double commitment

8/10/2019 Double Commitment

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How to Double CommitmentBy Mia Summers

All Rights ReservedCopyright 2007 MeetYourSweet.com

No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted or distributed in any

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The information contained in this book is provided as is without warrantyof any kind. The entire risk as to the results and the performance of the

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in the course of using the information in this book.


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All Rights Reserved (c) 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

What is Meet Your Sweet?

Your new life starts today. With MeetYourSweet.com, you get the ultimatetoolkit to creating the success you crave in Life and Relationships.We know that youve got the smarts to take care of most areas of your life. Sowhy should dating and relationships be any different?

Thats why we here at MeetYourSweet.com takea life coachs perspective toromance. We dont want to give you a paint-by-numbers program or dumb

down what it takes to master REAL success.

Rather, our goal is to empower you by giving you the life skills that you needto achieve a completepersonal and social transformation

the kind that will have you feeling condent, secure, desirable, andpowerful,no matter what challenge you face!Weve done the research, and we know what works. Our non-manipulativeapproach harnesses capacities that everyone has within them. Whether youremale or female, young or old, single or in a relationship, we can help youbecome the absolute best you can be at relating with the opposite sex.

Just imagine it. Gone are the days of struggling to get a date. Gone are thedays of struggling to keep someone attracted. Gone are the days of worryingabout whether youre good-looking enough, popular enough, or captivatingenough to get attention from the opposite sex!

With MeetYourSweet.com, you get expert advicefrom a team of the worlds

greatest writers, life coaches, and counselors in the eld of dating andrelationships.

Every Meet Your Sweetcourse includes collaborations with top names in theeld. Our team of contributing authors includes our very ownSlade Shawand Mia Summers, as well as Amy Waterman from 000Relationships.comandAndrew Rusbatchfrom SaveMyMarriageToday.com.

So kickstart your personal and social transformation with MeetYourSweet.

com. We look forward to hearing how our courses have changed YOU!
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Contents

How to Double Commitment in Your Relationship 6

Chapter 1. 7

What IS Commitment? Commitment Defned 7

Mutuality in Relationships 9Commitment Defned 11Spontaneity in Relationships 12

Chapter 2. 15

Why Do You Want to Increase Your Relationships Commitment Level? 15

1. Increasing Commitment Due to Cultural Conditioning. 162. Increasing Commitment Out of Fear 183. Increasing Commitment Because the Relationship Is More Real That Way 20The Best Reason for Wanting To Increase Commitment 22

Chapter 3. 23

How Likely Is Your Partner to Commit To You? 23

Communication 24Common Goals 26Bring Out the Best in Each Other 28Make Love an Action Word 29Balance Me Time with We Time 29
http://www.meetyoursweet.com/selfconfidence/http://www.meetyoursweet.com/selfconfidence/


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Chapter 4. 32

Things That Dont Help Grow Commitment 32

1. Inadvertently Suffocating Your Partner 322. Hint-Dropping 343. Dont Let Things Slide 34

Chapter 5. 38

Commitment-Phobes: If They Wont Commit, Are They Even Able To Commit? 38

What to Do If Your Partners Having a Hard Time Committing 40

Afterword 45

From First Dates to Soul Mates 45


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How to Double Commitmentby Mia Summers


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Chapter 1.

What IS Commitment? Commitment Dened

Commitment is a pretty big word, both in our society and in relationshipsat large.

To commit to something literally means topledge yourself to a position or anissue. A commitment is essentially a vow: a pact.

When you commit to something, you pledge yourself to it and make yourintentions absolutely clear.

When it comes to commitment in terms of relationships, that denition tendsto get a little blurred. Many people make the mistake of thinking thatto becommitted to something like a relationship there has to be an element ofneedpresent.In other words, theres the idea that to be committed to someone, there needs

to be some external factor present like a mortgage, children, or a jointbusiness which links you to that person; e.g., you cant be committed tothem without needing to have them in your life.

This is nonsense. Commitment in relationships is all about wants, notneeds.

Need and dependency are issues that are strongly similar. Theyre interlinked.When you need someone, youre essentially dependent on them for something,

whether that something is nancial resources, a self-esteem boost, emotionalsecurity, whatever.

If youre dependent on your partner, or you want them to be dependent onyou thinking, perhaps, that commitment is all about needing someone thatraises a red ag!

In fact, dependency and commitment arent related at all. Dependencyactually kills offgenuine commitment.

When you need someone, or youre dependent on them, spontaneity doesnt


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even come into the question. Need is need, and theres no element ofchoice about it when needs, not wants, are the issue, words like trapped,

desperate, and stuck come to mind.

Commitment, on the other hand, is a spontaneous thing: a couple that arecommitted to one another have chosen to live in that manner because theywant to, not because they have to.

Remember that word: spontaneous. The element of choice of spontaneity -is very important to a good, strong, long-term relationship.

Without choice, either one or both parties are bound to feel beholden to theother. Questions of inequality get called up.

Resentment begins to grow.

The concept of need naturally introduces an element of potential desperation,or fear,into the denition of a relationship: usually, fear that the source of thatneed will be taken away, and/or the fear of being powerless.

Well discuss the issue of fear in greater detail later on. For now, I think itwill sufce to leave you with an interesting quote that sums up my pointperfectly.

Ready?

The opposite of love is fear.

Take a second to think about it.

Most people think that the opposite of love is hate a strong, aggressivesensation of irrepressible loathing and disgust.

I disagree. I think the opposite of love is fear, not hate.

To me, love is all about equality: mutual power and the simultaneous absolutelack of power.

That phrase may sound confusing the rst time you read it, so take a moment

to think about what I mean.


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Mutuality in Relationships

Ill say it again:

Love is all about equality: mutual powerand the simultaneous absolute lack of power.

Love is absolute, mutual trust: youve entrusted someone with absolute control

over your heart, emotions, and life; you do so because you trust them. Withgenuine love, this is a mutual deal, hence the idea of power (you hold thispersons heart in your hands) combined with the absolute lack of it (sincetheyve got your heart in their hands!).

Fear, on the other hand, is all about inequality and powerlessness. Fear isan essential component of an unbalanced relationship for example, arelationship where one person is less committed than the other.

This lack of equality leaves the more-committed person feeling fear: fear that

the other might leave them; fear that theyre being taken for a ride; fear thattheir heart will be broken.

Theres nothing good to be found in fear;its an intensely negative, anxiety-riddenemotion. Nothing positive can come outof it.

Fear is an unhealthy thing to associate with your relationship. It will kill off

the love, if you allow it to, and replace it with resentment and deep-seatedanxiety.

Fear and love cannot exist simultaneously. If youre scared of a possibleconsequence that might eventuate in relation to your partner or yourrelationship, then that fear will negatively affect your love.

For example, lets say that you feel that you need your partner, or that youdepend on your partner, and youre afraid that their level of commitment

might be less than yours.

Fear and love cannotexist simultaneously.


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Well, its pretty difcult to get truly comfortable, and allow your true self free

reign, in a relationship where youre constantly worrying about your partnerscommitment to you.

The original, positive feelings that you had about the relationship (love,admiration, affection, security) are gradually replaced by negative ones(anxiety, fear, worry about the future, resentment for being made to feel thatway).

Do you see how, over time, this sort of thing will naturally lessen your love

and your commitment to that relationship?

Its not anybodys faultper se, but its a denite truth. Because how can yoube truly, genuinely, effortlesslycommitted to a relationship which, directly orindirectly, spawns feelings of powerlessness, anxiety, and fear?

Which leads me back to the original question: what is commitment?

What is commitment?


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Commitment Defned

My denition of commitment is that it is something that evolves naturally andeffortlessly out of true, balanced love, and open, honest communication.

If two people in a relationship are being honest about themselves and theirlives, and theyre capable of loving each other for who they really are, thencommitment the desire to stay together and support one another willspring naturally from that love and honesty.

When it comes to dening commitment, Im going to ask you to remember

two basic facts.

Commitment is1. not about need.Commitment is about wanting, notneeding.

Remember, need and dependency are interlinked. When you needsomeone in the true sense of need, not just the ideal of poeticattery the element of fear is called up.

Remember that2. fear and love cannot exist simultaneously. Whenthe emotion of fear is suggested in relation to your partner or yourrelationship, it negatively affects the level and quality of your love.

So need engenders fear, which in turn kills off the love.

Contrary to popular belief, need is the antithesis to commitment!

Now put the shoe on the other foot. Just as commitment is not about youdepending on yourpartner, it is alsonot about trying to get themto dependon you, either.

Trying to get someone to need you, out of a desireto increase their ties to the relationship, or a fearthat they might leave you, is deeply unhealthy.

In fact, its almost parasitic. A true relationship one thats balanced, genuine, healthy, and loving is based on mutual want, not need.

Need engendersfear, which in

turn kills off thelove.


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It doesnt matter whether that need is one-sided or mutual: a relationshipbased on dependency is going to be unstable, no matter what else it has going

for it.

A good relationship is one where both partners are mutual in their spontaneouslove and commitment to the other one. The two key words here are mutualand spontaneous.

Weve already talked about the importance of mutuality to a balancedrelationship; so lets take a quick look at the importance of spontaneity.

Spontaneity in Relationships

Spontaneity, in a relationship, is about unrestrainedly experiencing emotionand affection.

Unfortunately, some people often, people who wish their partner to be moreattached and committed to them attempt to use strategies and techniques inan effort to increase their partners commitment to them.

Effectively, they try to manipulate their partners feelings.

Remember this: it is not your job to try to make anybody else feel anything.

To try to do so is not only manipulative and reminiscent of self-deication(playing God, in other words), but its also pretty much impossible!

Ill say it again:

You cannot make anyone feel anything.

As this statement relates to commitment, it basically means that you cannotnd ways to get someone to commit to you. Commitment is something thatevolves organically, in its own way, when the time is right.

It cant be sped along, or helped along the way, or forced into existence, byany manipulative efforts on anyones behalf.


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To increase your partners genuine love and commitment to you, all you cando is to be as whole, compassionate, and authentic as you can be: to be your

real, honest self, and to refrain from manipulative behavior.

For example, some women might go to huge effortsto dress sexually and spend a great deal of time andeffort on their hair, nails, and makeup, because theyfeel that if they look attractive, their partner willreciprocate with an engagement ring.

Another example might be the person who agrees

to sign a mortgage on a house with their partner,because they know that that mortgage means thattheir partner has to stay with them until its beenpaid off.

This idea of reciprocity of doing things in order to get something out of it isunhealthy in the extreme.

Commitment is not about manipulation; its not about doing things to getsomething out of it.

Trying to force someone to depend on you, in a hope that it will increase theircommitment to the relationship, is more likely to result in resentment thananything else.

Manipulation will not help the relationship, or you as a person; itll just drivethe other person away.

True commitment develops without pressure or force.

These things kill commitment off, not foster its growth. Commitment can onlydevelop naturally: the best environment for it to grow is one of peace andtrust.

Something else for you to think about (warning: this may shake you up a littlebit), is that if you feel as though you have to scheme, plan, and strategize waysto convince your partner that youre fabulous and worth committing to, thatsactually not a good sign.

It is not yourjob to try tomake anybody

else feelanything.


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I am NOT going to provide you with a program for getting someone to commit

to you, because like Ive already said nothing you can do will make anyoneincrease their commitment.

Instead, I am going to supply you with information about your own motivesfor wanting to increase the commitment levels in the rst place. Well thentake a look at how likely your partner is to commit to you in the long run;and nally, give you ideas for improving the overall quality and health of yourrelationship because commitment springs naturally from a healthy, lovingrelationship, not because youve followed an X-Y-Z formula.

If you do feel as though you need to gure out techniques for getting yourpartner to be more committed to you, well, that could mean one of twothings:

This person is not a likely candidate for commitment to1. anyone rightnow, or

This person, and your relationship with this person, may actually not2.be the best choice for you at the moment.

Well deal with this concept in more detail in Chapter Four, but in themeantime, its just something that Id like you to bear in mind for now.

Dont reject it outright, and dont embrace it wholeheartedly quite yet either;just put it into a holding pattern in a quiet corner of your mind, and welldiscuss it further later on in this book.

And now, lets take a look at the reasons that you have for wanting to increase

the commitment level of your relationship in the rst place. Examining yourmotives will enable you to take the best course of action, and should yieldsome useful knowledge about your relationship, too!

It is not your job to try to makeanybody else feel anything.


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Chapter 2.

Why Do You Want to Increase Your Relationships CommitmentLevel?

Its always a good idea to examine your motives for anything you do particularly, your motives for the actions you take which relate to yourrelationship.

Often, in matters of the heart (like love), we take action to resolve things that

we see as problems, without really thinking about why were doing it.

Sometimes, this habit of blindly following instinct and desire can lead usdown the wrong path. Perhaps we end up perpetuating a situation that isntreally good for us, or we end up spending a lot of time and energy in chasinggoals that we havent really considered in the long run.

In addition to the merits of motive-consideration in terms of getting us to thinkabout whether or not what we think we want is actually what we want, it can

also yield a lot of information about the relationship that youre trying to workon.

Your reasons for trying to increase the commitment levels in your relationshipcan tell you a lot about the weak points of that relationship, or areas thatcould do with some improvement. Its a valuable way of taking inventory ofthe overall health of your relationship.

So what do you think your reasons are for wanting to increase the commitment

level of your relationship?

There are three common reasons for wishing to increase commitment levelsin a relationship, which were going to look at now.


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Unfortunately, theres a bit of an issue here. Statements of commitment, likemarriage, are just that: outwardstatements of an innertruth.

If those outward statements have been coaxed into being by pressure fromyou (for example, hinting, nagging, asking outright), or are birthed out offalseness (for example, if you manipulated a higher level of commitment intobeing), then that outward statement will be shallow and meaningless.

Like commitment itself, for gestures of commitment like a marriage proposal to signify a real movetowards healthy, long-term commitment, they must

be genuine and spontaneous.

Ill say it again if you feel as though youve got tomanipulate someone into seeing that you are theone for them, then you need to be aware that thevery necessity of those manipulations signies thatthat relationship is probably not the best one for you.

Lets look at it from another perspective. Lets say your relationship is great the two of you get along fabulously, you love each other, and you know youwant to be with each other for a long time.

Well, in that case, then whats the rush? Why not just relax and enjoy yourwonderful relationship?

Being married isnt going to change anything, or make your relationshipsomehow more. If that happenstance evolves naturally and organically inits own time, then thats great but its not something that can be forced intobeing.

Remember the importance of spontaneity!

For a gesture of commitment to be worth anything at all, it needs to springspontaneously from a balanced relationship.

When I say balanced, I mean that both people in that relationship need tobe in accordance with each other that this level of commitment and thisrelationship is denitely what they want.

Why not just

relax and enjoyyour wonderful

relationship?


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If either person is uncertain to any degree at all then the meaning of thatgesture (like a marriage proposal) is automatically cancelled out.

Remember, the state of being married isnt the end youre aiming for here its the state of being which encourages the growth of the relationship intomarriage.

What I mean is this: the ring on your fnger isntyour ultimate goal. Its merely a symbol thatthat ultimate goal a balanced, healthy, mutualrelationship has been achieved.

So if a proposal of marriage has been coaxed into existence by either memberof the relationship, instead of being something thats just evolved naturally,then theres a problem; because inequality naturally signies instability in arelationship, and thats bad news for everyone concerned.

So, no matter what your situation is whether youre trying to x an unbalancedrelationship, or whether youre trying to get some sort of commitment-trophyout of an already-satisfying relationship trying to forcecommitment isnt theanswer to your problems.

2. Increasing Commitment Out of Fear

Another really common reason for wanting to increase the commitment levelof the relationship is because youre afraid that your partner may leave you.

The key word in this sentence is afraid.

Now, weve already spent a fair amount of time discussing why fear and love/commitment are mutually exclusive, so well just briey touch on this here.

Fear engenders the sort of panicky desperation that actually drives peopleaway.

If you hold on too tight, you end up smothering your partner. Do you thinkthat being suffocated will make them want to hold on to you tighter?

Remember theimportance ofspontaneity!


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NO!

It makes them want to struggle out of your embrace and ee for the hills inthe opposite direction.

Remember: a relationship thats based on fear is unstable.

The only way to really get around this fear is to learn to embrace the presentmoment. This might sound a little simplistic Oh, sure, like thatll work.

But trust me: simple is good. Simple works!

There are few guarantees in life. There is certainly never any guarantee thatyour partner will stick with you forever not even if theyve said that theywill.

Not even if youve got a ring on your nger.

Not even if theyve signed a legally-bindingdocument promising to do so.

Not even if theyve got your name tattooed ontotheir body!

To get over this fear, you really do need to learn to nd peace in the presentmoment. Time spent seeking the goal, striving for that achievement, trying toget somewhere in your relationship is essentially wasted time.

If youre afraid that your partners going to leave you, then you need to sitdown with them and have an honest talk with them about it. Even if you get

them to make some sort of verbal commitment to you, that still wont cancelout the truth that for whatever reason your gut instincts are telling you thatsomethings off.

After all, if you were completely secure and relaxed, you wouldnt feel asthough you needed to extract commitment from your partner. Youd alreadysense that they were committed to you, and would be content with things asthey are.

A relationshipthats based on

fear is unstable.


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So: if youre afraid that they might leave you, you need to take steps toaddress that issue with your partner. Its not something that you can x by

playing mind-games and attempting to manipulate them into increasing theircommitment to you; you need to talk to your partner about your feelings and

give them the information they need to take care of you.

Well talk more about how to communicate openly, assertively, and honestlyin Chapter Three (How Likely Is Your Partner To Commit?).

3. Increasing Commitment Because the Relationship Is More Real That Way

Sometimes, people wish to intensify the commitment level of their relationshipout of a desire to get to the real part of the relationship.

Not out of fear that their partner will leave, or out of boredom, or a needfor change; simply out of a desire to rush through the initial stages of therelationship to get to the good stuff.

Again, if this is the case with your own relationship, I suggest that you slow

right down. No stage of the relationship is any more real than the otherstages the early days are just as important, fullling, and satisfying, as thelater, more ostensibly committed stages.

Youre not going to gain anything by hoping tospeed the process up somehow think of yourgrowing relationship like a house being built.Every house needs a solid foundation, a soundinfrastructure, and carefully constructed walls and

supports before it is safe to live in.

If your houses construction is being rushed ifcorners are being cut, a slipshod jobs being doneon the basics of the structure, important steps arebeing hurried or skipped altogether then thathouse will never be safe to live in.

You might end up with the outward semblance of a house faster than you

otherwise would have, but in reality, that house isnt safe.

It could comecollapsing down

around you at anymoment.


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It could come collapsing down around you at any moment.

By rushing through the early stages of your relationship, youre exchanging thetime that youve saved by cutting corners for at least an equal expenditureof time further down the track.

Even though you might feel as though youve achieved something by hurryingahead and saving time, such rushing does not bode well for the future.

Essentially, youve exchanged some time right now, for a lot of time in the

future! At some point in the future and likely, at many points in the future- youre going to need to invest time, energy, and effort in identifying andrepairing the damage to your house thats occurred as a direct result ofhurryingthrough the basic construction process.

It could come collapsing down around you at any moment. youre layingthe foundations for your future. The foundations are vitally important tothe structure that youre going to end up with in the long term theyre notsomething you should rush!

Remember, just because youve got a ring on your nger, or because somebodysays that theyll stick with you forever, or because youve got a marriagecontract on paper, that doesnt mean that anything about your relationship is

going to change. The belief that it will is nothing but a harmful myth.

The truth: genuine, lasting, meaningful commitment cannot be rushed. It hasto grow on its own, in an environment of mutual trust and love. Anything else,and the end result will be nothing but a shallow sham.

So relax, slow down, and learn to embrace the moment enjoy the currentmoment as it exists right now, both for yourself, and for the long-term healthof your relationship.

It could come collapsingdown around you at any moment.


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The Best Reason for Wanting To Increase Commitment

So weve looked at all the wrong reasons for why most people want to increasethe commitment levels of their relationship.

Weve looked at why fear isnt a valid reason; why the desire for change isnta good reason; and why using commitment to validate the relationship isnt agood reason, either.

So what is a good reason?

Well isnt it obvious?

The best reason for wanting to increase the commitment level in yourrelationship is love.

When you truly love someone, youre naturallycommitted to them emotionally. You want to put inthe effort. You want to stay with this person, becauselife just feels better and more enjoyable when the

two of you are together.

You want to grow your relationship yourenaturally interested in increasing and improvingthe quality and depth of your communication andinterpersonal honesty, and you want to be the bestpartner that you can be to this person.

So how can you increase the love levels and, as anatural offshoot of that love, the commitment levels in your relationship?

Well nd out in the next chapter.

The best reasonfor wanting to

increase thecommitmentlevel in your

relationship islove.


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Chapter 3.

How Likely Is Your Partner to Commit To You?

How likely do you feel your partner is to commit to you? How solid do youfeel that your connection is? Can you see your relationship lasting in the longterm?

These arent easy questions to answer.

A technique that might make it a little simpler for you is to consider therelationship from your partners point of view. What qualities and good pointsdo you bring to the relationship that would make them want to stick around(as opposed to needing to stick around)?

Taking the wants-versus-needs point into account, reasons like, We havea mortgage together, The children need their mom/dad, and The familybusiness would fail if we separated, are not valid points because theyrecentered around your partner needingyou, not wanting you.

The aim of this exercise is to consider the reasonsthat your partner would choose, of their own freewill, to be with you. In the long run, those reasonsare the ones that will help to determine whetheror not the two of you will stay together in the longrun.

It may help you to start off by making a list of the

good things about your relationship that you bothenjoy, or that you know your partner particularlyenjoys.

As a sample list, here are some of the points that you might think of:

You make your partner feel good just by being around you.

They feel that you value and cherish them.

You bring out their best qualities: when theyre around you, they

Consider thereasons that

your partnerwould choose,of their own

free will, to bewith you.


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feel like a better version of themselves.

You have fun together.

You have great sex.

You support one another.

Life seems better and more enjoyable when youre together thanit does when youre apart.

Obviously, this is just a sample list. If none of these things seem to apply toyourself or to your relationship, perhaps youve got other ways of making yourpartner feel good about themselves.

Or,perhaps you just need to put a little more work into the relationship inorder to create some valid reasons for your partner to stick around, and toincrease the quality and depth of the bond between the two of you!

Here are some ideas for doing just that.

Communication

Communication is the number-one most important part of any healthy,balanced, committed relationship.

Being a good communicator is all to do with being honest and authenticabout who you are, and what you believe and feel.

If you cant communicate your own truths to your partner if you aredeliberately withholding aspects of your personality, or youre not giving themthe whole story about your wants and desires, your opinions, your thoughts,and your personality - then how can they ever get to know you properly?

And if they cant get to know you properly, for who you really are, how canthey ever love you properly or commit to the person that you really are?

Being honest and communicative is the best recipe for a good relationship,


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hands-down.

One particular aspect of communication that many people struggle withis being honest about things they feel may result in a conict of ideas oropinions.

Conict is something that many people shy away from. Because its sucha taboo issue to so many couples, issues and disagreements get bottled upinside, or buried beneath other issues, or simply ignored because its easierthat way.

This is like sounding the death knell of yourrelationship. First of all, if you arent capable ofbeing honest with your partner, then you haveto ask yourself what kind of a bond you actuallyhave; and second of all, bottling things up insidedoesnt mean theyve been taken care of.

It just means that theyll erupt out, in an emotionalexplosion, when you least expect it and theincreased pressure and signicance that youveadded to the issue by not talking about it willlikely mean that that eruption, when it comes,will be twisted out of all reasonable proportion.

Its not always easy to be honest with someone, especially if you feel thatwhat you should say may challenge them, or may make them feel as thoughyoure provoking them.

Its really important to communicate to your partner your need for the type

of environment where you and your partner promise to talk to each other ifsomethings up and that youll each actively listen to, and really hear, whatit is that your partner has to say.

You need to be able to talk to each other without fear of judgment orcondemnation to be able to air your personal truths without having to censoryour thoughts or watch your tongue.

Good communication isnt about attacking the other person, or about telling

them that theyre wrong. Of course, disagreement is a natural part of any

The trick to it isto create a safeenvironmentof honesty

and truthfulcommunication.


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relationship, romantic or not; but it doesnt have to be dealt with as a ghtor an argument.

Good communication is about being honest and truthful moment-to-moment throughout your relationship.

Contrary to popular opinion, it is actually possible to express conictingopinions in a non-threatening, non-aggressive, peaceful and loving way.

If you disagree with your partner, it doesnthave to spell the end of the world you can

air your opinions and disagreement withoutcreating a situation. When you express yourdisagreement, it doesnt mean youre devaluingyour partner or their opinion; its simply aboutexpressing your own personal truth of howyou feel at the present moment, and askingthem, in return, how they feel about it. Its asimple exchange of truths.

Ultimately, the greatest thing you can do for your partner and your relationshipis to commit togrowing the relationship, as well as your partners own spiritualand emotional development, and their knowledge of you as a person.

You do this by committing yourself to communicating even the hard stuff,even if you think itll challenge them.

True, meaningful communication is the ultimate sign of commitment fromyou, the ultimate sign that you respect and care for your partner, and is thebest thing you can to towards contributing to an environment of caring, loving,

respectful commitment.

Common Goals

Couples who have goals in common are almost alwaysmuch more committedto one another than couples who have separate life orientations. What do thetwo of you have in common?

Goodcommunicationis about being

honest and truthfulmoment-to-moment

throughout yourrelationship.


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You may not have reached the point in your relationship where youre

comfortable having The Talk just yet.

(For those of you that are unaware of what The Talk is, its the one that centersaround the question, where is this relationship going? Its where you discussthe life goals and achievements you each have in mind, and think about thedegree of compatibility that those goals have with each other. Incidentally, itsgenerally a sign of at least moderatecommitment if youre both comfortableeven having this chat.)

If neither you nor your partner is comfortable having The Talk just yet, dont

feel as though you have to add to the emotional pressure of the situation byforcing them into an intense conversation.

You can bring up the matter gently and without creating a sense of urgency orobligation, or injecting too much meaning into whats essentially just a casualchat about the kinds of things you both want to do with your lives.

All you have to do is mention some things youd like to do in the next sixmonths, or year, or ve years however far ahead it is youre thinking here

and see if your partner has thought about what they might be interestedin doing, and whether or not their goals might be in line with yours to anyextent.

Tip: it helps to have a variety of goals for avariety of periods in your life. For example,you might want to run a marathon together inthe next six months (or take a camping holiday,or go on a road trip around the country, or

spend a long weekend in a different city); youmight want to take a trip to India in the next12 months (or go on safari in Africa, or gobungee-jumping, or get your qualications forscuba-diving); you both might be interested inproperty purchases in the next ve years; andso on.

Please dont be alarmed by this Im not necessarily suggesting that you

Common goalsand interestsconstitute a

large part of the

emotional gluethat binds happycouples together


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make plans to do these things together, especially if you dont feel that yourrelationship is up to that sort of long-term planning!

Im merely suggesting that you have a few casual conversations about thematter of the future, just to scope out whether your general desires and hopescoincide at all. This will help to give you some sort of idea where your partnermight think the relationship is going, and will help you to both sort out yourunderstanding of what the future might hold for both of you.

If your goals are very different, it will help to plan out together some thingsyou can achieve together that youre both interested in doing.

Common goals and interests constitute a large part of the emotional glue thatbinds happy couples together if commitments an issue, you could start outsmall, perhaps with a trip that youd like to take in the next six months.

If thinking six months ahead is too much commitment,start reallysmall say, a weekend getaway sometimesoon. You could plan it around the kinds of things thatyoure both interested or, if you really dont shareany interests at all, you could each pick a variety ofpastimes from each others hobby-basket and getinvolved in the ones that you think sound the mostinteresting.

Its a great way to bring you closer together the more experiences, goals,and interests that you share, the easier it will be for commitment to just fallnaturally into place.

Bring Out the Best in Each Other

Bring out the best in your partner. Appreciate their good points, and makesure you tell them that you do! Remember, commitment springs naturally outof love and its much easier to love someone who makes you feel reallygood about yourself. Supporting and appreciating each other is what lovesall about.

Is your partner funny? Dont hold your laughter back allow yourself to

Discuss thelife goals andachievements

you each havein mind.


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Maintaining your own sense of self, as well as an interest in all the things thatmake you you, is really important for your own happiness, as well as for thehealth and longevity of your relationship.

When the boundaries of your individual personalities begin to blur and blendin with each other (which is actually a relatively common phenomenon forcouples who spend a great deal of time together), the qualityof time spenttogether tends to decrease.

For example, many couples that move in together begin to nd, after a fewmonths have passed, that theyre spending more time together than ever

before, but that the quality of that time has diminished markedly.

Although they spend a lot of time together, most of that time is occupied inlow-value activities like hanging out with a takeout and the TV, instead ofactually interacting with one another.

This is a good example of quantitytime, as opposed to qualitytime.

A great way to increase the amount of quality time spent together is believe

it or not to actually spend a bit more time apart, doing your own thing.

Me time is just as important as we time when it comes to happycouplehood you need to take the time to nourish and nurture your ownspirit, and take some time for yourself away from your partner.

This also relates to the issue of not smothering your partner. Just like you, yourpartner needs me time. They need to be allowed to have the opportunity toenjoy and maintain their identity as an individual, and to do things on their

own.

Not only is making a point of taking me-time a powerful tool for creatingmuch-needed space and individuality in the relationship, but it also tiesin to the truth of that old adage, Absence makes the heart grow fonder!Giving them the opportunity for moderate amounts of time apart is a sign of


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real maturity youre mature and self-aware enough to give them the gift ofmissing you.

Ensuring that each of you has access to adequate me-time will help you toachieve several things:

It will help you to redene yourself as a person, and maintainyour individual identity which is essential to keeping a fresh,healthy perspective on your relationship, and on life in general

It will give you the time necessary to enjoy the things that youlike doing (that your partner doesnt necessarily share yourenthusiasm for), thus keeping your interests and your life well-balanced and full

It will add spice to the conversation and increase theconversational options available to you both youll both havemore energy and more things to talk about

It will increase your mutual desire to spend quality time togetherwhen you do see each other, instead of just chilling out intracksuits on the couch 24/7. Having fun together, not just down-time, is essential for long-term happiness: the couple that playstogether, stays together.

Having fun together, not just down-time, is essentialfor long-term happiness: the couple that plays

together, stays together.


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Chapter 4.

Things That Dont Help Grow Commitment

Insecurity in a relationship is a common desire to increase a partners level ofcommitment. We want to cover our backs, and make sure that we dont haveto go out on a limb any more than we have to our hearts are valuable, afterall, and nobody wants to be needlessly reckless with theirs!

But sometimes, this desire to increase our partners commitment to us leads

us to do strange things. Things that actually end up driving them away, ratherthan bringing them closer to us.

Many of these actions come naturally to us without making a consciouseffort to examine our actions and think about how they might be comingacross to our partner, wed never have a clue that we were acting in a less-than-productive manner.

Thats why its really important to keep an

eye on your levels of self-absorption when itcomes to your relationship. You must alwaystake the time to think about how youreacting from your partners point of view toensure a healthy balance of your desiresversus their desires.

In this chapter, were going to take a look at some of the mistakes that peoplein relationships most commonly make when theyre trying to increase the

commitment level of the relationship.

1. Inadvertently Suffocating Your Partner

Someone whos insecure in a relationship nds it very difcult to just sit back,relax, and let the relationship grow on its own. They feel compelled to try tocontrol the relationship and their partners feelings, to check up on it all thetime to make sure absolutely sure that nothing could be wrong.

You must always

take the time to thinkabout how youreacting from your

partners point ofview.


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Its almost obsessive, in some cases some people admit to feeling as thoughthey cant take their attention off the relationship for even a moment, in case

something goes wrong while their backs turned.

This is pretty understandable after all, we all want to take the best carepossible of the things that mean the most to us.

But smothering a relationship and taking care of it are not the same thing!

If you nd yourself constantly checking with your partner to make sureeverythings OK, that theyre happy in the relationship, that theyre content

with the way things are going, and that nothings wrong, you may feel asthough youre making an effort to keep things on the right track.

This may be your reality; but its denitely not reality for your partner or therelationship itself!

What youre actually doing, when you do this, is telling your partner that youexpect something to be wrong that you have no faith in the relationship, andin your natural connection with each other, to take care of itself.

Youre saying that you feel like youre not naturally suited to each other, andthat you feel like your love needs constant caretaking in order to survive.

Demonstrating such insecurity and neediness is not a good way to increaseyour partners commitment levels to the relationship.

Instead of suffocating your partner with demands for emotional reinforcement,you need to relax and allow them to just be give them some space, and havesome trust in your connection, attraction, and love for each other.

Smothering a relationshipand taking care of it are not

the same thing!


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2. Hint-Dropping

Being indirect and dropping hints about issues that are important to you is nota constructive way to handle communication.

Its quite child-like, in fact.

If youre guilty of hint-dropping, you may not see it aschild-like: you may see it as the safest way to get yourpoint across.

But your partner doesnt see it that way! Being indirectabout meaningful things (like commitment, for example)is an incredibly frustrating way to get a point across.

Its hard on both of you, in fact. Its irritating and frustrating for your partner,who can often tell that somethings up (but cant understand exactly what it isthat you want); and it makes things difcult for you, because youre trying tocommunicate something and its not getting across properly.

Most people appreciate honesty and directness. It takes a certain amountof moral stamina, as well as self-esteem and condence, to be capable ofcandor on subjects that are important to you but its a sign of respect to theperson youre communicating with.

If you want your partner to commit to you, then show them your respectand your love for them through your actions: articulate your thoughts openly,instead of attempting to manipulate your partner through game-playing.

3. Dont Let Things Slide

Be wary of actions that harm your relationship.

When youre comfortable with someone, its relatively commonplace to letyour personality slide a little bit to let aspects of your character show thatyou wouldnt have dreamed of showing when youd rst started dating.

Most peopleappreciate

honesty and

directness.


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Maybe you get grumpy when youre tired, and instead of making an effort to

smile and be pleasant and thus counteract your grumpiness in a productive,albeit more effortful, way - you take it out on your partner, and vent yourfeelings by being snappy and crotchety.

Perhaps youve taken to nagging your partner asking repetitively for them tochange aspects of their behavior or habits, and failing to change your methodswhen the nagging proves itself to be useless as a modication tool.

Or do you criticize your partner more often than you realize? Maybe you nd

fault with them a little too often, and are a little too eager to articulate yourndings.

There are many ways of bringing a relationship down from the inside, andthey dont all have to be extravagant, large-scale events often, theyre theinsidious daily occurrences which simply erode away your enjoyment in eachothers company.

Be aware that these sorts of things actively harm your relationship, and destroythe bond of love and trust between you and your partner. The sooner youcut them out, the better. Think about why you might be doing these things:often, these sorts of behaviors are more about petty, unarticulated resentmentsmanifesting themselves than a real desire to, say, criticize your partnersunwashed hair/penchant for TV watching over breakfast/odd socks.

Again, it all boils down to communication. Inormally advocate that, if you notice yourselfdoing these things, you show your partnerthat you respect and care about him or her by

acknowledging that youve been behaving inthis way, and telling them that youre makingefforts to change that behavior.

Or perhaps youre on the receiving end of this sort of treatment? If thats thecase, its denitely your responsibility to communicate your dissatisfaction toyour partner pronto, before it becomes a major issue!

Again, its really important that you dont let resentments build up this is

a natural destroyer of true commitment and love. You need to learn to talk

There are manyways of bringing arelationship down

from the inside.


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about your feelings openly and honestly: assertively, but without aggression.

If something that your partners doing is bothering you, make sure that you tellthem that it does. Dont make the mistake of hoping that itll all just somehowgo away on its own that your partner will magically just stop doing it, or thatyoull learn to deal with the negative feelings without needing to talk aboutit. They wont; and you wont.

Resentments tend to linger and self-magnify if theyre not quickly rooted outand addressed through simple communication.

This isnt something that has to be a bigdeal theres no need for sweaty palmsor a dry mouth. Even if youre nervousabout confrontation (even the kind of mild,assertive-not-aggressive confrontation thatwere talking about here), just rememberthis: the more honest you are, the less hurtyoull cause.

What I mean by this is quite simple: all you have to do is break down for yourpartner what youre thinking and feeling.

You dont need to just blast them with a complete, out-of-the-blueannouncement that their behaviors been bothering you. You can warm up toit by explaining that theres something youd like to address, and that youre alittle nervous/ustered because you dont want to cause offense.

Then, you can explain that youd like to make a habit of being as open andhonest as possible, so youre trying to overcome your natural reluctance to

directly address potential issues.

After that, you can bring up the issue, whatever it is.

This approach is going to almost guarantee you a sympathetic ear!

Prefacing these kinds of statements with an admission of your own vulnerabilityreally takes the sting out your following words, and helps your partner to viewyour words objectively meaning theyre that much more likely to take your

request on board, and act on it.

This approach isgoing to almostguarantee you asympathetic ear!


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Ultimately, the solution to any problem in your relationship is communication.

Communicating effectively isnt always easy it takes time to get comfortablewith addressing important issues, and with wording your statements in such away that your partner is able to understand your true meaning without gettingbogged down by personal subtexts.

Your persistence will denitely pay off, though the best thing you can doto engender commitment in your relationship is to commit yourself to thewellbeing of the relationship and of your partner.

In the truest sense of the word, commitment is about respecting your partnerenough to be honest and authentic with them. This will enable you both to beyour truest, most honest selves, and to love each other for who you really are meaning that you can give each other the love, encouragement, and supportthat you both need to feel and act your best.

Commitment is about respectingyour partner enough to be honestand authentic with them.


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Chapter 5.

Commitment-Phobes: If They Wont Commit, Are They Even

AbleTo Commit?

From time to time, you will probably come across people that it will bedifcult to increase the commitment level and value of the relationship with,no matter how much time, energy, and effort is invested.

Several of my own personal friends have made the mistake of attempting

relationships with these sorts of people despite the warning signs, theywent ahead and committed their emotions and energy to trying to changesomeones personal truth as it existed in the present moment.

Im sure you can recognize these sorts of people when your friends andassociates are attempting relations with them theyre easy to spot, from anobjective distance.

But when its happening to you when its your heart and your emotions at

risk perversely, its often actually more difcult to realize whats going on.

So were going to take a quick look at the types of people who its not agood idea to get involved with; then, well deal briey with what to do ifyoure already involved, and its your own partner whos having a hard timecommitting.

If you arent open with yourpartner about what youre

true feelings, youre admittingdefeat.


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Here are some of the warning signs of people who you should stay away fromif its commitment that youre after:

People who are just out to have fun and who tell you thattheyre not interested in a relationship (for whatever reason).Do not make the mistake of assuming that you can get them tochange their mind about this: if theyre denite enough to abouttheir stance on the topic to be up-front about it, pay attentionand believe them. Two words: caveat emptor!

People who are with you because they have settled. In other

words, they dont believe they can do any better. They may havereservations and misgivings about the relationship, but theyreafraid (at the present moment, anyway) to try for what theyreally want. Youll never be able to relax with this sort of person,because you know deep down that the moment something orsomeone better comes along, theyll take off like a shot.

People who are depending on you for something. It doesnt matterwhat it is nancial resources, a place to say, a job, for self-esteem reasons, anything. A relationship based on dependencyis always going to be wildly unstable and unpredictable remember, dependency fosters resentment, which kills off thelove.

People in a transitional phase of their lives, whose life isundergoing a major change. Specically, Im talking aboutpeople who have just ended, or who are in the process of ending,a serious relationship. Obviously, there are always exceptionsto the rule, but in the vast majority of cases, someone whose

life has just turned a big corner doesnt even know themselveswhat direction theyre going to head in next which makescommitting themselves to a new relationship pretty difcult, andpretty unlikely.


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What to Do If Your Partners Having a Hard Time Committing

If youre already involved with someone who seems to be having reservationsabout commitment, its not going to be of much use to you knowing the sortsof people you should avoid.

Its too late for that youre already involved!

So what should you do about it? How can you recoup the situation andminimize any potential pain or misunderstanding?

Basically, you are going to have to talk to your partnerabout the situation and your feelings.

Some reluctance to do this is understandable youmay feel as though articulating your feelings will causethem to run in the opposite direction. After all, if youthink theyre a commitment-phobe, then so muchas mentioning the word commitment will have anadverse effect, right?

Well maybe. But, in truth, it sounds as though youre stuck between a rockand a hard place. I think the best thing for you to do is to confront the issue and you can start by acknowledging, to yourself, the fact that you feel asthough there may be a problem.

Lets look at this rationally here. Your options are:

To be honest about what youre thinking to yourself and to yourpartner.

To acknowledge to yourself what youre thinking and feeling, butremain silent about it to your partner.

To pretend to yourself and your partner that theres no problem.

Well, it already sounds as though Option #3 isnt actually an option for you(since youre reading this book, for a start!), so lets look at the relative meritsof t Options #1 and #2.

Youre notbeing true toyourself, and

thus yourealso not beingtrue to yourpartner.


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Well look at Option #2 rst.

If you arent open with your partner about what youre true feelings, youreadmitting defeat.

Youre saying, Yes, I know theres no hope here. I know that I cant tell mypartner what Im thinking, because my true feelings are the complete oppositeof what he or she wants to hear. Im going to pretend to myself for a little bitlonger (or a lot longer) that everythings ne, and that Im happy to be in anundened, uncommitted relationship, because to me thats better than norelationship at all.

Can you see how that kind of relationship isnt really a relationship at all? Arelationship thats based on emotional dishonesty and concealment doesnthave much of an opportunity to grow.

Youre not being true to yourself, and thus youre alsonot being true to your partner: youre presenting a half-image of yourself to them. Youre not giving them thefull story.

In the short run, this may be something that yourecontent with; but how long do you think youll be ableto keep up the faade for? Youll probably be able tostick it out for awhile after all, if you really like oreven love this person, youll make an effort to keepthings going but eventually, your feelings are goingto get the better of you.

And you know what happens when feelings get bottled up the result is an

eruption. An unexpected, inconvenient, and unattractive eruption.

One thats far less attractive, and far less effective, than simply addressingyour thoughts and emotions now, while theyre still manageable.

So thats option two. Now lets look at option one: the one where yourehonest about what youre thinking to yourself, and to your partner.

This is probably the most emotionally challenging option to choose, because

you are putting yourself in a position of vulnerability.

Dont smileand pretend toyourself that

everythingsOK if youknow its not.


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If youve sensed that theres a lack of certainty in your partners commitment

to you and the relationship, bringing up the fact that youve noticed that lackis strongly counterintuitive: it goes against your instincts.

Your instincts are probably telling you to procrastinate: to go with option twoor three, because theyre easier and you have less chance of scaring yourpartner off that way.

And Ill be honest with you if your partner is a commitment-phobe, there isa chance that he or she may actually be frightened away by you mentioning

your thoughts and feelings on this matter. Obviously, you dont want this tohappen: you love, or at least like, your partner, and want the relationship tolast.

But a relationship in which you cannot rely on your partners commitmentto you is not a real relationship. Its a sham and one thats placing anunwelcome, and certainly unfair, emotional burden on you.

If youre being forced to pretend that youre content to be in a relationship withsomeone whos being evasive about the emotional energy and time theyrewilling to commit to that relationship, then thats not a healthy situation.

Its going to make you unhappy, even while youre pretending to yourself thatyoure better off in this relationship.

Dont smile and pretend to yourself that everythings OKif you know its not you have a right (and, actually,it could be argued that you owe it to yourself and therelationship that you claim to be committed to) to be

honest here. Things cant possibly get any better unlessyou lay all your cards on the table, and request that yourpartner does the same.

The fact remains: honesty is the best policy. Remember,you dont have to make a huge big deal out of yourfeelings remember how we discussed, in ChapterThree, how to have a low-key conversation with yourpartner about mutual goals and interests?

Being trueto yourself

is a reallyimportantpart of being

a happyperson.


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Those same principles can be applied here. Dont put too much pressure

on your partner: you want to strike the right balance of awareness of theirpotential uncertainty, and honesty about your own feelings and needs.

So dont come right out and pin them to the wall with a statement of needinessand insecurity; but on the other hand, dont beat around the bush either(remembering that candor and directness are necessary for respect and loveto ourish).

A simple, This is how I feel at the moment. How do you feel about that?

will sufce admirably.

Emotional honesty in itself is a major step in and of itself towards commitment.It signies that not only do you respect your partner enough to be honestabout a difcult topic, but that you yourself are mature enough to hold upyour end of the bargain in a proper, committed relationship.

Being true to yourself is a really important part of being a happy person, andbeing a good, committed partner you need to be rm about what you needand expect out of a relationship.

There are two possible outcomes from the conversation that you will havewith your partner, if you pick option number one: either they will reassureyou and lay your feelings to rest, or they will conrm your suspicions thattheyre not ready to commit.

If the former is true, then thats wonderful and youve gotnothing to worry about.

If the latter is true, then thats going to be difcult for you tohear but, at the risk of sounding infuriatingly optimistic,think how terrible it would have been if youd waited tohave this conversation.

If youd procrastinated and put it off, think how muchtime you could have wasted pretending to yourself thateverything was OK!

Dont put

too muchpressureon your

partner.


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Be sure that you dont blame yourself for initiating the problem, or your

partners reaction, by initiating the conversation (unless you tried to have thetalk in the rst couple of weeks of dating someone, in which case you reallygave them little other option to respond!).

A commitment-phobe is a commitment-phobe. If youve been with this personlong enough to know that youre committed to the relationship, then theyvealmost certainly had plenty of time to gure out where theyre at, too.

What Im saying is this: there is little to be gained from delaying this conversation

(again, unless youre still in the really early days of a relationship). There is nopoint in wasting your time hanging around, waiting for your partner to wakeup and realize how fabulous you are.

Remember, you cant force anyone to feel anything for you that they wouldntdo on their own so if your partners uncertain about their feelings for you,there is nothing you could have done to change their mind or heart.

So dont waste your time or energy in trying to convince them that youre rightfor each other - rstly, because you cant (its as simple as that); and secondly,because there are too many people out there right now, wondering whentheyll get to meet someone just like you!

You cant force anyone to feel anything for you


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Afterword

I hope this book has been of use to you.

The issue of commitment is a huge and complicated one there are so manyvarieties on the question, How can I get my partner to be more committed tome? that I cant even begin to address them all individually.

The thing is, they all boil down to essentially the same question, and theresonly one answer to that question.

You cannot hope to get anybody to truly commit to you if youre not honest.

You need to be honest with yourself, about what youre feeling and thinking;and you need to be honest with your partner, too, and convey to them yourpersonal truths.

If youre not honest, and you allow communication to lapse, that is the closestthing to a guarantee that I can think of that the commitment levels in yourrelationship will nosedive.

Fortunately, the converse is also true: the best recipe there is for apositive, loving, healthy, balance, mutually committed relationship iscommunication.\Its as simple as that.

So start working on your communication with your partner. You dont have tobite off more than you can chew: remember to break it down for them intosmall, bite-sized chunks of truthfulness.

You can start by telling them that youdlike to start working on improving thecommunication between the two of you,and asking them how they would feel

about taking part in that.

You cannot hope toget anybody to truly

commit to you ifyoure not honest.


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Thats all it is. Theres no trick to it. Building a fantastic relationship is as easy

as saying,This is how I feel. How do you feel about that?

So give it a shot. See what you can build out of that one simple phrase.

I think you may be pleasantly surprised!

Mia Summers


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From First Dates to Soul Mates

If you are someone either in a relationship or contemplating a relationshipwhere you want to move to the next level of commitment, chances are theroad to success is pitted with its fair share of frustrations and setbacks.

You have seen it happen in the movies. You may have seen it happen withfriends. They meet a guy or a gal, fall in love, move in together, get engaged,and seem to live happily ever after. They make it look so easy, and make theelusiveness of real love in your life almost seem a myth! Why then is it so hardfor you to have a committed relationship? When is it going to be your turn to

live the dream?

Now everyone has a theory when it comes to commitment. Some say youshould never use the L word until the other person does. Others say youshould cancel a date every so often to show your partner that you arentalways available. Others still say you should become close friends with theirfriends and family, so its almost impossible to separate you from their life.

With all these mixed messages, what do we know is correct? What do we

know will work? Should we call her back the day after the date? Should weirt with his friends to make him jealous and possessive? Should we fakean illness or a personal crisis to see if he will come and rescue you, andmake him see how much he treasures and loves you? How do you take yourrelationship from rst date to soul mate?

Thats where Meet Your Sweets latest book can help provide some denitiveanswers. Its called From First Dates To Soul Mates: How to Take Things Tothe Next Level of Commitment without Screwing It Up!

Author Amy Waterman recognizes the power of peoples opinions in ndingthe best way to take things to the next level and create a committed relationship,and it sidesteps the game playing, manipulation, and emotional trickery thatmany people believe is necessary to get your man or woman to commit toyou.

Commitment isnt something that should be forced. Similarly, commitmentisnt something that only one person can create. True commitment, the typethat leads to deep and lasting relationships, is something that must comenaturally, is completely non-manipulative, and is effortless.


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Real commitment is much more than a promise to take it to the next level. Its

much more than a promise to move in together. Its much more even than awedding ring, or a public declaration that they love you and want to be withyou forever.

Its a natural feeling that cant be mimicked, and something much deeper thansimple hollow words. Devotion is not an action; its an unthinking feeling thatwells from within.

According to Amy, the commitment you are seeking, the type that lasting

relationships are founded on, ..is a natural emotional response to being in arelationship that just plain feels GREAT.

So how do you create the right environment for the relationship to naturallyourish to the point of natural, meaningful, deeper commitment?

By a range of different tips, techniques, and insightful perspectives, all laidout neatly and logically, in an easy-to-use format by the talented writers atMeet Your Sweet.

Whether its understanding the biological basis of commitment, the setting ofrealistic expectations, knowing how a committed relationship grows, knowingthe 6 stages of commitment, or the transition from dating to a relationship,Amy has readers absorbed from the rst sentence.

No matter if you are starting a new relationship, are making the transitionfrom dating to exclusivity, or moving from a relationship to a long-termcommitment, Amy has pertinent advice that is going to help you create arelationship environment and dynamic that is going to take you from strength

to strength,

Do you know the 5 Elements of Attraction?Do you know what you can expect from a committed partner?Do you understand what a partner can expect from you/What does commitment mean to you?

And if thats not enough, Amy helps readers take the material off the pageand into their everyday lives through a series of useful and thought-provoking

exercises. Ever wondered how great all this looks in theory but dont understand


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how it applies to you and your relationship? Take one or all of the exercisesoutlined in this weighty guide to start making some real changes in your life.

Relationships are never easy, and in most cases it feels as though we are yingblind. Put an end to the guesswork of understanding your relationships andnd out concrete techniques and methods to take the relationship forward, ina way that commitment comes naturally, motivation-free, and effortlessly.

From First Dates To Soul Mates. Keep an eye out for it by visiting Meet YourSweets web page at:

http://www.meetyoursweet.com/commitment
http://www.meetyoursweet.com/commitmenthttp://www.meetyoursweet.com/commitment

double commitment

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