domestic and family violence · 2017-03-20 · 2 / course 1 . defining domestic and family violence...

Domestic and Family Violence

Course 1Defining Domestic and Family Violence

NOT NOW, NOT EVER

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/ Course 1 Defining Domestic and Family Violence

/ Report 1“Kevin presented as someone who wanted more for himself and his family. He was extremely open about the incident where he hit Mary. He thinks she is a lazy mum and is not motivated enough to look after their three children. Whenever he is home she doesn’t do anything with them, just sends them to their room or outside. This is what annoys him and makes him so angry.”

/ Report 2Write your improved version of the report below.

Activity – Using language appropriatelyNow it’s your turn to practice using language to appropriately describe DFV.

Report 1 below is a report of a DFV incident involving Kevin and Mary, but it doesn’t use language very well to document the situation. Use the space provided below to reword Report 1 and provide more information.

Ensure the perpetrator is held accountable for their actions, while the survivor’s role in protecting themselves and the children is also acknowledged. When you are done, return to the online course.

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Q / 1What are your initial thoughts and feelings towards Nola?

Nola’s storySource: http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/nola_domestic_violence_story.html

He was that nice guy at work, a single dad, and something really drew me to him. We started quickly. It wasn’t long before I was pregnant with our first child. He left soon after finding out, saying that he wasn’t ready for another family and he wanted to work on his other family. To him, I wasn’t even classed as family. We remained separated for my whole pregnancy. I offered for him to go to every ultrasound or doctor’s appointment, but he refused. It broke my heart, but I kept going. He always said that he was going to be there for the birth.

Well, I started labour and his excuse was that he couldn’t come because he was busy. It was the next day before he came and saw our child. His heart melted as soon as he saw her and he sat on my bed saying that he wanted to be a family, my family. My heart melted. This is all I wanted: my family together. I agreed to go slowly.

Q / 2What are your initial thoughts and feelings towards Nola’s partner?


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Q / 3What are some strategies for managing your own values and beliefs around DFV when working with families, to ensure it does not impact on your engagement with and assessment of the family?

Q / 4Is DFV present in this relationship at this point? Why/why not?

“He always said that he was going to be there

for the birth.”

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Q / 5What form/s of abuse is Nola’s partner using against her?

Things fell apart not even a few weeks later: he wanted me to do all the driving and coming to see him, and made no effort to see his daughter or me.

I went on holiday, and it was while on holiday that I had found out that he was sleeping with someone else. My heart broke. I can’t remember how, but we ended up talking and getting back together. He moved in with me and this is when the abuse started:

• the controlling • not wanting me to go out, go on the computer, etc.

I didn’t think anything of it. Just thought that I was in the wrong and I should stop. It caused arguments and I was always the one left to say sorry.

Q / 6What are the signs of this abuse that others around Nola may notice?


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Things went okay for a few years. I did what he wanted and just thought that this is the way things are meant to be. I kept quiet and knew his cues enough not to set him off. I thought I was happy, thought that this is what it is like to be in a relationship with children.

Then we had our second child and things went sour. I was dealing with a new baby, plus older children, and the household, but whatever I did wasn’t enough. I was always not keeping the house clean enough. He would have to come home and clean over what I already did. I was always on the computer too much, even though I was studying my Bachelors.

There was no contact between us, it was two people living in a house together, not a partnership. But he still had control over the money and where I went. Going to Uni was even an issue. However, I managed to pass the course, despite going as rarely as possible.

Q / 7What form/s of abuse is Nola’s partner using against her now?

Q / 8What impact is the DFV likely having on the couple’s children?

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Q / 9What form/s of abuse is Nola’s partner using against her now?

The start of most of our problems was when I found out that he was cheating on me. Of course, it was my fault. I wasn’t paying him enough attention. He apologised and said he never would do it again. I believed him. But things were still bad. I had spoken to a friend and she’d alerted me to the fact that this isn’t okay. I got the opportunity to move into a family member’s house, and thought that my sister’s house would be a perfect opportunity to get away. So I moved (with the kids), and he stayed in our rented house. Suddenly, he was this sweet, attentive guy that was the one I fell in love with again. I relented, so he moved in with me and the kids.

Things went okay for a while, but then the arguments started: I was on the computer too much, I wanted to go out with friends. I remember one night I had a good friend’s birthday to go to - he was fine with me going until that night - he started to get really angry that I was going out and not staying home to be with the family. I decided to still go, he made the night horrible. I couldn’t enjoy myself and he was sending nasty text messages. I honestly felt like I had done something wrong.



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“He started to get really angry that I was going.”

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“I learnt that this was

Domestic Violence.”

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Things came to a blow and I was done, and so was he. We both decided that this wasn’t healthy and that all the fighting was starting to affect the kids. We decided that he would have to move out - I called my mum to let her know (she had never known any of the above). I just told her that we had grown apart and thought it was best to split. I remember her telling me that I was making a mistake and should try to make it work. I was ruining my family.

I felt alone and scared, all those people that said they would be there for me weren’t.

I was alone. What came next was two years of hell. He got worse. There was the stalking, the 70 messages a day, he made me feel like it was my fault and like I should go to counselling - that was where I learnt that this was Domestic Violence. I was and had been in a Domestic Violence relationship for years. I still felt that it was my fault somehow.

Q / 11How does the cycle of violence apply to the DFV that Nola is experiencing?

Q / 12What key factors would you need to take into consideration when engaging with this family?

“I learnt that this was

Domestic Violence.”Well done! You’ve reached the end of this scenario. Please discuss your completed answers in this workbook with your supervisor.

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Samantha’s storySamantha is a 26 year old woman who lives with her husband Nick (35) and they have been married for 18 months. Samantha is 7 months pregnant. Samantha’s two children from her previous relationships also live with Samantha and Nick. Tabitha is 8 years old and Sean is 4 years old. Tabitha is in Year 3 at the local state primary school and Sean attends the childcare centre three days per week. Neither Tabitha nor Sean’s fathers have expressed an interest in the children since their births.

Nick is a CEO of a well-known construction company. Nick is well-liked and respected in the community and many times Samantha has been told how lucky she is to have him as her husband.

Prior to getting married Nick was attentive and interested in Tabitha and Sean. Samantha thought he would make a great father and adored him. Samantha was often amazed at the interest Nick showed in the smallest things she did. Nick gave her wonderful advice on what clothes she should wear when going out, which made Samantha even more appreciative of the way he looked after her. He would ring her several times a day just to chat and see what she was up to and sometimes would turn up at home to surprise her and have a coffee. Samantha was very grateful when Nick warned her that some of her friends were being critical of her and her relationship with Nick behind her back. Samantha took Nick’s advice and discontinued the friendships.

After they were married Nick became more demanding of Samantha and was very strict with Tabitha and Sean. He said it was for their own sakes – he didn’t want the kids growing up to be delinquents. He believed children should be seen and not heard and that Samantha was too soft on them. Samantha tried very hard to keep the children quiet and have them do exactly as Nick said. Nick would berate her for being a bad mother when the children were too noisy or didn’t do what he asked.

Q / 1What are your initial thoughts and feelings towards Samantha?

Q / 2What are your initial thoughts and feelings towards Nick?


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Q / 3What are some strategies for managing your own values and beliefs around DFV when working with families, to ensure it does not impact on your engagement with and assessment of the family?

Q / 4Is DFV present in this relationship at this point? Why/why not?

“He believed children should

be seen and not heard.”

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Q / 5 What form/s of abuse is Nola’s partner using against her?

Samantha became more and more concerned with the way Nick was treating the children. She didn’t agree with his hitting the children, and on more then one occasion when she intervened, Nick took his anger out on her, punching and kicking her in the head, legs and trunk.

However the children had access to things they never had before and were both enrolled in sport – money was no problem. If the children needed new shoes or clothes, Samantha had a very generous allowance to buy these things. It was one thing Nick did well: insisting that the children were dressed well and had good quality toys. He even took Sean to soccer on a Saturday morning for ‘male bonding time over sport’ as he put it.



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Prior to ending her friendship with a friend of 10 years at Nick’s insistence, Samantha disclosed that she couldn’t possibly leave her marriage – even though she felt she should – because she was feeling trapped. The most confusing and difficult part was that Nick was so attentive and loving after he was angry, and Samantha knew he had a very stressful job. She really felt lucky that Nick had taken on two other men’s children as his own.

Police had been called on a previous occasion following notification of a domestic violence incident. Samantha presented as being angry and shouted abuse at the officers, and denied that any abuse had occurred. Nick advised officers that Samantha was a little ‘hot-headed’ at times, especially when she had had a drink or two.

Q / 7What form/s of abuse is Nick using against Samantha now?

Q / 8What are the signs of this abuse that others around Samantha may notice?

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Q / 9How does the cycle of violence apply to the DFV that Samantha is experiencing?

Tabitha’s teacher, Joanne, first noticed that Samantha wasn’t her usual outgoing self when she stopped spending as much time at the school as a volunteer helper and appeared withdrawn when collecting Tabitha. Joanne also noticed bruises on Samantha’s face and legs. When Joanne inquired about them Samantha laughed it off saying she bumped into something or fell over, commenting that she was so clumsy when pregnant. Tabitha had also attended school without lunch several times and Joanne was concerned that there was violence in the home.

When Tabitha arrived at school with a large unexplained bruise and bump on her head, Joanne raised her concerns with the principal who contacted the Department of Communities, Disabilities and Child Safety regional intake service (RIS) to make a report.

Q / 10What key factors would you need to take into consideration when engaging with this family?


Well done! You’ve reached the end of this scenario. Please discuss your completed answers in this workbook with your supervisor.

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“Tabitha had also attended school

without lunch several times.”

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Confirmation of assessmentWhen you have completed all of the online course, including the quiz, and all of the activities in this workbook, please complete the declaration below.

/ My details

Name:

Senior team leader:

Work location (e.g. CSSC and Region):

/ CSO verification:I acknowledge that:

• I have completed all courses and associated iLearn quiz

• all material contained in my workbook is my own work

• plagiarism is a serious matter and may result in failure to successfully complete GRO.

/ Senior team leader/ Senior practitioner verification:I verify to the best of my knowledge that all required learning material has been completed by the above named CSO. I also verify that where required by the learning activity/document supervision has occurred with the CSO to confirm the CSOs understanding and application of the learning.

Supervisor’s name:

Supervisor’s signature: Date:

domestic and family violence · 2017-03-20 · 2 / course 1 . defining domestic and family violence...

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