defensiveness session e bs
DESCRIPTION
defensiveness and interpersonal relationshipsTRANSCRIPT
Beverly Byrum-Robinson and B.J. Hennig “ Defensiveness affects a host of communication functions in organizations as well as individual understanding and perceptions, interpersonal effectiveness, work effectiveness, and organizational effectiveness.
(Argyris, 1986; Baker, 1980; Giacalone, 1987; Peterson, 1977; Sussman, 1991) “ Defensiveness—the act of protecting one’s self—often is viewed as a serious threat to communication and the subsequent success of organizations
Beverly Byrum-Robinson and B.J. Hennig “ Defensiveness affects people self-understanding, interpersonal effectiveness, and work effectiveness.
Self-Understanding
Self-understanding is an important prerequisite to understanding and
relating with others.
Self-understanding is enhanced when one can identify the reasons one
becomes defensive and the behaviors one exhibits when defensive.
Self-Understanding If someone tells a trainer in a training session that he or she does not live in the “real world,” so the skills he or she teaches won’t work, the trainer feels defensive.
The reasons may be:
¤ The trainer’s credibility is being attacked, so he or she feels attacked.
¤ The trainer feels threatened (someone may think he or she is incompetent).
¤ The trainer feels angry because he or she thinks the skills being taught are very practical.
Self-Understanding Because of these feelings, the trainer switches to a self-protective mode, which results in defensive behaviors. These may include:
¤ Responding with a sarcastic comment.
¤ Overexplaining and justifying.
¤ Asserting his or her status as an expert.
Unfortunately, behaviors such as these are unlikely to change the other person’s mind or help the trainer to feel better.
Self-Understanding
Individuals need to know to what they respond to defensively and how they respond defensively.
The focus needs to be on their own behaviors (which are under their control), not on the correctness or fairness of
the other person’s behavior.
In the example given, if the trainer were more aware of the triggering behaviors, he or she could handle the situation
better and contribute to a productive outcome.
Interpersonal Effectiveness
Interpersonal effectiveness is the ability to communicate effectively and to
resolve problems with others.
Controlling defensiveness enhances interpersonal effectiveness.
Interpersonal Effectiveness ¤ Continuing with the example, if the trainer responds with a
sarcastic answer to the person who tells him or her that he or she doesn’t live in the “real world,” the trainee may not participate for the rest of the session.
¤ If the trainer simply reasserts his or her explanation and justification, the trainee may not feel listened to.
¤ If the trainer reasserts his or her status as an expert, the trainee will feel discounted.
Thus, defensiveness results in deterioration of communication, which may lead to withdrawal, win/lose arguments, and/or standoffs. None of these situations allow relationships to be built or problems to be solved.
Work Effectiveness
Because defensiveness prevents individuals from establishing trusting
relationships, issues cannot be openly discussed; valuable opinions are not
offered; and information may be withheld.
Work Effectiveness
Problem solving then cannot address all necessary facts.
Consequently, defensive behavior polarizes individuals and eliminates the
possibility of arriving at creative and collaborative alternatives.
Activating event consequences
beliefs
Activating event consequences
thoughts
Physical reactions
feelings
behaviors
Activating event consequences
feelings
Feeling attacked
behaviors Sensitivity to flaw
Activating event consequences
feelings
Feeling attacked
behaviors Sensitivity to flaw
Factor 4: Sensitivity to Flaw ¤ I screamed. ¤ I did not let the other person talk. ¤ I thought that I was different/did not
belong. ¤ I cried. ¤ I thought my values/beliefs were
a<acked/challenged. ¤ I felt uncomfortable with my
surroundings. ¤ I was emo=onal about the topic.
Activating event consequences
feelings
Feeling attacked
behaviors Sensitivity to flaw
Factor 1: Feelings, Fear, Sadness ¤ I felt depressed. ¤ I felt scared. ¤ I felt alone. ¤ I felt uncertain. ¤ I felt ashamed. ¤ I felt hurt. ¤ I felt deflated. ¤ I felt flushed. ¤ My voice became “shaky.” ¤ I felt inadequate. ¤ I felt disappointed.
Activating event consequences
feelings
Feeling attacked
behaviors Sensitivity to flaw
Factor 2: Feeling Attacked ¤ I had been wrongly attacked. ¤ I felt a sense of injustice. ¤ I had a “personality conflict” with
someone. ¤ I felt discounted. ¤ I realized there was a flaw in my
viewpoint.
Activating event consequences
feelings
Feeling attacked
behaviors Sensitivity to flaw
Factor 3: Consequent Behaviors ¤ I wanted to hurt the person(s) that
made me defensive. ¤ I wanted to damage something. ¤ I lectured the person. ¤ I wanted to get even. ¤ I became defensive toward person(s)
similar to those involved in this situation.
closing
How do you think your inventory would have been different if you had thought of
a personal, rather than an AIESEC, situation?
What does that tell you?
closing
What have you learned about sending messages that engender defensiveness?
How might you change your own messages to decrease the likelihood of
defensive reactions from others?
closing
What is your hypothesis about how defensiveness is affecting your work
relationships at your LC?
How is affecting your life in general?