jack watts

Jack Watts That big gray house The one with the big gray yard The one that smells really good No not that one the other one YES! YES! THAT’S IT! HELLO I SEE YOU! Littleton, CO 80123 Background and Career Goals I am pleased, excited, and mildly confused to be seeking new professional horizons after an Ivy League education, a Rhodes Scholarship, a Macarthur genius grant, two NIH funded metadata studies, a Pulitzer, three years on the National Book Award shortlist, and 28 years as one of the Southwest's most aggressive and effective intellectual property litigators. After much reflection, I have come to realize that my true passion lies in being a good boy. Also, licking people's hands and being vaguely alarmed by the cat. This may seem quixotic to some, and many reading my profile will question the credibility and judgment of a novelist/lawyer/scientist who has decided to walk away from his empire, start over and become a good boy. But I truly feel that this is my calling and that I can achieve it. Yes, I can! Yes, I can! I am such a snoodlebug and I CAN DO THIS YEAH YEAH YEAH UH HUH YAY YAY oh shit the cat Experience 1987-2015 Executive/Attorney/Swashbuckler/Shark Tank Shark Oh, all the hell over Corporate takeovers, contract negotiations, a blistering exposé of behind-the-scenes skullduggery in the potato chip industry, a sprawling epic trilogy of a dog and his blanket that redefined science fiction for the 21 st century and caused the New York Review of Books to describe me as the voice of a generation and a sweet little boo. Anyhow, a lot of stuff. It’s not important. That isn’t who I am anymore. 2015-present Emotional Support Staﬀ (Independent Contractor) Littleton, CO I provide in-house, personalized emotional support to a telecommuting Colorado executive. Job duties include sleeping on her foot, nudging my head under her hand until she skritches me behind my ears, resting my head on her knee and gazing soulfully at her, meaningful sighs, flopping, licking, bouncing eagerly in anticipation of walks, routine household maintenance (patrolling all level surfaces for abandoned food particles), and generally being A GOOD BOY SO GOOD WHAT A MUFFIN. Education Years Attended School Name and Location Degree Earned 1981-1985 Harvard College, Cambridge, MA BA? Maybe a BS? Anyhow, it was a B something.

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Jack WattsThat big gray house

The one with the big gray yardThe one that smells really good

No not that one the other oneYES! YES! THAT’S IT! HELLO I SEE YOU!

Littleton, CO 80123

Background and Career GoalsI am pleased, excited, and mildly confused to be seeking new professional horizons after an Ivy League education, a Rhodes Scholarship, a Macarthur genius grant, two NIH funded metadata studies, a Pulitzer, three years on the National Book Award shortlist, and 28 years as one of the Southwest's most aggressive and effective intellectual property litigators. After much reflection, I have come to realize that my true passion lies in being a good boy. Also, licking people's hands and being vaguely alarmed by the cat.

This may seem quixotic to some, and many reading my profile will question the credibility and judgment of a novelist/lawyer/scientist who has decided to walk away from his empire, start over and become a good boy. But I truly feel that this is my calling and that I can achieve it. Yes, I can! Yes, I can! I am such a snoodlebug and I CAN DO THIS YEAH YEAH YEAH UH HUH YAY YAY oh shit the cat

Experience1987-2015 Executive/Attorney/Swashbuckler/Shark Tank Shark Oh, all the hell over

Corporate takeovers, contract negotiations, a blistering exposé of behind-the-scenes skullduggery in the potato chip industry, a sprawling epic trilogy of a dog and his blanket that redefined science fiction for the 21st century and caused the New York Review of Books to describe me as the voice of a generation and a sweet little boo. Anyhow, a lot of stuff. It’s not important. That isn’t who I am anymore.

2015-present Emotional Support Staff (Independent Contractor)Littleton, CO

I provide in-house, personalized emotional support to a telecommuting Colorado executive. Job duties include sleeping on her foot, nudging my head under her hand until she skritches me behind my ears, resting my head on her knee and gazing soulfully at her, meaningful sighs, flopping, licking, bouncing eagerly in anticipation of walks, routine household maintenance (patrolling all level surfaces for abandoned food particles), and generally being A GOOD BOY SO GOOD WHAT A MUFFIN.

EducationYears Attended School Name and Location Degree Earned1981-1985 Harvard College, Cambridge, MA BA? Maybe a BS? Anyhow, it was

a B something.

1985-1987 Yale Schools of Law and Medicine Oh God WHO CARES. What does New Haven, CT it all MEAN? All that matters is

that now I am a GOOD BOY.

2015-2016 Littleton Obedience Academy G.D. (Good Doggie), Littleton, CO summa cum cutie

Related Skills•Licking •Rolling•Scratching •Expert Cat Sniffer