director’s book
TRANSCRIPT
Director’s Book
JACK AND THE MAGIC BEANS adapted and dramatized from the Benjamin Tobert version of the English folktale, "The History of Jack Spriggins and the Enchanted Bean."
By VERA MORRIS
CHARACTERS In Order Of Appearance
SCARECROW GIRL the crows are smarter than she IS
JACK brave young lad SUSAN JACK'S MOTHER VILLAGE WOMAN #1 VILLAGE WOMAN #2 THE TROLL THE CHICKEN
HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM PRINCESS TULIP LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE
MISS PRISS* BEAN.SELLER COOK KITCHEN GIRL HOUSEKEEPER
Jack's sister about to lose her farm lives in feor of the Giant more of the same works for Giant; nasty no turkey when it comes to brains full of self-importance lovely girl; dutiful daughter her lady-in-waiting, mumbles and stumbles Jack's cow mysterious visitor likes to look busy ·busy, busyfamous for making Wiggle-waggle
GIANT· a terrible brute with a · fierceappetite
GOOD QUEEN VIOLET prisoner of the GiantSINGING HARP can lull the Giant to sleepEXTRA VILLAGERS, SERVANTS as/if desired
•MISS PRISS, the cow, can be played by one or two performers
add menace he carries the club. Maybe false ears.
SINGING HARP: If the harp cut-out can't be attached to the costume, simply have the actress carry it. Naturally, this is a "small" harp, or a lute.
MISCELLANEOUS: Flexible Casting - SCARECROW GIRL can be switched to a male character -- SCARECROW. THE TROLL can be female instead of male. CHICKEN can be portrayed by an actress or an actor. MISS PRISS con be two boys, two girls or mixed. BEAN-SELLER can be either male or female. COOK can be changed from a female role to a male one. A talented actress might also be considered for the role of JACK.
EXTRAS can be used as servants in the Giant's castle, VILLAGERS.
Ploy can easily be performed with on all-female cost.
COW DANCE: Although the dance is strictly optional, give it consideration. It's a great audience pleaser. MISS PRISS might tap-dance or waltz. Be creative. For example, someone might bring out a stool and the hind end might sit. Hind end's feet "dance" one way, while the feet belonging to the front end can "dance" in the opposite direction, etc.
THE BEANSTALK: Quite simple. The stepladder is shoved or rolled into position during the blackout. It should be as "bushy'' and as green as you can make it (vines, leaves). JACK only climbs a step or two -- slowly -- before the curtain closes or the stage lighting goes to black.
MARKET DAY: Some lively music helps in setting the mood. Some pennants or flags might be dropped from overhead. Someone could carry a bunch of balloons, or pretty scarves on a pole, to "color" the scene.
GIANT HAS HIS LUNCH: This will prove a wildly funny scene. DON'T END IT TOO SOON. As you rehearse the nonsense, all manner of business will present itself. If it looks good, use it. Audience should see a mad, frantic scene of constant motion. Comings-and-goings. Busy, busy, busy. MUSIC and LIGHT will add to the onstage comedy.
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(KITCHEN GIRL); tiny cup (COOK); floor broom (KITCHEN GIRL); string with golden key (SINGING HARP); hoes and rakes (VILLAGERS); golden egg (CHICKEN).
SOUND: Rooster crowing (can be done by an actor), large wooden bucket hitting the ground (can be done by slamming a bundle of newspapers to the floor,· or tipping over a stack of wooden boxes), weird music or sound effects for growth of beanstalk. Lively music. Offstage thumping (walking) of Giant (optional), fight music.
LIGHTING: Blackout(s), optional green light for beanstalk, Giant "light'' (when he first enters scene), optional strobes.
COSTUMES: As indicated in script. The usual "once-upon-a-time" wardrobe (Consult Sheila Smolensky's Costuming forChildren's Theatre/Pioneer Drama Service.) Mentioned here are only those items that deserve special attention.
SCARECROW GIRL: She should look as much like a real scarecrow · as possible. Funny hot, strange makeup. Straw sticking from her sleeves, shoes and hat.
COW (MISS PRISS): Use two actors, one for front and one for rear. If you can't get an actual "cow" costume, have actors wear white trousers, a blanket to suggest cowhide and create a "head." Same if you are using only one actor. A suit of long white underwear will work. Rent a cow head from a costume store or "create." Gloves for hooves.
GIANT CHICKEN: Again, a rental costume is the easiest way to go, but if you have to create one, actor con wear a suit of long underwear dyed brown (red will work). Covered arms for wings. Tail feathers, beak. Yellow gloves. If you have access to some other "poultry'' costume, don't be afraid to substitute -GOOSE, DUCK.
THE GIANT: He should look as big as possible -- certainly "bigger" than anyone else on stage. To do this he should wear clumsy boots that are somewhat difficult to walk in. The soles con be extra thick ta add a few inches. Give him a high hot to odd height. If not that, a bushy fright wig. He should wear a scary full beard and a wide belt. Body padding for bulk. Gloves. To
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JACK AND THE MAGIC BEANS
SY NOPSIS OF SCENES The action of the play takes place long ago, in the Land of the Giant.
ACT ONE Scene One: The farm belonging to Jack's mother Scene Two: On the road to the village square Scene Three: The village square Scene Four: The rood again Scene Five: Bock on the form
ACT TWO The kitchen in the Giant's castle, up in the clouds.
ACTONE Scene One
The form belonging to JACK'$ mother. Day. The door to the cottage is STAGE RIGHT. T here's a DROP showing painted fields across the back of the STAGE. Or, there can be a couple of scenery FLATS UPSTAGE with a view of the field$ painted on. SCARECROW GIRL if positioned UP CENTER, facing the audience, arms sticking out.
At Rise: SOUND OF ROOSTER CROWING. In a moment; the door opens and OUT STEPS JACK. Or, if the door is not practical, he steps INTO VIEW from behinq the cottage facade. JACK's a lively young fellow. He loves od.v�nture. He yawns and stretches out his arms. Again •• SOUND OF ROOSTER CROWING.
JACK: Oh, what a fine night's sleep· I had. (Steps tower� audience.)I know todoy is going to bring good fortune. I feel 1t. (To SCARECROW GIRL.) Good morning, Scarecrow Girl.
SCARECROW GIRL: Good morning, Jock. JACK: It's going to be a beautiful day. SCARECROW GIRL: If you say so, Jack. SUSAN'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE LEFT.) Is f�qf you, Jae�? JACK: (Calls LEFT.) Of course it's me. (To avd1,11r:;�.) That s my sister
Susan. (SUSAN ENTERS. She's about JACK'$ pge and hos no time for nonsense. Carries o small straw b<1slcet.)
SUSAN: About time you were getting up. I've been out of bed for an hovr.
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SCARECROW GIRL: It's the early bird that gets the worm. SUSAN: Good morning, Scarecrow Girl. SCARECROW GIRL: Good morning, Susan. JACK: What's in the basket? Something good to eat, I hope. (Rubs
his tummy with a circular motion.) I haven't tasted food in such a long time.
SUSAN: Who has? I thought I might forage up some berries for breakfast. But there isn't a berry to be had. The birds have eaten them all.
MISS PRISS' VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE RIGHT.) Moooo-poooo. (JACKreacts, steps RIGHT. Looks OFF.)
JACK: It's Miss Priss. She's hungry, too. She can't give milk, y'know, if she doesn't eat.
SUSAN: (To audience.) How true. MISS PRISS' VOICE: Moooo-00000. (JACK's MOTHER STEPS from
the cottage door. Or, from behind it. She has an old broom.)MOTHER: Any luck with the berries, Susan? SUSAN: Not a one. MOT HER: Tsk, tsk. SUSAN: The birds got them all. SCARECROW GIRL: Good morning, Jack's Mother. (Lowers her
arms.) MOTHER: Good morning, Scarecrow Girl. (Sweeping here and
there.) It does seem to me you might have scared off those birds. After all, it's your job.
SCARECROW GIRL: They come at night. I can't see them in the dork and they can't see me.
SUSAN: Unless there's a moon. SCARECROW GIRL: The moon wasn't shining last night. MOTHER: Nothing to eat, nothing to eat. Same old song. Soon we'll
be nothing but skin and bones. SCARECROW GIRL: Bones and skin, bones and skin. JACK: Cheer up. Something good is bound to happen. MOTHER: (Stops sweeping. To audience.) My son Jack is such on
optimistic lad. Not as bright as he appears -- but optim;stic. (VILLAGE WOMAN # 1 and VILLAGE WOMAN #2 ENT�R LEFTin a state of excitement. Each wears an apron and car,.-ies a basket.)
VILLAGE WOMAN #1: (To MOTHER.) You poor, poor woman. MOTHER: I can't deny the truth. I'm poor. Plain enough to see. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: We're all poor in this wretched village. (Nods
to # 1.) But that isn't what she means. SUSAN: What does she mean?
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PRODUCTION NOTES STAGE PROPERTIES
ACT ONE: Door to cottage, or cut-out front [facade] of cottage, backdrop cloth or some scenery flats illustrated with view of painted fields.
ACT TWO: Painte.d scenery flat to represent portion of stove/oven. Table for stove (front covered with paper or practical oven "door"). Side table with: pots, pans, cooking .utensils. Di�hwaretable with: cups, saucers, funnel, plates, basin for washing, towel. Dinner table with chair or stool for Giant. Also on dinner table: Oversized cup [pail], ketchup bottle, knife.
ACT ONE - Brought On: Scene One - Basket (SUSAN); old broom, apron (MOTHER); basket (VILLAGE WOMAN # l and #2); long rope for chicken (JACK); long staff with ribbons (HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM); chair (JACK); bags of coins (LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE).
Brought On: Scene Two - Pint bottle of ?1ilk (C�W -- from inside costume) -- con be wooden bottle painted white, or small dairy bottle painted white.
Brought On: Scene Three - Market products: fruits, vegetabl�s, flowers, eggs, toy goose (SELLERS, VILLAGERS); tray with dipped apples and sticks (VILLAGE WOMAN #2); hand bell (HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM); bag of coins (LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE). Cloak, hat with feather, pouch with 5 beans, jelly beans work very well (BEAN-SELLER.)
Brought On: Scene Four - Pouch with 5 beans, or jelly beans (JACK).
Brought On: Scene Five - Pouch with 5 beans, or jelly beans (JACK). Stepl�dder beanstalk (pushed on during blackout).
ACT TWO - Brought On: Lorge platter with rope (spaghetti) and red paint (sauce) (COOK); large platter with pie (shaving cream) (KITCHEN GIRL); prop food (EXTRAS); chef cap and apron (KITCHEN STAFF); beans, or jelly beans (BEAN-SELLER); b�wl and spoon (HOUSEKEEPER); club (GIANT); small set of prison bars wrist chains (QUEEN); pitcher (COOK); bed sheet or whit� beach towel (COOK, KITCHEN GIRL); tiny saucer
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MOTHER: (About to pass out.) My sonl A noblemanl I always knew he'd amount to something.
JACK: Thank you, Your Majesty. A great honor. QUEEN: No more than you deserve. (APPLAUSE. CHICKEN ENTERS
in a state of excitement, CLUCKING merrily.) CHICKEN: Cluck, cluck, cluck. Cheep. cheep, cheepl SUSAN: It's our hen! (Proudly, CHICKEN holds out -- a go/den egg.) ALL: A golden eggl CHICKEN: (Boasting.) Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! I did itl I did it! (JACK
steps to her, takes the golden egg and holds it up for all to see.)
JACK: We're not poor any longer, Mother. Nor is the village. Nor is the kingdom.
ALL: Hoorayl HOUSEKEEPER: (Happily.) Everybody get a chair. We'll celebrate. I'll
serve up a nice batch of Wigglewaggle! JACK: (Horrified.) Wigglewaggle? Oh, no!
End of Play
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SCARECROW GIRL:' Good morning, ladies. VILLAGERS: Good morning, Scarecrow Girl. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: (Indicates #1.) She means Sheriff Dumdum
is headed t�is way. SUSAN: The High Sheriff? JACK: Why? VILLAGE WOMAN #1: You're going to be evicted. MOTHER/JACK/SUSAN: (Horrified.) Evictedl? SCARECROW GIRL: What's that mean -- �?VILLAGE WOMAN #2: It means he's going to toss everyone off this
farm. SCARECROW GIRL: That's horrible! (Bawls.) Boo-hoo, boo-hoo,
boo-hooooooo. MISS PRISS' VOICE: (As if in answer.) Mooooooooo. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: Something about non-payment of taxes. MOTHER: Taxes? Who has money to pay taxes? SUSAN: Besides, Good Queen Violet would never let us be evicted.
She's too kind for that. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: (Surprised.) Then you haven't heard? JACK: Heard what? VILLAGE WOMAN #2: Good Queen Violet has been taken away by
-- (She stops and nervously looks over her shoulder. She's afraid someone or something, bad might be listening.)
SUSAN: Taken away by what? JACK: Taken away by who? VILLAGERS: The Giant! (Reaction.) JACK: (Angrily.) The Giantl The Giant! Always the Giant. Will we
never be free of the Giantl VILLAGE WOMAN #1: He's demanding a huge ransom from
Princess Tulip. Either she pays up or she'll never see her mother again.
SCARECROW GIRL: That's awfull (Bowls.) Boo-hoo, boo-hooooooo. MISS PRISS' VOICE: Moooo-00000. SUSAN: (Looks upward.) He's lucky his castle is up there in·the
clouds. (OTHERS look upward.) Where no one can reach him. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: Who'd want to?VILLAGE WOMAN #2: The less we know of the Giant the better.
That's what I .say. JACK: (Points upward.) look therel (ALL squint upward;) It's the
traveling bucket! · ALL: (To audience.) The Giant's sending someone downl JACK: (Agitated.) Here it comes! Take covert All: 00000000000. (ALL cover their heads and drop to the ground
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as -- BLACKOUT -- followed by the SOUND OF SOMETHING WOODEN SLAMMING to earth with a great THUD.)
TROLL'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE LEFT.) (LIGHTS UP as ALL stand
and look, LEFT.) VILLAGE WOIM.N # 1 : (Shaking.) Who -- who -- who -VILLAGE WOIM.N #2: Is it? VILLAGE WOIM.N #1: It's not the Giant, is it? JACK: Of course not. He couldn't fit in the bucket. (Bravely, JACK
marches LEFT and looks OFF.) SUSAN: (Guardedly.) Who is it, Jack? JACK: It's the Giant's henchman. The Troll. VILLAGE WOIM.N #1: The Troll?! He's as bad as the Giant! MOTHER: Worse! VILLAGE WOIM.N #2: Creepy things, trolls! VILLAGE WOIM.N # 1 : I can't abide them! TROLL'S VOICE: (Drawing near.) Fee fi fo furn
I smell the blood of an Englishman. SCARECROW GIRL: He's coming this way! VILLAGE WOIM.N #1: Let's get out of here. VILLAGE WO/M.N #2: Run! (VILLAGERS run out RIGHT, followed by
SUSAN and then SCARECROW GIRL.) MOTHER: Jack,what are we going to do? JACK: Fear not, Mother. I'll protect you. (JACK grabs away the
broom from his MOTHER's grip and holds it like a musket. Muttering and snarling, TROLL ENTERS. He [or she] is a nasty-looking critter dressed in rags, covered in matted green hair with a large wart on his chin and a long pointed nose. He's mean and vicious and delights in tormenting others. He notices MOTHER and JACK. Points to them, speaks to audience.)
TROLL: What have we got here? Jack the blockhead and his mother the pinhead. Hee, hee, hee.
MOTHER: (Flutters her apron.) Go away. Shoo. No trolls. Shoo, shoo, I say.
TROLL: Bah. Don't provoke me. I had a rough ride in the bucket. (Rubs his backside.) I wish there were another way to get down here. (Steps to MOTHER.) Gold, gold. My master, the Giant, demands gold.
JACK:' Then your master, the Giant, will be disappointed. There's no gold on this farm.
TROLL: Hmmmm. If you don't have any gold, you've got to give me something else.
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HOUSEKEEPER: My boy Jack tossed me the key when the Giant was chasing him.
MOTHER: Your boy? (COOK and KITCHEN GIRL run IN UP LEFT.) COOK: Oh, dear, dear. What a mess! KITCHEN GIRL: The Giant fell to the village and slammed through
the ground and just kept going. COOK: He's halfway to China now. (BEAN-SELLER ENTERS, RIGHT.) BEAN-SELLER: What did I tell you -- magic beans. VILLAGER # l: How did you get here? BEAN-SELLER: I've been here all the time. In case Jack needed me.
There's someone here for you, Jack. JACK: For me? Who? (In trots MISS PRISS.) MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000.VILLAGERS: Miss Priss! MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000.SUSAN: (To BEAN-SELLER.) You mean we can have her bock? BEAN-SELLER: If you wont her. MOTHER: We do, we do. JACK: (Hugs MISS PRISS.) It's so good to see you, Miss Priss. HIGH SHERIFF: (To BEAN-SELLER.) Just who ore you, sir? BEAN-SELLER: (A wink to the audience.) That's for me to know and
for you to find out. MOTHER: Even with the Giant gone we're still poor as poor can be. QUEEN: Let me show my appreciation to the lad who rescued us
all. (To JACK.) Kneel, Jack. MOTHER: Kneel? LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: Jack is going to be knighted. Isn't that
wonder-der-der -- (Off she goes with the MUMBLING again.) PRINCESS: But we don't have the royal knighting sword. HOUSEKEEPER: If it's a sword you want, I know just the thing. (To
COOK.) The Giant's table knife. COOK: (To KITCHEN GIRL.) F.etch. KITCHEN GIRL: Good as done. (KITCHEN GIRL crosses to table and
picks up the long table knife. Holds it up for good audience view. It's large enough to be a sword. Hands it to the QUEEN. Curtsies, steps back. QUEEN indicates that JACK should kneel. He kneels on one knee. Silence. No one moves.)
QUEEN: So that all future generations will know that a youngster who has imagination and courage is someone "special", I dub thee -- "Jack, the Giant-Slayer." (She touches each shoulder with the tip of the GIANT's knife.) Accept our gratitude and appreciation. Arise, Sir Jack Spriggins.
OTHERS: Sir?
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Aggggguuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhh!
play some thrilly FIGHT MUSIC. JACK and GIANT duel -- as if they each were holding fencing foils. The GIANT' s club is awkward but powerful. JACK jumps here and there, poking with the spear. VILLAGERS react, interjecting comments. MOTHER and SUSAN cling to one another. The club strikes and hits the floor. JACK pokes with the spear. The combatants move UPSTAGE, LEFT.)
MOTHER/SUSAN: Careful, sonl Careful, Jacki Jump away from himl Watch out for that clubl Etc.
VILLAGERS: Do something, High Sheriff! Arrest that giant! Eekl I hate violence! Etc. (Finally, the GIANT hoists the· club high over his head and with horrific a GROAN he swings it toward JACK. The lad leaps aside and the club hits the floor with a THUD. The force of this maneuver has taken all the GIANT's strength for the moment. He lets the club drop from his grip and � �- Seeing his chance, JACK aims the spear at the GIANT's midsection and cries out as he thrusts -- )
JACK: For England and Good Queen Violet! (The force of the thrust causes the GIANT to back pedal and OUT, UP LEFT. With the spear still at the GIANT's midsection, JACK pushes after him.)
VILLAGERS: For England and Good Queen Violet! (Some VILLAGERS rush UP LEFT and look OFFSTAGE. Dialogue fast and excited.)
PRINCESS: Can you see anything? SUSAN: I see Jack. MOTHER: I see the Giant. HIGH SHERIFF: The Giant's by the casement window! JACK'S VOICE: Out you go, evil Giant! (We hear a LONG
DESCENDING WAIL from the GIANT as he falls from the castle -- over sound system, if possible.)
SUSAN: The Giant fell from the window! VILLAGERS: Hooray! (They pull aside as JACK returns.) Hooray,
hooray, Jacki JACK: (Moves CENTER.) We have nothing more to fear from that
wicked Giant. (APPLAUSE. QUEEN rushes IN. No bars.) QUEEN: Tulip! PRINCESS: Mother! (They embrace.) LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: How did you get free, Your Majesty? QUEEN: The housekeeper unlocked my cell. (HOUSEKEEPER ENTERS
DOWN LEFT with the key.)
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MOTHER: We have nothing else. You've been here before. MISS PRISS' VOICE: Mooooooooo. TROLL: What's that? It's a cow. Give me the cow. MOTHER: Miss Priss? Never. JACK: You heard my mother. Never. (Motions with broom.) Now,
you get out of here. TROLL: Careful, Jack. Careful. I'll tell the Giant on you. Hee, hee,
hee. He eats. lads like you -- seasoned with salt and sprinkled with pepper. (MOTHER hugs JACK close.) Hee, hee, hee.
MOTHER: You're horrid. TROLL: (Takes this as a compliment.) Thank you. (Stern.) If you
don't give my tribute to take to my master he'll destroy this cottage with one great sneeze!
MOTHER: Ohl This is my home. TROLL: As if I didn't know. (Tormenting her.) Ach-choo. MOTHER: (Wipes away a tear.) If it isn't Miss Priss it'll have to be the
other. JACK: But, Mother --MOTHER: No arguments, Jack. We have enough trouble. We
mustn't anger the Giant. JACK: (Dutiful.) If you say so. (Dejected, head low, JACK EXITS UP
RIGHT.) TROLL.: (To audience.) Everybody has to pay tribute to the Giant. It's
the law. The Giant's law. MOTHER: (Tentative.) Is it true what I've heard? TROLL: That depends on what you've heard. MOTHER: The Giant has seized Good Queen Violet. TROLL: True, true, true. It's up to Princess Tulip to come upwith the
ransom money. Otherwise, Good Queen Violet will be Gone Queen Violet. Hee, hee, hee; (Does a weird little dance, hopping about on one foot .) Fee fi fo furn I smell the blood of an Englishman. (To MOTHER.) That's my master's favorite poem. Isn't it lovely? He's a sensitive brute. (Dances some more.) Be he alive or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to bake my bread.
JACK'S VOICE: Here we are, Mother. (JACK REAPPEARS holding a long rope. He's pulling something into the yard. In a moment it appears. It's a GIANT CHICKEN [HEN]. Walks birdlike and darts its head from side to side.)
CHICKEN: Cheep, cheep, cheep. MOTHER: Such a lovely chicken. Never gives me a bit of trouble. JACK: We raised it from a chick. TROLL: (Studies the bird.) What's this? This is no ordinary hen. It's a
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giant one. Where'd you get this bird? JACK: We found it on the ground. Long ago. MOTHER: It was only a little bundle of feathers. TROLL: This must be the chicken that fell out of the Giant's kitchen
window. You're giving me back something that doesn't belong to you in the first place. That's a special chicken.
JACK: You mean because it's so large? TROLL: I mean because it can lay golden eggs. (JACK and MOTHER
are stunned, then amused.) BOTH: Golden eggs? Ha, ha, ha. TROLL: What's so funny? MOTHER: Why, this chicken has never laid a single ordinary egg. TROLL: I tell you it's the Giant's giant chicken. If it doesn't lay
golden eggs it will soon be on the Giant's dinner plate. MOTHER: Qhl TROLL: Covered in gravy and string beans. (Alarmed at the
prospect of ending up on a dinner plate, CHICKEN SQUAWKS in outrage. JACK drops his end of the rope.)
HIGH SHERIFF'S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) There's nothing to fear. High Sheriff Dumdum's here.
JACK: (Looks LEFT.) It's the High Sheriff. TROLL: The silly fool. (Unseen by the OTHERS, the CHICKEN gathers
up the rope and LEAVES the STAGE. It runs up an aisle and OUT at the rear of the auditorium. HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM ENTERS wearing some sort of uniform or official robe. He's a pompous man, impressed by his position in life. He carries a long staff decorated by ribbons or a gold knob at the top -the symbol of his lofty office.)
HIGH SHERIFF: Good day to you, Jack. Good day to you, Jack's Mother.
MOTHER: How can it be a good day when we're to be evicted? (She throws her apron to her face and sobs.)
HIGH SHERIFF: That's neither here nor there. You haven't paid your taxes. Pay up or get out.
TROLL: You tell them, High Sheriff. What a nice job you have. Tossing people out of their homes. How I envy you. (Only now does the HIGH SHERIFF notice the TROLL. Startled, he jumps back.)
HIGH SHERIFF: Bless mel It's a troll. MOTHER: Not just any troll. JACK: It's the troll that works for the Giant. HIGH SHERIFF: (Shaking in fear.) I didn't recognize you. TROLL: Naturally. Otherwise, you'd show more respect.
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SHERIFF, PRINC ESS TULIP, EXTRAS. T hey YELL OUT encouragement as they thunder down the aisle(s).)
VILLAGERS: We're here, Jacki Hang on, Jacki Help is on the way! We're coming, Jacki Down with bad giants!
JACK: (Can't believe it.) Mother? TROLL: (Terrified.) Y ipes! GIANT: How did they get to my castle? The beanstalk? TROLL: (Tosses aside the spear.) I'll check with you later, Giant. I
think I hear the bucket calling. (TROLL runs OUT, LEFT.) GIANT: (Calls after him.) Traitor! (Upset by the VILLAGER's arrival,
GIANT loosens his hold on JACK. JACK springs for the spear and picks it up. By now, VILLAGERS reach the stage and push into the kitchen. Suddenly, they are face to face with the GIANT and their energy seems to drain away. No one moves. GIANT looks at them and, then --) Grrrrrrrrrrrl (VILLAGERS take a jump back.)
VILLAGERS: Ohl GIANT: Hahahal You are nothing but insects! I shall swat you all.
(He slaps one hand into the palm of the other. Again, VILLAGERS jump back.) Hohahal
PRINCESS: (Bravely.) Where's my mother? GIANT: Where's my gold? MOTHER: Did he hurt you, Jock? JACK: Where did you find the courage to climb the beanstalk? HIGH SHERIFF: You gave it to us, Jack. Although I must soy
climbing a beanstalk is not very dignified for a man of my importance.
SUSAN: We figured if you had enough courage to climb by yourself, we'd have enough if we all stuck together.
VILLAGER #1: What a climb- it was. SCARECROW GIRL: Looks like we got here just in time. VILLAGER #2: (Looks about.) Look at this kitchen. It's big enough
for a giant. (Slowly, the GIANT's fury has been building. Finally, it�.)
GIANT: I'll deal with you all, one by .one! I'll crush you, one by one. I'll destroy you, one by one!
VILLAGERS: (Another jump back.) Oh! GIANT: But first I'll finish with you, Jack Spriggins. (He stoops for the
club. OTHERS pull back to the sides of the kitchen. At this point, you might introduce the strobe light(s), if available. Or,
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GIANT: Who is he? TROLL: He's a clever boy. His name is Jack Spriggins. GIANT: Sprigginsi Spriggins? Ah, yes, I destroyed the father and
now I will destroy the son. JACK: (Defiantly.) Never, Giant! GIANT: Where is the golden key you stole from my Singing Harp? JACK: That's for me to know and for you to find out. GIANT: Where is it, I say! Answer me! JACK: I gave it to someone. GIANT: Whoil JACK: That's for me to know and for you to find out. GIANT: Stop saying that. (And with that, GIANT swings at JACK with
the club. JACK, however, is too nimble and the club strikes the floor as he jumps aside. NOTE: As the fight between JACK and the GIANT plays, COOK and KITCHEN GIRL will run IN, look, and, horrified, dash OFF. EXJ"RAS, too. The GIANT's castle staff, with the exception of TROLL, are a bunch of silly zanies.)
TROLL: This is the end of you, Jack Spriggins. JACK: Think so? TROLL: Know so. (With a horrible GRUNT, the GIANT whacks,
again, at JACK. And, again, nimbly, JACK jumps aside.) GIANT: Away with the club, I'll use my hands! (GIANT tosses aside
the club and grabs for JACK. Unfortunately, the move is so fast it catches the boy off guard and GOGMAGOG gets him in a hammer lock. JACK struggles.)
TROLL: Try breaking free of that, Jack Spriggins! Hee, hee, hee. (Next, GIANT throws an arm around JACK's throat and begins to draw tight.)
JACK: I -- can't - breathe. (Gleefully, TROLL steps down to audience and exclaims --)
TROLL: Did you hear that? Jack can't breath. Poor Jock. Poor, poor Jack Spriggins. (Tighter and tighter the grip of the GIANT squeezes.)
GIANT: Be he alive or be he dead I'll grind his bones to make my bread!
TROLL: (Dancing about.) Fee fi fo fuml Fee fi fo fuml (Stops, to audience as he points to almost breathless JACK.) This is the end of Jack. Say goodbye to Jock, everyone. (Waves.) 'Bye, 'bye, Jack. Nothing can save him nowl (As if in answer, the doors at the rear of the auditorium fling open dnd the VILLAGERS rush IN. For weapons they carry hoes and rakes. To include: MOTHER, SUSAN, SCARECROW GIRL, VILLAGER # 1 and #2, LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE, HIGH
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HIGH SHERIFF: Respect, respect. Yes, respect. TROLL: (Commands.) Bow to the Giant's troll, you insignificant lump. HIGH SHERIFF: (Offended.) See here, Troll, I'm a man of great
importance. I hove position in society. I don't bow to trolls. TROLL: Bow or I'll tell the Giant on you! HIGH SHERIFF: (Bowing and scraping all over the stage.) Yes, yes,
Your Horribleness. Whatever you say, Your Repulsiveness. A pleasure to bow and scrape before you, Your Grossness. Please extend my compliments to your master, the Giant. (As the HIGH SHERIFF humbles himself, TROLL dances about in glee. JACK and his MOTHER stand close, fascinated by the scene.)
TROLL: Bow, bow, bow. Hee, hee, hee. (Suddenly, TROLL stops. Looks about.) Eh? What's this?
MOTHER: What's what? TROLL: Where is it? JACK: It? TROLL: The chicken! The chicken that lays the golden eggs! HIGH SHERIFF: Chicken that lays golden eggs? TROLL: Shut up, fool. (Frantic.) Where is it? Where is it? JACK: I don't know. MOTHER: It was here a moment ago. TROLL: (Speaks to the first row.) Have you seen the chicken?
(Whether or not anyone answers, TROLL LEAVES the STAGE and moves into the AUDIENCE. At first, his words are loud, as he questions spectators sitting in aisle seats -- "Have you seen the chicken?" But as he moves up the aisle, his voice grows less audible -- "The chicken?" "Have you seen the chicken?" "The chicken that lays the golden eggs?" Eventually, he E>aTS at the back of the auditorium. As TROLL moves up the aisle, OTHERS move to the �dge of the STAGE and stare after him.) ·
HIGH SHERIFF: What an unpleasant fellow. I'd slop him in irons if he didn't beldng to the Giant.
MOTHER: If you were a proper High Sheriff, you'd arrest the Giant. HIGH SHERIFF: Qviet! (Shaking in fear.) He might be listening. JACK: Why must everyone fear the Giant? Why don't we do
something oqout him? (MOTHER slaps one hand over her son's mouth. She and HIGH SHERIFF look upwards -- as if they feared the Giant might be listening. PRINCESS TULIP, a pretty girl, ENTERS (EFT.· She has a lovely smile but, at the moment, she's quite unhappy.)
PRINCESS: Oh, dear. You got here before me, High Sheriff. (HIGH SHERIFF comes to attention and salutes in stupid fashion. That
7
is, palm out, hand trembling.) HIGH SHERIFF: Princess Tulip. MOTHER: (Curtsies.) Princess. JACK: (Slight bow from the waist.) Princess. MOTHER: Quick, Jack. Fetch a chair for the Princess. JACK: I'm on my way, Mother. (He runs into cottage, or darts
behind the facade.) PRINCESS: I wanted to tell you myself, Jack's Mother. I wanted to
explain. MOTHER: You mean about the eviction? HIGH SHERIFF: (Slapping at his costume.) I've got the eviction notice
here somewhere. PRINCESS: The Giant is holding my mother hostage. MOTHER: I heard. PRINCESS: Unless I give him two bags of gold, he says he'll put my
mother in a blackbird pie. MOTHER: The beast! PRINCESS: In a blackbird pie sprinkled with cinnamon. MOTHER: I shouldn't think that would taste good. (JACKS RUNS
OUT with a chair.) JACK: Here we are, Mother. One chair for the Princess. (He
positions the chair CENTER.) MOTHER: Won't you sit, Princess? PRINCESS: You're most kind. But I mustn't stay long. There's so
much to be done. (PRINCESS moves to chair, sits.) HIGH SHERIFF: (To MOTHER.) You're not the only one to be evicted,
you know. PRINCESS: The only way I can raise the ransom is to foreclose on
those farms that haven't paid their taxes to the Crown. I've sold everything of value. My jewels, my ermine-trimmed robes, my silk dancing slippers. My three sparkling tiaras. It's not enough.
MOTHER: You poor, poor child. HIGH SHERIFF: Unless the taxes are paid, this farm will be
auctioned in the morning to the highest bidder. (Bangs staff on the ground.) Hear ye, hear ye -- and stuff like that.
JACK: But where will we live? HIGH SHERIFF: You can sleep in the palace garden with the others
who hove been evicted. (To PRINCESS.) I'll look about the place. Buyers always want to know if there's water on the property. (With great pomp, flourishing the staff as he walks, HIGH SHERIFF EXITS RIGHT.)
PRINCESS: I came to apologize. I've been apologizing to everyone
8
HOUSEKEEPER: What's the trouble? SINGING HARP: A boy is in the castle. HOUSEKEEPER: Ow! That's my boy! That's Jacki Where's
Gogmagog? SINGING HARP: Chasing after Jack. HOUSEKEEPER: Auuuuuugggghbbbbl My boy, my boy! My very own
boy! (Co/ls OUT.) We've got to save my boy! We've got to save Jacki (HOUSEKEEPER runs after GIANT to intercede. COOK and KITCHEN GIRL rush IN.)
COOK: We've got to save Jacki KITCHEN GIRL: We've got to save Jacki (COOK and KITCHEN GIRL
dash after HOUSEKEEPER. EXTRAS can also appear and join in, "We've got to save Jacki" SINGING HARP strolls OUT, RIGHT. Oblivious to all the uproar.)
SINGING HARP: BEAUTIFUL GI-ANT, KING OF MY SONG, LIST WHILE I WOO THEE WITH SOFT MELODY ... (She's gone. VOICES from OFFSTAGE, DOWN LEFT.)
VOICE: Jacki Jacki We've got to save Jacki (JACK runs IN from DOWN LEFT. He',s chased by HOUSEKEEPER, COOK and KITCHEN GIRL, EXTRAS, but not the GIANT. JACK runs OUT, UP RIGHT. OTHERS follow.) Jacki Jacki We've got to save Jack! (In a second, HOUSEKEEPER, COOK, KITCHEN GIRL, EXTRAS run bock ONSTAGE and OUT, UP LEFT.)
HOUSEKEEPER: My boy! My boy! My very own boy! (JACK runs IN and choses after the others. None of them have noticed that the GIANT isn't with them. However, when JACK leaves the stage this time, we hear the awful VOICE OF GOGMAGOG.)
GIANT'S VOICE: Come here, you miserable boy! JACK'S VOICE: You've got to catch me first. GIANT'S VOICE: Bahl HOUSEKEEPER'S VOICE: Run, Jack, runt VOICES/COOK & KITCHEN 'GIRL: Run, run, run! EXTRAS' VOICES: Run, run, run! GIANT'S VOICE: Eh? What's this? Rebellion? (JACK slides IN from
DOWN LEFT. He starts to run RIGHT, but is stopped by the entrance of the TROLL who holds a spear.)
TROLL: What a treat! I said one day I'd get even with you for your · rudeness. (Calls DOWN LEFT.) Gogmagog, I've got him. He'shere! (GIANT thumps IN, angry.)
GIANT: How did he get to my castle in the clouds? TROLL: The last time I saw this boy he had some beans. And I
noticed a bean stalk reaching up into the clouds not far away. He must have found a way to get up here.
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I shall take a nap. I must rest up for dinner. After dinner I shall destroy the village. (Aghast, JACK slaps one hand to his face.)
SINGING HARP: Yes, master. Whatever pleases you. GIANT: You're wearing the golden key that unlocks Queen Violet's
prison cell. SINGING HARP: Yes, master. GIANT: Never lose it. SINGING HARP: No, master. GIANT: She's money in the bank. Sing, my beautiful harp. Lull me
to sleep. SINGING HARP: Yes, master. To sleep. GIANT: (Dozing off.) Sleep ... sleep ... beautiful sleep. SINGING HARP: (Sweetly singing.) BEAUTIFUL GI-ANT, SLEEP UNTO
ME, STARLIGHT AND DEWDROPS ARE WAITING FOR THEE;
JACK: (To audience.) I must get that key. SINGING HARP: SOUNDS OF THE RUDE WORLD HEARD IN THE
DAY, LULL'D BY THE MOONLIGHT HAVE ALL PASSED AWAY. (As shesings, JACK steps closer and closer to her. On tiptoes, cautioning the audience to be quiet. GIANT snores.) BEAUTIFUL GI-ANT, KING OF MY SONG, UST WHILE I WOO THEE WITH SOFT MELODY; GONE ARE THE CARES OF LIFE'S BUSY THRONG, BEAUTIFUL GI-ANT SLEEP UNTO ME. (JACK snatches the keyfrom around her neck.)
JACK: Got itl SINGING HARP: Mostert Master! Awake! There's a thief in the castle! GIANT: (Groggy.) What say you? SINGING HARP: The keyl The keyl He's stolen the golden key! JACK: I've got to get out of here! (JACK dashes from the kitchen,
LEFT.) SINGING HARP: Thiefl Thiefl Thief in the castlel (GIANT startles fully
awake and rises from the table in a terrible fury.)GIANT: What's this? SINGING HARP: A boy! A boy! An English boy! He's stolen the
golden key! He's getting away! GIANT: That's what he thinks. Which way did he go? SINGING HARP: (Points LEFT.) That way, master. GIANT: I'll crush his bones! That's what I'll do. (GIANT picks up his
club and stomps after JACK.) Fee fi fo furn I smell the blood of an Englishman! (He's OUT. HOUSEKEEPERruns IN from RIGHT.)
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in the kingdom. But I must rescue my mother. (Sobs.)JACK: I've never seen a princess cry before. PRINCESS: I hope you never see a princess cry again. MOTHER: I'd like to give that Giant a piece of my mind. PRINCESS: He'd probably cook it. (LADY STUMBLE�MUMBLE
stumbles IN from LEFT. She carries a bag supposedly filled with gold coins. She's a clumsy girl who stumbles more than shewalks, and her dialogue always trails off into mumbles.)
LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE : Princess. (She stumbles.) Oops. PRINCESS: (To MOTHER.) You'll have to forgive my lady-in-waiting.
Lady Stumble-Mumble is clumsy, but she's loyal and has a good heart. · .
LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE : Only one bag of gold, Princess. That's all we've been able to manage.
PRINCESS: But the Giant insists on rtlQ. bags of gold. MOTHER: Greedy Giant. LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE : I know what we ought to do. OTHERS: What? LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE : First, we write out a petition to the Giant
and have everyone sign it. Then -- (At this point, her dialoguedissolves into a symphony of mumbles. Doesn't make anysense at all. A few words come out clear enough, but the restis a hopeless mess. OTHERS stare, trying hard to catch whatshe's saying.) -- we do this. (Mumble, mumble.) Then,. afterthat, we do this -- (Mumble, mumble.) If anyone objects�(Mumble, mumble.) Should the Giant refuse -- (Mumble,mumble.) Total victory -- (Mumble, mumble.) Cheers from the people -· (Mumble, mumble.) No more trouble in the kingdom -- (Mumble, mumble.) And all will end well. (OTHERS continue to stare. What on earth was she talking about? Finally.)
PRINCESS: Well, yes. Thank you, Lady Stumble-Mumble. That was most enlightening.
MOTHER: Princess Tulip, if only you ·could give us a little more time. PRINCESS: Could you pay something? Even a few coins would help.
A few coins would delay the sale. (LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLEopens the bag and thrusts it forward.)
JACK: We don't have so much as a penny, Lady Stumble-Mumble. (LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE mumbles, closes the bag;)
PRINCESS: I'm afraid if you don't have something by morning, the farm will be auctioned off. We .cmw ransom the Queen. As loyal subjects, I trust you will understand.
JACK: We are loyal subjects, Princess. Never doubt that. MOTHER: And we do understand, even if our hearts are breaking.
9
PRINCESS: (Stands.) Again, forgive me for doing what must be done. Come, Lady Stumble-Mumble. On to the next farm. (PRINCESS sweeps OUT, LEFT. MOTHER curtsies. JACK bows. LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE follows after PRINCESS, turns back and speaks to OTHERS.)
LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: Dear friends, always remember the wise words of Good Queen Violet -- (She mumbles a few lines of nonsense. Turns to EXIT, stumbles.) Oops. (She's OUT.)
JACK: If only we had those few coins. We could save the farm. MOTHER: There is only one thing left to do, my son. JACK: What's that, Mother? MOTHER: We must sell the cow. JACK: (Horrified.) Sell Miss Prissl (To audience.) Did you hear what·
my mother said? Sell Miss Prissl? MOTHER: She's all we've got left to sell. Fetch her, Jack. It's market
day in the village. It's now or never. JACK: But, Mother, Miss Priss is a friend. MOTHER: Don't argue with me. (Dejected, head low, JACK EXITS
RIGHT.) Being a mother in such times is not easy. (She moves to the chair and sits. As she does, there's a'COMMOTION at the back of the auditorium. It's the CHICKEN fleeing from the TROLL.)
CHICKEN: Squawk, squawk, squawk! Cheep, cheep, cheep! (CHICKEN runs down an aisle for a few rows. TROLL ENTERS from back of auditorium, in pursuit.)
TROLL: Come back you fowl thing! You belong to the Giant! (Frantic, in a panic, CHICKEN pushes her way across a row of the audience, making her escape as best she can. TROLL, also, pushes his way into the row of audience members, snarling and growling as they read to the disturbance.) Get out of my way! Make room! Step aside! I'm on official business for the Giant! Don't interfere!
CHICKEN: Cheep, cheep, cheep! Squawk, squawk, squawk! TROLL: Come back, I say! Dumb chicken! (CHICKEN escapes OUT
the rear of the auditorium. TROLL FOLLOWS. ONSTAGE, MOTHER wipes away another tear. JACK appears, leading MISS PRISS, the cow. [NOTE: Ideally, COW should be· played by two performers, one for the front and one for the rear. An alternative to this is a single performer, in costume, walking upright. SEE PRODUCTION NOTES.})
MOTHER: A sad, sad day. JACK: Must we sell Miss Priss, Mother? MOTHER: You know our situation, Jack. Nothing to eat. Taxes to be
10
GIANT: What time is dinner? HOUSEKEEPER: Anytime you say. GIANT: Dinner in half an hour. HOUSEKEEPER: (Sighs.) Could we make it thirty-five minutes? GIANT: (Bangs fist on table.) I said half an hourlll HOUSEKEEPER: (Runs LEFT.) Yes, Gogmagog. Half an hour.
Anything you say. Half an hour, if not sooner. Owl (She's OUT. TROLL ENTERS DOWN LEFT, as GIANT sits.)
TROLL: Those villagers will never get up the ransom for Good Queen Violet.
GIANT: In that case, I will crush every cottage in the village. Burn every cart and wagon. I will drive every villager into the hills. I will ruin them, destroy them, annihilate them. Grind them into the dirt! (Even this is a bit much for the TROLL.)
TROLL: (To audience.) Nasty. GIANT: (Banging his fist on the table.) I want my Singing Harp!
Where is my Singing Harp! TROLL: I'll check on it. (TROLL EXITS. KITCHEN GIRL ENTERS UP
LEFT pushing a floor broom. She crosses RIGHT and makes a few pushes at the food the GIANT has tossed to the floor. OUT. At the same time, JACK COMES BACK INTO VIE'#, but stands UPSTAGE so he can see the GIANT, but GOGMAGOG can't see him. GIANT begins to doze off. From OFFSTAGE comes the soothing VOICE OF THE SINGING HARP. NOTE: SINGING HARP can sing anything you wish. An old English ballad works nicely -- provided it's a lullaby. Best choice is to the melody of Stephen Foster's "Beautiful Dreamer," with "Giant" substituted for "Dreamer," and "sleep" for "wake.")
SINGING HARP'S VOICE: BEAUTIFUL GI-ANT, SLEEP UNTO ME -STARLIGHT AND DEWDROPS ARE WAITING FOR THEE.
GIANT: (Sleepily.) My beautiful Singing Harp. Come in here, my dear. (SINGING HARP ENTERS.)
SINGING HARP: SOUNDS 'OF THE RUDE WORLD HEARD IN THE DAY --LULL'D BY THE MOONLIGHT HAVE ALL PASSED AWAY. (SINGING HARP is a beautiful girl in a long white gown, or something lovely and flowing. The "harp" is attached to the back of her costume. Or, it can be attached to the front of the costume. This way, as she sings, she can pluck at the strings.· The impression should be that the harp is actually part of her body. Around her neck is a string, from which dangles a large gold key.)
GIANT: I've just had a light lunch, my beautiful Singing Harp. Now,
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IN with a pitcher of juice which she pours into GIANT's cup. RUNS OFF. OPTIONAL EXTRAS are RUNNING IN AND OUT carrying still more food. The GIANT is pigging out. Disgusting. He never finishes anything. A bite of this, a rip of that, a swallow of juice, a handful of grapes. And always, what he doesn't use he tosses over his shoulder as if it were garbage. It looks like a food fight. Some LNELY MUSIC will add to the madness. CONTINUE ACTION: GIANT eats and tosses food. HOUSEKEEPER cooks. KITCHEN GIRL washes. COOK and OTHERS RUN IN AND OUT, ON AND OFF. The sequence ends only when the GIANT has had enough. He slams both fists to the table and bellows as he rises.) .En�! (OTHERS freeze in place -- even if the person is caught in the gesture of running.) I've had enough. Napkin!
COOK/KITCHEN GIRL: Napkin! (They RUN OFFSTAGE only to RETURN almost immediately carrying an unfurled bedsheet between them. If not a bedsheet, then a white beach towel. They hurry to the GIANT. He grabs the "napkin" and wipes his mouth. Tosses the "napkin" aside.)
COOK: How about some pie? GIANT: No more food. HOUSEKEEPER: No more food? (Innocently.) But I've cooked up a
nice mess of fresh Wigglewaggle, all lumpy and thick. The way you like it.
GIANT: Coffee! COOK/KITCHEN GIRL: Coffee! (They dash OFF, again only to
RETURN almost at once. COOK carries a teeny cup and KITCHEN GIRL carries a teeny saucer.)
KITCHEN GIRL: (To GIANT.) Saucer. COOK: Cup. (She puts the tiny cup on the tiny saucer.) COOK/KITCHEN GIRL: Coffee. (Almost daintily, GIANT takes the
cup and saucer. Slurps. . . and slurps and slurps. There seemsto be no bottom to the cup. On and on goes the slurping.)
GIANT: (Smacks his lips on finishing.) Delicious. COOK: (Pleasantly.) We're so glad you liked it, Giant. How about a
slice of Danish? GIANT: (Puts aside the tiny cup and saucer. Bangs fist on table.)
Everybody out! Now( (ACTORS frozen in position "unfreeze," RUN OFF. Ditto for COOK and KITCHEN GIRL, who RUN OUT, LEFT.) You, Housekeeper.
HOUSEKEEPER: Ow! Yes, Gogmagog?. GIANT: Fetch me my Singing Harp. It's time for my nap. HOUSEKEEPER: Yes, Giant.
34
paid. A queen to be ransomed. If it isn't one thing, it's another. MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000. (MOTHER stands, steps to the COW.
Kisses it on the head.) MOTHER: Goodbye, Miss Priss. Try to forgive us, if you can. We
wouldn't be doing this if we weren't desperate. MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000.MOTHER: Go along, Jack. JACK: Yes, Mother. (To audience.) Mother knows best.MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. (JACK crosses LEFT and EXITS. MISS
PRISS FOLLOWS. MOTHER picks up the choir and EXITS RIGHT.) End Of Scene One
[NOTE: The following brief scene, on the road to the village sQuare. can be worked in a couple of ways. (1) As JACK EXITS with MISS PRISS, the CURTAIN CLOSES and JACK and MISS PRISS soon APPEAR on the FORESTAGE, from EXTREME DOWN LEFT. The FORESTAGE becomes ''the road." (2) If you're not using a curtain. the "cottage door'' is removed as JACK and MISS PRISS make their cross, and the open STAGE becomes the rood.]
ACT ONE Scene Two
The road [FORESTAGE or open STAGE].
At Rise: JACK ENTERS from EXTREME DOWN LEFT or from STAGE LEFT if no curtain is used. MISS PRISS trails behind.
JACK: The way I figure it, Miss Priss, is like this. Somehow, we've got to get rid of the Giant. If only people weren't so afraid.
MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000.JACK: First things first. We've got to sove the farm. MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. (VILLAGE WO/i.JiAN #1 ENTERS from
RIGHT.) VILLAGE WOMAN #1: I sow the High Sheriff, Jack. Sorry to hear
the auction's tomorrow. JACK: Princess Tulip says if we can pay something we might hold on
to the farm a bit longer. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: Don't tell me. let me guess. You're going to
sell Miss Priss. MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000.JACK: Afraid so. I wish it were otherwise. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: let me hove a look at her. If you're not
asking too much, I might buy her myself. MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. (VILLAGE WOMEN # 1 crosses to the
11
cow, investigates.) VILLAGE WOMAN # l: Let me see your teeth, cow. (MISS PRISS
shakes her head "no.") I must see the teeth. I'm not buying a cow-in-a-poke.
JACK: Show her your teeth, Miss Priss. (MISS PRISS tilts her head up and VILLAGE WOMAN # 1 checks the choppers.)
VILLAGE WOMAN # l : Hmmmm. I think this is an old cow. The teeth are worn down and they look brown.
MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: And her tongue is thin. Much too thin. I
don't fancy a cow with a thin tongue. I don't suppose she can produce milk?
JACK: Only because we haven't been able to feed her. But I'm sure she'll do her best for you. (To prove that MISS PRISS is a worthy dairy, JACK steps to the cow's tail and works it like a pump handle.)
VILLAGE WOMAN #1: That's a strange way to milk a cow. JACK: Miss Priss is an unusual cow. VILLAGE WOMAN # l : Looks quite ordinary to me. JACK: Come on, Miss Priss. I know you can do it. Try. Try hard. MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. Moooo-00000. Moooo-00000. (JACK
pumps the tail harder and harder. Finally, MISS PRISS MOOS in triumph. A pint bottle of milk is produced from the cow costume.)
JACK: (Takes bottle of milk.) Therel What did I tell you. She's a fine cow.
VILLAGE WOMAN #1: (Impressed.) I must admit I'm surprised. How much do you want for her?
JACK: One gold coin. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: One gold cojnl Have you lost your senses,
Jack? There isn't that much money left in the whole kingdoml I'll give you two copper pennies. ·
MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. JACK: I'm sure I can get more than that at the village square. It's
market day. VILLAGE WOMAN # l : The village square on market day is filled
with villains and rogues. You'd better do business with me. Two copper pennies and the cow is mine.
JACK: I could never sell Miss Priss so cheaply. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: Have it your way. She's a silly-looking cow,
anyway. If I were you I'd sell her to the butcher. She might make good hamburger meat. (Furious by the put-down, MISS PRISS kicks out her hind legs and butts VILLAGE WOMAN # 1
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(CHICKEN looks at JACK as if she can't believe what she sees. Then she looks into the audience.)
CHICKEN: Jack? JACK: (Amazed.) You can talk? (To audience.) It must be the altitude. CHICKEN: This is a terrible place, Jack. I wish I were back on the
farm. JACK: If I have my way, you will be. GIANT'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE RIGHT.) Lunchl I want my lunchl
I'm famished. (In a panic, CHICKEN begins to flap about the kitchen in hysterical fashion. JACK does his best to calm her.)
JACK: Calm down, calm down. I'm here. I won't let any harm come to you.
CHICKEN: I don't want to be a chicken pot pie. Squawkl Squawkl Squawk!
GIANT'S VOICE: My lunch! I want my lunch! CHICKEN: Did you hear that? He wants lunch! (CHICKEN, in a total
panic, screams and darts OUT, LEFT. Squawking madly.) SquawkSquawkSquawk ...
GIANT'S VOICE: (Drawing near. Loud.) Fee fi fo furn I smell the blood of an Englishmanl
JACK: (To audience.) Here I go again. (Hides, once more, in/behind the oven/stove.)
GIANT: (ENTERING.) Be he alive or be he dead I'll grind his bones to make my bread! Hahaha! (Sits at table, puts down club. Roars out.) Feed me! (/nstont/y. COOK RUNS IN with the platter of spaghetti and sets it before the GIANT. RUNS OUT. KITCHEN GIRL RUNS IN with the pie and sets it on the table. RUNS OUT. HOUSEKEEPER RUNS IN and steps to the stove, grabs a pan and cooks something -- so fast she looks like a video on fast-forward. If EXTRAS are used as additional KITCHEN HELPERS, they RUN IN witr. the food they carried at the Act's opening and .set it before the GIANT. RUN OUT. GOGMAGOG's table manners are disgraceful. He's a slob. He uses his hands and, when he's through with some bit of food, he tosses it over his shoulder. KITCHEN GIRL RUNS BACK IN with another platter, sets it on the table. She gathers up a dirty plate or two and moves to the dishware table and begins to wash them. NOTE: This sequence should resemble an old-time silent movie. If you have STROBE LIGHTS, use them. The "flickering" will add to the hilarity. The action is fast, fast, fast -HOUSEKEEPER is cooking insanely at the stove. KITCHEN GIRL is furiously washing and drying dirty plates [ii she needs more plates, she runs back to the table and gets them]. COOK RUNS
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VOICE: Andi GIANT: An Englishman, if you can find one! HOUSEKEEPER'S VOICE: Owl QUEEN: One day you'll be punished. GIANT: Silence! Otherwise, I shall raise your ransom to three bags
full, instead of two. Remember •• if your people don't pay up, you'll be known as Queen Blackbird Pie With Cinnamon Sprinkles!
QUEEN: You're not human. GIANT: (To audience.) Everybody knows that. (EXITS RIGHT.)
Hahaha! QUEEN: Alas, alack. What am I to do? (She sobs. JACK steps into
view.) JACK: No, no, Your Majesty. Tears won't help. QUEEN: (Surprised.) Who are you, young man? JACK: (Courtly bow.) Jack Spriggins, Your Majesty. A loyal subject.
My mother's name is Mrs. Spriggins and my sister's name is Susan.
QUEEN: I know Mrs. Spriggins. I knew your father before the Giant stole everything he had. Goodness, Jack, how did you get up here?
JACK: My magic beans grew a beanstalk. A beanstalk so high it reached here to the Giant's castle.
QUEEN: Beanstalk? (To audience.) What's he talking about? JACK: I intend to get rid of the Giant and rescue you. All you need
is patience, m'lady. QUEEN: What a brave boy you are, but you're not very practical. JACK: That's what my mother says. TROLL'S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Where are you, Queenie? QUEEN: It's the Troll. Quick! Hide. He mustn't see you, Jack. JACK: No problem. (JACK EXITS behind the oven/stove. Or, into
stove via door or side. TROLL ENTERS. Sees Queen. Points LEFT.) TROLL: You're not supposed to be roaming about the castle. Get
back to your cell, Good Queen Violet. QUEEN: (EXITS.) One day you'll be punished. TROLL: (Calls after her.) Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard that before.
(GIANT CHICKEN wanders IN from RIGHT.) CHICKEN: Cheep, cheep, cheep. TROLL: (Sees CHICKEN.) If I were you, Chicken, I'd be thinking
about golden eggs. Otherwise, tomorrow's menu will feature chicken pot pie. (EXITS after QUEEN.) Hee, hee, hee.
CHICKEN: (Upset.) Squawk! Squawk! Squawk! (JACK reappears.) JACK: Be quiet, Chicken. It's me. Jack. Don't you recognize me?
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.in her backside. Or single cow actor back-kicks.with one foot. NOTE: To do this, VILLAGE WOMAN # 1 must stand in such a way that kicl,cing at her with the cow legs is a fairly simple matter.) Qhl ,She kicked met (To audience.) Did you see than The cow kicked me!
JACK: She didn't like what you said about hamburger meat. VILLAGE WOMAN # 1: Who cares what a cow likes or doesn't like?
I'll get the Hrgh Sheriff, that's what I'll do. (She runs from the FORESTAGE or into the audience and up the aisle.) Sheriff! Sheriff! Arrest that cowl Arrest that cowl
MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. JACK: Now you've gone and done it. Aren't you ashamed of
yourself, Miss Priss? (In way of apology, MISS PR/SS brushes her head against JACK almost as if she were a kitten expecting a loving pat.)
MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. JACK: Spruce up, Miss Priss. I wont you to look your best. Bright
eyes. Head high, step lively. You're going to save the farm. At least for a little while. (Head high, stepping lively, MISS PRISS prances DOWN RIGHT on FORESTAGE. EXITS. JACK.is le� ONSTAGE holding the pint bottle of milk. He holds the bottle out to the front row.) Anybody out there care for a bottle of milk? Milk is very good for you. (Hopefully, someone in the audience will step forward and take the prop bottle. · If not, JACK keeps it and follows MISS PRISS calling out, ''Anybody want to buy a bottle of milk?" In either case, JACK EXITS.)
End of Scene Two
ACT ONE Scene Three
Village square. {The village square is nothing more than the open stage space (SEE PRODUCTION NOTES). If the curtain was closed for previous scene, it now opens. If the curtain wasn't used, JACK EXITS and VILLAGERS ENTER the open space from LEFT and RIGHT.] If you wish to use some EXTRAS they can be employed at this point as "shoppers" and/or "sellers." Or, you con use characters from ACT TWO. (HOUSEKEEPER, COOK, KITCHEN GIRL, QUEEN) One sells ribbons, another eggs, another might hold a toy goose under an arm. Flowers, etc. LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE and PRINCESS TULIP can also function as shoppers. Ditto for the TROLL and maybe, GIANT CHICKEN. VILLAGE WOMAN #2 has a troy of dipped apples with sticks. The tray is looped around her neck with thin rope.
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SELLERS: Who'll buy1 Who'll buy1 Ribbons. Apples. Bird for sale. (Etc.)
BUYERS: What are you selling1 What color1 Any pears1 How much1 (Etc.)
(HIGH SHERIFF ENTERS and walks about with exaggerated dignity, ringing a hand bell.)
HIGH SHERIFF: Market Day! Market Dayl Bargains galore! Help the economy of our poor village. Sell something, buy something. Buy something, sell something. (VILLAGE WOMAN #2 steps DOWNSTAGE, speaks to audience.)
VILlAGE WOMAN #2: Delicious. I have delicious here. Tasty apples dipped in sugary goo. It's goo for you. (She giggles, turns to HIGH SHERIFF.) Gooey apple, High Sheriff Dumdum1
HIGH SHERIFF: (Huffy.) Gooey apple, did you say? Certainly not. It wouldn't be dignified for a person of my high station to be seen with anything gooey. (He EXITS, calling out --) Market Day! Market Dayl Bargains galore! Buy something, sell something! (SUSAN ENTERS from RIGHT, steps to VILLAGE WOMAN #2.)
SUSAN: Have you seen my brother Jacki VILlAGE WOMAN #2: I'm afraid not. Buy a gooey apple? Dipped
in sugary goo. It's goo for you. SUSAN: I don't hove any money. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: (Sighs.) That's what everybody soys. What
the Giant doesn't take from us, the Princess must. Soon, we'll be no better than church mice.
SUSAN: Alas. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: (Moves OFF, LEFT.) Delicious. I have delicious
here. Tasty apples dipped in sugary goo. It's goo for you. (LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE moves to SUSAN.)
LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: Did I overhear correctly, girl1 SUSAN: (Curtsies.) M'lady? lADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: You mentioned someone named Jack. I
met such a lad only this morning. At the farm of Jack's mother. SUSAN: She's my mother, too. I'm Jack's sister, Susan. lADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: Isn't that nice ... (Mumble, mumble.) SUSAN: I beg your pardon? lADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: (Irritated.) Why is it people never seem to
understand what I say? What's the matter with them1 (Forcefully.) I said -- (Mumble, mumble. SUSAN doesn't
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· GIANT: Grrrrrrrrrl (He raises the club, as if to strike her down.Terrified, HOUSEKEEPER RUNS OUT, RIGHT.)
HOUSEKEEPER: Owl Look busy! (As she EXITS, COOK and KITCHENGIRL RUN BACK IN with the spaghetti and pie.)
COOK: Look busy!KITCHEN GIRL: Busy, busy! Look busy! (They hurry OUT. GIANT still
thinks there's an Englishman hiding somewhere in the castle. Lifts his nose toward the ceiling and sniffs again. Gives a low growl.)
GIANT: Grrrrrr. . , (He moves to table and grins as he looks into the pan.) Wigglewaggle. My favorite. (He dips his hand, which is more like a paw, into the pan and scoops up some Wigglewaggle. Eats.) Goooood. Wigglewaggle goooooood. (GOOD QUEEN VIOLET ENTERS, LEFT. To show that she's a prisoner, she holds a set of prison bars in front of her face. There are dangling chain$ on her wrists.)
QUEEN: There you are, you dreadful creature. Eating, as usual. They shouldn't call you Gogmagog. They should .call you Glutton.
GIANT: (Without turning. Eating more Wigglewaggle.) Queen Violet. Hee, hee, hee.
QUEEN: If I had an army, they'd have been here long ago to rescue me and defeat you.
GIANT: Well, you don't have an army. You couldn't pay a·n army if you had one. Your kingdom is almost penniless.
QUEEN: Thanks to you. You've ruined my land. You've impoverished my people. (Unseen by either the GIANT or QUEEN, JACK sticks his head from around the back of the oven [or opens oven door and pokes his head out].)
GIANT: Two bags of gold and you're free. QUEEN: Until the next time. Until you want more. And more and
more. Until there is nothing left to give. Haven't my people suffered enough?
GIANT: Hohahol QUEEN: I've known many giants in my time. Good, decent men
and women. But you are the first m giant I've met. And, I trust, the lost.
GIANT: (Roars out.) More Wigglewagglelll (VOICE of HOUSEKEEPER, COOK and KITCHEN GIRL echo back.)
VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE.) More Wigglewagglel GIANT: A side of mutton! A mountain of jam! Spaghetti! Pudding
and molasses! Celery sticks and pecans! Nut bread and lemon pie! A side of beef! Cheese and apples! And --
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to look here. (Looks at dishware table.) Ahal That's it. Under the table. Quick, Jack. Under the table. (JACK scurries under the table.)
JACK: I can barely fit under here. HOUSEKEEPER: That's no good, either. GIANT'S VOICE: (Strong and loud.) Fee fi fo fum
I smell the blood of an Englishman. HOUSEKEEPER: The oven. I'll put you in the oven. He never looks in
the oven. JACK: Is the oven hot? HOUSEKEEPER: Of course it's not hot. Do you think I want any
harm to come to my boy? Come on, Jack. Get out from under there. (She gives JACK a hand and he sc�rries from under the table.)
JACK: I'm not afraid of the Giant. HOUSEKEEPER: In that case, you've got a lot to learn. Don't
dawdle. (She pushes JACK UPSTAGE to the oven, and he steps behind the scenery flat. NOTE: If the table that represents the stove has a "door," HOUSEKEEPER can open it and JACK can "climb in." Or, JACK might enter from the side. Just in time, too. Because -- The GIANT ENTERS. He looks terribly threatening. Mean, cruel, dangerous. He holds a large dub and always seems ready to use it. [Club can be a baseball bat, but wrapped with foam rubber and placed inside a dark pillowcase.] As he walks about, he sniffs at the air. Crosses to dinner table, crosses DOWN LEFT, sniffs at dishware table.)
GIANT: Fee fi fo fum I smell the blood of an Englishman.
HOUSEKEEPER: (Lightly, fussing at her bonnet.) You're always saying that, Gogmagog.
GIANT: Be he alive or be he dead I'll grind his bones to make my bread.
HOUSEKEEPER: Speaking of bread, would you like me to fix you a sandwich?
GIANT: (Sniffs.) I tell you there's an Englishman somewhere in this castle.
HOUSEKEEPER: No, no, Gogmagog. Not an Englishman. An English woman. Good Queen Violet.
GIANT: (Suspicious.) Hmmmmm. HOUSEKEEPER: (Casually.) I hate to bring this up, Gogrpagog. It's
about my salary. I haven't been paid in years, y 'know. I'vebeen thinking of opening up a fish and chips shop. I'm famous for my Tartar Sauce. (GIANT roars out his anger.)
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understand a word, but decides not to push the point. Settlesfor --.)
SUSAN: Oh. (LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE holds out the ransom bag.) LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: Something to help rescue Good Queen
Violet? SUSAN: I have nothing. That's why I'm here. My brother is selling
Miss Priss. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her. LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: Miss Priss? SUSAN: The cow. LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: I see. Well, in that case, I must be off. I
must get more contributions for the ransom. It's so important because -- (The "because" is followed by an impossible flood of mumbles. SUSAN does her best to understand the mumbles, but it's hopeless. Finally --.) Don't you agree?
SUSAN: (Not knowing what else to say.) Yes, yes. I agree. Completely.
LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: I thought you would. (She starts to EXIT LEFT. Stumbles.) Oops. (She recovers, OUT. [NOTE: While SUSAN and LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE have been conversing, OTHERS wander OFF, LEFT and RIGHT. BEAN-SELLER, a mysterious-looking fellow or lady in a long cape and a hat with a feather, ENTERS RIGHT, moves DOWN.])
SUSAN: (To audience.) Maybe Jack and Miss Priss are coming from the other side of the village. (She EXITS LEFT as HIGH SHERIFF returns, ringing the hand bell.)
HIGH SHERIFF: Market Day! Market Day! Bargains galore! Help the economy of our poor village. Buy something! Sell something! (To BEAN-SELLER.) You there.
BEAN-SELLER: Me, sir? HIGH SHERIFF: You, sir [madam], I don't know you. BEAN-SELLER: Look at it this way -- I don't know you, either. We're
even. I am new to these parts. Passing through. HIGH SHERIFF: Well, I've got my eyes on you. I don't like strangers. BEAN-SELLER: That's notvery neighborly. HIGH SHERIFF: If you ask me, that's the trouble with the world
today. Too many neighbors. (Looks upward, meaning the GIANT.) Especially, "big" neighbors. Big, big, b.isl neighbors.
BEAN-SELLER: (Looks upward.) You mean Gogmagog? HIGH SHERIFF: (Reacts.) How's that? BEAN-SELLER: Gogmagog. The Giant. HIGH SHERIFF: (Nervous.) Speak softly, stranger. Speak softly. We
don't like to mention the Giant in this village. BEAN-SELLER: I don't see how you can avoid it. Especially since
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Gogmagog has stolen your Queen. HIGH SHERIFF: (Suspicious.) You seem to know a great deal about
us. Perhaps I should slap you in irons. You could be a spy. BEAN-SELLER: Who would I be spying for? HIGH SHERIFF: How should I know? That's what makes you
dangerous . . BEAN-SELLER: I'm not dangerous, High Sheriff Dumdum. I am a
simple seller of beans. HIGH SHERIFF: Beans? BEAN-SELLER: (Confirms.) Beans. HIGH SHERIFF: I don't like beans and I don't like apples dipped in
goo. (JACK ENTERS from RIGHT with MISS PRISS. Sings out --.) JACK: Cow for sale! Cow for salel (Some of the VILLAGERS return,
stand in background. Not to include PRINCESS TULIP, TROLL or CHICKEN.)
BEAN-SELLER: Perhaps this lad would like to buy some beans. HIGH SHERIFF: Him? Jack? Hal Hasn't a copper to his name. I,
myself, am auctioning off his mother's farm in the morning. JACK: Cow for sale! Cow for sale! MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000.JACK: Would you like to buy a cow, High Sheriff Dumdum? HIGH SHERIFF: Buy a cow?! A person of my esteem? Certainly not.
I don't buy gooey apples and I don't buy beans and I � buy cows! (ONLOOKERS laugh. HIGH SHERIFF joins them. Thus, ONLOOKERS form something of a semi-circle UPSTAGE. BEAN-SELLER stands to one side.)
JACK: Don't be discouraged, Miss Priss. Remember -- we're all counting on you.
MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000. JACK: Bright eyes, head high. Step lively. (If possible, th� COW bats
her eyelashes. Holds her head high and steps lively in place -as if she were doing a brief tap dance. JACK leads her about the square, showing her off. Although she's a bit clumsy, MISS PRISS does her best to look magnificent. JACK sings, more-or-less, or chants.) Cow, cow, cow for sole Who will buy this lovely tail? A dainty miss Is our sweet Priss Never spills a single drop Never need to use a mop Cow, cow, cow for sale Cow, cow, cow for sale.
ONLOOKERS: Cow, cow, cow for sale.
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KITCHEN GIRL: Shredded red cabbage. COOK: Half a pound of licorice and a stick of peanut butter. HOUSEKEEPER: Then you add a cup of melted chocolate. KITCHEN GIRL: A can of pineapple syrup and a box of raisins. COOK: A tablespoon of castor oil. KITCHEN GIRL: Some gopher tails. HOUSEKEEPER: And just a "pinch" of red pepper. Wigglewaggle is
nothing to sneeze at. (JACK puffs out his cheeks. He may be ill.) COOK: Jack is a nice name. I mean, if you have to have a name. JACK: G-g-g-g-lad you like it. HOUSEKEEPER: My very own boy. (To COOK and KITCHEN GIRL.)
My boy came here by way of a beanstalk. OTHERS: Beanstalk? COOK: I don't know what Gogmagog will say when he finds out
there's a beanstalk in the area. KITCHEN GIRL: We won't tell him. HOUSEKEEPER: That's a good idea. (To audience.) Why didn't I
think of that? We won't tell him. (Suddenly, the STAGE DARKENS. There's a great RUMBLING SOUND, as if some gigantic beast were nearing the kitchen. We hear the GIANT's VOICE. NOTE: If you have the equipment, we might hear the GIANT's VOICE MAGNIFIED BY THE SOUND SYSTEM.)
GIANT'S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Fee fi fo furn I smell the blood of an Englishman.
KITCHEN GIRL: It's himl COOK: Gogmagogl HOUSEKEEPER: The Giant! KITCHEN GIRL: He frightens me sol COOK: Me, too! KITCHEN GIRL: (Runs around in a panic.) What'II we do! What'II we
do! Fat's in the fire, and I'm feeling blue. HOUSEKEEPER: Look busy. COOK: That's it! (To KITCHEN GIRL.) Look busy. (COOK flees
RIGHI) KITCHEN GIRL: Busy. Look busy. (Follows COOK.) GIANT'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE LEFT. Strong and loud.) Be he
alive or be he dead I'll grind his bones to make my bread!
JACK: (Jumps up, alarmed.) He's not going to grind my bones! HOUSEKEEPER: Owl (To audience.) I must hide my boy before the
Giant sees him. Where? Where? Any suggestions? (Audience reaction. HOUSEKEEPER points DOWN LEFT.) There!· (HOUSEKEEPER yanks JACK DOWN LEFT.) No good. He's sure
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KITCHEN GIRL: Wigglewaggle, Wigglewaggle. Yum, yum, yum. JACK: (Squirming.) Auuugh, eeck, ooo, glu, ugh ... HOUSEKEEPER: Funnel. COOK: Funnel. KITCHEN GIRL: Funnel. (COOK hands funnel to KITCHEN GIRL, who
hands it to HOUSEKEEPER, who promptly sticks the spout end into poor JACK's open mouth. She continues to spoon more and more Wigglewaggle into the funnel. NOTE: There is actually nothing in the pan, of course. But JACK must struggle as if more and more of the vile stuff were being shoved down his throat. His eyes bug out.)
HOUSEKEEPER: He's doing nicely, I think. I'm famous for my Wigglewaggle.
KITCHEN GIRL: Try the pudding. COOK: Yes, the pudding. HOUSEKEEPER: Ow! Why not? The pudding it is. (Finished with the
Wigglewaggle, HOUSEKEEPER picks up the bowl she was working with when we first met her. Spoons pudding into funnel. Again, there is nothing in the bowl, but the actor playing JACK must pretend to "swallow.")
COOK: Are you fattening him up for Gogmagog? HOUSEKEEPER: Certainly not. What a thing to say. He's my boy. My
own little boy. KITCHEN GIRL: Has he got a name? HOUSEKEEPER: Mercy! I don't know. Why don't we ask him? COOK: Let's (HOUSEKEEPER puts down the bowl and spoon.
COOK removes funnel. KITCHEN GIRL releases her grip.) HOUSEKEEPER: You got a name, boy? JACK: (Blurts it out in desperation.) .l.atkl OTHERS: (Pleased with the sound of it.) Jack. COOK: Did you enjoy the Wigglewaggle? JACK: (Lies.) Yes. Thank you. It was, uh, "tasty." HOUSEKEEPER: He's a gourmet. Isn't that marvelous? (To be polite,
JACK forces himself to smile.) My boy is a gourmet. Owl (JACK breathes deeply, waves his hand in front of his mouth.)
JACK: The pudding was hot and the Wigglewaggle was cold. COOK: Then something got mixed up. KITCHEN GIRL: It's the pudding that's supposed to be cold and the
Wigglewaggle that's supposed to be hot. (JACK is still trying to catch his breath. All that stuffing with pudding and Wigglewaggle has worn him out.)
JACK: (Not sure he wants to know.) What's in Wigglewaggle? COOK: You start out with the head of a large fish.
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MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000. (OPTIONAL cow DANCE: JACK might pluck a flute or harmonica from his costume and pretend to play. Or clap his hands in rhythm. MISS PRISS, to show what a clever cow she is, "dances." At the end of the dance, ONLOOKERS applaud. END OPTIONAL COW DANCE. JACK speaks to one VILLAGER after another.)
JACK: Buy a beautiful cow, madam? Buy a wonderful cow, sir? A good and loyal companion. (One by one, VILLAGERS shake heads "no.") She'll never be any trouble. Honest. (VILLAGERS turn their backs and silently converse with one another. JACK and MISS PRISS are glum.)
BEAN-SELLER: You there, lad. JACK: Sir [madam]? BEAN-SELLER: Let me get a closer look at that cow. (Happily, MISS
PRISS and JACK step to BEAN-SELLER.) JACK: (The salesman.) She's alwQys been a fine cow. She produces
the finest milk and makings for cheese. She's a good watch-cow; too.
BEAN-SELLER: Never mind about that. I can see you are a lad who loves adventure.
JACK: (To audience.) That's amazing! I never told anyone before. It's always been my secret.
BEAN-SELLER: I can see that you're a lad who believes in -· "possibilities."
JACK: (To audience.) True. I've always believed in possibilities. BEAN-SELLER: I will buy your cow, but I won't insult you by offering
money. JACK: I wouldn't be insulted. (BEAN-SELLER takes out a small pouch.) BEAN-SELLER: Inside this pouch are beans. JACK: Beans? (VILLAGERS, as one, tu:-n about.) VILLAGERS: Beans???!!! BEAN-SELLER: With these beans I will buy the cow. VILLAGERS: Hahahg! JACK: I could never sell Miss Priss for beans. BEAN-SELLER: What is your name, boy? JACK: Jack. Jack Spriggins. And my sister's name is Susan. And my
mother's name is Mrs. Spriggins. BEAN-SELLER:. Well, Jack Spriggins. I know you love adventure and I
know you believe in "possibilities." So, you'll understand when I say the five beans inside the pouch are -- magic beans.
JACK: Magic beans. (To audience.) ':/.f!JyJ_I VILLAGERS: Magic beans. Hahaha! JACK: You mean you'll give me those magic beans for the cow?
17
BEAN-SELLER: You have but to say "deal" and a deal it is. JACK: Oh, my, magic beans! Plain beans wouldn't mean anything,
but� beansl1 (Hugs the cow.) Goodbye, Miss Priss. You're doing a wonderful thing and I'll never forget you.
MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: The boy's a simpleton. He talks to a cow. ANOTHER VILLAGER: And the cow talks back. VILLAGERS: Hahahal BEAN-SELLER: It's a deal? JACK: Deal. (BEAN-SELLER and JACK shake hands.) BEAN-SELLER: Here are the magic beans. I'll take the cow.
(BEAN-SELLER hands JACK the pouch. Next, he takes hold of the cow and leads her OFF, LEFT.)
MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000. JACK: (Waves.) Goodbye, Miss Priss. Goodbye. Be a good girl. MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000. A VILLAGER: Jack Spriggins should be locked up. ANOTHER VILLAGER: What a dunce. STILL ANOTHER: I feel sorry for his poor mother! A VILLAGER: And his poor sister. STILL ANOTHER: And his cow. ALL: Magic beans? Hahahal (VILLAGERS EXIT RIGHT and LEFT.
JACK hasn't heard them because he has busily been investigating the beans in the pouch. [NOTE: At this point JACK can step DOWNSTAGE, onto the FORESTAGE, and the CURTAIN will close behind him. Thus, the FORESTAGE becomes "the road" again. Or, if a curtain is not being used, the Cottage Door is positioned as it was at the ploy's beginning.])
End of Scene Three
ACT ONE Scene Four
The road.
JACK: (Counting.) One magic bean. Two magic beans. Three magic beans. Four magic beans. Five magic beans. (TROLL ENTERS from EXTREME DOWN RIGHT or STAGE RIGHT.)
TROLL: What are you doing? What are you up to? (Quickly, JACK puts the beans back into the pouch.)
JACK: None of your business. TROLL: Insolent boy. Why ore you so confident? JACK: (Recalls the words of the BEAN-SELLER.) Because, because --
1 love adventure and I hove a sense of -· "possibilities."
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HOUSEKEEPER: And the beanstalk grew all the way from down there to all the way up here?
JACK: Yes, ma'am. HOUSEKEEPER: Owl Isn't that wonderful! What will they think of
next? JACK: You seem to be a very nice person to be married to the Giant. HOUSEKEEPER: Owl (Laughs.) Bless me, son. You are confused. I'm
not the Giant's wife. I'm the Giant's housekeeper. Although people are always mistaking me for his wife. He's a bachelor gentleman.
JACK: I intend to get rid of the Giant. Or, if that's not possible, I intend to free Good Queen Violet.
HOUSEKEEPER: Don't involve me. I never have anything to do with politics. (The food.) Looks ready. (She takes the pan to the table and sets it down.)
JACK: What is it? HOUSEKEEPER: Wigglewaggle. It's Gogmagog's favorite. (JACK
looks. An expression of distaste crosses his face.) JACK: (To audience.) Yucky. HOUSEKEEPER: Bon appetite. JACK: I don't care for any, thank you. HOUSEKEEPER: Nonsense, son. You've got to keep up your
strength. (With that, she dips the spatula deep into the pan.) Open.
JACK: I said I didn't care for any, thank you. HOUSEKEEPER: Mother knows best. Open. JACK: But you're not my mother -- (Since his mouth is open,
HOUSEKEEPER shovels in the food. JACK doesn't like this one bit.)
HOUSEKEEPER: Wider. Open wider. Let me see the bottom of the well. (More Wigglewaggle. JACK is practically choking. Tries to resist, waves his hands to signal "no more.") .Elmrutl!
COOK'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE.) .Elmrutl! (COOK RUN S IN and crosses to dishware table, snatches up the funnel.)
HOUSEKEEPER: Wigglewaggle will keep my boy healthy and wise. (Yells.) Where's that funnel!
COOK: (Yelling back.) Where's that funnel? KITCHEN GIRL'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE.) Where's that funnel!
(COOK runs over with the funnel. KITCHEN GIRL ENTERS and runs to the table. Pulls at JACK's hair, tilting his head back.)
JACK: Ugh, glu, ooo, eeck; auuuugh ... HOUSEKEEPER: Wigglewaggle, Wigglewaggle. Yum, yum, yum. COOK: Wigglewaggle, Wigglewaggle. Yum, yum, yum.
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HOUSEKEEPER: Gogmagog. JACK: I'll call him "Giant." Makes things easier. HOUSEKEEPER: Owl You'd better get out of here if you don't want
to end up in the soup. JACK: Would he really do that? HOUSEKEEPER: Indeed, he would. Scares me half to death, he
does. Always stomping about, calling out -- Fee, 6, fo fum. I smell the blood of an Englishman.
JACK: I'm an Englishman. Or, at least -- an English boy. HOUSEKEEPER: (Hands up, delighted.) So you are. A boy, a boyl
An English boy. I always wanted a boy of my very own. We'll play checkers'. Owl (She grabs JACK and pulls him close, practically smothering him in the process.)
JACK: I -- can't -- breathe. HOUSEKEEPER: (Hugging him relentlessly.) A boy! A boy! A boy of
my very own! (KITCHEN GIRL RUNS IN with her pie.) KITCHEN GIRL: (Voice loud and strong.) Food, food for the Giant!
Mutton to boil And beef to broil! Cakes for tea None for me! It's all for the Giant! The Giant! The Giant! (She's OUT.)
JACK: (Desperately trying to free himself.) Let me go, please. Please, let me go ...
HOUSEKEEPER: Of course, of course, my boy. (She loosens her grip and poor JACK gasps for breath, spinning around a couple of times.) I'll make you shirts and buckles for your shoes. Poor boy, you must be starved. Where did you come from? Where are you going? When's your birthday? Do you know any riddles? Sit down, sit down. (JACK moves to table, sits.)
JACK: Thank you. I came from the village. HOUSEKEEPER: The village below? JACK: Yes, ma'am. HOUSEKEEPER: Call me Mother. (She goes to stove and begins to
fuss with this and that. Grabs a frying pan and spatula. Cooks.) JACK: (To audience.) But I've already got a mother. HOUSEKEEPER: A boy can never have enough mothers. JACK: I never knew that. HOUSEK�EPER: Now you do. How did you get up here? In the
bucket? JACK: Beanstalk. HOUSEKEEPER: Beanstalk? JACK� Yes. I grew a beanstalk with some magic beans.
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TROLL: (To audience.) Whatever that's supposed to mean. (To JACK.) How I wish I had you -- (Points skyward.) Up there. In the Giant's castle. You'd soon change your tune. Smothered in mashed potatoes and applesauce.
JACK: I'm not afraid of you. TROLL: If you're not, you're the only one in this village who isn't.
Hee, hee, hee. (Hops about.) Fee 6 fo fuml (Stops, points to pouch.) What's that you're holding?
JACK: Beans. TROLL: Beans? JACK: You heard me. TROLL: How many beans? JACK: five. TROLL: five beans? Bah. What can you do with five beans? five
beans would be of no use on the Giant's dinner table. JACK: What have you done with the chicken? TROLL: I sent it up in the bucket. BOTH: (To audience.) A bucket of chicken. TROLL: I can't waste time talking to a foolish boy. I must be about
my chores. The Giant will soon be awake. (Moves DOWN RIGHT, turns.) One day I'll get even with you for your rudeness. (He wiggles his fingers in threatening fashion, hisses. JACK slams down his foot;)
JACK: ,S,tatl TROLL: Auuuuuuugh. (TROLL scurries OFF.) JACK: (To audience.) Trolls don't like sudden noises. SUSAN'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE, DOWN LEFT.) Jacki Jacki JACK: (To audience.) It's Susan. (SUSAN RUNS IN.) SUSAN: I've been looking everywhere for you, Jack. I wanted to say
goodbye to Miss Priss. JACK: Too late, I'm afraid. I sold her. SUSAN: (Disappointed.) Oh. Who bought the cow? JACK: A mysterious stranger:. I never saw him [her] in the village
before. SUSAN: (Eager.) How much did you get? Enough to stop the
auction? JACK: Better than that. SUSAN: A handful of pennies? JACK: Think big. SUSAN: One gold coin? Is such a thing possible? JACK: Better still. SUSAN: You don't mean -- bm gold coins? JACK: Better yet.
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SUSAN: (Overwhelmed.) It's not possible! Three gold coins! JACK: See for yourself. (He holds out the pouch and SUSAN
excitedly grabs it away. She opens the pouch and looks inside. Her face registers surprise and disappointment. She looks for a moment longer and, then, stares blankly into the audience. Thinking she's wrong about the pouch's contents, she checks again.)
SUSAN: What's this? JACK: (Boosting.) Beans. SUSAN: (Flat.) Beans. JACK: Magic beans. SUSAN: (Flatter still.) Magic beans. JACK: Five magic beans. SUSAN: (Sour.) Five magic beans. (Moans.) What have you done?
You've sold Miss Priss for five stupid beans. JACK: They're not stupid. They're magic. (SUSAN gives him back
the pouch.) SUSAN: You keep them. I never want to see these stupid things
again. What will Mother say? You're going to break her heart. Jack, how could you? (SUSAN turns and EXITS DOWN LEFT. Her VOICE continues to be heard after her departure.)
SUSAN'S VOICE: What did I ever do to deserve a brother like you? You sold the cow for nothing. For nothing! Five stupid beans ...
JACK: (Calls after her.) Think of the possibilities. Anyone can have money. But magic beans are something special.
SUSAN'S VOICE: Five stupid beans --JACK: Come back, Susan. You don't understand. Let me explain.
Come back! SUSAN'S VOICE: Beans! (JACK RUNS OUT after SUSAN.)
End of Scene Four
ACT ONE Scene Five
The farm.
At Rise: SCARECROW GIRL is discovered back in place as the CURTAIN OPENS. Or, if no curtain is used, walks out and takes the same spot she had in Scene One.
SCARECROW GIRL: Considering how bad things are, I wonder why we don't catch the birds I scare away. Ho-hum. Tomorrow's auction day. Out of work, one Scarecrow Girl. (SUSAN RUNS IN from LEFT.)
SUSAN: Mother, Mother!
20
Sauce" or some-such. A giant knife. HOUSEKEEPER is standing CENTER with a large bowl under one arm. She's whipping up pudding with a spoon. She wears a silly bonnet on her head, apron. Her cheeks are over-rouged and there's red on the tip of her nose. MUSIC OUT.)
HOUSEKEEPER: (Voice loud and strong.) Mercy! What an appetite that Giant hast He's a bottomless pit. He can eat a whole cow at one sitting. When he says "I'm hungry enough to eat a horse" -- he means it. (Moves about, stirring the bowl's contents.) Soups and broths. Sausages and pigs feet. Barrels of chili and tubs of squash. Eggs and ham, turkeys and yams. (Still carrying the plate of spaghetti, COOK RUNS IN from one side of the kitchen and EXITS out the other. KITCHEN GIRL, pie on platter, RUNS IN from the opposite direction and OUT. If ExrRAS have been used, they, too, RUN IN and OFF. AsHOUSEKEEPER babbles on, JACK comes from the REAR of the auditorium and walks down an aisle, RIGHT. Looks about in amazement, since he is "in the clouds." Eventually, he stands on the FORESTAGE, EXTREME DOWN RIGHT. HOUSEKEEPER, more and more frantic.) Oceans of shrimp and swamps of fondue! Pineapple upside-down cake and elephant stew! Vanilla glaze and mozzarella dip! Filet of sole and cherry flip! Tuna casserole and Burgundy sauce. Minted green peas and vegetable toss! Throw them on the table and call the boss! (Thoroughly exhausted by her frantic stirring, she tosses the bowl and spoon onto the table and sighs. Wipes the perspiration from her brow with the hem of her apron. JACK raps a knuckle against the STAGE WALL.)
JACK: Hello, hello. HOUSEKEEPER: (Lowers apron.) What was that? (Listens, nothing.)
My imagination, I guess. (Again, JACK knocks.) JACK: Anybody home? I should like.to come in. (HOUSEKEEPER
stares in disbelief as JACK steps from FORESTAGE into the kitchen. HOUSEKEEPER scurries CENTER.)
HOUSEKEEPER: Bless met It's a boy. Ow! JACK: (Bravely.) I should like a few words with the Giant, if you
'don't mind. HOUSEKEEPER: With the Giant, you say? Don't be ridiculous.
Gogmagog never has visitors. (COOK RUNS BACK IN.) COOK: No visitors. Gogmagog never has visitors. No visitors.
(She's OUT.) JACK: I have some harsh words to say to -- what did you say.Jiis
name was?
25
as kitchen workers.
COOK: (Skipping down the aisle. Loud and strong voice.) Food, food for the Giant!
KITCHEN GIRL: (Skipping, loud voice.) Food, food for the Giant! OTHERS: (Skipping, loud voices.) Food, food for the Giant! COOK: He'll never be tall and thin
With sauce all over his chin! KITCHEN GIRL: Mutton to boil
And beef to broill COOK: Cakes for tea
None for mel KITCHEN GIRL: Pies to see
Not for mel ALL: (Chanting.) It's all for the Giantl l The Giantl l The Giantl l
(COOK, KITCHEN GIRL, OTHERS EXIT via SIDE STAGE DOORS, or up onto the FORESTAGE and OUT EXTREME DOWN LEFT and EXTREME DOWN RIGHT. A few seconds after COOK and KITCHEN GIRL start down the auditorium aisle, BEAN-SELLER ENTERS. He {or she] passes out "beans" to some of the youngsters in the audience {see production notes], muttering softly "Beans. Magic beans. Think of the possibilities. Beans here. Magic beans." If the ACTOR(S) who portrayed the COW in ACT ONE have not been utilized as extra kitchen helpers, they might accompany the BEAN-SELLER in their role of MISS PRISS. BEAN-SELLER {and MISS PRISS] eventually EXIT via SIDE DOOR or FORESTAGE. MUSIC UP. LIGHTS FLASH ON THE CURTAIN and they OPEN to reveal -- THE KITCHEN IN THE GIANT'S CASTLE. Very simple. The basics: UPSTAGE there's a painted scenic FLAT {can be the reverse side of the scenic FLAT(S) used in ACT ONE. Painted on the flat is the top part of a huge stove or oven. Maybe some pots and pans, too. In front of the flat is a "cooking stove" {table covered with paper]. To the RIGHT side of the stove is a small table with pots and pans, spoons, whisks, various cooking utensils. Suggestion of a wall UP RIGHT and UP LEFT. DOWN LEFT there's a dishware table with cups and saucers and plates, a basin for washing, towel. DOWN RIGHT there's a large table with a stool behind it. NOTE: Technically, everything should be "oversized" for the GIANT. However, this is rather difficult for most groups. Consequently, paint a pail white or red and this becomes the GIANT's "cup." A large cutout of a ketchup bottle on the table will look good, as will another large {cutout] bottle for "A-1
24
SCARECROW GIRL: Hello, Susan. SUSAN: I can't talk now, Scarecrow Girl. SCARECROW GIRL: Why not? SUSAN: Something terrible has happened. SCARECROW GIRL: The Giant's come to earth? SUSAN: Worse. SCARECROW GIRL: The Troll's back? SUSAN: Worse, worse. Mother! SCARECROW GIRL: (To audience.) This sounds serious. (MOTHER
ENTERS from cottage door, or from. behind cottage facade.) MOTHER: For goodness sake, Susan. Why all the shouting? Has
something happened? SUSAN: Jacki MOTHER: (Alarmed.) Something's happened to Jacki (Runs about in
a state of panic.) Jacki Jacki My boyl My son! SUSAN: Calm down, Mother. Nothing's happened to Jack. SCARECROW GIRL: He's all right? SUSAN: He's fine. It's Miss Priss. MOTHER: I told Jack to sell the cow. What else could I do?
(Worried.) Don't tell me he wasn't able to sell Miss Priss1 SUSAN: (Frowns.) He sold the cow. MOTHER: That's a relief. Things being so bad everywhere because
of the Giant, I was afrc:iid he wouldn't find a customer. SUSAN: He found one. MOTHER: How much did Miss Priss fetch? SCARECROW GIRL: Enough to hold off the auction? MOTHER: Enough to buy some food? JACK'S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Susan! Susan! SUSAN: I'd better let him tell you. (JACK RUNS IN, out of brec;,th.) MOTHER: Jacki SCARECROW GIRL: Hello, Jack. MOTHER: I'm so pleased, son. Your sister told me the good news.
You sold the cow. JACK: Yes, Mother. MOTHER: How much did she bring? (Proudly, believing his mother
will be pleased, JACK crosses to her. He holds the pouch.) JACK: See for yourself. Put out your hand. SUSAN: (To audience.) I don't want to watch this. (She looks away.) MOTHER: (Holds out her hand.) If yo.u only got three copper
pennies, I'll be satisfied. JACK: Better than copper pennies, Mother. Much better. (He shakes
the beans onto her hand. MOTHER looks at them. Long pause, then . . . )
21
MOTHER: What's this? JACK: (Proudly.) Beans. SCARECROW GIRL: Beans? SUSAN: Five beans. MOTHER: .(Bewildered.) Five beans? JACK: Five magk beans. MOTHER: Magic beans? (Suddenly, it dawns.) Jack, do you mean to
tell me you sold our only thing of value for -SUSAN/SCARECROW GIRL: (Flat.) Five magic beans. MOTHER: Beans! Beans! How could you, Jack? (Steps to audience.)
What's a mother to do with a boy like this? He's always had too much imagination. And this is where imagination has gotten us. Empty tum-turns and no place to call home.
JACK: But, Mother. They're magk. MOTHER: (Angry.) Magic? Magic, you say. Well, if these beans are
magic, what can they do? JACK: (Don't know.) Uh, uh -- that's a good question. SUSAN: Which means you don't know what those beans can do. SCARECROW GIRL: You've been swindled. SUSAN: Swindled! MOTHER: (Furious.) Magic beans! Magic beans! Here's what I think
of your miserable magic beans. (In contempt, she tosses the beans UPSTAGE. Then -- BLACKOUT. WEIRD MUSIC PLAYED VERY FAST. VOICES IN THE DARK.)
SUSAN'S VOICE: What's happened to the sun? SCARECROW GIRL'S VOICE: Why is it so dark? MOTHER'S VOICE: I'm frightened. JACK'S VOICE: What's that noise?. SUSAN'S VOICE: Get the High Sheriff! ALL: Help! (The MUSIC FADES and the LIGHTS DIM UP -- with a
GREENISH GLOW, if possible. VILLAGE WOMAN # 1 and VILLAGE WOMAN #2, LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE, PRINCESS TULIP, HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM ENTER the scene, excited. The cause of the uproar is a large beanstalk that's sprouted from the ground during the BLACKOUT, UPSTAGE. [NOTE: The beanstalk is a step ladder completely covered with green vines and leaves.])
VILLAGE WOMAN #1: What's happened? VILLAGE WOMAN #2: What can it be? PRINCESS: Sounded as if the earth were splitting in two. LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: The Princess is right. Sounded like the
earth -- (Mumble, mumble.) HIGH SHERIFF: (Notices.) Where did that beanstalk come from? It
22
doesn't look legal. (ALL look, react. Gasp.) JACK: (Eagerly.) It must have been the magic beans. (Jumps to
beanstalk.) It's still growing. (Points to sky.) It's going to reach to the clouds. I know it. (Thrilled.) Come on, everyone! This is our .big chance. We'll climb the beanstalk and get rid of the Giant.
PRINCESS: If that were only possible. HIGH SHERIFF: The boy's mad. PRINCESS: No, Jack, you mustn't. You don't know what else is up
there. JACK: All the more reason to climb the beanstalk. Who's with me?
(Everyone takes a step backward.) In that case, I'll climb myself. (Foot on ladder.) Ready or not, Giant, here comes Jack Spriggins! (JACK starts up the ladder as OTHERS crowd around the beanstalk.)
AD LIBS: No, Jack! Nol Come down from there! Don't do itl You'll end up on the Giant's dinner plate! Come back, Jack!
MOTHER: My son, my son! (JACK continues to climb.) End of Act One
[NOTE: At this point, there will be an INTERMISSION, which is a good idea because it will allow time to set up the GIANT'S kitchen and give the audience a chance to stretch its legs and buy some refreshments in the lobby. However, if you wish, the play can be performed as a long one-acter. Continuous action.]
ACT TWO The kitchen in the GIANT's castle.
PRIOR TO CURTAIN: LIVELY MUSIC. From the BACK OF THE AUDITORIUM come COOK aAd KITCHEN GIRL. Each carries a large platter. On the COOK's platter is a coil of rope covered with red paint to suggest spaghetti. On the KITCHEN GIRL's platter is a large cream pie [shaving cream in a tin plate). OPTIONAL EXTRAS: Can be utilized here as additional kitchen workers. They wear chef caps c;md aprons, as do COOK and KITCHEN GIRL. They also carry large platters of prop food. For example: circular cheese, fruit, huge loaf of bread. One might carry in a basket of oversized garden vegetables, etc. CONSIDERATION: In lieu of EXTRAS, the ACTORS who played the COW in ACT ONE might double here
23
MOTHER: What's this? JACK: (Proudly.) Beans. SCARECROW GIRL: Beans? SUSAN: Five beans. MOTHER: .(Bewildered.) Five beans? JACK: Five magk beans. MOTHER: Magic beans? (Suddenly, it dawns.) Jack, do you mean to
tell me you sold our only thing of value for -SUSAN/SCARECROW GIRL: (Flat.) Five magic beans. MOTHER: Beans! Beans! How could you, Jack? (Steps to audience.)
What's a mother to do with a boy like this? He's always had too much imagination. And this is where imagination has gotten us. Empty tum-turns and no place to call home.
JACK: But, Mother. They're magk. MOTHER: (Angry.) Magic? Magic, you say. Well, if these beans are
magic, what can they do? JACK: (Don't know.) Uh, uh -- that's a good question. SUSAN: Which means you don't know what those beans can do. SCARECROW GIRL: You've been swindled. SUSAN: Swindled! MOTHER: (Furious.) Magic beans! Magic beans! Here's what I think
of your miserable magic beans. (In contempt, she tosses the beans UPSTAGE. Then -- BLACKOUT. WEIRD MUSIC PLAYED VERY FAST. VOICES IN THE DARK.)
SUSAN'S VOICE: What's happened to the sun? SCARECROW GIRL'S VOICE: Why is it so dark? MOTHER'S VOICE: I'm frightened. JACK'S VOICE: What's that noise?. SUSAN'S VOICE: Get the High Sheriff! ALL: Help! (The MUSIC FADES and the LIGHTS DIM UP -- with a
GREENISH GLOW, if possible. VILLAGE WOMAN # 1 and VILLAGE WOMAN #2, LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE, PRINCESS TULIP, HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM ENTER the scene, excited. The cause of the uproar is a large beanstalk that's sprouted from the ground during the BLACKOUT, UPSTAGE. [NOTE: The beanstalk is a step ladder completely covered with green vines and leaves.])
VILLAGE WOMAN #1: What's happened? VILLAGE WOMAN #2: What can it be? PRINCESS: Sounded as if the earth were splitting in two. LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: The Princess is right. Sounded like the
earth -- (Mumble, mumble.) HIGH SHERIFF: (Notices.) Where did that beanstalk come from? It
22
doesn't look legal. (ALL look, react. Gasp.) JACK: (Eagerly.) It must have been the magic beans. (Jumps to
beanstalk.) It's still growing. (Points to sky.) It's going to reach to the clouds. I know it. (Thrilled.) Come on, everyone! This is our .big chance. We'll climb the beanstalk and get rid of the Giant.
PRINCESS: If that were only possible. HIGH SHERIFF: The boy's mad. PRINCESS: No, Jack, you mustn't. You don't know what else is up
there. JACK: All the more reason to climb the beanstalk. Who's with me?
(Everyone takes a step backward.) In that case, I'll climb myself. (Foot on ladder.) Ready or not, Giant, here comes Jack Spriggins! (JACK starts up the ladder as OTHERS crowd around the beanstalk.)
AD LIBS: No, Jack! Nol Come down from there! Don't do itl You'll end up on the Giant's dinner plate! Come back, Jack!
MOTHER: My son, my son! (JACK continues to climb.) End of Act One
[NOTE: At this point, there will be an INTERMISSION, which is a good idea because it will allow time to set up the GIANT'S kitchen and give the audience a chance to stretch its legs and buy some refreshments in the lobby. However, if you wish, the play can be performed as a long one-acter. Continuous action.]
ACT TWO The kitchen in the GIANT's castle.
PRIOR TO CURTAIN: LIVELY MUSIC. From the BACK OF THE AUDITORIUM come COOK aAd KITCHEN GIRL. Each carries a large platter. On the COOK's platter is a coil of rope covered with red paint to suggest spaghetti. On the KITCHEN GIRL's platter is a large cream pie [shaving cream in a tin plate). OPTIONAL EXTRAS: Can be utilized here as additional kitchen workers. They wear chef caps c;md aprons, as do COOK and KITCHEN GIRL. They also carry large platters of prop food. For example: circular cheese, fruit, huge loaf of bread. One might carry in a basket of oversized garden vegetables, etc. CONSIDERATION: In lieu of EXTRAS, the ACTORS who played the COW in ACT ONE might double here
23
as kitchen workers.
COOK: (Skipping down the aisle. Loud and strong voice.) Food, food for the Giant!
KITCHEN GIRL: (Skipping, loud voice.) Food, food for the Giant! OTHERS: (Skipping, loud voices.) Food, food for the Giant! COOK: He'll never be tall and thin
With sauce all over his chin! KITCHEN GIRL: Mutton to boil
And beef to broill COOK: Cakes for tea
None for mel KITCHEN GIRL: Pies to see
Not for mel ALL: (Chanting.) It's all for the Giantl l The Giantl l The Giantl l
(COOK, KITCHEN GIRL, OTHERS EXIT via SIDE STAGE DOORS, or up onto the FORESTAGE and OUT EXTREME DOWN LEFT and EXTREME DOWN RIGHT. A few seconds after COOK and KITCHEN GIRL start down the auditorium aisle, BEAN-SELLER ENTERS. He {or she] passes out "beans" to some of the youngsters in the audience {see production notes], muttering softly "Beans. Magic beans. Think of the possibilities. Beans here. Magic beans." If the ACTOR(S) who portrayed the COW in ACT ONE have not been utilized as extra kitchen helpers, they might accompany the BEAN-SELLER in their role of MISS PRISS. BEAN-SELLER {and MISS PRISS] eventually EXIT via SIDE DOOR or FORESTAGE. MUSIC UP. LIGHTS FLASH ON THE CURTAIN and they OPEN to reveal -- THE KITCHEN IN THE GIANT'S CASTLE. Very simple. The basics: UPSTAGE there's a painted scenic FLAT {can be the reverse side of the scenic FLAT(S) used in ACT ONE. Painted on the flat is the top part of a huge stove or oven. Maybe some pots and pans, too. In front of the flat is a "cooking stove" {table covered with paper]. To the RIGHT side of the stove is a small table with pots and pans, spoons, whisks, various cooking utensils. Suggestion of a wall UP RIGHT and UP LEFT. DOWN LEFT there's a dishware table with cups and saucers and plates, a basin for washing, towel. DOWN RIGHT there's a large table with a stool behind it. NOTE: Technically, everything should be "oversized" for the GIANT. However, this is rather difficult for most groups. Consequently, paint a pail white or red and this becomes the GIANT's "cup." A large cutout of a ketchup bottle on the table will look good, as will another large {cutout] bottle for "A-1
24
SCARECROW GIRL: Hello, Susan. SUSAN: I can't talk now, Scarecrow Girl. SCARECROW GIRL: Why not? SUSAN: Something terrible has happened. SCARECROW GIRL: The Giant's come to earth? SUSAN: Worse. SCARECROW GIRL: The Troll's back? SUSAN: Worse, worse. Mother! SCARECROW GIRL: (To audience.) This sounds serious. (MOTHER
ENTERS from cottage door, or from. behind cottage facade.) MOTHER: For goodness sake, Susan. Why all the shouting? Has
something happened? SUSAN: Jacki MOTHER: (Alarmed.) Something's happened to Jacki (Runs about in
a state of panic.) Jacki Jacki My boyl My son! SUSAN: Calm down, Mother. Nothing's happened to Jack. SCARECROW GIRL: He's all right? SUSAN: He's fine. It's Miss Priss. MOTHER: I told Jack to sell the cow. What else could I do?
(Worried.) Don't tell me he wasn't able to sell Miss Priss1 SUSAN: (Frowns.) He sold the cow. MOTHER: That's a relief. Things being so bad everywhere because
of the Giant, I was afrc:iid he wouldn't find a customer. SUSAN: He found one. MOTHER: How much did Miss Priss fetch? SCARECROW GIRL: Enough to hold off the auction? MOTHER: Enough to buy some food? JACK'S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Susan! Susan! SUSAN: I'd better let him tell you. (JACK RUNS IN, out of brec;,th.) MOTHER: Jacki SCARECROW GIRL: Hello, Jack. MOTHER: I'm so pleased, son. Your sister told me the good news.
You sold the cow. JACK: Yes, Mother. MOTHER: How much did she bring? (Proudly, believing his mother
will be pleased, JACK crosses to her. He holds the pouch.) JACK: See for yourself. Put out your hand. SUSAN: (To audience.) I don't want to watch this. (She looks away.) MOTHER: (Holds out her hand.) If yo.u only got three copper
pennies, I'll be satisfied. JACK: Better than copper pennies, Mother. Much better. (He shakes
the beans onto her hand. MOTHER looks at them. Long pause, then . . . )
21
SUSAN: (Overwhelmed.) It's not possible! Three gold coins! JACK: See for yourself. (He holds out the pouch and SUSAN
excitedly grabs it away. She opens the pouch and looks inside. Her face registers surprise and disappointment. She looks for a moment longer and, then, stares blankly into the audience. Thinking she's wrong about the pouch's contents, she checks again.)
SUSAN: What's this? JACK: (Boosting.) Beans. SUSAN: (Flat.) Beans. JACK: Magic beans. SUSAN: (Flatter still.) Magic beans. JACK: Five magic beans. SUSAN: (Sour.) Five magic beans. (Moans.) What have you done?
You've sold Miss Priss for five stupid beans. JACK: They're not stupid. They're magic. (SUSAN gives him back
the pouch.) SUSAN: You keep them. I never want to see these stupid things
again. What will Mother say? You're going to break her heart. Jack, how could you? (SUSAN turns and EXITS DOWN LEFT. Her VOICE continues to be heard after her departure.)
SUSAN'S VOICE: What did I ever do to deserve a brother like you? You sold the cow for nothing. For nothing! Five stupid beans ...
JACK: (Calls after her.) Think of the possibilities. Anyone can have money. But magic beans are something special.
SUSAN'S VOICE: Five stupid beans --JACK: Come back, Susan. You don't understand. Let me explain.
Come back! SUSAN'S VOICE: Beans! (JACK RUNS OUT after SUSAN.)
End of Scene Four
ACT ONE Scene Five
The farm.
At Rise: SCARECROW GIRL is discovered back in place as the CURTAIN OPENS. Or, if no curtain is used, walks out and takes the same spot she had in Scene One.
SCARECROW GIRL: Considering how bad things are, I wonder why we don't catch the birds I scare away. Ho-hum. Tomorrow's auction day. Out of work, one Scarecrow Girl. (SUSAN RUNS IN from LEFT.)
SUSAN: Mother, Mother!
20
Sauce" or some-such. A giant knife. HOUSEKEEPER is standing CENTER with a large bowl under one arm. She's whipping up pudding with a spoon. She wears a silly bonnet on her head, apron. Her cheeks are over-rouged and there's red on the tip of her nose. MUSIC OUT.)
HOUSEKEEPER: (Voice loud and strong.) Mercy! What an appetite that Giant hast He's a bottomless pit. He can eat a whole cow at one sitting. When he says "I'm hungry enough to eat a horse" -- he means it. (Moves about, stirring the bowl's contents.) Soups and broths. Sausages and pigs feet. Barrels of chili and tubs of squash. Eggs and ham, turkeys and yams. (Still carrying the plate of spaghetti, COOK RUNS IN from one side of the kitchen and EXITS out the other. KITCHEN GIRL, pie on platter, RUNS IN from the opposite direction and OUT. If ExrRAS have been used, they, too, RUN IN and OFF. AsHOUSEKEEPER babbles on, JACK comes from the REAR of the auditorium and walks down an aisle, RIGHT. Looks about in amazement, since he is "in the clouds." Eventually, he stands on the FORESTAGE, EXTREME DOWN RIGHT. HOUSEKEEPER, more and more frantic.) Oceans of shrimp and swamps of fondue! Pineapple upside-down cake and elephant stew! Vanilla glaze and mozzarella dip! Filet of sole and cherry flip! Tuna casserole and Burgundy sauce. Minted green peas and vegetable toss! Throw them on the table and call the boss! (Thoroughly exhausted by her frantic stirring, she tosses the bowl and spoon onto the table and sighs. Wipes the perspiration from her brow with the hem of her apron. JACK raps a knuckle against the STAGE WALL.)
JACK: Hello, hello. HOUSEKEEPER: (Lowers apron.) What was that? (Listens, nothing.)
My imagination, I guess. (Again, JACK knocks.) JACK: Anybody home? I should like.to come in. (HOUSEKEEPER
stares in disbelief as JACK steps from FORESTAGE into the kitchen. HOUSEKEEPER scurries CENTER.)
HOUSEKEEPER: Bless met It's a boy. Ow! JACK: (Bravely.) I should like a few words with the Giant, if you
'don't mind. HOUSEKEEPER: With the Giant, you say? Don't be ridiculous.
Gogmagog never has visitors. (COOK RUNS BACK IN.) COOK: No visitors. Gogmagog never has visitors. No visitors.
(She's OUT.) JACK: I have some harsh words to say to -- what did you say.Jiis
name was?
25
HOUSEKEEPER: Gogmagog. JACK: I'll call him "Giant." Makes things easier. HOUSEKEEPER: Owl You'd better get out of here if you don't want
to end up in the soup. JACK: Would he really do that? HOUSEKEEPER: Indeed, he would. Scares me half to death, he
does. Always stomping about, calling out -- Fee, 6, fo fum. I smell the blood of an Englishman.
JACK: I'm an Englishman. Or, at least -- an English boy. HOUSEKEEPER: (Hands up, delighted.) So you are. A boy, a boyl
An English boy. I always wanted a boy of my very own. We'll play checkers'. Owl (She grabs JACK and pulls him close, practically smothering him in the process.)
JACK: I -- can't -- breathe. HOUSEKEEPER: (Hugging him relentlessly.) A boy! A boy! A boy of
my very own! (KITCHEN GIRL RUNS IN with her pie.) KITCHEN GIRL: (Voice loud and strong.) Food, food for the Giant!
Mutton to boil And beef to broil! Cakes for tea None for me! It's all for the Giant! The Giant! The Giant! (She's OUT.)
JACK: (Desperately trying to free himself.) Let me go, please. Please, let me go ...
HOUSEKEEPER: Of course, of course, my boy. (She loosens her grip and poor JACK gasps for breath, spinning around a couple of times.) I'll make you shirts and buckles for your shoes. Poor boy, you must be starved. Where did you come from? Where are you going? When's your birthday? Do you know any riddles? Sit down, sit down. (JACK moves to table, sits.)
JACK: Thank you. I came from the village. HOUSEKEEPER: The village below? JACK: Yes, ma'am. HOUSEKEEPER: Call me Mother. (She goes to stove and begins to
fuss with this and that. Grabs a frying pan and spatula. Cooks.) JACK: (To audience.) But I've already got a mother. HOUSEKEEPER: A boy can never have enough mothers. JACK: I never knew that. HOUSEK�EPER: Now you do. How did you get up here? In the
bucket? JACK: Beanstalk. HOUSEKEEPER: Beanstalk? JACK� Yes. I grew a beanstalk with some magic beans.
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TROLL: (To audience.) Whatever that's supposed to mean. (To JACK.) How I wish I had you -- (Points skyward.) Up there. In the Giant's castle. You'd soon change your tune. Smothered in mashed potatoes and applesauce.
JACK: I'm not afraid of you. TROLL: If you're not, you're the only one in this village who isn't.
Hee, hee, hee. (Hops about.) Fee 6 fo fuml (Stops, points to pouch.) What's that you're holding?
JACK: Beans. TROLL: Beans? JACK: You heard me. TROLL: How many beans? JACK: five. TROLL: five beans? Bah. What can you do with five beans? five
beans would be of no use on the Giant's dinner table. JACK: What have you done with the chicken? TROLL: I sent it up in the bucket. BOTH: (To audience.) A bucket of chicken. TROLL: I can't waste time talking to a foolish boy. I must be about
my chores. The Giant will soon be awake. (Moves DOWN RIGHT, turns.) One day I'll get even with you for your rudeness. (He wiggles his fingers in threatening fashion, hisses. JACK slams down his foot;)
JACK: ,S,tatl TROLL: Auuuuuuugh. (TROLL scurries OFF.) JACK: (To audience.) Trolls don't like sudden noises. SUSAN'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE, DOWN LEFT.) Jacki Jacki JACK: (To audience.) It's Susan. (SUSAN RUNS IN.) SUSAN: I've been looking everywhere for you, Jack. I wanted to say
goodbye to Miss Priss. JACK: Too late, I'm afraid. I sold her. SUSAN: (Disappointed.) Oh. Who bought the cow? JACK: A mysterious stranger:. I never saw him [her] in the village
before. SUSAN: (Eager.) How much did you get? Enough to stop the
auction? JACK: Better than that. SUSAN: A handful of pennies? JACK: Think big. SUSAN: One gold coin? Is such a thing possible? JACK: Better still. SUSAN: You don't mean -- bm gold coins? JACK: Better yet.
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BEAN-SELLER: You have but to say "deal" and a deal it is. JACK: Oh, my, magic beans! Plain beans wouldn't mean anything,
but� beansl1 (Hugs the cow.) Goodbye, Miss Priss. You're doing a wonderful thing and I'll never forget you.
MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: The boy's a simpleton. He talks to a cow. ANOTHER VILLAGER: And the cow talks back. VILLAGERS: Hahahal BEAN-SELLER: It's a deal? JACK: Deal. (BEAN-SELLER and JACK shake hands.) BEAN-SELLER: Here are the magic beans. I'll take the cow.
(BEAN-SELLER hands JACK the pouch. Next, he takes hold of the cow and leads her OFF, LEFT.)
MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000. JACK: (Waves.) Goodbye, Miss Priss. Goodbye. Be a good girl. MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000. A VILLAGER: Jack Spriggins should be locked up. ANOTHER VILLAGER: What a dunce. STILL ANOTHER: I feel sorry for his poor mother! A VILLAGER: And his poor sister. STILL ANOTHER: And his cow. ALL: Magic beans? Hahahal (VILLAGERS EXIT RIGHT and LEFT.
JACK hasn't heard them because he has busily been investigating the beans in the pouch. [NOTE: At this point JACK can step DOWNSTAGE, onto the FORESTAGE, and the CURTAIN will close behind him. Thus, the FORESTAGE becomes "the road" again. Or, if a curtain is not being used, the Cottage Door is positioned as it was at the ploy's beginning.])
End of Scene Three
ACT ONE Scene Four
The road.
JACK: (Counting.) One magic bean. Two magic beans. Three magic beans. Four magic beans. Five magic beans. (TROLL ENTERS from EXTREME DOWN RIGHT or STAGE RIGHT.)
TROLL: What are you doing? What are you up to? (Quickly, JACK puts the beans back into the pouch.)
JACK: None of your business. TROLL: Insolent boy. Why ore you so confident? JACK: (Recalls the words of the BEAN-SELLER.) Because, because --
1 love adventure and I hove a sense of -· "possibilities."
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HOUSEKEEPER: And the beanstalk grew all the way from down there to all the way up here?
JACK: Yes, ma'am. HOUSEKEEPER: Owl Isn't that wonderful! What will they think of
next? JACK: You seem to be a very nice person to be married to the Giant. HOUSEKEEPER: Owl (Laughs.) Bless me, son. You are confused. I'm
not the Giant's wife. I'm the Giant's housekeeper. Although people are always mistaking me for his wife. He's a bachelor gentleman.
JACK: I intend to get rid of the Giant. Or, if that's not possible, I intend to free Good Queen Violet.
HOUSEKEEPER: Don't involve me. I never have anything to do with politics. (The food.) Looks ready. (She takes the pan to the table and sets it down.)
JACK: What is it? HOUSEKEEPER: Wigglewaggle. It's Gogmagog's favorite. (JACK
looks. An expression of distaste crosses his face.) JACK: (To audience.) Yucky. HOUSEKEEPER: Bon appetite. JACK: I don't care for any, thank you. HOUSEKEEPER: Nonsense, son. You've got to keep up your
strength. (With that, she dips the spatula deep into the pan.) Open.
JACK: I said I didn't care for any, thank you. HOUSEKEEPER: Mother knows best. Open. JACK: But you're not my mother -- (Since his mouth is open,
HOUSEKEEPER shovels in the food. JACK doesn't like this one bit.)
HOUSEKEEPER: Wider. Open wider. Let me see the bottom of the well. (More Wigglewaggle. JACK is practically choking. Tries to resist, waves his hands to signal "no more.") .Elmrutl!
COOK'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE.) .Elmrutl! (COOK RUN S IN and crosses to dishware table, snatches up the funnel.)
HOUSEKEEPER: Wigglewaggle will keep my boy healthy and wise. (Yells.) Where's that funnel!
COOK: (Yelling back.) Where's that funnel? KITCHEN GIRL'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE.) Where's that funnel!
(COOK runs over with the funnel. KITCHEN GIRL ENTERS and runs to the table. Pulls at JACK's hair, tilting his head back.)
JACK: Ugh, glu, ooo, eeck; auuuugh ... HOUSEKEEPER: Wigglewaggle, Wigglewaggle. Yum, yum, yum. COOK: Wigglewaggle, Wigglewaggle. Yum, yum, yum.
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KITCHEN GIRL: Wigglewaggle, Wigglewaggle. Yum, yum, yum. JACK: (Squirming.) Auuugh, eeck, ooo, glu, ugh ... HOUSEKEEPER: Funnel. COOK: Funnel. KITCHEN GIRL: Funnel. (COOK hands funnel to KITCHEN GIRL, who
hands it to HOUSEKEEPER, who promptly sticks the spout end into poor JACK's open mouth. She continues to spoon more and more Wigglewaggle into the funnel. NOTE: There is actually nothing in the pan, of course. But JACK must struggle as if more and more of the vile stuff were being shoved down his throat. His eyes bug out.)
HOUSEKEEPER: He's doing nicely, I think. I'm famous for my Wigglewaggle.
KITCHEN GIRL: Try the pudding. COOK: Yes, the pudding. HOUSEKEEPER: Ow! Why not? The pudding it is. (Finished with the
Wigglewaggle, HOUSEKEEPER picks up the bowl she was working with when we first met her. Spoons pudding into funnel. Again, there is nothing in the bowl, but the actor playing JACK must pretend to "swallow.")
COOK: Are you fattening him up for Gogmagog? HOUSEKEEPER: Certainly not. What a thing to say. He's my boy. My
own little boy. KITCHEN GIRL: Has he got a name? HOUSEKEEPER: Mercy! I don't know. Why don't we ask him? COOK: Let's (HOUSEKEEPER puts down the bowl and spoon.
COOK removes funnel. KITCHEN GIRL releases her grip.) HOUSEKEEPER: You got a name, boy? JACK: (Blurts it out in desperation.) .l.atkl OTHERS: (Pleased with the sound of it.) Jack. COOK: Did you enjoy the Wigglewaggle? JACK: (Lies.) Yes. Thank you. It was, uh, "tasty." HOUSEKEEPER: He's a gourmet. Isn't that marvelous? (To be polite,
JACK forces himself to smile.) My boy is a gourmet. Owl (JACK breathes deeply, waves his hand in front of his mouth.)
JACK: The pudding was hot and the Wigglewaggle was cold. COOK: Then something got mixed up. KITCHEN GIRL: It's the pudding that's supposed to be cold and the
Wigglewaggle that's supposed to be hot. (JACK is still trying to catch his breath. All that stuffing with pudding and Wigglewaggle has worn him out.)
JACK: (Not sure he wants to know.) What's in Wigglewaggle? COOK: You start out with the head of a large fish.
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MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000. (OPTIONAL cow DANCE: JACK might pluck a flute or harmonica from his costume and pretend to play. Or clap his hands in rhythm. MISS PRISS, to show what a clever cow she is, "dances." At the end of the dance, ONLOOKERS applaud. END OPTIONAL COW DANCE. JACK speaks to one VILLAGER after another.)
JACK: Buy a beautiful cow, madam? Buy a wonderful cow, sir? A good and loyal companion. (One by one, VILLAGERS shake heads "no.") She'll never be any trouble. Honest. (VILLAGERS turn their backs and silently converse with one another. JACK and MISS PRISS are glum.)
BEAN-SELLER: You there, lad. JACK: Sir [madam]? BEAN-SELLER: Let me get a closer look at that cow. (Happily, MISS
PRISS and JACK step to BEAN-SELLER.) JACK: (The salesman.) She's alwQys been a fine cow. She produces
the finest milk and makings for cheese. She's a good watch-cow; too.
BEAN-SELLER: Never mind about that. I can see you are a lad who loves adventure.
JACK: (To audience.) That's amazing! I never told anyone before. It's always been my secret.
BEAN-SELLER: I can see that you're a lad who believes in -· "possibilities."
JACK: (To audience.) True. I've always believed in possibilities. BEAN-SELLER: I will buy your cow, but I won't insult you by offering
money. JACK: I wouldn't be insulted. (BEAN-SELLER takes out a small pouch.) BEAN-SELLER: Inside this pouch are beans. JACK: Beans? (VILLAGERS, as one, tu:-n about.) VILLAGERS: Beans???!!! BEAN-SELLER: With these beans I will buy the cow. VILLAGERS: Hahahg! JACK: I could never sell Miss Priss for beans. BEAN-SELLER: What is your name, boy? JACK: Jack. Jack Spriggins. And my sister's name is Susan. And my
mother's name is Mrs. Spriggins. BEAN-SELLER:. Well, Jack Spriggins. I know you love adventure and I
know you believe in "possibilities." So, you'll understand when I say the five beans inside the pouch are -- magic beans.
JACK: Magic beans. (To audience.) ':/.f!JyJ_I VILLAGERS: Magic beans. Hahaha! JACK: You mean you'll give me those magic beans for the cow?
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Gogmagog has stolen your Queen. HIGH SHERIFF: (Suspicious.) You seem to know a great deal about
us. Perhaps I should slap you in irons. You could be a spy. BEAN-SELLER: Who would I be spying for? HIGH SHERIFF: How should I know? That's what makes you
dangerous . . BEAN-SELLER: I'm not dangerous, High Sheriff Dumdum. I am a
simple seller of beans. HIGH SHERIFF: Beans? BEAN-SELLER: (Confirms.) Beans. HIGH SHERIFF: I don't like beans and I don't like apples dipped in
goo. (JACK ENTERS from RIGHT with MISS PRISS. Sings out --.) JACK: Cow for sale! Cow for salel (Some of the VILLAGERS return,
stand in background. Not to include PRINCESS TULIP, TROLL or CHICKEN.)
BEAN-SELLER: Perhaps this lad would like to buy some beans. HIGH SHERIFF: Him? Jack? Hal Hasn't a copper to his name. I,
myself, am auctioning off his mother's farm in the morning. JACK: Cow for sale! Cow for sale! MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000.JACK: Would you like to buy a cow, High Sheriff Dumdum? HIGH SHERIFF: Buy a cow?! A person of my esteem? Certainly not.
I don't buy gooey apples and I don't buy beans and I � buy cows! (ONLOOKERS laugh. HIGH SHERIFF joins them. Thus, ONLOOKERS form something of a semi-circle UPSTAGE. BEAN-SELLER stands to one side.)
JACK: Don't be discouraged, Miss Priss. Remember -- we're all counting on you.
MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000. JACK: Bright eyes, head high. Step lively. (If possible, th� COW bats
her eyelashes. Holds her head high and steps lively in place -as if she were doing a brief tap dance. JACK leads her about the square, showing her off. Although she's a bit clumsy, MISS PRISS does her best to look magnificent. JACK sings, more-or-less, or chants.) Cow, cow, cow for sole Who will buy this lovely tail? A dainty miss Is our sweet Priss Never spills a single drop Never need to use a mop Cow, cow, cow for sale Cow, cow, cow for sale.
ONLOOKERS: Cow, cow, cow for sale.
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KITCHEN GIRL: Shredded red cabbage. COOK: Half a pound of licorice and a stick of peanut butter. HOUSEKEEPER: Then you add a cup of melted chocolate. KITCHEN GIRL: A can of pineapple syrup and a box of raisins. COOK: A tablespoon of castor oil. KITCHEN GIRL: Some gopher tails. HOUSEKEEPER: And just a "pinch" of red pepper. Wigglewaggle is
nothing to sneeze at. (JACK puffs out his cheeks. He may be ill.) COOK: Jack is a nice name. I mean, if you have to have a name. JACK: G-g-g-g-lad you like it. HOUSEKEEPER: My very own boy. (To COOK and KITCHEN GIRL.)
My boy came here by way of a beanstalk. OTHERS: Beanstalk? COOK: I don't know what Gogmagog will say when he finds out
there's a beanstalk in the area. KITCHEN GIRL: We won't tell him. HOUSEKEEPER: That's a good idea. (To audience.) Why didn't I
think of that? We won't tell him. (Suddenly, the STAGE DARKENS. There's a great RUMBLING SOUND, as if some gigantic beast were nearing the kitchen. We hear the GIANT's VOICE. NOTE: If you have the equipment, we might hear the GIANT's VOICE MAGNIFIED BY THE SOUND SYSTEM.)
GIANT'S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Fee fi fo furn I smell the blood of an Englishman.
KITCHEN GIRL: It's himl COOK: Gogmagogl HOUSEKEEPER: The Giant! KITCHEN GIRL: He frightens me sol COOK: Me, too! KITCHEN GIRL: (Runs around in a panic.) What'II we do! What'II we
do! Fat's in the fire, and I'm feeling blue. HOUSEKEEPER: Look busy. COOK: That's it! (To KITCHEN GIRL.) Look busy. (COOK flees
RIGHI) KITCHEN GIRL: Busy. Look busy. (Follows COOK.) GIANT'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE LEFT. Strong and loud.) Be he
alive or be he dead I'll grind his bones to make my bread!
JACK: (Jumps up, alarmed.) He's not going to grind my bones! HOUSEKEEPER: Owl (To audience.) I must hide my boy before the
Giant sees him. Where? Where? Any suggestions? (Audience reaction. HOUSEKEEPER points DOWN LEFT.) There!· (HOUSEKEEPER yanks JACK DOWN LEFT.) No good. He's sure
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to look here. (Looks at dishware table.) Ahal That's it. Under the table. Quick, Jack. Under the table. (JACK scurries under the table.)
JACK: I can barely fit under here. HOUSEKEEPER: That's no good, either. GIANT'S VOICE: (Strong and loud.) Fee fi fo fum
I smell the blood of an Englishman. HOUSEKEEPER: The oven. I'll put you in the oven. He never looks in
the oven. JACK: Is the oven hot? HOUSEKEEPER: Of course it's not hot. Do you think I want any
harm to come to my boy? Come on, Jack. Get out from under there. (She gives JACK a hand and he sc�rries from under the table.)
JACK: I'm not afraid of the Giant. HOUSEKEEPER: In that case, you've got a lot to learn. Don't
dawdle. (She pushes JACK UPSTAGE to the oven, and he steps behind the scenery flat. NOTE: If the table that represents the stove has a "door," HOUSEKEEPER can open it and JACK can "climb in." Or, JACK might enter from the side. Just in time, too. Because -- The GIANT ENTERS. He looks terribly threatening. Mean, cruel, dangerous. He holds a large dub and always seems ready to use it. [Club can be a baseball bat, but wrapped with foam rubber and placed inside a dark pillowcase.] As he walks about, he sniffs at the air. Crosses to dinner table, crosses DOWN LEFT, sniffs at dishware table.)
GIANT: Fee fi fo fum I smell the blood of an Englishman.
HOUSEKEEPER: (Lightly, fussing at her bonnet.) You're always saying that, Gogmagog.
GIANT: Be he alive or be he dead I'll grind his bones to make my bread.
HOUSEKEEPER: Speaking of bread, would you like me to fix you a sandwich?
GIANT: (Sniffs.) I tell you there's an Englishman somewhere in this castle.
HOUSEKEEPER: No, no, Gogmagog. Not an Englishman. An English woman. Good Queen Violet.
GIANT: (Suspicious.) Hmmmmm. HOUSEKEEPER: (Casually.) I hate to bring this up, Gogrpagog. It's
about my salary. I haven't been paid in years, y 'know. I'vebeen thinking of opening up a fish and chips shop. I'm famous for my Tartar Sauce. (GIANT roars out his anger.)
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understand a word, but decides not to push the point. Settlesfor --.)
SUSAN: Oh. (LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE holds out the ransom bag.) LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: Something to help rescue Good Queen
Violet? SUSAN: I have nothing. That's why I'm here. My brother is selling
Miss Priss. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her. LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: Miss Priss? SUSAN: The cow. LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: I see. Well, in that case, I must be off. I
must get more contributions for the ransom. It's so important because -- (The "because" is followed by an impossible flood of mumbles. SUSAN does her best to understand the mumbles, but it's hopeless. Finally --.) Don't you agree?
SUSAN: (Not knowing what else to say.) Yes, yes. I agree. Completely.
LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: I thought you would. (She starts to EXIT LEFT. Stumbles.) Oops. (She recovers, OUT. [NOTE: While SUSAN and LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE have been conversing, OTHERS wander OFF, LEFT and RIGHT. BEAN-SELLER, a mysterious-looking fellow or lady in a long cape and a hat with a feather, ENTERS RIGHT, moves DOWN.])
SUSAN: (To audience.) Maybe Jack and Miss Priss are coming from the other side of the village. (She EXITS LEFT as HIGH SHERIFF returns, ringing the hand bell.)
HIGH SHERIFF: Market Day! Market Day! Bargains galore! Help the economy of our poor village. Buy something! Sell something! (To BEAN-SELLER.) You there.
BEAN-SELLER: Me, sir? HIGH SHERIFF: You, sir [madam], I don't know you. BEAN-SELLER: Look at it this way -- I don't know you, either. We're
even. I am new to these parts. Passing through. HIGH SHERIFF: Well, I've got my eyes on you. I don't like strangers. BEAN-SELLER: That's notvery neighborly. HIGH SHERIFF: If you ask me, that's the trouble with the world
today. Too many neighbors. (Looks upward, meaning the GIANT.) Especially, "big" neighbors. Big, big, b.isl neighbors.
BEAN-SELLER: (Looks upward.) You mean Gogmagog? HIGH SHERIFF: (Reacts.) How's that? BEAN-SELLER: Gogmagog. The Giant. HIGH SHERIFF: (Nervous.) Speak softly, stranger. Speak softly. We
don't like to mention the Giant in this village. BEAN-SELLER: I don't see how you can avoid it. Especially since
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SELLERS: Who'll buy1 Who'll buy1 Ribbons. Apples. Bird for sale. (Etc.)
BUYERS: What are you selling1 What color1 Any pears1 How much1 (Etc.)
(HIGH SHERIFF ENTERS and walks about with exaggerated dignity, ringing a hand bell.)
HIGH SHERIFF: Market Day! Market Dayl Bargains galore! Help the economy of our poor village. Sell something, buy something. Buy something, sell something. (VILLAGE WOMAN #2 steps DOWNSTAGE, speaks to audience.)
VILlAGE WOMAN #2: Delicious. I have delicious here. Tasty apples dipped in sugary goo. It's goo for you. (She giggles, turns to HIGH SHERIFF.) Gooey apple, High Sheriff Dumdum1
HIGH SHERIFF: (Huffy.) Gooey apple, did you say? Certainly not. It wouldn't be dignified for a person of my high station to be seen with anything gooey. (He EXITS, calling out --) Market Day! Market Dayl Bargains galore! Buy something, sell something! (SUSAN ENTERS from RIGHT, steps to VILLAGE WOMAN #2.)
SUSAN: Have you seen my brother Jacki VILlAGE WOMAN #2: I'm afraid not. Buy a gooey apple? Dipped
in sugary goo. It's goo for you. SUSAN: I don't hove any money. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: (Sighs.) That's what everybody soys. What
the Giant doesn't take from us, the Princess must. Soon, we'll be no better than church mice.
SUSAN: Alas. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: (Moves OFF, LEFT.) Delicious. I have delicious
here. Tasty apples dipped in sugary goo. It's goo for you. (LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE moves to SUSAN.)
LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: Did I overhear correctly, girl1 SUSAN: (Curtsies.) M'lady? lADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: You mentioned someone named Jack. I
met such a lad only this morning. At the farm of Jack's mother. SUSAN: She's my mother, too. I'm Jack's sister, Susan. lADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: Isn't that nice ... (Mumble, mumble.) SUSAN: I beg your pardon? lADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: (Irritated.) Why is it people never seem to
understand what I say? What's the matter with them1 (Forcefully.) I said -- (Mumble, mumble. SUSAN doesn't
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· GIANT: Grrrrrrrrrl (He raises the club, as if to strike her down.Terrified, HOUSEKEEPER RUNS OUT, RIGHT.)
HOUSEKEEPER: Owl Look busy! (As she EXITS, COOK and KITCHENGIRL RUN BACK IN with the spaghetti and pie.)
COOK: Look busy!KITCHEN GIRL: Busy, busy! Look busy! (They hurry OUT. GIANT still
thinks there's an Englishman hiding somewhere in the castle. Lifts his nose toward the ceiling and sniffs again. Gives a low growl.)
GIANT: Grrrrrr. . , (He moves to table and grins as he looks into the pan.) Wigglewaggle. My favorite. (He dips his hand, which is more like a paw, into the pan and scoops up some Wigglewaggle. Eats.) Goooood. Wigglewaggle goooooood. (GOOD QUEEN VIOLET ENTERS, LEFT. To show that she's a prisoner, she holds a set of prison bars in front of her face. There are dangling chain$ on her wrists.)
QUEEN: There you are, you dreadful creature. Eating, as usual. They shouldn't call you Gogmagog. They should .call you Glutton.
GIANT: (Without turning. Eating more Wigglewaggle.) Queen Violet. Hee, hee, hee.
QUEEN: If I had an army, they'd have been here long ago to rescue me and defeat you.
GIANT: Well, you don't have an army. You couldn't pay a·n army if you had one. Your kingdom is almost penniless.
QUEEN: Thanks to you. You've ruined my land. You've impoverished my people. (Unseen by either the GIANT or QUEEN, JACK sticks his head from around the back of the oven [or opens oven door and pokes his head out].)
GIANT: Two bags of gold and you're free. QUEEN: Until the next time. Until you want more. And more and
more. Until there is nothing left to give. Haven't my people suffered enough?
GIANT: Hohahol QUEEN: I've known many giants in my time. Good, decent men
and women. But you are the first m giant I've met. And, I trust, the lost.
GIANT: (Roars out.) More Wigglewagglelll (VOICE of HOUSEKEEPER, COOK and KITCHEN GIRL echo back.)
VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE.) More Wigglewagglel GIANT: A side of mutton! A mountain of jam! Spaghetti! Pudding
and molasses! Celery sticks and pecans! Nut bread and lemon pie! A side of beef! Cheese and apples! And --
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VOICE: Andi GIANT: An Englishman, if you can find one! HOUSEKEEPER'S VOICE: Owl QUEEN: One day you'll be punished. GIANT: Silence! Otherwise, I shall raise your ransom to three bags
full, instead of two. Remember •• if your people don't pay up, you'll be known as Queen Blackbird Pie With Cinnamon Sprinkles!
QUEEN: You're not human. GIANT: (To audience.) Everybody knows that. (EXITS RIGHT.)
Hahaha! QUEEN: Alas, alack. What am I to do? (She sobs. JACK steps into
view.) JACK: No, no, Your Majesty. Tears won't help. QUEEN: (Surprised.) Who are you, young man? JACK: (Courtly bow.) Jack Spriggins, Your Majesty. A loyal subject.
My mother's name is Mrs. Spriggins and my sister's name is Susan.
QUEEN: I know Mrs. Spriggins. I knew your father before the Giant stole everything he had. Goodness, Jack, how did you get up here?
JACK: My magic beans grew a beanstalk. A beanstalk so high it reached here to the Giant's castle.
QUEEN: Beanstalk? (To audience.) What's he talking about? JACK: I intend to get rid of the Giant and rescue you. All you need
is patience, m'lady. QUEEN: What a brave boy you are, but you're not very practical. JACK: That's what my mother says. TROLL'S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Where are you, Queenie? QUEEN: It's the Troll. Quick! Hide. He mustn't see you, Jack. JACK: No problem. (JACK EXITS behind the oven/stove. Or, into
stove via door or side. TROLL ENTERS. Sees Queen. Points LEFT.) TROLL: You're not supposed to be roaming about the castle. Get
back to your cell, Good Queen Violet. QUEEN: (EXITS.) One day you'll be punished. TROLL: (Calls after her.) Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard that before.
(GIANT CHICKEN wanders IN from RIGHT.) CHICKEN: Cheep, cheep, cheep. TROLL: (Sees CHICKEN.) If I were you, Chicken, I'd be thinking
about golden eggs. Otherwise, tomorrow's menu will feature chicken pot pie. (EXITS after QUEEN.) Hee, hee, hee.
CHICKEN: (Upset.) Squawk! Squawk! Squawk! (JACK reappears.) JACK: Be quiet, Chicken. It's me. Jack. Don't you recognize me?
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.in her backside. Or single cow actor back-kicks.with one foot. NOTE: To do this, VILLAGE WOMAN # 1 must stand in such a way that kicl,cing at her with the cow legs is a fairly simple matter.) Qhl ,She kicked met (To audience.) Did you see than The cow kicked me!
JACK: She didn't like what you said about hamburger meat. VILLAGE WOMAN # 1: Who cares what a cow likes or doesn't like?
I'll get the Hrgh Sheriff, that's what I'll do. (She runs from the FORESTAGE or into the audience and up the aisle.) Sheriff! Sheriff! Arrest that cowl Arrest that cowl
MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. JACK: Now you've gone and done it. Aren't you ashamed of
yourself, Miss Priss? (In way of apology, MISS PR/SS brushes her head against JACK almost as if she were a kitten expecting a loving pat.)
MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. JACK: Spruce up, Miss Priss. I wont you to look your best. Bright
eyes. Head high, step lively. You're going to save the farm. At least for a little while. (Head high, stepping lively, MISS PRISS prances DOWN RIGHT on FORESTAGE. EXITS. JACK.is le� ONSTAGE holding the pint bottle of milk. He holds the bottle out to the front row.) Anybody out there care for a bottle of milk? Milk is very good for you. (Hopefully, someone in the audience will step forward and take the prop bottle. · If not, JACK keeps it and follows MISS PRISS calling out, ''Anybody want to buy a bottle of milk?" In either case, JACK EXITS.)
End of Scene Two
ACT ONE Scene Three
Village square. {The village square is nothing more than the open stage space (SEE PRODUCTION NOTES). If the curtain was closed for previous scene, it now opens. If the curtain wasn't used, JACK EXITS and VILLAGERS ENTER the open space from LEFT and RIGHT.] If you wish to use some EXTRAS they can be employed at this point as "shoppers" and/or "sellers." Or, you con use characters from ACT TWO. (HOUSEKEEPER, COOK, KITCHEN GIRL, QUEEN) One sells ribbons, another eggs, another might hold a toy goose under an arm. Flowers, etc. LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE and PRINCESS TULIP can also function as shoppers. Ditto for the TROLL and maybe, GIANT CHICKEN. VILLAGE WOMAN #2 has a troy of dipped apples with sticks. The tray is looped around her neck with thin rope.
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cow, investigates.) VILLAGE WOMAN # l: Let me see your teeth, cow. (MISS PRISS
shakes her head "no.") I must see the teeth. I'm not buying a cow-in-a-poke.
JACK: Show her your teeth, Miss Priss. (MISS PRISS tilts her head up and VILLAGE WOMAN # 1 checks the choppers.)
VILLAGE WOMAN # l : Hmmmm. I think this is an old cow. The teeth are worn down and they look brown.
MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: And her tongue is thin. Much too thin. I
don't fancy a cow with a thin tongue. I don't suppose she can produce milk?
JACK: Only because we haven't been able to feed her. But I'm sure she'll do her best for you. (To prove that MISS PRISS is a worthy dairy, JACK steps to the cow's tail and works it like a pump handle.)
VILLAGE WOMAN #1: That's a strange way to milk a cow. JACK: Miss Priss is an unusual cow. VILLAGE WOMAN # l : Looks quite ordinary to me. JACK: Come on, Miss Priss. I know you can do it. Try. Try hard. MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. Moooo-00000. Moooo-00000. (JACK
pumps the tail harder and harder. Finally, MISS PRISS MOOS in triumph. A pint bottle of milk is produced from the cow costume.)
JACK: (Takes bottle of milk.) Therel What did I tell you. She's a fine cow.
VILLAGE WOMAN #1: (Impressed.) I must admit I'm surprised. How much do you want for her?
JACK: One gold coin. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: One gold cojnl Have you lost your senses,
Jack? There isn't that much money left in the whole kingdoml I'll give you two copper pennies. ·
MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. JACK: I'm sure I can get more than that at the village square. It's
market day. VILLAGE WOMAN # l : The village square on market day is filled
with villains and rogues. You'd better do business with me. Two copper pennies and the cow is mine.
JACK: I could never sell Miss Priss so cheaply. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: Have it your way. She's a silly-looking cow,
anyway. If I were you I'd sell her to the butcher. She might make good hamburger meat. (Furious by the put-down, MISS PRISS kicks out her hind legs and butts VILLAGE WOMAN # 1
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(CHICKEN looks at JACK as if she can't believe what she sees. Then she looks into the audience.)
CHICKEN: Jack? JACK: (Amazed.) You can talk? (To audience.) It must be the altitude. CHICKEN: This is a terrible place, Jack. I wish I were back on the
farm. JACK: If I have my way, you will be. GIANT'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE RIGHT.) Lunchl I want my lunchl
I'm famished. (In a panic, CHICKEN begins to flap about the kitchen in hysterical fashion. JACK does his best to calm her.)
JACK: Calm down, calm down. I'm here. I won't let any harm come to you.
CHICKEN: I don't want to be a chicken pot pie. Squawkl Squawkl Squawk!
GIANT'S VOICE: My lunch! I want my lunch! CHICKEN: Did you hear that? He wants lunch! (CHICKEN, in a total
panic, screams and darts OUT, LEFT. Squawking madly.) SquawkSquawkSquawk ...
GIANT'S VOICE: (Drawing near. Loud.) Fee fi fo furn I smell the blood of an Englishmanl
JACK: (To audience.) Here I go again. (Hides, once more, in/behind the oven/stove.)
GIANT: (ENTERING.) Be he alive or be he dead I'll grind his bones to make my bread! Hahaha! (Sits at table, puts down club. Roars out.) Feed me! (/nstont/y. COOK RUNS IN with the platter of spaghetti and sets it before the GIANT. RUNS OUT. KITCHEN GIRL RUNS IN with the pie and sets it on the table. RUNS OUT. HOUSEKEEPER RUNS IN and steps to the stove, grabs a pan and cooks something -- so fast she looks like a video on fast-forward. If EXTRAS are used as additional KITCHEN HELPERS, they RUN IN witr. the food they carried at the Act's opening and .set it before the GIANT. RUN OUT. GOGMAGOG's table manners are disgraceful. He's a slob. He uses his hands and, when he's through with some bit of food, he tosses it over his shoulder. KITCHEN GIRL RUNS BACK IN with another platter, sets it on the table. She gathers up a dirty plate or two and moves to the dishware table and begins to wash them. NOTE: This sequence should resemble an old-time silent movie. If you have STROBE LIGHTS, use them. The "flickering" will add to the hilarity. The action is fast, fast, fast -HOUSEKEEPER is cooking insanely at the stove. KITCHEN GIRL is furiously washing and drying dirty plates [ii she needs more plates, she runs back to the table and gets them]. COOK RUNS
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IN with a pitcher of juice which she pours into GIANT's cup. RUNS OFF. OPTIONAL EXTRAS are RUNNING IN AND OUT carrying still more food. The GIANT is pigging out. Disgusting. He never finishes anything. A bite of this, a rip of that, a swallow of juice, a handful of grapes. And always, what he doesn't use he tosses over his shoulder as if it were garbage. It looks like a food fight. Some LNELY MUSIC will add to the madness. CONTINUE ACTION: GIANT eats and tosses food. HOUSEKEEPER cooks. KITCHEN GIRL washes. COOK and OTHERS RUN IN AND OUT, ON AND OFF. The sequence ends only when the GIANT has had enough. He slams both fists to the table and bellows as he rises.) .En�! (OTHERS freeze in place -- even if the person is caught in the gesture of running.) I've had enough. Napkin!
COOK/KITCHEN GIRL: Napkin! (They RUN OFFSTAGE only to RETURN almost immediately carrying an unfurled bedsheet between them. If not a bedsheet, then a white beach towel. They hurry to the GIANT. He grabs the "napkin" and wipes his mouth. Tosses the "napkin" aside.)
COOK: How about some pie? GIANT: No more food. HOUSEKEEPER: No more food? (Innocently.) But I've cooked up a
nice mess of fresh Wigglewaggle, all lumpy and thick. The way you like it.
GIANT: Coffee! COOK/KITCHEN GIRL: Coffee! (They dash OFF, again only to
RETURN almost at once. COOK carries a teeny cup and KITCHEN GIRL carries a teeny saucer.)
KITCHEN GIRL: (To GIANT.) Saucer. COOK: Cup. (She puts the tiny cup on the tiny saucer.) COOK/KITCHEN GIRL: Coffee. (Almost daintily, GIANT takes the
cup and saucer. Slurps. . . and slurps and slurps. There seemsto be no bottom to the cup. On and on goes the slurping.)
GIANT: (Smacks his lips on finishing.) Delicious. COOK: (Pleasantly.) We're so glad you liked it, Giant. How about a
slice of Danish? GIANT: (Puts aside the tiny cup and saucer. Bangs fist on table.)
Everybody out! Now( (ACTORS frozen in position "unfreeze," RUN OFF. Ditto for COOK and KITCHEN GIRL, who RUN OUT, LEFT.) You, Housekeeper.
HOUSEKEEPER: Ow! Yes, Gogmagog?. GIANT: Fetch me my Singing Harp. It's time for my nap. HOUSEKEEPER: Yes, Giant.
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paid. A queen to be ransomed. If it isn't one thing, it's another. MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000. (MOTHER stands, steps to the COW.
Kisses it on the head.) MOTHER: Goodbye, Miss Priss. Try to forgive us, if you can. We
wouldn't be doing this if we weren't desperate. MISS PRISS: Mooooo-00000.MOTHER: Go along, Jack. JACK: Yes, Mother. (To audience.) Mother knows best.MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. (JACK crosses LEFT and EXITS. MISS
PRISS FOLLOWS. MOTHER picks up the choir and EXITS RIGHT.) End Of Scene One
[NOTE: The following brief scene, on the road to the village sQuare. can be worked in a couple of ways. (1) As JACK EXITS with MISS PRISS, the CURTAIN CLOSES and JACK and MISS PRISS soon APPEAR on the FORESTAGE, from EXTREME DOWN LEFT. The FORESTAGE becomes ''the road." (2) If you're not using a curtain. the "cottage door'' is removed as JACK and MISS PRISS make their cross, and the open STAGE becomes the rood.]
ACT ONE Scene Two
The road [FORESTAGE or open STAGE].
At Rise: JACK ENTERS from EXTREME DOWN LEFT or from STAGE LEFT if no curtain is used. MISS PRISS trails behind.
JACK: The way I figure it, Miss Priss, is like this. Somehow, we've got to get rid of the Giant. If only people weren't so afraid.
MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000.JACK: First things first. We've got to sove the farm. MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. (VILLAGE WO/i.JiAN #1 ENTERS from
RIGHT.) VILLAGE WOMAN #1: I sow the High Sheriff, Jack. Sorry to hear
the auction's tomorrow. JACK: Princess Tulip says if we can pay something we might hold on
to the farm a bit longer. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: Don't tell me. let me guess. You're going to
sell Miss Priss. MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000.JACK: Afraid so. I wish it were otherwise. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: let me hove a look at her. If you're not
asking too much, I might buy her myself. MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000. (VILLAGE WOMEN # 1 crosses to the
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PRINCESS: (Stands.) Again, forgive me for doing what must be done. Come, Lady Stumble-Mumble. On to the next farm. (PRINCESS sweeps OUT, LEFT. MOTHER curtsies. JACK bows. LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE follows after PRINCESS, turns back and speaks to OTHERS.)
LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: Dear friends, always remember the wise words of Good Queen Violet -- (She mumbles a few lines of nonsense. Turns to EXIT, stumbles.) Oops. (She's OUT.)
JACK: If only we had those few coins. We could save the farm. MOTHER: There is only one thing left to do, my son. JACK: What's that, Mother? MOTHER: We must sell the cow. JACK: (Horrified.) Sell Miss Prissl (To audience.) Did you hear what·
my mother said? Sell Miss Prissl? MOTHER: She's all we've got left to sell. Fetch her, Jack. It's market
day in the village. It's now or never. JACK: But, Mother, Miss Priss is a friend. MOTHER: Don't argue with me. (Dejected, head low, JACK EXITS
RIGHT.) Being a mother in such times is not easy. (She moves to the chair and sits. As she does, there's a'COMMOTION at the back of the auditorium. It's the CHICKEN fleeing from the TROLL.)
CHICKEN: Squawk, squawk, squawk! Cheep, cheep, cheep! (CHICKEN runs down an aisle for a few rows. TROLL ENTERS from back of auditorium, in pursuit.)
TROLL: Come back you fowl thing! You belong to the Giant! (Frantic, in a panic, CHICKEN pushes her way across a row of the audience, making her escape as best she can. TROLL, also, pushes his way into the row of audience members, snarling and growling as they read to the disturbance.) Get out of my way! Make room! Step aside! I'm on official business for the Giant! Don't interfere!
CHICKEN: Cheep, cheep, cheep! Squawk, squawk, squawk! TROLL: Come back, I say! Dumb chicken! (CHICKEN escapes OUT
the rear of the auditorium. TROLL FOLLOWS. ONSTAGE, MOTHER wipes away another tear. JACK appears, leading MISS PRISS, the cow. [NOTE: Ideally, COW should be· played by two performers, one for the front and one for the rear. An alternative to this is a single performer, in costume, walking upright. SEE PRODUCTION NOTES.})
MOTHER: A sad, sad day. JACK: Must we sell Miss Priss, Mother? MOTHER: You know our situation, Jack. Nothing to eat. Taxes to be
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GIANT: What time is dinner? HOUSEKEEPER: Anytime you say. GIANT: Dinner in half an hour. HOUSEKEEPER: (Sighs.) Could we make it thirty-five minutes? GIANT: (Bangs fist on table.) I said half an hourlll HOUSEKEEPER: (Runs LEFT.) Yes, Gogmagog. Half an hour.
Anything you say. Half an hour, if not sooner. Owl (She's OUT. TROLL ENTERS DOWN LEFT, as GIANT sits.)
TROLL: Those villagers will never get up the ransom for Good Queen Violet.
GIANT: In that case, I will crush every cottage in the village. Burn every cart and wagon. I will drive every villager into the hills. I will ruin them, destroy them, annihilate them. Grind them into the dirt! (Even this is a bit much for the TROLL.)
TROLL: (To audience.) Nasty. GIANT: (Banging his fist on the table.) I want my Singing Harp!
Where is my Singing Harp! TROLL: I'll check on it. (TROLL EXITS. KITCHEN GIRL ENTERS UP
LEFT pushing a floor broom. She crosses RIGHT and makes a few pushes at the food the GIANT has tossed to the floor. OUT. At the same time, JACK COMES BACK INTO VIE'#, but stands UPSTAGE so he can see the GIANT, but GOGMAGOG can't see him. GIANT begins to doze off. From OFFSTAGE comes the soothing VOICE OF THE SINGING HARP. NOTE: SINGING HARP can sing anything you wish. An old English ballad works nicely -- provided it's a lullaby. Best choice is to the melody of Stephen Foster's "Beautiful Dreamer," with "Giant" substituted for "Dreamer," and "sleep" for "wake.")
SINGING HARP'S VOICE: BEAUTIFUL GI-ANT, SLEEP UNTO ME -STARLIGHT AND DEWDROPS ARE WAITING FOR THEE.
GIANT: (Sleepily.) My beautiful Singing Harp. Come in here, my dear. (SINGING HARP ENTERS.)
SINGING HARP: SOUNDS 'OF THE RUDE WORLD HEARD IN THE DAY --LULL'D BY THE MOONLIGHT HAVE ALL PASSED AWAY. (SINGING HARP is a beautiful girl in a long white gown, or something lovely and flowing. The "harp" is attached to the back of her costume. Or, it can be attached to the front of the costume. This way, as she sings, she can pluck at the strings.· The impression should be that the harp is actually part of her body. Around her neck is a string, from which dangles a large gold key.)
GIANT: I've just had a light lunch, my beautiful Singing Harp. Now,
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I shall take a nap. I must rest up for dinner. After dinner I shall destroy the village. (Aghast, JACK slaps one hand to his face.)
SINGING HARP: Yes, master. Whatever pleases you. GIANT: You're wearing the golden key that unlocks Queen Violet's
prison cell. SINGING HARP: Yes, master. GIANT: Never lose it. SINGING HARP: No, master. GIANT: She's money in the bank. Sing, my beautiful harp. Lull me
to sleep. SINGING HARP: Yes, master. To sleep. GIANT: (Dozing off.) Sleep ... sleep ... beautiful sleep. SINGING HARP: (Sweetly singing.) BEAUTIFUL GI-ANT, SLEEP UNTO
ME, STARLIGHT AND DEWDROPS ARE WAITING FOR THEE;
JACK: (To audience.) I must get that key. SINGING HARP: SOUNDS OF THE RUDE WORLD HEARD IN THE
DAY, LULL'D BY THE MOONLIGHT HAVE ALL PASSED AWAY. (As shesings, JACK steps closer and closer to her. On tiptoes, cautioning the audience to be quiet. GIANT snores.) BEAUTIFUL GI-ANT, KING OF MY SONG, UST WHILE I WOO THEE WITH SOFT MELODY; GONE ARE THE CARES OF LIFE'S BUSY THRONG, BEAUTIFUL GI-ANT SLEEP UNTO ME. (JACK snatches the keyfrom around her neck.)
JACK: Got itl SINGING HARP: Mostert Master! Awake! There's a thief in the castle! GIANT: (Groggy.) What say you? SINGING HARP: The keyl The keyl He's stolen the golden key! JACK: I've got to get out of here! (JACK dashes from the kitchen,
LEFT.) SINGING HARP: Thiefl Thiefl Thief in the castlel (GIANT startles fully
awake and rises from the table in a terrible fury.)GIANT: What's this? SINGING HARP: A boy! A boy! An English boy! He's stolen the
golden key! He's getting away! GIANT: That's what he thinks. Which way did he go? SINGING HARP: (Points LEFT.) That way, master. GIANT: I'll crush his bones! That's what I'll do. (GIANT picks up his
club and stomps after JACK.) Fee fi fo furn I smell the blood of an Englishman! (He's OUT. HOUSEKEEPERruns IN from RIGHT.)
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in the kingdom. But I must rescue my mother. (Sobs.)JACK: I've never seen a princess cry before. PRINCESS: I hope you never see a princess cry again. MOTHER: I'd like to give that Giant a piece of my mind. PRINCESS: He'd probably cook it. (LADY STUMBLE�MUMBLE
stumbles IN from LEFT. She carries a bag supposedly filled with gold coins. She's a clumsy girl who stumbles more than shewalks, and her dialogue always trails off into mumbles.)
LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE : Princess. (She stumbles.) Oops. PRINCESS: (To MOTHER.) You'll have to forgive my lady-in-waiting.
Lady Stumble-Mumble is clumsy, but she's loyal and has a good heart. · .
LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE : Only one bag of gold, Princess. That's all we've been able to manage.
PRINCESS: But the Giant insists on rtlQ. bags of gold. MOTHER: Greedy Giant. LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE : I know what we ought to do. OTHERS: What? LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE : First, we write out a petition to the Giant
and have everyone sign it. Then -- (At this point, her dialoguedissolves into a symphony of mumbles. Doesn't make anysense at all. A few words come out clear enough, but the restis a hopeless mess. OTHERS stare, trying hard to catch whatshe's saying.) -- we do this. (Mumble, mumble.) Then,. afterthat, we do this -- (Mumble, mumble.) If anyone objects�(Mumble, mumble.) Should the Giant refuse -- (Mumble,mumble.) Total victory -- (Mumble, mumble.) Cheers from the people -· (Mumble, mumble.) No more trouble in the kingdom -- (Mumble, mumble.) And all will end well. (OTHERS continue to stare. What on earth was she talking about? Finally.)
PRINCESS: Well, yes. Thank you, Lady Stumble-Mumble. That was most enlightening.
MOTHER: Princess Tulip, if only you ·could give us a little more time. PRINCESS: Could you pay something? Even a few coins would help.
A few coins would delay the sale. (LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLEopens the bag and thrusts it forward.)
JACK: We don't have so much as a penny, Lady Stumble-Mumble. (LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE mumbles, closes the bag;)
PRINCESS: I'm afraid if you don't have something by morning, the farm will be auctioned off. We .cmw ransom the Queen. As loyal subjects, I trust you will understand.
JACK: We are loyal subjects, Princess. Never doubt that. MOTHER: And we do understand, even if our hearts are breaking.
9
is, palm out, hand trembling.) HIGH SHERIFF: Princess Tulip. MOTHER: (Curtsies.) Princess. JACK: (Slight bow from the waist.) Princess. MOTHER: Quick, Jack. Fetch a chair for the Princess. JACK: I'm on my way, Mother. (He runs into cottage, or darts
behind the facade.) PRINCESS: I wanted to tell you myself, Jack's Mother. I wanted to
explain. MOTHER: You mean about the eviction? HIGH SHERIFF: (Slapping at his costume.) I've got the eviction notice
here somewhere. PRINCESS: The Giant is holding my mother hostage. MOTHER: I heard. PRINCESS: Unless I give him two bags of gold, he says he'll put my
mother in a blackbird pie. MOTHER: The beast! PRINCESS: In a blackbird pie sprinkled with cinnamon. MOTHER: I shouldn't think that would taste good. (JACKS RUNS
OUT with a chair.) JACK: Here we are, Mother. One chair for the Princess. (He
positions the chair CENTER.) MOTHER: Won't you sit, Princess? PRINCESS: You're most kind. But I mustn't stay long. There's so
much to be done. (PRINCESS moves to chair, sits.) HIGH SHERIFF: (To MOTHER.) You're not the only one to be evicted,
you know. PRINCESS: The only way I can raise the ransom is to foreclose on
those farms that haven't paid their taxes to the Crown. I've sold everything of value. My jewels, my ermine-trimmed robes, my silk dancing slippers. My three sparkling tiaras. It's not enough.
MOTHER: You poor, poor child. HIGH SHERIFF: Unless the taxes are paid, this farm will be
auctioned in the morning to the highest bidder. (Bangs staff on the ground.) Hear ye, hear ye -- and stuff like that.
JACK: But where will we live? HIGH SHERIFF: You can sleep in the palace garden with the others
who hove been evicted. (To PRINCESS.) I'll look about the place. Buyers always want to know if there's water on the property. (With great pomp, flourishing the staff as he walks, HIGH SHERIFF EXITS RIGHT.)
PRINCESS: I came to apologize. I've been apologizing to everyone
8
HOUSEKEEPER: What's the trouble? SINGING HARP: A boy is in the castle. HOUSEKEEPER: Ow! That's my boy! That's Jacki Where's
Gogmagog? SINGING HARP: Chasing after Jack. HOUSEKEEPER: Auuuuuugggghbbbbl My boy, my boy! My very own
boy! (Co/ls OUT.) We've got to save my boy! We've got to save Jacki (HOUSEKEEPER runs after GIANT to intercede. COOK and KITCHEN GIRL rush IN.)
COOK: We've got to save Jacki KITCHEN GIRL: We've got to save Jacki (COOK and KITCHEN GIRL
dash after HOUSEKEEPER. EXTRAS can also appear and join in, "We've got to save Jacki" SINGING HARP strolls OUT, RIGHT. Oblivious to all the uproar.)
SINGING HARP: BEAUTIFUL GI-ANT, KING OF MY SONG, LIST WHILE I WOO THEE WITH SOFT MELODY ... (She's gone. VOICES from OFFSTAGE, DOWN LEFT.)
VOICE: Jacki Jacki We've got to save Jacki (JACK runs IN from DOWN LEFT. He',s chased by HOUSEKEEPER, COOK and KITCHEN GIRL, EXTRAS, but not the GIANT. JACK runs OUT, UP RIGHT. OTHERS follow.) Jacki Jacki We've got to save Jack! (In a second, HOUSEKEEPER, COOK, KITCHEN GIRL, EXTRAS run bock ONSTAGE and OUT, UP LEFT.)
HOUSEKEEPER: My boy! My boy! My very own boy! (JACK runs IN and choses after the others. None of them have noticed that the GIANT isn't with them. However, when JACK leaves the stage this time, we hear the awful VOICE OF GOGMAGOG.)
GIANT'S VOICE: Come here, you miserable boy! JACK'S VOICE: You've got to catch me first. GIANT'S VOICE: Bahl HOUSEKEEPER'S VOICE: Run, Jack, runt VOICES/COOK & KITCHEN 'GIRL: Run, run, run! EXTRAS' VOICES: Run, run, run! GIANT'S VOICE: Eh? What's this? Rebellion? (JACK slides IN from
DOWN LEFT. He starts to run RIGHT, but is stopped by the entrance of the TROLL who holds a spear.)
TROLL: What a treat! I said one day I'd get even with you for your · rudeness. (Calls DOWN LEFT.) Gogmagog, I've got him. He'shere! (GIANT thumps IN, angry.)
GIANT: How did he get to my castle in the clouds? TROLL: The last time I saw this boy he had some beans. And I
noticed a bean stalk reaching up into the clouds not far away. He must have found a way to get up here.
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GIANT: Who is he? TROLL: He's a clever boy. His name is Jack Spriggins. GIANT: Sprigginsi Spriggins? Ah, yes, I destroyed the father and
now I will destroy the son. JACK: (Defiantly.) Never, Giant! GIANT: Where is the golden key you stole from my Singing Harp? JACK: That's for me to know and for you to find out. GIANT: Where is it, I say! Answer me! JACK: I gave it to someone. GIANT: Whoil JACK: That's for me to know and for you to find out. GIANT: Stop saying that. (And with that, GIANT swings at JACK with
the club. JACK, however, is too nimble and the club strikes the floor as he jumps aside. NOTE: As the fight between JACK and the GIANT plays, COOK and KITCHEN GIRL will run IN, look, and, horrified, dash OFF. EXJ"RAS, too. The GIANT's castle staff, with the exception of TROLL, are a bunch of silly zanies.)
TROLL: This is the end of you, Jack Spriggins. JACK: Think so? TROLL: Know so. (With a horrible GRUNT, the GIANT whacks,
again, at JACK. And, again, nimbly, JACK jumps aside.) GIANT: Away with the club, I'll use my hands! (GIANT tosses aside
the club and grabs for JACK. Unfortunately, the move is so fast it catches the boy off guard and GOGMAGOG gets him in a hammer lock. JACK struggles.)
TROLL: Try breaking free of that, Jack Spriggins! Hee, hee, hee. (Next, GIANT throws an arm around JACK's throat and begins to draw tight.)
JACK: I -- can't - breathe. (Gleefully, TROLL steps down to audience and exclaims --)
TROLL: Did you hear that? Jack can't breath. Poor Jock. Poor, poor Jack Spriggins. (Tighter and tighter the grip of the GIANT squeezes.)
GIANT: Be he alive or be he dead I'll grind his bones to make my bread!
TROLL: (Dancing about.) Fee fi fo fuml Fee fi fo fuml (Stops, to audience as he points to almost breathless JACK.) This is the end of Jack. Say goodbye to Jock, everyone. (Waves.) 'Bye, 'bye, Jack. Nothing can save him nowl (As if in answer, the doors at the rear of the auditorium fling open dnd the VILLAGERS rush IN. For weapons they carry hoes and rakes. To include: MOTHER, SUSAN, SCARECROW GIRL, VILLAGER # 1 and #2, LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE, HIGH
38
HIGH SHERIFF: Respect, respect. Yes, respect. TROLL: (Commands.) Bow to the Giant's troll, you insignificant lump. HIGH SHERIFF: (Offended.) See here, Troll, I'm a man of great
importance. I hove position in society. I don't bow to trolls. TROLL: Bow or I'll tell the Giant on you! HIGH SHERIFF: (Bowing and scraping all over the stage.) Yes, yes,
Your Horribleness. Whatever you say, Your Repulsiveness. A pleasure to bow and scrape before you, Your Grossness. Please extend my compliments to your master, the Giant. (As the HIGH SHERIFF humbles himself, TROLL dances about in glee. JACK and his MOTHER stand close, fascinated by the scene.)
TROLL: Bow, bow, bow. Hee, hee, hee. (Suddenly, TROLL stops. Looks about.) Eh? What's this?
MOTHER: What's what? TROLL: Where is it? JACK: It? TROLL: The chicken! The chicken that lays the golden eggs! HIGH SHERIFF: Chicken that lays golden eggs? TROLL: Shut up, fool. (Frantic.) Where is it? Where is it? JACK: I don't know. MOTHER: It was here a moment ago. TROLL: (Speaks to the first row.) Have you seen the chicken?
(Whether or not anyone answers, TROLL LEAVES the STAGE and moves into the AUDIENCE. At first, his words are loud, as he questions spectators sitting in aisle seats -- "Have you seen the chicken?" But as he moves up the aisle, his voice grows less audible -- "The chicken?" "Have you seen the chicken?" "The chicken that lays the golden eggs?" Eventually, he E>aTS at the back of the auditorium. As TROLL moves up the aisle, OTHERS move to the �dge of the STAGE and stare after him.) ·
HIGH SHERIFF: What an unpleasant fellow. I'd slop him in irons if he didn't beldng to the Giant.
MOTHER: If you were a proper High Sheriff, you'd arrest the Giant. HIGH SHERIFF: Qviet! (Shaking in fear.) He might be listening. JACK: Why must everyone fear the Giant? Why don't we do
something oqout him? (MOTHER slaps one hand over her son's mouth. She and HIGH SHERIFF look upwards -- as if they feared the Giant might be listening. PRINCESS TULIP, a pretty girl, ENTERS (EFT.· She has a lovely smile but, at the moment, she's quite unhappy.)
PRINCESS: Oh, dear. You got here before me, High Sheriff. (HIGH SHERIFF comes to attention and salutes in stupid fashion. That
7
giant one. Where'd you get this bird? JACK: We found it on the ground. Long ago. MOTHER: It was only a little bundle of feathers. TROLL: This must be the chicken that fell out of the Giant's kitchen
window. You're giving me back something that doesn't belong to you in the first place. That's a special chicken.
JACK: You mean because it's so large? TROLL: I mean because it can lay golden eggs. (JACK and MOTHER
are stunned, then amused.) BOTH: Golden eggs? Ha, ha, ha. TROLL: What's so funny? MOTHER: Why, this chicken has never laid a single ordinary egg. TROLL: I tell you it's the Giant's giant chicken. If it doesn't lay
golden eggs it will soon be on the Giant's dinner plate. MOTHER: Qhl TROLL: Covered in gravy and string beans. (Alarmed at the
prospect of ending up on a dinner plate, CHICKEN SQUAWKS in outrage. JACK drops his end of the rope.)
HIGH SHERIFF'S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) There's nothing to fear. High Sheriff Dumdum's here.
JACK: (Looks LEFT.) It's the High Sheriff. TROLL: The silly fool. (Unseen by the OTHERS, the CHICKEN gathers
up the rope and LEAVES the STAGE. It runs up an aisle and OUT at the rear of the auditorium. HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM ENTERS wearing some sort of uniform or official robe. He's a pompous man, impressed by his position in life. He carries a long staff decorated by ribbons or a gold knob at the top -the symbol of his lofty office.)
HIGH SHERIFF: Good day to you, Jack. Good day to you, Jack's Mother.
MOTHER: How can it be a good day when we're to be evicted? (She throws her apron to her face and sobs.)
HIGH SHERIFF: That's neither here nor there. You haven't paid your taxes. Pay up or get out.
TROLL: You tell them, High Sheriff. What a nice job you have. Tossing people out of their homes. How I envy you. (Only now does the HIGH SHERIFF notice the TROLL. Startled, he jumps back.)
HIGH SHERIFF: Bless mel It's a troll. MOTHER: Not just any troll. JACK: It's the troll that works for the Giant. HIGH SHERIFF: (Shaking in fear.) I didn't recognize you. TROLL: Naturally. Otherwise, you'd show more respect.
6
SHERIFF, PRINC ESS TULIP, EXTRAS. T hey YELL OUT encouragement as they thunder down the aisle(s).)
VILLAGERS: We're here, Jacki Hang on, Jacki Help is on the way! We're coming, Jacki Down with bad giants!
JACK: (Can't believe it.) Mother? TROLL: (Terrified.) Y ipes! GIANT: How did they get to my castle? The beanstalk? TROLL: (Tosses aside the spear.) I'll check with you later, Giant. I
think I hear the bucket calling. (TROLL runs OUT, LEFT.) GIANT: (Calls after him.) Traitor! (Upset by the VILLAGER's arrival,
GIANT loosens his hold on JACK. JACK springs for the spear and picks it up. By now, VILLAGERS reach the stage and push into the kitchen. Suddenly, they are face to face with the GIANT and their energy seems to drain away. No one moves. GIANT looks at them and, then --) Grrrrrrrrrrrl (VILLAGERS take a jump back.)
VILLAGERS: Ohl GIANT: Hahahal You are nothing but insects! I shall swat you all.
(He slaps one hand into the palm of the other. Again, VILLAGERS jump back.) Hohahal
PRINCESS: (Bravely.) Where's my mother? GIANT: Where's my gold? MOTHER: Did he hurt you, Jock? JACK: Where did you find the courage to climb the beanstalk? HIGH SHERIFF: You gave it to us, Jack. Although I must soy
climbing a beanstalk is not very dignified for a man of my importance.
SUSAN: We figured if you had enough courage to climb by yourself, we'd have enough if we all stuck together.
VILLAGER #1: What a climb- it was. SCARECROW GIRL: Looks like we got here just in time. VILLAGER #2: (Looks about.) Look at this kitchen. It's big enough
for a giant. (Slowly, the GIANT's fury has been building. Finally, it�.)
GIANT: I'll deal with you all, one by .one! I'll crush you, one by one. I'll destroy you, one by one!
VILLAGERS: (Another jump back.) Oh! GIANT: But first I'll finish with you, Jack Spriggins. (He stoops for the
club. OTHERS pull back to the sides of the kitchen. At this point, you might introduce the strobe light(s), if available. Or,
39
play some thrilly FIGHT MUSIC. JACK and GIANT duel -- as if they each were holding fencing foils. The GIANT' s club is awkward but powerful. JACK jumps here and there, poking with the spear. VILLAGERS react, interjecting comments. MOTHER and SUSAN cling to one another. The club strikes and hits the floor. JACK pokes with the spear. The combatants move UPSTAGE, LEFT.)
MOTHER/SUSAN: Careful, sonl Careful, Jacki Jump away from himl Watch out for that clubl Etc.
VILLAGERS: Do something, High Sheriff! Arrest that giant! Eekl I hate violence! Etc. (Finally, the GIANT hoists the· club high over his head and with horrific a GROAN he swings it toward JACK. The lad leaps aside and the club hits the floor with a THUD. The force of this maneuver has taken all the GIANT's strength for the moment. He lets the club drop from his grip and � �- Seeing his chance, JACK aims the spear at the GIANT's midsection and cries out as he thrusts -- )
JACK: For England and Good Queen Violet! (The force of the thrust causes the GIANT to back pedal and OUT, UP LEFT. With the spear still at the GIANT's midsection, JACK pushes after him.)
VILLAGERS: For England and Good Queen Violet! (Some VILLAGERS rush UP LEFT and look OFFSTAGE. Dialogue fast and excited.)
PRINCESS: Can you see anything? SUSAN: I see Jack. MOTHER: I see the Giant. HIGH SHERIFF: The Giant's by the casement window! JACK'S VOICE: Out you go, evil Giant! (We hear a LONG
DESCENDING WAIL from the GIANT as he falls from the castle -- over sound system, if possible.)
SUSAN: The Giant fell from the window! VILLAGERS: Hooray! (They pull aside as JACK returns.) Hooray,
hooray, Jacki JACK: (Moves CENTER.) We have nothing more to fear from that
wicked Giant. (APPLAUSE. QUEEN rushes IN. No bars.) QUEEN: Tulip! PRINCESS: Mother! (They embrace.) LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: How did you get free, Your Majesty? QUEEN: The housekeeper unlocked my cell. (HOUSEKEEPER ENTERS
DOWN LEFT with the key.)
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MOTHER: We have nothing else. You've been here before. MISS PRISS' VOICE: Mooooooooo. TROLL: What's that? It's a cow. Give me the cow. MOTHER: Miss Priss? Never. JACK: You heard my mother. Never. (Motions with broom.) Now,
you get out of here. TROLL: Careful, Jack. Careful. I'll tell the Giant on you. Hee, hee,
hee. He eats. lads like you -- seasoned with salt and sprinkled with pepper. (MOTHER hugs JACK close.) Hee, hee, hee.
MOTHER: You're horrid. TROLL: (Takes this as a compliment.) Thank you. (Stern.) If you
don't give my tribute to take to my master he'll destroy this cottage with one great sneeze!
MOTHER: Ohl This is my home. TROLL: As if I didn't know. (Tormenting her.) Ach-choo. MOTHER: (Wipes away a tear.) If it isn't Miss Priss it'll have to be the
other. JACK: But, Mother --MOTHER: No arguments, Jack. We have enough trouble. We
mustn't anger the Giant. JACK: (Dutiful.) If you say so. (Dejected, head low, JACK EXITS UP
RIGHT.) TROLL.: (To audience.) Everybody has to pay tribute to the Giant. It's
the law. The Giant's law. MOTHER: (Tentative.) Is it true what I've heard? TROLL: That depends on what you've heard. MOTHER: The Giant has seized Good Queen Violet. TROLL: True, true, true. It's up to Princess Tulip to come upwith the
ransom money. Otherwise, Good Queen Violet will be Gone Queen Violet. Hee, hee, hee; (Does a weird little dance, hopping about on one foot .) Fee fi fo furn I smell the blood of an Englishman. (To MOTHER.) That's my master's favorite poem. Isn't it lovely? He's a sensitive brute. (Dances some more.) Be he alive or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to bake my bread.
JACK'S VOICE: Here we are, Mother. (JACK REAPPEARS holding a long rope. He's pulling something into the yard. In a moment it appears. It's a GIANT CHICKEN [HEN]. Walks birdlike and darts its head from side to side.)
CHICKEN: Cheep, cheep, cheep. MOTHER: Such a lovely chicken. Never gives me a bit of trouble. JACK: We raised it from a chick. TROLL: (Studies the bird.) What's this? This is no ordinary hen. It's a
5
as -- BLACKOUT -- followed by the SOUND OF SOMETHING WOODEN SLAMMING to earth with a great THUD.)
TROLL'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE LEFT.) (LIGHTS UP as ALL stand
and look, LEFT.) VILLAGE WOIM.N # 1 : (Shaking.) Who -- who -- who -VILLAGE WOIM.N #2: Is it? VILLAGE WOIM.N #1: It's not the Giant, is it? JACK: Of course not. He couldn't fit in the bucket. (Bravely, JACK
marches LEFT and looks OFF.) SUSAN: (Guardedly.) Who is it, Jack? JACK: It's the Giant's henchman. The Troll. VILLAGE WOIM.N #1: The Troll?! He's as bad as the Giant! MOTHER: Worse! VILLAGE WOIM.N #2: Creepy things, trolls! VILLAGE WOIM.N # 1 : I can't abide them! TROLL'S VOICE: (Drawing near.) Fee fi fo furn
I smell the blood of an Englishman. SCARECROW GIRL: He's coming this way! VILLAGE WOIM.N #1: Let's get out of here. VILLAGE WO/M.N #2: Run! (VILLAGERS run out RIGHT, followed by
SUSAN and then SCARECROW GIRL.) MOTHER: Jack,what are we going to do? JACK: Fear not, Mother. I'll protect you. (JACK grabs away the
broom from his MOTHER's grip and holds it like a musket. Muttering and snarling, TROLL ENTERS. He [or she] is a nasty-looking critter dressed in rags, covered in matted green hair with a large wart on his chin and a long pointed nose. He's mean and vicious and delights in tormenting others. He notices MOTHER and JACK. Points to them, speaks to audience.)
TROLL: What have we got here? Jack the blockhead and his mother the pinhead. Hee, hee, hee.
MOTHER: (Flutters her apron.) Go away. Shoo. No trolls. Shoo, shoo, I say.
TROLL: Bah. Don't provoke me. I had a rough ride in the bucket. (Rubs his backside.) I wish there were another way to get down here. (Steps to MOTHER.) Gold, gold. My master, the Giant, demands gold.
JACK:' Then your master, the Giant, will be disappointed. There's no gold on this farm.
TROLL: Hmmmm. If you don't have any gold, you've got to give me something else.
4
HOUSEKEEPER: My boy Jack tossed me the key when the Giant was chasing him.
MOTHER: Your boy? (COOK and KITCHEN GIRL run IN UP LEFT.) COOK: Oh, dear, dear. What a mess! KITCHEN GIRL: The Giant fell to the village and slammed through
the ground and just kept going. COOK: He's halfway to China now. (BEAN-SELLER ENTERS, RIGHT.) BEAN-SELLER: What did I tell you -- magic beans. VILLAGER # l: How did you get here? BEAN-SELLER: I've been here all the time. In case Jack needed me.
There's someone here for you, Jack. JACK: For me? Who? (In trots MISS PRISS.) MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000.VILLAGERS: Miss Priss! MISS PRISS: Moooo-00000.SUSAN: (To BEAN-SELLER.) You mean we can have her bock? BEAN-SELLER: If you wont her. MOTHER: We do, we do. JACK: (Hugs MISS PRISS.) It's so good to see you, Miss Priss. HIGH SHERIFF: (To BEAN-SELLER.) Just who ore you, sir? BEAN-SELLER: (A wink to the audience.) That's for me to know and
for you to find out. MOTHER: Even with the Giant gone we're still poor as poor can be. QUEEN: Let me show my appreciation to the lad who rescued us
all. (To JACK.) Kneel, Jack. MOTHER: Kneel? LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE: Jack is going to be knighted. Isn't that
wonder-der-der -- (Off she goes with the MUMBLING again.) PRINCESS: But we don't have the royal knighting sword. HOUSEKEEPER: If it's a sword you want, I know just the thing. (To
COOK.) The Giant's table knife. COOK: (To KITCHEN GIRL.) F.etch. KITCHEN GIRL: Good as done. (KITCHEN GIRL crosses to table and
picks up the long table knife. Holds it up for good audience view. It's large enough to be a sword. Hands it to the QUEEN. Curtsies, steps back. QUEEN indicates that JACK should kneel. He kneels on one knee. Silence. No one moves.)
QUEEN: So that all future generations will know that a youngster who has imagination and courage is someone "special", I dub thee -- "Jack, the Giant-Slayer." (She touches each shoulder with the tip of the GIANT's knife.) Accept our gratitude and appreciation. Arise, Sir Jack Spriggins.
OTHERS: Sir?
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Aggggguuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhh!
MOTHER: (About to pass out.) My sonl A noblemanl I always knew he'd amount to something.
JACK: Thank you, Your Majesty. A great honor. QUEEN: No more than you deserve. (APPLAUSE. CHICKEN ENTERS
in a state of excitement, CLUCKING merrily.) CHICKEN: Cluck, cluck, cluck. Cheep. cheep, cheepl SUSAN: It's our hen! (Proudly, CHICKEN holds out -- a go/den egg.) ALL: A golden eggl CHICKEN: (Boasting.) Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! I did itl I did it! (JACK
steps to her, takes the golden egg and holds it up for all to see.)
JACK: We're not poor any longer, Mother. Nor is the village. Nor is the kingdom.
ALL: Hoorayl HOUSEKEEPER: (Happily.) Everybody get a chair. We'll celebrate. I'll
serve up a nice batch of Wigglewaggle! JACK: (Horrified.) Wigglewaggle? Oh, no!
End of Play
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SCARECROW GIRL:' Good morning, ladies. VILLAGERS: Good morning, Scarecrow Girl. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: (Indicates #1.) She means Sheriff Dumdum
is headed t�is way. SUSAN: The High Sheriff? JACK: Why? VILLAGE WOMAN #1: You're going to be evicted. MOTHER/JACK/SUSAN: (Horrified.) Evictedl? SCARECROW GIRL: What's that mean -- �?VILLAGE WOMAN #2: It means he's going to toss everyone off this
farm. SCARECROW GIRL: That's horrible! (Bawls.) Boo-hoo, boo-hoo,
boo-hooooooo. MISS PRISS' VOICE: (As if in answer.) Mooooooooo. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: Something about non-payment of taxes. MOTHER: Taxes? Who has money to pay taxes? SUSAN: Besides, Good Queen Violet would never let us be evicted.
She's too kind for that. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: (Surprised.) Then you haven't heard? JACK: Heard what? VILLAGE WOMAN #2: Good Queen Violet has been taken away by
-- (She stops and nervously looks over her shoulder. She's afraid someone or something, bad might be listening.)
SUSAN: Taken away by what? JACK: Taken away by who? VILLAGERS: The Giant! (Reaction.) JACK: (Angrily.) The Giantl The Giant! Always the Giant. Will we
never be free of the Giantl VILLAGE WOMAN #1: He's demanding a huge ransom from
Princess Tulip. Either she pays up or she'll never see her mother again.
SCARECROW GIRL: That's awfull (Bowls.) Boo-hoo, boo-hooooooo. MISS PRISS' VOICE: Moooo-00000. SUSAN: (Looks upward.) He's lucky his castle is up there in·the
clouds. (OTHERS look upward.) Where no one can reach him. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: Who'd want to?VILLAGE WOMAN #2: The less we know of the Giant the better.
That's what I .say. JACK: (Points upward.) look therel (ALL squint upward;) It's the
traveling bucket! · ALL: (To audience.) The Giant's sending someone downl JACK: (Agitated.) Here it comes! Take covert All: 00000000000. (ALL cover their heads and drop to the ground
3
SCARECROW GIRL: It's the early bird that gets the worm. SUSAN: Good morning, Scarecrow Girl. SCARECROW GIRL: Good morning, Susan. JACK: What's in the basket? Something good to eat, I hope. (Rubs
his tummy with a circular motion.) I haven't tasted food in such a long time.
SUSAN: Who has? I thought I might forage up some berries for breakfast. But there isn't a berry to be had. The birds have eaten them all.
MISS PRISS' VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE RIGHT.) Moooo-poooo. (JACKreacts, steps RIGHT. Looks OFF.)
JACK: It's Miss Priss. She's hungry, too. She can't give milk, y'know, if she doesn't eat.
SUSAN: (To audience.) How true. MISS PRISS' VOICE: Moooo-00000. (JACK's MOTHER STEPS from
the cottage door. Or, from behind it. She has an old broom.)MOTHER: Any luck with the berries, Susan? SUSAN: Not a one. MOT HER: Tsk, tsk. SUSAN: The birds got them all. SCARECROW GIRL: Good morning, Jack's Mother. (Lowers her
arms.) MOTHER: Good morning, Scarecrow Girl. (Sweeping here and
there.) It does seem to me you might have scared off those birds. After all, it's your job.
SCARECROW GIRL: They come at night. I can't see them in the dork and they can't see me.
SUSAN: Unless there's a moon. SCARECROW GIRL: The moon wasn't shining last night. MOTHER: Nothing to eat, nothing to eat. Same old song. Soon we'll
be nothing but skin and bones. SCARECROW GIRL: Bones and skin, bones and skin. JACK: Cheer up. Something good is bound to happen. MOTHER: (Stops sweeping. To audience.) My son Jack is such on
optimistic lad. Not as bright as he appears -- but optim;stic. (VILLAGE WOMAN # 1 and VILLAGE WOMAN #2 ENT�R LEFTin a state of excitement. Each wears an apron and car,.-ies a basket.)
VILLAGE WOMAN #1: (To MOTHER.) You poor, poor woman. MOTHER: I can't deny the truth. I'm poor. Plain enough to see. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: We're all poor in this wretched village. (Nods
to # 1.) But that isn't what she means. SUSAN: What does she mean?
2
PRODUCTION NOTES STAGE PROPERTIES
ACT ONE: Door to cottage, or cut-out front [facade] of cottage, backdrop cloth or some scenery flats illustrated with view of painted fields.
ACT TWO: Painte.d scenery flat to represent portion of stove/oven. Table for stove (front covered with paper or practical oven "door"). Side table with: pots, pans, cooking .utensils. Di�hwaretable with: cups, saucers, funnel, plates, basin for washing, towel. Dinner table with chair or stool for Giant. Also on dinner table: Oversized cup [pail], ketchup bottle, knife.
ACT ONE - Brought On: Scene One - Basket (SUSAN); old broom, apron (MOTHER); basket (VILLAGE WOMAN # l and #2); long rope for chicken (JACK); long staff with ribbons (HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM); chair (JACK); bags of coins (LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE).
Brought On: Scene Two - Pint bottle of ?1ilk (C�W -- from inside costume) -- con be wooden bottle painted white, or small dairy bottle painted white.
Brought On: Scene Three - Market products: fruits, vegetabl�s, flowers, eggs, toy goose (SELLERS, VILLAGERS); tray with dipped apples and sticks (VILLAGE WOMAN #2); hand bell (HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM); bag of coins (LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE). Cloak, hat with feather, pouch with 5 beans, jelly beans work very well (BEAN-SELLER.)
Brought On: Scene Four - Pouch with 5 beans, or jelly beans (JACK).
Brought On: Scene Five - Pouch with 5 beans, or jelly beans (JACK). Stepl�dder beanstalk (pushed on during blackout).
ACT TWO - Brought On: Lorge platter with rope (spaghetti) and red paint (sauce) (COOK); large platter with pie (shaving cream) (KITCHEN GIRL); prop food (EXTRAS); chef cap and apron (KITCHEN STAFF); beans, or jelly beans (BEAN-SELLER); b�wl and spoon (HOUSEKEEPER); club (GIANT); small set of prison bars wrist chains (QUEEN); pitcher (COOK); bed sheet or whit� beach towel (COOK, KITCHEN GIRL); tiny saucer
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(KITCHEN GIRL); tiny cup (COOK); floor broom (KITCHEN GIRL); string with golden key (SINGING HARP); hoes and rakes (VILLAGERS); golden egg (CHICKEN).
SOUND: Rooster crowing (can be done by an actor), large wooden bucket hitting the ground (can be done by slamming a bundle of newspapers to the floor,· or tipping over a stack of wooden boxes), weird music or sound effects for growth of beanstalk. Lively music. Offstage thumping (walking) of Giant (optional), fight music.
LIGHTING: Blackout(s), optional green light for beanstalk, Giant "light'' (when he first enters scene), optional strobes.
COSTUMES: As indicated in script. The usual "once-upon-a-time" wardrobe (Consult Sheila Smolensky's Costuming forChildren's Theatre/Pioneer Drama Service.) Mentioned here are only those items that deserve special attention.
SCARECROW GIRL: She should look as much like a real scarecrow · as possible. Funny hot, strange makeup. Straw sticking from her sleeves, shoes and hat.
COW (MISS PRISS): Use two actors, one for front and one for rear. If you can't get an actual "cow" costume, have actors wear white trousers, a blanket to suggest cowhide and create a "head." Same if you are using only one actor. A suit of long white underwear will work. Rent a cow head from a costume store or "create." Gloves for hooves.
GIANT CHICKEN: Again, a rental costume is the easiest way to go, but if you have to create one, actor con wear a suit of long underwear dyed brown (red will work). Covered arms for wings. Tail feathers, beak. Yellow gloves. If you have access to some other "poultry'' costume, don't be afraid to substitute -GOOSE, DUCK.
THE GIANT: He should look as big as possible -- certainly "bigger" than anyone else on stage. To do this he should wear clumsy boots that are somewhat difficult to walk in. The soles con be extra thick ta add a few inches. Give him a high hot to odd height. If not that, a bushy fright wig. He should wear a scary full beard and a wide belt. Body padding for bulk. Gloves. To
44
JACK AND THE MAGIC BEANS
SY NOPSIS OF SCENES The action of the play takes place long ago, in the Land of the Giant.
ACT ONE Scene One: The farm belonging to Jack's mother Scene Two: On the road to the village square Scene Three: The village square Scene Four: The rood again Scene Five: Bock on the form
ACT TWO The kitchen in the Giant's castle, up in the clouds.
ACTONE Scene One
The form belonging to JACK'$ mother. Day. The door to the cottage is STAGE RIGHT. T here's a DROP showing painted fields across the back of the STAGE. Or, there can be a couple of scenery FLATS UPSTAGE with a view of the field$ painted on. SCARECROW GIRL if positioned UP CENTER, facing the audience, arms sticking out.
At Rise: SOUND OF ROOSTER CROWING. In a moment; the door opens and OUT STEPS JACK. Or, if the door is not practical, he steps INTO VIEW from behinq the cottage facade. JACK's a lively young fellow. He loves od.v�nture. He yawns and stretches out his arms. Again •• SOUND OF ROOSTER CROWING.
JACK: Oh, what a fine night's sleep· I had. (Steps tower� audience.)I know todoy is going to bring good fortune. I feel 1t. (To SCARECROW GIRL.) Good morning, Scarecrow Girl.
SCARECROW GIRL: Good morning, Jock. JACK: It's going to be a beautiful day. SCARECROW GIRL: If you say so, Jack. SUSAN'S VOICE: (From OFFSTAGE LEFT.) Is f�qf you, Jae�? JACK: (Calls LEFT.) Of course it's me. (To avd1,11r:;�.) That s my sister
Susan. (SUSAN ENTERS. She's about JACK'$ pge and hos no time for nonsense. Carries o small straw b<1slcet.)
SUSAN: About time you were getting up. I've been out of bed for an hovr.
1
JACK AND THE MAGIC BEANS adapted and dramatized from the Benjamin Tobert version of the English folktale, "The History of Jack Spriggins and the Enchanted Bean."
By VERA MORRIS
CHARACTERS In Order Of Appearance
SCARECROW GIRL the crows are smarter than she IS
JACK brave young lad SUSAN JACK'S MOTHER VILLAGE WOMAN #1 VILLAGE WOMAN #2 THE TROLL THE CHICKEN
HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM PRINCESS TULIP LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE
MISS PRISS* BEAN.SELLER COOK KITCHEN GIRL HOUSEKEEPER
Jack's sister about to lose her farm lives in feor of the Giant more of the same works for Giant; nasty no turkey when it comes to brains full of self-importance lovely girl; dutiful daughter her lady-in-waiting, mumbles and stumbles Jack's cow mysterious visitor likes to look busy ·busy, busyfamous for making Wiggle-waggle
GIANT· a terrible brute with a · fierceappetite
GOOD QUEEN VIOLET prisoner of the GiantSINGING HARP can lull the Giant to sleepEXTRA VILLAGERS, SERVANTS as/if desired
•MISS PRISS, the cow, can be played by one or two performers
add menace he carries the club. Maybe false ears.
SINGING HARP: If the harp cut-out can't be attached to the costume, simply have the actress carry it. Naturally, this is a "small" harp, or a lute.
MISCELLANEOUS: Flexible Casting - SCARECROW GIRL can be switched to a male character -- SCARECROW. THE TROLL can be female instead of male. CHICKEN can be portrayed by an actress or an actor. MISS PRISS con be two boys, two girls or mixed. BEAN-SELLER can be either male or female. COOK can be changed from a female role to a male one. A talented actress might also be considered for the role of JACK.
EXTRAS can be used as servants in the Giant's castle, VILLAGERS.
Ploy can easily be performed with on all-female cost.
COW DANCE: Although the dance is strictly optional, give it consideration. It's a great audience pleaser. MISS PRISS might tap-dance or waltz. Be creative. For example, someone might bring out a stool and the hind end might sit. Hind end's feet "dance" one way, while the feet belonging to the front end can "dance" in the opposite direction, etc.
THE BEANSTALK: Quite simple. The stepladder is shoved or rolled into position during the blackout. It should be as "bushy'' and as green as you can make it (vines, leaves). JACK only climbs a step or two -- slowly -- before the curtain closes or the stage lighting goes to black.
MARKET DAY: Some lively music helps in setting the mood. Some pennants or flags might be dropped from overhead. Someone could carry a bunch of balloons, or pretty scarves on a pole, to "color" the scene.
GIANT HAS HIS LUNCH: This will prove a wildly funny scene. DON'T END IT TOO SOON. As you rehearse the nonsense, all manner of business will present itself. If it looks good, use it. Audience should see a mad, frantic scene of constant motion. Comings-and-goings. Busy, busy, busy. MUSIC and LIGHT will add to the onstage comedy.
45
Jack and the Magic Beans
By Vera Morris
© Copyright 1991, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc.
Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155.
All rights to this play—including but not limited to amateur, professional, radio broadcast, television, motion picture, public reading and translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given.
These rights are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention or with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, including Canada, Mexico, Australia and all nations of the United Kingdom.
COPYING OR REPRODUCING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW.
On all programs, printing and advertising, the following information must appear:
1. The full name of the play2. The full name of the playwright3. The following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with
Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado”
Suggested stage setting - Act I The Parm Belonging to Jack's Mother
Upstage
Forestage (road)
Suggested stage setting - Act II The Kitchen in the Giant's Castle
Audience
Upstage
PotJ&Pa� Table n
Oiaol's Chair
Giant's Table
Forestage
Audience
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DisbWlle Table
FORMS& TOOLS
Character/Scene Breakdown
Audition Application
Audition Notes
Casting
Contact Information
Rehearsal Schedule
Lighting Cues
Sound Cues
Props List
[Please feel free to reproduce these forms as needed for your production.]
CHARACTER/SCENE BREAKDOWN
Scene 1 Scene 2 Scene 3 Scene 4 Scene 5SCARECROW GIRL X X X
JACK X X X X X XSUSAN X X X X X
JACK'S MOTHER X X XVILLAGE WOMAN #1 X X X XVILLAGE WOMAN #2 X X X X
THE TROLL X X X XTHE CHICKEN X X
HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM X X X XPRINCESS TULIP X X X
LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE X X X XMISS PRISS X X X X
BEAN-SELLER X XCOOK X
KITCHEN GIRL XHOUSEKEEPER X
GIANT XGOOD QUEEN VIOLET X
SINGING HARP XEXTRAS/VILLAGERS/SERVANTS X X
ACT ONEJACK AND THE MAGIC BEANS
ACT TWO
X = APPEARS IN SCENE
JACK AND THE MAGIC BEANSAUDITION APPLICATION
Name: Phone:
Male Female Age: Grade:
Parent/Guardian: Phone:
Are you willing to accept any role? Yes No
Which roles are you most interested in? (circle all that apply):
SCARECROW GIRL JACK SUSAN JACK’S MOTHER
VILLAGE WOMAN THE TROLL THE CHICKEN HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM
PRINCESS TULIP LADY STUMBLE-MUMBLE MISS PRISS BEAN-SELLER
COOK KITCHEN GIRL HOUSEKEEPER GIANT
GOOD QUEEN VIOLET SINGING HARP EXTRA
Casting Agreement:
I agree to play any role assigned to me without complaint. In doing so, I also agree to wear the costumes, wig, or hairstyle of the director’s choosing.
Student Signature: Date:
Attendance Agreement:
By accepting a role, I agree to attend all mandatory rehearsals and performances for Jack and the Magic Beans as defi ned by the rehearsal schedule. I also agree to abide by all theater rules while at rehearsals and performances.
Student Signature: Date:
Parent Agreement:
I understand the commitments required for my child to participate in Jack and the Magic Beans, including attendance at all mandatory rehearsals and performances as defi ned by the rehearsal schedule, and agree to support my child’s involvement in this activity by ensuring that they are in attendance when necessary.
Parent Signature: Date:
AUDITION NOTES Character # of lines
Scarecrow Girl 27
Jack 167
Susan 58
Jack’s Mother 73
Village Woman #1 19
Village Woman #2 16
The Troll 56
The Chicken 11
High Sheriff Dumdum 35
Princess Tulip 23
Lady Stumble-Mumble 16
Miss Priss 24
Bean-Seller 26
Cook 28
Kitchen Girl 26
Housekeeper 63
AUDITION NOTES CONT. Character # of lines
Giant 59
Good Queen Violet 19
Singing Harp 16
Extras 20
Scarecrow Girl
Jack
Susan
Jack’s Mother
Village Woman #1
Village Woman #2
The Troll
The Chicken
High Sheriff Dumdum
Princess Tulip
Lady Stumble-Mumble
Miss Priss
Bean-Seller
Cook
Kitchen Girl
Housekeeper
Giant
Good Queen Violet
Singing Harp
Extras
CASTING Character Actor
CONTACT INFO
Scarecrow Girl
Jack
Susan
Jack’s Mother
Village Woman #1
Village Woman #2
The Troll
The Chicken
High Sheriff Dumdum
Princess Tulip
Lady Stumble-Mumble
Miss Priss
Name: Phone:
Parent: Phone:
Email:
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CONTACT INFO. CONT.
Bean-Seller
Cook
Kitchen Girl
Housekeeper
Giant
Good Queen Violet
Singing Harp
Extras
Name: Phone:
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CONTACT INFO. CONT.
Crew MembersName: Phone:
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Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Th ursday Friday Saturday
REHEARSAL SCHEDULEW
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Page Cue Eff ect Required
LIGHTING CUES
Page Cue Eff ect Required
SOUND CUES
Location Page Item Onstage
PROPS LIST
Stage Right
Stage Left
Brought onby Actor