To whom it may concern:

Let the bearer of this passport

enter and exit Diesel Island territory

at will, without any requirements

of visa, taking off their shoes or having

to throw away their ridiculously 

overpriced water at airport gates...

for this person is a citizen

of Diesel Island.

( F l a t t e r i n g f u l lb o d y p h o t o g r a p h )

HAVE A N ICE BAY

SEXUAL ENERGYFACT ORY

GOAT ’ S BALLSSHAPED L AGOON

OOPSYCL IFFS

P IRATE RAD IOSTAT ION

P ILLOW F IGHTTRENCHES

SHAKE AND MOAN BUSHES

CROOKED SENAT OR ’ SPATH

ADDICT I VEGRAFF IT I BAY

HONEST POL IT IC I AN ’ SREPOSE

EVERY REL IG IONRETRE AT

SOC IAL MEDIAREHAB CENTER

BACHELOR PART IES L AGOON

FREE BAY

For a v i r tua l t our o f t h e i s l and , go t o www.d i e s e l . c om

T H E D R E A MAll countries are f***ed up. With capital asterisks.

Some of them, beyond hope.

Now, what would it be like to start a nation from scratch?To take what’s great from the countries we knowand to ditch what is bad. To re-write the laws.

To right social wrongs.

To apply the principles of Stupid to a new land,free from the dumb laws and regulations that we don’t even

question anymore. A new and better society. There’s no stupider idea than this.

We had two options: to conquer an island by invadingand killing its natives (like other countries did and still do),

or to offer them money for it.

Well, Diesel has high moral values, and you wouldn’t believe the price of weapons these days, so it was an easy choice.

Then, we needed to give it a name. And after months and months of thinking, we came up with a highly original

& utterly unexpected name: Diesel Island.

The real land of the Stupid and home of the Brave.

T H E B I R T H O F A N A T I O NFilled with hopes, aspirations, a few suitcases with really

cool clothing, and quite a bit of cash,the pioneers arrived at Diesel Island to form a new nation.

There was a slight problem because the island belongs toanother country, but as long as their military doesn’t find out

that we’ve declared independence, we’ll be fine.

Pioneers arrived in Diesel Island seekingrefuge from tyrannical regimes, economic crisis,

political corruption and reality shows.A new nation was born.

D I E S E L I S L A N D ’ S F L A G WA S C R E AT E DF R O M T H R E E PA I R S O F J E A N S P U T T O G E T H E R , I N O R D E R T O R E P R E S E N T D I F F E R E N T K I N D S

O F P E O P L E C O E X I S T I N G I N P E R F E C T H A R M O N Y. (A beautiful metaphor that we always have to explain

because otherwise nobody gets it.)

T h e l e a s t f u c k e d u p c o u n t r y i n t h e w o r l d . B u t g i v e u s t i m e .

L I F E O N T H E I S L A N D

I N A L A N D FA R , FA R AWAY F R O M T H E H OU S I N G C R I S I S …

G E N D E R E QUA L I T Y I S L AW O N D I E S E L I S L A N D .W O M E N A R E PA I D E X AC T LY T H E S A M E A S M E N .

(And they both enjoy maternity leave as well.)

T H E R E ’ S N O C E N S O R S H I P O N D I E S E L I S L A N D ,S O B L O G G E R S C A N W R I T E W H AT E V E R T H E Y WA N T.

(This may change when internet accessis finally installed on the island.)

P I C T U R E D H E R E I S T H E M O N U M E N TT O T H E V E RY F I R S T PA I R O F S H O E S T H AT E V E R

S E T F O OT O N D I E S E L I S L A N D .W H Y T H E Y W E R E H O N O R E D W I T H A M O N U M E N T

I S B E Y O N D U S .

T H E P I O N E E R S S I N G T H E A N T H E MW I T H A H A N D O N T H E I R H E A RT S

T O M A K E S U R E E V E RY B O DY N OT I C E SH OW C O O L T H E I R WAT C H E S A R E .

D I E S E L I S L A N D ’ SN A T I O N A L A N T H E M

This is the land of the Stupid,This is the land of the Brave.

And our hearts rejoice to knowThat we’re the least fucked up country of all.

Japan, they work too hard,Nigeria is too corrupt,

Greece has gone bankrupt,We are the least fucked up country of all.

The French are a little bit arsey,While Australia’s too laid back,

It’s too hot in Ecuador,We are the least fucked up country of all.

Italy too much pasta, Jamaica too much rasta,Sweden is way too cold,

We are the least fucked up country of all.

China is overpopulated,Junk food in the USA,

Venezuela may start a war,We are the least fucked up country of all.

Diesel Island, Diesel Island…The place the Stupid and the Brave

Call home.

Diesel Island’s anthem is being updated constantly.Write your own verses at www.diesel.com

S O C I A L I S S U E SD I E S E L I S L A N D ’ S P O L I C Y

T O E N D R E L I G I OU S H AT E :M A K I N G E V E RY R E L I G I OU S H O L I D AY

N O N - W O R K I N G F O R A L L .

J A N U A R YMary, Mother of God - Catholic ChristianFeast of St Basil - Orthodox ChristianGantan-sai (New Year) - Shinto

Twelfth Night - ChristianGuru Gobindh Singh birthday - Sikh

Epiphany - ChristianFeast of the Theophany - Orthodox ChristianDia de Reyes - Hispanic ChristianNativity of Christ - Armenian Orthodox Christian

Nativity of Christ - Orthodox Christian

Baptism of the Lord Jesus - Christian

Maghi - Sikh

World Religion Day - Baha’i

Blessing of the Animals - Hispanic Catholic Christian

Mahayana New Year - Buddhist

Tu B’shvat - Jewish

Timkat - Ethiopian Orthodox Christian

Conversion of Saint Paul - Christian

F E B R U A R YCandlemas - ChristianPresentation of Christ in the Temple - Imbolc - Lughnassad - Wicca / Pagan

Setsubun-sai - ShintoChinese New Year - Confucian, Daoist, Buddhist

Four Chaplains Sunday - InterfaithTriodion begins - Orthodox Christian

Vasant Panchami - Hindu

Saint Valentine’s Day - Christian

Nirvana Day - Buddhism - JainMawlid an Nabi - Islam

Week of Prayer for Christian Unity - Christian

Saint Matthew, Apostle and Evangelist - Christian

Intercalary Days - Baha’i

Meatfare Sunday - Orthodox Christian

A P R I LNew Year - Hindu

Ramayana - Hindu

Qingming - Chinese traditional

Ramanavami - Hindu

Baisakhi - Sikh

Lazarus Saturday - Orthodox Christian

Palm / Passion Sunday - ChristianMahavir Jayanti - Jain

Theravadin New Year - Buddhist

Lord’s Evening Meal - Jehovah’s Witness ChristianHanuman Jayanti - Hindu

Pesach (Passover) - Jewish

First Day of Ridvan - Baha’iMaundy Thursday - Christian

Good (Holy) Friday - All Christians

Black Saturday - ChristianSt. George Day - Christian

Easter - All Christians

Ninth Day of Ridvan - Baha’i

St. James the Great Day - Orthodox Christian

M A YYom HaSho’ah - JewishBeltane - Samhain - Wicca/Pagan

Twelfth Day of Ridvan - Baha’i

National Day of Prayer - Interfaith USA

Yom Ha’Atzmaut - Jewish

Buddha Day - Visakha Puja - Buddhist

Lag B’Omer - Jewish

Declaration of the Bab - Baha’i

Ascension of Baha’u’llah - Baha’i

1

5

6

7

9

13

16

17

19 -21

20

19

25

4

4-12

5

12

14

16

17

18 -21

18

19 -26

21

22

23

24

29

30

2

3

6

8

14

15

18 -25

24

26-March 1

27

1

2

5

9

17

22

23

29

D I E S E L I S L A N D ’ S N O N - W O R K I N G H O L I D A Y S C A L E N D A R 2 0 1 1

M A R C HSaint David of Wales - Christian

Four Chaplains Sunday - Christian/Jewish Interfaith

Nineteen Day Fast - Baha’i

Maha Shivaratri - Hindu

Cheesefare Sunday - Orthodox ChristianTransfiguration Sunday - Christian

Clean Monday - Great Lent begins - Orthodox Christian

Shrove Tuesday - Christian

Ash Wednesday - Lent begins - Christian

Orthodox Sunday - Orthodox ChristianBirthday of L. Ron Hubbard - Scientology

St Patrick’s Day - Christian

Magha Puja Day - BuddhistSaint Joseph’s Day - Christian

Purim - JewishOstara -Wicca / Pagan northern hemisphereMabon -Wicca / Pagan southern hemisphereHoli - HinduHola Mohalla - Sikh

Norouz (New Year) - Persian/ZoroastrianNaw Ruz (New Year) - Baha’i

Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary - Christian

Khordad Sal (Birth of Prophet Zaranhushtra) - Zoroastrian

J U N EAscensionof Christ - Orthodox ChristianAscension of Jesus - Christian

Shavuot - Jewish

Saint Columba of Iona - Celtic Christian

All Saints - Orthodox Christian

Pentecost - Christian

Guru Arjan Dev martyrdom - Sikh

All Saints - OrthodoxChristianNew Church Day - Swedenborgian ChristianTrinity Sunday - ChristianTimkat - Ethiopian Orthodox Christian

First Nations Day- Canadian Native PeopleLitha - Wicca / Pagan northern hemisphereYule - Wicca / Pagan southern hemisphere

Corpus Christi- Catholic Christian

Lailat al Miraj - Islam

Saints Peter and Paul - Christian

2

8-9

9

10

12

16

19

21 Solstice

23

28

29

1

2

2 -20

3

6

7

8

9

13

17

19

20 Equinox

21

25

28

J U L YSacred Heart of Jesus - Catholic Christian

Martyrdom of the Bab * - Baha’i

Saint Benedict Day - Catholic Christian

Lailat al Bara’ah - IslamAsalha Puja Day - BuddhistSaint Vladimir Day - Christian

Ulambana - Japan Buddhist

Pioneer Day - Mormon Christian

Birthday of Emperor Haili Selassi I - Rastafari

St. James the Great Day - Christian

A U G U S TLammas - ChristianFast in honor of Holy Mother of Lord Jesus - Ramadan begins - Islam

Lughnassad - Imbolc - Wicca / Pagan

Transfiguration of the Lord - Orthodox Christian

Laylat al Kadr - Islam

Tisha B’Av - Jewish

Raksha Bandhan - Hindu

Obon - Shinto

Assumption of Blessed Virgin Mary - Dormition of the Theotokos - Orthodox Christian

Krisha Janmashtami - Hindu

Lailat al Kadr - Islam

Beheading of John the Baptist - Christian

Eid al Fitr - Islam

O C T O B E RSt Francis Day - Catholic Christian

Waqf al Arafa - Hajj Day - Islam

Dasera - Hindu

Yom Kippur - Jewish

Thanksgiving - Interfaith - Canada

Sukkot - Jewish

Birth of the Báb - Baha’iShemini Atzeret - JewishInstallation of Scriptures as Guru Granth - Sikh

Simhat Torah - Jewish

New Year - Jain

Deepavali Hindu

Diwali - Jain - Hindu - Sikh

Milvian Bridge Day - Christian

Reformation Day - Protestant Christian

All Hallows Eve - Christian

N O V E M B E RAll Saints’ Day - ChristianSamhain - Beltane - Wicca/Pagan

All Souls’ Day - Catholic Christian

Hajj - Islam

Eid al Adha - Islam

Guru Nanak Dev Sahib birthday - Sikh

Birth of Baha’u’llah - Baha’i

Nativity Fast begins through Dec. 24

Christ the King - Christian

Thanksgiving - InterfaithGkuru Tegh Bahadur Martyrdom - Sikh

Day of Covenant - Baha’iHijra - New Year - Islam

First Sunday of Advent - Christian

Saint Andrew’s Day- Christian

1

9

11

15

13 -16

24

23

25

4

5

6

8

10

20

21

22

24 -28

26

28

30

31

1

2

6

7

9

13

13 -15

15

22

26

29

31

1

2

4 -7

6

10

12

15

20

24

26

27

30

S E P T E M B E RGanesh Chaturthi - HinduEcclesiastical New Year - Orthodox Christian

Paryushana Parva - Jain

Nativity of Mary - Christian

Elevation of the Life Giving Cross - Holy Cross Day - Christian

Mabon - Wicca/Pagan northern hemisphereOstara - Wicca/Pagan southern hemisphere

Meskel - Ethiopian Orthodox Christian

Navaratri - Hindu

Rosh Hashanah - Jewish

Michael and All Angels - Christian

D E C E M B E RAshura - Islam

Saint Nicholas Day - Christian

Bodhi Day (Rohatsu) - BuddhismImmaculate Conception - Catholic Christian

Feast day - Our Lady of Guadalupe - Catholic Christian

Posadas Navidenas through Dec. 15 - Christian

Hanukkah - Jewish

Yule - ChristianYule - Wicca / Pagan northern hemisphereLitha - Wicca / Pagan southern hemisphere

Christmas - ChristianFeast of the Nativity - Orthodox Christian

Zarathosht Diso (Death of Prophet Zarathushtra) - ZoroastrianSaint Stephen, Deacon and Martyr - Christian

Holy Innocents - Christian

Feast of the Holy Family - Catholic Christian

Watch Night - Christian

1

2 -10

8

14

23 Equinox

27

28 -Oct 5

29 -30

29

5

6

8

12

16

21 -28

22 solstice

25

26

28

30

31

P r o p o s e y o u r o w n n o n - w o r k i n g h o l i d a y a t w w w . d i e s e l . c o m

D I E S E L I S L A N D ’ S H E A LT H C A R EM A K E S Y OU WA I T T O O .

BU T T H E WAT C H E S A R E AW E S O M E .

S H E L L S M AY O N LY C O N N E C T P I O N E E R SW I T H T H E S OU N D O F T H E S E A . BU T AT L E A S T

T H E Y ’ R E N OT OV E RC H A R G E D F O R I T.

O N M A R R I A G E :Any kind of marriage is approved by law. Bachelor parties areeven more approved.

O N I N T E L L E C T U A L R I G H T S :Everyone is free to download whatever shit they want on the island. However, there’s no internet connection yet.

O N I N D U S T R Y R E G U L A T I O N S :All monopolies are forbidden on Diesel Island, with the exceptionof the fashion industry.

O N M O N E Y :The Mohawk is Diesel Island’s official currency. The exchangerate varies according to which stock market crashes next.

O N G E N D E R E Q U A L I T Y :Men & women are equal under the law. Bathroom showersare also to be shared.

D I E S E L I S L A N D ’ S B I L L O F R I G H T S

O N B E A R I N G A R M S :Citizens have the right to bear two arms. Two legs too.Two heads, not so sure.

O N E D U C A T I O N :All citizens have the right to public college education, in order to get laid and throw mindless parties.

O N T A X E S :All Diesel Island products are taxi-free. This means that when a citizen buys a product, he or she won’t get a taxi with theirpurchase. Just the product.

O N H U M A N R I G H T S :There will be no torture. Unless it can be safely covered up.

O N P R O P E R T Y :Every family has the right to a decent home, a decent mortgage and a decent foreclosure should they fail to pay the bank back.

Become a c i t izen and wri te your own laws at www.diese l .com

G O V E R N M E N T

I N S P I R E D B Y S O M E O F T H E W O R L D ’ S M O S TP OW E R F U L C OU N T R I E S , D I E S E L I S L A N D P I O N E E R S

E L E C T E D A S T H E I R P R E S I D E N T T H E P E R S O N M O S T L I K E LY T O B E I N V O LV E D I N A S E X UA L S C A N D A L .

Anyone can be pres ident o f Diese l I s land for one day. Become a candidate and vote at www.diese l .com

S I N C E C O M M U N I S M A N D C A P I TA L I S M B O T H FA I L E D , W E W O N ’ T A D O P T A N Y S Y S T E M E N D I N G I N “ I S M ” .

It was a woman who came up with this innovative way to govern.She said: “ As minister of Social Affairs, my goal is to listen to

everyone’s needs, even of those who think differently.I may not fully agree with it, but I won’t deny

that “baaaaaaa” is a thoughtful and provoking opinion.”

D E M O C R A C Y O N D I E S E L I S L A N D

T H E O N LY I N C O N V E N I E N T L E A K S D I E S E L I S L A N D ’ SG OV E R N M E N T H A S T O D E A L W I T H A R E T H E O N E SI N T H E R O O F S O F T H E H OU S E S W H E N I T R A I N S .

D I E S E L I S L A N D ’ S P O L I T I C I A N S A R E H O N E S T. T H E Y S T E A L M O N E Y BU T T H E Y D O N ’ T D E N Y I T.

D I E S E L I S L A N D ’ S QU E E ND O E S N ’ T D O A N Y T H I N G E I T H E R . BU T AT L E A S T S H E LO O K S H OT.

T H E D I E S E L I S L A N D A R M Y P R E PA R I N G F O R B AT T L E . (Against Costa Rica, the only country

in the world without an army.)

H O M E L A N D S E C U R I T YDiesel Island border officers will warmly

welcome any illegal immigrants.(With open arms and the jobs nobody

else wants to do.)

D I E S E L I S L A N D ’ S NAV Y D U R I N GA M I L I TA RY E X E RC I S E I N T H E PAC I F I C

T O T E S T B O M B S .

S U S P I C I OU S PAC K A G E S N E V E R G O U N D E T E C T E DB Y OU R V I G I L A N T B O R D E R O F F I C E R S .

D I E S E L I S L A N D ’ S B O R D E R WA L LP R E V E N T S I L L E G A L I M M I G R A N T S F R O M

WA L K I N G I N T O OU R T E R R I T O RY.(They’ll have to jump in, instead.)

I N D U S T R Y

D I E S E L I S L A N D P I O N E E R S , O N E M I N U T E E XC I T E DA B OU T F I N D I N G 1 OU N C E O F O I L ,

T H E N E X T W O R R I E D A B OU T T H E P O S S I B I L I T YO F A N I N VA S I O N B Y A P OW E R F U L C OU N T RY.

D I E S E L I S L A N D I S T H E W O R L D ’ SL A R G E S T E X P O R T E R O F S E X UA L E N E R G Y.

(Alternative, but not always clean.)

We had sex here.

We had sex here.

We had sex here.

We had sex here.

We had sex here.

We had sex here.

S U S TA I N A B I L I T Y

I N O R D E R T O S AV E WAT E R , D I E S E L I S L A N DP I O N E E R S S H OW E R I N G R OU P S .

T H E P I O N E E R S A R E S E L F - S U F F I C I E N TO R G A N I C FA R M E R S .

(But they still order take-out fromthe neighboring country on Friday nights.)

I N L I G H T O F G LO B A L WA R M I N G , D I E S E L I S L A N D E R SE X P E R I M E N T W I T H N E W F O R M S O F S U S TA I NA B L E

T R A N S P O RTAT I O N , L I K E T H E W I N D - P OW E R E D C A R .

(If it works, we’ll start exporting itto flooded countries.)

B E C O M E A D I E S E L I S L A N D C I T I Z E N !Diesel is creating a new and better nation.Join the cause and become a citizen.Fill in the citizenship application form in the next page

or go to www.diesel.com.We trust you will.

Dear UN:

Please accept Diesel Island as a nation. We know it’s uncommon for

diplomats to dress as terribly cool as we do, but just because nobody

here wears a suit, it doesn’t mean we’re not a serious country.

Thinking that would be too judgmental from your part and

unacceptable, and we’d have to sue you.

So don’t make us go there. Keep in mind that most of the countries

you’ve accepted as members have ruined the world, whereas we

are here to make it better. If you don’t believe us, send someone

over to see for themselves what Diesel Island is like. If you do send

someone over, please kindly ask them not to invent any lies about

our nuclear capabilities or financial statements.

Sincerely,

Diesel Island President.

Sign our petition for independence at www.diesel.com

D I E S E L I S L A N D ’ SO F F I C I A L E M B A S S I E S

EVERY DIESEL STORE IN THE WORLD IS AN OFFICIAL EMBASSY.Find the neares t a t www.diese l .com/s tore- locator

ArgentinaAustraliaAustriaAzerbaijanBahrainBelgiumBrazilCanadaChileChinaColombiaCosta RicaCroatiaCzech RepublicDenmark

Dominican RepublicEcuadorFinlandFranceGermanyGreeceGuatemalaHong KongIndiaIranIsraelItalyJapanKuwaitLebanon

LuxembourgMacauMaltaMauritiusMexicoMoroccoNetherlandsNorwayPanamaParaguayPhilippinesPolandPortugalQatarRomania

RussiaSaudi ArabiaSerbiaSingaporeSouth AfricaSouth KoreaSpainSwedenSwitzerlandTaiwanThailandTurkeyUAEUKUSA