dealing with cavers you can’t stand: on trips and projects

Dealing with Cavers You Can’t Stand: On Trips and Projects

How to Identify Personalities and Deal with Potential Problems


Most cavers enjoy each other and the sport of caving.

Grassy Cove Saltpeter Cave, Tennessee


Most cavers get along in large groups...

Baltimore Grotto Pumpkin Hunt, Franklin WV


And in small groups, where teamwork is required to solve difficult problems.

Baltimore Grotto Pumpkin Hunt, Franklin WV


Cavers not only spend time together for long hours on survey trips…

Surveying in Memorial Day Cave, Germany Valley, WV


But also on vertical trips…

Cass Cave, WV


And on other projects.

Gating Apex Cave, Germany Valley, WV


They also spend a great deal of time living together between trips.

Breathing Cave Survey, Gangsta Mappers, Bath County, VA


When everyone gets along, the time spent is a joy and makes the time spent away from home like time spent with a second family.

However, there are times on some cave trips or cave projects in which difficult cavers are involved.

Dealing with Cavers You Can’t Stand: On Trips and ProjectsIn this presentation, personalities described by the authors of Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst are described in the context of caving situations and problems.Next, essential communication skills will be reviewed.Then, steps for dealing with difficult cavers will be covered.Last, suggestions for dealing with yourself when you are difficult will be offered.


What are some examples of difficult cavers who might be found on cave trips or projects?



Overbearing members of trips or projects who either want to extend a survey into the wee hours, abandon a survey with one station to go, push a trip too fast with tired or inexperienced members, etc., all without taking into account the other members’ needs or wishes (The Tank)

Mohlers Cave, Cave Hill, Grand Caverns, VA



Cavers who always know everything in caves and on projects. They know every detail of every story, and all of cave and karst geology. They insist on lecturing you, and are impatient when you don’t know. They also have a low tolerance for correction and contradiction (The Know-It-All Caver)



Cavers who are inappropriately rowdy during caving down times, demonstrating sexually inappropriate, assaultive, or dangerous behavior while intoxicated, or who are using serious substances in public (The Grenade)


What are some examples of difficult cavers who might be found on cave trips or projects?Cavers who promise to complete tasks because they want to please everyone, but can never get around to the tasks, typically because they are overwhelmed with all of the other tasks they promised everyone else they would do (Yes Caver)



Cavers who consistently bring inappropriate guests into caves at the wrong level for them. Examples include bringing preschool children with little supervision, bringing non cavers unconcerned about cave conservation, or bringing unfit cavers on grueling trips (Maybe Caver)

No Karst Cave, Germany Valley, WV



Cavers whose caving skills are novice level and whose social skills are such that they cannot take direction so that either they are in danger or the cave could be compromised (Nothing Caver)



Cavers who on caving trips never cease talking and “whining” about every terrible thing that has happened to them, responding to every suggestion with an excuse why it wouldn’t work and making the trip miserable (Whiner)



Cavers who on caving projects or on cave trips just say “No, it can’t be done”; “That’s not right”; or “That won’t work” no matter what the suggestion is (No Caver)


Regardless of what the problem is, many times the remaining cavers prefer to suffer in silence rather than do or say anything that improves the situation.

This could be because it is difficult to know what to say without hurting feelings or creating more problems.

However, there are things to try to help diminish problems with difficult cavers.


What to do when encountering difficult behaviors

You can stay and do nothing

You can leave (walk away)

You can change your attitude about the difficult caver

You can change your behavior


Understanding the behavior—motivations

Get the task (project, trip) done

Get the task (project, trip, life) done perfectly

Get along with others

Get appreciated by others

Dealing with Cavers You Can’t Stand: On Trips and ProjectsGetting it doneThe overbearing caver or surveyor (The Tank) rolls right over those standing in the way of getting it done—nothing personalThe non socially skilled caver (Nothing Caver) is motivated by doing the task, not how it is done or his or her effects on othersThe Know-It-All Caver controls people by dominating conversations with lengthy arguments and eliminates opposition by finding flaws to discredit other views Others are eventually worn down


Getting it done perfectlyWhining cavers believe they are powerless to create change in their lives, and abandon all thought of solutions, yours or theirsThe No Caver is certain nothing will go right, and is intent to give up nowYes Cavers may also be motivated by perfection, creating an impossibility for completion of projects


Getting along with others

Maybe Cavers bringing inappropriate guests are more motivated by the approval of their friends than of the cavers they are with

Yes Cavers seek approval and avoid disapproval by trying to please everyone

The Grenade or alcohol using caver that gets out of hand was originally motivated by an attempt to fit in and get along, but finds he or she is unable to accomplish the task


Getting appreciated by others

Yes Cavers (non finishers) take on projects in the hope of being appreciated for their hard work

Extreme behavior cavers (The Grenade) are “appreciated” by standing out in the crowd

The Know-It-All specializes in lengthy authoritative lectures, advice, and unsolicited opinions in search of appreciation for being the authority on the subject


Summary

Behavior becomes more controlling when the intent to Get it Done is thwarted

Behavior becomes more perfectionistic when the intent to Get it Right is thwarted

Behavior becomes more approval seeking when the intent to Get Along is thwarted

Behavior becomes more attention-getting when the intent to Get Appreciation is thwarted


Communicating with the “Get it Done as top priority” caver

Let them know you recognize that “getting it done” is their priority

Keep your communications with them brief and to the point

Don’t obstruct them except as necessary using the skills to be described


Communicating with “The Tank” caverHold your groundIf attacked, interrupt by repeating their nameQuickly backtrack to the main pointAim for the bottom line—no extrasGive them the last word under your conditions


Communicating with the “Know-it-all Caver”

Be prepared with knowledge/material

Backtrack respectfully

Blend with doubts and desires

Present views indirectly

Turn them into mentors


Communicating with the “Get it Right as top priority” caver

Let them know you recognize that they value perfection

Pay a great deal of attention to the details of your communication with them

If it’s a task, be specific about the problem behavior


Communicating with the “Whiner”

Listen for the main points

Clarify the problems

Empathize without trying to solve problems

Minimize conversation or change subject to something positive—caving

Don’t try to share your own problems


Communicating with the “No Caver”

Go with the flow

Use them as a resource (“What can be done?”)

Leave the door open

Go for the polarity response

Acknowledge their good intent


Communicating with the “Get Along with Others as top priority” caver

Show you care with friendly chit chat and considerate communications

This will increase cooperation and decrease misunderstanding


Communicating with the “Yes Caver”

Make it safe to be honest

Talk honestly

Help them plan

Ensure commitment

Strengthen the relationship


Communicating with the “Maybe Caver”Establish and maintain the comfort zone Make conflicts surface, clarify optionsUse a decision-making systemReassure, and then ensure follow throughStrengthen the relationship


Communicating with the “Get Appreciation as top priority” caver

Don’t oppose their needs.

Recognize their contributions with words of enthusiastic appreciation

Dealing with Cavers You Can’t Stand: On Trips and ProjectsCommunicating with the “Get Appreciation as top priority” caverGet their attention and give them a little attentionClarify for specifics (for think-they-know-it-alls, to bare their lack of knowledge)Tell it like it is (I statements), addressing the problem head-onGive them a break (a way out so they don’t have to look foolish)Use gentle confrontation and give credit when it is due


Communicating with “The Grenade”

Get their attention and give them a little attention. Be friendly

Let them know how much you care for their hard work

Then reduce your intensity as they do

Time off for good behavior

Grenade prevention

Dealing with Cavers You Can’t Stand: On Trips and ProjectsWhat about when you are the difficult caver?Be aware of your motivations (Get it done? Get it perfect? Get along? Get appreciation?)Monitor the effect your behavior has on others, and on the task at handTry alternative ways to reach your goals without negatively effecting others or tasksAllow others’ positive reactions to your new behaviors to reward your attemptsAsk others for feedback


Summary

Problem cavers exist in several situations

Cavers vary in their personalities as well as their motivations for their behavior

Good communication skills go a long way toward solving many caver problems

Specific motivations require specific interventions

Good luck!

dealing with cavers you can’t stand: on trips and projects

Documents