwecan’tgoouttoa
restaurantordosomethingfunlike…Do
youbowl?”Foxasked.
“No,”Iansweredwithalaugh.“Puttingon
shoesthatathousandotherpeoplehave
wornandputtingmyfingersintoholeswith
goodnessknowshowmanygermsinthere?”
Istuckoutmytongue.“Notmything.”
Hesmiled.“Butit’ssofun!Howcanyou
eventhinkaboutgerms?”
“Ostenonceaskedtogobowlingforhis
birthday.Werentedanentirebowlingalley
fortheafternoon.AfterIrealizedyouwere
supposedtowearusedshoes,Icouldn’tget
overit.Nomatterhowmuchdisinfectant
theysprayedinthere,Iwasn’tupforthat.
Everyoneplayed,evenMom,butIwatched.”
355/467
“That’ssad.Areyouafraidofgerms?”His
tonewasalmostmocking.
Iletthesnubgo.“No.It’sjustincredibly
unappealing.”
“Well,thatsettlesit,”hesaid.
“Settleswhat?”
“Ifyoumarryme,thefirstorderofbusi-
nessisputtinginourownpersonalbowling
alley.”
Ilaughed.
“I’mnotkidding.Maybewecoulddoaway
withthestudioandputitthere.”
“NomoreReports?”Iaskedjoyfully.
“Okay,thatmightbeatippingpointforme.
I’monboard.”
“Youcoulddesignyourownshoes!”
“Oooooh!”Icouldalreadyimaginetaking
thoseweirdshoesandmakingthemworthy
ofroyalty.Thatwouldbeafunproject.
“That’sonethingIreallylikeaboutyou,Fox.
You’regoodatlighteningthemood.”
356/467
“Ithinkwe’regood,YourMajesty,”the
photographersaid,retreating.“Thankyou.”
“Thankyou,”Icalled.“Sorryaboutthat.
Withthingsgettingtotheend,peoplereally
wantapeekintothefinalfour.”
“Oh,Idon’tmind,”hesaid.“Ifeellucky,
gettingthisfar,gettingtobewithyou.”
Irubbedmythumbacrosshishand.
“Thanks,Fox.IknowI’vebeenbusy.”
“DoIlookupset?I’monthefirstdatewith
youasqueen.Howincredibleisthat?”
Ihadn’tevenconsideredhowthatmight
betaken.I’dbeenhopingtohintthathe
mightbeleavingsoon.NowIfelttrapped.
“I’vebeensorude.Howareyoudoing?
How’syourfamily?”
“Dad’sallright.He’sbeenbraggingto
everyonewho’llstopandlisten.‘YousawFox
wasinthefinalfour,right?That’smyboy.’”
Heshookhishead.“Iguesshehasn’thad
muchtocelebrateforawhile,soeventhough
Ikindofwanttotellhimtocalmdown,I
357/467
can’t.AtleastIdon’thavetowatchit
firsthand.”
Igiggled.“Iknowwhatyoumean.My
dad’sintophotography,andhelikestodocu-
menteverylittlething.Forsomereasonit
canbewaymoreembarrassingwhenhe’s
therethanajournalist,evenwhenthey’re
doingtheexactsamething.”
“It’syourdad.It’spersonal.”
“Yeah.”
Wefellsilent,andthepalacefeltempty.
ForamomentImissedthecrowdingmassof
boyswho’dstormedintomylifebarelytwo
monthsago.IwonderedifIwouldkeep
thinkingaboutthemafterthiswasallover.
“Anyway,he’sdoingwell,allthingscon-
sidered,”Foxsaid,fillingthespace.“He’s
reallyproud,buthekeepsaskingmeques-
tionsthatI’mneverquitesurehowto
answer.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
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IwatchedFox’sexpressionshiftfromde-
terminationtoembarrassment.
“HekeepsaskingmeifIloveyou.Orifyou
loveme.I’vetoldhimthatIcan’tgowalkingintoyourofficeanddemandingadeclaration
oflove.”Hegrinned,showingheunderstood
howunreasonabletherequestwas.“Iwould
neveraskyoutotellmeyourfeelings.I’m
notsurethat’sfair.ButIthoughtyoushouldknowthatI…I…”
“Don’tsayit.”
“Whynot?Ifeltitforawhilenow,andI’ve
wantedtotellyou.”
“I’mnotreadytohearit.”Ibackedaway,
myheartpoundinginmyears.Thiswastoo
fast,toosudden.I’dhardlygottentospeaktohimrecently,andnowthis?
“Eadlyn.IwantyoutoatleastknowhowI
feel.You’regoingtohavetopicksomeone
soon,sowouldn’titbewiseforyoutohave
thisinformation?”
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Iturnedtohimandsquaredmyshoulders.
IfIcouldfacereportersanddignitaries,I
couldfaceaboy.“Tellmeeverything,Fox.”
Hissmilewastinybutsincere.“IthinkI’ve
beenagonerforyoufromthenightyoulet
mestay.Youweresokindtomeinthe
middleoftheworstnightofmylife,andI’m
desperateforyoutomeetmyfamily.Iwant
toseeyouonthebeachinClermont;Iwant
youtospendaneveningaroundthetable
withus.Inamillionways,Ithinkyou’dfit
rightinwiththeWesleys.”
Hepaused,shakinghisheadlikehe
couldn’tbelievehe’dsaidthat.
“Iwanttohelpyou.Iwanttobetherefor
youinanywayIcan.AndI’dliketothink
thatyoucouldbethereforme.Idon’tknow
howmuchlongerIhavewithmydad.I’dlike
himtoknowI’vechosenapathbeforehe
dies.”
Iclosedmyeyes,feelingoverwhelmed
withguilt.Itwasn’tthatlongagomymother
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wasonwhatIthoughtwasherdeathbed.I
understoodthatwish.
“Butthatdoesn’tmeanIcanmakeitcome
true,”Imumbled.
“What?”
“Nothing,”Ianswered,shakingmyhead
clear.“Fox,thesearebeautifulsentiments.
AndIadmireyourhonesty,butI’mnot
readytomakeanypromises.”
“I’mnotaskingyouto.”Hecamecloser,
takingmyhand.“Ijustneededyoutoknow
howIfelt.”
“Andnow,asyousaid,I’lltakeallthisintoconsiderationasI’mmakingmychoice.
Whichwillbesoon.”
Herubbedhisfingeracrossmyhand,a
gesturethatfeltlesscomfortingthanit
shouldhave.
“I’mseriousaboutyou,Eadlyn.Don’t
doubtit.”
“Oh,Idon’t,”Iwhispered.“Notinthe
slightest.”
“IDON’TUNDERSTAND,”NEENACONFESSEDthe
nextmorningasIrecountedthedatetoher.
“Isn’thimconfessinghisdevotionagood
thing?Like,maybehecouldbeoneofthe
toptwoinstead?”
Everyoneelsewasstillatbreakfast,sothe
officewasempty.Asthesunbeamed
throughthewindows,wesattogetherona
couch,legscurledbeneathus,asifthiswas
themorningafteraslumberparty.
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“Idon’tthinkso.Somethingaboutitfeltso
forced.Notthathedidn’tactuallyfeelthosethings,butitwaslikeheorchestratedamomentsoIwouldhavetohearit.”Irestedmy
headonmyhand,thelinesrepeatinginmy
head.“AndthenIfeltguilty.HetalkedabouthisdadandsaidI’dmakeagoodWesleyand
…itwasalljustoffsomehow.”
Myfreehandpickedatthehemofmyskirt
asifmyfingerscouldundomytangled
thoughts.“Ithinkwhatitwas,”Ibegan,“is
thathesaidhe’dfeltthiswaysincethenightofthekitchenfight,butwehaven’treallyhadmuchinteractionsincethen,atleastnotone-on-one.Soforhimtohavethisgrowing,
deep,seriousattractiontome…wheredoes
itstemfrom?”
Neenanodded.“It’slikehe’sinlovewith
someonehethinksyouare,notwhoyou
reallyare.”
Mywholebodywiltedinrelief.“That’sit.
That’sexactlywhatthisfeelslike.”
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“Sosendhimhome?”
Ishookmyhead.“No,IpromisedHalehe
couldleavenext.He’sready,andIdon’t
wanttodisappointhim,notaftereverything
he’sdoneforme.”
“Goodmorning,YourMajesty.Hi,Neena.”
LadyBricewalkedin,holdingamuffininher
hand.“YourMajesty,Ihavesomedocuments
fromyourbrotherforyoutoreview.Itap-
pearsFrancewantstorenegotiatetheirtrade
deal.Ithinkthiswillbetheeasiestonein
years.”
“Aww,whatahandylittlething,that
Ahren.”IwassurethiswasmoreCamille’s
doingthanhis,butIknewhispresencewas
helpful.
“Hesureis.Ialsohavethreecontractsfor
youtoreviewfromNewAsia;they’rewaiting
onyourdesk.AndtheproduceroftheRe-
portwouldliketofilmaninterviewwithyouthisafternoon,somethingabout
transition
pieces,Idon’tknow.”
364/467
“Oh,so,anice,easyday?”Ijoked.
“Asalways!”
“LadyBrice,didyouhelpDadthismuch?”
Shelaughed.“Onlyforashorttime.Once
yougrewup,hewantedyoutotakeonabig-
gerrole.Andassoonasyoufeelyou’reon
yourfeet,I’llhappilystepback,ormaybe
retire.”
Iscrambledoffthecouchandgrabbedher
bytheshoulders.“No.Notever.Youwillliveanddieinthisoffice!”
“Asyouwish,myqueen.”
“YourMajesty!YourMajesty!”someone
yelled.
“Josie?”Icalled,watchingassheranin.
“What’sthematter?”
“IwaswatchingTV.Marid.”Shewasgulp-
inginbreaths.
“WhataboutMarid?”
Sheswallowed.“Hewasseenshoppingfor
engagementrings.It’salloverthenews.”
365/467
Alltheadvisersfloodedintotheparloraswewatchedeverythingunfold.Veryquickly,the
manypeopleIdidn’ttrustwithmysecrets
weremadealltooawareofwhatMaridhad
beenplottingandjusthowclosehewascom-
ingtothecrown.
“He’sgotthelookofaking,doesn’the?”
onenewscastersaid.
“Ofcoursehedoes!He’sdescendedfrom
one!”hercohortreplied.
“Really,wouldn’tthatbesoromantic?”
“Itwould.Oh,itsowould,butsheisinthe
middleofaSelection.”
Thenewscasterbrushedherhandacross
theair.“Whocares?Letthemgo.Noneof
themhasthecharmofMaridIlléa,notbya
longshot.”
Iflippedchannels.
“Accordingtothejeweler,Mr.Illéawas
lookingatsomeratherexpensivepieces,
whichwouldonlybefittingifheisindeed
planningtoproposetothequeen.”
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“Thisisyetanotherunlikelyeventina
seriesofunprecedentedmovessurrounding
theroyalfamily.First,wehaveaSelection
ledbyaprincessinsteadofaprince.Second,wehaveayoungwomanascendingwellbeforeshe’sbeeneitherfullytrainedorher
fatherhaspassed.Andnowwehaveanout-
sidesuitortryingtostealthequeen’sheart
beforeoneoftheElitehasachance.Itisabsolutelyfascinating.”
Iflippedchannelsagain.
“Kathyherewasonhandwhentheyoung
Mr.Illéacamein.Canyoutelluswhatyou
saw?”
“Well,heseemedalittlebashfulatfirst,asifhewasn’treadytoadmitwhyhewashere.
Butafteraboutfifteenminutesofhimlinger-
ingalongthecase,itwasprettyobviouswhathewaslookingfor.”
“Anddidheseemdrawntoanythingin
particular?”
367/467
“Hehadmepulloutatleastadozendiffer-
entrings,andwhennothingwasquitewhat
hewaslookingfor,Itoldhimwecould
designapieceforhimifheliked,andhelitup.I’mhopinghecomesbacksoon.”
“SowouldyouchooseMaridover,say,Sir
HaleorSirKile?”
“Oh,goodness!Ireallycan’tsay.AllI
knowis,QueenEadlynisaveryluckywo-
mantohavesomanyeligiblemenfawning
alloverher.”
Icouldn’ttakeitanymore.Iturnedoffthe
TVandfellwithahuffontothecouch.
“Ishouldhaveknown,”Isaid.“Silence
seemedsmart,butnowhe’smadethishuge.”
Mr.Rasmusgrunted.“Weneedaplan.”
“Wehaveaplan,”Isnapped.“Isthereany-
thingwereallycouldhavedonebesidesmar-
ryingmeofffaster?”
GeneralLegerstoodwithhisbackagainst
abookshelf,stillstaringattheblankscreen.
“Wecouldkillhim.”
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Isighed.“Ireallydon’twantthattobemy
go-tomove.”
SirAndrewswasangry,too,butforallthe
wrongreasons.“Youshouldn’thavepro-
vokedhim.”
“I’vedonenothing,”Ishotback.
“Youwereactivelyignoringhim.”
“Calmdown,Andrews.”LadyBricepaced
behindthecouch,enraged.AsIwatchedher,
IcaughtJosiestandinginacorner.Shemust
havemissedheropportunitytoescapeand
wasnowtrapped,lookingafraidoftheloud
voicesandangerthatsurroundedher.“We
havetoshuthimup,onceandforall.”
“TheonlywaytodothatistogetEadlyn
engaged,”SirAndrewsstated.
“Yes,we’reaware,”LadyBriceagreedina
tiredtone.“Butsheshouldn’tberushedinto
this.Howcanshehaveanythingclosetoa
successfulmarriageifsheforcesit?”
“It’sherdutytomakeitsuccessful!”
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“Duty?She’saperson,”LadyBriceargued.
“She’sagreedtodothis,andthere’sno
reason—”
“Shehasneverbeenjustaperson!”
Andrewsremindedher.“Fromthesecond
shewasborn,she’sbeenacommodity,and
weneedto—”
General
Leger
was
moving
toward
Andrews.“Saythatagain.I’mnotafraidto
makedeathmygo-tomove.”
“Areyouthreateningme,youlittle—”
“Stop,”Ibreathed.Anditwasamazing.
Withthequietestofcommands,theentire
roomcametoastandstill.
I’dknownitwascomingforme.AndI
reallyhadcometotermswithit.Maridhad
shownhowmuchinfluencehetrulyhad,and
Ihadtofighthimoff.Icouldn’thelpworry-
ingthatevenmarriagewouldn’tkeepthe
peopleonmyside,butitwasallIhadleft.
“LadyBrice,ifyouwould,please,bringFox
370/467
totheoffice.It’stimewesaidourgood-
byes.”
“Areyousure,YourMajesty?Onceyou
narrowitdowntothree—”
“I’mnotnarrowingitdowntothree.”I
swallowed.“PleasesendHalesoonafter.I’ll
bemakingmyfinalchoicethisevening,and
wewilldoalivebroadcasttomorrownight
insteadofaReport.Nodoubt,afterthisweek,everyonewillbewatching.”
“Absolutely,YourMajesty.”
“There,SirAndrews.Youhaveyourpro-
gress.Myofficialengagementannouncement
willcomefromthepalacetomorrow
afternoon.”
“Areyousureweoughttowaitthatlong?
IfMarid—”
“IfMaridpullsanotherstupidstunt,itwill
beshotdowninlessthantwenty-fourhours.
Thatisgoodenoughforme,sir,soitiscer-
tainlygoodenoughforyou.”
Istood.Itwasdone.
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Iwascertainsomethingwouldgiveme
away,convincedthateveryoneintheroom
wouldseethatapartofmehadlostoxygen
andwassuffocatingthenandthere.Inmy
head,IwatchedEikkopackhissuitcaseand
disappearfrommylifeforever.Itwasanew
kindofpain,pressedintothisdoomedheart
ofmine.
EVERYONELEFTINAHUFFforlunch,andI
stayedintheparlor,cravingsolitude.In
truth,IcravedEikko,buttherewasnowayI
couldgettohimwithoutraisingsuspicion.
Grittingmyteeth,IturnedtheTVbackon.I
mutedit,watchingtheimagesofMaridplay
acrossthescreen.
Maybethepeoplewereright.MaybeI
shouldstepdownnow.IfwetrainedKaden
forthecrown,thatmightsaveeverything.It
373/467
wouldbehumiliatingformetoabdicateafter
lessthanaweek,butitmightatleastkeep
therestofmyfamilyfrombeingshamed.
“YourMajesty?”Josiesnuckuponme.
“CanIgetyouanything?Somefood?
Coffee?”
“No,Josie.I’velostmyappetite.”
“Idon’tblameyou,”shesaidwithatiny
smile.
“Iwanttothankyouforcomingtowarn
metoday.Iknowitdoesn’tseemlikemuch,
butthoseextrafiveminuteshelpedmebrace
myself.Itwouldhavebeenathousandtimes
worseifSirAndrewshadfoundoutfirst.”
Shewidenedhereyes.“He’shorrible.Do
theyyelllikethatallthetime?”
Inodded.“NotLadyBriceorGeneral
Leger.Buttheotherswerelikethatwith
Dad,too.It’sasiftheythinktheonlywaytomakeyouunderstandhowadamanttheyare
istoscreamaboutit.”
374/467
Wewerequietforaminute,watching
Marid’shandsomefaceonthescreen.He
certainlyhadhiswavedown.
“I’msosorry,Eadlyn,”Josiewhispered,
drawingmyfocusbacktoher.“For
everything,andforhowI’vebeen,andfor
whatyou’redealingwithnow.”
“Youhadnoidea,didyou?”Iasked,my
tonegentle.
Embarrassed,sheshookherhead.“I
thoughteveryonedidtheworkforyou,and
youjustsaidyesorno.”
“Thatitwasallpartiesandmoneyand
power?”
“Yeah.”Sheletoutanalmostlaugh.“I
can’tbelieveIspentmywholelifewantingtobeaprincessonlytoseeIcouldnever,ever
handleit.”
Ishiftedonthecouch,finallyputtingto
voiceathingI’dbeenalmostpositiveabout
fromtheverybeginning.
375/467
“IsthatwhyyouputKile’snamein?So
youcouldbeaprincess?”
Sheblushedfiercely.“Ididn’tthinkhe’d
actuallygetdrawn.Andifhedid,Ididn’t
thinktherewasanywayyou’dchoosehim.
WhenIsawthatkissonthefrontpageofthe
newspapers,Iwassoexcited.Istarted
designingtiarasinmynotebooks.”
“Andnow?”
“I’dstillliketohaveoneofmyveryown,
butIknowIhaven’tearnedit.”Shesmiled
slowly.“AndIrealizethatevenifhewins,Iwouldn’texactlybeaprincess,butitstill
feelslikeabigdeal.IlookatyourauntMay,andhowglamoroussheis,travelingaround
theworldandmeetingallthesepeopleand
lookinglikearunwaymodel.”
“Icanseetheappeal,”Iagreed.“Mom’s
siblingsdefinitelygotabetterdealthanshedidincertainways.”
AsIthoughtofmyauntanduncles,awon-
derfulideastruckme,andIwasthrilledthat
376/467
atleastonegoodthingmightcomefromthis
day.
Josieplayedwiththehemofherdress.
“Yeah,itlooksfun.ButIwaswaytooob-
sessedwithit.I’msorryIgaveyousucha
hardtime.”
“SoamI.Itwashardgrowingupwith
someonewhowantedtobemewithoutdoing
anyofthework.”
“Anditwashardformegrowingupin
yourshadow.”Sheseemedsad,unsureof
herselfnow.
“Youknow,Josie,itisn’ttoolatetofallinlovewithsomethingelse.Youhappento
haveanexcellentresourceinme,andI’dliketohelpyoufindtherightpath.Solongas
thatpathisfarawayfrommytiaras.”
Shegiggled.“Ihavenoideawhereto
start.”
“Well,you’veproventheselastfewdays
howhelpfulyoucanbe.Whatifweputyou
onthepayroll,asanofficeintern?Whatever
377/467
you’regoingtodo,you’llneedyourown
moneyforit.”
“Really?”shegasped.
“Really.”
Josieflungherselfacrosstheroom,collid-
ingwithmeinahug.Forthefirsttime,I
didn’tmindherbeingsoclose.
“Thankyou.”
“You’rewelcome.I’vegottodothegoodI
canwhileI’mhere.”
Shepulledback.“Iswear,ifyoustep
down,I’llneverforgiveyou.”
Ihadn’tmeanttogivethatmuchawayina
sentence.
“Irealizethatdoesn’tmeanmuch,but
still.Don’tdoit.Youcan’t.”
Ishookmyhead.“Iwon’t.Ipromise.As
temptingasitis,I’mtooproudtodoit.”
DearUncleGerad,
Thisletterislongoverdue.Howareyou?
How’swork?How’s…
Okay,Ineedafavor.Mylady-in-waiting’sboyfriendisalsoatalentedscientist.I’mnot
378/467
completelysureifhisfieldandyoursaresimilar,butIthoughtyoumightat
leasthaveaconnectionthatcouldgethimworkin
Angeles.Itwouldmeantheworldtoherifhewascloser,anditwouldmeantheworldtomeifshewashappier.Doyouthinkyou
couldhelp?
Friendlyreminder,I’myourqueen.
Thanksbunches!Loveyoulots!Visitsoon!
Eadlyn
FOXUNDERSTOODWHATBEINGSUMMONEDtomy
officemeant.Soherefusedtocomeandin-
steadsenthisgood-byesthroughNeena,who
arrangedforhimtostayatahoteluntilhe
couldgetaflighttoClermontthefollowing
morning.
Ifeltlow,sneakysomehow,likeI’dgotten
offtooeasy.I’dbeenpreparedforabattle.Igotaretreat.
380/467
ButHalewalkedthroughthedoorwayall
smiles,dressedtotheninesandreadyto
leavelikeagentleman.Hisarmswereopen
ashecrossedtheoffice,andIfellintothem,trustinghimtoafault.
“I’mgoingtomissyousomuch,”he
whisperedintomyear.
“Me,too.Butyouknowhowtogetahold
ofmeifyouneedto,right?”
Henodded.“Neenagavemesomeinform-
ationalongwithmyflightdetails.”
“Good.BecauseI’mprobablygoingto
needtospeakwithyousoon.”
“Oh?”heasked,steppingbackand
straighteninghissuitcoat.
“Ofcourse.Someonehastodesignmy
weddingdress.”
Halestoodthere,thesmilewipedinstantly
fromhisfaceasifhethoughtthiswassome
twistedjoke.
“Eadlyn…doyoumeanthat?”
381/467
Iheldhimbytheshoulders.“Youshielded
mewhenthepublicthrewfood.Yoube-
friendedmebeforeIwaswillingtoacceptit.
Evennowyou’veprotectedme,farpastany-
thingI’vedeserved.TheleastIcandoisbe
yourfirstclient.I’llbewatchingyour
skyrocketingcareerwithinterest,sir.”
Hiseyesglistenedwithtears,butheman-
agedtokeephimselftogether.
“I’mkindofscaredtoleave,”heconfessed.
“SomuchisgoingtochangeonceI’moutside
ofthesewalls.”
Inodded.“Butthatdoesn’tmeanit’sgoing
toallbebad.”
Helaughed.“Whendidyoubecomesuch
anoptimist?”
“Itcomesandgoes.”
“Asdomostthings,”hesaidwithasigh.
“Asdomostthings,”Iagreed.Ihugged
himonelasttime.“Haveasafeflight,and
startdesigningassoonasyougethome.”
382/467
“Areyoukidding?I’llbedesigninginthe
car!”
Halekissedmycheekandwinked.“Bye,
Eadlyn.”
“Bye.”
WithHalegone,everythingspiraledintoa
laserfocus.Thiswastheend.Thereweretwo
suitorsleft,andoneblue-eyedsoulmate.I
wasn’tsurewhotospeaktofirst.Aftersome
thought,IrealizedEikkoknewwhatwas
coming.Hewouldn’tbesurprisedbymyan-
nouncement.ButHenriwould,andIexpec-
tedhewasgoingtotakeithard.Iwouldsee
Kilefirst,andthatwouldleavemeplentyof
timetotalkthisoutcalmlywithHenri
throughthepainfuluseofhispositivelywon-
derfultranslator.
IwastremblingwhenIknockedonKile’s
door.Ihadn’tpreparedaspeechoranything.
AndwhileIassumedhe’dsayyes,Ireally
hadnoidea.Whatifhe’dsuddenlydecided
thatIwasn’tworthallthework?
383/467
Hisbutleransweredthedoorandbowed
deeply.“YourMajesty.”
“IneedtospeakwithSirKile,please.”
“I’msorry,miss,he’snothere.Hemen-
tionedgettingsomethingfromhisoldroom.”
“Oh.Well,Iknowwherethatis.Thank
you.”
Imademywayuptothethirdfloor,fol-
lowingthepathI’dtakenthenighthe’d
agreedtokissmeinthehallway.Whata
strangeturnourliveshadtaken.
Kile’sdoorwasslightlyopen,andIcould
seehimtinkeringawayinthecornerofhis
room.He’dflunghissuitjacketandtieon
thebedandwassandingasmallpieceof
wood,presumablypreparingtoattachitto
thestructurebesideit.
“CanIcomein?”
Hewhippedhisheadup,andafewstrands
ofhairfellintohisface.Itwasgettinglongagain.Itdidn’tlookasbadasIremembered.
384/467
“Heythere,”hesaid,shakingthemessoff
hishandsandcomingtogreetme.“Iwas
hopingI’dgettoseeyoutoday.”
“Oh,yeah?”
Heputanarmaroundmywaistandpulled
metothebackoftheroom.“Iwaswatching
someTVthismorning,andIkeptseeingall
thisstuffaboutMarid.”
Irolledmyeyes.“Iknow.He’sabitofa
problemrightnow.”
Hesweptsomedustoffachair,andIsat
acrossfromhim,lookingathislittlecre-
ations.Detailedsketchesinblueandblack
ink,pilesofbookswithpapersstickingout,
andhisminiaturebuildingsscatteredaround
likeatinytown.He’dmadeaworlduphere.
“Canhereallypropose?”Hesounded
nervous,likehefearedMaridmighttakeme
insteadofthecountry.
“Hecan,Isuppose,butIwon’tsayyes.”I
sighed.“TurnsoutMaridisnottheallyI
thoughthewas.He’sbeenthreateningto
385/467
swaypublicopinion,andatfirstIwasn’t
surehecoulddoit.Thenthewayhegothim-
selfintoeveryone’shousetoday…it’sbril-
liant,really.JustlikeLadyBricesaid,it’saninstant,battle-freeinvasion.”
“Invasion?Likewhat?Ishesuddenlyvy-
ingforthecrown?”
Iranmyfingersoverthelinesofoneof
Kile’sdrawings.“Idon’tthinkit’ssudden.Ithinkheandhisfamilyhavebeenlookingto
makeamoveforquiteawhile.Theinept
youngqueenwasaperfectopportunity.
“Nowhewantstobemyconsortanduse
mynametomakehisplanshappen.Myonly
hopeistogetengagedbeforehecantryto
propose,becauseI’msurethepresswilljust
gobbleitupifIrejecthim.”
“Solet’sdoit.”
“Dowhat?”
“Getmarried.Eadlyn,I’dmarryyouto-
night.Betweenthetwoofusandourfamil-
ies,there’snowayhe’dsurvive.Peoplehave
386/467
beenpullingforusfromthestart.Marryme,
Eadlyn.”
Ilookedintothesweetandworriedfaceof
KileWoodwork,andforaminuteIreally
thoughtIcould.I’dtoldmyselfitwouldall
beeasy,towalkdownanaisleandfindhim
attheend.He’dalwaysmakemelaugh.And
afterthelasttwomonthsofbeingonthe
sameside,Iknew,withoutquestion,thathe
wouldsupportmeforlife.
“Iwillconfess,Icameherejustnowto
makethatveryproposal.But…Ican’t.”
“Why?IsitbecauseIdidn’tgetdownon
oneknee?”Hedroppedinstantly,gripping
myhands.“Orwait,isitbecauseyou’resup-
posedtoask?”
Igotdownonthefloorwithhim.“No.It’s
notbecauseofanyofthat.”
Hisfacefell.“Youdon’tloveme.”
Ishookmyhead,laughing.“No,it’snot
thateither.Infact,Imightloveyoualittle
387/467
toomuch.Maybenotentirelyromantically,
butIdefinitelyloveyou.”
“Thenwhy?”
“Becauseofthis,”Isaid,motioningtothe
workaroundme.“Kile,I’llneverbeableto
tellyouhowmuchitmeanstomethatyou
wouldtakemeforlifejusttosavemefrom
oneperson.ConsideringwhatapainI’ve
been,that’samiracle.”
Hechuckled,stillholdingmyhands.
“Butallyouhaveeverwantedwastoget
awayfromthesewalls.Allyouwanttodois
build.Ithinkthat’sabeautifulthing.So
manypeopleintheworldwanttotearthings
apart.Howwonderfulisitthatyou’ddothe
opposite?”
“ButI’dgiveitup.Iwouldn’tmind.”
“Iwould.Iwouldmind.Andeventually,whenthescarysideofmylifediesdown,you
would,too.You’ddiealittlefromtheache
forit.You’dresentme.”Tearspooledinmy
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eyes.“Ican’tliveinaworldwhereyoudon’tlikeme.”
“I’llstay,Eady.I’mtellingyou,Iwantto.”
“Ican’t.”
“Youcan.Youjustsaidthatyouneededto.
Whocoulddothisbetterthanme?”
Hottearsstreameddownmyface.“Please,
don’tmakemeforcethisonyou.”
“Youcan’tmakemeleave,Eadlyn.”
Irippedmyhandsfromhisandshottomy
feet,wipingmyface.IlookeddownonKile,
mysweet,sacrificingfriend,andsteadied
myself.
“KileWoodwork,youareherebybanished
fromthepalaceforthetermofoneyear.”
“What?”hestood,ballinghisfists.
“Ascompensationforlosingyourhome,
andforservicesrenderedtotheroyalfamily,youwillhaveanapartmentfullypaidforin
Bonita.”
“Bonita?That’sontheothersideofthe
country!”
389/467
“Inaddition,fundsandmaterialswillbe
allottedtoyoutobeginahousingprojectforthehomelessintheprovince’scapitalcity.”
Hisfacesoftened.“What?”
“Ifyoufindthefundsormaterialsinsuffi-
cient,youmaywritethepalaceandrequest
more,andIwillhavethemsenttoyouas
quicklyaspossible.”
“Eadlyn…”
“Youwillalwaysbemyfamily,Kile,butI
won’tmakeyoumyhusband.Ican’tdothat
toyou.”
Hisvoicewastender.“Butyouwillmake
someoneyourhusband.Youneedtonow.”
“ItwillbeHenri.Foxleftafewhoursago,
andHalejustgotintoacar.”
Hewascompletelyfloored.“Thisisreally
theend,isn’tit?”
“AndIwaspreparedtobewithyouforthe
restofmylife.Inaway,IguessIstillcan.
ButI’dhatemyselfifIkeptyouhere.It’dbeheartless.”
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“WhataboutHenri?Willyoubehappy
withhim?”
Iswallowed.“Hedoesworshipthevery
groundIwalkon.”
Kilenodded,allowingthat.“Isupposeyou
coulddoworsethanabsolutedevotion.”
Ismiled.“Thankyou.Youhavekeptme
sanethroughsomuchofthis,butIcan’ttakeawaytheonethingyoureallycareabout.”
Henodded.“Iunderstand.”
Iwalkedtowardhim,andhefoldedmein-
toanembrace,holdingmesocloseitalmost
hurt.
Hisvoicesoundedtightwhenhefinally
spoke.“Ifthere’sanythingIcaneverdofor
you,tellme.”
Iweptintohisshirt.“Iwill.AndI’lldo
anythingyouask.”
“Exceptmarryme.”
Ipulledback,happytoseehimsmile.“Ex-
ceptmarryyou.”Iletgo,lacingmyfingers
together.“I’mgoingtomaketheofficial
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announcementtomorrow.Ineedyoutostay
untilthensothepressdoesn’tgetwindof
what’sgoingon.Afterthat,Idon’twantto
seeyourfaceforayear.Youhearme,
Woodwork?”
“Igetapassforthewedding,right?”
“Well,ofcourse,forthewedding.”
“AndChristmas?”
“Obviously.”
He
considered.
“What
about
your
birthday?”
“Well,Ahrendidsayhe’dcomeback,so
it’llprobablybeamarvelousparty.”
Henodded.“Okaythen.Ayearexceptfor
thosethreedays.”
“Perfect.Andinthemeantime,you’lljust
bedoingthethingyouwereborntodo,”I
saidwithashrug,asifthiswasallnothing.
Heshookhishead.“I’mgoingtobuild
something.I’mreallygoingtobuild
something.”
“Andyouwillchangelivesbecauseofit.”
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“Thankyou,YourMajesty.”
“You’rewelcome.”Ikissedhischeekand
ranoutofthedoorbeforeIchangedmy
mind.“I’llseeyouinthestudiotomorrow.
I’llsenddetailsonceIhavethem.”
Inthehallway,Iheldmyhandtomy
stomachandtookadeepbreath.I’dmadea
choice.SowhydidIsuddenlyfeeloutof
control?
Ihurriedbacktotheoffice,gladtoseethateveryonewasonthemove,makingtomorrowcometogetherassmoothlyaspossible.
Everyoneitseemed,exceptforme.
“LadyBrice,canyoupleasegetErikfor
me?Ineedtospeakwithhimaboutthespe-
cificsoftomorrow.”
“Consideritdone.”
IPACEDTHEOFFICE’SSIDEparlor,waitingfor
himtocome.Everysecond,themassinmy
throatgrewbigger,threateningtotrapallthewordsIhadtosaybeneathit.
“YourMajesty?”hesaidquietly,andeven
thoughtherewerepeopleswarmingaround,
hedidn’tthinktwiceaboutsmilingatmelikeIwashissunandstars.
“Ineedtospeakwithyouabouttomorrow.
Wouldyouclosethedoors,please?”Itriedto
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keepmyvoiceeven,buthisexpression
showedheknewIwasholdingback.And
thatmadetheattemptatdiminishinghow
importantthiswasthatmuchharder.
“Areyouallright?”hewhispered,even
thoughwewerealone.
Iexhaled,tryingtokeepcalm.“Notquite.”
“Accordingtothenews,youhaveanunex-
pectedsuitor,”hesaidplainly.
Inodded.
“Howlonghasthisbeenaproblem?”
“LongerthanIknew.”
“Iimaginethishascausedyouundue
stress.”
“It’sdonesomuchmorethanthat.”Iswal-
lowed.“Becauseofthisissue,Iamforcedto
announcemyengagementtomorrow.”
“Oh.”Thetinywordheldaworldofshock.
“AndduetoKilehavingotherpursuitsthat
Icouldn’tignore,Iwillbeproposingto
Henri.Today.”
Atthathecouldn’tmusterawordatall.
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Ireachedforhishand,andhegaveitto
me.Hedidn’tevenlookangry,whichwould
havebeenfairsinceI’dbackedoutofnearly
everypromiseI’dmade.Hewas,quite
simply,onlysad.AfeelingIidentifiedwith
alltoowell.
“I’msureyouunderstandthatIwillhave
toleaveaftertomorrow,”hesaidquietly.
“I’llhaveNeenafindanothertranslator.
Youshouldn’tbeforcedtoreplaceyourself.”
Mybreathinghitched,andthetearscame.
“I’mplanningongoingwithinthehourto
seehim.Doyouthink…couldyoupleasenot
beintheroom?”
Henodded.“Ifyouhadaskedmetostay,it
mightbethefirsttimeItriedtorefuseyou.”
Westoodthere,quietlyholdinghands.
Maybeifwewerestill,nothingcouldchange.
“I’dpreparedmyself,”hesaid.“Iunder-
stoodwhatwascomingandstill—”
Thepainofstandingtherewatching
Eikko’sliptremblewasacute.
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Ifellintohim.“Eikko,Ineedyoutohear
it.Justonce,Ineedyoutoknowitwithout
doubt.Iloveyou.AndifIwasfree,ifIwasmyownperson,I’descapewithyounow.But
Maridwouldusemyabsenceasareasonto
takethethrone,andmypeople.”Ishookmy
head.“Ican’t…”
Hetookmyfaceinhishands,makingme
lookintohiseyes.Thoughtheybrimmed
withtears,theywereasbeautifullyclearas
ever.“Whataprivilegeitistocomein
secondplacetoyourpeople.Whataqueen
you’vebecome,thatyoucan’tbeartopart
yourselffromthem.”
Ipulledhimtome,kissinghimasifour
livesdependedonit.Maybeitwasn’tthe
prettiestkiss,withmoistureunderournoses
andmascaraonmycheeks,butitwastheen-
capsulationofalltheotheroneswe’dnever
gettohave.
Kilewasright.Itwasthelastkissesthat
mattered.
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Isteppedback,wipingmyface.Ireally
wantedtobealadyinthismoment.I
reacheddown,slippinghisgreat-great-
grandmother’sringoffmyfinger.
“Don’tbesilly.”
“It’sanheirloom,Eikko.”
Hewrappedhishandaroundmine.“The
dayIgaveittoyou,Ihadnointentionoftakingitback.Icouldn’tgiveittoanyoneelse.”
Ismiledsadlyandputitbackinplace.
“Well,then.”Ireacheddownandpulledmy
signetringoffinstead.
“Eadlyn,thatisforroyalty.”
“Andyouwouldhavebeenanexcellent
prince.Fortherestofyourlife,you’llhaveproof.”
Westareddownatourrings.Theyweren’t
onourlefthands,butitwasascloseaswe’dget.Apartofmyheartwouldalwaysbe
lockedawayforEikko.
“Ihavetogo,”hesaid.“Heshouldbein
hisroom.”
398/467
Inodded.
Eikkogavemeafaintkissonmycheek
andwhisperedinmyear,“Iloveyou.Ihope
youhaveabeautifullife.”
Andthen,asifhecouldn’ttakeanother
second,heslippedbackoutthroughtheof-
fice,slidingthedoorclosedbehindhim.
Isatdown,grippingthearmofthecouch.
Ifeltpositivelysick.LikeImightfaint.Orvomit.Irantothedoorthatledstraightto
thehallway,dashingtomyroomasquickly
asIcould.
“Mylady?”EloiseaskedasIboltedpast
herandintothebathroom,heavingup
everythingI’deatentoday.
BetweenburstsofsicknessIwailed,furi-
ousandbrokenandjustsotired.
“Getitallout,”Eloisewhispered,coming
overwithadampcloth.“I’vegotyou.”
Shekneltbehindmeandwrappedher
armsaroundmystomach.Thepressurewas
surprisinglysoothing.
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“Ican’timaginewhatit’sliketobeyou.
Everyonehavinganopinion,everyonehav-
ingarequest.Butwhenyou’rehere,you
screamandyoucryallyouwant,okay?We’ll
getyouthroughit.”
Isobbed,turningmyselfintoherchest.
Shedidn’tevensayaword,justheldmeasI
leteverythingfloodoutofmysystem.
“Thankyou,”Isaidwhenmybreathing
hadslowed.
“Anytime.Now,doyouneedtogetbackto
work?”
“IhavetogoproposetoHenri.”
Ifshewassurprised,shedidn’tshowit.
“Firstthingsfirst.Let’swashyourface.”
AndwiththatIbegantheslowprocessof
preparingmyselfforthefirststepoftherestofmylife.
ELOISEHELPEDMEPULLMYSELFtogether,andI
lookednothingshortofmagnificentwhenI
walkeddowntoHenri’sroom.JustasI’d
donewhenIthoughtI’dendupwithKile,I
remindedmyselfthatthiswasn’tabad
choice.Henriwouldbedevotedandkind,
andwhileourmeansofcommunication
mightbeunconventionalforawhile,itdidn’tmeanthatourlifetogetherwouldn’tbea
happyone.
401/467
Hisbutleransweredthedoorandkindly
usheredmein.Henriwasathistablewith
booksopenedandapitcherofteaathisdis-
posal.Hestoodwhenhesawme,bowingina
waythatcouldonlybedescribedasjoyful.
“Hellotoday!”
Igiggled,walkingoverwiththewide
woodenboxinmyarms.“Hello,Henri.”Iset
itdownonhistableandhuggedhim,andhe
brightenedatmyaffection.“What’sallthis?”
Itouchedhisbooks,takinginthepages.
Ofcourse,evenifhehadnohelp,hewas
studyinghisEnglish.Hegrabbedatanote-
bookandhelditup,pointing.
“Iwriteforyou.Icanread,yes?”
“Oh,yes,please.”
“Okay,okay.”Hetookadeepbreathand
smiledashehelduphispapers.“‘Dear
Eadlyn.IknowIcannotbesaying,butIam
thinkingofyoueachdays.Mywordsareno
goodyet,butmyheart,’”hesaid,touching
402/467
hischest,“‘feelswhatIcannotsaying.Even
inFinnish,Iwouldsaythembad.’”
Helaughedathimselfandshrugged,andI
smiled.
“‘Youhavebeautiful,talent,smartness,
andarenice.Ihopetoshowingyouhow
goodIthinkofyou.Also,morekissing.’”
Icouldn’tnotlaugh,andhewassohappy
toseemeingoodspirits,helookedlikehe
mightburstfromit.
“Stillworking,”hesaid,sittingthenote-
bookdown.“Um,IgettingErik?”
“No,”Isaid.“Justyou.”
Helookednervousattryingtocommunic-
atewithmeonhisown.Buteventhiswas
betterthanwe’deverdonebefore.Henod-
ded,rubbinghishandstogethertogetout
someofhisnervousenergy.
“Henri,youlikeme,yes?”
Henodded.“Yes.Likeyou.”
“Ilikeyou,too.”
Hesmiled.“Good!”
403/467
AndagainIfoundmyselflaughing.See,
Eadlyn,thiswouldbefine.
“Henri…Henri,wouldyoumarryme?”
Hesquintedforamomentbeforehiseyes
widenedinsurprise.
“Imarryyou?”
“Yes,ifyouwouldliketo.”
Hesteppedback,smilingasalways,but
therewassomethinginhisexpressionI
couldn’tname.Disbelief?Doubt?Butaftera
flickerofasecond,itdisappeared.
“Wait,wait.”Hedroppedtohisknees,
clutchingbothofmyhands.“Youwillmarry
me?”
“Yes.”
Helaughedandwenttokissingmyhands
overandover,finallystoppingandstaringatthemforawhile,likehecouldn’tbelievehe
wasgoingtoholdthemfortherestofhislife.
“Comehere,”Isaid,urginghimtostand.
404/467
Heembracedme,holdingmetight.Andas
sweetasallthiswas,Iwasfightingtheurgetocryagain.
“Youhavetogivemearing,”Isaid,and
openedtheboxonthetable,takingin
Henri’saudiblegasp.
Setinthebluevelvetweretwenty-fivedif-
ferentengagementrings,ranginginsizeand
colorbutallbefittingaqueen.
Hestaredatthemasecondbeforeturning
tome.“Ipickforyou?”
“Yes.”
Hemadeaface,alittleoverwhelmedwith
hisoptions.Henriranhisfingeroverthe
dreamy
combinations
of
garnet
and
amethystandlingeredoverthediamondsso
flatandwide,youcouldgoice-skatingon
them.Butthenhefoundalargepearl,setin
ablushingrosegoldandsurroundedbya
stringofdiamonds.Heheldituptohisface
andnodded.
“Foryou.”
405/467
Iheldoutmylefthand,andheslippedon
themassive,gorgeousring.
“Good,good?”heasked.
ThatwaswhatIwouldhavetobesatisfied
with.Notperfect.Notblissful.Butgood.
And,forme,aftereverymistakeI’dmade
alongtheway,thatshouldcertainlybe
enough.
Ismiled.“Good,good.”
“Yougotadelivery,”Eloiseannounced.
Ilookedatthepackage,notsurewhatit
was,asIhadn’tbeenexpectinganything.I
settheboxofringsbesideit,fanningoutmyfingers.
“Whatdoyouthink?”Iasked.
Eloise’seyeswidened.“I’veneverseen
anythinglikeit.”
“Well,theymadetwenty-fivedifferent
ringsforthis,alloneofakind.Abitoverthetop,butI’mgladthisonewasinthere.Easilyoneofmyfavorites.”
406/467
“Itlooksbeautifulonyou,miss.”She
smiledatme.“Isthereanythingelseyou
needorwouldyouratherbealone?”
“Alonefornow,Ithink.”
“Excellent.Callwhenyou’rereadyfordin-
ner,andI’llberightup.”
Inodded,andshedisappearedaroundthe
door,thehemofherdresshittingitasshe
left.
InevershouldhavedoubtedNeena.
Igrippedthebackofthechairatmytable,
tryingtotakethingsonebreathatatime.I’dnearlylostsomuch,butIhadtoremember
howmuchI’dgained.Iwasqueen,andIwas
engaged.I’dfinallylearnedwhatitwastoseeotherpeopleandwhatitmeanttoletother
peopleseeme.Istillhadsomuchtoaccom-
plish,somanythingsIwantedtodoformy
familyandformypeople.IhopedI’dfirmly
settledmyselfinaplacewhereIcoulddo
that.
407/467
Sighing,Icuriouslyunwrappedthethin
boxinfrontofme.Islidoffthelidand
gasped.
Staringbackatmewasabeautifulimage
ofmyfamilyoncoronationday.Osten
lookedlikehewasplottingsomethingmis-
chievousasalways,andAhrenwassohand-
some.AllKadenneededwasaswordinhis
hand,andtheimageofaperfectlygallant
princewouldhavebeencomplete.Iflipped
tothenextpicture,andwewerethereagain
inaslightlydifferentpose.Itorethroughthebox,takinginshotaftershot,beamingwith
happiness.LadyBriceclenchedmeinahug,
Kilelaughedashecradledmeinhisarms,
andtheLegersstoodwithahandoneachof
myshouldersasifIreallywastheir
daughter.
Thesemomentsfeltsofarawaynow.It
wasalmostasifIwaslookingatanothergirlinallthesephotos.Alittletimeandhope
wasallittooktochangeaperson.
408/467
WhenIgottothepictureswithEikko,they
stoodinstarkcontrasttoalltheothers.I’dtakenoffmycapeandhewasinhisvest,and
IrealizedthatIhadsubconsciouslyposedus
liketwopeopleinlove.Myhandrestedon
hischestasheheldontomywaist,andmy
headwastiltedslightlytowardhim,likehis
hearthadagravitationalpull.
Istaredatmyfavoritepictureforavery
longtime,thinkinghowamazingitwasthat
thephotographerhadcapturedthelightin
hiseyes.Justhoursafterthiswastaken,I’dstaredintothoseeyes,beenheldbythose
arms.HowremarkablewasitthatIhadthis
pictureatall?Haditnotbeenfortheothers,hemightnothaveevenwalkedoverwithme,
whisperingFinnishinmyear.Itoldmyself
thatI’dbeenluckywemetinthefirstplace.
HadIfoughtmyparents,hadHenrinotbeen
braveenoughtoapply,hadImovedmyhand
twoinchestotherightwhenIpulledouthis
envelope…
409/467
Itookthephotoandwalkedovertothe
drawerwhereI’dbeenhidingmytreasures.I
smiled,lookingdownatmylittlecollection
andrememberingthepasttwomonthswith
asenseofgratitude.
Henri’sshirtthathemadeintoanapron.
Kile’shideoustiethatpreventedworld
peace.Hale’spin,stabbedthroughascrapa
fabric,remindingmetokeepittogether.
Fox’sembarrassingstick-figuredrawing.
Gunner’spoemthatIreallydidn’tevenneed
onpaperbecauseIcouldn’tforgetitifItried.
ThesewerethethingsI’dsaved.
Istoodthere,thephotohoveringabove
thedrawer.Asmuchofatreasureasthispic-
turewas,Icouldn’tdropitin.Therewasno
wayIcouldputmyEikkoinabox.
BEFOREWHATWOULDBETHEmostimportant
dayofmylifecouldevenbegin,Iwas
summonedtotheWomen’sRoom.Mymoth-
ercouldhaveheldcourtanywhere,andIstilldidn’tunderstandwhatmadesomemassive
parlorherfavoriteplacetodoit.Allthe
same,shehadcalled,andIwascoming.
MissLucywasthere,andsowasAunt
May.Ididn’tknowwholetslipthenewsto
her,butIwassothrilledInearlybolted
411/467
acrosstheroomtoher.ButthenIsawthat
mybelovedauntwasnotthereasonI’dbeen
called.MissMarleewasweepingintoMom’s
shoulder.
Shelookedupandzeroedinonme.“Ifyou
didn’twanttomarryhim,fine,but
why—WHY—didyoubanishhim?HowamI
supposedtolivewithoutmychildren?”
“Josiewillstillbehere,”Iremindedher
gently.
Sheheldupafingeratme.“Don’tget
smart.Youmaybequeen,butyouarestill
justachild.”
Mom’seyesdartedbetweenus,unsure
whattodo:defendadaughterwhowasold
enoughtodefendherselfbutherdaughter
nonetheless,orcomfortafriendwhoseson
wasleavingherwithverylittlewarning—a
painsheunderstoodintimately.
“MissMarlee,youhavetoletmeexplain.”
Icrossedtheroom,watchinghercrumplein-
toachair.“IloveKile.He’sbecomemore
412/467
precioustomethanIevercouldhaveexpec-
ted.Andthetruthis,hewouldhavestayed
forme.Hemighthaveevenstayedforyou.
Butdidyoureallywantthat?”
“Yes!”sheinsisted,lookingupatmewith
redeyes.
“Italmostliterallybrokemymother’s
heartwhenAhrenleft.Itbrokemine.Does
thatmeanheshouldhavestayedhere
forever?”
Shedidn’tanswerthat.IsawthatMom’s
eyesweredowncast,andshepursedherlips,
likemaybeshewasonlyunderstandingthis
herselfnow.
“Iknowwe’renotsupposedtotalkabout
thethingsthatmakeusuncomfortable.Like
howyourhandsendedupcoveredinscars,”
Isaid,staringMissMarleedown.“Butwe
needtotalkaboutit.It’sremarkablewhat
youdidforlove,andIamjealousofand
awedbyyou.”
413/467
Herfacepulledtogether,tearsspilling
again,andIfoughttokeepmyselftogether.Ihadtoomanypeoplecountingonmetoday.
“Weallknowwhatyoudid,andweall
knowhowyouwererestored,andIunder-
standthatyouthinkyouaresomehowper-
manentlyindebtedtoourfamily,butyou’re
not.MissMarlee,whatelsedoyouthinkwe
couldwantfromyou?”
Shestillsaidnothing.
“Askmymother.Shedoesn’twantyou
trappedhere.Youcangowithyoursonifyou
wantto.Youcouldtraveltheworldasdignit-
ariesifyoulike.Tothinkthatbecauseyour
lifewasspareditisnolongeryoursisalie.
Andtopassthatburdenontoyourchildren?
Tomakeagifted,talented,passionateyoung
manspendhisbestyearscoopedupbehind
thesewalls?That’scruel.”
MissMarlee’sheadfellintoherhands.
“Youcouldhavegone,”Momwhisperedto
her.“Ithoughtyouknew.”
414/467
“Itdidn’tfeellikethat,notforme.Carter
andIwouldhavediedyearsagoifitwasn’t
foryouandMaxon.Ididn’tfeellikeIcould
evernotbeintheprocessofthankingyou.”
“YoubefriendedmewhenIwasastranger.
Youtalkedmedownfromwalkingoutofthe
Selection.YouheldbackmyhairwhenIhad
morningsickness.Remember,becauseital-
wayshappenedintheafternoon?”
Theybothlaughed.
“WhenIwasscaredofthisjob,youtold
meIcoulddoit.Youhelpedstitchupabul-
letwound,forcryingoutloud.”
Iwasabouttoaskaboutthatonebut
chosetoletitgo.
MissLucywalkedoverandkneltbeside
MissMarlee,takingherhand.“Wehavea
verytangledpast,don’twe?”shesaid.Mom
andMissMarleesmiled.“We’vemademis-
takesandkeptsecretsanddoneplentyof
foolishthingsalongwiththegood.Butlook
415/467
atus.We’regrownwomen.Andlookat
Eadlyn.”
Thethreeofthemdidjustthat.
“Shouldshebelookingatherselftwenty
yearsfromnowboundbyeverylittlelapsein
judgment?Feelingchainedbythem?”
Iswallowed.
“Shouldwe?”MissLucyconcluded.
MissMarlee’sshouldersslumped,andshe
pulledMomandMissLucyclose.
Iwatchedthis,feelingaknotinmythroat.
Adaywouldcomewhenmymotherwould
nolongerbehere,whenmyauntcouldno
longervisit,andtheseladieswouldmove
away.ButthentherewouldbemeandJosie
andNeena,withdaughtersandcousinsand
friends.Wewouldlivetogetherandweave
ourlivesintooneanother’sandholdontoa
sacredsisterhoodthatonlyahandfulofwo-
meneverexperienced.
AndIwasgladthatmymomhadchosen
tocomehere,acrossthecountry,tothe
416/467
homeofastranger,andtrustedagirlona
planeandbefriendedthegirlwhodrewher
baths,andthatnomatterifandwhenthey
parted,theywouldneverbeseparated.Not
really.
THESTUDIOHADBEENGIVENamakeover.While
discussingmyengagementinfrontofan
audienceoffriends,family,andstaffmem-
bersasIwasbroadcastliveacrossthecoun-
trywasn’texactlythelevelofintimacyI’d
beenaimingfor,sometimesagirljusthasto
takewhatshecanget.
Isearchedtheroom,lookingforMomand
Dad.Ineededtoseethem,toseetheirsmilesatmychoice.Iftheywerehappyandcalm,
418/467
thenIcouldbe,too.Buttheyweren’there,
yet.Kaden,however,was.
Iwatchedfromthedoor,seeinghimstare
acrosstheroomasifhe’dbeenslightlybe-
witched.HespookedalittlewhenIcameup
nexttohim.
“Youokay?”
Heclearedhisthroatandlookeddownat
hisfeet,blushing.“Yeah,everything’sgreat.
Justhangingout.”
IfollowedhisgazetoseeifIcouldfigure
outwhathe’dbeenlookingat,anditin-
stantlybecamealltooclear.Josiehadgiven
uponelaboratehairstylesandexcessivejew-
elry.She’dabandonedheavymakeupand
showygowns.Lookingathernow—hair
slightlycurled,thehintofglossonherlips,andanage-appropriatebluedress—it
seemedshewasfinallysteppingintoher
shoesinsteadofmine.
“Josie’s
really
pretty
tonight,”
I
commented.
419/467
“Oh?Ihadn’tnoticed.Butnowthatyou
mentionit,yeah,shelooksnice.”
MissMarlee,seemingbreezyandpeaceful,
saidsomethingtoMr.Carter,andJosie
laughed,thesoundstillalittletooloudformyearsbutprettynonetheless.
“Sinceyou’renotoncamerafortheshow,
maybeyoushouldgositwithher.Itlooks
likeshe’sgotanopenseat.”IpeekeddownatKaden,watchingalittlesmiletwitchontohisfacebeforehecovereditbackupagain.
“Isuppose.Imean,Idon’treallyhave
planstositwithanyoneelse.”
Hewalkedovertoher,straighteninghis
suitthewholeway,andIfoundmyselfdying
toknowhowallthatwouldunfold.
“Eadlyn.”
IturnedtoMom’svoice,happytoseeher
comingoverwithopenarms.
“Howareyoufeeling?”
“Totallywonderfulandnotatallterrified,”
Ijoked.
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“Don’tworry.Henri’sagoodchoice.An
unlikelyone,butverygoodstill.”
Ipeekedtothebackoftheroomwhere
EikkowasstraighteningHenri’stie,andthey
spokebackandforth,theirlipsajumbleof
shapesIcouldn’tread.
“What’sfunny,though,isthere’snothing
tobejealousabout.”
IlookedupatMom,confused.“Jealous?”
“Earliertodaywhenyouwerespeakingto
Marlee,yousaidyouwerejealousofwhat
shedidforlove.”
“DidIsaythat?”Iswallowed.
“Youdid.AndIwonderwhyyou’dbejeal-
ousofsomeonesufferingtogettotheperson
sheloveswhenitseemslikeaverysweetboy
iswaltzingrightintoyourarms.”
Ifroze.HowcouldIspinthisaround?
“Maybeabetterwordwouldhavebeenad-
mire.It’saverybravethingshedid.”
Momrolledhereyes.“Ifyouwanttolieto
me,that’sfine,butI’dsuggestyoustopdoing
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ittoyourselfbeforeyoufindyou’reinapositionyoucan’tgetoutof.”
Withthatshewalkedon,takingaseatnext
toMissLucyandGeneralLeger.Thestudio
wasusuallycold,butIfeltsurethatthechillthatwentthroughmewasn’trelatedtothe
temperature.
“Andyou’llwaitrighthere,”theproducer
said,draggingHenritostandbesideme.“We
stillhavesometime,butdon’tgorunning
off.HasanyoneseenGavril?”sheshoutedto
nooneinparticular.
HenripointedtothetiethatEikkohad
justfixed.“Isgood?”
“Yes.”Ibrushedathisshouldersand
sleeves.IlookedpasthimtoEikko,whohad
doneanamazingjobatpullinghimselfto-
gether.IhopedIappearedascalmonthe
outsideashedid.InsideitfeltlikeIwasasweaterwithaloosestringbeingpulledand
pulleduntilI’dbenothingbutaknotonthe
floor.
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IwalkedaroundHenriundertheguiseof
double-checkinghissuitfromallangles.I
droppedmyarmasIpassedEikko,andour
fingersmetinakissbeforeImovedbackto
standinfrontofmyfiancé.
Thethrillrunningupmyskinwaselectri-
fying,soIclaspedmyhandstogetherinfrontofme,focusingonthefeelingofmyengagementringagainstthebackofmyfingers.In
myperiphery,Eikko’sfiguredisappeared
throughthecrowd,presumablysohecould
findhisownlevelofsanityinthismoment.
“So,”Iasked,facingHenri,“areyou
ready?”
Helookedatme,hisusuallyjubilantex-
pressiondim.“Areyou?”
Iwantedtosayyes,andIcouldhearthe
wordinmyhead,butIcouldn’tmanageto
workitdowntomymouth.SoIjustsmiled
andnodded.
Hesawrightthroughme.
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Takingmyhand,hepulledmetowardthe
backoftheroom,towardEikko.
“Envoi,”Henrisaid,histonemoresolemnthanI’deverheardit.
Eikko’seyesflashedbetweenus.“Miksi
ei?”
“Iamslowhere,”Henrisaid,pointingto
hismouth.“Nothere.”Hepointedtohis
eyes.
Mybreathingspedup,knowingmylife
wasallabouttofallapart,andterrifiedof
whatmighthappenafteritdid.
“Youarelove,”hesaid,motioningbetween
us.
WhenEikkostartedtoshakehishead,
Henrisighedandpickeduphisrighthand,
pointingtothesignetring.Andthenhe
pickedupmine,whichstillworeEikko’s.
“Eikko,pleaseexplaintohim.Ihavetofol-
lowthroughwithmySelection.Tellhimhe’ll
neverneedtodoubtme.”
424/467
Eikkorattledoffmyappealquickly,but
Henri’sexpressionremainedundeterred.
“Please,”Ipleaded,grabbingontohisarm.
Hisexpressionwasincrediblysweetwhen
hespoke.“Isayno.”Hepickedupmyhand
andgentlypulledoffmyengagementring.
Theroomstartedturningfuzzyatthe
edges.Iwasminutesawayfromalivean-
nouncement,andI’djustbeenjilted.
Henrigrabbedmyface,lookingdeeplyin-
tomyeyes.“Loveyou,”hevowed.“Love
you.”ThenheturnedandclutchedEikko’s
arm.“Andloveyou.Mygoodfriend.Very
goodfriend.”
Eikkoswallowed,lookingreadytocry
fromHenri’swords.Throughmostofthelast
twomonths,allthey’dhadwereeachother.
Forgetwhatthismomentmeantforme.
Whatdiditmeanforthem?
Henripulledusbothinclose.“Youbeing
together.Imakeyourcake!”
425/467
Despitemyworries,Ilaughed.Lookingin-
toEikko’seyes,Iachedtoletgoandgivemyhearttheonethingittrulywanted.ButI
couldn’tgetpastmyfear.
Iscannedtheroom,searchingfortheone
personIneededrightnow.WhenIfound
him,Iturnedtomyboys.“Waithere.
Please.”
Iranacrossthestudio.“Daddy!Dad,I
needyourhelp.”
“Sweetheart,what’swrong?”
Itookadeepbreath.“Idon’twantto
marryHenri.IwanttomarryEikko.”
“Who?”
“Erik.Histranslator.I’minlovewithhim,
andIwanttomarryhim.Andeventhough
hehateshavinghispicturetaken,Iwantto
takeathousandsoIcanputhimonmywall
andwakeuptouslaughingeveryday,just
likeyoudowithMom.AndIwanthimto
makemedoughnuts,justlikehismomdoes
forhisdad.EvenifIhavetoletoutallmy
426/467
dresses.AndIwantustofindourownthing
ormaybefindoutthatourownthingis
everything,becauseIfeellikeifIhavehim,eventhestupidstuffwouldmatter.”
Hestoodthere,mouthslightlyagape.
“ButawordfromyouandI’llnevermen-
tionitagain.Iwanttodotherightthing,andIknowyou’dneverletmedo
somethingstupid.TellmewhatIshoulddo,andIwon’t
questionit,Dad.”
Helookedupattheclock,hiseyesstill
widewithshock.“Eadlyn,youonlyhavesev-
enminutes.”
Ifollowedhisgaze,andhewasright.It
wasseven’til.
“Sohelpme.Tellmewhattodo!”
Afterastunnedsecond,heturnedbackto
meandpulledmeoutthestudiodoor.
“Weallknowthatyouwantedtomovefast
becauseofMarid,andIthinkthere’ssome
valuetoyourlineofthought.Butyoucan’t
letonebullydecidetherestofyourlife.
427/467
Trustme.Youdon’thavetoannounceany-
thingtoday.”
“That’snotthepoint.Iwanttobewith
Eikkosomuchithurts,butI’vedoneso
manyselfish,idioticthingsinthepastthatIfearthepeoplewon’tforgivemeifIbreak
eventhetiniestrule.Ican’tbeartoletthemdown,Dad.Ican’tbeartoletyoudown.”
“Me?Letmedownoverasillylittlerule?”
Heshookhishead.“Eadlyn,youcomefrom
alonglineoftraitors.Youcouldn’tletme
down.”
“What?”
Hesmiled.“Yourbrotherrunningoffto
Francewastechnicallyenoughtostartawar
over.Ithinkheknewthat.Diditstophim?”
Ishookmyhead.
“Yourmother,”hesaidwithalaugh.“She
conspiredwiththeItaliangovernmentto
fundtheNorthernrebels,amovethatwould
havesenthertohergravehadmyfather
foundout.”
428/467
Istoodthere,stunned.
“Andme?I’vebeenkeepingsomeonewho
oughttobedeadaliveforovertwentyyears.”
“TheWoodworks?”Iguessed.
“Ha!No,Iforgotaboutthem,thoughoffi-
ciallytheywerepardoned.It’sactually
someonemuchmoredangerousintheeyes
ofthemonarchy.”
“Dad,Idon’tunderstand.”
Hesighed,lookingupanddownthehall,
checkingforspyingeyes,beforequicklyun-
buttoninghisshirt.“I’mafraidthere’sonly
onewaytoexplainthis.”Heturnedaround
andswiftlyshovedhisshirtdownalongwith
hissuitcoat.
IgaspedinhorrorasItookinmyfather’s
back.Hewascoveredinmarks,somewide,
asifthey’dhealedwithoutanytreatment,
andsomeskinnyandpuckered.Theredidn’t
appeartobeanyuniformitytothemarksex-
ceptthattheyallmusthavecomefromthe
samecaneorwhip.
429/467
“Daddy…Daddy,whathappenedtoyou?”
“Myfatherhappenedtome.”Hepulledhis
shirtbackonandbuttoneditasfastashe
could,speakinginarush.“SorryInevertookyoutothebeach,honey.Ijustcouldn’tdoit.”
Myposturesank.Ofallthethingstoapo-
logizefor.“Idon’tunderstand.Whydidhe
dothattoyou?”
“Tokeepmeinline,tokeepmequiet,to
makemeabetterleader…hehadamyriad
ofreasons.Butthereareonlytwoofthese
beatingsyouneedtoknowabout.Thefirstis
onethathappenedafteryourmotherpro-
posedweeliminatethecastes.”
Heshookhishead,almostsmilingashe
remembered.“ShechosetosaythisonaReportwhileshewasstillintheSelection.Ofcoursemyfather,whoalreadyhatedher,saw
thisasathreattohiscontrol.Whichitwas.
Suchasuggestionistreasonous.LikeIsaid,
itrunsinthefamily.Iworriedhewould
430/467
punishher,soIlethimtakeitoutonme
instead.”
“Oh,mygoodness.”
“Indeed.ThatwasthelastbeatingIever
endured,andforthelifeofme,I’llneverregretit.I’dtakeitahundredtimesoverfor
her.”
I’dneverknownaboutthat.AllI’dever
knownwasthattheytookoncasteelimina-
tiontogether.Somanyoftheunpleasantde-
tailsoftheirhistoryhadbeenglossedover.
Therewasplentyofawfulalongwiththe
wonderful.
“Ialmosthatetoask,butwhatwasthe
otheroneIneededtoknowabout?”
Hesnappedthelastofhisbuttonsand
sighed.“Thefirstone.”
Iswallowed,unsureifIwantedtohear
thisstoryornot.
“Yousee,myfatherwasaveryconceited
man.Hethoughttheworldowedhim
everythingbecausehewasking.And,really,
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hehadnoreasontobeunhappy.Hehad
power,awonderfulhome,awifewhoadored
him,andhisveryownsontocarryonthe
line.Butitwasneverenough.”
Hiseyesstaredunfocused,andIwatched
him,stillnotunderstanding.“Ialwaysknew
whenhismistresswascoming.He’dgivemy
motheragiftearlierintheday,asifhewaspayingforhissinsbeforehecommitted
them.Then,atdinner,he’dfillherwineglassoverandoveruntilshewas
readytopass
out.And,ofcourse,shekeptherquartersin
theotherwing.Iassumethatwashisidea,
nothers.Ican’timaginehereverintention-
allyseparatingherselffrommyfather.Genu-
inely,sheworshippedhim.
“Anyway,IwaselevenorsowhenIwas
walkingthroughthepalaceandcaughther
leavingonenight,hairamessandacape
overhershouldersasifshecouldcoverup
whatshe’ddone.Iknew.Iknewwhyshewas
there,andIhatedherforit.MorethanI
432/467
hatedhim,whichwasunfair.Assoonasshe
wasgone,Iwenttomyfather.Hewasinhis
robe,drunkandsweaty.AndIsaidto
him—I’llneverforgetit—Isaid,‘Youcannot
letthatwhoreinhereagain.’AsifIcouldtellthekingwhattodo.
“Hegrabbedmebymyarmsohardhedis-
locatedmyshoulder.Heputmeonthefloor
andcanedmeacrossthebackIdon’tknow
howmanytimes.Iwassodizzywithpain,I
passedout.Iwokeupinmyroomwithmy
arminasling.AsIcameto,mybutlersaidIshouldn’troughhousewiththeguards,thatI
wastooyoungtoconsiderthemplaymates.”
Dadshookhishead.“Idon’tknowwhogot
firedorworsetomakethatstoryseemlegit,
butIknewIwassupposedtokeepquiet.And
Iwassosmall,Ididn’tdarerisktellinganyone.AsIgotolder,Ihiditbecauseofshame.
Andthen,somehowinmyhead,Iturnedit
intosomethingtobeproudof.Ienduredthis
sufferingalone,withoutsupport,andthat
433/467
wassomethingadmirable.Ofcourse,it
wasn’t.Itwasstupid,butwemakeexcuses
forourselveswhenwe’resmall.”
Hegavemeaweaksmile.
“I’msosorry,Dad.”
“It’sokay.It’smademeastrongerperson
and,Ihope,abetterparent.IhopeI’vedonerightbyyou.”
Myeyeswelled.“Youhave.”
“Good.Well,toansweryourquestion,a
fewyearslaterIthoughtmyfatherreallyhadgottenridofhismistress.AsIsaid,Iknew
whenhewasplanningtobringher,andI
watchedforhimtogointotheoldroutine
andevensnuckoutseveralnightsjusttobe
sure.Shewasgoneformonthsandmonths,
andthen,oneday,thereshewas,walking
downthehallwayasifsheownedtheplace.
“Iwasfilledwithsomuchangeratthis
woman,iratethatshehadthegalltoshow
herfacewhilemymothersleptjustaround
thecorner.SoIstoppedherandtoldher
434/467
somethingtothateffect.Shecockedher
headandsmirkedatme,likeIwasabug,
likeIwasnothing.Thensheloweredherface
tomyearandwhispered,‘I’lltellyourlittlesisteryousaidhello.’Andshewalkedaway,
leavingmecompletelygobsmacked.Imust
havestoodthereforasolidtenminutes,too
stunnedtomove.
“Didshesaythatsimplytomakeadigat
me?DidIreallyhaveahalfsisterIdidn’t
knowabout?Iwasn’tgoingtobegherforan-
swers,anditwasclearthatIcouldn’tgoto
myfather.Itwasn’tuntilafterhediedthatIcouldevenattempttolookfor
her.”
Heswallowed.“Here’sthething,though.
Illegitimatechildrenofaroyalfamilymem-
berarenotallowedtolive.”
“What?Why?”
“Ithinkbecausetheymightcauseathreat
totheroyalline.Civilwarorpoliticalunrestdoesnooneanygood.Evennow,lookatthe
troubleMaridhasmade.Sointhepastwe
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eliminatedthosethreatsassoonastheywere
discovered.”Hesaidallthiscoldly,discon-
nectedinaway.
“Sodidyoukillher?”
Hesmiledtohimself.“No.Iwasen-
chantedwithherthemomentIlaideyesher.
Shewasjustachild,andshehadnoidea
whoherfatherwas.Itwasn’therfaultshe’d
beenbornhalfroyal.SoItookherawayfrom
hermother,kepthernearme,andhavebeen
protectinghereversince.”
Hefinallyriskedmeetingmyeyes.
“LadyBrice?”Iasked.
“LadyBrice.”
Ididn’tknowwhattosay.Ihadanother
aunt.Andshe’ddoneasmuchformeasany-
oneelseinmyfamilyrecently.Morethan
some,really.Iwasindebtedtoher.
“Ifeelbadkeepingherintheshadows,”he
admitted.
“Iknow.Ifshehasroyalblood,Ifeellike
shedeservesmore.”
436/467
“It’snotpossible.Andsheunderstands
that.She’sthankfulenoughtobehere,”he
answered.Andthoughwebothknewthe
truthofit,Icouldseewedidn’tagreethatitwassatisfactory.“Soyousee,Ihavecommittedtreasoneverysingledayforthelast
twentyyears.Yourmotherhas,yourbrother
has.IdaresayKadenmightbetheonlyone
whomakesitoutwithouteverbreakinga
rule.”
Ismiledatthetruthtothat,dreadingjust
howmanyOstenwoulddestroy.
“Breakthestupidrule,Eadlyn.Marrythe
manyoulove.Ifhe’sgoodenoughforyouto
approveof,thenIcertainlydo.Andifthe
peopledon’t,thatcanbetheirproblem.Be-
causewhoareyou?”
“I’mEadlynSchreave,andnooneinthe
worldisaspowerfulasme,”Iblurted
withoutthought.
Henodded.“Damnrightyouare.”
437/467
Theproducerburstthroughthedoor.
“Thankgoodness!Youhavetenseconds.
Run!”
IBOLTEDINTOTHEROOM,searchingforEikko.Icouldn’tseehimthroughthethrongof
peoplewho’dbeenscurryingaroundhunting
forme.
Itrippedontothestageasthelightonthe
cameraturnedred,andIbrushedmyhair
outofmyfaceasIbeganspeakingwithabso-
lutelynoideawheremywordswouldtake
me.
439/467
“Goodevening,Illéa.”Ibrokealltherules
I’dlearnedaboutpublicspeaking.Mypos-
turewasatrocious,mytonewasuneven,and
Ididn’tbotherlookingintothecamerabe-
causeIwastoobusysearchingforEikko.
“Wehaveabitofasurpriseforyoutonight.
OnthisspecialeditionoftheReport,Ihaveanimportantannouncement.”
FinallyIspottedhim,halftuckedbehind
Henri.
“PleasejoinmeinwelcomingMr.Eikko
Koskinentothestage.”
Theroomapplauded,andIstoodthere
hopinghe’dbravethecamerasforme.Eikko
swallowedandstraightenedhistieasHenri
pattedhisback,urginghimtomove.
Itookhishandandinvitedhimtostand
besideme,feelingalittlelight-headedand
worriedthathemaybefeelingthesameway.
“Someofyoumightrememberthisgentle-
manfromaReportafewweeksago.HeisSirHenri’stranslator,andsincehisarrivalat
440/467
thepalace,hehasprovenhimselfintelligent,kind,honorable,funny,andadozenother
thingsIdidn’trealizeIwanteduntilIsaw
theminhim.”Ilookedover,andsomething
abouthisexpression,thehopefulnessinhis
eyes,calmedme.Iforgotaboutthecameras.
“Assuch,I’vefallenhopelesslyinlovewith
him.”
“AndIwithyou,”heansweredsoquietly,
noonemayhaveevennoticed.
“EikkoPetteriKoskinen,wouldyoudome
theextraordinaryhonorofbecomingmy
husband?”
Heletoutonebeautiful,disbelieving
laugh,andtheworldstoodstill.Therewas
nofallingtokneesorscramblingforrings.Itwasjusthimandme.
Andmillionsofpeoplewatching.
Heturned,andIfollowedhiseyes,know-
inghewaslookingforHenri.Hisfriend
stoodtherewavinghishandsandmouthing
yesexaggeratedly,wild-eyed.
441/467
“Yes,”Eikkofinallysaid,laughingashe
answered.
Iflewathim,wrappingmyarmsaround
hisneckandpullinghiminforakiss.Iwas
vaguelyawareofapplauseandwhistles,but
thejoyfulpoundingofmyheartdrownedout
mostofit.
AcornerofmymindtoldmeIshouldbe
worriedabouthowthecountrymightreact,
howthingswouldunfoldaftertonight.But
therestofmesilencedthatworry,andI
knew,withpureandperfectcertainty,that
I’dfoundmysoulmate.
Ipulledbacktolookathim,indescribably
happy.
Afterasecond,confusionsettledonhis
face.“So…whatdoIdonow?”
Ismiled.“Juststandtothesideforamo-
ment.Ihavesomethingelsetotakecareof.
AndthensomuchIwanttotalktoyou
about.”
“Samehere.”
442/467
Theclappingdimmed,andIstaredinto
thecamera,toocontenttobeafraidany-
more,andtoldmypeoplethetruestthingI
knew.
“IamawarethatI’veonlybeenyourqueen
forafewdays,butinthatshortwhile,and
foralongtimebefore,Ihavebeenverywor-
riedaboutmyplaceinyourhearts.I’mnot
sureI’lleverunderstandwhyI’vecomeup
againstsuchdisapproval,butI’monlynow
seeingthatIshouldn’tcare.Mylifeshould
bewhollymine,notyours.
“And,conversely,yourlivesshouldbe
whollyyours,notmine.”
InthatmomentIfeltthemoodinthe
roomshift,andmaybeIwascrazy,butitfeltlikeitwasbiggerthanwhatIcouldseeinthestudio.
“Theselasttwomonthshavebeenawhirl-
windforme.I’vemadeitthroughnearlylos-
ingmymother,havingmybelovedtwin
moveabroad,beingcrownedqueen,and
443/467
finishingaSelectionnoneofusexpectedme
tohave.”Ismiled,thinkingofhowfastitallhappened,howitshouldhavetornmeapart
butdidn’t.
“Throughallthis,someofyouhavebeen
sympathetic,whileothershavefeltignored.
Somehavebeensupportive,andothershave
beenaggressive.UntilrecentlyIwouldhave
saidthosefeelingshadnofoundation,butI
amsurenowthatisuntrue.
“BeforetheSelectionIlivedmylifewithin
asmallcircleofacquaintances.Iadmit,my
greatestconcernintheworldwasmyown
comfort,andtomaintainitIwaswillingto
sacrificeavastpoolofthings,includingthewell-beingofsomanyaroundme.I’mnot
proudtotellyouthis.”
Ifocusedonthecarpetforamoment,
needingtosteadymyself.“Butmeetingthese
youngmenshowedmeaworldbeyondthe
wallsthatIenclosedmyselfwithin.ItisonlyinthesepastfewweeksthatIhavelearned
444/467
howlittleIknewaboutmyowncountry.
Budgetsandproposalscangivemeablue-
printofyourneeds,butithasbeenseeing
youface-to-facethathasshownmehow
muchmoreyouareupagainst.
“Assuch”—Itookadeepbreath—“Icome
beforeyounowtoannouncethatIlléawill
becomeaconstitutionalmonarchy.”
Thereweregaspsandmurmursaround
theroom,andIgavethemamomentto
settle,imaginingthosewatchingathome
neededthesameconsideration.
“Pleasedon’tseethisasmeshirkingmy
duties.Intruth,IknownowthatIloveyou
toomuchtoattempttodothisjobalone.
Evenwithapartner,”Isaid,peekingoverto
Eikkoandsmiling,“itwouldbefartoogreat
foranyone,ashasbeenshownbytheyoung
deathsandhealthissuesofmypredecessors.
Iwilldomypartsothatyoucandoyours.
“Forsolongnowwehereinthepalace
havesearchedforwaystomakeyourlives
445/467
better,happier,onlytofindthatthereisnowayforustodothat.Yourlivesneedtobeinyourhands.Onlythenwillweseethechange
somanyofyouhavewaitedthroughgenera-
tionstosee.
“Iwillfindasuitableprimeministerinthe
interim,andwewillplantoholdproperelec-
tionswithinthenexttwoyears.Icannotbe-
gintoexpresshoweagerIamtoseewhat
youhaveinstoreforourcountry.”
“I’msuretherewillbemanyquestionsand
hiccupsaswereinventourcountry,but
pleaseknowthatweintheroyalfamilyare
onyourside.Icannotgovernyourheartsany
morethanyoucangovernmine.Ithinkitis
timeforallofustoseekoutabrighterand
betterfuture.”
Ismiled,notfeelingfearoranxiety,buta
senseofpeace.Ifanyofushadstoppedwor-
ryingabouthowwelookedlikewewereperformingandfocusedonhowwewere
446/467
actuallyperforming,wewouldhavecometo
thisconclusionlongago.
“Thankyousomuchforyoursupport.For
me,formyfamily,andformyfiancé.Ilove
you,Illéa.Goodevening.”
Iwatchedasthelightsonthecameras
wentout,andIsteppedoffthesettoaflurryofshouts.Theadviserswereangry,obviously,turningtomyfatheranddemanding
answers.
“Whyareyouyellingatme,youfools?”he
calledbackatthem.“She’syourqueen,for
goodness’sake.Askher.”
IturnedtoEikko.
“Areyouallright?”
Helaughed.“Ihaveneverbeenhappieror
moreterrified.”
“Thatsumsitupprettywell.”
“Hey!”Kilecalled,withHenricomingup
behindhimtoembraceEikko.Astheybegan
celebrating,Imovedaway.Therewasmuch
morethatneededtobetakencareof.
447/467
Ielbowedmywaypastconfusedandirate
advisers,dialingafamiliarnumberonthe
phoneinthebackofthestudio.
Maridpickedupinstantly.“Whatdidyou
justdo?”hescreamed.
“Iuninvitedyoufromanyparticipationin
myreign.”
“Doyourealizehowstupidthatwas?”
“WhatIrealizedwasthatsomethingper-
fectlynormalcompletelyhorrifiedyouafew
weeksago.Itmakessensenow.Whywould
youwantpowerinanyone’shandsbut
yours?”
“Ifyouthinkthiswillbethelastyou’ve
heardfromme—”
“IndeedIdo.Formyearisnowcloserto
mypeople,soIhavenoneedofyou.Good-
bye,sir.”
Ismiled,positivelyblissful,nowknowing
thisveryimportantthing:mycountrycould
neverbetakenfrommenow;I’dhappilygiv-
enitaway.Mypeoplewantedhappinessas
448/467
muchasIdid,andIwassurewewereall
donewithpeopletryingtoliveourlivesfor
us.
“Eadlyn!”LadyBricecalled,rushinginto
me.“Youbrilliant,brilliantgirl!”
“You’lldoit,right?”
“Dowhat?”
“Beprimeminister.It’sjustuntilwehave
elections,butstill.”
Shechuckled.“I’mnotsureI’mthebest
personforthejob.Besides,thereare—”
“Comeon,AuntBrice.”
Forasplitsecondshelookedabsolutely
horrified.Thenhereyesswamwithtears.“I
neverthoughtI’dgettohearthosewords.”
Ireachedforher,embracingthiswoman
who’dbecomeoneofmygreatestconfid-
antes.Itwasstrangebecause,eventhough
I’dneverlosther,holdinghernowfeltalotlikegettingsomethingback.Likewhen
Ahrencameforthecoronation.
449/467
“Oh,mygoodness,IhavetocallAhren!”I
exclaimed.
“We’lladdthattothelistofthingstodo.
Getengaged,check.Changethecountry,
check.What’snextontheagenda?”
Ilookedacrosstheroom,watchingmy
fathershakeEikko’shandandMomreachup
tokisshischeek.
“Changingmylife.”
IT’SAFUNNYTHINGTObetheproductofafairy-taleromance.It’sanotherthingtothinkyou
mightfindoneyourself.Youcanreadthe
storiesandwatchthemovies,andyoucan
thinkyouknowhowit’sallsupposedto
unfold.
Butthetruthis,loveisasmuchfateasitisplanning,asmuchabeautyasitisadisaster.
Findingaprincemightmeankissingalot
offrogs.Orkickingalotoffrogsoutofyour
451/467
house.Fallingmightmeanrunningheadfirst
intosomethingyoualwayswanted.Ordip-
pingyourtoeintosomethingyou’vebeen
scaredofyourwholelife.Happilyeverafter
couldbewaitinginafieldamilewide.Ora
windowasnarrowassevenminutes.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
OKAY,Y’ALL.IFEELLIKEbythispointIcouldgiveyouapopquizonthepeoplewhoend
uponmyacknowledgmentspageandyou
wouldaceit.YoufollowmyagentonTwitter
andtagmypublicistonTumblrandthink
myeditorismysistereventhoughsheisn’t.
Youalsoaskaboutmyhubbyandkiddos
whenIdosignings,becausethey’vestarted
matteringtoyou,too.Solet’sjustkeepthissimple.
Thanks.
Tothearmyofpeoplewhomakethebooks
beautiful,tothefriendsandfamilywhokeep
megoing,andtoyou.Thisserieshasbeen
therideofalifetime,andifweneverhave
453/467
anythingasmuchfunasthis,I’llstillbe
happy.
AndthankstoAmericaandEadlynforde-
cidingtoliveinmyhead.Changedmyworld.
Iloveyouforever.
—K
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ALSOBYKIERACASS
TheSelection
TheElite
TheOne
TheHeir
HappilyEverAfter:Companiontothe
SelectionSeries
TheSiren
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ALSOBYKIERACASSAboutthePublisher