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Beyond Fight, Flight or Freeze: Is there a Fourth F?
The Unfortunate Truth About Why Sometimes We Lie
The humanity Component of a
perceived Character Flaw
Or...A Fractured Self-Esteem... and
A Mind In Crisis
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Thinking About Fibbing….
Look at the person next to you…
Imagine you found they just told you a lie…
What would you think of them?
How would you feel about them
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When did you first ever fib?
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Who are we ?
Monica Hassall BN , ADHD/EF Coach.
[email protected] www.connectadhd.com
Barbara Hunter, M.Ed, Learning/ADHD/EF Coach
Check us out:
ADDITUDE magazine
Distraction Podcast by Dr. Ned Hallowell Season 3-Episode 5
ATTENTION Magazine (CHADD.org) June 2019
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Making sense of the CHAOS for the mind in crisis-ADHD Across the lifespan
We have observed a new protective mechanism.
What happens when an individual with ADHD
finds themselves “under pressure” or in “defence
mode” if feeling threatened or under attack?
A self-protective mechanism- The Fight, Flight or
Freeze response might be activated
OR……..FIB …...other “F” words
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FabricateFictitious
Fable
Fairy Tale
Falsehood
FAIL...
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disrespectful
Judgment
How do clients describe themselves after lying?
Untrustworthy
Deceitful
Unlikable
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Session Objectives
• Understanding the motivation and underpinnings for why we Fib
• Understanding the opportunity for connection, as opposed to disconnection and shame
• Develop an awareness of what is happening in the brain at the Point of Performance
• Learn strategies to support - (resilient) self-esteem in place of fibbing
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The Phenomenon of the Fourth F... • Across all ages
• Guilt and Shame - precursors to FEAR -trigger
• Like the FFF mechanism: instantaneous
Self preservation
Protection of Self Esteem
Extension,
Deflection
SPEEDS
S P E E D
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The Cost of Fibbing
• Removes the opportunity to resolve the underlying problem
• Impairs self-esteem -internal• Disrupts and potentially destroys relationships- external• Financial - extra time at college in paid accommodation and
tuition fees and lack of progression - external• Missed opportunities- job and career opportunities- external• Failure to launch- internal
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Avoiding shame and embarrassment of perceived failure.
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Protection of Self Esteem
Protection of self and from disappointing of others
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Extension
Avoiding shame and embarrassment of failure
buying time - delaying the inevitable - no better
plan
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Deflection
deflection of anger of loved ones
Deflecting to avoid negative consequences
Mother and Child...I fibbed because I needed to deflect trouble.
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Executive Function
"actions we perform to ourselves and direct at
ourselves so as to accomplish self-control, goal-directed
behaviour, and the maximisation of future outcomes."•
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From FFF to our 4th F
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What’s happening in the brain?
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The Limbic System- a group of brain
structures that includes- amygdala- hippocampus- hypothalamus
responsible for
processing and regulating emotions
memory
Hunger and reproduction
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Language
Emergence of Language Centre
The new tool of protection?
Our language and our voice
Inner dialogue or Self- talk
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Negative Reinforcement: The Curse of Success
Operant conditioning
Success
Repeated as effective
Negative reinforcement works in the moment-
Immediate relief
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“Terrified people
make
terrible decisions”
Liz Gilbert
author
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Fear is known to trigger
the fight, flight and
freeze response
Fight, Flight or Freeze
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…and FIB
But if we can’t fight,
or run or play
dead…we can fib
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Attentional Network -
Positive Mindset
PFC
Negative Mindset-
Limbic
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Attentional Network -
Positive Mindset
PFC
Negative Mindset-
Limbic
I did it already…
It wasn’t me….
It’s this big……
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Slow your SPEED….
Strategies to reduce the likelihood of re-fibbing
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Slow your SPEED….
WIN
COOL
CALM
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Starting with
Implement a perspective of curiosity instead of judgment
Use open ended questions to uncover the fear component
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Strategic Intervention
•COOL -mindfulness tool
•Metacognitive, Socratic questioning
•Create a “space or time” “buying time”-reduce
overwhelm
•Extra accountability opportunities-scaffolding of
goal behaviour
•Accountability partner
•Seek assistance earlier in a problem (EF Self
monitoring)
•Build trust and relationship
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disrespectful
Judgment
What can be gained from this insight?
Untrustworthy
Deceitful
Unlikable
Empathy and Self
Acceptance
Supports skill building -
Improves resilience
Worthy of support
Facilitates growth
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Cycle back to the person next to you… If you knew they were in Self preservation mode, how might you react to them?
If their Self esteem was in danger of being damaged, how might you support them?
If they were were in Extension mode and needed more time to process or make a decision, ( stressed to make a decision) how might you respond?
If they were deflecting to avoid shame or a negative consequence, how might communicate with them…
Now how do you see that person?
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Thank you…