deep questions to ponder

Deep Thoughts to Ponder

DeepQuestionsTo Ponder

DeepQuestionsTo Ponder

Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder

If a man sayssomething in thewoods & there are nowomen there, is hestill wrong?

If a man sayssomething in thewoods & there are nowomen there, is hestill wrong?


Isn't is a bit unnervingthat doctors call whatthey do "practice"?

Isn't is a bit unnervingthat doctors call whatthey do "practice"?


When sign makers go onstrike, is anythingwritten on their signs?

When sign makers go onstrike, is anythingwritten on their signs?


When you open a bagof cotton balls, is thetop one meant to bethrown away?

When you open a bagof cotton balls, is thetop one meant to bethrown away?


Why isn't there mouseflavored cat food?Why isn't there mouseflavored cat food?



Why do they reportpower outages on TV?Why do they reportpower outages on TV?


What do you do whenyou see an endangeredanimal that is eating anendangered plant?

What do you do whenyou see an endangeredanimal that is eating anendangered plant?


What's another wordfor thesaurus?What's another wordfor thesaurus?


If a parsley farmeris sued, can theygarnish his wages?

If a parsley farmeris sued, can theygarnish his wages?


Would a fly withoutwings be called a walk?Would a fly withoutwings be called a walk?


Why do people whoknow the least knowit the loudest?

Why do people whoknow the least knowit the loudest?



If the funeralprocession is at night,do folks drive withtheir headlights off?

If the funeralprocession is at night,do folks drive withtheir headlights off?


If a stealth bombercrashes in a forest,will it make a sound?

If a stealth bombercrashes in a forest,will it make a sound?


If a turtle doesn'thave a shell, is hehomeless or naked?

If a turtle doesn'thave a shell, is hehomeless or naked?


When it rains, whydon't sheep shrink?When it rains, whydon't sheep shrink?


Should vegetarianseat animal crackers?Should vegetarianseat animal crackers?


If the cops arrest amime, do they tellhim he has the rightto remain silent?

If the cops arrest amime, do they tellhim he has the rightto remain silent?



Why is the wordabbreviation so long?Why is the wordabbreviation so long?


When companies shipstyrofoam, what dothey pack it in?

When companies shipstyrofoam, what dothey pack it in?


If you're cross-eyedand have dyslexia, canyou read all right?

If you're cross-eyedand have dyslexia, canyou read all right?


If a mute swears,does his mother washhis hands with soap?

If a mute swears,does his mother washhis hands with soap?


If someone with multiplepersonalities threatensto kill themself, is itconsidered a hostagesituation?

If someone with multiplepersonalities threatensto kill themself, is itconsidered a hostagesituation?


Does a dyxlexicSatan worshipperend up committinghis life to Santa?

Does a dyxlexicSatan worshipperend up committinghis life to Santa?



When the chipsare down, is thebuffalo is empty?

When the chipsare down, is thebuffalo is empty?


Do you sometimesfeel like you’rediagonally parkedin a paralleluniverse?

Do you sometimesfeel like you’rediagonally parkedin a paralleluniverse?


Do you ever wonderhow much deeperthe ocean would bewithout sponges?

Do you ever wonderhow much deeperthe ocean would bewithout sponges?


If you have everything,where would you put it?If you have everything,where would you put it?


Do dyslexics havemore fnu?Do dyslexics havemore fnu?


If it's true that weare here to help others,then what exactly arethe OTHERS here for?

If it's true that weare here to help others,then what exactly arethe OTHERS here for?



What happens ifWhat happens ifyou get scared halfyou get scared halfto death twice?to death twice?


If the EnergizerIf the EnergizerBunny was arrested,Bunny was arrested,would he be chargedwould he be chargedwith battery?with battery?


How do you tellHow do you tellwhen you run outwhen you run outof invisible ink?of invisible ink?


Why do psychicsWhy do psychicshave to ask youhave to ask youfor your name?for your name?


Is there anotherword for synonym?Is there anotherword for synonym?


Hard work neverHard work neverkilled anyone butkilled anyone butwhy chance it?why chance it?



Two wrongs to notTwo wrongs to notmake a right, butmake a right, butthree lefts do.three lefts do.


Can you be a closetCan you be a closetclaustrophobic?claustrophobic?


Before they inventedBefore they inventeddrawing boards, what diddrawing boards, what didthey go back to?they go back to?


How do I set my laserHow do I set my laserprinter to stun?printer to stun?


If one synchronizedIf one synchronizedswimmer drowns, do theswimmer drowns, do therest have to drown too?rest have to drown too?


If you are born again,If you are born again,do you have two bellydo you have two bellybuttons?buttons?



If you try to fail, andIf you try to fail, andsucceed, which have yousucceed, which have youdone?done?


Why is the alphabet inWhy is the alphabet inthat order? Is itthat order? Is itbecause of that song?because of that song?


What happens when noneWhat happens when noneof your bees wax?of your bees wax?


If most car accidentsIf most car accidentsoccur within five milesoccur within five milesof home, why doesn'tof home, why doesn'teveryone just move 10everyone just move 10miles away?miles away?


If a book about failuresIf a book about failuresdoesn't sell, is it adoesn't sell, is it asuccess?success?


Is it possible to beIs it possible to betotally partial?totally partial?



How do you know whenHow do you know whenit's time to tune yourit's time to tune yourbag pipes?bag pipes?


Is it true that cannibalsIs it true that cannibalsdon't eat clowns becausedon't eat clowns becausethey taste funny?they taste funny?


Do they have reservedDo they have reservedparking for non-handicappedparking for non-handicappedpeople at the Specialpeople at the SpecialOlympics?Olympics?


If you shoot a mime,If you shoot a mime,should you use ashould you use asilencer?silencer?


What was the best thingWhat was the best thingbefore sliced bread?before sliced bread?


What is the speed ofWhat is the speed ofdark?dark?



What is a "free" gift?What is a "free" gift?Aren't all gifts free?Aren't all gifts free?


How come you neverHow come you neverhear abouthear about gruntled gruntledemployees?employees?


When blondesWhen blondeshave more fun,have more fun,do they know it?do they know it?


What happens ifWhat happens ifyou get scared halfyou get scared halfto death twice?to death twice?


24 hours in a day ...24 hours in a day ...24 beers in a case…24 beers in a case…coincidence?coincidence?


Is a laughing stockIs a laughing stockcattle with a sensecattle with a senseof humor?of humor?



Should women putShould women putpictures of missingpictures of missinghusbands on beerhusbands on beercans?cans?


Who is GeneralWho is GeneralFailure and why is heFailure and why is hereading my hard disk?reading my hard disk?


Where do forest rangersgo to "get away from itall?"


Why do they put Brailleon the drive-throughbank machines?


How do they get thedeer to cross at thatyellow road sign?


What was the best thingbefore sliced bread?



Before they inventeddrawing boards, whatdid they go back to?


Do infants enjoy infancyas much as adults enjoyadultery?


If all the world is astage, where is theaudience sitting?


If one synchronizedswimmer drowns, do therest have to drown too?


If the #2 pencil is themost popular, why is itstill #2?

DeepThoughtsto Ponder

DeepDeepThoughtsThoughtsto Ponderto Ponder



Never underestimate thepower of stupid people inlarge groups


The older you get, thebetter you realize youwere


Age is a very high priceto pay for maturity


Procrastination is theart of keeping up withyesterday


Women like silent men,they think they'relistening


Men are from Earth,women are from Earth.Deal with it.



The journey of a thousandThe journey of a thousandmiles begins with a brokenmiles begins with a brokenfan belt and a leaky tirefan belt and a leaky tire


It's always darkest beforeIt's always darkest beforedawn. So if you're goingdawn. So if you're goingto steal your neighbor'sto steal your neighbor'snewspaper, that's the timenewspaper, that's the timeto do itto do it


Sex is like air. It's notSex is like air. It's notimportant unless you aren'timportant unless you aren'tgetting anygetting any


Don't be irreplaceable. IfDon't be irreplaceable. Ifyou can't be replaced, youyou can't be replaced, youcan't be promotedcan't be promoted


No one is listening until youNo one is listening until youhave gashave gas


Never test the depth ofNever test the depth ofthe water with both feetthe water with both feet



It may be that your soleIt may be that your solepurpose in life is simply topurpose in life is simply toserve as a warning toserve as a warning toothersothers


It is far more impressiveIt is far more impressivewhen others discover yourwhen others discover yourgood qualities without yourgood qualities without yourhelphelp


If you think nobody caresIf you think nobody caresif you're alive, try missingif you're alive, try missinga couple of car paymentsa couple of car payments


Before you criticizeBefore you criticizesomeone, you should walk asomeone, you should walk amile in their shoes. Thatmile in their shoes. Thatway, when you criticizeway, when you criticizethem, you're a mile awaythem, you're a mile awayand you have their shoesand you have their shoes


If at first you don'tIf at first you don'tsucceed, skydiving is notsucceed, skydiving is notfor youfor you


Give a man a fish and heGive a man a fish and hewill eat for a day. Teachwill eat for a day. Teachhim how to fish, and he willhim how to fish, and he willsit in a boat & drink beersit in a boat & drink beerall dayall day



If you lend someone $20,If you lend someone $20,and never see that personand never see that personagain, it was probably worthagain, it was probably worthitit


Don't squat with yourDon't squat with yourspurs onspurs on


If you tell the truth, youIf you tell the truth, youdon't have to rememberdon't have to rememberanythinganything


If you drink, don't park;If you drink, don't park;accidents cause people.accidents cause people.


Some days you’re the bug,Some days you’re the bug,some days you’re thesome days you’re thewindshieldwindshield


Don't worry, it only seemsDon't worry, it only seemskinky the first timekinky the first time



Good judgment comes fromGood judgment comes frombad experience, and a lotbad experience, and a lotof that comes from badof that comes from badjudgmentjudgment


The quickest way to doubleThe quickest way to doubleyour money is to fold it inyour money is to fold it inhalf and put it back in yourhalf and put it back in yourpocketpocket


Timing has an awful lot toTiming has an awful lot todo with the outcome of ado with the outcome of arain dancerain dance


A closed mouth gathers noA closed mouth gathers nofootfoot


Duct tape is like the Force.Duct tape is like the Force.It has a light side & a darkIt has a light side & a darkside, and it holds theside, and it holds theuniverse togetheruniverse together


There are two theories toThere are two theories toarguing with women.arguing with women.Neither one works.Neither one works.



Generally speaking, youGenerally speaking, youaren't learning much whenaren't learning much whenyour mouth is movingyour mouth is moving


Experience is something youExperience is something youdon't get until just afterdon't get until just afteryou need ityou need it


Never miss a good chanceNever miss a good chanceto shut upto shut up


Eagles may soar,Eagles may soar,but weasels don'tbut weasels don'tget sucked intoget sucked intojet enginesjet engines


I almost had aI almost had apsychic girlfriendpsychic girlfriendbut she left mebut she left mebefore we metbefore we met


I drive way tooI drive way toofast to worryfast to worryabout cholesterolabout cholesterol



I love defenselessI love defenselessanimals, especiallyanimals, especiallyin a good gravyin a good gravy


If Barbie is soIf Barbie is sopopular, why dopopular, why doyou have to buyyou have to buyher friends?her friends?


I have a mindI have a mindlike a steel trap -like a steel trap -it’s rusty & illegalit’s rusty & illegalin 37 statesin 37 states


Support bacteria -Support bacteria -they're the onlythey're the onlyculture someculture somepeople havepeople have


Televangelists:Televangelists:

The Pro WrestlersThe Pro Wrestlersof religionof religion


The only substituteThe only substitutefor good mannersfor good mannersis fast reflexesis fast reflexes



When everything'sWhen everything'scoming your way,coming your way,you're probablyyou're probablyin the wrong lanein the wrong lane


Ambition is a poorAmbition is a poorexcuse for notexcuse for nothaving enoughhaving enoughsense to be lazysense to be lazy


If everything seemsIf everything seemsto be going well,to be going well,you’ve obviouslyyou’ve obviouslyoverlooked somethingoverlooked something


Everyone has aEveryone has aphotographicphotographicmemory. Some justmemory. Some justdon't have filmdon't have film


He’s a veterinarianHe’s a veterinarian& a taxidermist -& a taxidermist -either way, youeither way, youget your dog backget your dog back


I poured SpotI poured Spotremover on my dog.remover on my dog.Now he's gone.Now he's gone.



I used to have anI used to have anopen mind but myopen mind but mybrains kept fallingbrains kept fallingout.out.


I couldn't repair yourI couldn't repair yourbrakes, so I madebrakes, so I madeyour horn louderyour horn louder


Wear short sleeves!Wear short sleeves!Support your rightSupport your rightto bare arms!to bare arms!


All those who believeAll those who believeinin psychokinesis psychokinesis raise raisemy handmy hand


He tried sniffingHe tried sniffingCoke once, butCoke once, butthe ice cubes gotthe ice cubes gotstuck in his nosestuck in his nose


I’m not a completeI’m not a completeidiot, some partsidiot, some partsare missing.are missing.



A flashlight is aA flashlight is acase for holdingcase for holdingdead batteries.dead batteries.


Lottery: a tax onLottery: a tax onpeople with poorpeople with poormath skills.math skills.


ArtificialArtificialIntelligence beatsIntelligence beatsreal stupidity.real stupidity.


Hard work has aHard work has afuture payoff.future payoff.Laziness pays offLaziness pays offright now.right now.


I used to have aI used to have ahandle on life,handle on life,then it broke.then it broke.


I don’t suffer fromI don’t suffer frominsanity. I enjoyinsanity. I enjoyevery minute of it.every minute of it.



All generalizationsAll generalizationsare false, includingare false, includingthis one.this one.


One good thingOne good thingabout Alzheimer’sabout Alzheimer’sis you get to meetis you get to meetnew people everynew people everyday.day.


Schizophrenia beatsSchizophrenia beatsbeing alone.being alone.


If at first youIf at first youdon’t succeed,don’t succeed,redefine success.redefine success.


A thing not worthA thing not worthdoing isn’t worthdoing isn’t worthdoing well.doing well.


Heck is whereHeck is wherepeople go who don’tpeople go who don’tbelieve in gosh.believe in gosh.



I don’t have aI don’t have asolution but I dosolution but I doadmire the problem.admire the problem.


Strip mining preventsStrip mining preventsforest fires.forest fires.


I think sex is betterI think sex is betterthan logic, but I can’tthan logic, but I can’tprove it.prove it.


A picture is worthA picture is wortha thousand words,a thousand words,but it uses up abut it uses up athousand times thethousand times thememory.memory.


The meek shallThe meek shallinherit the earth,inherit the earth,after weafter we’’re throughre throughwith it.with it.


If a thing is worthIf a thing is worthdoing, it would havedoing, it would havealready been done.already been done.



Two can live asTwo can live ascheaply as one,cheaply as one,for half as long.for half as long.


Ham & EggsHam & EggsA day’s work for aA day’s work for achicken;chicken; a a lifetime lifetimecommitment for a pig.commitment for a pig.


Lord, if I can’t beLord, if I can’t beskinny, please atskinny, please atleast let all myleast let all myfriends be fat.friends be fat.


Good health isGood health ismerely the slowestmerely the slowestpossible rate atpossible rate atwhich one can die.which one can die.


The buck doesn’tThe buck doesn’teven slow down hereeven slow down hereso keep going.so keep going.


Confession is goodConfession is goodfor the soul but badfor the soul but badfor your career.for your career.



It’s hard to make aIt’s hard to make acomeback when youcomeback when youhaven’t beenhaven’t beenanywhere.anywhere.


Welcome to Utah,Welcome to Utah,set your clock toset your clock tolocal time, 1955.local time, 1955.


Money isn’tMoney isn’teverything, buteverything, butit sure keeps theit sure keeps thekids in touch.kids in touch.


Two wrongs to notTwo wrongs to notmake a right, butmake a right, butthree lefts do.three lefts do.


My wild oats haveMy wild oats haveturned intoturned intoShreadedShreaded Wheat. Wheat.


Seen it all. DoneSeen it all. Doneit all. Can’tit all. Can’tremember most ofremember most ofit.it.



Five out of of fourFive out of of fourpeople have troublepeople have troublewith fractions.with fractions.


If quitters neverIf quitters neverwin, and winnerswin, and winnersnever quit, whatnever quit, whatfool came up withfool came up with“Quit while you“Quit while you’’rereahead.”ahead.”


Stressed spelledStressed spelledbackwards isbackwards isdesserts.desserts.


Clones are people two.Clones are people two.


Go ahead & take risks.Just be sure thateverything will turnout okay.

Go ahead & take risks.Just be sure thateverything will turnout okay.


If you can't be kind, atleast have the decencyto be vague.

If you can't be kind, atleast have the decencyto be vague.



I’m not a completeI’m not a completeidiot, some parts areidiot, some parts aremissing.missing.


A flashlight is a caseA flashlight is a casefor holding deadfor holding deadbatteries.batteries.


Lottery: a tax onLottery: a tax onpeople with poorpeople with poormath skills.math skills.


ArtificialArtificialIntelligence beatsIntelligence beatsreal stupidity.real stupidity.


Hard work has aHard work has afuture payoff.future payoff.Laziness pays offLaziness pays offright now.right now.


I used to have aI used to have ahandle on life, thenhandle on life, thenit broke.it broke.



I don’t suffer fromI don’t suffer frominsanity. I enjoyinsanity. I enjoyevery minute of it.every minute of it.


All generalizationsAll generalizationsare false, includingare false, includingthis one.this one.


One good thingOne good thingabout Alzheimer’s isabout Alzheimer’s isyou get to meetyou get to meetnew people everynew people everyday.day.


Schizophrenia beatsSchizophrenia beatsbeing alone.being alone.


If at first youIf at first youdon’t succeed,don’t succeed,redefine success.redefine success.


A thing not worthA thing not worthdoing isn’t worthdoing isn’t worthdoing well.doing well.



Heck is whereHeck is wherepeople go whopeople go whodon’t believe indon’t believe ingosh.gosh.


I don’t have aI don’t have asolution but I dosolution but I doadmire the problem.admire the problem.


Strip miningStrip miningprevents forestprevents forestfires.fires.


I think sex is betterI think sex is betterthan logic, but I can’tthan logic, but I can’tprove it.prove it.


A picture is worthA picture is wortha thousand words,a thousand words,but it uses up abut it uses up athousand times thethousand times thememory.memory.


The meek shallThe meek shallinherit the earth,inherit the earth,after we’re throughafter we’re throughwith it.with it.



If a thing is worthIf a thing is worthdoing, it would havedoing, it would havealready been done.already been done.


Two can live asTwo can live ascheaply as one, forcheaply as one, forhalf as long.half as long.


Ham & EggsHam & EggsA day’s work for aA day’s work for achicken; a lifetimechicken; a lifetimecommitment for acommitment for apig.pig.


Lord, if I can’t beLord, if I can’t beskinny, please atskinny, please atleast let all myleast let all myfriends be fat.friends be fat.


Good health isGood health ismerely the slowestmerely the slowestpossible rate atpossible rate atwhich one can die.which one can die.


The buck doesn’tThe buck doesn’teven slow down hereeven slow down hereso keep going.so keep going.



Confession is goodConfession is goodfor the soul but badfor the soul but badfor your career.for your career.


It’s hard to make aIt’s hard to make acomeback when youcomeback when youhaven’t beenhaven’t beenanywhere.anywhere.


Money isn’tMoney isn’teverything, buteverything, butit sure keeps theit sure keeps thekids in touch.kids in touch.


My wild oats haveMy wild oats haveturned intoturned intoShreadedShreaded Wheat. Wheat.


Seen it all.Seen it all.Done it all.Done it all.Can’t rememberCan’t remembermost of it.most of it.


Five out of of fourFive out of of fourpeople have troublepeople have troublewith fractions.with fractions.



If quitters neverIf quitters neverwin, and winners neverwin, and winners neverquit, what fool camequit, what fool cameup with “Quit whileup with “Quit whileyou’re ahead.”you’re ahead.”


Stressed spelledStressed spelledbackwards isbackwards isdesserts.desserts.


Clones are peopleClones are peopletwo.two.


On the other hand,you have differentfingers


I just got lost inthought – it wasunfamiliar territory


Those who live bythe sword get shotby those who don’t



You have the right toremain silent –anything you say willbe misquoted and thenused against you


Honk if you lovepeace and quiet


Nothing is foolproofto a sufficientlytalented fool


Just remember, anytime you have a 50-50chance of gettingsomething right, there’sa 90% probability you’llget it wrong


If you lined up all thecars in the world endto end, someone wouldtry to pass them


The things that cometo those who waitmay be the thingsleft behind by thosewho got there first



A fine is a tax fordoing wrong. A tax isa fine for doing well.


I started out withnothing and stillhave most of it


Light travels fasterthan sound, which iswhy some peopleappear bright untilyou hear them speak


Computers let you makemore mistakes fasterthan any other inventionin human history, withthe possible exceptionof handguns and tequila


Energizer Bunny arrested- charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood typeis always b-negative.

Practice safe eating -always use condiments.

deep questions to ponder

Entertainment & Humor

ponderdeep thoughts

word whats

endangered animal

animal crackers

endangered plant

unnerving isnt

dyxlexic personalities

stealth bomber procession