DrSupremeNerd's Home for Unrepentant Sociopaths: An Asylum Challenge

Part 2: It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad 'Hood

Asylum Challenge rules by SimScout: one playable Sim, seven uncontrollable Sims, $100 in the bank after building, supplies limited in quality and quantity, no rewards of any kind. The challenge ends when the playable Sim reaches Permaplat.

The Playable: SimNerd, my SimSelf. Knowledge Sim with the LTW to Max 7 Skills.The Inmates: Uranium Apocalypso (from EphemeralToast on boolprop.com/ephemeraltoast on the Exchange's Apocalypso-A-Go-Go); Gaius Caesar (from Blite27/Netsfn1427's Ten Caesars); Salahuddin Chamcha (from katrih83's Bookacy); Cecil Goodytwoshoes (professorbutters/Loolooloo16play's Squeaky Clean Legacy); Kirstial Legacina (Orikes/orikes360's Pseudo Legacy); Vee Semper (GintasticNecat's Science of a Legacy); and Cypress Vetinari (DrSupremeNerd's Vetinari Dualegacy).

In an amusing twist, the Aspirations and (evil) personalities of the villainous inmates are intact.

SimNerd: "You know I have only two Mechanical points, right?"It's gotta be fixed sooner or later!SimNerd: "How 'bout later? When I have more Mechanical points."C'mon, the odds of you getting electrocuted are, like...

...100%, I guess.SimNerd: "YOU SUCK."

Salahuddin: "Oh, the humanity! ...I'm suddenly hungry for some bacon..."SimNerd: "...Hate...you..."

Salahuddin: "What kind of fake Knowledge Sim are you, anyway? FEARING getting electrocuted! Hahahahaha! Loser!"SimNerd: "Actually, it's from Losing a Skill Point. Hey, RealNerd? Smooth move, there, genius. You are aware the whole point is to MAX all 7?"Salahuddin: "Hahahaha, you're the avatar of an idiot!"SimNerd: "If I didn't need to run to the bathroom so I could get there before Uranium does because I still have to go to work in an hour, I would so be giving you a piece of my mind."Salahuddin: "You might not want to give away too many pieces of your mind; you seem to be running short already."SimNerd: "HAAAATE."

Uranium: "Hey! I have to pee and that crispy-fried chick is using the toilet!"SimNerd: "PWND."

But Uranium's offering to the Potty God is further postponed by Kirstial.

...And either a wolf just came on the lot, or Kirstial's getting Aspiration points for getting in a fight with Uranium.

Kirstial actually won this one, although my game didn't want to pause so much, so there's no picture of Kirstial's triumphant hand-dusting-off.

Uranium: "I only lost because I was distracted by my full bladder! It will not happen again, I assure you."Cypress: "MEEEE! I am awesome!"

Aside from random hugs, he brags about himself CONSTANTLY. He and Cecil pretty much only dream about themselves. And when he's bragging, what does he brag about?

Yeah. No idea why. He pulled this with Cecil last chapter, and it was weird then, and it's still weird now. 'Course, he was created as an Adult, so he's got that stupid Mystery Sim memory panel spam that I am too lazy to get rid of, and I guess that's his only noteworthy accomplishment.

Yay Cypress! You're exactly like every other CAS'd Adult Sim ever! Woooo!

Think I'm kidding about the size of his ego or his favorite topic?

Nope. He literally turned 90* from Kirstial to Salahuddin and started all over again.

But a momentous event is happening elsewhere!

It's the first green-fume of the Asylum!

Kirstial: "PWND!"Uranium: "You people need to stop saying that."

Salahuddin: "So I hear there's some sort of spatula trick. Could you tell me more?"Uranium: "I could show you. But we're going to need a double bed, a chicken hat, and a sexy lamp."Salahuddin: "And suddenly, I'm not that curious."

Gaius: "Time for another delicious salad! Yum yum!"

This guy is seriously the worst Grilled Cheese Sim ever. He never makes himself grilled cheese! ARGH GAIUS. You could so be keeping yourself platinum! He doesn't even talk to anyone about grilled cheese!

Cypress: "You know what's even better than chick fight? Chick fight IN UNDERWEAR! This is just like a beer commercial--uh, JUICE, I mean, JUICE commercial."

Cypress: "Ah, if only there were a slow-motion button for life..."

Uranium: "Hello, fellow Potty Worshipper!"Cypress: "Honestly, I'm not a Potty Worshipper. Just your regular, garden-variety neat freak."Uranium: "I require a celebratory grope."Cypress: "Icky."Uranium: "That was not a question."Cypress: "I'm usually the one saying that."

Cypress: "Just keep the hands above the waist, mmmkay?"

Cecil: "This is beginning to become tiresome."Gaius: "Only if you don't like to watch scantily-clad women slapping each other."Cypress: "I knew there was a reason I liked you."Vee: "Time to grab a cup of coffee and spend all day at the piano!"

Cecil: *biff*Kirstial: *SLAP*Cypress: "If I act quickly, I can clean all the counters!"

Salahuddin: "So you've got a pretty one-track mind, haven't you?"

Cypress: "I guess you could say that, although I'd much rather focus my efforts on Eeevil."

Kirstial: "I have stolen the piano from Vee! And I do not appear to be rolling any generic 'Gain a Skill Point' Wants!"

SimNerd: "Cecil broke the shower."I know.SimNerd: "He'll clean up the puddles, but he won't fix the problem?"Nope. And you need the skill points anyway.SimNerd: "He's poking me with the mop."

Cecil: "Ms. Semper, perhaps you have heard of the concept of personal space?"Vee: "Heard of it. Choose to ignore it."

Salahuddin: "I'm hungry! I think I'm going to go to the bathroom and then go to sleep."Cypress: "That doesn't seem to make a lot of sense."Salahuddin: "Do not question the wisdom of Salahuddin Chamcha!"Cypress: "...Oh, nertz--we're getting dumber, aren't we?"

Cypress: "I'm so platinum right now."Vee: "MONEYYYYYY!"Cypress: "Sucka!"

SimNerd: "Mmmmm... Liquid awakeness... MOAR skilling."

Kirstial: "I know there's a plate of freshly-cooked hamburgers over there on that counter, but I just HAD to cook this green-fuming, fly-covered omelet that no one cleaned up after breakfast!"

Kirstial is the worst Knowledge Sim I have had since Rhea Vetinari.

Kirstial: "Awwww... Now it's a CRISPY, green-fuming, fly-covered omelet."

Kirstial: "Whoa! Did I do that?"Vee: "Fire! Fire! Fire! Everyone give your money to me for safekeeping!"Uranium: "WHERE ARE THE SEXY FIREMEN?"Cecil: "This hamburger really is quite delicious. My compliments to the chef."SimNerd: "If this place burns down, I'm done, right?"

SimNerd: "Goodbye, gold Aspiration. I will miss you."

Fireman: "Asylum, eh?"SimNerd: "Uh-huh."Fireman: "I'll keep the engine warmed up for you."SimNerd: "Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

Notice how the guys show up AFTER the fireman arrives and the fire is under control. Yeah, very chivalrous, Cecil and Gaius. Must be a family thing. Cypress was busy skilling himself into Aspiration points on the piano, and Salahuddin was starving in bed.

SimNerd: "Mmm, nummy. Burnt, green-fuming, fly-covered omelet, green-fuming Legacy villains, and hamburgers. Yum yum."Vee: "Resorting to sarcasm?"SimNerd: "Any port in a storm."

Uranium: "Who is PWND now, smelly human?"SimNerd: "You know what? I sort of deserved that."

Gaius: "Oh, look, hamburgers! No need for me to eat that burnt, green-fuming, fly-covered omelet! I don't even need to cook myself any grilled cheese!"

Uranium: "That is what you get for starting fires and making everyone smell bad! The Potty God is displeased!"

Kirstial: "URANIUM HATE."Uranium: "Kirstial smells bad--HATE."Vee: "Whoo, Kirstial's a bit whiffy!"

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Asylum (sung to the tune of It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas)

It's beginning to look a lot like AsylumEverywhere you goTake a look near the window there, fighting's in the airWith big dust clouds and stinky fumes ablow

It's beginning to look a lot like AsylumWhines at every turnBut the funniest sight to see is the whining that will beOnce that omelet burns

A brand new lightbulb hat and a big golden book thatIs the wish of one SimNerdExpensive bars and shiny fast carsIs the hope of Cecil and VeeAnd Cypress and Gaius can hardly wait for the fighting to start again

It's beginning to look a lot like AsylumEverywhere you goThere's a guy in his manties whom the crazy alien fanciesAnd the SimNerd doesn't want to know

It's beginning to look a lot like AsylumAnd there is no willTo make Aspiration Failure stop, so y'all just let SimNerd plopDown on that couch and skill

This is monster point 14, by the way.

*sobs*

Uranium wins! Two to her, one to Kirstial.

SimNerd: "I smell bad!"Vee: "I smell bad too!"SimNerd: "And freaking Cecil won't get out of the bathtub!"

Think I'm joking?

Nope!

Gaius: "I smell bad. I want a shower."Cecil: "We are all evil in our own way, no?"

SimNerd: "Shower. Now. Make Cecil get out of the tub!"Can't. But I CAN have you Call Over Cecil and Gaius and then you can run to the bathroom and you'll beat Vee there.

That totally works, by the way.

Gaius: "This is not particularly regal."

Vee: "Ah, back where I belong--with a tip jar!"

Uranium: "Curses! Foiled again."

Uranium: "You should feel extremely lucky that I do not have access to a spatula. And a chicken hat."Vee: zzzzzzzzsyruppyzzzzzzzz

First plate-nap of the Asylum! It was followed up by another first...

Gaius: "I got tired of waiting for the shower."

Cecil: "I require money. Or a bar costing at least $1000. Or a painting costing at least $1000. Or a statue costing at least $5000. Or something else wildly expensive and completely unnecessary."Cypress: "Hey, I've got loads of Aspiration points! I'd lend you some, but, meh. I played the piano through the whole fire, and I didn't take a hit from it! I just dropped out of Platinum a few minutes ago."Cecil: "No one likes a braggart, Mr. Vetinari."Cypress: "Boy, are you ever in the wrong place for that."

And we have our first Best Friends of the Asylum--Kirstial and Cecil!

...That's sort of an odd pairing.

Had to be somebody, I guess, and it sure as hell wasn't gonna be Kirstial and Uranium!

Cypress: "Lalalalala, platinum plumbbob, lalalalalaaaaa..."

Note: I took this shot in CameraMan Mode, space-barring over from SimNerd. No looking at his anything panel!

Vee: "Platinum plumbbob? What's that?"

SimNerd: "I remember when I had a platinum plumbbob. I miss my platinum plumbbob."

Vee: "I miss not peeing myself."

Vee really is magic: she has a pee puddle that teleports to the other side of the chair!

Salahuddin: "Sweet! Electric mustache!"

Cypress: "Tralala, more Aspiration points for me!"

Another fight!

No one ever, EVER roots for Uranium.

Uranium wins again! Kirstial extricates herself from the table and the chair, and Uranium cleans up Vee's pee puddle.

Vee: "Salahuddin? Do you have short-term memory loss?"Salahuddin: "Not that I know of. Why do you ask?"

Vee: "Oh, no reason..."

Gaius: "Cheese. Need cheese. Lots and lots of cheese. Cheese cheese cheese. Talk about cheese, eat cheese, serve cheese. Cheeeeeeeese."

ARGH GAIUS NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU FROM DOING ANY OF THAT.

Blah blah blah MOAR FIGHT Uranium wins.

SimNerd: "So, whatcha reading?"Gaius: "Man Maid Lust. Uranium said it was good."SimNerd: "Is there a great recipe for a turkey and Havarti sandwich with Fuji apples on page 47 or something?"Gaius: "...It's a romance novel. No recipes."SimNerd: "Just wondering."

Can't....caption...laughing...too...hard...

SimNerd: "Why are you making me do this the hard way?"Three points, then yoga. This is faster than watching you fall off the Dance Sphere eleventybillion times to get three Body.SimNerd: "But this is the smelly way!"Speed more important than smelliness!

Aaawwwwww--proof that religious differences can be hashed out over chess-cheating in a nuthouse!

Cecil: "I need something expensive and useless!"

Cypress: "What kind of idiot could be verging on Aspiration Failure in an Asylum with all this great skilling equipment?"

SimNerd: "You were right about the Working Out."

Kirstial makes more best friends!

She has no nice points, and yet she's best friends with more people than anyone else. Too bad they don't count towards SimNerd's friends-for-promotions!

Kirstial finally gets some Aspiration points from skilling. Probably puts her out of danger for the time being.

Cypress makes best friends with either Salahuddin or himself. With Cypress, you never know.

I'd like to introduce Salahuddin Chamcha: Glutton for Punishment.

Cypress has Checked himself Out six times in a row. Either he's trying to get his hygiene up, or his ego is totally out of control. With him, it's hard to tell.

Vidcund Curious came by, took one look at Cypress standing on the sidewalk in his skull underpants picking food out of his teeth, and beat a hasty retreat.

Cypress makes besties with Kirstial next.

Yadda yadda yadda Uranium wins.

Uranium makes her second best friend. Seeing as how their entire relationship is predicated on him letting her punch the everloving crap out of him, it may be inferred that Salahuddin has a bit of a masochistic streak.

Yes, Gaius, pull money out of air and feed the kitty!

Kirstial: "What's your trauma?"Cecil: "I require money!"Kirstial: "Why don't you just skill yourself into happiness!"Cecil: "WAAAAHHH!"

This is a sequence I like to call "The Attempted Murder of Vee Semper."

Cypress: "I'm platinum!"Vee: "WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Vee: "MONEY!"Gaius: "GRILLED CHEESE!"Cypress: "Wow, you guys sure are nuts!"

Vee: "I'm starving!"Cypress: "Vee smells bad!"Gaius: "Vee's bodily odor is offensive to the Emperor!"

Vee: "Staaarrrrviiiiiing..."Gaius: "Let's chat about how miserable we are!"Vee: "Yeah, okay! You wanna talk about Grilled Cheese?"

Gaius: "No, not really."

Vee: "STARVING!"Cypress: "I'm a genius, seriously. She's totally gonna starve to death!"Gaius: "Oh, death--how I've missed causing you."Cypress: "Couldn't do it without you, buddy."Gaius: "You're just saying that because my nine nice points predispose me towards chatting and hugs."

Cypress: "Vee stinks."Gaius: "...Right?"

Gaius: "Oh, it'll be all right, Vee! I'm sure sacks of money will fall from the sky any time now!"Cypress: "Vee smells!"Vee: "STARVING."

Cypress: "Let's Chat! And then hug! And then Chat some more!"Vee: "SERIOUSLY STARVING."

I finally had to wake up SimNerd and have her Serve Instant Meal and Call to Meal Household because Cypress and Gaius would NOT let her leave the bathroom. They were seriously trying to kill her. And you know Cypress was the mastermind behind that little plan, because Gaius is an idiot.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

And it looks like I took a picture for the end of this one!

Uranium's up 6-1 over Kirstial.

Gaius gets Aspiration points!

...For cooking a salad...

*headdesk*

Cecil: *snifflesniffleSOB*Uranium: "So far, I'm the only non-Knowledge Sim who's NOT spending a fair portion of the day sobbing about my Aspiration! You humans really are weak."Cecil: "WAAAAAH!"

Kirstial's been walking around green-fuming for a while. She finally broke down and took a sponge-bath.

SimNerd pretty desperately needed a friend for a promotion.

SimNerd: "You might wanna stay out of Uranium's way."Sally: "I can take her."SimNerd: "Oh, you really, really can't."

SimNerd: "Larch! Your sole purpose here is to make friends with me or some of the crazy people!"Larch: "You set my gender preference. Mrrrrow."SimNerd: "Yeah, well, I didn't want you to end up heart-farting your brother before I get a chance to go into SimPE and make you related."

Larch: "You stuck your own SimSelf in an Asylum with seven crazy Legacy Sims, including Cypress? That's hilarious!"SimNerd: "Hahahahaha! ...Yeah, that's not really funny."

Vee: "Money..."Larch: "What's the purple-haired chick's deal?"SimNerd: "That's Vee. She's a Fortune Sim who can't make any money and I can't buy any expensive crap."Larch: "Whoa. Bummer."

Gaius: "I need cheese..."Uranium: "You know, I haven't had any WooHoo since I've been here, and you don't hear me complaining! ...Well, you hear me complaining, but at least I'm not freaking out."

Larch: "Meeeee!"Vee: "This is waaay more annoying than when your brother does it."

Vee: POKE

This is not the best idea Vee ever had. I cheated Larch a bunch of skill points.

And also Larch is just as cranky as anyone else in the house. Don't mess with the Eeevil Family Sim, folks. He delivers teh hurt.

Larch: "Woo! Hat guy! Love the creepy beard!"Salahuddin: "Thanks, I think."Vee: "Money shrub?"

After spending an entertaining half an hour staring out the window at the shrubbery, Vee decides to see exactly what Uranium finds so amusing about beating the tar out of Salahuddin.

Cypress: "Mehehehehe. Ten bucks says he wakes up, pees himself, cries because he's peed himself, and then cries because we don't have an expensive bar."

Sally has a death wish.

Uranium would like to fulfill Sally's death wish.

Let's all say goodnight to Sally, everyone! Buh-bye now, Sally!

I love pictures like this.

And no, I don't know why Uranium is getting Aspiration points for gaining Logic skill.

Cecil did not actually pee himself. He made it to the toilet, but that didn't help his hygiene. And now he gets to cry because he passed out in his dinner.

Oh my gosh! It's a miracle!

GAIUS IS SERVING GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES!

Alert the media!

'Course, he served up one plate, then dropped the platter on the ground and ran off to the bedroom to Relax and Daydream.

ARGH GAIUS. YOU WERE SO CLOSE, YOU MORON.

FINALLY.

Gaius: "I don't know what the big deal is."

Kirstial: "Yeah, so I totally kicked your ass that one time. You were all like, 'I gotta pee!' and I was all like, 'I'll beat it out of you!' and then I did! That was great! Almost as good as the heartless murder of innocents!"Uranium: zzzzzzzzzYou'resogoingdownwhenIwakeupzzzzzzzzz

Cecil! You couldn't have waited half an hour for SimNerd to get home from work?

Kirstial: "Well, I won't be seeing THOSE Aspiration points again."Cecil: "Sadly, neither will I."

And that's where I'll be leaving you today. Will SimNerd get home in enough time to save the evil and largely murderous patients? Will the kitchen be saved from total destruction? Whom does the fire catapult into Aspiration Failure?

Part 3 coming soon to an Exchange near you!

Thanks to EphemeralToast, Blite27, katrih83, professorbutters, Orikes, and GintasticNecat for creating such great characters, and for letting me torture them. Thumbs up, y'all!

"KHAAAAAAAAAANNNN!"