Download - Bloom webinar 022311 session 4
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How to Build Your Best Marriage in 5-Steps
Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!How to Build Your Best Marriage in 5-Steps
© Mass Ignition1
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Signs this Module will help youyouyouyou� You experience times of harsh language
� You feel or experience defensiveness in conversation with your spouse
� You feel your spouse is not as attentive during discussion with you
© Mass Ignition2
with you
� You use or receive sarcasm
� You use or receive “silence” as a form of punishment
� Your discussions or conversations feel draining instead of life-giving
� You or your spouse “snaps” in conversation
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What you will learn from this Module� What are the four common types of responses people take that will lead into a Doom Cycle
� The 5-Step Antidote for each reaction that will deliver you into the Bloom Cycle
� What are key Biblical resources you can draw from to master the right words?
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� How do you decipher what are the right words to use?� How can you go deep within yourself to understand why youreact in certain ways to certain words?
� How failure to intentionally deal with choosing the right words leads to the Doom Cycle
� How to discover the right power words to use that can spin your marriage into the Bloom Cycle
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Doom Cycle
Bloom Cycle
Vs.
Whether you are fully aware of it or not, you are in one cycle or the other
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Cycle CycleVs.
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WHY WE DOOM
Finances
“ONENESS BROKEN”
Health
Passions/Hobbies
Family
5
Friends Culture
Kids Career
Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you…through painful toil…all the days… Gen. 3
AddictionsLoss
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HOW WE BLOOM
Finances
“ONENESS SUSTAINED”
Kids
Health
Passions/Hobbies
Family
6
Friends Culture
KidsCareer
…they will become one flesh Gen. 2:24Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph. 5:21
Addictions
Loss
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WHY WE MUST BLOOM
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God patterned them after Himself. Gen. 1:27…so that we can be mirrors that reflect His glory 2Cor. 3:18
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What it takes to BLOOM!What it takes to BLOOM!The 5 key nutrients:The 5 key nutrients:
••Commit to LoveCommit to Love••Cherish & RespectCherish & Respect
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••Cherish & RespectCherish & Respect••Be Gracious & ForgiveBe Gracious & Forgive••Choose the Right WordsChoose the Right Words••Seek a Greater PurposeSeek a Greater Purpose
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COMMIT To “sacrificial” LOVECOMMIT To “sacrificial” LOVEHOW FULL IS YOUR LOVE TANK?
AGAPE
Love LanguagesWordsQuality TimeGiftsActs of Service
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EROS
FILOActs of ServicePhysical Touch
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with cherish
she responds
he responds without
“DOOM”“DOOM”
CHERISH & RESPECT CHERISH & RESPECT “LL=CR”“LL=CR”
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with respect
respondsresponds
she reacts
he reacts
without respect
without cherish
“BLOOM”“BLOOM”
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Without G&F Without G&F With G&F With G&F
BE GRACIOUS & FORGIVEBE GRACIOUS & FORGIVE
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“oneness lost”“oneness lost” attitude + rec. process attitude + rec. process “oneness gained”“oneness gained”
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DOOMING Myth #4: Communication gets better in time
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BLOOMING Truth #3:Communication gets better when we learn deliberately how to choose the right words
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Here’s a story of a Doom Cycle Here’s a story of a Doom Cycle Here’s a story of a Doom Cycle Here’s a story of a Doom Cycle
�Donna and Dan exhibit signs that they really need Module #4….
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Module #4….
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Here’s a story of a Bloom Cycle Here’s a story of a Bloom Cycle Here’s a story of a Bloom Cycle Here’s a story of a Bloom Cycle
�Barbara and Bob turned around their marriage through the
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through the concepts found in Module #4
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CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSWhy?Why?
RELATIONSHIPS ARE EITHER DEVELOPED OR DESTROYEDBY THE WORDS THAT ARE CHOSEN
© Mass Ignition15
BY THE WORDS THAT ARE CHOSEN
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CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSBiblical PrinciplesBiblical Principles
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.
Proverbs 10:19
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Proverbs 10:19
The tongue has the power of life and death… Proverbs 18:21
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CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSEveryone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
James 1:19
Argument REACTING the other
Destructive offensive, names, sarcasm, violent = scarring
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Disagreement REACTING issue
Harsh defensive, personalities arise = separating
Normal dialogue RESPONDING each other
Kind attentive, encouraging = supporting
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“SPIRITUAL EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE”“SPIRITUAL EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE”
CIRCUMSTANCE
EMOTIONS Hurt, Fear, Want, Joy
THOUGHTS
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Hurt, Fear, Want, Joy
3 sec.
with self REACT“FLESH”
with GodRESPOND “SPIRIT”
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CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS
REACT: “STAND OFF” REACT: “TELL OFF”
RESPOND
“GRACE
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REACT: “GIVE UP” REACT: “HOLD ON ”
“GRACE
&
TRUTH”
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CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS
REACT: “STAND OFF” REACT: “TELL OFF”
Listen
Clarify Thoughts
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REACT: “GIVE UP” REACT: “HOLD ON ”
Clarify Thoughts
Identify Feelings
Right Tone, Time, Words
Find Compromise
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RESPONDING in GRACE & TRUTH“slowing down, staying centered”
HEAD = Clarifying Thoughts
EARS = Listening (3 levels)
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HANDS = Praying, Compromising, Forgiving
MOUTH = Choosing Right Words, Tone, Time
HEART = Identifying Feelings
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HOMEWORK: HOMEWORK:
CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS -awareness and action
1. See attached homework packet
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Bonus: Within the next 6 weeks, write a note of recommitment