discount hero protection by xavier gonzalez€¦ · protect general public from the literal...

DISCOUNT HERO PROTECTION

by

Xavier Gonzalez

[email protected]

Copyright (c) 2017 This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed

written permission of the author.

FIRST DRAFT MAY 5, 2017

ACT ONE

OPEN ON A FRAMED NEWS CLIPPING.

"MYSTERY MAN SAVES DAY! New Super Hero most amazing thingto happen to World!."

DARREN (V.O.)We live in a world wheresuperheroes are a reality.

EXT. BANK -- DAY

STOCK FOOTAGE: Someone recording on their phone fromacross the street.

Alarms ring. Three BANK ROBBERS come running out of thebuilding, a trail of cash falling behind them. A car pullsup. They climb in.

As the car tries to pull away it seems it can not. AMYSTERIOUS MAN is standing in front of the car using superstrength to keep it from escaping. The robbers tryshooting at him but this has no affect.

ANOTHER NEWS CLIPPING.

"SUPERHEROES COMING OUT OF THEIR CLOSETS! The world isforever changed."

DARREN (V.O.)An extremely awesome reality!

INT. AIRPLANE -- DAY

We are looking out of the port glass. The engine isspewing black smoke. Another MYSTERIOUS FIGURE seems to bepushing the airplane back up into the sky.

The passengers of the plane are gasping and cheering.

DARREN (V.O.)However, a very destructivereality as well.

A NEWS REPORT

"CPT. CAPTAIN BEATS DR. ATOM SMASHER! City in ruins,nearly leveled." Footage of an epic battle plays over theheadline. Buildings are being toppled.

DISCOUNT HERO PROTECTION FIRST DRAFT 05/05/2017

INT. SMALL CONFERENCE ROOM -- DAY

An enthusiastic looking young man, mid 20's, sits directlyin front of the camera, addressing it. He's the clip-ontie wearing type. His name tag reads: DARREN SCHMIDT.

DARRENWhen a super hero is out fightingcrime they don't have time toworry about each individual'sproperty. They're not thinking,"Oh, no! Gotta watch out forJoe's mailbox." Or "Jane's eightythousand dollar Mercedes!"

(scoffs)No! They're out saving the day!

INSERT NEWS CLIPPING: "SUPERS GOOD OR BAD FOR LOCALECONOMY? Is all this destruction worth the bill thatfollows?"

DARREN (V.O.)Superheroes-- or "Supers" forshort-- cause about 3.2 milliondollars in damages... everyday!

BACK TO SCENE

DARRENLet's face it, someone needs toprotect general public from theliteral crippling destruction thatSupers are capable of.

INT. DHP OFFICE -- DAY

A small space. About four desk are neatly placed throughout the main area. A reception desk in the front. Thereare two doors along the back, one the manager's office, theother the conference room.

There are six employees at work we'll get to know soonenough. Darren is among them, he waves from his desk.

DARREN (V.O.)And here at Discount HeroProtection that's exactly what wedo!

DARREN TALKING HEAD

2.


DARRENWe provide insurance to protectpeople and their things from superdisasters... that's literally ourslogan.

INSERT: The sign in the office's front window reads: "Discount Hero Protection" Just under that, "Protectingpeople and their things from SUPER DISASTERS!"

BACK TO SCENE

DARRENMy name is Darren Schmidt and I'ma claims adjuster for DHP.

(eager but humble)Let me show you around.


ALAN HERNANDEZ, 20's, very sarcastic but only because he'ssmarter than you, is on the phone with a client.

ALAN(into phone, bored)

No. Yeah. I understand. Unfortunately you're just notcovered for this specificincident.

Darren comes up behind Alan.

DARRENHey, Alan, how much is 3.2 milliontimes 365?

(to camera)That's Alan, he's a literalgenius, no idea why he's workingwith us.

ALAN(covering phone)

I'm on the phone.

He shoos Darren away.

ALAN TALKING HEAD

ALANYes, I was a bit of a childprotegee.

(MORE)

3.


ALAN (CONT'D)Especially in math and science. Iwas accepted into MIT at fourteen.I tried to have myself classifiedas a "Super Genius"... apparentlyI fell short. So I figured,claims adjuster! Close enough.


A fairly pretty woman, late 20's, very professional, istalking to a costumer trying to sell them coverage. Thisis PENNY RICHARDSON.

PENNY (V.O.)My name is Penny Richardson and Iam in sales.

PENNY TALKING HEAD

PENNYMost people when they come to methey ask, "Is superhero insurancereally necessary?" Well, let meshow you this...

She pulls out a large photograph of a car. The roof iscaved in, utterly destroyed.

PENNY (CONT'D)The story behind this picture? ASuper by the name of Mr. Fantastical was flying over aresidential area...

EXT. RESIDENTIAL NEIGHBORHOOD -- DAY

STOCK FOOTAGE: Possibly pulled from the internet of MR.FANTASTICAL flying over head. He's engaged in combat witha flying SUPER VILLAIN.

PENNY (V.O.)He was "fighting his nemesis" whenhis boot fell off and-- well didthis.

A tiny object falls from the fight up above and completeobliterates a car below.

4.


PENNY TALKING HEAD

She puts the photo away.

PENNYSo, is it necessary? I would say,yes. It is very necessary.

(jump cut)I'm sorry, am I coming offpompous? I don't mean to. I'mactual a very pleasant person. But I take my job very seriously,I'm a determined person. Determination and professionalismlead to success. And that's all Iwant in life, success.


A very young man, about 19, sits in a corner with small boxof collectibles next to him. He's dusting an action figureof Cpt. Captain, still boxed, mint condition. Darrenapproaches.

DARRENPlaying with your action figureson your down time?

(to camera)This little guy is Neil Casper,he's the office intern. Prettymuch makes copies, gets us coffee.The works. He's the biggest Cpt.Captain fan.

Darren goes to reach into the box. Neil Casper freaks.

NEIL CASPERDon't touch! And you don't playwith collectibles, geez.

NEIL CASPER TALKING HEAD

NEIL CASPERWho's Cpt. Captain?! Are youkidding me? He's only thegreatest fu(BEEP)ing super heroever!!! Man, I wish I knew who hewas I would (BEEP) his (BEEP) and(BEEP).

He smiles. A beat.

5.


NEIL CASPER (CONT'D)Boy, that wouldn't soundinappropriate if it was censored,huh? You guys wouldn't do thatthough, right?

He looks nervous now.


A large, muscular man, barley fits in his button up shirt,stands watch over the office with his coffee mug thatreads: "World's Best Mechanic." This is HOUSTON SMITH.

Darren watches Houston from across the office.

DARRENThat's the big man himself. Mr.Houston Smith, Office Manager.

INT. DHP OFFICE -- LATER

SPY SHOT: the manager office door is cracked enough for usto see Houston doing push ups. Also in sight is a largepolice scanner on his desk.

DARREN (V.O.)Probably not the best leader. He's an amazing guy, don't get mewrong, everybody loves him and hekeeps morale way up. But hespends most the day in his officelistening to police scanners ordisappearing on errands for largeportions of the day.

Something on the police scanner catches Houston'sattention. He rushes out of his office.

HOUSTON(announcing to wholeoffice)

I have some errands to run. Iwill be back later today.

He rushes past Darren.

DARRENAnd there he goes. Where to? We'll never know.

As Darren says this, behind him we see Houston run outside.Completely unbeknownst to Darren the camera notices out the

6.


window as Houston tears open his shirt to reveal a costumeunderneath. That's just before he takes off into flight.

DARREN (CONT'D)Good guy though. Brings donutsevery morning.

HOUSTON TALKING HEAD

HOUSTONOh, you saw that, huh? Well, Isuppose it's out then. I am Cpt.Captain. But shhh that staysbetween us.

(laughs, then)This isn't real right? It's justlike an internet thing? No one'sgonna see it?

(jump cut)If I'm being honest I don't evenknow what we do in this office...but it's a great cover.


An older woman, late 40's, very plain is at the receptiondesk. She's inspecting a sandwich. This is SHELLEY.

SHELLEY TALKING HEAD

SHELLEYI'm Shelley, the receptionist.

She holds up the sandwich she was inspecting.

SHELLEY (CONT'D)I thought I brought tuna. Butit's Fancy Feast.

(beat)I wonder what my cats are eating.

DARREN TALKING HEAD

DARRENWe are a small operation. We'reno "Super State" but we helpplenty of people.

7.



VARIOUS SHOTS THROUGH OUT THE OFFICE. The employees atwork. Alan taking calls. Penny talking directly tocostumers. Shelley inspecting a Twinkie. Neil Caspercleaning his collectibles, quickly putting them away whenHouston walks by, trying to look normal with his mug.

DARREN (V.O.)(over these shots)

And even though we deal withamazing, super things everydaythis is just a normal job withnormal people.

INT. CAR (MOVING) -- DAY

Alan and Darren are on their way to a scene.

DARREN(to camera)

We are en route to verify a claim.Should be exciting.

ALAN TALKING HEAD

ALANWe get a lot of false claims. Whether they be fraudulent or justsomething we don't cover. It's aweekly thing.

(beat, then)They're exteremly easy to spot andvery annoying.

EXT. SUBURBAN HOME, FRONT YARD -- DAY

Alan and Darren are observing the broken remains of adestroyed yard. They talk to the home owner, HAROLD.

HAROLDAnd he just shows up, dressed likea construction worker with a capeswinging a huge hammer, screamingat the top of his lungs, "I'm theconstructor." He destroyseverything. The mailbox, thefence, even the bird feeder.

8.


ALANListen, Harold, as I tried toexplain to you over the phone,this sounds more like a vigilante.

DARRENWe don't cover damages caused byvigilantes, only Supers. And the"Super Being Act" of 2012 is veryclear in describing a Super as...

Darren looks at Alan, eager to see his super smarts inaction.

ALAN(unamused)

"One with abilities that go farbeyond that capable of an averagehuman being."

DARRENSo amazing.

ALANDarren, you have that whole Actmemorized.

DARRENYeah, but that took months ofstudying. You only read it once.

HAROLDExcuse me, back to my situationplease.

ALANI'm sorry but unless this nut jobhad super powers we can't doanything for you. You can alwaystry home-owners insurance.

HAROLDThis is bullshit! I pay mypremiums every month just in caseof something like this. I want toprotect my family and I believe--

(notices some O.S.)Ah, shit! He's back.

Alan and Darren turn to see a man, dressed in constructionwork attire and a cape, running straight for them with asledge hammer. The CONSTRUCTOR.

9.


CONSTRUCTOR(really screaming)

I am the constructor! I am theconstructor!

Harold tries to block the constructor's path.

HAROLDNo, no! Not again.

But this nut has a giant weapon so ultimately Harold isn'tbrave enough to stop him. The constructor starts crushingrandom things with his hammer.

HAROLD (CONT'D)Are you guys seriously not goingto do anything about this?

DARRENWe can help you get rid of him.

Alan sighs.

ALANYeah, okay.

CUT TO:

EXT. SUBURBAN HOME, FRONT YARD -- MOMENTS LATER

Alan and Darren are trying to get the constructor to stopdestroying Harold's yard.

ALANThe police are on their way.

DARREN(matching constructor'sintensity)

Put the hammer down! Are youlistening?! Put it down!

CONSTRUCTORI am the constructor!

DARRENAre you on drugs?!

CONSTRUCTOR TALKING HEAD

The Constructor is sitting on the curb.

10.


CONSTRUCTOR(calmly)

I am the constructor. I fixproblems with my Hammer ofAwesomeness.

DARREN (O.S.)Hey! Settle down! We're tryingto fill out this police report.

We go WIDE to reveal Alan and Darren filling out a policereport on the back of a patrol car. A POLICE OFFICER picksthe Constructor up off the curb and sticks him in the backof the car.

CONSTRUCTOR(shouting)

I am--

The officer shuts the door on him.

INT. CAR (MOVING) -- DAY

Alan and Darren are driving back to the office.

DARRENThey're not all like that.

A beat.

ALANBut a lot of them are.


Shelley is inspecting a plate of meat loaf. Neil Casper isorganizing files next to her.

NEIL CASPERDidn't you already have lunch?

SHELLEYHuh?

Darren is back at his desk, addressing the camera.

DARRENIt's a pretty interesting andexciting line of work. You neverknow what crazy, amazing thing isgonna come your way next.

His email alert pings.

11.


DARREN (CONT'D)There's something now. Let's seewhat it is.

He opens the email and reads it.

DARREN (CONT'D)Looks like a Mr. Charles Anderson,"Severe bodily injury due to superspeed collision..." Sweet!

(beat, then)Oh, wait... That's actuallypretty serious.

END ACT ONE

12.


ACT TWO

INT. HOSPITAL E.R. -- DAY

Laying in a hospital bed, covered from head to toe in afull body cast, is CHARLES ANDERSON.

Darren is at his bed side, holding a clipboard.

DARRENAs you can see this is prettyserious. Apparently, Mr. Andersonwas going about his day downtownwhen a couple of "armedassailants" ran passed him. That's when the Super that was inpursuit of them-- at super speed--collided with Mr. Anderson andsent him flying into on comingtraffic. The super was apparentlyunharmed in the incident and wasable to detain the "perps" she wasafter.

(holds up clipboard)It's all on the police report.

A small CHILD, about 8 or 9, comes out of nowhere.

CHILDI got it on video! Want to see?

The child holds up his phone and plays a video. We can seeMr. Anderson unlocking his car and holding the door open astwo ARMED ASSAILANTS run passed him. Anderson's attentionis still on the two assailants when a BLURRY FLASH comeszooming pass. It collides with Anderson. He goes flyingin the air and into the street where mid-air he's struck bya delivery truck.

CHILD (CONT'D)(laughing)

It's so awesome!

DARRENHe's lucky to be alive. He's evenmore lucky that he's insured withDHP.

LAWYER (O.S.)Why are all you people in myclient's room?

13.


The child takes off running as a hefty, 50-something welldressed lawyer enters the room. His name is ALEXANDERBISHOP.

DARRENI'm Darren Schmidt with theinsurance company. You must beMr. Bishop, the lawyer.

BISHOP(re: to cameras)

Who are they?

DARRENOh, they're with me. It's justthis thing we're doing at theoffice.

BISHOP TALKING HEAD

This is a man that gives speeches. Even this feels like apolitical address.

BISHOPI have a Law Degree from Harvard.I'm head of my own firm. If I'mbeing completely honest CharlesAnderson would normally never beable to afford me. But I'veagreed to take his case pro bono. For one reason alone. I believethat Supers coming out was theworst thing to happen in all ofhuman history. Before they cameout we didn't have a need forthem. There weren't psychopathsdressed as clowns running aroundcausing chaos. The Supers werethe cause of the effect and havebeen taking away the rightfulpraise from the real heroes, ourfirst responders. The SuperBeings Act has only been fuelingthis fire, and not holding Supersaccountable. I aim to put an endto all this madness by any meanspossible. Even small cases likethis are a start and can make ahuge impact.

INT. HOSPITAL E.R. ROOM -- CONTINUED

Bishop gestures at the door.

14.


BISHOPWell, Mr. Schmidt, unless you needanymore information from myclient, whom doesn't seem capable,I think maybe you should let Mr.Anderson rest.

DARRENOh, yeah, of course.

Darren exits the room into...

INT. HOSPITAL E.R. HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS

DARRENIt's a terrible thing seeingsituations like these. But I'llgo back to the office, revue hiscoverage, and hopefully we cangive him all the help he needs--

A strong gust of wind shoots through the E.R. Like in thechild's video a BLURRY FLASH shoots straight up to Mr.Anderson's room door.

Darren squeals as he's knocked to the ground.

A beautiful woman, in tight spandex, a large Q over herchest, now stands in the door way to Anderson's room. Thisis the blur, QUICK LASS.

INT. HOSPITAL E.R. ROOM -- CONTINUOUS

Quick Lass enters the room. She looks, in shock, at thedamage she has caused.

QUICK LASSOh, my god. I feel so terrible.

(to Anderson)Sir, I am so, incredibly sorry. Iwas only trying to help--

BISHOPBut help you did not. Look atthis man! He can't walk, can'ttalk. Hell he can't even go tothe bathroom by himself. How doyou expect him to continue workingand provide for his family?

QUICK LASS(a little choked up)

I-- I don't--

15.


BISHOPI'm actually glad you're here.

Bishop retrieves an envelope from his jacket and hands itto Quick Lass.

BISHOP (CONT'D)Ms. Quick Lass, you are herebyserved.

QUICK LASSWhat?

BISHOPWe are suing you for damages. Youare one of the first of manySupers that will be heldaccountable for your actions,finally. Now, good day!

Bishop ushers her out of the room.

INT. HOSPITAL E.R. HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS

Darren is just getting back on his feet as Quick Lass isushered into the hallway. Bishop closes the door behindher. She slumps into one of the waiting chairs.

Darren looks at her, somewhat in shock but he's moreinfatuated.

DARREN(very nervously)

Uh... hello.

QUICK LASSHuh?

Darren recoils ever so slightly.

DARRENHi, I'm Darren.

QUICK LASSI don't want to be rude, Darren,but I'm not really in the mood toanswer questions about my superpowers right now.

DARRENWhat? Oh, no, no. I'm sorry. Irepresent Charles Anderson'sinsurance company.

16.


QUICK LASSAh. More trouble for me.

DARRENNo, no, no. I would honestly justlike a statement from you. Aboutthe incident. It would help inbuilding my case.

She looks at him.

QUICK LASSSure, I guess.

Darren notices she really down.

DARRENMaybe over... dinner?

QUICK LASSWhat?

DARRENNot-- not like a date or anything.It's just a less stressfulenvironment. You don't have tosay yes. Maybe it's inappropriatefor me to ask--

QUICK LASSYeah. That sounds... nice.

DARRENReally?

QUICK LASSYeah. How about 8 o'clock.

DARRENThat works. I know a greatrestaurant off of 3rd street.

QUICK LASSI'll find you.

DARRENOh, okay--

And in a the blink of an eye she's gone. Darren smiles.


Darren enters the office.

17.


ALANYou're back! Work day's nearlyover.

DARRENIt's a pretty serious case. Probably one of the biggest oneswe'ver ever had.

ALANI don't doubt it. Rest of us aregoing for drinks after work.

PENNYAre you coming?

DARRENOoh, I can't. I have a date--well, it's not actually a date--but I am having dinner with asuperhero by the name of QuickLass, we will be discussing theincident.

Everyone in the office stops what they're doing.

ALANThe Quick Lass that put our clientin the hospital?

DARRENYes.

PENNYAre you being serious?

DARRENVery serious, Penny.

Darren's co-workers all exchange a look.

NEIL CASPERBut aren't you, like, afraid ofsupers?

DARREN(scoffs)

I am not afraid of supers.

ALAN TALKING HEAD

ALANDarren is terrified of supers.

18.


INT. DHP OFFICE -- DAY (FLASHBACK)

Shelley is at the reception desk inspecting a pot pie. From over her shoulder we see out the office window as ACAR IS FLUNG ACROSS THE STREET from O.S.

NEIL CASPERSUPER FIGHT!

Neil Casper, Penny, Alan and even Shelley all rush to thewindow to get a good look outside.

Darren is cowarding under his desk.

DARREN TALKING HEAD

DARRENI'm not afraid of Supers! Onlythe mass destruction that they'recapable of. I mean, did Pennyshow you that picture of the car? That was from a boot!

INT. DHP OFFICE -- CONTINUED

Darren shakes his head.

DARRENJust because I believe supers areincredibly dangerous-- becausethey are-- doesn't mean I'm afraidof them. Besides Quick Lass is anextremely nice woman and Iwouldn't even consider herdangerous.

ALANShe put a guy in the hospital.

DARRENIt was an accident.

ALANWe can't say that with certainty.

DARRENI will get her statement at dinnerand we'll find out for sure.

Darren goes back to his desk. The rest of the office juststares at him.

19.


At this moment Houston walks back into the office. Hisclothes are tattered.

HOUSTONI am back, everyone. Did I missanything?

EXT. RESTAURANT -- NIGHT

An establishing shot of the eatery.

INT. RESTAURANT -- NIGHT

Darren, wearing an actual tie, waits at a table for two. He checks his watch.

Quick Lass appears out of nowhere. Darren let's out alittle yelp. She's still in her costume, but then whywouldn't she be?

QUICK LASSI found you.

DARREN(recovering from herentry)

Yes you did! Please, have a seat.

She takes a seat.

DARREN (CONT'D)I ordered you water, is that fine?

QUICK LASSYeah.

DARRENAnd I think they're bringing usCaesar Salads.

QUICK LASSSounds good.

A beat of awkward silence.

QUICK LASS (CONT'D)So...

DARRENTell me about yourself.

She looks at him confused.

20.


DARREN (CONT'D)For the claim.

QUICK LASSAh. Well, where should I start?

Darren pulls a little notepad and pen from his pocket.

DARRENUh, how about I just ask you a fewquestions and you can answer them.

QUICK LASSOkay.

A WAITRESS brings them their salads. They thank her andcontinue their conversation.

DARRENYour Super name is Quick Lass?

QUICK LASSYes.

DARRENHow'd that come to be?

QUICK LASSI have super speed and am female.

DARRENRight. Clever. Uh, so superspeed. How'd that happen? Wasit, like, a lab accident orsomething?

QUICK LASSNo. When I was a teenager, oneday I just discovered I wasreally, really fast. I guess it'ssomething I was born with. Whenother Supers started coming out Ifigured I should help people too.

Darren looks at her with admiration.

QUICK LASS (CONT'D)Look, what happened with that manin the hospital was a totalaccident. It's not easy to seewhen you're going at super speeds.I would never hurt an innocentperson on purpose.

(MORE)

21.


QUICK LASS (CONT'D)I honestly feel so horrible aboutthe whole thing. I was reallyonly trying to help.

(beat)Is he gonna be okay? You guys aregonna cover him, right?

DARRENHe's gonna live. We're still"adjusting" his claim but he'llget the help he needs. I don'teven think he's worried about it. I assume they expect to makeplenty of money out of theirlawsuit--

He realizes what he's saying.

DARREN (CONT'D)I'm sorry I didn't mean to bringthat up.

QUICK LASSIt's okay, you're just doing yourjob.

She looks down at her salad, obviously feeling extremelyguilty about the whole thing.

DARRENHey. Do you want to get somefresh air?

INT. BOWLING ALLEY -- NIGHT

Alan, Penny and Neil Casper are drinking beers and throwinggutter balls.

PENNYIt's not necessarily a hard job,but it helps to unwind afterwards.

ALANWhat is a hard job?

PENNYI don't know. Brain surgery. Rocket science?

ALANHa. That's not so hard.

22.


ALAN TALKING HEAD

ALANPeople ask me all the time why I'mnot using my "full potential." Because I'm a genius I should beout making a difference.

(blows raspberry)I don't need to be out therechanging the world or saving it. That's what Supers are for, andI'm not Super. So I took a job atthe first place I saw was hiring.

BACK TO SCENE

Neil Casper runs back from the lane.

NEIL CASPERIs nobody else coming?

PENNYNo. Shelley apparently had betterthings to do.

INT. SHELLEY'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT

Small, sad, covered in cats. Shelley is having soup. Hercats are all trying to get at it.

SHELLEYAll I need are my cats-- stop it,you already had my tuna today.

INT. BOWLING ALLEY -- CONTINUED

PENNYAnd you know what, I think Iforgot to even ask Houston if hewanted to come.

INT. DHP OFFICE -- NIGHT

Houston comes out of his office to find everyone is gone.

HOUSTONWhere'd everyone go?

He takes another quick look around.

23.


HOUSTON (CONT'D)I'm Cpt. Captain! Feels good tosay out loud.

INT. BOWLING ALLEY -- CONTINUED

NEIL CASPERProbably for the best, I don'treally like him enough to try toget to know him.

Alan bowls a strike.

EXT. PARK -- NIGHT

Darren and Quick Lass walk along a park path.

DARRENI'm sorry.

QUICK LASSFor what?

DARRENSuggesting a walk. I'm sure forsomeone with your ability thisseems boring.

QUICK LASSOh, no, no. Don't think that. This is nice. I like takingthings slow. It makes me feelnormal sometimes. Like I'm not aproblem.

DARRENYou're not a problem.

QUICK LASSThanks.

A beat.

DARRENCan I ask you something kind ofdumb?

QUICK LASSSure.

24.


DARREN(chuckles)

Sorry in advance if this is toodumb a question... but have youever tried running around theworld?

QUICK LASSYou mean like the whole world?

DARRENYeah, all the way around.

QUICK LASS(laughs)

No.

DARRENReally? That would be the firstthing I would try.

QUICK LASSYeah? Well, I can't actually runon water.

DARRENReally?!

QUICK LASSYep. Only possible in comics.

DARRENWow. That sucks.

QUICK LASSYeah.

(beat)I can run coast to coast in under10 minutes though.

DARRENOh, my god. Really?

QUICK LASSYeah.

DARRENProve it.

QUICK LASSRight now?

DARRENYeah, right now. Prove it.

25.


She thinks about it.

QUICK LASSOkay. I'll run from coast tocoast, take a selfie at each oneand come straight back.

DARRENIn under ten minutes.

QUICK LASSIn under ten minutes, yes.

DARRENLet's do this.

QUICK LASSOkay. Give me your phone.

DARRENMy phone?

QUICK LASSWell, yeah. I don't have mines. Nowhere to keep it in this suit.

Darren shrugs and hands over his phone.

DARRENI'm gonna get it back right?

QUICK LASSI'm not a thief. You'll get yourphone back. I promise.

DARRENAlright. Let's do this. Onthree. One... two... thr--

She takes off. Darren starts keeping track on his watch.

DARREN (CONT'D)(to camera)

You guys think she can do it?(then)

I really hope she's not ditchingme.

EXT. BOWLING ALLEY -- NIGHT

Penny and Neil Casper are carrying a drunk Alan out of thebuilding.

26.


NEIL CASPERGeez, Cpt. Captain would find himheavy--

(defending his hero)Except he wouldn't cause he's thestrongest man on Earth.

ALANDo you know what the sqaureroot32,118 is? I do!

PENNYWe're getting you home.

EXT. PARK -- NIGHT

Darren is still keeping track on his watch.

DARRENOne more minute.

A shady looking HOMELESS MAN is walking up behind Darren.

HOMELESS MAN'Scuse me. You guys got any cashyou can spare.

DARREN(not takings eyes offwatch)

No, I'm sorry, buddy. I don'tcarry cash with me.

The homeless man pulls out a knife.

HOMELESS MANWell, just give me your walletthen.

DARRENOh. Uh, yeah, okay.

Darren hands over his wallet.

HOMELESS MANAnd your phone.

DARRENWhat?

HOMELESS MAN(impatiently)

Your phone! Gimme your phone too.

27.


DARRENI actually don't have my phone onme.

HOMELESS MANDo you want to get cut?!

DARRENNo, no. I don't want to get cut. But I honestly do not have myphone on me.

HOMELESS MANWell then, I guess you're honestlygonna get cut.

The homeless man lunges forward at Darren but isimmediately flung backwards. Quick Lass is now standingbetween Darren and the homeless man on the floor. She justpunched him at super speed.

DARRENOh, my god!

QUICK LASS(to Darren)

Are you okay?

DARRENYeah. Thank you.

QUICK LASSHere's your phone.

She hands Darren his phone back. They look at the homelessman spread out on the ground, out cold.

QUICK LASS (CONT'D)I should probably take him to thepolice.

DARRENThat sounds like a good idea.

They share a tender look.

QUICK LASSThank you for dinner.

DARRENThank you for saving me.

QUICK LASSIt's what I do.

28.


She picks up the homeless man. Before she runs off Darrencalls out to her.

DARRENCan I see you again?

She looks back at him.

DARREN (CONT'D)I mean, you don't need to revealyour secret identity to me oranything I just--

QUICK LASSSure.

DARREN(surprised)

Really?

At super speed she whips over to his side and plants agentle kiss on his cheek.

QUICK LASSI'll find you.

And she's gone. A gust of wind left in her wake.

Darren is motionless for a second. He remembers his phone.He opens it and checks the picture gallery. There's tworecent pictures. Quick Lass at the Statue of Liberty andQuick Lass at the Hollywood sign. He smiles wide.

DARREN(shows phone to camera)

She did it.(beat, then realizes)

You guys were just gonna let meget mugged?

INT. DHP OFFICE -- MORNING

The day is getting started.

Shelley is unpacking her lunchbox. Penny and Alan arechecking emails. Neil Casper is bringing them coffee.

SPY SHOT Houston is setting up his police scanner whilelifting a water cooler.

Darren enters the office, a big smile on his face. Theoffice takes notice.

29.


As Darren sets up at his desk he's approached by hisco-workers.

PENNYSo, how'd it go?

DARRENIt went well.

NEIL CASPERDid you get to see her in action?

DARRENYes actually. I got to see herbeat up a homeless person!

(realizing how thatsounds)

With a knife.(realizing again)

The homeless man had a knife. Hewas a mugger. He was mugging me.

Penny, Alan, and Neil Casper all looked impressed.

SHELLEYI got mugged once. Nobody helpedme.

DARREN(uninterested)

That's nice, Shelley.

SHELLEYAnd I screamed. Nobody would cometo my rescue--

ALANDid you get her side of the story?

DARRENHm?

ALANAbout the incident? The reasonyou went to dinner?

DARRENOh, yes. I got to learn a lotabout Quick Lass, she explainedthe incident and I think I cansafely say Charles Anderson's casewas 100 percent an accident.

Houston comes in with a box of donuts.

30.


HOUSTONWho wants creamy sugar circles?

DARREN TALKING HEAD

DARRENYes, Supers can be extremelydangerous. But they're not to befeared. Maybe they don't have thetime to worry about ordinarypeople and their things whilethey're out saving the day, buthere at Discount Hero Protectionwe have nothing but time.

SHELLEY (O.S.)Darren.

DARREN(sighs)

Yes, Shelley?

We go WIDE to reveal Shelley and a gentleman in a suit. This is MR. BLACK.

MR. BLACKAre you Darren Schmidt?

DARREN(confused)

Uh, yes.

MR. BLACKAre you the claims adjustercurrently handling the case of oneCharles Anderson?

Mr. Black holds up a photograph of Anderson in his bodycast.

DARRENYes--

MR. BLACKWhose injuries were caused by thissuperheroine?

He holds up a picture of Quick Lass.

DARRENThat's correct...

31.


MR. BLACKOkay. Just one more thing. Isthis you engaged in a romanticevening with said superheroine?

He sifts through a few pictures of Darren and Quick Lass atdinner and walking through the park. The last one is ofQuick Lass kissing Darren's cheek.

DARRENWhere did you get these?

MR. BLACKCan you please just answer thequestion. Is this you?

DARRENYes, but--

MR. BLACKThat's all I needed to know. Mr.Schmidt, you are now underinvestigation for insurance fraud.

Darren looks at the camera, oh shit.

END OF SHOW

32.


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